AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

"Dyad's Blessing, Dyad's Curse"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 31

Having a droid in his hospital room made Ben feel like a tenant sneaking a pet into an apartment where pets weren't allowed. Were non-medical droids allowed here? Renda hadn't said anything about them not being allowed and the regular medical droids hadn't expressed any disapproval, but it still felt like something out of the norm.

He and D-O spent the afternoon in an on-and-off conversation that had started when D-O said, "Parents. I-I want to know about your parents," which led to him talking sporadically about Leia teaching him to swim at Naboo's lake country, Han letting him play with his lucky dice on the Falcon, Han braiding Leia's hair and kissing her neck as she applied her makeup before going to senate events. Though there were long bouts of silence between stories, D-O didn't push Ben, instead letting him talk about his parents in his own time.

"Th-they sound nice," D-O said when it was clear that Ben was tired of telling stories.

"Yeah," said Ben, "they were."

D-O craned his head up at Ben. "You miss them." It wasn't a question.

Ben took several deep breaths to keep his eyes from welling up. "Yes, I do."

. . .

That evening, Ben decided to try walking to his room's adjacent refresher, which Renda approved of, though she insisted on giving him a cane to use in the refresher and standing outside the door herself in case anything would happen.

After washing his hands, Ben leaned on his cane and stared at himself in the mirror, realizing that this was the first time he'd seen his own face since waking. His skin was paler than he remembered, making the tiny freckles dotting his face more prominent, and his figure was skinnier, his skin hugging his bones in a tighter manner.

But what stood out the most was his eye.

In the last year he'd gotten used to the scar that cut across his face, inflicted by Rey on that night – that damn night! – but when Rey healed his body, she'd healed the scar too. Now his face looked empty without it.

He ran his finger down his face, tracing where the scar had once been, imagining that he could reinflict the scar by touching his face. After staring in the mirror for another few moments, he traced the scar a second time, this time actually scratching the skin with his fingernail, hard enough to bring pain but not hard enough to break the skin. Was it even possible to break skin with his fingernails?

"Ben?" Renda asked, knocking on the door. "Are you all right in there?"

Again he ran his fingernail down his face, welcoming the slight pain, staring at his reflection as if doing so long enough would make the scar appear again.

"B-Ben!" D-O called.

Ben let out a sigh, remembering the scar on his father's chin and trying in vain to imagine him without it, remembering how he used to sit in his father's lap and trace that scar with his finger, feeling either rough stubble or smooth skin depending on how long it had been since he'd shaved. "I'm fine," he said. "Just thinking."

. . .

Of course the Force chose to link Ben and Rey once he'd taken the sleep aid and the lights were out. Though he couldn't see her very well, he assumed she was in bed too. The smell of flowery soap filled his nostrils, making him unwillingly imagine for a moment that they were bathing together, though he quickly shook that image out of his mind. Fantasies like that weren't good for either of them.

"How's D-O doing?" she asked.

Ben rolled over to face the corner where D-O had settled. "D-O? Rey wants to know how you're doing."

"I-I'm doing fine," said D-O. "I-I like it here."

Ben rolled back over to face Rey. "He says he's doing fine and he likes it here."

"Good," said Rey, taking in a long inhale and letting it out in an incremented sigh as he felt her hand on his. "And you? How are you doing?"

"I don't know," said Ben, wrapping his fingers around hers. "I guess we'll dream of each other's memories tonight."

"Maybe," said Rey. "I guess it's pointless to share more happy memories."

"For dreaming, maybe," said Ben, swallowing as he stroked Rey's fingers. "We could still share memories to comfort each other."

Rey's hand pulled out of his. "I don't know if that will do much comforting, especially if we end up dreaming about each other's traumas anyway."

There was silence for a few minutes, during which the sleep aid started to take effect, luring Ben into the darkness, but Rey's voice jolted him awake.

"Are you angry?"

"I'm always angry," Ben grunted, only halfway joking.

"Well are you angry about something specific?"

Ben fiddled with the corner of his pillow, his hand feeling cold without Rey's touch. "I saw myself in the mirror today. You . . . healed my eye." His chest tightened as he spoke. "Why did you do that?"

Rey gulped. "It just sort of happened – I wasn't planning it – but why do you ask? Didn't the scar just remind you of that night?"

Ben ran his teeth over his lower lip, unsure how to explain why it bothered him. Because I DESERVE to have a permanent reminder of that night, part of him wanted to say, the words were on their way to pushing themselves out of his mouth, but then something different came out.

"I don't know if you noticed, but my dad had a scar on his chin." Just mentioning his father brought Han's grinning face to his mind. "I used to sit in his lap and trace the scar with my finger . . . I never knew him without it, to me it was just part of him."

He sensed a bit of confusion flowing from her. "So . . . your scar became part of you?"

Ben gulped. "It showed the courage you had, protecting the stormtrooper, standing by your principles, avenging . . . avenging someone murdered by his own son!" His breath hurried, turning into pants. "Looking in the mirror reminded me of how you had the strength that I didn't!" Again his eyes welled up, making him thankful for the dark even though Rey would undoubtedly sense his emotion.

"I'm not strong," Rey muttered.

"What?"

"I'm not strong," Rey repeated in a louder voice. "People keep acting like I'm a hero – I'm not. I was only able to stop Palpatine because I had the Jedi ghosts helping me. I ran away because I was afraid of the dark side!"

"So did Luke," Ben muttered.

"He ran because of guilt. I ran because of fear. I mean, he told me that it was fear that kept him away, but he'd already done something to justify that fear – I was afraid of what I might do." There was a tremble in her voice. "And I'm still afraid. I could still lose control again!"

Ben reached over and put his hand on her head, running his fingers through her slightly damp hair. "Fear doesn't make you weak."

Now she was the one with her hand on his head, her fingers running through his hair, their actions symmetrical to each other. "It doesn't make you weak either."

Her breath was steady, hypnotic, her lips inches away from his. In the haze of drowsiness, he remembered their kiss on Exegol and for a moment he was wondering if she would kiss him again, wanting her to kiss him again, but even on the edge of sleep, some part of him also wondered if it was the dyad making him want it.

It didn't matter anyway, since no kiss came, though her touch remained, soothing him, letting him drift off to sleep as her fingers brushed through his hair.