"Star let's go! We've been here for hours." Irritated, Marco groans as annoyed I glance at Marco tired.
"No! We're not leaving until the old donuts get thrown out." Stubbornly, Star dictates.
"And they have numerous diseases, bugs and disgusting things all over them…." Irritated, I feel my brow furrow as I cross my arms. Chirpily, Pete comes out the door whistling, taking out the trash.
"Evening, Marco. Ash," Cheerfully, Pete greets us.
"Evening, Pete." Tiredly, Marco and I chorus greeting him only then for our eyes to widen when as Pete dumps the donuts down into the bin, where out of nowhere like some volcano eruption, some crazy purple pigtailed lady comes out, popping out of the garbage bin with the garbage bag and falls out, the donuts coming out of the bag.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!" Hastily, she tries to recover the discarded donuts making me frown at the whack job.
"Star? Some lady just got your donuts." Marco tells her.
"Are you sure you should have told her?" Concerned, my eyes narrow as Star pops out of her bin, spotting the whack job.
"We can leave." Simply, Marco shrugs.
"Or we'll have to see two looneys' fight each other." Warily, I point out.
"And you're not up for that?" Surprised, he raises a brow.
"Maybe but you not so much…" I point out.
"What?" Star gasps.
"Mina... You're Mina Loveberry!" In awe, Star walks over to Mina.
"Ya caught me! Are you a cop?" The weirdo responds hands up in surrender.
"That's Mina Loveberry." Giddily, Star glances at me and Marco.
"That's someone who should be in a straitjacket," I mutter grimly.
"Aww you like her! I mean hey you think she'll want to play that game you mentioned when we first met?" Excited, Star asks.
"Maybe," Smirking, I exclaim.
"Yeah no. I have no idea who that is." Bluntly, Marco deadpans.
"Marco! Ash! She's the greatest warrior to ever live." Dreamily, Star tells us.
"Another mewman nutjob great," Grumbling, I huff under my breath.
"Uh, her?" Unsure, Marco and I glance at each other.
"I lost my bag! Has anyone seen my bag? Has anyone seen my bag?" She questions us.
"That's a lady who's lost her marbles. Honest," Marco agrees with me.
"Thank you!" Exasperated, I sigh.
"No, she's Mina Loveberry." Giddily, Star smiles.
"Star the people you tend to look up to are either dead or crazies," Warily, I point out trying to get her to see the issue in her role models.
"Hello!" Mina greets us as I step back, my brow furrowed as the purple weirdo stands up, her blues meeting my wary yellow as I squeak back when her hands grasp hold of my cheeks, looking on the verge of tears creeping me out.
"Y-You're…" She begins, her voice breaking as I grimace at her harsh grip on my arms only then to gasp as out of nowhere, an eerie green ray shoots out from Star making me stumble back, tripping backwards hitting Marco's chest as he quickly catches me and steadies me.
"Getting away from you!" Quickly, Marco pulls me back making me release a shaky breath as I look up at Marco nodding my head grateful as he and I glare at the freak, Star oblivious to the whack jobs staring at me freakily.
"Mewni's greatest protector. At least I think that's her." Star tells us.
"Well why don't you see for yourself?" Marco suggests.
"I don't know about that Marco two coo coo heads don't mix well," Unsure, I furrow my brow not sure what to make of the freak.
"No, no, no, no, no. Marco, Marco, no!" Panicked, Star screams as Marco ignores me pushes Star over to Mina.
"Hello, Mina." Nervously, Star smiles raising her hand in greeting to the creep.
"Hello!" She squeaks almost like a bird.
"What are you doing on Earth?" Curious, Star questions her.
"I'm on vacation! Doctor's orders!" She answers.
"Wh-wh-wh-what are you gonna do on your vacation?" Shyly, Star asks her.
"I will let the soul be my guide and wander off to the depths of this unseen planet." Dramatically, she declares.
"Wow!" Amazed, Star gushes.
"That's what you say when you've lost your marbles." Marco tells her.
"I can already see the asylum on standby for her," Blandly, I mutter.
"Okay Marco, just... There is actually a really great park across the street." Star offers only making me frown for those innocent people having to deal with these two looneys' today.
"Fantastic! The perfect place to view humanity at its most docile. I will leave in two seconds." Resolute, she declares standing up and begins walks away backwards.
"Boy, what a weirdo. Star?" Frowning, Marco calls out to her.
"Like I said this was a bad idea." Tiredly, I bow my head dreading what is to come from the freak.
"Oh no…." Marco's browns dilate in horror when noting the fleeting figure of Star like a devoted follower following in the crazy lady's shadow into the park.
"Wait. Wait, Mina. Wait. Teach me your ways, O great warrior." Pleadingly, she begs as she falls to her knees bowing before Mina as we rush after her.
"Hmm. Yeah. Okay." Casually, Mina agrees.
"Really? O great Mina, you will not be disappointed." Dramatically, Star declares promising her.
"But ain't nothin' for free. You're gonna have to do something for me." Frowning, Mina tells her.
"Anything." Star promises.
"Get this bag off my head!" Surprised, I blink when suddenly a familiar coal black bag is on her head as together the two try to pry the bag off her head, Star tugging at it from behind as we watch on….
"Ooh, ow. A, E, I, O, U! Ahh. Ow." Pained, Mina grimaces from the harsh pains as I furrow my brow. Should we help? Marco questions me his brow furrowed not sure what to say.
"Honestly maybe keeping the bag on will help. Struggling only makes it worse," Darkly, I whisper making Marco flinch disturbed by my words as sighing, we follow after them into the park…
"Welcome to the Echo Creek Mud Pits. Here, we will answer all your questions about mud!" Proudly, the tour guide for the mud. I don't. I don't even know how this is a tour.
"Finally," Disturbed, Marco and I glance at one another when hearing the intense response from one of the tour members.
"Today I go where Mina goes. Look at us; we're already basically best friends. Inseparable." Lowly, Star whispers as Marco and I bored lean over the bench looking down to find Mina with Star on her back, going down into the mud pit. Mina's peach skin is soon covered in dirt, alongside her long purple hair tied into knee-length pigtails with large buns at each base, and green eyes. Like Star, she also has bangs that overlap her eyes.
"Lesson number first. In becoming a great warrior, one must cleanse their mind from thinking thought…" Mina begins her lesson.
"So... just don't think?" Star gathers.
"Don't think." Sternly, Mina reaffirms.
"Oh, it feels so good." Giddily, Star smiles as she follows Mina's movement, placing the mud on top of her cheek marks.
"We are mud sisters." Seriously, Mina dictates booping Star's nose with mud almost christening her even as Star giggles excitedly.
"Wait a second. Where's my camera, where's my telescope, where's my sketch pad? What the heck is that?" Frowning, Mina points at the fake mammoth.
"Observe the woolly mammoth who may or may not have walked through these mud pits 19 million years ago. We're not really sure." The guide informs us as Marco and I watch on.
"Ride, my great beast. Ride to the cloud city of Cloudlandia!" Mina climbs on top of the mammoth.
"Get down, ya weirdo!" Annoyed, Marco calls out to her as I sigh shaking my head at the whack job.
"We should get the authorities," I reason to Marco.
"Come on, big boy. Let's get to movin'." Mina pats the mammoth beneath her but to not avail, not having caught on that it's a display.
"Uh ma'am, you leave that mammoth alone." Awkwardly, the ranger, the only form of authority calls out.
"I command ye to move." Mina commands the mammoth pushing it but to no avail as I stare at Star watching on, not picking up the slightest vibe of Mina being crazy.
"That's it. I'm comin' in to get you ma'am. Sorry, you can't be doin' that. Whoa, goin' down." Sternly, the ranger declares, only to falter hands up as the mud begins to consume him alongside the sinking mammoth.
"Aah, what a cruel twist of fate." Mina declares.
"Star, she's clearly lost it." Pleadingly Marco tells her.
"I am the conqueror of the beast. No autographs!" Confidently, Mina announces as the mammoth sinks while she perched herself on top of it.
"Star she thinks the mammoth is real!" I call out to her.
"Lesson number one guys. Just stop thinkin'." Mysteriously, Star tells us making us frown.
"Now class, meaning you, our next lesson is of utmost importance to the survival of a warrior. We're gonna learn how to make some weapons…" Frowning, we watch on as Star and Mina perch themselves on a swing set.
"The higher I go, the closer I get to reaching the stars!" Happily, the child beams.
"Be resourceful with finding material." Mina informs her as to my shock, she rips the chain, making the child scream as he is tossed off the swing only then for me to dive forward, catching the crying child as I freeze not sure what to do. Helpless I glance at Marco rushing over as the mother, I assume approaches, thanking me grateful glaring at Mina before turning her back to us to return to the bench.
"See? Now I have a sturdy chain to chain stuff with. Easy breezy taco peasy. Go make your own warrior weapon." Mina instructs her. Tiredly, Marco and I follow after the woman whose child was thrown watching the fools.
"Which ones are yours?" Curious, she questions us making our eyes widen but then sigh, Star is sort of like a child between us I mean we both deal with her, have to care for her, we even ahd to feed her at one point. Oh, dear god where has my life gone?
"Those two Sighing," Marco points towards a screaming Mina.
"Oh, bless your souls." Pitifully, she tells us both as we silently nod watching on as the chaos unfurls.
"Come on Star, anything can be a weapon. Oh, my goodness. Look at this string. How lucky could I be? Oh, and what is this? A pinecone? Everything's comin' up Star." Smiling, Star comes back with a shoelace and pinecone coming over to me.
"Ash!" Star approaches me.
"Yeah Star," Tiredly, I lean forward deciding to amuse her.
"Do you still have that marker?" Star requests.
"Always have and will here." Smoothly, I take out my marker.
"Thank you! This is my weapon, isn't he adorable?! I'm calling him Davey. Mina will love him thank you!" Cheerfully, Star smiles at me and skips off as I sigh watching on with Marco.
"Let go of my bat, you naughty lady!" Feebly, the child tries to fight back against Mina who grabs it and sticks out tongue.
"Mina, did you finish building your weapon yet?" Star questions her.
"I have created the most deadly of maces." Proudly, Mina dictates showing off the bat.
"Awesome! You know, I'm actually pretty proud of mine too." Shyly, Star smiles.
"Uh, kazza kazza wha?" Confused, Mina gawks at the supposed weapon.
"It is a pinecone tied to a string, and then, I put some flowers on it and drew a face. I call him Davey." Giggling, Star beams.
"Fantastic! Ho!" Mina cheers.
"You know, when they turn 18, they're the government's problem." Lowly, the mother informs us having joined us in watching the kids making my eyes widen, my hand gently placing itself on my chest at her remark, hunched over at the comment, that hit too close to home.
"Lesson number tres. You gotta gather intel. Shh, someone may be listening. Learn from your new surroundings…" Mina informs Star who has a notepad in her hand and a familiar marker pen having requested it once more from me.
"Learn from new surroundings." Intently, Star whispers writing it down as they sit in line for some hot dogs.
"Oh sorry. I didn't know it was a wig. Who is your ruler on this planet?" Curious, Mina questions the elderly lady.
"Not from around here, are we?" Softly, the old woman laughs smiling politely at the frowning Mina.
"She's a foreigner." Star tells her.
"Oh, how exotic. This is the United States of America. We don't have any rulers here. We're free." Amazed, the old woman explains.
But how makes the rules?" Confused, Mina furrows her brow.
"We make our own rules through the radical process of voting!" The vendor declares proudly as he serves his customers.
"Just trying to wrap my head around this. You mean you vote if you can do something or not?" Horrified, Mina screeches at the news.
"That's right little lady." The cowboy in line confirms.
"So, I can do this?" Surprised, she stands on two people's backs.
"Sure." The woman confirms.
"And this too?" Mina frowns.
"You betcha." Brightly, Star smiles.
"Is this legal?" Fascinated, Mina sets the hot dog cart on fire.
"Actually, that's arson." Nervously, the vendor corrects as Mina declares freedom, the crowd roaring agreeing with her.
"No chains or limitations. I'm freedom!" Proudly, Mina declares as stunned, Marco and I stare still trying to comprehend what is happening before us.
"We have learned there are no rules on this planet. It's an anything goes fight to the death." Darkly, Mina declares.
"Star you got to talk her out of this!" Urgently, I hiss at Star confusing her.
"Star, wait. You've gotta stop this." Marco agrees with him, pleading for her to stop.
"Stop what? What am I doing?" Perplexed, Star questions lost.
"You guys ruined the entire park today." Annoyed, Marco tells her.
"We may have to pay for this or worse!" Panicked, I hiss at Star.
"Ash Marco, Mina was my idol growing up. Imagine if you randomly met your idol one day and didn't follow them around." Pained, Star confesses to us.
"That's where the saying don't meet your heroes comes from Star. Fame fades and it can destroy people leaving them to be empty shells or well…become Mina." Patiently, I try to explain to Star bowing her head from my earnest words.
"Ash is right. Your idol is bananas." Marco mutters to her.
"Look, thanks for trying to look out for me, but I'm gonna go train with my hero!" Politely, Star rejects our offer making me groan.
"Fine. Ash and I are just gonna enjoy the park by ourselves. Come on Ash!" Fed up, Marco turns her back to Star.
"You going to buy me an ice cream?" I ask.
"Sure why not," Tiredly, he sighs making me fist bump the air as we head off…or try to.
"Sir, mam we're gonna have to ask you two a couple of questions." The police approach us on some sort of scooter, wearing a helmet with a siren on it making me sigh bowing my head. We fill the authorities in on the whack job a feeble pathetic naïve part of me pleading for them to bring in the straitjacket for the weirdo.
"So a gonzo donut collector came out of a dumpster…" Warily, the office furrows his brow at us.
"Uh huh." Bored, Marco nods.
"To teach your friend, another gonzo donut collector in a dumpster…" The officer frowns.
"Yep." I confirm tiredly bowing my head up and down.
"And together, they destroyed a family park?" The officer probs.
"Yeah. If I was trying to cover my butt, I'd say the exact same thing." The officer's sidekick snickers making Marco and I groan.
"What would we gain from causing needless destruction?" Tiredly, I question the police officers making them go quiet from my valid point.
"Kneel before me, minions. I am the greatest warrior that this world has ever known!" Loudly Mina's voice proclaims ringing out as the police stare at us in shock before the Police turn on their sirens.
"Let's ride." Determined, the two leave us as we sigh bowing our head, knowing what we have to do, we follow after the police officers heading to the hill…I just hope Star's okay.
"Mina, I can't take over the Earth." Hurt, Mina calls out.
"Ah, of course you can. You're a warrior now. Now let's start by rounding up the rest of these folks, and pushin' 'em off this here ledge." Confidently, Mina assures her.
"Mina, I care about Earth; I don't wanna conquer it." Pleadingly, Star tells her.
"I thought you cared about being a warrior!" Angrily, Mina floats into sky; her body becomes larger and more muscular, and her voice deepens.
"I guess I thought being a warrior was something different." Disappointed, Star bows her head.
"Uh, excuse me miss. Don't we get a vote in this?" One of the men about to be killed by Mina calls out with the crowd roaring in agreement.
"What are you, a bunch of comedians? We ain't votin' on this. I'm your ruler now." Demonically, Mina's voice tells them.
"Mm, all those in favour of the crazy lady being our new ruler, raise your hands. One, two... six. Okay. All those opposed. One, two... five, six. Looks like we have ourselves a draw. Hey, did anybody not vote?" The man counts all of the votes.
"Me. I didn't vote." Sadly, Star sighs.
"Come on. You got mud on your face; we're a team. We can rule this land together, mud sister." Smiling, Mina offers her brightly beaming only to falter from Star's tearful expression.
"No. You're bananas, Mina. Like the bad kind." Sternly, Star stands up for herself, wiping the dirt off her cheeks.
"Hey, freedom wins again." The man smiles as the crowd cheers.
"I thought you were a warrior, but you're just a little girl living on a stupid freedom planet. You don't even deserve this!" Bitter, Mina growls as she takes Star's weapon.
"Davey!" Concerned, Star reaches out to the weapon but its futile.
"Ha! I wouldn't dare rule over this loony bin!" Mina crawls into a dumpster.
"Attention citizens. We are looking for…" Frowning, we follow the police officers up the hill unamused.
"She's in there." Tired, Star sighs pointing to the dumpster.
"Uh, there's nothing inside." The sidekick frowns.
"Magic does exist. I repeat, magic does exist." Scared, the police officer reports.
"You were right, Ash, Marco. Mina was a lady with no marbles." Crestfallen, Star sighs head down making me sigh at my friend, placing my hand on her head making her look up to see my small sad smile.
"You wanna go check behind the French bakery for some day-old baguettes?" Marco offers.
"Of course, I do." Sweetly, Star smiles as we head off, going to get some day old bread, unaware of a certain purple haired warrior, holding Davey booping its nose proclaiming Davey to be a mud sister as Mina bows her head, a small deranged smile on her lips proclaiming…
"I knew she didn't die….I knew you'd come back someday."