To Have & to Hold Forever
This story is a sequel to "Sickness & Health, Good Times & Bad", along with other stories in the "Together Forever" Series. You don't have to read those stories first, but this story will make more sense if you do.
Brian and Justin are established partners raising five children together.
I don't own the original QAF characters just the situations I create. No copyright infringement intended.
Chapter 31
Their lunch orders arrived and all four of them concentrated on their food. Everyone recognized that this meeting was not going well.
Molly thought about the differences in her grandmothers. All Jennifer's stories about growing up demonstrated the close relationship her parents shared. Granny was always portrayed as, at least, an equal partner in the marriage. It was obvious to Molly that MeMaw had never been an equal partner in her marriage. This realization helped Molly understand why Craig always wanted to be in charge, that was the way he was raised.
Justin was thinking about the futility of this meeting. It appeared to him that his grandfather was not prepared to accept Brian and his position in Justin's life. It annoyed Justin that both his father and grandfather thought of him as a weak person who was dominated by Brian. Justin did not consider himself weak and felt strongly that he and Brian had an equal partnership. A partnership based on mutual love and respect.
Janet was trying her hardest not to cry. She and Ken had discussed this meeting and the importance of understanding Justin's position and accepting what their grandson had to say. She always knew in her heart that Craig had been wrong about Justin. She was just so used to allowing herself to be dominated by Ken. The role of the subservient helpmate had been really comfortable for her but all it had accomplished was to isolate herself from her granddhildren.
Ken thought about how right Craig had been. Somehow this Kinney guy had Justin completely under his thumb. He exercised total control over Justin's life and for some reason Justin couldn't see or couldn't accept how much Kinney controlled him.
Justin finally broke the silence.
"MeMaw, I understand you wanting to be part of Lily and Liam's lives. However, when look at Ken and hear what he has to say, all I can see and hear is Craig telling me I was no longer his son and I had to leave my home if I wasn't willing to live a lie.
They are both so convinced they are correct, and the rest of the world is wrong that they feel no need to really listen to what other people have to say. Brian taught me about gay sex and how to live my life as a gay man. He has never dominated me or made me do anything I didn't want to do. He has always loved and encouraged me even when I was too stupid to see that and left him for another lover. He is the most important person in my life, and I am the most important person in his life.
We are surrounded by a loving family and accepting and loving friends."
Ken's annoyance was clear.
"You chose to abandon your real family and embrace a make believe "love" family."
Molly was about to speak up, but Justin laughed.
"My real family abandoned me. Your son disowned me, there were witnesses to that fact! You and your wife cut me completely out of your lives. Now that I have produced great grandchildren you willing to accept me as a part of your family.
Honestly I can't think of anything I would find more distasteful."
Justin stood up and Molly quickly followed. He took out his wallet and placed a hundred-dollar bill on the table.
"I believe that will cover lunch. Have a nice life."
Janet started to cry, and Ken looked furious.
Justin put his arm around his sister's waist.
"Well sister dear that was truly a fucking waste of time."
Molly chuckled.
"It certainly was. I do feel bad for MeMaw but as the expression goes; she made her bed and now has to lie in it. Thanks for agreeing to meet them. I feel like we gave them a fair chance to explain their behavior."
Justin shrugged.
"Talking with Ken had a real DeJa'Vu feel to it. It was like talking to Craig the last few times we met. They both want things their way."
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Debbie was somewhat surprised when Meanie called from her office to check on JR. Debbie told her that JR was at the playground with Joe. She said how much JR liked being pushed on the swings and that Joe was willing to push her for a long time. JR looked forward to the playground trips with "Joey" which was her personal name for Joe.
"Debbie, we entrust you with caring for JR. I do not think it is appropriate for you to send her off with a street kid that we hardly know. I can't believe you would do that without getting permission."
An outraged Debbie just stared at the phone for a moment.
"How dare you! Just who do you think you are talking to. I am well aware that you are not exactly Princess Di. Joe is a very nice boy who has had a fucking tough road in life. He is not some drug addict hustler I picked up on a street corner.
He is very kind to JR and she loves when Joe takes her to the school playground. I realize you are a lesbian, but this mistrust of men is getting out of hand. First you decide that you don't like Brian's nephews and now Joe is not up to your standards. You even started treating Gus differently which we all noticed. Thank god Brian and Sunshine got him away from you before you did permanent damage.
You bitch about not getting any support and then you want fucking total control over everything. Well you are NOT controlling me. Don't dare you threaten me with cutting off my access to JR. I know too much about your fucked up home life. First Lindsay doesn't even dress JR or brush her hair and now she is Suzy fucking homemaker. I can't pretend that is normal behavior but maybe you can. That makes life easier for you. Straighten out your own household before you try and criticize mine."
Debbie slammed the phone down. Just then JR and Joe came through the front door both laughing. JR ran over to her grandmother for a hug and got busy telling her about all the fun she had at the playground.
Joe went out to the kitchen and returned with a juice box for JR. He smiled at Debbie.
"Little Miss said she was thirsty on the walk home."
JR had a huge smile on her face as Joe stuck the straw in the box and handed it to her.
"Thanks Joey!"
"You're welcome Little Miss."
Debbie chuckled.
"Joe is a pretty nice guy isn't he Sweetheart."
JR nodded her head as she took a big drink of her juice.
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Brian spent time with Lily and Liam while Justin and Molly were gone. Granny recognized Brian's concern. She smiled at him holding Liam and Lily on his lap while watching Gus and his cousins enjoy the pool. She reached over and put a hand on Brian's arm.
"You know that Justin can take care of himself. He doesn't always need you to protect him."
Brian looked over at Granny. He didn't really understand why he trusted her, but he did.
"The thing is I need to protect him. If I close my eyes I can see him lying on that garage floor bleeding. No matter what anyone says I should have protected him better. I won't ever let that happen again."
Granny squeezed his arm.
"I'm sure on a logical level you know that Justin's bashing was not your fault. I understand that on an emotional level you will never accept that fact. I adore you for taking such good care of my darling boy."
Before Brian could reply, Justin and Molly came out the doors from the family room. Justin walked directly to Brian and bent to give him a kiss. He smiled at the twins, content on their Daddy's lap.
"Well that was a colossal waste of time. Craig learned homophobia and control at his father's knee. Seeing MeMaw giving in to his behavior make me think about what Mom could have become if she wasn't a stronger person. Thank god that didn't happen. Poor MeMaw, Ken really doesn't give a shit about her feelings at all."
A wet Gus came running over to welcome Papa home. Brian looked into Justin's face and could see his partner was fine, so he was finally able to relax. He looked over at Granny who winked at him.
Lily and Liam decided now was the perfect to fuss which let everyone know they were hungry. Aunt Molly chuckled and announced she would go warm some bottle. Gus sang a little song for his brother and sister. Papa, Daddy and Granny were, as usual, amazed by the babies wide eyed focus on their big brother.
Brian smiled at Gus.
"Sonny Boy, Princess and Sunbeam sure love their big brother. You are all going to have so much fun together."
Gus's smile went ear to ear as he told Lily and Liam how much he loved them. Molly appeared with the warm bottles. Justin grabbed his daughter and took a seat. Molly handed Brian the other bottle and he got Liam in feeding position. Gus returned to the pool.
Molly gave Granny a kiss before announcing she was going to change and get in some pool time before heading home.
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Blake was attending a 2 day seminar in Chicago so Ted had taken a couple days off from Kinnetik. Nina was delighted to spend time with her Teddy Man and to have his undivided attention. She was slightly disappointed that Teddy Man wouldn't let her do everything she wanted, and he insisted she eat healthy food.
Ted was sitting on his front steps chatting with one of his neighbors, Sybil, while her son Jimmy and Nina created art with sidewalk chalk. Ted appreciated that Sybil was chatty and that meant that Ted had only to occasionally add anything to their conversations. He was smiling while Sybil was telling a story about a dinner disaster when she and her husband were first married.
Sybil suddenly sighed and muttered "Get ready, the bitch is heading this way."
Ted glanced in the direction Sybil faced and saw a woman who lived across the street walking toward them. Ted had never spoken to her but both he and Blake noticed her sitting on her porch and observing the neighborhood. Both men had waved and smiled but go no response. Blake referred to her as the "neighborhood watcher".
Sybil said hello and introduced Ted to Kathie Palmer; Ted said it was nice to meet her. Sybil rolled her eyes safely out of Kathie's view.
Kathie glanced at the sidewalk art.
"Hopefully, the children understand that graffiti does not really enhance the look of a neighborhood."
Ted was shocked by the comment.
"I don't really consider some chalk drawing that will be washed away by rain to be in the same category as graffiti. Nina and Jimmy are enjoying themselves and I don't think they are causing any permanent damage to our neighborhood."
Kathie shrugged.
"I have been wondering how you and your friend acquired this child. It seemed to have happened rather quickly. I suppose I am hopelessly naïve. I don't have any idea how anyone goes about buying a child."
Sybil actually gasped. Ted glanced quickly to make sure Nina and Jimmy were occupied by their artwork.
"Not that it is any of your business, but we certainly did NOT buy Nina."
Kathie feigned surprise.
"Well, I couldn't help noticing that the child suddenly appeared. No one that I asked seemed to know how you acquired her. I did hear that your friend tried to get her mother off drugs but wasn't successful. It just seems odd to me that the woman died from a drug overdose and you wound up with her child.
I did ask my friend, Bev, who is a social worker if there was any official investigation of the child's custody. She couldn't find anything."
Sybil started to look uncomfortable. She hadn't ever really thought about how Ted and Blake got custody of Nina. She had heard Nina talk about her Nana and also her Auntie Em, who Sybil did know was actually a man.
Ted was shocked.
"I'm sure your friend behaved unethically and perhaps illegally by giving you that information. I will be consulting my attorney about it. Nina's Mother unfortunately was a drug addict for several years. She did not have legal custody of her daughter when she died.
Not that it is any of your business, but Nina's grandmother had legal custody of her almost since her birth. They have virtually no family and her grandmother has some serious health issues. She asked us to assume custody of Nina and we agreed.
It was all very legal, and no money changed hands. You have never even spoken to Blake or me and in fact didn't even return a friendly wave. I don't feel we have anything to say to each other and you don't seem like anyone I would be interested in having any relationship with."
Sybil regretted doubting Ted and Blake. She turned to Kathie.
"I think it would be a good idea for you to go home. Maybe you can find someone interested in vicious gossip, but I am not that someone!"
Kathie shrugged again and went back across the street. Nina came over to Ted.
"Teddy Man. Jimmy and I are thirsty. Can we please have some juice boxes."
Ted leaned over to give Nina a hug.
"Sure thing Honey. I'll go get them."
He asked Sybil to keep an eye on the kids and went into the house. Once inside he took a moment to calm himself. He was well aware that homophobia existed but when it still shocked him when it was so openly expressed.
He put a few pretzels in cups for Jimmy and Nina to much on with their juice. While the children enjoyed a little snack, Sybil smiled at Ted.
"You shouldn't let Kathie get to you. She involves herself in all kind of situations that are none of her business. She likes to say she is just concerned but she is a busy body and a gossip. She called the city on my neighbors when they replaced their porch floor because they didn't have a permit. Turns out they didn't need one because it was really just a repair of a rotted floor.
The husband went over and really told Kathie off. She said she was just being a good citizen and there was no harm done."
Ted nodded.
"I don't really think a permit issue compares to being accused of human trafficking. I intend to look into who gave her information from social services. Blake and I did NOT buy Nina."
Sybil felt like Ted was aware of her momentary doubt and didn't know what to say. Once the juice boxes were finished Sybil said she had grocery shopping to do, so she and Jimmy had to go. Ted told Nina he had a couple phone calls to make and she could watch a video while he finished his calls.
Ted called Anabel Harper, he had spoken to her several times on behalf of Brian and Justin. He wanted her to review the custody papers for Nina. He wanted to be sure there was nothing that would cause a problem in the future.
He told Anabel what Kathie had said about her friend check records. Anabel asked if Bev's last name had been mentioned but Ted said Kathie didn't mention a last name. Anabel told him that she had some contacts in social services and she would see if she could find out anything.
Anabel urged Ted not to worry. She felt sure that the custody papers Mel prepared would be fine. If there was anything that was needed Ted assured her that Viola would agree to anything to insure he and Blake kept custody of Nina.
Ted tried his best to put all worries out of his mind. He didn't want to take a chance of upsetting Nina. He walked back into the living room to find Nina asleep on the couch, the video still playing on the TV. He covered her with a fleece throw before going out to the kitchen to see which meal Blake prepared would be their dinner tonight.
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The Taylor Kinney household spent most of the afternoon and early evening outside. It was a beautiful, sunny day with very ow humidity. Soon the heat and humidity of a Pittsburgh summer would be upon them.
After Molly left for home, Brian and John spent some time kicking around a soccer ball. Peter floated on a pool lounger and read. Gus and Granny shared a lounge on the patio. Gus read to Granny until he fell asleep. Justin offered to move the sleeping Gus and got a firm "Absolutely Not!" from Granny.
Every day Granny spent here she became more certain that this was where she belonged. She had one call from Kate asking her to intercede with Brian and not have her attorney disbarred. Granny refused and she had not heard from her eldest daughter again.
Justin lay on the cushion with the babies and laughed at the cute faces they made. When Lily and Liam fell asleep Justin covered them. He went over and sat near Granny and the napping Gus. He grabbed his sketch pad and chatted quietly with Granny while he sketched.
Brian had barbeque duty. John and Peter made a salad while Justin and Granny fed the twins. Gus was the assistant chef and listened carefully as his Daddy explained the finer points of grilling food.
Brian had hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken drumstick and corn on the cob on the grill. Justin set the table on the patio. Once the meat and corn were ready John and Peter brough out the salad and couple pitchers of iced tea. After dinner there was Alice's homemade lemon meringue pie for dessert.
John and Peter with help from Gus took care of cleanup. Granny retired to the pool house after getting a good night hug and kiss from Gus. Brian just shook his head as Gus told Granny he loved her.
As the evening cooled Liam and Lily were taken inside by their Daddy & Papa. Once the twins were settled into their bassinet. Brian and Gus went downstairs for some train time before his bath and bedtime. John and Peter played video games in the media room. Justin stayed in the family room and texted with Daphne. She was anxious to hear about the getaway weekend at the loft. When Justin told her about the Taylor grandparents just showing up and the lunch with Molly and him, Daphne was outraged. She called Justin on his cell so she could rave about their behavior. Texting just wasn't enough to register her level of outrage.
After giving the babies their late bottles and clean diapers, Brian and Justin rocked them to sleep. John had volunteered for overnight duty with Justin since Brian was going to Kinnetik the next day. Brian said he wasn't planning on going into the city until after morning rush hour so he could handle overnight bottles with Justin.
Lily and Liam slept for a solid 6 hours so Daddy & Papa had an easy night. The next morning when Gus paid a visit to the Master bedroom Daddy and Papa were still in bed. Papa wasn't even a sleepyhead this morning. He and Daddy were sitting up in bed and talking when Gus knocked and was told to come in. Gus was happy to climb into bed and settle between his fathers.
Brian eventually got out of bed to get showered and dressed. Gus and Papa went downstairs to have breakfast. Justin was carrying the baby monitor. Alice was on duty. Since this was a class & soccer practice day John and Peter were sitting at the table having breakfast.
Both Justin and Gus got big smiles on their faces wen they saw the waffle iron on the counter. Alice chuckled as she poured batter onto the hot iron. She told Gus and Justin to take a seat at the kitchen table. She brought over juice for both of them and coffee for Justin.
By the time Brian came downstairs, dressed for the office, John and Peter had gone up to their rooms to get ready for the day.
Justin and Gus were enjoying their waffles. Brian kept his distance from possible sticky hands. Alice put his coffee mug and sugar bowl on the breakfast bar. She got his glass of guava juice and put his wheat toast on a small plate when the toaster popped.
Gus was amazed that Daddy could resist a waffle.
"Daddy, are you really not going to have one of Alice's yummy waffles?"
"I am going to stick with my usual breakfast Sonny Boy."
Justin smiled at the look of wonder on Gus's face.
"Gus, that just means more for waffles for us."
Gus giggled and added a little more syrup on his waffle.
When he finished his breakfast, Brian stood up. Justin got up and headed his way.
"Justin are your hands clean? I don't want any syrup on my suit."
Justin smiled and held up his hands.
"No syrup Daddy. I promise."
Brian smirked at him but did lean down to kiss his partner.
Justin gently stroked Brian's cheek,
"Don't work too hard. We will miss you. Hurry home to us."
Brian couldn't help smiling at his Sunshine. He leaned down to give him another kiss. Gus called over for his Daddy to have a good day at work.
Just as Brian went out the garage door, Lily could be heard on the monitor announcing she was awake. Justin noticed that Lily was normally the more vocal twin. He tuned to Gus.
"Let's go get your brother and sister clean diapers and bring them down here for breakfast."
Gus had a big smile on his face.
"Yeah Papa, let's go get Liam and Lily. I'm ready to help you today since Daddy is working."
Justin gave Gus a hug.
"Thanks Gus. I'm sure we will still find time for some pool time."
Brian walked into the Kinnetik lobby a little before 10 AM. He spotted a smiling Michael on duty at the receptionist desk and walked over.
"Hey Mikey. How are things going."
"I'm sure things will be better now that you are back in the office."
Brian smirked.
"Just parttime. I already miss the twins."
Michael's smile dimmed.
"I thought you would be happy to be away from crying babies."
"Mikey, Liam and Lily don't cry that much. They are fascinated by Gus. It's really neat how they quiet down as soon as Gus talks to them or sings. It is great to watch him interact with his siblings."
Michael was frowning now.
"Well JR certainly misses her big brother."
Brian refused to get dragged into that conversation.
"Well that's a shame. Too bad the munchers couldn't have treated Gus better and not forced Justin and I to take primary custody. I need to get up to my office."
Carole gave Brian a big smile when he approached her desk.
"Hi Boss. Good to see you. Can I get you a coffee?"
Brian nodded.
"Good to be seen. Coffee would be great. Thanks."
Brian went into his office. On his desk he found a list of the sales executives and the time they were expected. Brian felt that the sales execs had been taking advantage of his absence and slacking off. He had Cynthia set up this meeting schedule.
The first exec he was meeting had been having a pretty good year. He was looking confident when Cynthia escorted him into the office. Cynthia's reports to Brian on Dean's performance had not been positive. He had been given a couple leads which resulted in the majority of his sales totals.
Dean smiled and had his answers ready as he went through his sale pipeline. Brian asked some pointed questions about any sales Dean had generated on his own. Dean became a little less cocky. He decided the best defense was an offense.
"You know Brian you have tied my hands a little with some of my prospects. I've talked to several guys who are in the Rotary Club with Frank Harkins. They are reluctant to do business with us.
I know one of your nephews had some kind on run-in with Harkin's kid but quite a few people feel business should stay separated from personal stuff. I think you might have made a mistake canceling our contract with Harkin's Tires. It created some hard feelings among people who know him."
Cynthia glanced at Brian. Most people would have been fooled by his no emotion face, but she could see that little blood vessel above his eye trembling ever so slightly. She knew her boss was furious. She texted Patti in HR to ask her to figure out the amount for Dean's final check.
Joe Harkins hitting Peter was bad enough, but the Harkins family went past the point of no return. First Frank was rude to Justin and them Mrs Harkins came to the house with her son who threatened Justin. That meant Brian would never do business with Harkin's Tires.
Dean started to look nervous while Brian silently regarded him.
"Dean I certainly don't want my decision to affect your ability to sign new customers. I understand how frustrating that must be for you. I'm glad you let me know.
I want to assure you that Kinnetik will never do business with Frank Harkins. His son was expelled for being a bully and I feel certain the son learned that behavior at his father's knee. I detest bullies.
Now that I know the reason why you have not generated much business on your own, I am going to help you. I am going to give you the opportunity to work for a company where there are no barriers to your sale expertise. You're fired."
Dean's mouth dropped open.
"You can't be serious."
"I am serious. Anyone who uses the excuse they won't do business with Kinnetik because of personal decisions I made, I don't really want to have as a customer.
I also have no interest in having an employee who wants to tell me how to run my life. Goodbye and good luck."
Cynthia stood up.
"Dean, if you come with me to HR we can pick up your final check."
Dean was too stunned to even say anything. Cynthia thought he was getting what he deserved for coasting by signing easy business and not working hard enough to get business on his own.
Word spread fast and as Brian expected all the other sales executives had all their contact information updated and business plans ready to show how they were going to meet and exceed their sale quotas. Brian was pleased with the meetings and Cynthia was amused.
Brian enjoyed being back in the office and was happy to be able to check on things firsthand. However he was surprised to realize how much he missed his children. He made up his mind that one day soon he would bring Gus with him to the office. Brian was sure his Sonny Boy would enjoy spending the day at Kinnetik.
Brian smiled when he got a text message from Justin with a photo of Gus laying on the patio cushion with Liam and Lily. All three of them enjoying a nap.
Brian was glad to oversee things in person after being out of the office. He met with Greg in the art department and was reassured that everything was under control there. He hated to agree with his partner's idea of "things just working out" but it was certainly true that meeting Greg thru Patrick & Kevin's friendship with the nephews was a huge bonus for Kinnetik.
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While Brian was enjoying his day at Kinnetik, Joan Kinney was attending an AA meeting. Her attendance has been sporadic, but she had not touched vodka since her return home from rehab.
Her second day at home started with Tillie at the door with a coffee cake. Joan was reluctant to allow her into the house, but Tillie talked her into having a cup of coffee and a piece of cake with her.
Both women were somewhat surprised that they had a pleasant conversation. The result was the two women attending early Mass together the next day. Joan agreed to go out for breakfast with a group of women after Mass. After that first time, Mass & breakfast become a twice weekly event.
Tillie also got Joan to accompany her on her once-a-week volunteer day at the parish food bank. That too had become a regular event and Joan started to make a financial contribution. She realized she had ignored need in her own neighborhood and found she got a lot of satisfaction from helping other people.
Joan asked Tillie to promise not to communicate anything about her to Jennifer, Brian or Justin. Tillie agreed. She could see that Joan was afraid to face a final rejection from her son. Joan did resume contact with her sister, and they spoke at least once a week on the phone.
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Brian headed for home at 3 PM, he wanted to avoid rush hour traffic. He felt really pleased with his first day back to work. Mikey was still on duty and was disappointed when all he got was a wave as Brian walked thru the lobby to the garage.
The drive home in his Corvette just added to Brian's good mood. He had not had an opportunity to drive the car much since the twins were born.
Brian walked through the door from the garage and saw Gus and Justin sitting in the family room feeding Lily and Liam. He couldn't keep the smile off his face.
He greeted Alice before walking into the family room area.
He was greeted by smiles from his Sonny Boy and his Sunshine. Brian bestowed kisses on the four humans he loved best in the world. He could hardly believe how happy he felt.
Justin looked up at his partner.
"Welcome home. We all missed you today. Hope you had a good day at Kinnetik."
Gus chimed in.
"I helped Papa today with the babies but, I missed you a lot Daddy."
"Well Sonny Boy I missed seeing all of you. It was a good day at the office. Maybe one of these days you can go with me to keep me company."
Gus was very excited by that suggestion.
"That would be awesome Daddy. As long as Papa can get along without either of us."
Justin smiled.
"Little Man I have other people to help with your brother and sister. I think it will be a good thing for you to go to work with Daddy."
Gus was pleased by that answer.
Brian saw that Liam was done half his bottle and reached down to pick him up to burp him. Justin stopped him.
"Brian! You still have your good suit on. Alice can burp Liam."
Brian laughed.
"Good save Sunshine! I guess I am out of practice being dressed up. Thank god I started back to work before I started wearing clothes from the Gap."
Justin just rolled his eyes and Brian laughed all the way upstairs.
Alice looked over at Justin.
"You should have let Liam spit up on his Daddy's suit. It would have served him right."
Justin chuckled as Alice settle Liam back on Gus's lap. Gus wasn't sure what was funny and figured it was one of those things he would understand when he was older. He was just glad Daddy was home and everyone was happy.
Brian's good mood continued through the rest of the evening. He had everyone laughing at dinner. After dinner he took Gus on a walk down to the pond. At dusk bats started to circle the pond to eat any insects that were attracted to the water. Gus was fascinated to watching them. Brian explained that a lot of people were afraid of bats, but they did a lot of good.
Since the next day was a camp day Gus had his bath and was in bed right on time. After Justin read Gus a story he went into his bedroom where Brian was waiting in bed naked. Justin locked the door and dropped clothes as he walked to the bed.
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Debbie was just ending her shift at the diner on Monday afternoon. She liked to get home in time to make dinner for Carl & Joe. She was surprised to see Joan Kinney come through the doors. Joan looked around and nodded when she spotted Debbie.
Debbie waked over to her.
"Joan this is a surprise."
"Hi Debbie. I was hoping you had a few moments to talk to me. If you're busy I can come back at a better time."
Debbie indicated an empty booth.
"I'm done for today. Have a seat. Would you like some coffee or something to eat?"
"Coffee would be great. Black is fine. Thank you"
Joan sat in the booth. Debbie grabbed a pot of coffee, a couple cups and a few lemon bars. She went back to the booth and filled both cups before sitting down opposite Joan.
Joan took a sip of coffee before saying anything.
"I know you and Jennifer Taylor are friends. I'm not sure if she told you that I recently went through rehab for my alcoholism.
Debbie shook her head.
"No Jen never said anything to me. I doubt she would, unless you asked her to tell me."
Joan smiled.
"Yes, I'm sure that is true. I haven't treated you very nicely over the years or spoken well of you. I wanted to apologize for my behavior.
I also wanted to thank you for providing comfort and protection to Brian over the years when I failed in my duty to comfort and protect my son."
"Good for you Joan. I understand you are working the steps, I think it is great that you decided to enter rehab. Better late than never.
I don't mean that to sound mean. It takes courage to face your demons."
Joan took a bite of a lemon bar and a sip of coffee.
"In my case it became a matter of life or death. I have quite a bit of liver damage. If I continue to drink, I will die. At some points in my life, I wished to die, now when it is a real possibility, I find the prospect less attractive.
These lemon bars are delicious."
Debbie chuckled.
"They are a favorite of your grandson Gus. I always give him some to take home when he eats here."
"He is really more your grandson than mine. He looks so like Brian did at that age…"
Debbie took Joan's hand.
"I'm sure that is bittersweet for you. Have you talked to Brian?"
"No. I did talk to Claire. That was a painful conversation. She told her son John, John told Jennifer who visited me in rehab. She took a letter to Brian and he wrote back. He has no interest in repairing our relationship. I don't blame him."
Debbie nodded.
"Why did John involve Jen?"
"He trusts her. He loves her. She is his Grandmom Jen, they have a strong relationship. Claire's sons are part of her family now."
Debbie smiled.
"John and Peter are good boys. I've spent some time with them. They are really happy living with Brian and Sunshine. Peter actually calls Sunshine Papa now. I think he really missed a father figure in his life."
Joan was confused.
"I thought Sunshine was Brian's name for Justin?"
"I originated the name when Justin came to live with me after his father threw him our for being gay. That's how I met Jen. She was confused and unhappy about her son's relationship with Brian."
"She is so accepting of their relationship now, I'm very surprised."
Debbie chuckled.
"Live and learn Joan. Jen has come a long way. She loves her son very much."
Joan couldn't stop the tears running down her cheeks.
"I envy her. At John's birthday party when she spoke about her children, I realized I never felt that same devotion to Claire and Brian. I'm not sure if there is something missing in me or am I just a product of my life experience.
Peter actually told me that he felt that now that he and John were living with Brian and Justin that they had the opportunity to break our family cycle of screwed up lives. Jennifer is a part of that loving relationship. I could be in that position if only I had lived my life differently."
Debbie looked directly at Joan.
"It might not be too late for you. Your grandsons are good boys, I'm sure they care about you on some level."
Joan shook her head.
"I'm not sure if I can change or even if I do, I'm not sure I should be forgiven."
"Joan, everyone who is truly sorry for what they have done or how they have lived deserves to be forgiven."
Joan shrugged.
"Thank you for talking to me and for being so nice."
Debbie wasn't sure what to say as Joan quickly stood up and left the diner.