THIRTY-ONE

I was unsurprised when Carlisle practically put the gas pedal through the floor and the sports car took off like a bullet. Although, when I glanced into the rearview mirror, it was obvious that my obsessed-admirer was using everything he had not to lose us. I stayed curled up to my mate's side, stroking the arm closest to me and nuzzling my face against his shoulders. I cooed to him my love and adoration, hoping it would help ease his rage some, and it seemed to work. He did not abandon me and the car and go after Jake like I was certain that he wanted to. After a few moments, his violent tremors calmed to slight and intermittent shivers.

I was surprised when my phone suddenly sang out with Jasper's ringtone and answered it immediately. "Jasper?" Without thinking, I instantly put him on speaker phone, relaxing slightly when his Southern drawl filled the cabin. "What's happening?"

"Hey, Bella-darlin'," he said evenly. "Alice said that if I called Carlisle, he'd start talkin' a mile a minute and that you'd get upset at not knowin' what's happenin'. I figured this way, I have to talk slower and Carlisle will have to do so too."

I could tell by my mate's growl that he was not thrilled at all by this. After a quick reminder from his son that it was that sort of behavior that caused problems with Edward and I, he took a deep breath and murmured his apologies to me, kissing the top of my head. I returned the kiss to the under-side of his jaw before repeating my question to Jasper.

"Well, from what I can hear, Emmett and Rosalie should be pullin' behind you-" his words alerted me to the rumble coming up fast behind us- "now." Sure enough, the Jeep whipped in behind us and kept right on our tail. "I've talked to Sam and he's not happy at all. Jake went against a direct order, which means he's broken from the pack."

My mate snarled, which let me know this was not a good sign, and as if sensing my question, the Texan explained, "Bella, it means Jacob is completely uncontrolled at this point. He has no one to answer to-" he ignored Carlisle's ugly mumbles- "and no one to keep him in his place. Sam's willin' to take him back this once, after he gives the boy a good butt-kickin'. He wants us to meet at the treaty line, but I told him that you might need a few hours alone, Carlisle. I explained how well you were doin' with your control, but that you were already on edge when it comes to Jacob... since the mutt's already threatened Bella once. He understood and said to meet up at the line in three hours."

Carlisle seemed unable to speak, so I asked a question that was burning in my mind. "If he's broken from the pack then he won't have second thoughts about walking into Cullen territory." My mate roared so loudly that it actually made my ears ring, so I leaned over and began nuzzling his neck, kissing and licking where his pulse should have been. In between my administrations, I questioned Jasper, "What are we going to do about keeping him away from your land?"

"Well, at this point in time, we're not only worried about you," the younger vampire drawled. "I honestly think that boy's done lost his mind, so we need to keep Charlie safe too. We don't really think he's goin' to go after your dad though, since you're his target, but we still want to put him in the cabin, since it's safer. Esme will patrol the area near the cabin and the rest of us will patrol the remainder of the perimeter. I'd suggest that Carlisle go hunt, and once he's through, he'll stay in the house with you until he's calmer. I'll stay just outside the house till he gets back."

My mate seemed to agree with this and nodded. I relayed the acquiescence to Jasper, who said he was waiting for us to arrive, which happened sooner than I would have thought possible.

Jasper led me inside while Carlisle disappeared into the forest to hunt and directed me to go up to mine and Carlisle's bedroom. I was only on the third stair that I heard the shhnk of the huge, metal shutters crashing down over the glass wall. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I turned to the young vampire. "Surely, this is a little much!"

He shook his head. "With Jacob being a young and volatile wolf, there is no telling what he'll do. He's broken from his pack, so he will not feel the urge to return to them. The chances are high that he will come here." When I cringed, he continued, "Sam and I have already discussed the possibility of this, and while we normally show them the courtesy of going to the edge of their territory, if Jacob comes here instead of going home, the pack will be ready to come get him. And there is a very good chance that Jacob will try to cross into our territory and attempt to make it to the house." He nodded upwards. "Go to your room. Carlisle views that as the heart of his den and he believes you're safest there." When I asked what the safest room was, he smiled bitterly. "You live in a world of vampires and werewolves now, Bella. There isn't one."

I returned his twisted smile with a sympathetic one of my own and tried to push as much acceptance at him as possible before turning and disappearing into my bedroom. I took a few moments to relieve myself in the bathroom then quickly disappeared into the closet, where I changed into a pair of old jeans and, for both my comfort and his, slipped on one of Carlisle's buttoned up shirts. After situating myself in the center of the bed, I waited.

It was about five minutes later that I heard the slam of two doors, almost simultaneously, before I was dragged back against a cool, vibrating chest. He only growled audibly when I tried to turn in his grasp, so I gently stroked his arms through his shirt and spoke quietly so as not to upset him. "Carlisle, I know you're being tested again, but there's no one in the house. The shudders are down and if anyone comes into the yard, you'll know it. I'm safe. I just want to see you."

He loosened his embrace and I turned in his lap so I could see him and offered him a loving smile. I instantly noticed that venom was leaking from the corners of his lips and gently inquired as to how he was feeling. I watched as he opened his mouth to speak, embarrassment and anger crossing his features when he was unable to produce any other sound than a growl.

When he looked away in shame, I cupped his marble cheek. "My beautiful beast," I cooed tenderly, letting all of the love and adoration that I felt bleed into my gaze when he looked back at me. "I know you're trapped inside the beast's cage, Carlisle, but I know you can hear me. Do you know why I said that in the car?" He shook his head as a no and I darted forward, lapping away the drops of trickling venom then sitting back to stare at him. "What you said this morning is true, and it's something that I've been trying to get you to realize all along. With your own words you acknowledged that in the deepest parts of your now-living heart and thriving soul, you are a beast."

I stroked the planes of his face reverently. "But the key is your heart and soul. You are man and animal, Carlisle, and you have balanced that so well. Your heart and soul are perfectly braided with the bestial nature inside you, and the animal inside of you is just as beautiful as your heart and soul. The animal inside you is beautiful, Carlisle. The monster that you think is inside isn't some ugly creature that thrives on carnage. You don't take pleasure in the thought of hurting others. You don't delight in destruction. The beast inside you is as beautiful, loving, protective and respectful to me as the man. A monster does not place anything above itself, but you have, Carlisle... time and time again."

I raised myself up on my knees and stared him directly in the eyes. "I don't know how many times or how many ways to say it, Carlisle. I don't just tolerate your animal instincts. I don't just accept them. If you have not noticed, I delight in them. I revel in everything you are, Carlisle. I take as much pleasure and joy from the animal as I do the man, and I love the beast you are as much as I love the man you are."

His lips parted and he huffed in frustration when his bestial nature kept him from speaking. He glanced at me, emotions that he wanted to express but could not glittering in the onyx depths. I watched him worry with his lower lip for a minute, before he took my face in both of his very large hands and stared directly into my chocolate eyes.

It only took a second or two for his soul to reach out to mine, my own spirit stretching out to melt with his, and within moments, there were no longer two souls but one. So while I could not hear any words, audibly or mentally, I could feel them, almost as if they were a living entity. And as we gazed into each others eyes, minds, hearts and souls, it was clear that he had trouble understanding why I could love the beast in him, when he could barely except the creature he was, much less love himself as he was. I shook with the combination of our emotions as I forced the feelings that I had for not only the man he was but for the animalistic half of him, into every single fiber of his immortal being. I shoved all of the passion, the love, and the sheer reverence I held for the beast into him, barely hearing his choked breath over the sound of my - our - beating heart.

Had he not grabbed my waist, I would have been knocked flat of my back by the powerful waves of his and the beast's love for me. I realized only a second too late that the tears streaming down my face were not really mine, but his. For too long, he had been unable to cry, so in that moment, our spirits shared each other's bodies, and for the first time in nearly four hundred years, he was able to weep, our tears spilling over our cheeks as we both panted and trembled under the weight of our overwhelming emotions.

Just as I forced my love of my beast into him, he forced into me his awe and wonder, his delight and joy. He forced me to feel how unworthy he thought that he was of me until now and how more than worthy I should have felt to be his. He forced images into me that took my breath away, his view of me much different from my own, and when I begged to be released, unable to accept what he showed me, he only pushed harder. The force of his own pure love caused my own tears to mix with his, as he showed me how unfounded my shame was, how my own humanity was his greatest gift, and how all of the things that I hated most about my own existence, he loved and revered.

I nearly screamed in agonizing ecstasy as our souls shattered inside one another. I collapsed against him in exhaustion as I came down from my spiritual high. As he snuggled me closer to his body, I felt him ask Are you quite all right, cara mia? and stared up at him in amazement, as he smirked down at me. Should I take that as a yes?

The look on my face must have been priceless, because he just grinned at me like a lunatic.

I could not hear him, not with my ears and not in my head, but I felt him. I felt his words as if they were beginning in my own body. It was like the words were being painted on the canvas of my - our - soul, and it was both intriguing and exciting. And a bit confusing, which is why I just blinked at him for a few moments before I attempted to send him a message, forgetting that it was our souls that were joined and not our brains.

He felt my hesitation and reached out to touch my cheek, running his thumb across the delicate skin near the corner of my eye. Try not to think of it. I do believe our soul feels what it wishes to communicate and translates it to the receiver. Close your eyes, cara mia. Feel. Do not think.

I complied and let my eyes drift close, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. I simply felt the wonder of what happened. Soon, I realized that if I gave up on focusing on what was actually in front of me, it was like suddenly being on a different plane of existence. I could see us in the same positions that we were in now, only there was a pillar of what appeared to be silver fire between us, with thick threads going from that central column to each of our spiritual bodies.

On a strange urge, I reached out with my spiritual image and began to trace my fingers in the cool fire. Carlisle? I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me. Do you feel that? When he nodded, I returned his smile brightly. What does it look like to you? I see a fire... sort of silvery fire.

He cocked his head to the side, his topaz eyes studying me curiously, obviously surprised by my revelation. Water. A pillar of smokey blue water.

Now I was curious, but I had to remember to not focus on the real world and what surrounded my physical body. If I opened my eyes, I would lose this. So I kept them closed and continued to drift with the sensations I was feeling shared between myself and my mate. Why are we seeing two different things?

Perhaps it is just how our spirits visually see the other. Since we began the mating process, you have viewed a very aggressive side of me. Fire is a rather aggressive element, and if unconfined, it can destroy. Since I admitted our bond to you, I have seen a strong, confident, and powerful woman who exudes calm and wisdom. Water is a very feminine element, yet at the same time the most powerful on Earth. While calming and nurturing, in the end, water rules and drives most every living thing upon this Earth.

Have you ever heard of anything like this happening before?

Once... While mates' souls merge, it is quite rare that they merge on the planes that ours seem to have done. It is said that vampires usually merge on two planes: the physical and the emotional. But I know personally of another couple that merged on five of the seven attainable planes. Well... attainable for for vampires anyway.

Which planes are those?

The physical, the emotional, the mental, the spiritual and the divine.

Divine?

Yes. It is when a spiritual bond goes beyond just sensing the emotions to experiencing them as their own. Before, if you remember, we could sense each others emotions when we had contact with each other. As we are right now, our souls are not only joined, but they have actually become one soul. There is no longer 'your' soul or 'my' soul. It is 'our' soul. Together.

I smiled at the thought and snuggled close to him, as curiosity got the better of me. Who was it that you knew?

He sighed audibly and kisses the top of my head before he spoke aloud. "It was centuries ago. Do you remember when I drank your menstrual blood for the first time and our soul climaxed, and I told you that I had heard of such a miracle happening twice before?" When I nodded, he continued. "One of those couples, I have never met. The other I lived with for practically one hundred years. Though when I lived in Volterra, the incident had already occurred and I only learned of some of the effects."

When I sent him a rush of my desire to know more, he sent back his understanding and buried his lips in my hair. "Centuries before I joined the Volturi, a teenage girl of about thirteen or fourteen was presented to Aro as a gift. Her parents had died when she was very young and the grandmother was ill and dying herself. When Aro touched the older woman, it was obvious that she knew what they were. She would have rather her granddaughter die in a slightly more merciful way than being left on the streets and be open to rape and torture." When I shivered in horror as the images of what would have happened to the girl, he soothed me by stroking my arms and purring against my temple. He poured out waves of calm over me. He continued through our bond. People of that time were far less jaded. That was normally dangerous to a human's existence, but knowing that the grandmother only had a few more weeks to live at best, Aro allowed to live out her days in peace.

The Volturi could not kill the girl, however, as she turned out to be Aro's mate. This was the second reason he spared the older woman. And while it would have been acceptable at that time for a girl as young as she to be wed and mated to a man who appeared so much older, Aro is a very wise being. He knew that as time passed, being mated to a girl that young would be entirely unacceptable, so he had his brothers raise her as their daughter.

"When she was seventeen," he continued vocally, "he admitted their mate bond to her. By that time, she was well aware that her family were vampires and she accepted this without hesitation, which Aro knew she would, because anytime he touched her, he knew her thoughts. However, he still did not change her. He wished to wait until she appeared closer to his age, so they continued their relationship much in the same manner as ours, with him drinking the blood from her veins as well as her menstrual blood."

I blushed darkly as I was suddenly flooded with the intense images and feelings of what it had been like for him to drink both. Those visions were immediately followed by the events of our mating in the forest. I whimpered as my body began to shake violently under the weight of the emotions, and I found myself crying out that it was becoming too much for my human mind and body to handle, taking slow deep breaths as his soothed me with our bond and his purrs.

Once I was completely relaxed, I let him know that I wished to hear the rest of the story and was quite pleased by the warm waves that he poured over me as he wrapped himself completely around me. "Aro, having acted upon the majority of his vampiric instincts since he was first changed, was not generally prone to outbursts as I currently am. However, the first time Sulpicia was threatened - this was by a newborn who was training for their guard - he did not take to it kindly. He was far less gracious than I have been with Jacob Black."

From what little private details were given me, I know that he claimed his mate in much the same way that I claimed you in the forest. He had been hesitant about claiming her in such a manner before. This was not out of fear of what he was, but like you, Sulpicia is rather petite and he did not wish to injure her. However, just as you, she handled the animalistic mating quite well and their souls merged in the way ours just did immediately after.

I felt curiosity rising within me as to why our souls had not merged in the forest and felt him explaining that it was not the physical mating that caused their two souls merge, or ours, and that it was a rare occurrence that was more than likely based on the emotional responses of the male to the human females that they had claimed in such intimate and spiritual ways.

Their mating was very intense, mirroring ours in many ways. The only principal differences would be the length of time that you remain human and the effects thereof.

"Effects? What effects?"

He purred loudly in my ear, trying to keep the panic his words incited from rising to the surface. "Cara mia, nothing harmful will befall you, I promise." He sent me images of the female vampire in question, as well as the things he sensed from her, and I realized instantly what he meant. But you must understand, he continued through our bond, that Sulpicia remained human for nearly twenty years. Aro did not change her until her thirty-second birthday approached. Because she was human for such an extended period of time, her body had longer to adapt to the venom. So the parts of her that were not burned away were frozen in a human state, which is how she kept her eye color and why she required certain human foods... though she only seemed to be able to eat meat and fruits. Grains, vegetables, and dairy did not agree with her. Her body could not tolerate those. Curiosity and bewilderment flowed from him into my body. To this day, I have been unable to determine why she was able to consume fruits, but not vegetables. It's quite strange, indeed.

I could sense his brain traveling in a different direction as the physician in him began to instinctively search for the answer to a centuries-old question that apparently still plagued him. I smiled and gently prodded him with my amusement and focus. I giggled as a feeling of sheepishness washed over me and leaned up and kissed his cheek, murmuring softly against his cool skin. "You're so adorable."

He sent me images of his view of the hunt I had seen. I am a vampire and an alpha. There is nothing adorable about my existence. Of course with that, he sent wave after wave of warm and fuzzy feelings and I felt myself grinning like moron. After he released me from his grip of near-debilitating giddiness, he continued to explain more to keep away my previous worry. "While you might retain traces of your humanity, such as your eye color or your ability to eat, you will not have to worry about aging or being susceptible to the ills of humanity, because the parts of you that adapt over time are, in all actually, slowly taking on the frozen state of vampirism. So it is still entirely impossible for you to become ill, age, or die. Well... except for the obvious way."

I sent him images of him drinking both my venous and menstrual blood with waves of curiosity and concern. I felt him send a twinge of sympathy back to me, along with the image of my blood being burned away. "I am sorry, mia passerotta," he whispered into my hair. "But I clearly remember Sulpicia smelling of venom, and she was human for nearly four times the length that you will remain so."

"You aren't going to be upset?" I questioned, immediately hit with waves of disbelief and love.

"M'Isabella," he cooed. "As much as I enjoy the taste of your blood, having you as my mate for all eternity is far more important to me." He flooded our soul with pure, untainted love. My soul chose you, because it wished to be joined with you in immortality, not because my tongue desires the taste of your blood. Drinking your blood is a delightful treat, but nothing more. Your soul joining mine, you being mine forever... that is what completes me. That is what makes my soul happy.

And I felt it.

.

TBC

Today's Latin Proverb: Credula est spes improba. (He that lives on hope dances without music.)