Chapter 31: Hide & Seek

The morning was bright & clear though the Winter sun offered little warmth. The Village plaza had been scrapped clean of snow, leaving an island of stone surrounded by a sea of white. In the centre Neil's Animals and Rod's pets remained open, exposed to the cold temperature and challenging weather. They never failed to open, except when it rained or snowed. Only the livestock and pets adaptable to the chilly climate remained on display: sheeps, alpacas, huskies & great pyrenees.

Despite my boyfriend's slogan of 'Don't quibble, just buy' I wasn't here as a customer. No, I was here to deliver the large metal flask of honey tea I held gripped firmly between my gloved hands. The perfect present to drive off the chill and I knew he had a liking for the beverage despite its sweetness. Excitement and anticipation was building in my stomach, I was struggling to keep a large grin off my face. I rarely just visited Neil at work and I hoped that he would be happy to see me. I felt myself light up as I spotted Neil at his stall, the large grin broke free as I quickly walked over to him. The rest of the world melted away as I focused entirely on Neil, he was all I could see. I chuckled to myself, he stood behind the wooden stall with his arms crossed and his expression bored. "Hi Honey." I said as I placed the flask on the counter-top. "How's your day going? I brought you some tea."

Neil's eyes widened, he unfolded his arms and straightened rigidly. He scowled, subtly looking around. His frame relaxed slightly as he realised that the plaza was practically deserted. I frowned, contemplating his reaction. After a few moments I let it go, it wasn't unusual for Neil to be edgy. Not the greeting I had wanted but I ignored it, not wanting to push such a small issue. "I thought you could use something to warm you up." I explained. I smiled mischievously. "That and this…"

I walked around the stall, Neil watching me apprehensively. At his side I reached up, onto the balls of my feet, and delicately kissed his cheek. Neil recoiled, flinching away. I took a step back, confused. My mouth turned down as I watched Neil's eyes dart quickly around the plaza, he turned his head to scan the whole perimeter and to check the nearby restaurant. I blinked, my expression going blank. "What're you doing?" I asked, completely bemused. Not liking the distance between us I stepped closer and leaned into his side, I took his hand and entwined it with my own.

Neil looked down at me, his cheeks flushed. He snatched his hand out of mine and gently pushed me back. "No, what're you doing?" He whispered harshly. I felt my face fall, dejectedly I walked back around to the front of the stall. I grimaced, feeling upset and hurt. It all made sense, I thought bitterly. Neil was embarrassed, he didn't want anyone to see me with him. Not as his girlfriend and certainly not whilst showing any kind of public display of affection.

Deflated, I didn't have the energy to start a fight. Neil was being as harsh and cold as the Winter season. If it wasn't immediately obvious to him how atrocious his behaviour was I wasn't going to tell him. I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and shook my head slightly at Neil, I sighed and turned away. I paused at the edge of the plaza when I heard laughter and a familiar pair of voices. Looking back I saw Rod and Iroha coming out of the restaurant. They were talking animatedly, heads bent towards each other and their arms linked together. Before Rod reached his stall he stopped to hug Iroha tightly and kiss her head. A choking sound escaped my throat, I couldn't watch anymore.

The further I walked away the more I wanted for Neil to stop me but he never did.

I'd started to read the same page a dozen times. The words weren't sinking in, over and over I'd caught myself in a daze and begun again. I sighed in frustration, slamming the book shut and dropping it onto the coffee table. Neil's behaviour played on my mind, leaving me with next to no peace and little room for my attention to focus on anything else. I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice Neil coming in, I started when I felt a heavy weight plop down onto the sofa next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. I shivered, his skin was icy. "It's freezing out there." Neil said, pulling his legs up. "What film are we watching tonight? It's your turn, right?"

Neil looked down at me when I didn't answer, he frowned when he saw my expression. I blinked slowly and stayed perfectly still, completely flabbergasted. I narrowed my eyes. "I haven't forgotten what happened earlier." I said haughtily. "I don't appreciate you acting like nothing did."

Neil's frown deepened as he took in my tone of voice. His eyes tightened and his mouth drew down at the corners. "Oh, that. That's exactly what my day consisted of until you decided to make a scene. Forgetting about it, I thought I'd be doing you a favor."

Blood boiling I felt myself flush with anger, the audacity. My nostrils flared and I shoved Neil roughly off me. "How dare you." I spat. " Doing me a favour, you couldn't have made it more obvious that you were embarrassed of me."

Niel sat on the edge of the sofa, his back rigidly straight. His knuckles were clenched on top of his thighs and his mouth was set in a tight line. "I don't want to be seen." He hissed. "Not doing that, in public, with you."

I scoffed and stood up. I leaned over Neil with my arms crossed. I raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Doing what?" I demanded. "Hugging, kissing, holding hands. I'm your girlfriend Neil, that's what couples do."

Neil stood up too, now he leaned over me but I glared up at him. His nose and cheeks were tinted red but from anger or embarrassment I couldn't tell. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his combat trousers and scowled. "Surprise, surprise. I'm not your typical boyfriend material." His hard eyes focused on me. "I thought you knew that when you said yes. What I do, we do, is private."

There was a finality in his voice that made me shiver. I laughed without humour. My eyes blurred with angry tears and I pointed an accusative finger at his chest. "Hardly but that's one of the reasons why I love you." I flashed my promise ring at Neil. "You agreed to be mine. I want to share that with the people I care about here but you made me feel like I was a dirty secret you didn't want to be caught with."

"It's our business, nobody else's" He scowled. "I don't want other people to see me like that, the way that I am with you."

I smiled sadly, he didn't understand. I could see his perspective, Neil didn't want people to see that side of him. The side that was kind and sweet, it clashed with his reserved reputation. The problem was that he was failing to see from mine. "I was so excited to give you that flask this morning, to make your day brighter." I explained quietly. "I was happy at the chance to make you happy. It hurts me that you don't want to show other people what I mean to you, I thought you wouldn't care about what other people thought."

Neil's face crumpled, he let out a shaky breath. He took my hand tightly, bringing it up to his face to kiss the inside of my palm. The tender touch left me feeling warm, it made it harder to stay angry at him. "I don't." He said looking at me earnestly. "I don't trust people enough not to take people I work with, the line of business I'm in. They're cruel, they'll take any opening they see. If I show I'm not really that cold I won't be taken as seriously."

At his words my mind flashed back to the man who had tried to make Neil take back the sickly cow he thought he'd sold him, when in reality the man had treated the cow badly. I hadn't considered it before, Neil had to be tough. To protect those he cared about rather than himself. My resentment melted away, leaving guilt. "I'm sorry." I said. "I shouldn't have disturbed you at work. I just really wanted to see you."

Neil pulled me into his embrace and kissed my forehead. "I'm stoked that you're my girlfriend but I don't want anyone to see how cute you are."

I laughed, happy again as I felt that we'd set things right. We weren't the kind of couple that showed affection by being joint at the hip, that suited me just fine. I knew Neil loved me, he didn't need to make any grand gestures. What people thought, what people saw or didn't. He was mine and I was his, no external validation necessary. "Yes, Honey." I teased.

Neil groaned. "No more funny names."

I laughed again, the sound bouncing around the room. I leaned back in Neil's arms, becoming serious. I looked down and pulled at the front of his shirt. "I won't disturb you anymore at work, scouts honour. But I want to take walks and hold your hand, I want to be able to pull you close and stay by your side. To hug you. Is that too much to ask?"

Neil ran strands of my hair through his fingers. "It might be but I'll try."

I realised that I wanted that, longed for that. To be with him like this all the time, inside as well as out. I wouldn't push him. Neil only felt at home away from prying eyes, I wouldn't force him into the limelight. If being alone made him comfortable then I was willing to keep our relationship discreet. The fact that he was willing to try, to test his boundaries, was good enough for me. "Thank you." I whispered as I buried my face into his chest.