He's trying. Not his best, but Twiggy is trying.
The first half of this chapter was a rather last minute addition, but I loved it.
So, its clear at this point my version of Cross is verging into OOC and honestly. I'm running with it now. Y'all are here for Complex Character Crosshair who has more of a personality than just "rat bastard". I'm also officially declaring this story set in a slight AU. Everything is the same worldbuilding wise, except I tweak the characters in different cases. Because I'm not dealing with the stress of changing headcanons when the show comes out. This story is not high enough stakes for me to put that amount of effort in lol.
Speaking of the show, the next chapter will come out the week after the premiere! Because Imma need to process that mess for a while.
On with the chapter!
Content Warnings: Not sure the exact term but Cross goes through some heavy emotional stuff, mild violence, language, Hunter having issues
Happy with yourself?
He really wasn't.
The hurt in her eyes.
The way she flinched back.
The pain in her voice...
"I didn't mean to!"
But what was she thinking?! Shoving a still hot pistol into her waistband with the damn safety off. She could have shot herself in the leg!
"I had to save Hunter!"
He would have been fine! Or Wrecker could have gotten him!
"I didn't want to lose it."
It was just a pistol. He could get another one. Though... he would have been without one for the rest of the mission.
"I didn't know what else to do..."
The defeat in her voice when she said that.
The way she couldn't even meet his eyes...
Now she would shut down again.
All because of him.
He really couldn't do anything right around this woman.
"Why'd you go so hard on her, Cross?" Wrecker growled from behind him. Foliage swished as he smacked a fern frond out of his way. "She saved Hunter's life and got hurt, but all you can think to do is yell at her? You know how much that hurts her!"
Crosshair knew exactly how much that hurt. He'd seen it time and time again, that usually bold spirit crushed and those bright eyes dimmed. He wouldn't be surprised if her love language was words of affirmation...
But what did her love language matter to him? They weren't lovers.
They weren't even friends...
Thanks to his outburst, didn't look like that'd change any time soon.
"She's tryin' her best," Wrecker continued, kicking a rock. "But you just tear her down!"
"Think I like hurtin' her?" Crosshair finally hissed, turning to face his brother.
Anyone else and he'd hold his tongue. But Wrecker was his batchmate. The only one who made it without being "culled". The only one Crosshair could show his true self to...
"Could have fooled me," Wrecker shot back. "You're always yellin' at her!"
"She's reckless and is goin' to get herself killed," Crosshair defended. They'd be without a guide and then what?
"We are all reckless. That's our thing!" the demolition expert exclaimed. "She fits right in. You said so yourself!"
He... did say that didn't he?
"She's no use to us if she's hurt-"
"Cut the shit," Wrecker snapped. "She's tough and can power through, but not if you keep insultin' her at every turn! Your words hurt, ya know?"
Of course he knew. It's what he was good at. Tearing people apart piece by piece until there was nothing left. How else would he have survived the Kaminoan scrutiny?
But oh, how often had he wondered if he would have been kinder in another life? A life where he'd gotten to group up with a loving family and not under the cold and heartless eyes of scientists who saw him as nothing more than a lab rat to be experimented on...
A life where he was treated as human and not just some meat droid to be disposed of when he served his purpose.
"Cross!" Wrecker barked.
He crossed his arms and hissed, "You're just takin' her side because you like her."
Don't you?
No. No he didn't. Not like that.
Right?
"I'm takin' her side because I believe in her and am her friend," Wrecker growled, fists clenched at his sides. "And because she would take my side too."
He couldn't lose this battle. He couldn't! He never lost a battle. He couldn't lose a battle. His freedom depended on it. He had to come out on top. He had to!
"How did you know she would do that?"
"Because I trust her! Trust is a two way street!"
"I do trust her!"
The confession startled them both into silence.
Crosshair's heart pounded hard against his chest and panic began to creep up his throat.
He did not just say that.
He did not just say that!
Trust got you hurt.
Got you killed.
Especially in war. Where every stranger you met could be shaking your hand with their right and holding a knife behind their back with their left. Where they would leave you to die the moment their own life was in dangers. Where the moment you weren't useful to them, they would betray you.
He couldn't trust her.
And yet...
If he was stuck, pinned down somewhere, he had no doubt in his mind that she would come running to help him. Running to save him.
Yesterday's stream incident proved that.
Even after he'd hit her where it hurt, she still came to his rescue.
When he messed up, slipped and fell into the mess he made, she still extended her hand towards him to pull him to his feet.
What did that say about him and his constant cruelty towards her whenever she messed up?
"If you trust her," Wrecker said slowly, "Then prove it."
Crosshair stiffened. He'd have to open himself up to do that. Let Shadow in. Let her past the barriers. Risk himself to hurt.
He couldn't do that...
Could he?
"Not everyone wishes you harm. I know I don't."
He should have just refused Hunter's damn order to go with her to get those berries! He'd been a mess ever since that trip, unable to get her words out of his head.
She'd hit far too close to home. Picked him apart piece by piece...
But she hadn't attacked him directly.
Then there were those bizarre charts. A chart that put his weaknesses on display for her to clearly see.
She hadn't attacked him then either.
But what was his last weakness? What had she lied about? The rapid timing of the charts afforded little time to study and retain the letters, but Crosshair was willing to bet that the word did not start with a 'd'... but an 'i'.
He just hoped that it wasn't the weakness he thought it was.
Why had he let her read that chart?!
"What's so hard about givin' her a chance?" Wrecker asked.
"You know I don't know how to trust people," Crosshair hissed at Wrecker, desperation creeping up on him and panic rising in his throat once more. Wrecker had to understand. He was Crosshair's brother!
If he couldn't rely on Wrecker... he couldn't rely on anyone.
Wrecker sighed. "At least try."
Try.
The one word that refused to leave his head. That one word that constantly threw him into the pit of doubt, weighing him down like lead boots. Tightening its grip the harder he fought against it.
"I'm not asking for perfection."
He had to be perfect, or he got hurt. People he cared about got hurt. He had to take care of the others. He couldn't do that unless he was anything but perfect.
There was no room for mistakes in war.
"She's not gonna stab you in the back," Wrecker continued. "She cares for us, Cross. More than anyone ever has."
Crosshair's voice was soft as he looked away. "Not about me."
"Does too!" Wrecker exclaimed, shoving his shoulder. "Plutonic care is a thing."
"Platonic," Crosshair corrected.
"Oh. But see! You do know the term!"
Crosshair wrestled with himself, an ache deep within his chest yearning for an affirmative answer. Affirmation that Shadow cared for him in any capacity...
He spent far too much time wondering about it, swinging wildly back and forth between she did and she didn't. He would be certain, then they'd hit a snag, and he'd be thrown into doubt once more.
Crosshair just wanted the constant uncertainty to end.
"Really... really think she does?"
Wrecker wouldn't lie to him. Wrecker would never lie to him.
A chuckle rumbled from his brother as he stepped in and pulled his batchmate into a tight embrace. "I know she does!"
Growling and trying to shove Wrecker off, Crosshair halted when his comm crackled to life.
"Forty tinnies. B1s."
No big deal. They'd handled worse-
"Shadow's with me."
Shit.
"Squeaky! She's in trouble!" Wrecker gasped, abruptly dropping Crosshair. "Come on! We have to go help them!"
Crosshair ran after him, ducking and dodging ivy as his heart pounded hard against his ribs and nausea gripped his stomach.
If she got killed before he could apologize, he would never forgive himself.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Karking hells!
This was bad.
Very, very bad.
Laying on top of Shadow, the gravity of the situation banishing any worries of awkwardness, Hunter hated how fast the woman's heart beat was. But judging by the sudden appearance of wickedly sharp claws and the tensing of her shoulders beneath him, fear wasn't her only emotion.
Her rage at James for verbally attacking them remained fresh in Hunter's mind, and he could only wonder how vicious she would be if it was their lives in danger.
How hard would she fight then?
But would it matter?
B1s were hardly a threat to Hunter or his brothers, but to an untrained civilian...
She's not untrained. She's inexperienced.
In a way that was worse.
She would try to tackle more than she could handle to prove herself capable. The fact she rushed after him without a second thought proved that. Granted, she didn't know better not to try and keep up with him like Tech did, but even still.
Hunter couldn't claim to know her on a deeper level, but he'd begun to notice another flaw in Shadow in addition to stubbornness; she was always pushing herself even when she needed to ease back. No doubt a result of that "Self-Doubt" from her ability-card. Always desperate to prove herself.
Not unlike Crosshair.
And Hunter had already lost count of how many times the sniper got hurt because of that...
The march of heavy metallic feet against wet earth broke him out of his ponderings.
Focus! Don't get distracted. You will be no help to either one of you if you can't think straight.
He needed to spring now while he had the element of surprise.
One droid close to him had noticeable blazes of paint on its armor. A higher rank. They'd be the first to go.
Removing his hand from her mouth and waving it in front of her nose, he pointed at Shadow then the ground.
Stay.
Flattening ears and a shake of the head made him silently curse.
Stubborn woman!
Usually an attractive trait, it was downright dangerous right now.
Breaking the seal of his helmet and tilting it up just enough, he growled in the quietest tone he could, "Stay."
Shadow didn't respond that time, claws digging deeper into the dirt and ears twitching.
Hunter just hoped she would listen to him.
If she didn't...
They were going to get first hand proof if her species really could come back to life.
Gathering himself up, Hunter resealed his helmet.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two...
One!
Racing out of the undergrowth, Hunter slashed the officer droid's neck and quickly took down two more before they realized what was happening.
"We're under attack!"
Brilliant observation, tinnie.
Ducking, twisting, and turning, shooting and slicing his way through three more droids, Hunter focused on taking down as many as he could.
"Comin' in hot!" Wrecker yelled through the comms, labored breathing accompanying his shout.
No worries, this is just practice!
That is, until a lucky shot sent his knife off into the undergrowth.
Not good.
Switching to his pistol in a flash, Hunter shot down two more droids.
But while some bore down on him from in front, he could sense more behind him.
No matter, a simple backflip would-
"Surprise, motherfuckers!"
No!
An enraged caterwaul split the air as Shadow, brilliant amethyst blades ignited, slammed into the pair behind him.
She'll be killed!
Yet as he finished off one droid and turned to help Shadow, he realized that she wasn't the one in danger.
It was the droids.
Cleaving the pair behind him into pieces, she charged three more.
Teeth bared.
Claws out.
Blades spinning in deadly reverse grip.
Eyes damn near glowing with rage...
A shot clipped his shoulder, staggering him and brutally reminding him that other assailants still bore down on him.
"It's Britney, bitch!" Shadow dashed forward out of the corner of his eye, cutting apart the droid that shot his shoulder and kicking the remains away. "Stay away from my sergeant, walkin' pile o' scrap metal!"
Her sergeant?!
Not born from the chain of command. Oh no. This was born purely from possessiveness.
That's hot.
With a spin, her heavy tail unbalanced another droid shortly before Shadow silenced them in two. Slamming a thrust kick into the main body of another, she jerked to face Hunter. "Catch!" she yelled, back-kicking one droid as she tossed a saber to him.
Shoving down his surprise and even delight at holding a true saber for the first time, Hunter ignited it and charged the two droids in front without a second thought. Opting for reverse grip as well, thankful his practice with sticks conditioned him to be mindful of the extra blade length, Hunter made quick work of some droids as they tried to flank Shadow.
Need to get one of these!
Far more effective than a simple vibro-blade.
And Shadow certainly thought so too.
A colorful blur streaked overhead as she propelled herself up and above the remaining droids with her telekinesis.
"Aim for the Jedi!"
"Oh you wish I was one!" Shadow laughed, a truly wild look in her eyes. Saber still held in reverse grip, she took down two more droids and telekinetically shoved another away. Yet another kick, a jumping side thrust, sent a droid into a tree.
"Time to release the Wrecking Ball!"
Did Shadow yell that at the same time?
No, she couldn't have.
She couldn't know his signature move!
Or... could she?
A hailstorm of blue ripped through the middle of the droids as Wrecker charged in from their flank. Shoving his gun to his belt, he laughed in psychotic delight as he crashed into the droids and took one down with a punch that dented its chest.
"That's my boy!" Shadow laughed, spinning around and taking down one droid with her blade and another with another back kick.
Using his own borrowed blade, Hunter zeroed in on some droids on the outer edge. With them killed, the patrol would be finished. Slashing through them as Wrecker finished off his and Shadow cut down her last one, Hunter looked around at the carnage.
At least half of the droids bore the glowing gashes from a lightsaber.
"Any more?" Wrecker demanded, foot on the crumpled chest of a droid.
A blue bolt zipped past his shoulder and buried itself into the head of a droid that had been trying to get up. The one Shadow kicked into the tree.
"Missed one," Crosshair remarked through the comms before appearing from the undergrowth.
"I still got more than you!" Wrecker boasted.
"And Shadow got more than you."
Now he praises her. Hunter looked over at Shadow.
Standing over a pile of twisted metal, streaked in dirt and sweat, her shoulders heaved as she panted. In a truly breathtaking instance of cliché, a sunbeam broke through the canopy and illuminated the woman.
Dank farrik...
His heart jumped as she looked over her shoulder at him, pupils narrowed to mere slits and eyes almost hidden in shadow.
Karkin' hells, get a hold of yourself!
What was more worrisome was the faint gleam of markings across her skin and a glow in her eyes. Had she accidentally powered up? What if she passed out?
The intensity and markings then faded, replaced by playful enthusiasm. She trotted over to him. "Nice slashin', Shaggy!" she laughed, that crazed grin back on her face as she punched his shoulder.
That maddeningly attractive grin...
Don't lock up like some wide-eyed cadet! But she really did look beautiful in that instance...
Yet, telling her proved an impossible task. Instead, he opted for a more nonchalant reply as he shut off the blade. "Didn't do so bad your-" He stiffened. "Your ear!"
A blaster wound in her left ear was still slightly smoking, the edges of the wound charred and cauterized. She must have gotten clipped while his back was turned.
How could he be so careless?! He should have been more attentive! How could he let this happen? He was supposed to protect his team!
She's not a part of the team, remember?
Right... Right she wasn't.
But that could change.
Hopefully would change.
It had too.
He promised he wouldn't leave her behind.
"Oh, forget my ear. What about your hand?" Shadow deflected, grabbing his wrist and bridging up his hand to inspect it. Her brows knit together in a look of concern that warmed Hunter's chest.
"Armor took the brunt of it," he said, shrugging as his stomach fluttered. He liked her fussing over him more than he cared to admit.
"Don't act macho, buster," she snorted, shooting him a scolding glare that only worsened his stomach. "Ya tell me to be careful and you get shot more than me!"
That was embarrassing...
"Squeaky!" Wrecker suddenly exclaimed, racing over. "Your ea-"
"Screw my ear, man! It'll heal!" Shadow protested, swatting Wrecker away when he started to reach for it.
"But you're hurt!"
"You should see the other guy," she purred with a smirk, nudging the demolition expert.
Wrecker roared with laughter and elbowed her. "You're a tough gal, that's for karkin' sure!"
She staggered but swept her tail against the back of his knees which sent him to the ground.
"Gotcha!" Wrecker laughed, grabbing her calf and pulling her down with him.
As Wrecker and Shadow playfully sparred on the ground amongst the broken bits of droid, Hunter hurried to find a distraction before his jealousy acted up. "Where's Tech?"
"There," Crosshair replied, gesturing to where Tech crouched beside a droid, tearing off the fingers.
Against regulation to take them, Hunter actively encouraged it and they all had picked up the habit. The scrap also came in unbelievably handy since the GAR saw fit to give them hardly anything in the way of supplies. Even their ship had been acquired without the GARs help.
"Tech!" Hunter called. "Do an environmental scan."
He could sense droids nearby, but distance and number were unknown. And he would much prefer it if he knew what they were up against.
Tech stood and jogged over, shoving the fingers into a spare pouch with one hand and pulling out a datapad with the other.
Shadow blinked in surprise from where she sat on Wrecker's chest, swiping the tip of her tail back and forth across his face as he tried catching it. "Battle droid fingers? Y'all really said fuck them rules, huh?"
Yet another fact Shadow shouldn't know but for some reason did.
That reason is she's a Realm Walker!
"How would you know that was against GAR regulations?" Crosshair asked, much to Hunter's horror.
Questioning her straight out was a horrible idea. Spook or agitate her and she shut down. An offhand mention would be far more tactical and less confrontational, but of course Crosshair was bad at both of those things.
Shadow's ears, predictably, twitched and she chuckled nervously as she averted her eyes. "Heard about it."
Yes, but how? How do you know these things, Shadow? Why does weird stuff keep happening around you? Why are you almost used to it?
Tonight.
He'd have to bring it up tonight. Hunter wanted to know if he really was dealing with a Realm Walker. Needed to know.
"That is not common knowledge," Crosshair said, stepping close to Shadow and Wrecker. "Got a problem with it?"
Stop poking her with a stick!
Shadow jumped off and swished her tail as she pulled Wrecker to his feet. "I got a lot of knowledge that ain't common." She brushed the demolition expert off, subtly avoiding Crosshair's gaze. "Like the fact some parasitic worm bodies retain their memories even if you chop off their heads."
How are those two things correlated?
"And besides," Shadow continued with a huff, turning and poking Crosshair in the chest. "You know I'm the least bit concerned about rules and regulations. Why you so prickly all of a sudden? We were gettin' along! But if you don't remove that stick up your ass, you're gonna have my foot to contend with as well!"
Yikes.
Crosshair shifted then, to Hunter's surprise, mumbled, "About earlier, furball-"
"There's more droids heading this way!" Tech announced, cutting Crosshair off.
"Think we can handle a few more!" Shadow boasted, turning away from Crosshair. "Tech, can you hack into a B1s head?"
"I assume that's a rhetorical question."
"Good answer, nerd! Grab the commander's head and get slicin'."
Hunter nodded, proud she suggested it before him. "To see if we can discover how many there are, right, Ice?" he asked, stepping close to her side.
Did Crosshair just grow tense?
"Righto, Sarge!" Shadow said, baring her teeth at him.
Force, she's got Wrecker's chaotic joy from tearing through the tinnies...
"It will take me some time," Tech countered.
"We'll buy you that time, right, boys?" Shadow asked, still grinning like a madwoman.
Dini'la dala...
An insane woman he was insanely smitten with. Her labeling him as "her" sergeant didn't help matters any.
"Let me... I need... find... knife-" he stammered, cursing his tongue as it tangled over his words.
Speak, damnit!
"Here," Crosshair said, handing it to him.
"Thanks." Hunter handed Shadow her other saber back. She'd need it for the upcoming fight. "How about an ambush? Let them walk past and then rush 'em from the shadows?" he asked, sweeping his hand towards the darkened thicket close by.
Shadow nodded. "Wrecker could lure them in and we close 'em in from behind?"
Hunter chuckled. "Like your style."
Shadow winked at him, sending his heart rate skyrocketing. "Alright, boys. Ready to take down more tincans?"
"Yeah!" Wrecker cheered. "Let's go! Let 'em come, we'll take 'em apart faster than you can say Sparky!"
"Brilliant line," Crosshair snorted, moving off to cover Tech as the engineer scurried off with his droid head. "Will cover Tech."
He sounds more subdued than normal.
More cortisol than usual as well.
The fight wouldn't have rattled him.
Kark... he's actually remorseful about what happened earlier...
But apologies would have to wait. They had droids to kill.
"Got a plan," Shadow remarked with a dark laugh. "Now, let's execute it, shall we?"