hi hello i fixed season 6 of greys anatomy.

also, to the maybe 5 people who are still out there reading my fics- thank you so much i love u.

Us - James Bay

It's a weird feeling, to feel like the world is crashing around you, to watch everything you think you want and have to taken from you. She reflects about this in this seemingly long elevator ride because this seems to be the theme of her life these days. Everything hurts. Everything. Her head because of this fucking cold. Her heart. Her feelings. Her soul. She literally feels awful in every way.

She is triggered. She doesn't know if she's just overly sensitive about everything at the moment, but she is triggered. And she is also afraid. She's scared because she doesn't know what to do. Because doesn't have a plan B. Because she thought this is where she is going to stay. She thought this hospital was going to be home for the foreseeable future.

When she first agreed to move to Seattle, she thought she was going to move because Owen wanted her. Wanted to be with her. So she agreed. She made up a story in her head. She will go to Seattle. She will see Owen and Owen will tell her he ended it with Beth and they will be together and live happily ever after. They will have children, a dog, white picket fence. But she was just there for his girlfriend, because of course it's never going to be her. No one ever willingly chooses her. So fine, sure, she declares her feelings for him and he says he loves her too, but he chooses someone else. But that's okay she's going to let that go. Because it's fine. At the end of the day he's still around. He's still her friend—kind of. And Cristina…. Cristina is an amazing student. And Cristina is a dream student. She's never been so excited about teaching and mentoring anyone until Cristina came along. So she's going to be fine. She's going to let that go.

She didn't get the guy. But she got this amazing job and now Tom Fucking Evans is in this fucking building and she has a fucking cold and she's fucking up every single thing today under the microscopic eye of the fucking chief of fucking surgery. So she wants to scream and cry because her amazing job could be slipping through her fingers and she has a cold and she doesn't know what to do.

And sure she's dating this guy, who's probably going to get tired of her eventually because she seems to have that effect on people. Even Cristina Yang had already forgotten about her and is following Tom Evans around like a puppy dog.

She's so tired. She's so tired of everything and she's tired of losing and fucking up. She just wants to ride this elevator until she's needed elsewhere because she just…can't anymore. She can't be around people. She can't be around anyone or anything… and these elevators for some weird reason is always empty. And she can't stop her tear ducts from producing tears because damnit she doesn't cry. She can't cry. So she keeps her head down and hides because it's embarrassing to cry. Weak people cry, and damnit it Teddy you are not weak. But she can't help it. Because she's scared and confused and annoyed and mad.

The elevator stops and the doors opens and she keeps her head down because of course, the doors open when she's full-on feeling things.

She looks up and it's Owen.. And of course it will be him because…why not. She feels him lean against the wall with her. And she knows he will be here and he will be kind and he will tell her what she needs to hear because he's … Owen. He's kind and he's loving and he's… empathetic towards her.

"You have a cold" He states, she just avoids looking up at him. "It could have happened to any of us."

That is true. It could have happened to anyone but that's not the point. The point is it happened to her on a day someone is in the hospital being interviewed for her job. Not just anyone though. Tom Evans. Who seems to have charmed everyone. And she's a nobody who doesn't exist and she's new and no one likes her so yeah it could have happened to anyone but it happened to her because she's being karmically punished probably for something she in the past. So she is not in the mood for Owen being nice because she's probably going to lose her job soon and she doesn't know where to go or what to do.

And then there are fucking tears in her eyes and she's crying in front of Owen and it's embarrassing and she just wants to stop existing and just go home and crawl under the sheets and hide from everyone and everything and just let Tom Evans take everything from her. And let Cristina take Owen and her daydreams away from her. And let Owen just move on and live her dreams with Cristina. Because she's tired and she wants to give up and maybe she'll start looking for jobs very far away from the Pacific Northwest.

"Yeah, but it didn't." She manages to say with her wavering voice. Losing every control of her tears and her emotions. "It was me…." And she rambles on because maybe she needs to let it all out to him because he is her best friend and she can vent to him. And she has a fucking cold and the stupid sneeze kept coming at the worst time.

He chuckles at first and she wants to disappears even more because now she's really crying in front of him so she covers her face, ashamed. Because she's crying. Because she failed at her job. Because she's slowly deteriorating in front of everyone in the hospital while her replacement is walking around like he already owns the place.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He says, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Teddy. Hey." And he pulls her into a hug.

She didn't realize how desperately she needed to be held by anyone. Mark holds her, but not like this. Not like he loves her. And she can feel Owen's love for her. She knows he would have chosen her if he didn't love Cristina more. But at this moment, the way Owen is holding her, the way Owen is cradling her head, she knows that she could never love anyone the way she loved Owen, and that Owen loves her just as much as she does. And no one will hold her like this. Not with this kind of love and affection and care. "It's okay." He whispers, soothing her. "You're gonna be okay."

She holds him and cries on him because she doesn't feel pain for a second. And they pull away and she leans her forehead against his and he doesn't pull away. He holds her face instead. For a second she really hopes he kisses her because that will feel good. Because that will help her forget.

She looks into his eyes and he's looking back at her. Still holding her. Still feeling her. And maybe he'll finally pick her. Maybe she has hope that everything will work out to her favor. Maybe it will fix something. Maybe they'll be together instead of just… Owen and his friend Teddy. And maybe things will turn around and that will lead her to get the job and for the cold to magically go away, and every mishap today will be erased from Derek Shepherd's mind.

She is fully aware that she uses affection, okay-sex, to mask any hurt and pain. It's how she's always been. Every time she has a hard case or an emotional case, she runs to the person she knows can help her forget to feel anything else. When she helped Kim Allen die, she ran to Mark, and that was good. That was really good, and it's not the first time that's happened. She realizes there's a pattern, but this? This is not it. This is….Owen. Yes, true, this is masking the hurt and the pain and the confusion because it feels good to feel this close to him. And yes, true, he is in a relationship with her resident and she is …seeing.. Mark Sloan, but…maybe for this moment, in this elevator, maybe there are no rules, no morals, just… maybe… maybe a kiss is something they both need. Maybe a kiss is the right thing to do.

They stare into each others' eyes for what seems like hours, and she can feel her heart pounding and she feels excited and a rush of ….something.

Owen leans even closer and presses his lips against hers. And her heart beats out of her chest and a million thoughts run through her mind. It's all she wanted and at the same time it's all she regrets.

Their pagers go off and they jump away from each other. The elevators open and just like that her day somehow got worse.

She just wants to forget everything that happened today. She wants to forget that she did everything wrong in Derek Shepherd's eyes and that all the judgment calls she did were wrong. Sure, she could blame the cold clouding her judgment or the fact that she was distracted because Owen kissed her.

Owen kissed her. She hasn't had a second to even processed what the fuck happened in that elevator. Like it was some alternate universe. Because as soon as they stepped out of that elevator it was like nothing had happened.

She will not be that girl again.

She's been down this path before and that cannot happen again.

Owen has Cristina. And that kiss, as much as she wanted that to happen, and good as good as that felt, it was wrong. He has Cristina.

And Cristina is… her student and probably the only person who likes to have her around.

She knows he'll stay with her. Of course he will.

Oh god.

She put herself into this mess and she… just wants to forget. Maybe she hallucinated it. Maybe it didn't happen.

But it did. She knows it did. She can still feel her lips tingle.

"Hey! Did you see me in the OR?" Cristina beams at her.

She rolls her eyes because she cannot take any more reminders that Tom Evans is in the vicinity. But she feels bad for rolling her eyes because she did just kiss her boyfriend in the Twilight Zone elevator during the longest elevator ride known mankind.

"You're an idiot." Okay, she didn't mean that but it did come out of her mouth. She said it because Cristina is so blinded by the ritz and glamour of Tom Evans that she doesn't even realize why he's there. Or that she doesn't even realize how this affects her.

"What?" Cristina asks her, confused. She suddenly feels…guilt? For calling her an idiot .. and maybe for kissing her boyfriend because she actually and really likes Cristina.

"You really think that Evans is gonna take you under his award-winning wing? He won't"

It's true. He won't. She may not have any awards but she cares about Cristina. She wants to nurture her talent and she has been enjoying watching her learn and grow.

Which is true. Very true. Her thoughts and feelings about Cristina's talents and career is very separate from how she feels about her being Owen's girlfriend. She can…move past that. Maybe.

But why did Owen kiss her.

Now she fears that that will ruin her relationship with Cristina. Oh god. Maybe they can just forget about it.

Maybe it's fine because Tom Evans will be taking over her job anyway and she will have to leave Seattle and move to.. Mars or Jupiter or something.

"He doesn't need you. He doesn't care about students. He's a rock star, not a teacher." Then she goes on a rant because she's tired of hearing about Tom Evans. The gushing about the rockstar is starting to grind her gears because she's still afraid of losing her job. "I'd be a lot faster without you." She finishes off.

"Teddy, it was one surgery"

"He's here for my job, Cristina" She finally sighs out. And I'm sorry I kissed your boyfriend, she thinks in her head, though that's definitely irrelevant right now but the guilt is nagging on her. "Do you really not get that? So if Evans is in, I'm out. So… You know… Good luck with your new attending."

And walks away to go hide somewhere before Cristina Yang finds out that she actually has feelings and that she actually cries. And that having Tom Evans around is actually hurting her feelings.

She feels incredibly lonely in this town. In this hospital. Yes, she had a temporary contract but it would have been nice if it was just implied that she was going to stay and at least be offered a permanent contract before finding a replacement and inviting Tom Evans to perform surgery.

So that adds to all the terrible feelings of not being wanted and chosen. And god, how is this day not over yet.

This is the longest day of her life. But she's just going to hide until the terrible emotions pass.

"Tell me you're staying" Mark says to her. "Please." Those eyes pleading, she can't resist him. And she knows she wants to drag him out of the hospital and have him resume licking different foods off of her back. They are hot. They are very hot together.

But Owen kissed her. And she can't give Mark what he wants. And she knows deep inside of him she's not who he wants either. So she should just end it now before she gets hurt, because she knows she will.

"I'm staying" She says, leaning against the wall next to him. He sighs in relief. It would be a terrible time to break things off with him today because he is losing his grandchild. So maybe she'll wait one more night. Tonight they can go back to his place and both mask their pain with each other's mouth and body.

"Okay." He says.

"Okay." She says back. But she can't stop thinking about Owen. And Owen's lips. And how her love for Owen goes beyond whatever Sex God Mark Sloan could provide her.

"Do you want to grab a drink?" He asks tiredly.

"Please." She needs it. She needs a lot of it.

"Yeah."

So Mark Sloan takes her hand and leads her to the lounge so they can get out of there and she can drink and forget about her day and maybe Mark will make her forget that Derek Shepherd tried to give her job away, make her forget that Owen kissed her, and she focuses on Mark because she's going to focus in the moment.

Because at least at this moment, she has Mark Sloan.

So she lets him blow her mind in bed after a few drinks. And she's going to do her best not to think about Owen kissing her. Or the fact that she almost lost her job. But most she is not going to think about Owen because she's already wasted so much time of her life thinking about Owen and she can't go back that road again.

"Fuck, Mark" she moans out while she actively thinks about Owen.

She gets to her cottage and sees Owen sitting on her porch. He had to have been waiting there for hours.

"I was looking for you in the hospital. But I figured you'd gone home" He says.

It was wet and damp out and he sat on her porch waiting.

"I, uhm, I was at Mark's" She had literally just been across the hall from his girlfriend, but he's here on her porch.

"I broke up with Cristina"

"What?" She asks as she sits next to him.

"I broke up with Cristina…." He repeats.

She can hear her heartbeat. And her head is spinning. She still smells like Mark. She can taste him in her mouth. But Owen is sitting on her porch telling her he broke up with Cristina.

"Why?" She asks only because she really doesn't know what to say. "I mean, why? And what did you tell her?"

She can't comprehend what's happening because it's so…foreign to her. Is he here because he needs a friend? Is he here because he chose her?

"I did it because I kissed you. And I didn't regret it. I—it felt so good and it's all I could think about. And I had no ounce of regret. I wanted to do it again and again and again but it's not fair to Cristina or to you. So I broke up with Cristina."

"What? Did you tell her you kissed me?"

"I just said that I needed….space and I don't think it's going to work out."

"Owen—"

"I know. I know I put you in a tough position. But I didn't say it was because of you." he says "Cristina and I are.. complicated and we want different things and-"

"She'll know it's because of me." She sighs. She should be happy right? Then why does she feel so much guilt.

"I had to end it with her. And maybe have some time for myself.. and then eventually maybe you and I could be something more in this lifetime. I want to do this the right way. I'm not jumping from Cristina to you. You deserve better than that. But I wanted to end it with Cristina. I needed to end it with her."

"Okay." She says, giving his arm a squeeze.

"And I don't want to ruin what the two of you have. You two have something else. And she loves you. I can't ruin that."

"Okay."

"So Cristina, that's over. You and I? We'll get there."

"But you need to heal.. from Cristina."

"From Cristina. From… Beth. From everyone. Because I want to be with you. And I want to do it properly."

"Okay. Is Cristina okay?"

"She's Cristina. She just appreciated the…civility? There was no drama, just a real conversation."

"Good." She says. "I'm staying, by the way. Derek offered me a contract. Cristina said you put in a good word."

Owen chuckles "She said if I'm going to break up with her, I should at least convince Shepherd to give you a permanent contract. So, I'm glad he did."

She leans her head against his shoulder and he kisses the top of her head. "And I brought you soup. For your cold. I can heat it up."

"Owen—" She says, sighing "Is this real or am I making up stories in my head again?"

"It's real."

"Okay."