A/N: So, about that fire that I mentioned… First part of this is pretty smutty.
Enjoy.
"You good?" Amanda said with a low voice as she slid inside the booth and handed Olivia one of the two beers she was holding in her hands.
"Mhm, thanks."
The blonde eyed the captain for a couple of seconds before she moved her eyes in the direction of the bar.
"Phoebe and Fin look happy." Olivia said with a smile on her face. "Really happy."
"Newlyweds."
"And Elliot looks better."
"He does."
It was one of their first attempts at creating some sense of normalcy after everything that had happened. Having a small get together, to celebrate the fairly ruined wedding, and getting Olivia out of the house.
Except for a few meetings, a couple of therapy sessions and necessary errands, Olivia hadn't left her apartment since what happened with Richard Wheatley almost five weeks ago.
Amanda sometimes wondered if the captain would ever be captain again.
The brunette hadn't given any objections when the chief had ordered her to take a leave of absence, and she never mentioned going back. When Amanda had asked her about it, she had gotten a simple, albeit a little mysterious, "we'll see" as a response.
So she didn't push it.
Because other than her obvious reluctance to leave her home, and the uncertainty of going back to work, Olivia seemed good. Really good, actually.
She didn't drink much, she slept seemingly without nightmares, she ate and had surprised Amanda (and the kids) several times with her newfound love of cooking.
And speaking of surprises, the brunette was currently running her hand higher and higher on Amanda's thigh.
Another change the blonde had noticed.
They were having sex again, a lot of it.
Not that she wanted to complain, because she certainly didn't mind being surprised in the morning, in the shower, up against the kitchen counter...
But it did make her wonder if Olivia was truly working through her most recent trauma, or if sex was just another way for her to try and forget or distract.
For tonight though, the blonde felt herself giving in to the sensation of Olivia's hand on her, instead of her own worries.
"You're kinda turning me on, Liv..." She whispered against her ear, all though she didn't have to, the rest of the party was still standing by the bar.
"That's the plan." Olivia smiled without turning to look at her.
"Are you gonna do something about it or do I have to suffer until we get home?"
"You decide."
Amanda was just about to say something when Fin, Phoebe and Elliot came back to join them. To her surprise, Olivia didn't remove her hand under the table. Instead, she moved it even higher and tightened her grip, making Amanda bite down on her lip in response.
"So, when's your turn?" Elliot said looking from one woman to the other.
"Our turn?"
"Yeah, to get married."
Through the years, Amanda had learned to recognize every single one of Olivia's many different laughs and the emotions they represented. This was nervousness.
"Uh, I don't-"
"I'm just giving you a hard time, Liv. But for the record, I think I should be the ring bearer." He said jokingly.
"You could be the flower girl, uh, boy." Fin chimed in.
"Aw, you would look so cute walking down the aisle with your little flowers." Phoebe laughed.
"Ok, while you plan our wedding, I'm gonna go pee." Olivia said, her laugh a little more relaxed now. "Move out for me, hon?"
"I'll go with."
"What is it with women and always going to the bathroom together?" Fin asked as he eyed the two women moving out of the booth.
"It's just a thing, babe." Phoebe said.
"Oh, so you gotta go too?"
His wife watched as Olivia and Amanda walked with hurried steps towards the restrooms and snickered. "Nah, think I'll wait."
The door wasn't even closed before Olivia had Amanda's mouth on her and she heard herself groan as her back hit the wall a few seconds later.
"So you decided to put yourself out of your misery, huh?"
"Are you kidding me? Your hand on my thigh and the mental image of Elliot as our flower girl? I'm practically coming already."
Olivia laughed against her lips and this time there was nothing nervous about it.
"But mostly I just wanted to kiss you." The blonde said before doing just that.
Olivia felt herself melt into the other woman, completely lost to the sensation of her tongue in her mouth. It didn't take long before Amanda's hands found their way under her black shirt where she gently dragged her short nails over Olivia's skin, causing goosebumps to appear down her arms.
"Take me home, Liv."
"You sure you can wait that long?" Olivia asked, only half joking.
"I... I don't know."
This really wasn't like them.
"Then don't." The brunette breathed out before moving them backwards, stumbling a few steps until they found themselves inside one of the stalls.
"Fuck..." Amanda whimpered as a hand moved down and inside her jeans. She gripped Olivia's wrist and held on tightly while arching her back.
"So wet." Olivia mumbled against her open mouth.
"That's... oh shit... what you get for... fuck... practically fucking me under... ugh... the table."
Three minutes later they walked out of the restroom like nothing had happened. Amanda's slightly flushed cheeks the only evidence of the fact that Olivia had just made her come in record time.
"You good?" Fin asked with a worried look on his face and Amanda could feel her cheeks getting even warmer when she saw how Phoebe tried to stifle a laugh next to him.
No, this really wasn't like them, at all.
"Mhm." Amanda said. "Never been better."
"But I'm afraid we have to call it a night. Noah's got a dance recital tomorrow morning and I don't want to be one of those hungover moms."
On their way out of the bar five minutes later, Amanda turned to look at the brunette. "You didn't tell me about Noah's recital."
"That's because there isn't one."
"Wh- Oh, you just wanted to get me home, that it?"
All she got was a crooked eyebrow and the hint of a smirk in response.
Olivia's hands whitened as she clung to the top of the headboard in front of her. She gritted her teeth while lowering herself on Amanda's lap.
"You ok? Does it hurt?"
"Just a little. It's ok."
She took a few deep breaths and willed herself to relax her muscles before lifting herself up and then moving down again. This time it didn't hurt as much.
"Shit..."
"Good?"
"Mmhm." Olivia hummed as she closed her eyes and started to roll her hips against the woman beneath her.
It didn't hurt at all anymore.
Olivia's impulse purchase right before their visit to Rome was usually reserved for the times when they didn't have to worry about kids waking up, or when they had time to take it slow. Tonight was an exception.
There had been a few of those exceptions lately.
It didn't take long before they both found a rhythm that drove them closer and closer to the edge.
She gasped when Amanda's tongue came out to circle around one of her nipples and she smiled through a moan when she got that delicious combination of tongue and teeth.
Her entire body was trembling now and it only heightened the sensation between her legs and in her lower belly.
When she was seconds away from her climax, she leaned down and captured Amanda's lips in a fierce kiss that quickly turned sloppy. "Coming, I'm... fuck... coming."
The blonde tightened her grip on Olivia's hips and pushed her own up just a little, giving the captain that little extra oomph she knew always prolonged and intensified her orgasms.
Three minutes later, Olivia found herself on her back, still out of breath, in the middle of the bed, watching Amanda move from the bed to the bathroom.
"Bring me a glass of water?"
"Hey, can I ask you something?" The blonde detective said a few minutes later as she handed Olivia the glass and climbed into bed with her.
"Mhm."
"Please, don't take this the wrong way, but..."
"But what?" Olivia asked a little suspiciously before bringing the glass to her lips.
"We're having a lot of sex. And I'm loving it, obviously, but I just-"
"Amanda, just say it." She emptied the glass and sat it down on her bedside table.
"Say what?"
"It's ok. You're worried I'm using sex to avoid dealing with everything?"
"No, well... yes. A little."
"I get it. I probably would've been worried too, if it was the other way around. I mean, a goddamn restroom? It's kinda disgusting."
"So you didn't really want to?" Amanda suddenly got a hurt expression on her face, searching her brain for any signs she should've picked up on earlier in the night.
"No, I wanted to. That's the thing. I want to. All the time. I could go months without sex, and now I can barely get through one day."
"Are you worried about it?"
"I don't know. I'm seeing Dr. Hill on Monday. I'll talk to her about it. Dreading it, but I'll do it."
Amanda pulled the covers up and around them and wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist.
"Hey, it's not like you're fucking random people at every corner."
"Thanks?"
"You're welcome." Amanda grinned. "Dr. Rollins at your service."
"Good to see you again, Olivia."
She never quite knew how to respond when Dr. Hill said that.
Yes, it's a good thing I can never get enough peace in my life to quit therapy.
She opted for a smile as she sat down in the chair that somehow felt bigger than last time.
"I'm just gonna jump into this before I chicken out." She folded her hands to keep from fidgeting and looked down at them.
Forgive me father for I have sinned?
"Go ahead."
"Amanda's worried I'm using sex to avoid dealing with the trauma."
"And you're not?"
"I don't know."
"So you acknowledge that's something has changed after what happened?"
"Oh, definitely." Olivia said as she crossed her legs. "It's not like we didn't have sex before, we had plenty. But with the job, with three kids, it wasn't necessarily always a top priority."
"And now?"
The brunette bit her lip and she wondered for a second if she was starting to take on Amanda's habits.
"I can't really explain it. It feels a little complicated."
"Try. We've got time."
We better. You're kinda expensive.
"It's like... I've been trying to breathe under water for so long. Being captain, working SVU for decades, I never really knew how much it affected me. How... heavy it made me feel. I didn't see how it affected my mood, how I choose to parent Noah, my relationship with alcohol, and my relationship with... people."
"People?"
"Exes. Intimate relationships."
"You've felt limited?"
"Kind of."
"I'm gonna go ahead and assume that investigating sex crimes all day doesn't necessarily make intimacy any easier?"
"It didn't affect me at first, but over the years, I guess it kinda crept its way between me and the people I've been with."
"And now that you're not working, you don't have to breathe under water anymore?"
"Correct."
"And you feel less limited and dragged down by the job?"
"I guess. But it's not just about the job and having time off. It's..."
"What?"
"I was so close."
"To losing your life." Dr. Hill said it so matter of factly it almost sounded mundane, but the sympathetic look on her face made up for it.
"Mhm."
"And now you want to live?"
"More than ever."
"Sounds like a good thing?"
"Yeah, but if it's such a good thing, why does it feel like I'm doing something unhealthy?"
"Is that what if feels like? With Amanda?"
"I don't know. Maybe a little. A little out of control?"
"Do you feel like you're forcing her? Or that she's forcing you?"
The ache in her chest was immediate. Just the thought of forcing Amanda in any way made her sick to her stomach. It also reminded her of their horrible fight the night before the wedding.
"God, no. No."
"Well, it sounds like you're having a normal reaction to a very traumatic experience. All though, that doesn't mean it feels normal, and that can be pretty scary, right?"
"A little scary, yes."
"So when Amanda brought it up, was that uncomfortable for you?"
"No, actually. I think we've been spending so much time together lately that it's like I know when something's on her mind."
"Sounds like things are going well between you?"
"Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk about today." Olivia uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed by her nerves.
"Yes?"
"I've decided to ask Amanda to marry me."
A/N: Squeal! A proposal!
But is she dealing with what happened? Stay tuned.