CHAPTER THIRTY
"Whatever you're thinking stop it." Jax says no argument in his voice.
"Wasn't thinking anything." I whisper at a manageable volume.
"Sarah, don't lie to me. You've never been able to; you're as transparent as glass when you try." I'm not sure if he sounds angry at me or not.
"K." Even the single letter sounds forced and I know that he'll be able to tell I'm lying.
"Or if you're going to do something stupid, at least tell someone first." Jax says.
"Can you do me a favour?" I whisper, each word hurting a bit more.
"Sure, what?"
"Get me some water and a straw?" I ask, and I know I look as pathetic as I sound.
Jax slides back out of the bed and I hear him go to the kitchen. The sound of a cupboard opening and closing, the tap and then a draw sliding come floating through the door and he's back inside 2 minutes a class of water in one hand and a bright purple straw in the other.
"Look, purple." He says a grin on his face.
I can't believe that he still remembers my favourite colour, though I think I used to wear something purple every day. I know I wore only purple and black for my whole first year in Charming.
I smile and accept the glass and straw, drinking slowly the pain in my throat slowly goes till it's there but able to be ignored.
"Thanks." I still whisper, knowing that while it doesn't hurt much anymore it'll take at least until tomorrow before I feel comfortable speaking in a normal voice again.
"So, what is it that you're planning? I can see something is trying to form in your brain." Jax asks.
"I was thinking about going somewhere else." I'm honest with him; he's right about me being a hopeless liar. I couldn't even convince a horse I didn't have a carrot once.
Jax looks stunned, hurt and disappointed. "You said you weren't going anywhere."
"Shit, I didn't mean Charming, I meant leaving here. I can't be waking Donna and Opie up if I have nightmares all the time. Once I've had one they normally stick around for a few nights before they stop again." I'm trying not to raise my voice with how much my throat hurts, but for Jax to misunderstand me so much kind of hurts my feelings more.
"Oh, sorry." Jax sounds a bit less hurt.
"That's okay; I guess I didn't word it very well. I'm not going anywhere, I came home cause I missed it, any everyone here. That hasn't changed in the 5 days since I arrived." I whisper fast, trying to get him to realise I meant what I said each time I've told him, and everyone else, that I'm not going anywhere.
Jax moves down the bed and lays down again, pulling me close and wrapping an arm round my shoulders so my head rests on his shoulder.
I grin looking down at his chest, "Definitely not going anywhere." I whisper.
He chuckles and flicks off the lamp again. "Try and get some more sleep, but I'm here if you need me, okay?"
I nod; Doj stands up behind me, turns a few circles then plops back down in a ball.
Inhaling the scent that seems to radiate from Jax's pores, the combination of leather, oil and him lulls me back into a sleep I didn't think would come again tonight.
Thankfully this time there are no nightmares. Craig is missing from everything I see while I'm sleeping. I dream about moments of time in both Charming and New York. I dream about events in high school, skipping the Prom in my senior year to be at a party at the Clubhouse instead, a party which included Tara flashing her Crow tattoo to anyone who went near her, and not going further than arm's length from Jax the whole night. I dream of the trip from Charming to New York, how terrified I was of the life I was heading towards, how angry I was at the way I left, but also how upset I was with the situation that led to me leaving in the first place. I dream about the night I graduated from my first course at the Institute, how happy both Cam and Al were.
I wake up as the sun is coming up, something that I had become used to over the years in New York, even though when given the chance I normally wouldn't wake till the morning was almost gone. I always had to be up early to get to work and start baking bread that I'd normally left overnight to raise.
I'm slightly embarrassed about how close I'd worked my way to Jax while I was sleeping. I'd gone to sleep curled into his side but when I woke up I was still at his side, but I had a leg thrown over his thigh and my arm had ended up under his shirt, my hand resting over his heart. Pulling my leg off him I know I turn bright red, I'm thankful for the layers of clothing between us otherwise that could have been even more embarrassing then it was.
Sliding down the bed and off the end I look back and see Jax has rolled over and pulled my pillow close to him. The part of me that's stuck in teenage years wants to climb back in the bed, but the mature responsible part takes control and I leave the room and head towards the kitchen.
An hour later when Donna and Opie come out carting their children I've just pulled the homemade cinnamon rolls from the oven, the coffee pot is almost full and there is a pile of pancakes sitting on the oven keeping warm, I've even managed to make a fresh strawberry sauce to have with it.
The kids are put at their places at the little plastic table that's right beside the dining table, I leave Donna to sort out what they can have this morning, I have no idea what children should eat, or how much. I start moving things from the kitchen bench to the table as she cuts a bun and a pancake in half giving half of each to Ellie and Kenny. She sticks a finger in the sauce and decides it's too sweet for the kids, even though it's more fruit than sugar, the strawberries I brought must have had a high sugar content. A half a lemon squeezed in makes it a bit better and the kids are each given about a teaspoon full of it on their pancake.
I head down the hall to wake Jax up for breakfast and find him still sleeping; he and Doj are back to back, Doj's legs against the wall. Jax has my pillow tucked under his head. Whistling gently to the dog he stretches, and jumps off the bed, heading towards the kitchen and his food bowl I'm sure.
I sit down beside Jax's waist and shake his shoulder gently. "Hey, it's time to wake up. Breakfasts ready." He doesn't move a muscle. I'm not really surprised; after all he did get startled awake in the middle of the night.
Leaning closer to him I try again, "Jax, wake up. Breakfast is ready."
He stirs a little and I lean right over him, putting my mouth to his ear, "Jax, breakfast is ready. Mmm Coffee, cinnamon buns, pancakes and Opie's eating it all."
That seems to have worked, he tries to sit up, but as I'm right over him all he ends up doing is crashing his forehead into my nose.
"Oww, fuck Sarah you have a hard head." Jax falls back onto the pillow.
I'm holding my nose; I can feel my eyes welling up and the heat that has flooded my face with the impact. I pull my hand back and I'm not surprised to see blood, just thankful it's only a few drops, it feels like my nose stud moved slightly and scratched the inside of my nostril.
"Now that you've beaten me up to get back at me for waking you in the middle of the night," I start with a grin, "Breakfast is on the table and Opie will eat it all if you don't hurry up."
I head back to the table, rubbing my nose a little and re-adjusting the stud that sits there, Donna shoots a questioning look. "Apparently I forgot that one should never try and wake up Jax Teller. I got head-butted."
Opie laughs as Jax walks into the room, dressed in his own clothes from yesterday. Flopping down onto a chair he pulls the finger at Opie and grabs the coffee I've just pushed in front of him.
The four of us talk about nothing of importance during breakfast till I ask Donna what time we're meant to be meeting Mandy. She glances at the clock, "In about an hour, Gemma said she'll look after the kids for a while at the garage if we drop them there."
I nod and remember their conversation from the other day about Donna's car. "Seeing we have the 4x4 here do you want to drop your car for the work to be done?"
Donna starts protesting that she can't use my car for her errands but I point out to her that she's letting me stay with them till I get sorted and the argument dies.
Opie tells us to put Donna's car in the corner of the lot and they'll start on it straight away, being a Monday morning they don't have much in so it may even be finished by tomorrow morning, the service and brakes won't take any time at all. They just have to wait for the tyres that were ordered early last week to arrive.
Opie and Jax leave a few minutes later, stuffing cinnamon buns in their mouths as they go I've wrapped a couple in packages and ordered Opie to give them to Piney and Bobby. I've got one set aside for Gemma and a couple to take to Al and Cam and one left for Mandy as a thank you for organising the clean so fast.
Donna packs the kids into her car with a couple of toys and a change of clothes, they have toys and everything else at the garage already, 30 minutes after the guys have left we're on our way out the door as well.