The Tree of Life

by LadyClassical

Hiei's life is turned upside down when a faulty condom leaves him pregnant with Kurama's baby. But the changes a pregnancy brings are only the tip of the iceberg; as old family secrets, the rest of the gang's behavior, and a tragic disaster none of them saw coming all threaten the expecting couple's world, Hiei finds that his little one may be the only thing he can hold onto. Mpreg

31. Childbirth Class

These days, Kurama often came home to Hiei lounging around wearing nothing at all but loose underwear, which didn't leave anything to the imagination, but he said his skin was hot and itchy, and that clothes were uncomfortable during pregnancy, and the only reason he didn't go around completely au natural was because he didn't want to accidentally stain the couch or bed during a nap.

This didn't bother Kurama in the slightest, of course. Hiei was much more enjoyable to look at when he wasn't wearing any clothes. And usually he was completely open to Kurama touching him in the private areas that were left exposed.

On Thursday, Kurama was supposed to be cooking dinner after work (since his plant shop wasn't completely set up yet, he was still at his stepdad's company), but he had gotten waylaid by the incredibly sexy Hiei lying almost-naked across the couch. Now Hiei was in between Kurama's legs while Kurama fondled the pregnant demon's sensitive breasts. There was nothing like making Hiei shudder with anticipation just by swiping his thumb gently across one of those perky nipples, or hearing his quiet groans when he massaged them, as his eyes closed and his head leaned back against Kurama's chest. Kurama kept his fingers on one of Hiei's breasts, but reached down to fondle his barely-concealed, rock-hard dick with the other. The fox-demon grinned in satisfaction when he heard his husband let out a loud moan of pleasure.

Unfortunately, that was when Kurama's communication mirror, abandoned on the coffee table, started to ring.

"Should I get that?" he whispered to Hiei.

Hiei shook his head. "It can wait."

Apparently it could, until after Kurama was done having his way with Hiei. When they were finished with that, they had to take a shower. Kurama went in with Hiei, since things just went quicker if Hiei had assistance, and Kurama liked it better this way, anyway. Hiei could wash his own arms, chest, hair, and face okay, but anything belly or below was basically impossible for him, since he either couldn't see, couldn't reach, or both. There was no denying that a third-trimester belly was just so hinderingly large on such a small body. Kurama didn't know how Hiei handled it, but he wanted to help in any way he could.

Even though he could wash his chest area okay, Hiei seemed to prefer if Kurama did it. So he did, soaping them up and rubbing it in, making sure to clean the nipples extra well, of course. He washed the belly next, letting Hiei sit down on the shower seat so his feet wouldn't hurt, gently massaging the soap in just right so that Hiei's entire body relaxed. Then he spread Hiei's legs apart and very intricately soaped up his dick, eliciting several more helpless moans. Then he soaped up Hiei's legs and feet (impossible for Hiei to do himself at this point), until Hiei was completely covered in soap. Then Kurama helped him stand up, rinsed him off with the shower water, and once they were out, dried him off and helped him into some clean underwear.

Once Kurama was back on the couch, and Hiei was snuggled up against him, Kurama finally checked to see who had called him. It was Touya, all the way from Makai.

"Hello?" said Touya, when he picked up the phone.

"It's Kurama," said the fox-demon pleasantly. "Did you call me?"

"Yes." Touya sounded like his usual pregnant self when he spoke. "Guess what Jin and I are doing?"

"What's that?"

"Will you put me on speakerphone? I want Hiei to hear about this, too."

"Sure." Kurama pressed the speakerphone button, and set the communication mirror gently back down onto the coffee table. "So what is it that you and Jin are doing, Touya?"

"We're going to a childbirth class!" said Touya. "It's just for elementals, and it's this Saturday at the hospital where Dr. Setchi works. And guess what—she's the teacher!"

"Why are you telling us?" demanded Hiei, who had covered himself with a blanket.

"Well, you and Kurama are invited, of course!" Touya said gleefully. "Shizuru and Botan, too, if they want to come. Humans are built so similar to elementals that they're allowed."

"Save your breath," said Hiei. "My answer is no."

"But you could really use this information, Hiei," Touya insisted. "It's only two classes, Saturday and Sunday, and she's going to teach us breathing exercises, and tips on pushing, and pain management, and we'll even get to watch the Miracle of Life video!"

"Is that supposed to endear me to it?" Hiei snapped. "I don't want to watch the Miracle of Life video."

"I agree with Touya," said Kurama. "This could be a great learning experience for us. Besides, it's at a Makaian hospital, so chances are you won't be the only pregnant male for once. Plus, it's Dr. Setchi—you like her, and so does the baby. How bad could it be?"

Hiei groaned exaggeratedly. He still didn't want to go, but Kurama brought up some good points.

"Fine," he said. "I'll go. But don't expect me to enjoy it."

"Nobody ever does, Hiei," said Touya, and he and Kurama both laughed.

…

Hiei and Touya were about the right amount of pregnant for a childbirth class, but they figured Botan would be the only mother there who was still in the first trimester. She was on her seventh week, while Touya was on his twenty-seventh, and Hiei was on his thirty-first. Still, Botan didn't want to miss this opportunity, and Shizuru wholeheartedly agreed. She had trepidations about going to Makai, but Kurama assured her no one would bother them, and she had proven to be able to take care of herself, anyway.

They took the portal out back, as usual, which led right to the hospital in the city, as usual.

"So this is the demon realm, huh?" said Shizuru, looking around. "Hmm. Scenic."

Hiei chewed on his lip in frustration as Kurama helped him walk. He didn't know what would happen if they were to walk through Makai with a human—two humans, in fact, since Botan had to remain in her human body until little Hana was born.

Sure enough, all eyes were on them as they walked into the city and towards the hospital. The muttering was audible, and Hiei glared at onlookers, clearly not in the mood. His whole body was in pain, just like it always was these days, and he wasn't happy about having to put on not only underwear but also pants, a shirt, a bra, and shoes. This had better be worth it! Hiei was still moping about this when the party of six found themselves stopped by three very large demons.

"You lost, little human?" the biggest one jeered, his eyes on Shizuru.

"She's with us, and we are not lost, thank you," Kurama said, making sure not to keep eye contact, and he was about to lead his friends away when one of them grabbed Botan. As she was only on her seventh week, most demons still wouldn't be able to tell she was pregnant—the scent wouldn't be strong enough yet.

"Let me go!" Botan cried, fighting, but she shrieked as the demon squeezed her in his hands.

"You heard her!" Shizuru shouted, staring up at the demon with no fear. "You'll put her down right now if you know what's good for you!"

"And what are you going to do, human filth?" the demon chuckled, turning to his friends, who joined him in mocking laughter. "I'm at least twice your size."

"Well, last time I checked—size isn't everything!"

In an instant, Shizuru's black Spirit Dagger was out and extended, gutting through all three of the demons who had been standing in their path. As the biggest one fell, his grip on Botan loosened; as Shizuru retracted her weapon, Kurama quickly caught Botan before she hit the ground.

"Are you all right?" he asked her.

"I'll live," said Botan, who was remarkably pale. "And thank you, Shizuru."

"You really would make a good fighter," said Hiei, impressed in spite of himself.

"I do have to protect my wife and baby, you know," Shizuru said with a grin. "And you're being awfully modest, Hiei. You were the one who helped me improve my Spirit Dagger to begin with."

"The student's skill is truly a reflection of her teacher," Kurama said with a smile as they headed into the hospital.

Botan was suffering from the common "all-day sickness" that plagued many mothers-to-be, both demon and human, but it didn't seem to be nearly as bad as Hiei's had been, so she didn't have much of an issue in the elevator, riding up to Floor 12—the maternity ward.

Demons tended not to give birth in hospitals, as it had been discussed—the maternity ward was mainly for prenatal appointments and births that required medical intervention (inductions, preemies, high-risk pregnancies, things like that). Still, there were pregnant demons to be seen wheeled down the corridors, moaning in pain, the fathers usually not far behind them.

Kurama had a map, thankfully, and he used it to get to the room where they would be having the birthing class. There were already a lot of expecting couples there (as well as a few single mothers), chatting amongst each other. There were more females—it was more common for female demons to get pregnant than males—but Hiei and Touya certainly weren't the only pregnant male youkai taking the class, and Hiei had to admit, that did make him feel a bit less like an outsider. Here, in Makai, there was nothing odd or unnatural about a pregnant man. In fact, one man passed by with his own husband, clearly in labor, and cried, "Criminy, that's a long line!"

The doors were soon opened, and they were greeted by none other than Dr. Setchi. Hiei would have said hello or something, but he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

"Good morning, everyone," she said, giving them a warm smile. "My name is Dr. Setchi. I'm an obstetrician and a mother both, and I will be your teacher for this enlightening crash course. Over the next couple of days, I will teach you about your bodies, about childbirth, and everything you need to know before the big day. Now, come into the room, don't be shy…I've got some yoga mats for those of you who forgot. And we can start by getting to know each other."

Hiei and Kurama had brought their own yoga mat and pillows, but many others seemed to have forgotten. Kurama unrolled their yoga mat and sat down on it. Hiei sat in front of him, in between his legs, leaning back onto his lap. Kurama put his arms around Hiei, with his hands on the baby bump. They both loved sitting like this.

There were about twenty couples in the class, and they all said their names and due dates. Since this was a class for elemental types, most of the demons looked relatively like humans, with a few differences like pointy ears, horns, or an unusual hair or eye color. When it was Hiei and Kurama's turn, Hiei didn't feel like talking, so Kurama introduced them both.

"My name is Kurama," he said with a pleasant smile. "This is my husband, Hiei."

"Hey, I know you!" one of the fathers shouted, pointing. "Team Urameshi! You were two of the Dark Tournament champs!"

"Oh my gosh!" his wife chimed in, her gleaming purple eyes wide. "Hiei got knocked up!"

"Anyone who watched the tournament could tell Hiei and Kurama were in love from the start," a third demon scoffed. "I'm not surprised in the slightest."

The room filled with excited murmurs. Hiei squirmed; he didn't want this attention.

"Yes, we're the ones," said Kurama calmly. Hiei was so thankful that his husband had enough patience for both of them. "However, that was almost five years ago, and in the years after, we've largely settled into civilian life. Although Hiei and I were not in a relationship during the Dark Tournament, we are now married, and we have a child on the way, due June 11, 1997."

"Congratulations!" said the first demon, pumping his fist in the air, and almost everyone else clapped. Hiei knew his face was red. Yes, he had worked hard to win, but it had never been for the glory. It was because they simply couldn't afford to lose. And what did they think of him now, since he was so noticeably pregnant? As usual, the only thing people could think of when they looked at him was that he had been having sex.

"Thank you," said Kurama, massaging Hiei's shoulders to help him calm down, "but we're really just like anyone else. Why don't we let the others introduce themselves?" Kurama looked over at Touya and Jin. "How about you two?"

"My name is Touya, and this is my fiancé, Jin," said Touya. "We're going to be married in June, and our baby is due July 14. You might also recognize us from the Dark Tournament—the Shinobi, or Team Masho. We lost to Team Urameshi, but we became good friends later on."

"I'm Shizuru Kuwabara," said Shizuru, once it was her turn. "This is my wife, Botan. Our baby is due November 24. We're also probably the only couple here with a baby in the first trimester."

"Shizuru Kuwabara?" Once again, excited mutterings were spreading around the room. "The first woman in history to sire a child?"

"We were looking to have a child anyway," said Botan, trying to shrug it off. "The fact that it was a step towards science was just icing on the cake."

"Well, we're certainly lucky to have all these high-profile students," said Dr. Setchi, and Hiei could have sworn there was a gleam in her eye as she looked at him and Kurama. "But here, everyone is equal. So let's begin." She paused and smiled. "Some of you may remember health class from school. But just as a little refresher, we're going to learn some more about what happens during birth exactly. Lots of new parents are confused by this, which can make labor seem scary. But I think you'll find that the more you know, the less nervous you'll be on your big day.

"For an elemental demon, the median time taken up during a first birth is about eleven hours, which means that half of expectant mothers take longer than eleven hours and the other half takes less," Dr. Setchi continued. "For second-time mothers and on, it's six hours. Your labor might be as short as four hours, or longer than forty. Every labor, just like every pregnancy, is different. Just as how all of you have experienced a varying degree of physical symptoms, you will also all have different birth experiences. All will be special in its own way, though.

"Now," the doctor finished, "we're going to watch a couple of videos. This first video is just a little refresher on the male and female reproductive systems, which of course are all too important when it comes to these things."

Hiei wasn't too excited about this. Two-thirds of the first video's run time was spent talking about things like not only anatomy, but hormones too, and how men and women differed when it came to carrying babies and giving birth. Then they showed two medical illustrations of conception, one for pregnant males like Hiei and Touya, and one for pregnant females like Botan.

"Wooow," said one of the fathers, who seemed a bit too young to be a father, the demon equivalent of a teenager. The mother of his baby, who looked like she was the same age, rolled her eyes.

"So that is the miracle of reproduction," said Dr. Setchi, after the video had finished. "Now, this next video is different."

"Is it the Miracle of Life video?" asked one of the mothers.

"No, we're watching that later," Dr. Setchi replied. "This is just a scientific video about the signals our brains send us to let us know our babies are ready to come out. And the baby comes out when the mother's body is ready."

The video wasn't graphic, like everyone was expecting it to be. It was simply an illustration of the inside of the mother, including an animation of everything that happens in the onset of labor—from the water breaking to dilation to pushing to birth…all in about two and a half minutes. Like the previous video, the differences between males and females were clearly laid out. Again, it wasn't a graphic video, but to Hiei, it looked extremely painful. On the other hand, he was already in pain all the time, so could labor really be that much worse?

"I-I don't know if I can do this, Shizuru," he heard Botan whisper.

"Don't worry about that," Hiei muttered, turning to look in her direction. "By the time you reach the third trimester, you'll want so badly to have it over with that you won't care how much labor hurts, as long as it comes soon."

"That's not really reassuring," Botan whispered back, but that was when they had to be silent, since Dr. Setchi was talking again.

"Now, students, I realize that video was quite cold and medical," she said with a small smile. "So next, I've got something you might enjoy more. And before you decide to take an extremely long bathroom break—no, it's not graphic."

The first part of the video was actually surprising, because it didn't involve the birth at all. At first, everyone seemed a bit dubious about it, but at only a minute in, there were cemeteries that were livelier than the couples in that room. There was no speech in the video, just orchestral music. The mother had clearly just finished performing the sex act in the beginning of the video, but everyone gasped when they saw the conception.

It went quickly after that. They watched the entire process of the child growing from a tiny bubble-type thing to a fully-grown baby. By the time they reached the part of the video where the baby's heart started beating, Hiei found himself trying quite hard not to tear up. Botan and Touya had both already succumbed to the tears, and Hiei could have sworn he heard Kurama sniff.

The baby in the video didn't really look like a baby. It looked more like a mutated alien. But still, Hiei knew it was something he and Kurama had made together, and that was what mattered. That thing had been inside Hiei months and months ago. How big was it now? They'd have to see…

And slowly, that little mutant alien creature morphed into a baby. First it was a weird-looking one, then a normal-looking little baby that was starting to move around. In the later months, the baby moved its mouth, tugged at the umbilical cord, sucked its thumb, and moved around like crazy. It was, of course, just a coincidence, but that was when Hiei felt his own baby kick.

They watched the baby flip itself expertly around, then push its head into the opening of the womb, like it had in the previous video. They showed the water breaking, then a skeleton of the baby's mother as the baby got pushed out. And then, in the very last few seconds, to everyone's shock, the video showed a real baby, one that was born. The mother caught it as it was being born, then lifted it into her arms.

When Dr. Setchi stopped the tape and flicked on the lights, nobody spoke. Hiei certainly wasn't the only one who was struggling not to be emotional, and others weren't trying to hide it at all. There had been all these changes happening in Hiei, and he'd felt them for sure, but now he saw what they truly meant.

"It really is touching, isn't it?" said Dr. Setchi. "I have the best job in the world."

"Thanks for—thanks for showing us that," said the teenage mother-to-be, wiping her eyes. "I didn't know any of that stuff."

"Neither did I," added the father.

Of course you didn't, or she probably wouldn't be pregnant now, Hiei found himself thinking, but then, he was the one who had used an old, faulty condom, so who was he to talk?

"Well, I'm glad you know now," Dr. Setchi replied. "However, now is the time you all may have been dreading. It's time to put these ideas in action. For educational purposes, we've had two volunteers let themselves be filmed during birth, both from this very city. One is male, the other female. I strongly suggest you stay and watch."

"I'm not staying," said Hiei, trying and failing to stand up, so Kurama helped him. "Kurama, aren't you going to come with me?"

"No, I think this is important to know," Kurama replied. "But I'll help you walk to the door."

Hiei stayed out in the hall, along with some of his classmates, the sound of a woman's screaming barely audible behind the closed doors of the classroom. But then there was the sound of a baby crying, and there was Kurama out in the hall.

"They're showing the male birth now," he said. "I really think you should watch, Hiei. The female birth wasn't so bad. I've dealt with a lot more blood than that."

Hiei was too tired to argue. Kurama led him back into the room, and most of his classmates followed.

In the first part of the video, the male demon giving birth didn't look too concerned—his husband looked more nervous than he did. But as his labor progressed, he became visibly distressed. And most likely he'd forgotten he was being taped as well, because he stopped talking to the camera and he just started screaming, the noises he made quite similar to the woman's. Several of the students were wincing or covering their mouths in shock, especially the ones who had stayed out in the hallway for the female birth and hadn't seen anything yet. Dr. Setchi paused the video at this point.

"For those of you who skipped out on the female birth, this brave young man is going through the worst part of labor, which is commonly known as transition," she informed them. "He will soon reach the second stage of the three stages of labor, which begins with the first push and ends with the birth of his baby. Let's continue, shall we?"

Hiei found himself wondering what the third stage of labor was if the baby was born by the time the second stage was over—in fact, he hadn't known labor had "stages" at all—but he figured they would learn more about that later. And he was distracted by the video anyway, as that was when things got a little more graphic. Pushing took the demon about thirty minutes until the baby's head was finally visible, and everyone got excited—all except the one giving birth, who sounded like he was being tortured.

"IT BURNS!" he screamed. "CAN'T ANYBODY DO ANYTHING TO STOP THIS?!"

Everyone else was telling the pregnant demon that he was doing a good job, and Hiei supposed he was, but it was slow going. He nudged Kurama's arm.

"That looks like it hurts," he said.

"Maybe, but you can do it," Kurama told him.

"GOTTA GET IT OUT!" the man was heard grunting. "HOLY SHIT, THAT HURTS!"

"Wow," Botan was heard whispering. "I didn't know such a small demon could make such deep grunting noises."

"Well, now he sounds more like he's crying," Kurama observed.

"Maybe it's because that kid's head is so big," said Shizuru.

"Ohh! Ohh!" cried the laboring demon. He was working on pushing while one of his hands held onto what was visible of his baby's head. "Harder, harder…baby's coming, baby's coming…"

The students remaining in the room swiveled their heads simultaneously to the screen as the man's shrieks escalated to screaming that would likely rival his child's, at a pitch Hiei thought only dogs could hear. Would he sound like that? Meanwhile, his husband was fanning him with one hand, holding his hand with the other. Hiei felt bad for all the mothers who didn't have the fathers to support them, but then he heard himself gasp as finally, the baby's head was out. Then the mother didn't sound so pained anymore as his baby slid out in only two more pushes.

In less than a second, the sound of a mother's screams morphed into clapping and the man's sigh of relief. He held the new baby in his arms and for a moment, the students seemed to forget what he had gone through to get it. The man was actually crying in disbelief, cradling the tiny thing that he now held so lovingly in his arms. His husband gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he tilted his head up and kissed him on the lips. He was crying, kissing his baby over and over again. Dr. Setchi called everyone who skipped the video to come back inside.

"I can't believe he's really here," said the man on-screen softly. "The pain was so worth it."

Botan was broken down into tears in Shizuru's arms. Hiei actually felt a little bit bad for her, remembering how horrible it felt to have such a sudden influx of hormones flood your body. He was trying not to cry himself, because he already thought he cried too much, but he leaned back against Kurama's chest anyway, enjoying the feeling of the fox-demon's soft hands in his hair.

"You're all likely wondering something," said Dr. Setchi. "Are there any ways you can make labor less painful? Of course, there are things we do here at the hospital, such as epidurals, but if you choose not to go that route, one popular strategy is to focus on your breathing."

"Here we go," Hiei muttered. Kurama squeezed his shoulder.

"You generally breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly and calmly," said Dr. Setchi. "Let's do it together, shall we? Dads, too!"

Dr. Setchi took a deep breath in through her nose, arms spread wide, eyes closed, looking almost like a prophetess on a hilltop, and then she breathed out through her mouth. The mothers (and some of the fathers) followed along.

"Good job!" Dr. Setchi told them encouragingly. "Another technique we can try is patterned breathing. The idea is that you can distract yourself from the pain of contractions by focusing on the breathing task itself. These need to be learned and practiced, so it's a good thing we get to work on them in class today."

"What's patterned breathing?" asked one of the fathers, waving his hand all around in the air. "I've never heard of it."

"One of the most widely-used strategies is pant-pant-blow," Dr. Setchi explained. "Let's pretend we've just entered a contraction. Your breathing should sound like this, and occur roughly at one breath per second. But adjust it to your liking, of course."

Dr. Setchi breathed sharply in and out, sounding kind of like "hee-hee-hoo." Soon, everybody was following along with her. Hiei had his eyes closed and was lying down, like all the other mothers in the class. When they were done and sitting up, Botan raised her hand.

"This all seems easy enough now," she said, "but what about when we're in labor? Won't it be hard to remember all of this?"

"That's a very good question," Dr. Setchi replied with a smile. "And it's why I brought these."

Dr. Setchi reached for a burlap bag sitting on one of the tables. It was sealed tight and it looked like something was squirming inside.

"For those of you who don't know, these are called Pincha," she explained. "They're small but aggressive creatures native to Makai. Usually they don't bother higher-class demons, but when they feel threatened, they show their spikes and can be very painful in your hand."

"Pincha," Hiei heard Kurama say in recognition. "I've dealt with those before. They aren't very friendly."

Dr. Setchi walked around the room and gave one Pincha to each student (dads included). The idea was that they had to use their breathing techniques to power through the pain of the Pincha's sharp spikes.

"Ouch!" said Botan, as her Pincha immediately sunk its spikes into her palm.

"Use the breathing techniques we've just discussed to distract yourself from the pain of the Pincha's spikes," Dr. Setchi explained. She was walking around the room, helping anyone who was having trouble. Hiei was trying to use patterned breathing to help himself deal with the Pincha. It sounded easy, like something he could deal with, but it wasn't. It was like having tiny blades piercing the palm of his hand. Even though he tried to imitate Dr. Setchi's breathing, it was getting harder to endure. Hiei sometimes found himself breathing in through his mouth by accident, or out through his nose. He tried to focus on breathing, but it wasn't much different than just sitting there thinking about the Pincha's sharp spikes. It didn't really help, to be honest.

Finally, Dr. Setchi told them they could put the Pincha away. Hiei dropped his like a hot tomato. Normally he would have used some demon energy to heal the wound, but in his current condition, he didn't have enough. Kurama did it for him, and he enjoyed the pleasant warmth of Kurama's powers, leaving his hand unharmed. Pincha hurt, but in reality, they didn't do much damage.

"There are more ways to manage pain, like movement and massage," said Dr. Setchi, collecting all the Pincha and putting them back into the bag. "There are lots of benefits of massage."

"Like how it can get girls to have sex with you?" the teenager said tactlessly, waving his hand.

"It could happen," said Dr. Setchi casually. "Pregnancy hormones can result in a heightened sex drive for some mothers."

"What about me, Dr. Setchi?" said the teenage male. "I'm always feeling really horny, too, and I'm not pregnant."

"But you are going through puberty still," Dr. Setchi reminded him. "That might explain it."

"Oh…yeah," said the teenager. His girlfriend rolled her eyes again.

"Now, if there are no more questions, we're going to get to the next part of the class, which is pushing," said Dr. Setchi. "Everyone please stand on your knees or in a squat."

Hiei and Kurama both dropped into a squatting position, as did Jin. Touya, Shizuru, and Botan were all kneeling.

"Now, I want you all to pretend you're pushing a baby out," Dr. Setchi ordered. "And…go!"

It was more than a little awkward, but for the sake of education, and because everyone else was doing it, Hiei joined in with the pushing. Dr. Setchi hadn't told them which muscles to use (maybe she was testing them), so they had to guess. Quite frankly, though, Hiei felt more like he was trying to push out an uncomfortably large and stubborn bowel movement than anything else, and it probably looked that way, too. He only opened his eyes at Kurama's voice.

"Relax, Hiei," he whispered. "It's just an exercise."

"Oh. Right." Hiei took a deep breath and looked over at the teenager and his girlfriend. They were both attempting to squat, until the baby's father, visibly straining, fell backwards onto the floor.

"Now, everyone, I can see the flaws," said Dr. Setchi. "What muscles do you believe you used when you were pushing?"

"Pelvic floor," said one of the fathers, raising his hand.

"Yes." Dr. Setchi nodded. "And the pelvic floor muscles should be used when birthing. But often the abdominal muscles are overlooked. It's true the baby is going to come out no matter what, but if there was a more efficient way to do it, wouldn't you?"

All the mothers nodded in agreement, including Hiei. Dr. Setchi told them to pay attention, then demonstrated a push of her own. It didn't look anything at all like the pushes the students were attempting. She didn't clench her teeth or screw up her eyes (although she did close them), and she put her hands on her thighs, knees bent, legs spread open. When she was done with the practice push, she grunted, loosened her muscles, and opened her eyes.

"Good job!" said one of the mothers. "But how are we supposed to do that?"

"Don't worry," Dr. Setchi replied. "I'll teach you. I know that when you push, your first instinct is usually to use your pelvic floor. But try to focus on your abdominal muscles instead. Flex them first, and use them to do the pushing, with your pelvic floor for support. Relax your face muscles, because tensing them only wastes energy. Remember, you use your demon energy to give birth, not your life energy, so save it up. Now, I want you all to try it again…"

And they did. It was different than what they'd done before. Hiei could at least flex what was left of his abs, and he did so, trying to keep his face relaxed. It was hard to focus on relaxing his face, flexing his muscles, and using his pelvic floor for support, all at the same time. It seemed like if he forgot about one, it would slip, and he'd find his teeth clenched, or his abs relaxed, relying too much on his pelvic floor again. When he was done with his push, he let out an involuntary sort of grunt. Botan must have thought hers was unladylike, because she apologized.

"Sorry," she said. "I couldn't help that grunting sound."

"Did I hear someone mention grunting?" Dr. Setchi had a grin on her face. "You're correct, Botan. Screaming during labor makes the mother tense. Did you notice something in common about the two birth videos? They were making deep sounds—guttural, you might say—and these helped them along. Observe."

Dr. Setchi did a push again, but this time she added grunting, which might have been more convincing if she had actually been in labor, because otherwise it just sounded kind of odd. It was even stranger when she told them to practice grunting. As it turned out, grunting was one thing if you did it at the end of your push involuntarily, but it wasn't easy to consciously do it. Botan kept breaking into giggles, and Hiei thought the noises he was making qualified more as "straining" than "grunting." With yet another thing to focus on, it all seemed a little counterintuitive.

"Don't worry, class," Dr. Setchi told them. "We'll have plenty more time to practice during the duration of our class—and that's a good thing, because tomorrow I have a surprise for one of the fathers. But he's got to be very brave."

Once they were all done pushing and grunting, class was over for the day. Dr. Setchi told everyone they would be finishing the rest of the crash course tomorrow, and to get a good night's sleep. Then they had a little bit of time to socialize. The mothers and fathers seemed to split, for the most part, into two packs, but Hiei didn't want to leave Kurama, so he stayed with the fathers. Jin and Shizuru joined Touya and Botan with the mothers. Kurama was giving Hiei another shoulder rub when he felt himself being jabbed in the ribs by a demon wearing a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, khakis, and big square glasses, topped off by a sweaty man-bun. Hiei knew him from the introductions to be called Akito.

"Hey there," said Akito. "What position did you use?"

"What?" said Hiei sharply.

"Y'know, what position did you use for getting pregnant?" the man clarified.

"That's none of your business," Hiei snapped.

"But some positions make it easier!" Akito insisted. "Would you like to hear about my experience?"

"No, I would not, and it doesn't matter, Akito, because obviously everyone here succeeded in the end, didn't they?" Hiei gestured to the crowd of mothers-to-be. "Now, if you don't mind—"

"Sakura and I used a position that worked really well," the teenager interrupted.

"Oh really," said Akito in interest. "What position did you use, Daichi?"

"She gave me a lot of head," Daichi replied, beaming at the very thought.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Hiei told him impatiently. "It doesn't work that way."

"She swallows every time," Daichi said back, as if this settled the matter. "Besides, I can only last for about thirty seconds before I explode like a wine bottle."

"Okay, for one thing, that was way more than I needed to know," Hiei snapped, wondering how and why anyone would share something like that with someone he didn't know from a hole in the ground. "And second, you can't have gotten her pregnant that way, wine bottle or no. It had to be when you two did it for real."

"You're wrong," Daichi said stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest. "I know because we haven't done it for real yet. I've never actually seen her without her clothes on. I have imagined her in the shower a lot, though…"

Hiei and Akito exchanged a sudden look of understanding. Somebody had been cheated on and lied to.

"I'm telling you, a girl can't get pregnant that way," Akito said, a little gentler. "Think about it."

Daichi had probably been picturing Sakura in the shower again, but upon Akito's words, his mind worked furiously to think about his theory on how she had fallen pregnant.

"You say you've only seen her naked in your mind," Akito continued. "But did you ever think, well…maybe some other guy has seen her naked for real?"

"What?" Daichi stared over at his girlfriend, looking horrified. "Sakura? You think she'd…?"

"I'm not sure whose baby that is," Hiei told him, "but it isn't yours."

"I-I have to go to the bathroom!" Daichi cried, his voice cracking violently, and he ran out the door, his hands over his face.

"Poor kid," Akito said sympathetically.

"She's a cheating witch, he's a young fool," Hiei said matter-of-factly. "It's not our concern."

"We've all been there, too," Akito continued.

"Cheated on?"

"No, the wine bottle thing," said Akito shrewdly. "I mean, when I was his age, even thirty seconds was hard to—"

"I'm really starting to wonder about this conversation," Hiei interrupted, sticking his hands in his pockets. "That metaphor was in bad taste, don't you think?"

"It wasn't a metaphor, it was a simile," Akito corrected.

"Whatever," Hiei said impatiently, and that was when Kurama, who had been talking to someone else, turned around and put a hand on his shoulder. Hiei didn't think he'd ever been so happy to see Kurama in his life.

"All right, Hiei," he said brightly. "Ready to g—"

"Yes!" Hiei seized his arm and walked away as quickly as he could without getting too winded. They got their pillows and yoga mat, then met up with the other four at the entrance. Akito waved as they left. They didn't get to see Daichi again (he stayed in the hospital bathroom for so long that Dr. Setchi got worried and sent one of the staff in there to fetch him), but Hiei didn't care.

"Well, that was enlightening," Botan said brightly, as they walked down the hallway, six abreast.

"I could do without the discussion at the end," Hiei said as they headed towards the elevators. "Am I the only one who knows TMI is a thing?"

"No," said Shizuru. "Why?"

"Well, it turns out Daichi isn't a father at all, to begin with," said Hiei. "His girl was cheating on him."

"What?!" Botan gasped. "How did you know? Did he tell you?"

"And why did he go to class if it wasn't his and she cheated on him?" Touya added. "Where was the real father?"

"I don't mean it like that," said Hiei. "That demon in the khakis, Akito, had the gall to ask me what position Kurama and I used, if you can imagine, and I didn't answer, because that's none of his business, but of course Daichi decided to share with us all."

"And?" said Kurama, who obviously hadn't been exposed to the disaster of that conversation.

"Daichi thought he was the real father, but then he claimed she'd gotten pregnant just by giving him blow jobs," Hiei explained. "Akito and I told him it wasn't possible, but he said it must be, because they never went any further. He's never even seen her without her clothes, apparently. So we just told him again…and then it kind of clicked, I guess. I bet he won't turn up tomorrow."

Shizuru whistled. "Poor kid."

"That's not what irritated me," said Hiei. "Why did that conversation happen in the first place? Why do people think I want to hear about what positions they used or how long it takes them to finish? Since when was this normal?"

"This class is a bit on the fringe," Botan pointed out. "So I expect you'll run into some strange people."

"Well, I don't like them," said Hiei. Their group had reached the elevators by now, and Shizuru pressed the button that would take them to the lobby.

"What did the mothers talk about?" Kurama asked.

"Oh, you do not want to know," said Shizuru with relish.

"Let's just say that they were things only a pregnant person would understand," Botan added.

"Then I could understand," said Hiei. "And nothing could be worse than what I had to hear from Akito and Daichi."

"Fine," Shizuru replied. "There was this one woman who was having triplets, and somebody mentioned leaking all the time, so she described the panty liner as her 'new best friend.' Then this other woman said we should be practicing our Kegels, which are apparently an exercise where you clench like you're holding back your pee."

"That sounds painful," said Hiei, who was already wishing Kurama had never asked.

"It's not, though," Botan said brightly. "I just did one right now."

Hiei didn't answer her. Instead, he turned to Kurama.

"Do we really have to go back tomorrow?" he asked. "I think we've learned enough, don't you?"

"There's still a lot more to learn," Kurama replied with a smile. "Besides, if we don't go tomorrow, we won't get our money back."

"Wait, you were spending money on this shit?"

"Ah, Hiei, you have so much to learn…" Kurama laughed, and Hiei was scowling all the way back to the portal.

…

Kurama did manage to drag Hiei to the second and last birthing class on Sunday. Hiei brought what he called a "snack," and what Kurama called "disgusting." It was a meat smoothie, with three different types of meat, topped with coffee ice cream, plus a layer of mayonnaise, with about half the salt shaker sprinkled on top. Just thinking about it made Kurama sick to his stomach, but as long as Hiei was happy, he was, too.

"I really hope I don't run into Akito again," Hiei commented as they walked towards the birthing room. Kurama tried not to gag as the smell of the meat/ice cream/mayonnaise/salt combination hit his nose.

"Don't worry," he said. "I'll stick with you during the socializing today."

When they got to the door, Akito was indeed waiting for them. He seemed happy to see Hiei. Looking around, Kurama noticed that Sakura was there, but Daichi wasn't.

"Guess what my doctor told me about, Hiei?!" Akito cried, excited. "Male Kegels! You have to try them! I'm sure they'll really help me because recently I've been having trouble with—"

"Now, don't you think that's a little personal, Akito?" said Kurama, cutting him off. "I'm sure there are other things we can talk about."

"Like what your husband is eating?" said a voice behind them, and Akito, Hiei, and Kurama all turned around. It was another one of the fathers, Joji.

Besides Shizuru and in this case Botan, Joji was the only one there who smelled human, and he obviously was 100% so, even though he had refrained from stating it in the introductions (his wife, the mother of his child, was clearly a demon, which explained why he was here). In addition to a deep scowl, he was wearing frayed bell-bottom jeans, sandals with rainbow socks, and an old white tank top with a peace sign necklace, with a bracelet made of flowers and a red headband to top the look off. It was like looking at a stuck-in-the-sixties old hippie, only this guy was quite young, probably a couple of years younger than Yusuke and Kuwabara. Unfortunately, he also smelled terrible; this was one of the times when Kurama cursed his strong sense of smell. He tried to focus on the wonderful scent coming from Hiei instead, but it was very difficult.

"What are you talking about?" Hiei snapped at him, taking another bite of the salty mayo, mixed in with some of the ice cream.

"It's a meat smoothie with ice cream, mayo, and salt," Kurama explained. "You should try one sometime."

"I never would!" Joji glared at him. "I'm a vegan!"

"What the hell is a vegan?" said Hiei.

"It's a person who doesn't drink a cow's breastmilk and eat its carcass, you animal murderer," Joji told him furiously.

"Did I miss something?" Hiei demanded, turning to Kurama.

"Hiei, a vegan is a person who doesn't eat animal products," Kurama explained quickly. "It's not the same as vegetarianism, though. Vegetarians can eat things like butter and milk and cheese, but vegans can only eat vegetables and fruit."

"Natural energy," said Joji, "harnessed from the Earth."

"There's nothing wrong with being vegan, Joji," said Kurama. "That's your choice. But it's wrong to criticize Hiei's choice, especially when he's pregnant."

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem," Joji replied, but luckily, they were saved the pressure of more conversation by the sight of Sakura walking past.

"Sakura," said Akito, unusually sternly. "I wanted to have a word with you."

"And I want my 32-inch waistline back," she said rudely, not even looking at him. "But we can't have everything just the way we want it, can we?"

"I mean it!" Akito insisted. "You really hurt Daichi's feelings."

"It's not my fault he's a little pussy bitch," Sakura snarled.

"I agree with Akito," Kurama cut in. "Daichi loved you, and yet you cheated on him."

"Don't you start lecturing me, Mr. Dark Tournament Champ," she snapped. "You're not that special."

"You take that back!" shouted Hiei.

"Never!" she retorted. "I'm not stupid, you know!"

"No, dearest Sakura! You're not stupid! You're absolutely perfect!"

Akito, Sakura, Kurama, and Hiei all swiveled their heads to the doorway in sync (Joji didn't, as he was too busy chewing on a celery stick). It was Daichi, holding a bouquet of roses, looking as if he was the one who had cheated. Tears were streaming down his face.

"Daichi," Kurama began, thinking the kid was insane for doing this, wanting to stop him somehow, but Daichi rushed right past him.

"You…you came back?" said Sakura in shock.

"I just couldn't stay away!" Daichi cried passionately. "Oh, my angel, what can I do to make you love me again?"

"Just stay by my side," Sakura cooed. "Oh, I love you, Daichi."

"How romantic!" Akito exclaimed as they kissed, but Kurama was a little more skeptical, and he could tell from the look on Hiei's face that his husband agreed.

"He's screwed, isn't he?" Hiei muttered to Kurama.

"One-hundred percent." Kurama nodded.

"And you all can leave us alone." Sakura smirked as poor clueless Daichi swept her away.

"Well, it's not like you deserve respect," Joji said obnoxiously. "You obviously don't care about the environment at all."

"Oh, and you do?" said Hiei scathingly. "I would say about 90% of pollution comes from your B.O. alone."

"Screw the system!" Joji shouted, punching his fist into the air. "You and your meat smoothie have just sold out to the man! So stop offending me!"

"Well, you stop offending my sense of smell," Hiei argued, "and I might stop offending you."

"Come on, Hiei, let's just go," said Kurama, who didn't want anyone to pick a fight with Hiei. They spread out their yoga mat and sat down on it, just like yesterday, and all the other couples settled in around them.

"All right, everyone, listen up!"

Hiei and Kurama turned at the sound of Dr. Setchi's voice. Kurama set Hiei's meat smoothie on a table at the back of the classroom (it was empty but for a baby doll and a cross-section of some female organs), and then went back to sit with his beloved pregnant husband. They put the pillows they'd brought nearby, in case they needed them. Hiei sat in between Kurama's legs again, and they both kept their hands on Hiei's baby bump. Many other couples were sitting like this, too. The baby kicked awfully hard, right where Kurama's hand was.

"Now, what was that for?" Kurama said, pretending to be indignant, though in truth he was happy.

"Oh, I don't think he was being unreasonable." Hiei laughed.

As soon as everyone was settled in, Dr. Setchi started talking about the day's activities.

"We're going to continue our discussion of pain management techniques," she told everyone. "Yesterday, we talked about how proper breathing is crucial to your birth experience, and how the proper sort of pushing can make all the difference when giving birth. Today, we'll start with the benefits of massage."

Kurama remembered how yesterday Daichi had mentioned that massage could get you sex, although according to Hiei, it hadn't gotten him any. Maybe now it would? Daichi seemed nice enough, but definitely not smart.

"We're now going to take a field trip to another room in the hospital," said Dr. Setchi, "where the fathers are going to learn to give a proper back massage. Remember how in the video the baby was pressed against its mother's spine? That's called back labor, and it hurts. There was a reason it was highlighted in red, after all."

Dr. Setchi led the couples to another room (she had to wait a little, because it took the mothers some time to stand up again). Inside were several exercise balls, beanbag chairs, and hospital beds. There was also a nurse waiting for them.

"This is my colleague, Mitsuki," Dr. Setchi introduced her. "She's a mother of seven, and she's going to help me demonstrate what it's like to properly massage someone in labor."

"You might be wondering what all of this is," Mitsuki added, pointing to the equipment in the room. "First of all, the exercise balls, also known as 'birthing balls,' can be very efficient for pain management. It encourages you to sit in an upright position, which is better than lying down on your back. There are also hospital beds and beanbag chairs for the mothers to use to support themselves. If you need comfort, you have your support person to help you relax."

Kurama smiled, glad to be Hiei's "support person" during the birth.

Dr. Setchi motioned for Mitsuki to lean forward and put her hands on the bed. "We will first demonstrate what would happen if Mitsuki were to need a massage. Cue back labor."

"Oh, no!" Mitsuki suddenly looked agonized. "My back sure hurts!"

"This is how you might make her feel better." Dr. Setchi began massaging Mitsuki's back, deeply pushing into it. Mitsuki seemed to relax.

"I wish my husband still gave massages like this," she cooed. "But after your fourth or fifth, I think they get bored of it."

"Well, keep in mind that I'm a trained professional," Dr. Setchi reminded her. "Now, why don't we all try it together?"

Dr. Setchi continued with Mitsuki's massage, while all the fathers tried it with the mothers. Daichi wasn't doing his massage very well, apparently, because Sakura shrieked in pain as soon as he started.

"OW!" she screamed. "You fail at this! You fail at life!"

"Sorry, my love!" Daichi whined, pressing harder as she winced. Mitsuki rushed over to help them, while Dr. Setchi came to see how Hiei and Kurama were doing. She took Kurama's hands and set them on Hiei's shoulder blades.

"Massage up from his shoulders and neck and then all the way down to his lower back," she explained, as Kurama did his best. "Use long, slow strokes with firm pressure. Feel all that tension just melt away."

Kurama led Hiei over to one of the hospital beds and had him lean over, thankful they already had so much practice with massage. He knew he must be doing it right, because Hiei looked like he was feeling his back pain alleviate a little.

At one point Botan and Shizuru found an exercise ball that nobody was using. Botan laughed when she tried to sit on it; she almost fell completely off, but Shizuru caught her at the last minute, holding her under the armpits. She giggled as her wife helped her stand up again.

"Here…you sit on it, Hiei," she said jokingly, plunking Hiei down on the exercise ball despite his protests. Kurama, to be a good sport, tried to join him on it, but the ball couldn't hold both of them, and they fell onto the floor, laughing as they landed in each other's arms. Dr. Setchi didn't seem impressed that they were fooling around, though, so she gently lifted Hiei up.

"You don't just sit on it like that, Hiei," she explained patiently. "You're supposed to lean against it."

Dr. Setchi set the exercise ball directly facing the wall, and she had Hiei lower himself down so that he was almost lying on top of the ball in a very deep squatting position with his legs spread, and then she told him to breathe deeply again. He looked uncomfortable with both the attention and the position.

"Are you sure we can't sit on the ball?" asked Botan. "I see people sit on these things all the time."

"Well, there is a certain way to do it," Dr. Setchi replied, gesturing for her colleague to join them. "I'd be happy to show you."

Once she arrived on the scene, Mitsuki promptly grabbed Kurama and sat him down on a different exercise ball. Then she spread his legs out and had him put both his hands on his thighs.

"Now what?" Kurama asked.

"Just move in big circles, and don't forget to breathe deeply." Mitsuki placed her hands on Kurama's shoulders, moving him back and forth and all around as he practiced his deep breathing. Words couldn't describe how awkward it was, and the fact that Hiei was watching, obviously trying not to laugh, wasn't helping.

"Focus on moving from side to side," Dr. Setchi added. "It will help the baby move positions, with less pain."

"Can you feel the baby coming yet, Kurama?" Shizuru joked.

"Yes…any minute now," said Kurama, trying to accommodate them all. Hiei fell out of his squat, hysterical with laughter. Dr. Setchi looked like she meant business, though, so Kurama did as he was told.

"Meanwhile, we have another one for you, Hiei." Mitsuki left Kurama alone for the moment and set Hiei on top of his exercise ball. "Just gently bounce up and down. The last thing you need is to fall off the birthing ball when you're in labor."

"Like this?" said Hiei, trying to bounce as little as possible.

"You can use a little more bounce," Dr. Setchi told him. "Enough to get your baby moving. Put some pressure on the opening to the ninshinsu if necessary, too. This can also be used to break your water, if you're having trouble with that."

"And as for you, Kurama," said Mitsuki, pulling Kurama up by his hand and leading him over to Hiei, "give a hug to Hiei as he's sitting on the birthing ball, then sort of rock him back and forth, like so."

Dr. Setchi sat Mitsuki down on the exercise ball and hugged her, gently swaying her from side to side. Kurama was all too glad to be in physical contact with Hiei, so he put one hand on the pregnant demon's shoulder, the other on his belly.

"I'm all for seeing the parents cuddling," said Mitsuki strictly, "but if he was really in labor, that pose wouldn't help him very much. You've got to rock him, Kurama."

Hiei lay forward on the exercise ball; Kurama placed both hands on Hiei's hips and started to rock him the way it had been demonstrated. As they did so, Kurama tried to imagine Hiei being in labor, and wondered if this would really help him with it. Botan and Shizuru were modeling them, doing the same thing.

"As these students show, it is very important to move your hips when you're in labor, and mobility in general is encouraged," Dr. Setchi said to the class at large. "Now, let's continue with the field trip, shall we?"

During the next hour, Dr. Setchi led the students throughout the maternity ward of the hospital. They got to go to the nursery and see all the sleeping babies, and they got to see a room all set up for delivery. They got to have a chat with another doctor, who discussed medical pain management options with them. When they got back to their regular room, the moms-to-be were tired out from all that walking, so some of the fathers gave them foot or back massages as Dr. Setchi talked about their next activity.

"Many people believe that the bonding between parent and child begins at birth," Dr. Setchi began. "Not so. There are many ways to communicate with your little ones before they're born. So we're going to become more educated about that."

"I like to sing to him!" Akito shouted, raising his hand.

"I like to lecture her about the dangers of climate change," Joji added.

"I like to share the gossip with her," said Sakura.

Kurama didn't say anything as he kept massaging Hiei's feet. He tried to talk to the baby whenever he could, and he was always feeling for kicks. It wasn't just for the baby, either; he loved seeing the soft expression on Hiei's face as he tried his best to bond with the unborn baby. But he hadn't sung very much, he thought gossip was tacky, and he was quite sure he had never lectured the baby on the dangers of climate change. What he really wanted was the kind of closeness with the baby that Hiei had, and he would do all he could to foster a connection.

"One more way to bond is through touch," said Dr. Setchi, as if reading Kurama's thoughts. "It's important for babies to receive physical contact, even before they leave the womb. So I want every father here to give a belly massage to the mother. Try to bond with your babies while you do it."

At that moment, Kurama realized what the pillows were for, and he was glad he'd brought them. He put one of them under Hiei's head, and the other under his back. He decided he would talk to the baby again, but this proved difficult. It was one thing to talk to Hiei's baby bump when it was just the two of them, or they were with their friends, but it was another to do it in a room full of virtual strangers.

"So, uh…where do you think her ears are?" Shizuru asked, looking at Botan. "Or does she not have any?"

"Well, I'm afraid your baby probably doesn't have any ears yet, but you can still practice with this activity," Dr. Setchi told her. "Babies have ears by the eighteenth week of pregnancy. For some of you in the later stages, your babies could already be facing downwards, towards the opening of the womb."

"What do you think the dads should talk about?" asked Touya, who was on his back as Jin rubbed his baby bump.

"You could be like Akito and sing something," Botan suggested.

"Yeah, and he's definitely not the only one." Shizuru pointed at Daichi, who was warbling away tunelessly as Sakura winced.

"I suppose I could do that," Kurama agreed, and in a low voice, he started to hum a tune that his own mother had sung to him when he was a baby. Hiei closed his eyes and looked relaxed as Kurama rubbed his belly. It was good to see him smile.

Daichi, meanwhile, was attempting to sing a nursery rhyme famous among all elemental demon mothers. Kurama had never heard a song mangled so much in all his long life. Daichi was just finishing Verse 2, rubbing Sakura's pregnant belly as he did so (massage wouldn't be the right word; he looked more like he was kneading dough).

"May our babies all be strong!" shrieked Daichi, somehow never managing to hit any of the notes. "And should they face some bandits…just kill them AAAAAALLLLLL!"

"Enough!" Sakura shouted. Many of the students had their hands over their ears.

"W-What was that, darling?" said Daichi, clearing his throat.

"I never want you to sing again! Ever!" she snapped. "Someday you're going to blow out our baby's eardrums!"

"You mean your baby's eardrums, Sakura," said Hiei, lifting his head up and opening one eye to look.

"Don't listen to him, Daichi." Sakura scowled. "He's just jealous."

"Jealous?" Hiei said incredulously. "Of what?"

"Of our relationship," Daichi said.

"I've got a hundred problems," said Hiei, letting his head fall back onto the pillow, "but a cheating girlfriend isn't one."

Sakura bristled, but that was when Dr. Setchi came walking by.

"Everything okay over here?" she asked pointedly.

"Just fine," said Kurama pleasantly.

"Maybe you should talk a little, Daichi," Dr. Setchi suggested. "Tell your baby about how you met your girlfriend, for example."

"O-Okay," Daichi said uncomfortably. Sakura groaned.

Kurama didn't listen to Daichi's story. Instead, he turned back to Hiei and began talking to his baby. He supposed he felt sorry for his little boy, having to hang around these people all day.

"I just want you to remember something, little one," he said. "There's room for all kinds of people in this world. Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can or can't be. Make sure you judge people based on who they are, not what they are. Hiei and I are bringing you into a different world than that of your grandparents, one where demons and humans try to get along and not cause trouble. I think that's the greatest gift I can give to you, my son. I try to make the world a better place—"

"No, you don't," Joji interrupted rudely.

"Maybe not the way Joji defines it," said Kurama. "But this way, baby, you'll get to live your own, amazing life. We'll never leave you behind, and you'll never have to feel like you aren't loved, because you'll always be loved by so many people. And no matter what happens, Hiei and I will always be with you. Forever."

"I love you, Kurama," Hiei whispered sleepily. Kurama kissed Hiei on his baby bump and then on the forehead.

"I love you too, Hiei," Kurama said, and he meant it.

"All right, dads, belly time is over," Dr. Setchi announced, breaking the spell. "Remember how I said yesterday that I had a surprise for the bravest father in the class?"

"Yes," said several of the students.

"Well, now it's time," said Dr. Setchi. "Any volunteers?"

"What the hell," said Hiei. "I'll do it."

"You're one of the mothers, Hiei," Dr. Setchi reminded him patiently. "This is something for the dads to experience. Kurama? Would you like to try the challenge?"

"Of course." Kurama nodded, not hesitating for one instant. He wanted to represent Hiei.

"It might be painful, you know," she warned.

"I can deal with that."

"It's true," Hiei bragged. "Kurama can handle more pain than anyone."

"Well, I don't know about that," Kurama said modestly. "But I'll do the challenge."

"Thank you, Kurama." Dr. Setchi smiled. "Now, please wait a moment while I go out and get my, shall we say, equipment…"

"You two aren't going to get away with this," Joji snarled, as soon as she left the room. "I'm going to do the challenge."

"Do you even know what you're talking about?" Hiei laughed sardonically. "This is a class for demons. Whatever it is, it will probably kill your frail human body."

"It will not!" Joji protested.

"Hmm…" Shizuru grinned. "Care to make it interesting, then?"

"You're on!" said Joji, his eyes flashing. "If I can do the challenge, Hiei and Kurama have to buy me a month's supply of kale."

"Fine." Hiei scowled. "But if you can't…you have to take a sip of my meat smoothie."

Kurama couldn't believe Hiei would play dirty like that…well, actually, he could believe it, but he still thought they both were being ridiculous. Joji's confident smirk faltered a bit at the thought of Hiei's proposition, but he wasn't about to be outdone.

"Sounds good to me," he said. "But if Kurama can't complete the challenge, I don't have to drink your meat smoothie."

"All right, you've got yourself a deal," Hiei said, reaching out his hand to shake hands, but then apparently thinking better of it.

"Indeed I have," Joji said obnoxiously. "There's no way some ignorant, animal-murdering demon with a huge carbon footprint can beat me."

"Well, I should be the one laughing, because I bet my carbon footprint is MUCH bigger than yours!" Hiei shot back.

"Hiei, I don't think that means what you think it means," Kurama whispered.

They both had to shut up then, though, because that was when Dr. Setchi walked back into the room, holding a strange little device. It looked sort of like a cordless telephone upon first glance, except it had wires and strange little white pads attached.

"This is a Birth Pain Simulator," she explained with a smile. "Can I have our volunteer, please?"

"Yes," said Joji, standing up like his yoga mat had been electrocuted.

"You know, I want him to drink my meat smoothie," Hiei muttered, "but I would've seen this human suffer for nothing."

"All right, then, here's what we're going to do," said Dr. Setchi. "Not only will Joji be able to feel some of the pain his wife will be feeling during childbirth, but this will also educate the rest of the class on what a real birth might look like. Labor and delivery are separated into three stages—early labor, active labor, and the birth of the placenta. As it would suggest, early labor is the first stage."

"What do we do during early labor?" asked Joji's wife, raising her hand.

"You use the breathing techniques to handle the pains, which should be mild," Dr. Setchi told her. "You can also take a walk, a nap, or a shower. Once the pains become longer, stronger, and more frequent, you may be in active labor.

"All right, then, Joji," she continued, setting her Birth Pain Simulator on the ground. "Pull up your shirt and let me put these pads on your abdomen. They will contract your muscles, imitating the pains felt during childbirth. Do you still want to continue?"

"Yes," said Joji firmly, glaring at Kurama and Hiei.

"All right, then…" Dr. Setchi handed a sheet of paper to Joji. "These are some of the examples of stomach pain that these will emulate."

"1, out-of-shape person trying to run a marathon," Joji read off the paper. "2, mild period cramps. 5, severe period cramps. 8, lactose intolerant person who has consumed two or more consecutive milkshakes. 10, childbirth."

Dr. Setchi lifted up Joji's smelly white tank top, which had yellow pit stains on it, and attached the white pads to his abdomen. Now it was time for the pain.

"Ouch!" said Joji, as Dr. Setchi pressed the button. But he relaxed when it was over. "Hey, I just survived labor!"

"No," Dr. Setchi replied, "you survived the first contraction. They'll get worse."

"Um...all right," said Joji nervously. "So I pretend I'm in early labor?"

"Yes." Dr. Setchi pressed another button.

"OW!" Joji howled dramatically. "What was that one, a 6?!"

"It was a 2, Joji," Dr. Setchi told him. When she wasn't looking, Kurama saw Hiei flap his arms like chicken wings.

"I am not a chicken," Joji hissed, and then—"OOOOOWWWWW! EPIDURAL! EPIDURAL!"

"You're still in early labor!" Dr. Setchi said in astonishment. "That was only a 3!"

"Who cares, get them off me!" Joji cried, peeling the white pads off and running to the back of the room. "I don't want to give birth!"

"As Joji clearly demonstrates, not everyone can take it," Dr. Setchi said snidely. All the pregnant demons in the room were laughing. "Now, Kurama, do you want to try it?"

Kurama wasn't as confident now that he had seen Joji's reactions, but then, Joji was human, and humans tended to be less hardy than humans overall, including a lower pain tolerance. Besides, even if Joji was one of those humans that was stronger than the others, and his reactions weren't as exaggerated as they looked, Kurama had endured a lot of pain himself. Surely, being shocked by a 10 wouldn't be too far of a stretch from, say, getting blown up by bombs, or getting stabbed in the stomach on an inordinate amount of occasions.

"Yes, I do," said Kurama, standing up gracefully. Joji just glared, but Hiei looked proud.

After the white pads had been applied to Kurama, he kneeled on the floor and waited for the contractions to begin, feeling a little nervous.

"Are we going to start at 1?" he asked. "Or do I have to pick up where Joji left off?"

"We can start at 1," Dr. Setchi reassured him. So she pressed the button.

It wasn't so much of a pain, more like just a little twinge. The pain barely hurt at all, so Kurama just shrugged. Dr. Setchi pressed 1 a couple more times, then she proceeded to Level 2. Level 2 definitely had something Kurama would classify as pain, but it was something he could easily ignore. Just a couple of short, stabbing pains here and there…So far, so good. Joji really was weak.

"We'll go into active labor at Stage 5," said Dr. Setchi. "If the pains get bad, Kurama, just remember the breathing exercises. Perhaps you'd like to hold his hand, Hiei?"

"So I'm going to be the dad?" said Hiei, walking over to Kurama.

"I think you might have to be," Kurama told him. Hiei took his hand; in comparison to Kurama's soft, smooth hand, Hiei's was rough and calloused. But Kurama loved it anyway. He knew he had to try not to squeeze too hard.

"The pains will get stronger soon, Kurama," Dr. Setchi informed him. "Just have Hiei time your contractions until we get to active labor in Level 5."

Hiei held Kurama's hand, Dr. Setchi pressed the button, and—

For the first time, Kurama let out a legitimate yelp of pain. That hurt! It certainly wasn't anything he couldn't handle, but it was worse than 2. Kurama looked over at Hiei, who was massaging his bandaged hand.

"Sorry," said Kurama.

"It's okay," Hiei replied, holding Kurama's hand again.

Kurama didn't want to think of what a 10 would be like. He had gone through a lot of pain in his life, but was it possible that this Empathy Birth would be the most painful of all?

Dr. Setchi took Kurama through several fours; the way Kurama got through it was by squeezing Hiei's hand, working on his breathing, and trying to think of something else. The fact that Hiei was there helped a lot. Next up would be level 5…active labor, when Kurama would start to "deliver the baby."

Kurama saw the 5 coming, and he squeezed Hiei's hand as hard as he could without hurting him, but it was so painful. He couldn't help but let out a groan, and he wanted to rip the machine out of Dr. Setchi's hands.

"Remember, you're allowed to make sound, Kurama," Dr. Setchi told him. "And while you're doing your breathing, try to focus on positioning."

"What's that?" Hiei asked.

"Kurama can lean on this table, for example," said Dr. Setchi. As soon as Kurama was leaning over the metal supply table, she shocked him again. It was terrible, but he tried to focus on breathing. Hiei rubbed his back in a comforting way.

"Focusing on my breathing isn't doing anything," Kurama told the doctor.

"Remember—hee, hee, hoo," said Dr. Setchi.

"I know you can do it, Kurama," Hiei added, so Dr. Setchi shocked Kurama with some more fives. He wished he could call out "Epidural" like Joji had, but he couldn't, and it wasn't just because he wanted to win the bet. The real reason Kurama wanted to do this was because Hiei was going to do it for real. The whole point of the Empathy Birth was to feel some of Hiei's pain, wasn't it? If Kurama had the option to bail out when Hiei didn't, how could the fox-demon really feel his husband's pain?

"Don't you have to check for dilation, Dr. Setchi?" Akito called, waving his hand all around in the air. Kurama frowned at him.

"Oh, yes," said Dr. Setchi with a grin. "Hiei, would you grab one of the pillows, please?"

Kurama's abdominal muscles were already sore from his fake contractions, so he yelled out when Dr. Setchi gave him another one. But he couldn't believe it when Hiei pushed him down, grabbed his knees, and spread them apart. The pregnant fire demon put one pillow under Kurama's head, the other under his back.

"Put your hands underneath your thighs, Kurama," Dr. Setchi instructed, so he did. Pretty much all the moms-to-be in the room were laughing themselves silly by now. Sakura looked especially pleased. Dr. Setchi swept the room with a glance and asked her students, "Who knows how many centimeters Kurama needs to be dilated in order to give birth?"

"Ten centimeters!" Akito piped up.

"Good job, Akito," said Dr. Setchi. Hiei let out a little snicker and held Kurama's head in his hands, and the other pregnant demons howled with mirth as Dr. Setchi bent down, put her hands on Kurama's knees, and pretended to check for dilation.

"So what is it?" Kurama asked her. "Ten, I hope…"

"Only five, Kurama," Dr. Setchi replied, shaking her head. "But until your water breaks, you won't get very far."

"Oh no, his water hasn't broken yet?" said Hiei in fake astonishment. "Should we break it, Dr. Setchi?"

"We might have to, if his labor doesn't progress," Dr. Setchi replied, and she promptly gave Kurama another painful shock.

"Ow," Kurama moaned. "What was that for?"

"You can't dilate without contractions," Dr. Setchi informed him. Then she said to the class at large, "If necessary, the waters are broken by sticking an instrument like this through the birth canal and the dilated opening of the womb."

Dr. Setchi held up a slim, metal doctor's tool, high so everyone could see.

"That looks like it hurts," said one of the mothers.

"Compared to the rest of the birth, which is painless," said Sakura sarcastically.

"Breaking the waters actually doesn't hurt," Dr. Setchi told them. "You don't need to worry about that."

"Just wait for my water to break naturally, please," said Kurama, trying to stay calm.

"And it just did!" Dr. Setchi announced, setting a towel down and splashing what looked like a mixture of water and milk all over it. "Your labor should go much quicker now. Contractions will also be much stronger."

Dr. Setchi shocked Kurama again.

"You can do this, Kurama," said Hiei encouragingly. "Breathe in, breathe out."

"All right, Hiei, it's show time." Dr. Setchi handed a baby doll to Hiei. "You've got to be his support person now."

"I'm guessing I have to take this doll out of him, right?" asked Hiei, taking the doll in his arms.

"Exactly," said Dr. Setchi. "And you're forgetting something…"

"What are they forgetting, Dr. Setchi?" Akito called. Kurama saw that he was taking notes.

"This." Dr. Setchi handed Hiei what looked like a skinny pink tube sock, but with the foot part cut off.

"What's that?" said Kurama, knowing he would regret asking this question.

"This is a simulated birth canal," Dr. Setchi explained, placing the doll's head inside the knit sock so that it could barely be seen. "Your task is to get this baby out of the birth canal and into your arms. Then set him on Kurama's chest."

"That's my birth canal?" said Hiei in disbelief. "I'm going to have to push my baby through that?!"

"Everything stretches, Hiei," Dr. Setchi replied. Daichi snorted with laughter.

"I wouldn't have to stretch too much to accommodate you, Daichi," Sakura said nastily, and that shut him up. Hiei winced. Kurama's neck was strained from holding it up to see what was going on, so he put it back down again and tried to ignore his sore abdominal muscles, knowing worse contractions would come soon.

"Don't just sit there, Hiei!" Akito screeched. "Deliver the baby!"

Hiei held the tube sock and doll in between Kurama's legs. He gripped the middle of the tube sock with one hand, and placed his other hand inside it to grab for the doll's head, but Dr. Setchi stopped him.

"Not quite, Hiei," she gently chided, shaking her head. "Would you let someone just stick his hand up you like that? Especially when you were in labor and only five centimeters dilated?"

"Um…probably not," Hiei said sheepishly.

"Right," said Dr. Setchi. "Besides, this is your son. You can't very well just pull him out by his head."

"Well, how do I get him out?"

"You and Kurama just have to work as a team," Dr. Setchi explained. "For your part, you have to encourage him to push the baby out, and you can also massage the opening, gently guiding the baby out, not pulling, which could endanger him."

Kurama hoisted himself up again to see what was going on. Hiei was holding the knit birth canal with two hands. But he fell back downwards with a cry of pain when Dr. Setchi shocked him with a 6.

"Time to put your pain management skills to use," she told him. "Also, remember how to push—as if you were expelling waste."

"Is that why so many mothers soil themselves during labor?" hollered Akito.

"That's exactly why," said Dr. Setchi. "You use the same muscles."

Kurama would have been more disgusted by this, but he was used to it from Akito by now. Dr. Setchi shocked him with yet another 6.

"Can we shock him, Dr. Setchi?" Sakura asked eagerly.

"Hmm…why not?" Dr. Setchi shrugged. "Mothers, you can take turns."

"It's time for him to feel our pain!" Akito's wife declared, standing up. Sakura sauntered to the front of the room, with almost all of the other pregnant demons in her wake. Botan and Touya, to their credit, did not follow. Kurama asked Hiei if he was going to do it, too.

"You know I'd never be able to shock you," Hiei whispered with a grin.

"I don't appreciate the pun, Hiei," said Kurama, but he couldn't help smiling, too.

"Here's the plan, Kurama," said Dr. Setchi. "When you receive a shock, that's what contractions are, all right? Just like real contractions, the pain will get worse as labor progresses. They will also be the times when you push, so make sure you do it the way we practiced, using your abdominal muscles and your pelvic floor."

Then she bent down and showed Hiei how to squeeze the tube sock a little bit every time Kurama received a shock, to mimic what contractions were like, and to give them both a better understanding of what would be happening to Hiei's body during childbirth.

"Remember to breathe, Kurama," said Dr. Setchi. "And you're almost at ten centimeters, so if you feel ready to push, go ahead."

Kurama tried to focus on his patterned breathing. Meanwhile, he had about three minutes to relax while Hiei waited with the doll still shoved deep inside the knit birth canal. But Dr. Setchi gave Kurama another 6 and told Hiei he was having another contraction. That meant it was time for Hiei to squeeze the doll, and for Kurama to push.

"I don't think that was five minutes," Kurama moaned. He didn't want another contraction, and he definitely didn't want to do any "pushing."

"So you think every single break is going to be the same number of minutes?" Dr. Setchi raised an eyebrow. "And don't talk. At this point, you can't talk during your contractions."

Kurama had been trying not to make too much noise like Joji had, but he just couldn't help it. With the exception of Hiei, Botan, and Touya, all the pregnant demons were lined up and giving him sevens. If he had been standing up, he probably wouldn't have been able to walk very well. It wasn't as bad as some of the other things he'd endured, mainly being blown up by Karasu's bombs, but could anything possibly hurt worse than that? And at the end of the day, would he be sorry he asked? As the mothers took care of the contractions, the fathers (especially Akito) were all crowding around, watching and shouting semi-encouraging, semi-irritating words.

"Push, Kurama, push!"

"Your baby's crowning! Keep pushing!"

"Harder, harder!"

"Really push, Kurama!" Dr. Setchi shouted. "Come on, I want to hear some grunting!"

"Why did you do this to me, Hiei?!" Kurama cried.

"You asked for it!" he said back. "Now PUSH!"

Dr. Setchi and the mothers made Kurama suffer more as Hiei tried to maneuver the doll out of the sock as he had been instructed. Kurama was getting so frustrated! Why couldn't Hiei just pull the stupid thing out?

"Here's an eight! Here's an eight!" cried one of the mothers, pressing the button three times in a row. Kurama let out a howl of pain. The sheet of paper said an 8 was equivalent to the gas pains a lactose intolerant person would suffer after drinking two or more consecutive milkshakes, but this was way worse than gas!

"C'mon, push and grunt, Kurama, push and grunt!" Dr. Setchi commanded. "Did you learn nothing in class yesterday? PUSH!"

"All right, all right!" Kurama tried to remember what he'd learned about pushing. Wouldn't it just be great if he had an accident in front of everyone, just as Akito had predicted? Joji would have a good laugh at that…well, until he lost the bet, that is. Just after Kurama had been shocked, he tried to emulate the pushing he had learned yesterday.

"Good job, Kurama," Hiei was heard saying in a quiet voice. "You're doing great."

Over the course of ten minutes, Dr. Setchi caused Kurama's fake-yet-all-too-real contractions to nearly overlap each other so that he never seemed to get a break in between. Akito started to rub Kurama's shoulders, but Kurama knocked his arm away. It seemed Hiei was getting the hang of the doll and the sock; during contractions, the ninshinsu would tense up and relax, so that was what Hiei did with the tube sock every "contraction." Slowly, they were making progress. The mothers simulated the contractions, the fathers cheered them on, and Dr. Setchi handled things like a boss.

Things became a little tricky for Hiei on the next contraction, though. "Oh, shit!"

"What is it?" Kurama squirmed to get up, but Dr. Setchi held him down.

"The doll's arm! It tore the birth canal right open!"

That's got to hurt!" Akito cried.

"Can we—can we have a new one?" Hiei asked, biting his lip.

"Of course not," said Dr. Setchi. "Do you think you're going to be asking for a new birth canal when your baby is born?"

"I think I will be," Hiei said miserably, staring at the hole in the tube sock from the doll's arm.

"Well, you don't get one," Dr. Setchi told him. "Now, let's get on with the birth! Push, Kurama, you're in the middle of a very strong contraction!"

"I AM TORN WIDE OPEN!" Kurama hollered. "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO—AUGH!"

Kurama downright screamed. That had to be a 10!

"Oh my God! There's blood, there's blood everywhere!" Akito screeched.

"There is not blood," Hiei said strictly, glaring at him.

"Well, there would be if this was all real!" Akito protested.

"GET IT OUT, HIEI!" Somebody kept shocking Kurama with a 10, and he didn't appreciate it. "GET—IT—OUT!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Hiei said desperately, and then—"Whew! His head's out."

"Just his head?!"

"The baby's head is the hard part," said Dr. Setchi. "Remember the birth video? The rest is a little easier. It won't be long now."

Kurama pretended to push a few more times; he only got shocked once, with what felt like a 5 or a 6, and when Hiei successfully extracted the doll from the knit birth canal, everyone cheered, just like in the birth video. Hiei placed the doll in Kurama's arms. Dr. Setchi removed the white shock pads and replaced them with a heat compress, which helped soothe the muscle pain somewhat.

"Hey, look, our baby is here," Kurama whispered.

"Well done, Kurama," said Hiei, pulling Kurama up to sit by him. "You had a difficult job."

"You think I had a difficult job?" Kurama smiled and cuddled Hiei a little. "Like I said, you're the one who's doing the real work. All for our family."

"On a better note, it's now time for Joji to have a sip of my meat smoothie," Hiei said wickedly.

"I'm not sure we should do that after all, Hiei," said Kurama. "I mean, he's a jerk, but being a vegan isn't a bad thing in itself. Making him do that is just a little too cruel."

"You said you don't believe in mercy." Hiei smirked. "That wasn't true at all, was it?"

After a little rest, during which Joji was surprisingly ungrateful about the fact that he didn't have to drink the meat smoothie, Dr. Setchi concluded their birthing class with a fun assignment. They were supposed to practice bathing babies, but instead of just using dolls again, Dr. Setchi had them use…

"Puppies!" Botan squealed. "How adorable!"

"Have fun, students," Dr. Setchi told them, beaming.

Kurama was still feeling pretty achy, and he had tied the heat compress around himself to relieve the pain. But he loved animals, especially canines, and they listened to him, even when they weren't trained. Kurama and Hiei got a tiny white ball of fluff named Maggie, so small she could fit in Kurama's hand. She was shaking, obviously scared out of her wits.

"Don't worry, girl, we're not going to hurt you," Kurama said in a soothing voice, stroking her head (which was smaller than his fist) with one finger. "Go on, sit…there's a good girl."

Maggie seemed to relax almost instantly. She wagged her tiny tail and sat down.

"Looks like she's ready," said Hiei, and they started to wash her.

Joji and his wife had been given a wild golden retriever puppy named Goldie, and it was clear that Goldie didn't like baths. He was squirming around, and when he got wet, he shook all over Joji.

"Probably the first bath you've had in a few months, eh, Joji?" Hiei called. Shizuru laughed.

Daichi and Sakura were having issues, too. They had been given a huge Newfoundland puppy, and when the two of them tried to place him in the bathtub, he flipped it over right onto Daichi's head, knocking him onto the floor in the process. Daichi screamed in terror. Sakura was not pleased.

"Get UP, you worthless idiot!" she screeched. "And take that tub off your head! You look ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry," Daichi whined.

Kurama and Hiei went back to bathing Maggie, who was very well-behaved. She looked so skinny when wet, but also cute. Once all the puppies were clean (Goldie and the Newfoundland notwithstanding), class was finally over, and it was time to go home.

"I have things for both mothers and fathers to take away from this," Dr. Setchi said in her conclusion speech. "To the mothers, remember that you don't become a mother the day your baby is born. You grow into motherhood throughout your pregnancy. You learn to become much more nurturing, and you form a close bond with your child. Savor these days.

"And to the fathers," she continued, "research shows that living with someone you love and fathering that person's children can make you a better man—well, a better person," she acknowledged, glancing at Shizuru, the only father who was actually a woman. "You'll be more in tune with what others feel now. Your instincts will be dedicated to the well-being of your children, and the well-being of their mother as well. You'll always feel a need to protect them."

"But we weren't planning for this baby," Daichi said nervously, raising his hand. "I'm not sure how she'll fit into our lives."

"Most parents have that feeling at some point," Dr. Setchi told him. "All of this is normal. Trust me—and I speak to every new parent here—you might not see it right away, but you all have an amazing experience waiting for you. From the very moment the baby is conceived to the moment you meet your first grandchild, every day is full of wonderful surprises. I hope you have learned something about giving birth in these past two days, and about being a parent. I hope the mothers, fathers, and children here are all closer as a result. Class dismissed."