[Warning for mentions of political violence. This chapter also became more contemplational than the previous ones. The parts of it like that are marked by 'Moral considerations'.]
.
In the evening, they return to the house Ba Sing Se provided for them as guests of the king who has no time for them. Kaito comes with them, and it is Katara who asks him the question that has been on her mind for a while now.
"Why did you stay behind in Omashu when you left immediately afterwards as well? Why not come with us?"
Kaito pauses in preparing the tea. He puts the pot down, having poured none. He looks at her, meeting her eyes, searching for something. Katara has never seen him give that look to someone. The scrutiny is uncomfortable.
"I'll be honest with you. I was lying to myself, and because of it… to all of you," Katara listens to that quiet certainty and thinks that the lump forming in her throat isn't going to be small, "I wasn't alright. I was in a pretty bad place, actually, and some days I still am. That was my way of retreating because a dam had to break at some point and I didn't want to be around you or anyone when it did. I don't confront my own… misery. I run from it. I distract myself. That is part of what I am doing here."
Katara was right. She swallows, hard. It also stings a little, this truth. He didn't want to be around them for when he would finally break down. Like he didn't think they could handle it.
Sokka has frozen, looking at Kaito wide-eyed. Katara thinks this will be good for him also, to see that his friend, his gifted, clever, easy-going friend is not all-powerful, is actually quietly miserable.
Aang himself is crying already, silently. Tears rolling down his cheeks as wide grey eyes stare at Kaito. It is even more painful to watch that, and Katara can feel heat behind her eyes in sympathy. She blinks and doesn't allow the tears to form.
Toph remains politely still and silent.
Kaito draws Aang, who is already sitting very close to him, in by the shoulders, smiling a small, complicated smile. There's a little pain in there, some true fondness and concern. "Finding meaning in life is harder for some than for others. I can keep going, I can do what needs to be done, but that doesn't have to mean much when I fail to see the point some days. People help. You guys help, just by being here. I can believe in people. Not in some spiritual balance, no gods or big saviours, but people because it is the smallest things people do that cheer me up, that help me get up and stay up."
Katara watches Aang wind his fingers into Kaito's tunic and hold on tight. Her heart breaks a little at the sight. "I do what I want to when I want to. The school project is a great one, and I always enjoy getting up for it. Annoying Dionu and Gorou makes my day very entertaining. Meeting you guys again is just great. And meeting you, Toph, has been a pleasure."
Then, one-handed, Kaito takes up the tea pot and pours into the arranged cups.
"I'm aware that this is sudden," and he looks down at Aang, "And painful for you too," he – without self-consciousness, without realising how strange it might look to the others, – kisses the top of Aang's bald head. Katara tries to steady her internal balance, sent reeling at the gesture. It was so much like that of a parent, too much like that of a parent that she-
"The truth is that I am very good at pretending. When you bury something, neither you nor others can see it, but that doesn't mean it isn't still there, you just have to dig it up again."
Katara reaches out for her tea, uncertain of what to do or say. What do you say to that?
"Why were… or are you unhappy?" Toph asks, hands around her cup, face hidden behind her bangs.
Right. Maybe you just ask a question that might help. Katara should've thought of that. Toph can be such a wellspring of surprising compassion from one so brash and tough and hard-on-the-outside.
"Hm…" Kaito says, pressing a cup into Aang's hand, who looks a little dazed and off-balance. He sits up a little and brings his other hand to the warmth. "It's not easy to answer. I was very aware very young and was often treated like I didn't know what I was talking about or what was good for me, but that soon changed when Pakku became my teacher. He was… the kind of teacher who wants to make himself obsolete. The kind you won't need anymore when he's done with you. And while I had that, had some respect from my peers, there was little they could give me by way of companionship. The others know that I'm friends with Arnook, the Northern Watertribe's leader. He's at least twenty years older than me. It was a little lonely, which is still painful to admit. But when I became Yue's guard, after some time, we grew close. We were friends. Still are, if you count the Moon capable of friendship," he pauses, to look at Sokka, who is staring at his feet. "That's not all, of course. Things are always more complicated than that."
"Sounds like me," Toph says and Katara freezes. How is that like Toph? "I was always alone and even as the Blind Bandit I had no friends." The tone is easy, cheerful as ever, but.
"Not even my mother would listen to what I wanted, for my own protection. Because I'm blind and a girl and must be weak. Now it's different."
And then Kaito does the most astonishing thing of all things he's done that day. Aloof, cool, touch-emotions-and-die Kaito shuffles closer to Toph and very slowly reaches out to wrap his big brown hands around Toph's smaller white ones that are still holding the tea. And Toph, who is the same way, lets him.
Katara feels like she's been punched in the gut, all surprise and no air.
Kaito says nothing, just holds Toph's hands. Katara can see ripples in the tea that betray the trembles.
Finally, after what seems like several minutes, Toph shifts and Kaito's hands slip away from hers, smoothly shifting into crossing his legs in his previous seat. He glances at them, at Sokka who has raised his head to stare, still wide-eyed, like he can't believe this is happening, Katara whose heart is beating heavy and quick in her chest, her hands aching to reach out and touch. Touch gently, healing some of that hurt. But Toph is prickly on the best of days. That she allows Kaito to touch her, even only like that is a small miracle. And then Kaito looks at Aang, who is looking between Kaito and Toph with something like awe.
As much as Katara dislikes it, this admiration Aang has for Kaito, she can admit, just this once, that he did well.
"Did you know that to be courageous, you have to be vulnerable?" Kaito asks. "One of the women at the school told me. And she's right. To go into a fight knowing you could get hurt, or lose or even die is courageous because of those things. And to share your burdens with others to lighten them maybe, that requires you to be honest and open and say things that are painful to say because they are true and nobody is perfect. There is no such thing as perfection for humans. Then it need not grow further, change no more. That is death. To strive for perfection is to strive for death."
Katara scrambles, wanting to fill the silence, fitting that into her brain and blurts, "But what about bending? We want it to be perfect."
And that is when Kaito smiles at her, and she doesn't know what it means, but it feels like praise, which is strange, she-
"We do, don't we? My answer to that is that there is no perfect way to bend. There are ones for specific purposes and some techniques are easier than others to do in a certain way. If perfection in bending is to do certain movements with ease, then it is achievable, and yet it is then still then end of that striving. And you may be content with that. Or, as is often the case, you turn to another movement and practise it until you can do that one with ease. And when you have mastered all forms, what do you do? You try something new. And that has no perfection, does it? It's new, there is no comparison for it until you make enough of it. In other words, until you decide you are done, there is always something new."
Kaito takes his tea then, and adds, "Perfection is like beauty, always subjective."
"Monk Giatsu always said that you should let go of the idea of perfection. And that there's beauty in everything," Aang says. Something seems to have been knocked loose in him. Katara hasn't heard him speak that name since… that time at the Eastern Air Temple.
"In some ways, I agree. But Aang, if there's beauty in everything, and beauty is a thing of comparison – so we call beautiful what we find beautiful in comparison to less beautiful or ugly things – so if it's in everything, doesn't that take away the meaning of beauty?"
"Not if you don't compare it."
"Hm," Kaito says, and Katara sees him hide a smile behind his cup. "Beauty is just beauty, eh? No need to compare?"
"Yeah."
"Now, that is a beautiful way to think about it," Kaito says, and he means it, but Sokka laughs which means Katara groans and-
This is good.
.
KAITO
"We lost Appa because we were looking for information about the spirits in the Earthkingdom. You know, the ones like Tui and La in the North," Sokka says, miserable and well into his cups. "I thought if Aang could connect to them again, it might help. Not just with his earthbending – because that's going slow – but with the war as well."
I brought the rice wine because I thought it might be nice for Sokka to unwind a little. Katara too, but she wouldn't hear of it and retired to bed with Toph and Aang. Very sensible of her. I'm not sure why she didn't want it, not even to try, but I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Now that I see him, in his lamentation, I can't help but wonder if it wasn't a mistake to get Sokka drunk, after all. He has no tolerance, as is the case for most people who don't regularly drink. A good thing, really, not to poison oneself regularly.
"We've already asked for Dionu's help with the search for Appa. You've managed to trace him this far, haven't you? You'll find him," I try to reassure him. I don't think anything but finally finding Appa again will help. We could ask some more people to look. Ask at the school and one or two trustworthy nobles at the university to keep an ear out.
Sokka's head, still on the table, rises a little to glare at me. Well. Then I won't reassure him any more, I suppose.
"What did you find in the library, then?"
He frowns. "There wasn't much before we were kicked out and the stupid owl moved the library back to the spirit world."
"But there was something?"
"Yeah… no name or anything, but it's said in old legends about Ba Sing Se's crystal caves, that there's some spiritual presence there. But nobody really knows what form it takes."
"Interesting. What kinds of legends?"
"Oh, it was a load of crap about the ruling family here that was meant to show how chosen they were and such nonsense."
"Anything that stood out to you?"
"Yes," Sokka, "It was all about how the first King was trapped there unjustly and the crystals changed shape to show him a way out."
"Hm," I say, thinking that it also could have been a clever bender. But what does it really matter? It's worth a shot to get Aang down there.
.
AANG
Aang doesn't want to get out of bed. Normally, he likes getting up with the sun, but today…
He's sad. He misses Giatsu like a hole in his heart, like the palms of his hands are missing. Anything he touches reminds him of Giatsu. It this how Giatsu felt when Aang's previous incarnation died? They'd been friends then, too.
He burrows further under the covers.
Sokka will surely try to get him to get up soon.
But Sokka never came back from the common area. Aang peeks out from his blanket and sees that Sokka's bed is untouched.
Strange. He hopes Sokka's okay. Aang should really check.
But just when he's about to get up, he can hear Sokka's voice screech from the common area. "JAURGH!"
Maybe Momo bit him again.
.
KAITO [Moral considerations.]
Values are chosen. That is the key: values are chosen. Even when you grow up with yours, you choose them every time you decide something with their guidance. But they are to be put into practise, not exhibited rarely. It is not the museum of life within which you act, but your every day environment.
Choice is part of what freedom is. To make a choice is to actualise one's own freedom. To make a choice is to influence one's world. To make a choice is to realise what is important and pursue it, realise it within the world – that is, yours and the world of others. To make a choice is to see your power and actualise it.
The problems start when you realise that there are powers, forces in the world which set limitations to your freedom. If you think of freedom like an area, which encompasses all your capabilities – from imagination to trespassing on private property – then that area is limited. It might be limited directly by a person showing you their boundaries and defending them. It might also be limited by something like a law that you recognise, which is also enforced by perhaps a police or military force. (Trigger Warning: Sometimes they might even be to suppress your freedom to the point of shooting you in the head for demonstrating against military dictatorship, as they are doing in Myanmar.)
It becomes even more complicated when it is not about freedom from something, but freedom to do something, be something etc.
Aang is the Avatar. At first, this only gives him more power than the average person has. It also, through stories, legends, traditions and expectations, delivers upon him responsibility.
Morally, one should not be obliged to save another person's life if that act puts oneself in danger. It cannot be demanded.
That is why we call those who do put themselves in harm's way to help others are called heroes.
It isn't right to demand that of a child, no matter their powers.
And yet, Aang feels responsible. He's been told he is. He has trauma involving running away from that responsibility and losing everything he loved to that escape – in the sense that had he been there, he likely would have died with the Air Nomads. His presence likely would not have done anything to help them in the long term, even if he might have fought with them. If they did fight, that is.
He's eleven. He's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
It shouldn't be his responsibility. In my eyes, it isn't. It's every single person's. Unfortunately, having it seem like everyone is equally responsible has the effect on people that someone else could, and therefore each person won't. 'Someone should really do something about that.' That that someone should be us, me, rarely occurs to the person saying that. We are all equally responsible. No politician, no leader is more so just because of their election or power. They may have more power, but the responsibility towards others, towards oneself, is the same. Any politician is just another person. They may have access to information more directly or sooner than others, but they are only people. They are expected to fell decisions for the citizens with other professions. That doesn't mean that those citizens cannot determine what is right on their own and follow those rules.
If one wants to act morally, there's a lovely guiding sentence that has stayed with me even into this second life. It doesn't matter who said it, if it is taken as standalone. (But for those interested, you will have guessed it: Kant, the racist, sexist who failed to understand his own moral theory correctly by being a racist and sexist.) My vague recollection of it:
Act in such a way that if one formulated that action into a demand or even law, every single person could be commanded to act in this way.
[Only for those further interested in the moral theory: It's not precisely 'do unto others as you wish others to do unto you', but those are very closely related. The difference lies in the fact that this latter sentence could also mean that you could be into something most other people would not enjoy. If you did unto them what you enjoy having done to you, then they would likely have to use force to stop you, if they didn't like it. The action that can be formulated into a law can only be done with every single person in mind as an end unto itself. That means that you are not allowed to treat anyone in a fashion that instrumentalises them without also treating them as a person whose purpose is only to be that person. They have a dignity which cannot be bought or replaced. It has no equivalent. Dignity is the worth of any person as one which can act in the above described way. This is circular, but I will not explain the Metaphysics of the idea of freedom and autonomy behind the way out of this circular argument. Please be aware that this is a loose interpretationof parts of Kant's moral theory and proper philosophical works will cite relevant passages to prove their claims.]
An integral problem remains: what to do with people who don't act in this fashion? What do you do with 'evil' people?
What could we do with the Fire Nation, had we the power to stop this war now?
What is to be done for the effort of lasting peace, if the methods to end this war without ending up under Fire Nation rule are ones only remotely acceptable in war?
How does one treat criminals correctly without resorting to criminal means?
I have no idea.
But I do know that under normal circumstances, in a modern democracy, I should be imprisoned for what I've done. For good reason.
This is not that world.
I am not about to preach what I cannot uphold myself, even though I know how it could be done if only everyone followed the doctrine, ha!
I am still of the opinion that Aang should not be the one to end the war, and he should not be responsible for keeping world peace. That's absurd.
But it's true that he ahs access to power and knowledge that could be useful to end the war. And I want some answers about how it's possible that spirits just show up on a ship I'm on in a storm. If they know how I ended up here, reincarnated.
So I will take Aang aside later, to ask him about spirits, what he knows of them and if he can access the spirit world without putting himself in danger. If his powers are tied to spiritually inhabited places, then maybe we can go into the Crystal Caves beneath Ba Sing Se.
.
SOKKA
The University of Ba Sing Se, where the professor they left behind in the Great Library when it sunk came from, is grand. It looks impressive and old. It looks like the kind of place that could withstand an earthquake and not even have a picture frame shift on the walls.
It's also beautiful. The wide spaces between sturdy buildings are made up with fountains, some of people in robes, some with birds or other elegant figures. And everywhere, there are well-dressed people conversing, walking, reading.
It seems wonderful. A place of learning. A place of meeting and exchanging ideas.
Too bad Kaito said that commoners aren't usually allowed in. It pisses Sokka off. Back home, all knowledge was shared, even if not all chores were – which he can see is sort of unfair.
Their eye-catching group is soon approached by two young, well-dressed women. They greet Kaito warmly, politely, and eye them with interest. Especially Aang has their attention, with his uncovered arrow tattoo and visible excitement.
"Kaito, how nice to meet you here. What a surprise, you said you wouldn't return until next week," one of them says. "And you brought company! How did you manage that?"
Kaito smiles at them, the kind of smile Sokka has come to understand mocks the receiver, just a little. "Meara, Thanira, meet Toph, Katara, Sokka, and Aang."
They bow, "It is a pleasure to meet Kaito's friends."
"Likewise!" Aang enthuses, greeting the friendly people as he always does, with enthusiasm and great charm. He bows as well, showing off his tattoo unintentionally.
Kaito watches Meara and Thanira's faces closely. Sokka would normally be eyeing them up and down, appreciating beauty as presented in such a lovely manner, but today he's on a mission.
Before anyone can ask Aang if he's the Avatar, Kaito says, "We were hoping to speak with Jeong about a favour. And perhaps visit the library."
"Ah? What a coincidence, that is also where we were headed. Allow us to accompany you."
And so Kaito and the ladies make polite conversation, which soon turns to academic topics. Though most notably, Sokka listens to their assessments of Fire Nation technological advances. With no word to they mention the war, but some of it…
"Steam engines really are an ingenious concept. Professor Guiyong has been able to reconstruct one, finally. It seems he got a blueprint from somewhere," Meara comments, tone casual, but to Sokka it's clear what she's alluding to. The drill that the Fire Nation had recently tried to breach the walls with. Had almost succeeded in breaching the walls with.
If it hadn't been for unexpected, unidentified – yeah right, it was yakuza! – help for the military units of Ba Sing Se, the wall would have been breached.
"And it works? Can he finally build that carriage he wanted?" Kaito asks, evidently having come into contact with the Professor.
"Oh no! It's far too large for that!" Thanira laughs. "You should take a look at it, he'd be delighted to hear your opinions. You had such helpful suggestions last time."
Kaito had helpful suggestions? Did he know how steam engines worked from the Fire Nation ships perhaps?
"If there's time later," Kaito agrees.
And then they come to a halt in front of the large building with doors thrice Sokka's height, if not more. And inside, inside-
Sokka is in awe at this place. There are rooms for scientific experimentation, laboratories with strange smells and substances, the library is the largest he's seen aside from The Great Library. And. And the willingness of the professor to answer every little question Sokka has…
He could die happy here, he thinks. Get his hands on old and new blueprints, invent something himself, he-
Kaito puts a hand on his shoulder and whispers, "Shall we leave you two alone for a bit?"
"Wha-" Sokka sputters and scrambles to compose himself as Professor Xu gives him a look.
"I'm quite serious," Kaito continues, grinning, "We've already decided what our leaflets are going to say. So I'll take the others and make that happen while you learn all you can here."
Sokka manages a nod. Meara and Thanira laugh at him behind polite hands, but he can't care. Time to research!
.
KATARA
Jeong is a young androgynous-looking person with ink stains all over their hands and apron. They are clearly overworked and in need of a break.
Katara watches with some vague sense that Kaito is taking advantage of their state as he persuades them to go for a meal, they'll take over here, he knows how to operate the press, no worries…
Jeong goes.
And then Kaito sets them all to work, instructing carefully, and asking Toph to press down the roller upon commands.
Their prepared printing template is quickly slid in, and they set to work.
.
Afterwards, Jeong is grateful to see their pile of work diminished, they are happily walking away with Aang-dried leaflets – and careful mentions of Appa on them have also put him in a better mood.
"We'll pick up Sokka and then look at the steam engine, if that's alright with you," Katio says, "I've some things I want to talk to Professor Guiyong about."
But before they go to their next stop, they get lunch from the university mess hall. It's positively bustling with activity and smells. Katara can see Toph already refusing to go in further, even being hungry. "Maybe we could eat outside? I saw some people do that."
Katio looks at them and shrugs. "Alright. You don't have allergies, as far as I remember, and everyone except Aang is good with meat, yes?"
He and Sokka go inside to get them food.
Nobody dares approach them while he's gone. Kaito did explain that manners demanded there be someone to introduce them, or you had sufficient rank to ignore that. so only a professor could reasonably approach them. There seem to be none around at present, so they relax by the fountain, under curious, but subtle stares.
Toph still grumbles about it. Aang seems content to just sit with them for the time being. Katara relaxes a little. The printing press thing felt a little forbidden, so she's still a little tense at being found out, but it doesn't seem like anyone is coming after them.
.
TOPH
Professor Guiyong is the kind of man who shifts around as he holds a conversation, seemingly wanting to pace, but holding himself in place forcefully, to varying degrees of success. It's different to Aang's light feet and restlessness.
The professor is squat, portly, excitable. He has workers whom he directs with a demanding, but not commanding air.
He also seems to simultaneously revere Kaito and envy him. He seeks his opinion and knowledge, but accepts it with some perturbance. Their conversation flies mostly over Toph's head, well into technical terms and pointing at things she won't bother to guess at.
Sokka seems to follow them well, with enthusiasm, even. Aang has gone on to talk with one of the workers who seems friendly enough and Katara simply listens attentively.
Toph is about to move away from the conversation when it becomes interesting.
"This looks like a larger project. I've met some newly arrived construction workers down in the lower ring, in the school. Some of them are learning to draw and understand technical blueprints. You could come to meet them."
And then Professor Guiyong goes on to agree, but with some hesitance, to coming down to the lower ring, unless he wants to meet them here where he would have to write them guest passes for interviews…
So he'll visit the school in three days, to hold interviews.
Toph doesn't doubt that those workers will be connected somehow to the plans Kaito has to overthrow the social order of the city. She's very curious to see how that will turn out.
.
KAITO
Aang, Sokka and I are back at the guest residence, preparing food for when Katara and Toph return from the bathhouse. We've already had ours and finished. Admired and compared new scars, taught Aang about growing pubic hair and what it means because he was curious about ours, and recovered from that ordeal.
It was nice. I realise I haven't taken much time to relax lately.
"Aang," I begin, wondering if this is too blunt, but figuring it best to get on with it, "What do you know about spirits and the spirit world?"
"Hmm," he thinks, then replies brightly, "Not a lot. Why?"
Very helpful. "I had an encounter with one in the storm that carried my ship into Chamaeleon Bay where I met Hakoda."
"You did? What was it like?"
"It was very strange. I first thought I was imagining it, but there was a man with me. He looked kind of watertribe-like. And for some reason, I knew it was La, the spirit of the ocean, who was helping me guide the ship where we wanted to go."
"Wow. That's really cool!"
"Yes. Very. He left quite soon, though and we never exchanged words. So I wanted to know if you knew how it is possible that I knew who it was – or even how it's possible that… Yue became the moon. It just. Well, I don't understand it and I would like to."
"No clue!" Aang is, I remind myself, eleven. Don't be short with him. He doesn't know how important this is.
"Do you think you could ask someone? You have spiritual powers and such."
"Hmm. Well, the only place I can access the spirit world right now are ones where spirits live."
"Sokka told me about the Crystal Cave stories. Do you think it would be worth it to check them for a spiritual presence?"
"Yeah. I kinda wanted to go anyway, they sound cool!"
"Well, then let's go in a couple days. We have plans tomorrow with the school and at the teahouse I'd like to introduce you to Haruto."
"Sounds good!"
.
Katara likes Ba Sing Se, if only for the hot baths. It really is the most amazing feeling, to be submerged in hot water. Toph looks to be enjoying it also. It was a good suggestion from Haruto. He was surprisingly kind for someone so surly.
She sighs. She hopes his, Sokka's and Kaito's scheming will amount to all they want it to. They are trying to lighten Aang's burden. But their means… she knows that wars are fought with people dying on every side. Caused by others. Killing… Katara knows in her heart, in her gut that it is wrong. And yet it seems necessary to even see and end to the war. Killing for peace. What a paradox. How utterly wrong it is.
'What's wrong for you is right for them,' Gran-Gran had said when Katara had failed to understand why the Fire Nation would even start a war. 'Nobody ever starts a war thinking their reasons are wrong.'
Of course not. But still… there had to be something that could tell people what was really right. It used to be the Avatar and it could be again one day. But does might really make it right? Does his power really make him the best choice for this? And if not him, who? Could anyone be?
'The weak are meat, the strong eat,' the refugee begging in the streets yesterday said. 'You only share because you have an abundance. Not all do.'
Kaito joined them then, coming from the weapons shop he'd wanted to show Sokka. 'Spreading wisdom, eh, Chouji?' of course he knew the man's name, and turning to look at Katara briefly, he said, 'Only listen to the bits you understand. The rest is meant to sound wise, but don't let him fool you, he's a gambler and a charlatan by night.'
'Now, now, Kaito. No need to scare away potential customers.'
Katara felt a little floored as she watched the weak elderly man disappear as that wicked grin spread on his scraggly face. 'Don't feel bad, lass. The kindness is appreciated.'
So many facets, so many faces. Kaito probably only knew all that because he gambles himself. Katara is grateful for the time to think about everything that happened since their arrival to the city. The drill and the bloodbath they'd watched from on top of the wall. Ju Di's tour and its contrast with the reality. Meeting Kaito again, the bakery, the school and the university – all within a few days. And before, the library, the desert and the ever-present worry for Appa…
Katara's exhausted. She sighs again and concentrates on the feeling of the hot water. So good…
The Earthking won't meet them for a month. Is there a way to get to him sooner? Aang is the Avatar, after all-
No. now is her relaxing time, she will focus on the here and now instead of making plans! She breathes deep and slow. Relaxing.
… Maybe at an official event?
Damn it!
"Relax, Katara," Toph says.
"I am relaxed!"
"Sure you are."
She huffs.
"Busybody."
"What did you call me?"
"You heard me."
"Why, I ought to bend the water cold for that!"
Toph laughs and… Katara joins in. This is nice.
.
[The previous parts of the story are under revision, but editing is slow-going, as are the updates. I appreciate the continued, wonderful support. I wish you the best and strength of endurance until the pandemic is seen through globally.]