A/N: Hey! It's been a hot minute since I spoke to you guys! How are y'all holding up?

I've debated whether to do an ANBU section of the story, going into a lot of detail, but ultimately decided against it. I LOVE the ANBU, I think it's such a cool and under-explored topic, but it doesn't help me so much in getting to my goals for this [supposed to be] love story. Maybe in the future, I'll do an ANBU inspired story, or even a Short using this story's characters and context... let me know if that's something you're interested in! If it's ANBU-Kakashi-Romance you're really craving, do go check out "Out of the Dark" by AuryonBlack on AO3 and FFN. She is a fabulous writer and her story is just incredible, cannot recommend it enough!

We've passed 100k words (WHAT?! I know, it's crazy!) so I'm going to do a time skip. I hate time skips because they feel weird and pushed, but it's necessary to keep the story moving. Oh, and uh, decently detailed sex scene ahead. You have been warned. Thank you all for the continued support on this fanfic/Kakashi love story.

Alas, enjoy the chapter.

~R

Approximately two years later...

The grass is cold on my knees but it doesn't bother me. My mind barely has enough room for small bothers like that.

My senses are dulled, focused only on the incense that draws the attention of my nose. With eyes closed, I say a small prayer.

Finally, opening my eyes, I look upon the tombstone and adjust the fresh flowers once more before pushing to my feet. The porcelain mask still feels warm in my hand. I place it back on and take a deep breath before starting out of the graveyards.

My eyes catch on a young man on my way out. He's entering as I leave. He peers my way for only a moment before training his dullen eyes back to the graveyards.

Nobody questions an ANBU leaving the graveyards. They're seen here all the time, whether for guarding or to mourn the dead. Our identities are private but I know Shikamaru knows who I am. With his incredible observance and thought-processing skills, there's no way he would miss it.

The only ANBU he knows of who would be visiting the grave of Asuma Sarutobi is his sister, Ayame Sarutobi. Wife of Kakashi Hatake for four years. ANBU for two. Mother for one.

The only thing that got me through Asuma's death, truly, was the arrival of my daughter. She's the light of this dark life I lead. Though I operate in the shadows, my mind can remain in the light. My daughter is the sun in this dark, terrible world.

The mere thought of arriving home to see her giggling and playing, exploring and discovering... it fills me with joy I've never felt before. It's like all the terrible things in my life suddenly don't matter because all of it has led me to that precious child.

The key slides effortlessly into the lock and opens with a satisfying click. All the anticipation the last two weeks, the hope I'd felt during the dark, cold nights on my mission... her beautiful grey eyes just like her dad, soft brown locks like her mom... it all comes flooding back to me as I open the door to the apartment.

All my excitement crumbles when I'm met with a flailing, screaming child and equallyflustered husband, both surrounded by complete mess. It's nothing short of chaos. Toys all over the floor. Milk spilled in the kitchen by the high chair, which still has spaghetti all over it like some abstract piece of art. I can see the look of mild relief in Kakashi's eyes when he sees me enter, but it's short lived as he quickly returns to his continuous failed attempts to console our wailing daughter.

"Welcome home, honey," he says tiredly, almost with a hint of sarcasm, voice matching the drained look that frames his dulled eyes. He looks lovingly yet frustratingly at the one year old who has seemingly decided she's above wearing clothes. I catch a glimpse of the various outfits sprawled across the floor, probably thrown, and then to the naked child. A soft sigh escapes my lips.

"She'll only wear the fuzzy onesie after dinner. You know that."

He slumps back on the floor, supporting his weight on his hands. "I know," he echoes in defeat. "But she threw up on that one and it's not done washing for another hour. So now she's adamantly refusing to wear any clothes at all."

He looks tired and defeated. I know he's more than capable of caring for our child but moments like this make me wonder. It brings a small but gentle smirk upon my face.

We tend to care for her 50/50. He works his jonin mission schedule around my ANBU missions which are a little harder to choose. Luckily, he has the flexibility of choosing when and how long his missions are.

Though, it's rare we're both home at the same time. I'll go for a few weeks, he'll go for a few weeks... when either of us gets home, we hardly have one night together before the other leaves for a mission.

"Go get some rest," I say softly, hanging my porcelain mask behind the door and taking off the various metal arm protectors and weapons hanging from my uniform. They go up high, above the fridge, out of reach from tiny fingers. "You look exhausted."

"So do you," he mutters. "You need to rest. You've had a long mission."

To protest, I grab the little brown-haired girl off the ground and dress her. She doesn't fight back, just happy to see her momma again. When I'm done that, I set her in her play-pen and start tidying up.

"Go," I say, raising my brows in subtle sternness before kissing his cheek.

He gets up languidly off the floor and shuffles to the bathroom where I hear the squeal of the shower.

I turn back to the tiny human looking up at me with those grey, grey eyes and a wave of relaxation falls over me.

"I missed you Akaya," I say, unable to resist scooping her back up and giving her a good squeeze. "More than you'll ever know."

She's just starting to make sentences but for now she just babbles random words like "mama" and "dada" or "getti" (her word for spaghetti, which happens to be her favourite food). Warmth fills my chest as I hold her tightly in my arms after so long.

She babbles other things too. I notice her say "Suma" and can't help but feel a little sad. She will never remember her uncle Asuma because she was only 6 months old when he died. But his name is mentioned enough around here that she's picked up on it. She's lucky to have so many other loving caretakers. Shikamaru, for one, has taken it upon himself to assume the role of uncle to both my child and Kurenai's soon-to-be-born child. His strength and maturity never ceases to amaze me, though it's no surprise considering Asuma was his sensei and role model.

Sakura, whenever she's not on missions, training with Lady Trunade or on shift at the hospital, is our go-to babysitter if there's overlap between Kakashi and I's missions. That or Kurenai, who's very pregnant and not heading anywhere any time soon.

Akaya, named after my mother, will never know so many of the inspiring shinobi that made an impact on her momma's life but at least she has the next generation. A hopeful one too, at that. Ino, the kind blonde who sells us flowers (and gives us an extra bundle free every time) whenever we go to visit Asuma's grave together. Naruto, the bright blonde with an equally bright personality who never fails to make Akaya laugh with his frog-transformation jutsus or general goofiness. Then there's the other ANBU, who know so much about her from what I tell on missions. Most haven't even met her, but I know they'll always have her back should it come to it. Tenzo (though he demands to be called Yamato now) babysat her once and he never will again. Kakashi and I figured kids aren't his type. He looks at them like some strange, foreign object that he doesn't know what to do with. And despite improvement in his ability to speak to me without it being awkward, he's still incredibly awkward when he's with both Kakashi and me. Which is understandable, I guess. Watching the one he loves fall in love with someone else, get married, have children... it can't be easy for him. And while I feel for him, I have no regrets.

Night falls and with Akaya finally asleep and the living area clean, I start on the dishes which have piled up for what seems like the past week.

"Sorry," a voice whispers behind me. Kakashi takes a chair at the table, resting his face in his palms. "I kept up for the first week but the second caught up to us..."

I smile softly but keep focused on the dishes. I can see he's really trying. I guess parenthood is tough for Kakashi since he grew up alone for most of his life. He talks about Minato a lot and says he tries to be like him, but we both know Minato had patience beyond regular capacity.

I can hear his heavy sigh of disappointment in himself. It's enough to make me stop what I'm doing and turn around stiffly.

"You are doing a fine job," I say with a soft sternness. "We're both doing a fine job. A child with two active shinobi as parents will never have the same childhood as other children. We knew that when we both decided to keep in active duty, Kakashi."

I can tell the decision still weighs heavily on him. He wants only the absolute best for his daughter-his most prized possession, I'd sometimes hear him whisper to her when he'd hold her or feed her a bottle. But no matter how much he loves his family, he's a shinobi at heart and always will be. It's ingrained in him like the ANBU tattoo on his left shoulder. Like the same tattoo I have. We both love this village like it's our family and balancing our two families is never an easy task. It takes a physical toll, yes, but even more so an emotional one. It's a constant tug of war between this village and that grey-eyed little girl. I'd give my life for both but wouldn't want to leave either on their own. A predicament at its finest.

Another sigh from him before he gets to his feet and hugs me from behind. I succumb to his embrace, relieved to have a moment alone with my husband after so long. When was the last time we—

"Is Akaya asleep?" he whispers, practically reading my thoughts as he nibbles lightly on my ear. I carefully set the dish I was working on back into the sink and turn, resting my palms on his chest.

"Mhm," I answer on my tip toes, pecking the tip of his nose. He relaxes at this and to my surprise, he wraps strong arms around me and hugs me tight. For a while, we just stand there, embracing each other in the silence. I can hear the constant beating of his heart and soft, steady breaths. A sound I will never get sick of. A sound that keeps me grounded in good times and bad. A sound so familiar and warm. His hands rub circles on my back as he nuzzles his face in my hair.

"I love you, I love our daughter, and I love this life we've created. No matter how exhausting it may be sometimes... it's all worth it."

Hearing him voice these words brings a different kind of feeling to my chest. Almost like first-date butterflies. My head spins a little and my chest flutters as I hold tightly to the love of my life.

I nuzzle further into the space between his chin and chest.

Finally, at long last, he pulls away and looks longingly at me. Thank god, because I was starting to think he wasn't in the mood. The one night we have alone together in two months. The last many missions have unfortunately been overlap missions where we were handing Akaya off to a babysitter or only seeing each-other for a quick moment as one left while the other returned.

I can't seem suppress a giggle as I drag him to the bedroom, my other hand already getting a head start on the several buttons and latches on my ANBU uniform. He stops me, a strong but gentle grip on my wrist as his fingers fumble easily over the buckles and buttons, one by one, and he plants kisses down the side of my neck without pause. He knows these buttons and latches like the back of his hand. After all, he had the same ones for many years, many years ago. He could unlatch them in his sleep.

He takes over completely, skillfully removing the vest before his hand slides up under my shirt. He pauses on my abdomen for just a second, and his eyes change momentarily, but my hands are in his hair as our lips are dancing before either of us has time to think any more. Our lips dance a more needy dance, moving against each other in long-needed competition.

I let him dominate, wrapping my legs around his waist while he hoists me up against the wall. He doesn't hold me there long. Soon after, he spins and I'm placed gently on the bed as he straddles me. His eyes fill with mirth as I help him shed the last of his layers. Completely open, completely vulnerable, we explore each other fully. I catch quick glimpses of his proud smirks when he finds a good spot and gets a small reaction out of me. Eventually, I'm not even watching. Cheeks flushed and blood rushing low, he gives all of himself to me, and I to him.

Our mangled bodies, moans and whimpering cries fill my senses and all I can feel is him. His love. His passion. His warmth between my legs and in my a moment much too short, I reach my high. My brain is beautifully clouded and I cry out his name without a second thought, fingers clenching, probably leaving marks on his skin. His hands tighten around my waist and he lets his head fall into my shoulder, whispering wonderful words that send shivers through my entire body.

"Fuckkk," he says, and I'm not sure he knows that he said it. But I know he meant it when he proceeds to mutter, "I am so in love with you, Aya."

He finally finishes and he shivers and makes pleasing sounds that almost push me over again. I wrap myself around him and we lie there for a while, unmoving, two bodies as one. No words need to be spoken between us to feel the depth of this moment. His mismatched eyes look softly at me as he traces my face with a single finger, the other hand holding tightly to my waist, pulling me closer to him.

Damn, I am the luckiest woman on earth if I get to love this man for the rest of my life.

The one year old giggles in her high chair as I pretend to fly an airplane of oatmeal into her mouth.

"G'morning," a raspy voice echoes from the doorway.

"Morning," I reply, nodding to the plate on the counter. "Made pancakes, help yourself."

He fills his plate before grabbing a chair beside Akaya. His fingers pinch her little cheek as he smiles softly.

"And good morning to you," he says in a babbling voice. I can't help but crack up every time Kakashi uses a baby voice. Five years ago, I never would have thought him to be capable of that sort of bubbly nature but it turns out he's quite the baby babbler.

"I'm taking Akaya with me to see Kurenai today, so you'll have some time alone before you have to go on your next mission," I say with a mouthful of pancakes. He nods absently.

"Right," he says. It's tensely silent between us but this is nothing new. We tend to get like this when it comes to the other leaving for a mission. It's just part of the Shinobi Life, knowing in the back of your mind you may never return the same or at all. We like to think we've come to terms with it, but can one ever truly come to terms with that sort of thing?

I think we're both especially worried with the Akatsuki on the rise. They're making more moves than ever before yet still remain as mysterious as a group of stray dogs. We don't know where they came from. We don't know their intentions. Are they deeply rooted in hostility or are they simply trying to feed some sort of hunger?

After breakfast, Kakashi helps me clean up but we don't speak. There's a sad, empty silence that fills the room, knowing we must part ways once again. It seems this parting thing has become yet another routine... except it's one I'll never get used to.

While Kakashi grabs his vest and weapons, I get Akaya all ready to go and we exit the apartment together. He kisses my cheek then looks lovingly upon the one-year-old child in my arms, caressing her face and kissing her forehead before heading off, the opposite direction of us.

Another two weeks, I tell myself. Two weeks and we'll meet again. Kakashi won't die, he would never be able to live with himself if he did that.

We arrive at Kurenai's place and she welcomes us in with gladness. She offers to make the tea but I make her sit and play with Akaya while I prepare it. "You need the rest, time off your feet. Trust me, you may be feeling fine now but give it a few weeks and you will feel like there's an elephant standing on your shoulders." This earns both a grunt and a snicker from the red-eyed kunoichi as she rubs her jutting belly fondly.

"Trust me, I get lots of rest. Between Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji... Hinata's also been visiting a lot lately... and you, of course, I'm almost never on my feet. Believe me."

I smile softly as I hand her a cup of tea and she places it on a nearby table as she helps Akaya put together a block-puzzle.

"Say, exactly how far along are you?" I sip my own tea and the warm liquid soothes my dry throat.

"28 weeks," Kurenai answers.

I smirk as I think about how close in age our children will be. It's a good thing, really. It'll make their bond even stronger—they will be cousins, after all. Suddenly I feel the urge to tell Kurenai something I haven't even told my husband yet. It slips out before I can stop myself.

"I'm expecting again."

"You're pregnant?" she bursts, an uncontainable smile stretching across her face. I take another sip from my tea. "You know, that really does surprise me. With this wild child of yours," she pushes a stray stand of brown hair behind Akaya's little ear, "and your overlapping mission schedules... I mean, how the hell do you and Kakashi have time!?"

I choke down the tea I was sipping and go into a mini-coughing fit when I realize what Kurenai is asking. I hardly talk to anyone about my marriage, let alone my sex life.

"I- we- I mean, we find time," I mutter, avoiding the bold woman's eyes. However much of a respectable woman Kurenai is, she certainly isn't afraid to speak her mind. "I just found out on my recent mission. I haven't even seen the doctor yet so I have no way of knowing how far along I am. Two months along, at least, but there were... a few possible conception dates."

"Ah, you've been busy I see," she pokes.

Eager to stray away from the topic, I scoot closer and engage my daughter in a game of patty-cake.

"So have you thought of names yet?"

Kurenai sips her tea and leans back against the couch. "Well, Asuma and I actually talked about names... you know, before he..."

A breath falls out of my lungs as pain fills my heart. It never gets easier. It's been 6 months and I still feel breathless when I think about Asuma's sudden death. It's an every-day reminder that we're not guaranteed our days here on earth-especially as shinobi.

I find her hand and place mine on hers, showing my reassurance and that I understand. We don't need to speak any words to know the effects of this moment.

"Mirai Sarutobi."

I smile softly as I give Kurenai's hand a subtle squeeze. "Mirai, meaning The Future. It's perfect Kurenai."

After a short moment of peace and quiet, Akaya starts whimpering, and despite my attempts to console her she begins to cry. Sighing, I scoop her up and we pace the room. Kurenai watches with a hand clutching her round stomach.

"I don't know how you do it, Ayame."

"Do what?" I furrow my brows as I bounce my daughter back to comfort.

"Everything. You're pretty much single parents since you and Kakashi are never home at the same time. Plus being an ANBU captain... and captain of the Assassination Squad at that. I can't imagine performing those kinds of missions then returning home to a toddler and putting on a happy face."

"Yeah, well," I mutter as I melt into her beautiful grey eyes. "She gives me the strength I need to see through the dark. If not for my role, she might be in danger. I live in the shadows so others don't have to."

Kurenai simply nods, fiddling with her fingers as she looks down on her baby bump.

"What is it?" I press.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Kurenai. You're blatant as a child. I can tell when you're off."

She pushes off the ground and sits on the couch, leaning back into the soft cushions, her usually bold red eyes looking soft and far off as she whispers, "I just can't imagine raising a child in this world of darkness-"

"-That's why we need to work to protect our village," I cut in.

"No, I know, but there comes a day when we can't protect them any more. They grow up and become the protectors and- and sometimes-" When the tears start forming in her eyes, I put Akaya down in front of the block puzzle and head over to the couch, plunking myself down beside the black-haired woman. "-and with the Akatsuki on the rise... I mean, that terrible immortal man was only one of them, Ayame, and who knows how many more of them there are and how strong they might be! Itachi Uchiha... that freaky shark guy... I heard Orochimaru was seen with them at one time... who knows why he left, but these guys are strong and- and they killed Asuma and they'll just keep killing more people and-"

"No, we can't always protect the ones we love. It's something I struggle with every day. And I worry about the Akatsuki too, every—single—day. It's okay to feel this way. I'd be more worried if you didn't worry about your loved ones. But for right now, you need to rest and take care of yourself. This child of yours is your only priority, trust the village to keep you safe and take care of the rest."

She raises an eyebrow at this, "You're one to talk."

"What do you mean?!" I exclaim.

"How long did you take off when you were first pregnant with Akaya? What was it... three weeks? I'm surprised Lady Tsunade let you continue your missions with your history of miscarriage."

I huff and smirk and cross my arms, laughing a little at my own hypocrisy. "You got me there."

"Wait... how the hell did you manage to continue missions? Tsunade is a doctor, there's no way she'd allow you to work while pregnant-" Kurenai freezes mid-sentence and looks at my suspiciously. "Don't tell me you-"

"I didn't tell her."

Kurenai sits up, flabbergasted. "And Kakashi-"

"I told him Tsunade put me on village duties."

The look of complete and utter shock on Kurenai's face makes me giggle. She sits like a statue, eyes wide and jaw dropped. "You didn't."

"I did."

"And what are you planning to do this time? With this child?" she nods to my abdomen, concern in her eyes.

"Well, I-"

"Ayame."

"What?" I plead. "You didn't even let me finish."

"I know what you're going to say."

"No you don't."

"You were gonna say that you're gonna hide this pregnancy too. And that puts you and your baby at risk and I won't let you."

"No, that's not what I was going to say," I state matter-of-factly. "I was gonna tell you that I'm planning to step down from ANBU."

"You're... you're gonna leave ANBU?" She echoes.

"Yes."

"You're lying to me."

"Nope," I chime as I go over to my daughter and grab her off the ground. "I wanna step down for a bit and spend time with Kakashi and this sweet girl. And now with the pregnancy, I want to ensure it goes to term. I was risking way too much with the last one and now I can see how important it is to care for myself and my little one."

"Prove it."

"I've already handed in my resignation. Gave it to Lady Tsunade at the debrief after my recent mission."

I think Kurenai looks relieved and it reminds me so much of the look Kakashi always gives me when I return home from a mission. My missions are slightly more dangerous than his by nature and it's always bothered him. If it were his choice, he'd keep me on village security duties indefinitely. Thank god he's not Hokage.

"So when are you gonna tell him?" Kurenai asks as she gets up and brings our empty mugs to the kitchen.

"Mm, probably when he gets back from his current mission in a few weeks. By then I'll likely be nearly three, maybe four months along."

Kurenai's eyes drop to my abdomen and she examines it hard.

"How the hell-"

"I've been wearing my baggy shirts, and the ANBU vests and cloaks hide it well."

I pull the shirt tight and the bump makes itself known. Kurenai's eyes soften and she smiles softly, "I'll have to throw you a proper baby shower since you didn't get one the first time, ya dummy."

I laugh and hold my abdomen with one hand and my little girl with the other. For the first time in a long time, my heart feels full. And not just a temporary rush when I first see my family after a long mission or when my husband kisses me after so long... a warmth that seems to resonate, one that feels like it might never go away. I've done my duty to my village and now it's time to slow down. I'll go back to regular shinobi duties after this child is born and look back on the quality time I was able to spend with my husband and daughter, and look at my (hopefully) healthy second child and feel glad for the time I took; something that's just not achievable with my current lifestyle.

Something that I desire even more than ANBU, which is something I never thought I'd do but life changes and we sometimes surprise ourselves.

Sometimes we have to give in to the tug of war constantly pulling on us. Sometimes we need to let it go because we're too tired to pulling. If we don't let go, eventually one side falls into the mud. I don't want my village or my family to fall so I choose to let go of one side for the sake of both.