Trigger warning: panic attacks, mentions sexual assault, mental health issues, dark scenes.
Chapter 30 – Cut Off My Wings and Come Lock Me Up
Nerves threatened to get the best of her as Sakura climbed into Sasuke's car, envisioning how uncomfortable the next hour or so could become. Of course, she knew her discomfort would be nothing in comparison to her boyfriend's, and Sakura scolded herself for thinking in such a selfish way – he needed her support, not hesitation.
Still, she couldn't help but hesitate, guilt winding its way around her heart with an unyielding grip.
It'd only been a couple of hours since she drove Itachi to Shisui's place, and all of the negativity that was once overshadowed by his presence came shooting straight back tenfold after he left. At the time, having those emotions banished or soothed by him granted her a bordering on otherworldly relief (maybe even euphoric if Sakura was feeling dramatic enough to describe it as such), and she always fell victim to craving that relief, but it was just a temporary fix.
Sadly, no amount of warning herself of that fact kept her from falling prey to her needs. Every time she fell for the promise of reprieve and like any addict, thrived in the high of her drug. But the come down was…
"Hey," she greeted, smiling. "You ready?"
"No," Sasuke stunned her by replying honestly, his lips quirking upwards.
Before her boyfriend could brush off his reply and set off, Sakura reached out, touching his arm gently and stilling his movements. "What's got you worried?"
He sighed at that and seemed to look anywhere except her, but Sakura understood that, in a way. Recently, looking people in the eye was growing frustratingly harder and made her extremely uncomfortable because every time she did, she feared they could see straight through her and paranoia chewed away at her insides. It wasn't even her relationship with Itachi that Sakura was afraid of being uncovered – it was everything else.
"You're going to see a side of me that…" Sasuke visibly struggled for the words he needed, and she felt her heart lurching in response, hand giving his arm a comforting squeeze. "It could trigger you," he murmured, troubled as he glanced her way, dark eyes searching her features with a worry that fought to show fully on his features. "I got angry in the first session and today feels like that day all over again."
Refusing to show her apprehension of his rage, Sakura willed herself to toughen up, finally meeting his gaze determinedly. "Well, it's a good thing we'll be with a therapist then, right? If I do have a panic attack, then they're there to help."
Sasuke faltered, then mumbled almost embarrassedly, "I don't know if he will. He's good at what he does, but he's eccentric and I get the feeling he's a sadist too."
She blinked owlishly, demanding, "Then why the hell are you still his patient?"
A sadist? A freaking sadist? What the hell was Sasuke doing with him, then? Why hadn't he ditched the man and gone with someone more empathetic? Why would anyone in their right mind give a sadist a license?
His smirk threw her off and didn't prepare her in the least for his quiet words of, "He gets it more than anyone I've met so far."
The therapist's office was small with bland colours. Not so small that she instantly felt closed in, but rather apprehensive due to Sasuke's warning of how he'd responded to his first therapy session, and how the session she was about to sit in on felt similar to that day. As soon as he started to lose his temper, Sakura knew the size of the room would become too much for her, crushing her as the walls closed in and–
Be stronger than that!
"Get comfortable," Sasuke told her with a sigh of annoyance. "He's always late."
Always late? On top of being a sadist? Even with the certificates decorating the wall behind his neat, spotless desk, Sakura questioned the guy's professionalism, because surely turning up late to a patient's session and getting a kick out of what they were telling him, was a huge no-no in the industry? What did his co-workers think of that? Did he ever get into trouble because of it?
Sasuke wasn't an idiot, Sakura repeatedly reminded herself, but the potential to be misguided was there.
Ten minutes later and she looked to her boyfriend in disbelief, demanding, "Is he always this late?"
"Aa."
Why did he look so okay with it? "And you just accept it? Don't you have to pay for this time?"
"No. I pay from the moment he enters the room."
Well, at least there was that, she supposed.
Part of Sakura itched to stand up and walk around, to busy herself somehow as her mind repeatedly strayed into dangerous, paranoid territory. She couldn't help but fret over the kinds of questions she would be asked, or whether Sasuke's words would actually trigger a panic attack. What would that mean for them if that was the case? What if she couldn't handle the things he had to say?
Stop it, she warned herself. For once, this isn't about you!
It wasn't until Sasuke placed a hand to her knee that Sakura realised it was bouncing erratically, her cheeks colouring as she apologised quietly. Gods, she hoped he didn't regret bringing her along – when she said she wanted to support his healing, Sakura meant it wholeheartedly. She wanted to be there and supporting him every step of the way.
Her nerves eased ever so slightly when he entwined their fingers, sighing like he'd also needed the comfort but hadn't wanted to admit to it. Smiling, Sakura momentarily dropped her forehead to his shoulder, wishing she could hold him properly but knowing it would be inappropriate to do so.
"I love you," she murmured softly just as the door opened and she jolted back slightly, embarrassed until she realised the therapist hadn't seen or heard a thing. Or, if he had, then he didn't acknowledge the tender moment. Either way, Sakura was grateful.
"Sorry about that," he said in a drawl, shutting the door and smiling. "I was getting yelled at."
Wait! He was…
"Let me guess: Obito again?"
Holy shit, it was a small world. A ridiculously small world.
Sakura sat slack jawed as the man turned and offered the pair of them a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his messy silver hair in a carefree manner. She recognised him easily from the photographs covering the walls of Obito and Rin's home, the ones she'd stared at for the longest time while watching over Ino. His untamed hair and lidded gaze were unmistakable.
Standing when he held out his hand in greeting, Sakura shook it firmly, still in shock.
"Hatake Kakashi."
She tried her best to smile. "Haruno Sakura."
"You look spooked," he said cheerfully and sat down in the chair opposite the sofa she and Sasuke occupied, leaving her to copy his example in her own time.
Hardly spooked. More like… wary. Going off the pictures and now knowing his name, Sakura recalled the way Obito had left the room to answer a call from the man opposite her, calling him stupid Kakashi. Was she to assume he knew of Ino's situation? Would he know about the risk Rin was taking in essentially holding an eighteen year old girl hostage?
"Not at all," Sakura tried her best to reply in a carefree manner, wholly aware of Sasuke's suspicious gaze on her. "I was just thinking it's a small world."
"Ah, because of Sasuke's cousin Obito?"
She nodded.
A sigh from the man beside her captured her attention and Sakura looked to Sasuke inquisitively. "That's how I found Kakashi."
"Through Obito-san?"
"Aa."
A small, hopeful smile played along her lips no matter how badly she tried to hide it. "You spoke to him about it?"
He shifted uncomfortably, glancing to Kakashi. "Aa."
The next hour was going to be difficult – she'd known from the moment he asked her to join him that it would be. Although Sasuke now opened up to her about what was going on with him, it was never to such an extent. He never left himself emotionally (or mentally) vulnerable to her, or anyone for that matter, unless he couldn't manage the huge emotions that were overwhelming him.
She glanced back to the older man, taking in the casual way he was dressed as he relaxed back into his chair, his clipboard resting beside him on the arm. When Sakura thought of therapists (because admittedly, she'd only ever seen them in movies or television shows), they were always dressed professionally in suits or dresses of some kind, with a neat appearance and softly spoken voice.
Kakashi, on the other hand, was dressed down and had hair that looked as though he hadn't even bothered to brush it that morning. While his voice was laidback, Sakura couldn't tell as of that moment whether it was soothing or not. Would someone who looked and sounded so unprofessional really be capable of helping her boyfriend?
"I have to admit when Sasuke described you, I never envisioned you to be so…"
Sakura frowned, anxiously awaiting the continuation of his sentence as Kakashi allowed it to hang in the air for several tortuous moments, solidifying Sasuke's warning of him being a sadist.
"…small," the silver-haired man finished, smiling.
"Small?" she repeated unsurely, assessing the difference in her height against Sasuke's. Even when sat down, it was evident there was a considerable difference, but that was hardly fair when just about everyone but her seemingly hit a second growth spurt, leaving her behind at a measly five foot two (and a bit).
"He speaks highly of you," the therapist informed her. "I believe he even stated he respects your ability to frighten people. I wasn't expecting you to be so short."
"That's not–"
"Ah, ah, Sasuke," he said with a taunting smile. "We agreed not to lie in this room."
Cheeks colouring both at the knowledge of Sasuke talking highly about her to his therapist, and having said therapist teasing them both about it, Sakura resisted the urge to look up at her boyfriend, heart skipping beats.
"Let's go over some basic rules," he abruptly stated rather than asked, looking to his clipboard and reading out blandly, "What is discussed in this room will not be repeated unless I deem you to be a risk to yourself or others. That applies to you too, Sakura-chan."
She nodded in understanding.
"All devices should be silenced, although I prefer for them to be turned off entirely. The buzzing can be quite the distraction," Kakashi continued. "As mentioned before, the agreement is that there are no lies in this room. By all means, take your time in opening up or telling me you're not ready yet. But please, no lies."
Okay, he wasn't half as bad as she'd originally thought him to be, Sakura relented with a small smile of relief, once again nodding in understanding.
"Sasuke and I discussed your involvement in the sessions you choose to join and while some choose to charge an additional fee for this, know that you can confide in me and I will do my utmost to help you without said charge," he informed her. "I believe your involvement would be massively beneficial in Sasuke's progression. But more than that, from my understanding, there are many issues that need addressing, issues that are beginning to have an impact on your life, also."
Uneasily, Sakura nodded, gaze dropping to her fidgeting hands. Funny how, until she saw them, she hadn't realised she was moving. Inwardly grimacing, she stilled her hands, resisting the urge to frown down at them when she noticed indentations from her nails.
"Would you like to briefly tell me what's been happening?" he questioned, tone gentling somewhat.
It was insane how aware she suddenly was of Sasuke's presence by her side, the feeling of his gaze boring into her overwhelming until Sakura risked a glance up at him and realised he wasn't actually looking at her. Damn it, was she starting to seriously lose her shit? How could it feel like he was staring at her?
"I've never been a confrontational person," Sakura started unsurely, frowning because that wasn't entirely truthful, was it? But how did she word it? "As in, I never really went looking for trouble, but if somebody said or did something I didn't agree with, I could speak up and hold my own, you know?"
Amusement clung to Sasuke as he snorted, saying, "In the process scaring people twice your size."
She blushed and chuckled nervously, thankful for his input no matter how it made her sound, because the struggle to put her thoughts into words or even feel comfortable in voicing said thoughts was difficult. Having him there, willingly talking too, made it easier and Sakura felt her shoulders relaxing somewhat, surprising her since she hadn't realised that they were so rigid until that point.
"Lately, though, I just…" She shook her head and swallowed, hand coming to her chest to emphasise her next words of, "I have this constant weight in my chest."
"Can you explain that weight?"
When her fidgeting started once more, that time, she was aware of the stinging sensation that came with her nails catching her fingers, but for the life of her she couldn't stop it.
"It started with back-to-back conflicts but now it feels like just about anything can trigger a panic attack." Smiling sheepishly as Sasuke shifted in his seat, their arms brushing together reassuringly, she added while feeling so stupid for admitting it, "It feels like I can't do anything right nowadays and it's draining me."
Kakashi appeared thoughtful at that, and she certainly didn't miss the brief glance downwards as he took in Sasuke's gesture. "What do you do when you're having a panic attack?"
Honestly? As ridiculous as it sounded, she wasn't even sure. Time seemed to change for her compared to what everyone else experienced, and what felt like minutes of struggling to breathe or calm the racing of her heart, was tens of minutes for others, always stunning her by how different it all was. In her mind, she was adamant it'd only been a couple of minutes, maybe five at most, so where did the rest of her time go? What else did she do in that time?
"I don't know," she murmured, feeling lame for the answer.
"That isn't unusual," he assured her with a small, understanding smile. "It's easy to get lost in your head during states of great distress, and especially during a panic attack, when you're often faced with a fight or flight response."
Laughing sheepishly, she asked, "And when the person freezes up?"
"I suppose you could look at that as a flight response," Kakashi murmured thoughtfully and sat back, bringing his ankle to rest on his other knee. The clipboard rested on the raised leg, pen tapping a couple of times on the paper. She wondered what he was writing about her. "Depending on the circumstances, your shutting down mentally could be your brain's way of protecting you, either by calming your body or by nullifying the stereotypical flight responses, which is to run."
That kind of made sense, she supposed with a frown. Whenever she had a panic attack, it felt like her whole chest was about to explode from the constant pressure, like her heart couldn't keep up with the racing and the squeezing and was about to give in at any minute. While it was probably unlikely to happen, maybe her brain thought differently? Maybe she was so convinced she was about to die, that it evoked that response?
Rather than comment on it further, Sakura said with a shy smile, "Either way, I don't really do much to help myself. It's always someone else coming to my rescue."
"I see. Have you ever been present for a panic attack, Sasuke?"
He nodded, replying with a heavy sigh, "It takes a while for Sakura to copy any breathing techniques we try with her."
"We?" he enquired curiously.
"Whoever's there," Sasuke responded. "As far as I know, other than myself, only Itachi's been there."
Her chest gave a faint squeeze at the mentioning of his brother and Sakura swallowed once more.
Kakashi didn't ask questions on who Itachi was and she wondered if that was because Sasuke had already talked about his brother, or if was down to his knowing Obito. If the former, then what had they said? Did it mean anything that he didn't mention his involvement? Was Kakashi holding onto the knowledge for later use? Sakura resisted the urge to frown. She was definitely looking too much into it, wasn't she?
"I see." Finishing whatever he was writing with a click of the pen, Kakashi shifted in his seat and looked between them, saying, "I won't lie. This can and will become uncomfortable for all of us, but I have to say so far, I'm impressed by the maturity and devotion you're both displaying by trying something most middle aged married couples refuse to."
Hope bloomed in her chest and Sakura once more looked to Sasuke, offering him a gentle, happy smile that had his eyes warming fractionally in response.
"Admittedly, this isn't supposed to be a couple's counselling session, so, Sakura-chan, we're going to continue from our previous session. Don't hesitate to ask questions or get involved, but please remember that we need to respect what others are saying."
"Meaning?" questioned Sasuke, frowning.
"No talking over each other," she answered. "Or invalidating how the other's feeling, right?"
The therapist nodded in agreement, seemingly grateful that he didn't have to fully explain himself. "Correct. For example, you're both hearing the other side of situations you've initially processed as the fault of just one person, or you're viewing your actions through the eyes of the other and how they've interpreted them. While one of you may have had good intentions or never meant for an action or your words to come across a certain way, we all have to accept that sometimes, they just don't land the way they're supposed to."
They both nodded in understanding and Sakura was half tempted to hold Sasuke's hand once more when the older man announced the official starting of their session.
"Last week we briefly discussed your anger, Sasuke," Kakashi stated. "And how you often feel you can't control it, especially under stressful circumstances – how recently, everything has been stressful for you."
Reluctantly, Sasuke nodded and leaned against the arm of the sofa, chin finding its way to an upturned palm.
Part of her wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way as she watched him fight hard against distancing himself, but ultimately knew that doing so would no doubt make it so much harder for Sasuke to open up. He'd already confessed that having her in the room was difficult, so she wasn't about to add to that struggle.
"One of those circumstances that we discussed after deciding on Sakura-chan's attendance this session, was the one involving a friend – you stated you wanted to address this one before anything else."
Shifting uncomfortably in her seat as Ino's face flashed through her mind, Sakura swallowed hard, painfully aware of how intently she was being watched by Kakashi as she began fidgeting with the hem of her shorts. But knowing that he was watching her reactions to get a read on the situation made it impossible not to react, even though it meant sharing way too much.
Would he able to tell that Ino had assaulted her? That Sasuke had assaulted her? Was it okay to talk about it? How much had Sasuke told Kakashi? Sakura knew it wasn't everything – he'd said as much during their late night drive a couple of nights ago.
"I feel like this may be the best place for us to start," Kakashi stated, though added at their prolonged silence, "But it doesn't have to be, if you would both rather start somewhere else."
No, the sadist was right. If they got such a painful subject out of the way earlier on, then surely everything else would be easier to discuss? Or was that just her wishful thinking?
"I'm okay with it," Sakura mumbled, swallowing down the discomfort that said otherwise.
Sasuke merely nodded.
"I'll go off what I've gathered from our previous session, but feel free to jump in at any point, Sakura-chan," Kakashi murmured as he looked to his notes, turning a page. From what she glimpsed on the page he turned, she saw that his handwriting was awful and illegible, and Sakura wondered just how the hell he even classed them as notes. Was he going off memory alone? "This unnamed friend has always had feelings for you, Sasuke, and repeatedly let them be known despite the relationship between you both."
Breathing deeply to steel her nerves, Sakura tried her utmost to stop fidgeting, adding, "We always dismissed it – everyone has. It wasn't until recently that I realised it…"
Glancing up from his notes, Kakashi stated quietly, "Take your time."
Why the hell was her instinctive thought, her natural reaction to anything any of her loved ones did, to protect them? The thought of speaking out about Sasuke's actions, of labelling Ino and calling her out on how she'd straight up sexually harassed Sasuke, of acknowledging the dark side of Itachi… It always made her freeze up. It always made her want to shield them – or perhaps even herself.
Why the hell did she do that?
"I always thought it stopped at her trying to flirt with him in front of me," Sakura admitted, frowning with shame for dismissing her boyfriend's experience. "I never expected that she…"
She sighed with frustration, losing the words once more. From finding the right words to use, to finding where to even start with such a messy situation, Sakura repeatedly got stuck.
Kakashi watched her in what she presumed was understanding, leaning to one side of his chair and switching his legs. Even as she continued to struggle, however, he didn't interrupt her or try to find the words for her and he didn't look annoyed in the slightest with how long it was taking Sakura. He didn't try assuming what she was about to say, like many therapists in the movies often did. It helped her understand better why Sasuke liked the guy so much.
"I found out how far things had gotten on Sasuke-kun's birthday," she said with a sigh, going with the first part of the whole situation that stuck out to her – well, that was safe to discuss until she figured out how much Sasuke had shared. "He…" She had to look away from Sasuke entirely, eyes drawn to Kakashi's bookcase but not really taking note of what books were there. They looked professional, with long titles and several authors. "My best – ex-best friend was sending Sasuke-kun naked pictures of herself and messages about what she wanted them to do to each other."
"How did that make you feel?"
Wasn't it pretty damn obvious how it made her feel? It devastated her. It still stung to look at her boyfriend when talking about it, or merely thinking of it.
"Hurt and betrayed," Sakura confessed quietly, then looked to Sasuke with a frown, one that deepened at the furrowing of his eyebrows as he met her pain. "I know in my heart that nothing happened between you both, because I know you, Sasuke-kun, but…"
When words failed her, Kakashi spoke up, saying gently, "But your head likes to interfere."
She nodded, lips turning down at the corners.
"You said you know that nothing happened because you know Sasuke. Can you explain that?"
That was one of the harder parts she struggled to voice. But in not doing so, didn't that make her complicit? Already, she'd turned a blind eye to the harassment, always viewing it as Ino simply being Ino. The girl was a drunk and half of the time, was throwing herself at Sasuke because she knew it would give her attention not necessarily from Sasuke, but from her. Was that part of the reason why she was so open with it? Because Ino wanted her attention?
Clearing her throat as Sakura demanded herself to be stronger for her boyfriend, she looked back to Kakashi, saying, "I don't know how much Sasuke-kun has told you yet, but it's rare for him to feel comfortable with that side of relationships."
"Do you mean the physical side?"
She ducked her head at the burning of her cheeks, nodding demurely. "It wasn't until recently that we started exploring that side of things for ourselves, even after almost five years of being together."
There was no reaction to her admission like there was from most others and it helped ease some of her nerves. The last thing she wanted was for Sasuke's therapist to express his shock and disbelief at their celibacy. It was embarrassing.
"He also dislikes public displays of affection," Sakura continued and glanced to Sasuke, waiting for his nod of agreement. It wasn't entirely needed, but she felt like he should be more active in their conversation considering it involved him. "Ino would… drape herself all over him and show off parts of her body to get a reaction and…"
"And that made you uncomfortable, Sasuke."
He sighed. "I don't like the attention."
"I never put two and two together, and I failed to read his cues," Sakura admitted guiltily but forced back her tears, because she had no right to cry over it. "If the roles were reversed, then none of us would hesitate to call Sasuke-kun out for sexually harassing her, but because this is Sasuke-kun, we all just accepted it."
Placing his notes onto the arm of the chair he wasn't leaning against, Kakashi assessed them both, saying with a sigh, "It happens more often than any of us realise. Not even statistics are correct, because men either simply don't want to or feel as though they can't share those experiences with others."
Sasuke remained silent.
Frowning, Sakura averted her gaze to her hands, the guilt weighing down on her unbearably. Had their positions been reversed, then she knew Sasuke wouldn't have thought twice about protecting her from his toxic, abusive friend. The moment he realised the attention was unappreciated, or that it'd gone too far, he would have swooped in and forced the person to back off.
She hadn't been there for him.
But if she apologised for failing him in that moment, her emotions would undoubtedly get the better of her and the last thing Sakura wanted to do, was to take away from his experience or make it seem as though it was all about her. It wasn't about her.
She bit the inside of her lip as it threatened to quiver.
"Would you like to talk about it, Sasuke?"
The pause following Kakashi's question was unnervingly long and when Sakura glanced up at her boyfriend, she couldn't help but frown at the flash of concern in his eyes as he watched her silently.
"I've always hated Ino," he admitted quietly, stunning her when he swallowed at her surprise. "Ever since we all started hanging out together and she tore into you and Naruto to try and make herself seem better."
That had become such a common occurrence that none of them really paid it much mind, Sakura recalled with a horrible weight in her gut. Even back when she was just a child, she'd allowed the blonde to walk all over her, had accepted being belittled and laughed at. She and Naruto had even made a game of it, seeing who would be on the receiving end of her ire that day, or competing about the harsh things she had to say.
"I hated the way you would submit to her and let her bully you around and how you would always defend her whenever I brought it up to you."
Holy shit, was that where it came from?
"I…" Swallowing, Sakura's brows twitched as they tried to knit together. "She always said that was how siblings acted with one another."
"And I always told you Itachi would never treat me like I was inferior to him," he argued sharply, unknowingly causing her chest to constrict. "But you never listened to me because you always wanted to see the best in her, just like you do with everyone."
She nodded and there was no stopping her lip that time as it started quivering once more.
"Is that such a bad trait?" questioned Kakashi, and she shot him a semi-grateful look for his taking the spotlight off her. "Wishing to see the best in people?"
"When it leaves you blind and defenceless to how disgusting they actually are, yes," muttered Sasuke angrily in response, glaring at the older man. "Ino would always shove her around and talk down to her and when she doesn't get her own way? All hell would break loose. That was proven only recently when she attacked you for confiding in her about our relationship, Sakura."
"She assaulted you?"
"I fought back," Sakura tried to defend herself, not liking how pitiful that made her sound. "I gave as good as I got."
Shaking his head and standing abruptly with annoyance, Sasuke stormed over to the window, turning his back on her. "And yet again, everyone's forgiven Ino or overlooked her actions because she's an alcoholic and isn't in her right mind." Sending a glare over his shoulder, he demanded, "How far does she have to push before you realise that she's toxic?"
Clammy hands grabbed at her wrists and she winced as her back was slammed to the ground, though the pain was quickly forgotten about when Ino pinned her effortlessly even in her weakened state, straddling her painfully.
"You lied my ass," she snarled. Sakura grimaced when she leaned forward to close the distance between their faces, the smell of her vomit mixing with the alcohol turning her stomach. "You idolise Sasuke-kun – you have no reason to make something like that up when you only see the best in him!"
She couldn't breathe.
The weight on her was too much and Sakura whimpered when her legs were parted forcefully. Ino's face was full of cold fury and it showed in her grip on her, also, but the biting pain on her wrists only doubled when she struggled against it.
The stench of alcohol and vomit seemed to appear from nowhere, flooding her senses and twisting Sakura's stomach so sharply she genuinely believed she was about to throw up.
Too far, was the answer to Sasuke's question, though the words wouldn't form.
No amount of clenching or fidgeting could hide the shaking of her hands and Sakura despaired at how blatant they were – she noticed instantly the way Kakashi glanced downwards at them before meeting her eye.
"Would you–"
"I always felt like you chose her over me," Sasuke admitted, apparently not hearing Kakashi's attempts of changing the subject and in response, her chest squeezed like his arms were wrapped around her. And those arms only tightened unbearably as he continued in a snarl, "You cancelled on me, always sided with her, never said a word whenever she would touch me up in front of you."
"I-I never… realised…"
"Sasuke–"
"Never realised?" came his angered snarl and she barely took notice of the way his hands clenched into trembling fists, the ringing in her ears so intense it nearly stole her sight. "All those times when she'd rub against me? When she'd accidentally fall out of outfits? Turning up at my place in bikinis and embarrassing me in front of my father, who'd then have something else to tear into me for? Those texts and photographs and constantly worrying you'd find out about them, but not knowing how to tell you? Are you seriously telling me you never fucking saw the times when she pretended to fall and just so happened to grab my coc–"
A head of silver hair diverted her attention from Sasuke, tilting sideways when she met his eyes in an almost trancelike state.
"Yo," Kakashi said with a teasing smile. "Did your parents purposely call you Sakura because of your hair?"
What…?
That was… completely random and threw her off.
"Can I move your hands?" he requested once he knew he had redirected her attention. "I'd rather you didn't bleed on my lovely sofa. I'd have to get it professionally cleaned, let my superior know and there's a whole load of paperwork that'd probably involve – everything seems to require paperwork nowadays."
Looking down at herself dumbly, Sakura was horrified to find deep scratches covering her fingers and so without really thinking it over, she thrusted her hands in his direction, panting heavily.
"Wow, you've really mangled these, haven't you?" Kakashi questioned rhetorically with a low chuckle. "Do you do this often?"
Unable to answer, she risked a dizzying glance towards her boyfriend, swallowing down bile at the horror in his features as he watched them in return.
"They're not too bad on closer inspection," he alerted her, turning them gently to get a better look at individual fingers. "I'd recommend cleaning them once you're feeling more grounded, though. Wouldn't want an infection."
"Sakura…"
"Just give her a minute, Sasuke," Kakashi said more firmly.
She couldn't take much notice, for she was admittedly captivated by the way he carefully closed her less injured hand into a fist, slowly and continuously unfolding each finger like he was counting them. Oddly enough, she was counting them, repeating the same one, two, three, four, five without really realising it until she was doing it for the sixth time.
Quietly, more than likely not to disturb her intense concentration, Kakashi murmured, "They often tell you to count when you're panicking – personally, I don't find it all that helpful when the mind is so chaotic and against you. But I do find that this works better because you're focusing on your fingers more than anything. You can attempt to ground yourself by touching them, pinching them, etcetera."
Barely even nodding, she continued counting up to five repeatedly until her shaking gradually subsided and her breathing stabilised. The faint traces of ringing in her ears was more annoying than painful, and Sakura knew she would take that any day over the alternative.
"You weren't kidding when you said just about anything holds the possibility of kickstarting a panic attack," Kakashi said with a chuckle. Once he was certain she was stable enough, he pushed upwards off his knees with a grunt of exertion and walked to the cooler by the door, pouring two cups of water. "How are you doing over there, Sasuke?"
"I…"
Green eyes slid shut.
What use was she to him? Sasuke asked her to be there to help his progress, so that they could learn to better communicate with one another, but the second it got heated she reacted like… like that.
More than anything, Sakura wanted to hear about her wrongdoings in their relationship so that she could work on herself alongside Sasuke.
They were as bad as each other, perhaps her more than him.
"Here you go," said Kakashi cheerfully, handing them both a plastic cup of water each. "I'll be blunt here: do you both want to continue with this session, or that particular subject?"
Honestly? No. But carelessly walking away from such a blaringly obvious issue between them – one she hadn't even known about until that moment – wouldn't solve anything. They had to talk about what happened with Ino, both to Sasuke and…
Sakura lowered the cup, free hand covering her mouth and nose as the smell of alcohol and vomit returned, demanding to be acknowledged.
"We'll continue."
Kakashi spared Sasuke a glance before tipping his chin in her direction, telling him, "That isn't wholly your decision, Sasuke. We will only continue if Sakura-chan feels up to it."
"I'm sorry," she stuttered, unable to raise her voice any louder than a whisper as she met her boyfriend's eye. "I'm so sorry that she did that to you, but more than that, I'm sorry that I never realised the effect it was having on you. I'm sorry for being more concerned with Ino disregarding our relationship and prioritising that over what you were going through."
Why hadn't she ever considered that before? Why wasn't it until Sasuke told her about how he felt regarding Ino's harassment that she realised it was a real issue? Foolishly, unforgivably, until he made her see sense, Sakura had honestly believed that he hadn't minded the attention Ino gave him, especially when she caught him checking her out. She'd thought that because he was a guy, he didn't mind. What guy didn't enjoy that kind of attention?
Gods, she was so fucked up.
"I'm sorry," she cried suddenly, shoulders shaking.
There was so much more that she was sorry for. So much more that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him about that massive fucking mistake of telling Ino what happened between them, wanted to tell him about her assaulting her just to prove a point. More than that, she wanted to confess about her feelings for Itachi, and how they'd repeatedly crossed that line.
But she couldn't.
She couldn't find the words.
The crying worsened when Sasuke came to her side and dragged Sakura into his embrace, forehead pressing into her shoulder to hide his expression from Kakashi.
Ino had… Not only had she assaulted her, but she'd repeatedly touched Sasuke up without his consent. And that was so, so much worse than their having sex, because she'd opened Sasuke up to that. She'd repeatedly missed the signs, essentially turning a blind eye to the abuse. He'd suffered silently with it because he hadn't wanted her to lose her best friend, someone she so obviously loved dearly and considered a sister.
"I'm so, so sorry, Sasuke-kun!"
She didn't deserve him.
A soft clicking of the door alerted them both to Kakashi giving them a moment to be alone, and Sakura squeezed her eyes shut as her boyfriend pulled back. His hands were gentle while wiping away her tears, lips soon finding her forehead. The tender movement told her it was okay, that he forgave her, but she truly didn't deserve that forgiveness. Not even by the tiniest amount.
"Do you want to continue the session?"
No. "…Yeah."
It was only five minutes later when Kakashi returned, looking between them with a nod of approval like he could read in their body language that they wanted to continue – probably could, now that she was thinking about it. Wasn't that a part of the job description? Reading a person?
Returning to his chair with his clipboard, Kakashi instantly sank into what seemed to be his favoured position of slouching. "So, I've decided that I'll let the two of you choose what you want to discuss next. We can leave the topic of what happened with Ino-san aside for now, if that's what you want, Sasuke?"
Sensing his looking at her, Sakura offered Sasuke an encouraging smile, saying, "It's your choice."
"But you–"
"Need to know these things," she assured him gently and took his hand. "I won't let you down again, I promise."
"Let me down…" he muttered with a shake of his head, sighing. "You've never let me down, Sakura."
But she had. On multiple occasions.
Once again sighing, Sasuke sat further back into the sofa, eyebrow twitching in a show of discomfort – a sight that told Sakura he was willing to continue what he went through with Ino, much to her relief. After breaking down the way she had, she'd worried he wouldn't want to say another word about it.
"It wasn't always so…" Neither of them pushed the Uchiha as he attempted to speak of what happened, and they could tell he greatly appreciated that, for his shoulders sagged ever so slightly. "The touching happened after she started drinking heavily."
He had every right to feel angry and hurt. Every reason to lash out. Looking back on their relationship, Ino had always been there and overstepping boundaries. How many years had Sasuke silently endured?
Ino's excessive drinking was going on at least three years now, though admittedly, gradually grew to the stage it was at now. Originally, she hadn't been all that bad while drunk. Ino was overly friendly, believing everyone around her had good intentions and simply wanted to be her friends. But then as it progressed, her bitterness and emotional isolation from the rest of them warped her personality entirely, and she only ever saw the bad sides of people. That was where her lashing out began, uncaring of who she hurt.
Sakura took a sip of her water, the guilt in her heart doubling.
Three years of enduring. Three years of feeling as though he had to endure it, all for her sake. Three years of being powerless to stop a girl he was more than capable of putting back in her place – only, wouldn't, for he didn't want to upset Sakura. Three years' worth of anger and resentment building until finally, he snapped.
Adding the pressure of his family to that…
His anger was valid. His finally having enough was understandable.
"I made sure I was never alone with her," Sasuke continued unprompted, swallowing. His gaze was drawn to the cup in his hand, the water sloshing about quietly when he jostled it to distract himself. "I thought if I was always around you, Sakura, that she'd back off, but…"
"But it's not in Ino's nature," she finished for him, heart sinking at his nod.
Dropping his pen to his clipboard after jotting down a couple of notes, Kakashi looked to Sasuke and part of the weight on Sakura's shoulders slipped away as she realised there was absolutely no judgement in his eyes. And for all Sasuke's talk of him being a sadist, she was so incredibly grateful to see empathy flash across his expression, like he understood perfectly.
Her boyfriend was right. That guy was the best person for him to receive help from.
"We don't see ourselves falling into those types of situations," Kakashi said with a pensive expression, evaluating Sasuke's tense shoulders and the clenching of his jaw. "And if we do happen to envision it, we believe that the natural instinct we mentioned earlier, fight or flight, will kick in." Sighing, he crossed his legs. "But in most cases, it's engrained in our psyche to never raise a hand to a woman–"
"That's the most fucked up part," Sasuke muttered with a humourless chuckle, visibly frustrated. "I grew up with the exact opposite, so why didn't I stop her? Why didn't I tear into her like I would if it was anyone else?"
Again, there was zero judgement, but Sakura couldn't help but look between the two men uneasily. Even an idiot could put two and two together, and as she witnessed Kakashi's extremely brief glance in her direction during her boyfriend's distraction, one that barely even lasted a second, a chill ran down her spine and she couldn't help but recall the rules.
"What is discussed in this room will not be repeated unless I deem you to be a risk to yourself or others."
Would he report Sasuke if he told Kakashi about what happened? If so, would her reluctance hold any weight in attempting to sway his decision?
"I have the weight advantage. The height advantage. The reach. I should have defended myself or at the very least stopped her."
"But as you have said in previous sessions, you never want to hurt Sakura-chan," Kakashi countered calmly. "It was your reasoning behind not telling her about the texts and pictures – it could also apply to all other incidents. Perhaps in your mind, you believed that by showing any form of reaction to the assaults, you would be hurting Sakura-chan."
He remained silent, the setting of his jaw a clear indication of not wanting to continue that subject further.
The thought of him holding any resentment towards her was difficult to stomach, but Sakura knew that it was likely. How could Sasuke not hate her even by the tiniest amount?
Mouth parting to try and say something, Sakura frowned, suddenly losing her nerve. She looked to her knees unsurely, catching herself just as they started to bounce once more.
"Do you recall how you felt during the incidents?" questioned Kakashi while returning to his clipboard, showing not disinterest but something akin to it.
Shockingly, it helped her boyfriend return to the discussion and he muttered, "Angry."
"Can you explain that?"
His sigh was made up of complete agitation but it was with surprising gentleness that Sasuke pulled his hand free from hers, soon clenching it into a fist. The latter showed her he was getting angry, but Sakura's heart was stuck on the way he attempted to protect her from said anger by moving away, like he didn't want to trigger her anxiety again.
"I wanted to stop her," Sasuke muttered and it stunned her to hear such resentment in his tone, the darkness of it threatening to make Sakura shudder as she imagined it turning on her. "Every time she did it, I felt more suffocated than the time before. Ino knew she could get away with it – she's always been able to twist a situation, always made herself seem like the victim."
Yeah, Sakura had witnessed that many times before. Ino was good at pushing and pushing and pushing until the other person couldn't take it anymore, before proceeding to act as though she hadn't provoked them in the slightest when they finally blew up on her. Tears came shockingly easily to the blonde, and after years of manipulating her parents into feeling bad for divorcing, she'd gotten good at acting too. It was probably why she always fell for her acts of vulnerability that restarted the cycle of their on and off again friendship, Sakura thought bitterly.
"You were worried about Sakura-chan hearing the wrong version."
"Wouldn't you be?" he snapped back and she was floored by the redness of his face and neck, the humiliation in his eyes breaking her heart. "Who's going to believe that someone like me couldn't stop someone like Ino? A guy who works out every day and can lift more than his body weight, and a drunk who can barely even walk straight half the time?"
"I would," Sakura couldn't help but say, the disbelief in her tone unmistakable. "I believe you, Sasuke-kun."
Too much stacked against Ino for it to ever be the other way around, or for her to try and twist everything to make it seem like it was consensual. Sasuke's personality, the way he hated being touched unless he initiated it, the reminder of how much he loved her and wanted to protect her, the way he broke down not too long ago, his explosions of anger… Nobody suddenly turned like that without some kind of trigger.
It also… In a fucked up way that made so much sense but simultaneously turned Sakura's stomach, she understood why he tried to force himself on her now too. Ino had continuously stripped him of his control for the past three years that she knew of, in addition of his father and Madara's bullying ways. Most importantly, although certainly not excusing his actions, Sakura knew she'd been sending mixed signals during that make out session. It was just… It made sense. To her, anyways.
"How?" he demanded, though not harshly. "You've always said that you're more like sisters than friends."
Yes, she had, but that was before Ino assaulted her to prove a point. "Because Ino has–"
Thankfully, the sudden rise of bile forced Sakura to silence herself before she could say too much and she looked away abruptly, slowly counting up to ten to try and calm down. Her anxiety wasn't going to get the best of her again. Once was bad enough. She refused to let Sasuke down when he needed her most.
"Ino what?"
She couldn't look at either of them, instead waving them off as politely as possible.
"Sakura, what did Ino do–"
"Patience, Sasuke," warned Kakashi quietly as he cut him off. "Sakura-chan needs a moment."
Much to her relief, Sasuke accepted his words and fell silent, but she could still feel his concerned gaze on her. It was almost as though she could hear the questions that he was dying to ask her – had been since she returned from Obito's place the other night. She'd known from his reluctant silence that Sasuke had wanted to question her on what happened, her dishevelled, weary appearance unignorable.
And from the stunned realisation as their eyes met, Sakura knew that he caught on. Her boyfriend was extremely intelligent, after all.
She was so thankful that he didn't question her there and then, however. Instead, he looked back to Kakashi and changed the subject entirely, drawling, "So? How do I manage my anger then?"
If the older man was confused or thrown off by the sudden change in topics, he didn't utter a word. Merely sparing her a glance to ensure she was holding up, and nodding in approval upon spotting the minute pinching of each finger, Kakashi went with the flow by saying, "Well, to manage your anger, you need to find the root cause of it."
"My parents," he said without holding back.
Nodding and breathing out a heavy sigh (making her wonder how much Sasuke had previously told him, or whether he knew more than he let on because of Obito), Kakashi drawled, "Honestly? It sounds to me like you've grown up in a household where people don't manage their emotions. Therefore, you don't know how to either. You're copying what you've seen: exploding when it all becomes too much for you, or when you feel like you're not in control. In your mind, no matter how much you contest it, that's the norm."
"So what, then?" demanded Sasuke. "I just keep exploding?"
"No," he said with a smile. "We're going to try cognitive behavioural therapy."
Relief almost overwhelmed Sakura as she entered her bedroom at the Uchiha mansion – not even the sound of Sasuke shutting the door could bring her down from the sudden high.
Until that moment, until crossing the threshold and collapsing face first on her bed, she'd felt like the session was still going.
The long drive home was a blur and Sakura was fairly certain that she'd eaten on autopilot when they'd pulled into a drive-thru, however, she'd been unable to leave her head, weighed down by the draining realisation that Sasuke had caught onto what happened and was waiting for answers. At the same time, however, she knew that leaving it up to his imagination would do the situation and his anger no good.
"Sakura…"
Green eyes slid shut at the quietness of his voice, the relief fading away as tension crept into her muscles, freezing them to the bed. Maybe if she didn't look at him, he would catch on that the conversation was too much to handle.
"What did she do?"
Telling Sasuke of how Ino had assaulted her meant telling him that she told her about what he did and that was perhaps what she dreaded most. Gods, she wanted to skip over that part. It was bad enough that she was betrayed by someone she once thought of as a sister, but what made it so much worse was the knowledge that Ino had betrayed and hurt her many, many times in the past also. How could she have been so stupid as to trust someone like her with such a destructive secret?
The bed dipping forced Sakura to move to prevent tipping sideways and closer to Sasuke, her sigh of resignation while sitting up against the headboard causing her boyfriend to frown.
"I thought I could trust her," she admitted quietly, the tightness of her throat threatening to keep Sakura silent. She wouldn't let it. No, what she was about to say needed to be said. "I… told her about what happened."
There was no anger or annoyance in his expression, only acceptance and it had Sakura questioning his reaction. Was Sasuke okay with her confiding in others about the incident in the gaming room? Didn't he feel betrayed at all that she'd told Ino, of all people? Wasn't he worried about it getting out there? About what people would think about him?
Inhaling deeply to remain composed when nerves threatened to get the best of her and the sickening memory played in her mind, Sakura met Sasuke's eye, but it wasn't until a few moments later that she managed to say in a strangled voice, "She did the same."
His frown deepened, looking more like his father's scowl. "What do you mean?"
"Sh-She…" Gods, that horrific smell was back and Sakura wasn't so sure she was going to be able to keep her food down much longer. "Ino… She…"
Realisation had his features growing scarily blank and finally, the tears that were scratching at her eyes filled them. "She assaulted you."
It was like she could feel their hands on her body – not just Ino's, but Sasuke's too. They were both grabbing at her, forcing her to open up for them, to lay back and accept what was happening.
He was being so calm, so shockingly, unnervingly calm, and still, she was falling apart. Were they destined to be such a wreck together? How could they possibly work on their relationship if she was so uneasy around him? Being frightened of his anger was valid – Sasuke was terrifying when in a rage. But he wasn't even the slightest bit angry! Why was she so on edge?
"She pinned me down and… a-and touched me," Sakura confessed through her stutter. There was no escaping the weight in her chest, the one that felt like Ino was on top of her all over again, the one that felt like Sasuke was pinning her down for her. "And I just froze."
Sasuke was silent, but the pain was blaringly obvious in his expression as he watched her, the tightness of his eyes screaming how much he was hurting for her.
"W-Why do I always freeze?" she continued in a weak stammer.
Her mistake was failing to read his body language until it showed in his eyes, overshadowing the pain – no, using the pain to amplify the boiling of his blood and by the time she did notice, it was too late.
She couldn't look away from his rage. Hands balling into fists, she remained frozen against the headboard, chest aching viciously, squeezing tightly, sucking the air from her lungs.
Her fright seemed to knock his anger down a notch, thankfully and he stared at her with widening eyes, horror soon taking over the scowl.
"I did it to you." He blinked slowly like coming out of a trance, chest shaking for a brief moment. "I'm doing it to you."
He was losing it, Sakura quickly realised, but couldn't move.
"The stress. The flinching. The stammering." His hand came to his head, black eyes impossibly wide with horror. "The panic attacks. Fighting with everyone. Being too scared to even talk about how you're feeling in our session today. It's me. I did it to you. Not my family. Me."
He really was fucking losing it.
And she couldn't do anything to help.
"S-Sasuke-kun…"
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" he demanded in a harsh whisper.
Shooting to his feet, part of Sakura relaxed at the distance he created, though not fully and not for long because suddenly his arm was sweeping across the chest of drawers and she flinched when the décor (Mikoto had hoped would help settle her in by adding a homely touch) was launched across the room, a couple of the ornaments shattering into several pieces.
"What is wrong with me?"
Everything, she wanted to yell back when wild eyes met hers with an unrelenting glower.
It didn't feel safe remaining reclined in bed and Sakura showed her unease by gradually standing, swallowing at the annoyance in his stare at the obvious attempt to not add fuel to the fire. But could Sasuke really blame her for being so cautious after everything that had happened?
"Why…?" He cut himself off harshly, hands tearing through his hair with blatant frustration. "Why do I always feel so fucking angry?"
The words at the tip of her tongue were far too harsh to respond with in that moment (for calling him a victim of his environment, a victim of abuse, would surely cause that anger to grow to new heights), so she remained silent, jaw clenching, body tensed, when he looked back to her with so much self-hatred that it terrified her, because it wasn't contained. It was impossible to suppress. Instead, it leaked into the air around them, suffocating them both and confirming her suspicions from the other day.
He was more than capable of taking her down with him, even if he didn't mean to.
Once more, fear wrapped itself around her in the form of Sasuke's strong arms, restraining her and refusing Sakura the ability to move for herself, trapping her against him.
Could she really help him?
Could she really reverse the pollution?
"Fuck!" he screamed with such venom, such intensity, that his voice broke.
She'd never seen him lose it in such a way and she flinched when his fist met the once magnificent venetian mirror, shattering it with no resistance.
And all she could do was stare, too scared to move.
It wasn't until the door was swinging open that she realised she was hyperventilating, that the world began to fade around the edges like it was being sucked out of the room now that it was open. There was a burning sting on her palms similar to earlier that day, but she couldn't unclench her trembling fists. She couldn't take an ordinary breath. Couldn't look away from the bloody mess that was Sasuke's fist, the sickening shade of red soon dotting along the wooden flooring.
Had she been thinking rationally, she would have told herself that it was okay, she would have done what Kakashi suggested and counted on her fingers to ground herself. It was just a panic attack. Alas, she wasn't, and it was hard to reassure herself that everything was okay, that it would pass, when her chest continued to squeeze tighter and tighter and tighter–
"What do you think you're doing barging in here?" snarled Sasuke, hand swinging out to the side like he couldn't even feel the damage he'd caused himself, flinging his blood onto the wall and her bedding.
She stumbled back a step at the staining of her bed, crashing into her nightstand though thankfully, she did not fall. Not like the photograph that plummeted to the ground, the glass of the frame breaking as easily as the mirror had.
Wide, tearful eyes dragged downwards, glancing at the photograph of her and Sasuke smiling in the snow through a blurred vision.
Lost.
He was lost.
Pollution was reversible.
The sudden bang had her looking up fearfully, unable to control her choked sob at the sight of Sasuke's face pressing harshly against the wall, his arm restrained painfully behind his back with seemingly little issue.
"Calm down," muttered Itachi and she wondered what expression he was wearing, because his voice was anything but composed. In fact, it worsened her hyperventilating because he was supposed to be the gentle one. "Look at what you're doing to Sakura."
"Get the fuck off me you–" His shout of pain had her shaking. "Fucking bastard!"
"Get a hold of yourself," he responded seriously.
The coldness in his voice had her stepping away from the nightstand, edging around the room, but she stopped abruptly when Sasuke's gaze zeroed in on her, the deranged anger causing her to suck in a sharp breath, hand coming to her chest, all but clawing at her shirt in response to the utter terror and fuck, she couldn't breathe–
"What a shame," continued Itachi in that same detached tone, like he thought nothing of restraining his thrashing, fuming brother. "It appears you lied when you said you wanted to be nothing like our father."
"Don't compare me to that–"
"Why shouldn't I when Sakura currently looks as frightened as our mother usually does?"
Their words were slowly fading away, drowned out by the intense ringing in her ears that damn near brought her to her knees.
"Let me go," she only just heard Sasuke order.
"Not in this state. I won't let you hurt her–"
She doubled over, wheezing pitifully, unable to control the sobbing that took over.
"You–"
She was straightening up again and taking a wary step back when a hand entered her peripheral, trying to steady her.
But in her mind, it wasn't a gentle, reassuring touch. It was aggressive. It was meant to harm her.
Apparently, her panic attack was finally good for something. It granted her with the courage to snap her knee upwards to his most delicate, entirely unguarded area and while the air viciously left his lungs and he collapsed to his knees, Sakura darted for the door, momentarily struggling to escape from the other brother as they remained motionless at the door, stunned by the sudden violence.
Home.
She needed to go home.
No, she needed to go further than home. She needed to escape. To get out of that fucked up family before they destroyed her even more.
Sakura wasn't sure how she reached the front door. She couldn't feel the biting sting of the gravel digging into her bare feet as she darted down the driveway, legs already aching but carrying her heroically in response to her desperation to flee.
Run.
Run.
Don't stop running!
Intensely bright lights were all she could see when she burst out of the driveway, followed by a sudden blast of a horn, though she made no move to shield her eyes from the harsh lights even as they blinded her, the shocking relief that flooded her as it registered in her mind that it was a car flying down the road towards her, offering her a reprieve, stealing all rational thought.
Green eyes widened a fraction and with a final burst of energy, she dashed forward, throwing herself in front of it.
A/N - Just wanted to say a quick thank you to Shikabootay for reading through the therapy session for me!
Also, thank you to everyone who has been reviewing the story. I've been doing my best to reply to everyone but until the app sorts itself out on my phone, I rely completely on getting onto my laptop to be able to do so, which I can't always do.
WARNING: LOOOOOOOOONG A/N HAHA
The counting on fingers thing has actually been so useful in our house recently. Did any of you know a 2 year old can have panic attacks? No, me neither and when I tell you I was not prepared for that... Bloody hell. I nearly joined him! We've been managing it a bit better lately though and he's picked up on using his fingers as a comfort of sorts. He can't count, but closing his fist and sticking fingers out one by one seems to have a soothing effect on him. If it's really bad, then we'll use mine or my partner's hands to count on and say the numbers out loud.
I know a few of you have been asking about my son and I just wanted to let you know, despite the panic attacks and everything else, he's been doing amazing. He's even slowly starting to respond to his name! Eye contact is a bit iffy, but we're getting there and his keyworker and one-to-one assistant at nursery is always saying how he brightens everyone's day at nursery.
They've bought him (literally all of it with him in mind) all this sensory stuff like a dark den and lights and texture things, although he's still not good with other kids. One girl keeps trying to be his friend and brings him the texture boards when he's stressing bless her!
Oh! And he also had two assessments recently. One with a specialist teacher who spent a day with him and set a few targets and will be reviewing him again in a few months, and another with a specialist development team who played with him for like an hour while asking me some questions to get a better understanding of where he's at - another review in a few months. At the minute it's mostly referrals and waiting lists, but it's something!
Omg and before I forget! He had his first haircut and did so, so well! We couldn't use the trimmers because the noise was setting him off, but again the counting fingers and having it be his uncle who was cutting his hair made it so much easier. My baby looks so grown up!
Again, thank you everyone who's been reviewing and thank you to those of you who asked about my son. It's so hard, but we're getting there 3