CAUTION: Spoils aspects of Innocent Hopes, Twisted Realities, as well as aspects of When Nothing Remains, and aspects of Usurpation of the Darkness through chapter 83.

Seriously, major spoilers here.

Assuming you wish to continue, read on…

Background: Yeah, we had some memory-wiping shenanigans going on in Usurpation of the Darkness, starting in chapter 62. Those memories are gone, they're not recoverable (which is honestly pretty terrifying, but that's not the point), and thus Lily never relives or remembers them. But for my own convenience (and to aid my own less than stellar memory), I did write them in the first draft, and that means they do exist. So here, have some deleted memories.

Neither of these is canon, by the way; they're both from the first draft of the story, and quite a bit has changed since then. While, hypothetically something like either one of these may have happened (and both are actually implied to be segments of lost time in the final version of the story, so we know something goes on), what is actually depicted here may not be correct, either in specifics or in general concept.

And now that I think about it, there's something pleasing in a meta sense about offering false versions of memories that the viewpoint character will never actually remember. The reader doesn't know anything more than what Lily does, even here.

Ember was flying out over the ocean, away from the shore and the apparently no-so-endless forest Lily and Beryl had walked through. Ahead, there was nothing on the horizon but the line between cloud and ocean, getting harder to see as the night went on. The ocean was devoid of No-scaled-not-prey ships, but she knew better than to assume that was normal-

'Another.'

She had been told to expect it, but the voice echoing in her own mind was still a shock. She blinked and shook her head, disoriented.

'Two new.'

'Together.'

'One flightless.'

'One no longer flightless.'

More voices, all different, all speaking at once. She fell prone on Ember's back, unable to handle the lively discussion suddenly impacting her mind. This had to be the guardian, or guardians, or just her own mind suddenly and inexplicably breaking from some unseen strain.

'Focus. I require aid, not discussion,' a female voice in Lily's mind demanded. 'A light wing, one of the pack we know.'

'Let us look into this female,' a soft voice that could have belonged to either gender proclaimed quietly.

This was madness. Lily pawed slowly at her head, wishing it would all just stop. Her mind wasn't made to carry other voices besides her own. What made it worse was that she could not reply in any way, her own voice mental drowned out by their very presence. She couldn't think to herself or form opinions about what was going on. There was absolutely no way to concentrate enough for that.

'I speak for her,' the genderless voice decided. 'Light wing, we know this is uncomfortable. We know you are frightened. Rest assured, I am known for my gentle touch. I can tell your mind is tormented more than most. This will not hurt any more than it must.'

'And I against,' a rough female voice declared. 'I must also see what you are, and my touch is far less gentle.'

'She wishes to pass into the guarded territory,' another voice remarked. 'She gives consent by coming here.'

Lily writhed in agony as two different minds began to delve through her memory, one rough and one soft. Both hurt, the rough far more than the soft, and both did not belong there. That the other, numberless minds receded in the meantime was far too little, too late. It was not physical pain so much as mental, a thousand memories flashing into the front of her mind only to be discarded so fast as to almost not be there. The gentle touch was so fast she barely noticed, but the rough one's touch made the images linger, a whirlwind of every possible emotion striking her at once.

She didn't know how long it lasted. It could be minutes, or hours, or even days. Eventually, the mental anguish they caused abated.

'Speak against her,' the gentle voice requested.

'She is the product of a union between a light wing with no conscience, and a light wing who was led astray and grew to love hurting others,' the rough female voice said, condemning her. 'But that is nothing to what she has done herself. She had to be taught empathy. Her selfish mind did not understand. She went on to kill her own Dam and Sire, and take control of her people. She is capable of damaging the secrecy if motivated to do so. There is a great darkness in her. We should never let this light wing into our domain.'

'I see differently,' the genderless voice quietly objected. 'You speak truth, but not the whole truth. She is damaged, twisted, yes. But she wants nothing but the best for others, to the point of damaging herself for it. Her life is one of selfishness turned to the benefit of all but herself, until recently, and even that is good.'

There was a brief pause.

'But I cannot in good conscience reccomend we allow her to enter as she is,' the genderless voice sighed. 'It is a risk. That darkness is there, and she may succumb to it. Her empathy and compassion are weakly rooted, and may be usurped. She is far more dangerous than any of her subjects, even those with bitterness or twisted ways of thinking. Her mind is sharp and vulnerable to delusion though she thinks it impervious.'

'So we will not let her in,' the rough one concluded soberly, not sounding at all triumphant. 'Though I can see that doing so could destroy her.'

'She made her people her life, and if the other passes through, there will be nobody on the outside to give her another perspective, to force her to move on,' the genderless voice agreed. 'If we reject her, she will die.'

'If we reject her, she will spend what little remains of her life trying to surpass us and gain entrance anyway, to return to her people.' A statement of fact from the rough voice. 'Yet if we accept her, there is a chance she will cause great agony and anguish among her own people, and many others who do not yet know her.'

'So what do you suggest?' the gentle voice asked irritably. 'We agree letting her in is a risk, but we also agree not doing so is condemning her to a heartbroken demise.'

'I suggest we let her in,' was the reply. 'I was to speak against her, and I have done so. But now I feel differently. She is flawed, deeply so, but I see nothing that cannot be banished from her with willpower and support.'

'And I see that you are not wrong, but you hang your hopes by a slim chance. She may lack either when the time comes, if it comes at all, and some actions will drive her past the brink.'

'The brink? She is not near it yet, and we do not see the future. It may never come.'

'She will never be truly happy as she is now, but you are correct.' The gentle, genderless voice sighed heavily. 'I agree. We will let her pass, and enter our domain if she desires. Once she is past our borders, it is up to her whether or not the usurpation of the darkness continues, or is vanquished, or both.'

'Usurpation of the darkness…' the rough voice laughed. 'Funny, you put it like that, given what else we have seen in her mind. Millenia at the job, and you still retain your sense of dark yet hopeful irony.'

'I was not being funny, but I see now what you mean. Maybe it is you who has that sense of irony? I recommend we allow this light wing to pass.'

'As do I,' the rough voice agreed. Both passed out of Lily's mind, only to be replaced by the original female voice that had started this horrific invasion of her mind and memory.

'You have been passed.' The female voice sounded surprised. 'And so has the other. I have never seen such strange minds as these last few moon-cycles have offered. Many firsts, though we have done this for millennia. Our borders open to you.'

There was a slight brush against Lily's memories, and she knew she was forgetting something, and then even that awareness was forgotten-

O-O-O-O-O

"Scouts forward first, don't get lost and don't go too far," Lily called out. "Parents with fledglings, you'll go next. Cara, your group will walk in front of them, for protection. Everyone who isn't a fighter, scout, or guard, help keep the fledglings in line." She was thankful everyone was already more or less on board with the idea of going underground to find a new home; it might have been a nightmare, trying to explain everything now.

Light wings flew ahead, and others began the walk, sorting themselves out with ample help from those Lily had appointed - and Holly. She glared at the other female when her back was turned, suspicion fueling her anger. Holly still needed watching.

But not right now. Lily stalked up to the edge of the pit once more, looking out at the revealed pathway the scouts were landing on. She wondered whether they would have issues scouting ahead on paw, usually their endurance was tested in flight-

'You have not accepted my help.'

Lily did not flinch or freeze, her body refusing to respond to her will. She continued to look out at the pit's depths, giving no physical sign that she was no longer in control of herself.

'You need help. I cannot give it. You are headed down a dark path, in more ways than one.'

She would have shaken her head in denial, were she capable of it. She was leading her pack to safety, that was it. There was no dark path in front of her save for the actual, physically dark one.

'Already, before even going below, suspicion festers, and you push away the ones capable of helping. I cannot see the future, but I have seen enough to know where this goes. A broken, miserable remnant who may or may not be sorry, but has done far too much to ever be forgiven.'

Lily had ceased even trying to struggle, deeming it useless, but she still wanted out of this subtle paralysis, and she dreaded whatever was coming. Her heart would have been racing, were she in control of it, but even that was out of her paws. It thumped steadily, calm and collected. Her ears even shifted with the breeze, and she was sure she looked perfectly normal to anyone watching her.

'Everyone deserves to be shown where they are going before it is too late, but you will not listen to me,' the guardian mused. 'It is as if you are walking toward the edge of a cliff, unable and unwilling to believe you will fall.'

She wanted to screech that she would listen, that she was a rational, intelligent person who was more than capable of learning from others, but she couldn't speak. She couldn't tell the one controlling her that she would listen, that if they had concerns about her they could speak and persuade her. She would listen If she was given a chance to!

'So instead of letting you walk off the cliff, I will push you off a smaller one and hope it does not kill you,' the voice said solemnly. 'It might. I cannot know. Maybe you would not have walked off the real cliff if I did nothing. But for the safety of the place I guard, I must choose the certain, lesser evil.'

Nothing happened. Lily waited for her body to move according to another's will and destroy her, to ruin her reputation or something akin to that, as the voice was clearly implying. But it didn't.

'It is done,' the voice intoned. 'You will not remember, but I have made you susceptible to a rare affliction that will force the issue . It may still doom you. But it might instead give you a lesser fall, so that you can live and learn.'

A moment passed, one of dizziness that she barely comprehended–

She blinked, and the scouts were gone, the last one's tail flicking out of sight as they pressed forward. "I guess I don't need to worry," she rumbled to herself.

The guardian looked down at her, a pale white eye staring sightlessly in her direction. She felt it on her back as she turned to go join her fledglings. Beryl was there, Thaw by his side, and he beckoned for her to walk by them. All was well, they were going to find a safe home, and then…

And then, she would deal with Holly, and find a way to make sure Beryl could stay with her pack, and a way to make it safe to be with him openly, without undermining herself…

Grimmel might have been gone - and she was glad she had taken that chance instead of bowing to the whim of the guardian - but there was still far too much for her to do.

Author's Note: As I said before, these aren't canon. There are vague hints in UotD that something like this might have happened, but nobody except the guardians will ever know for sure what actually happened. Some questions don't need to be answered, just posed and left open.