Thanks again for all your nice comments, I love to read them! :) :) They brighten my days. A short one today. The story is still not really processing, I know. But I tend to lose myself in these emotional moments. So I just gave in. Hope you'll enjoy it anyway!
That night, Peter found no sleep. His thoughts were spinning in circles and his chest felt too tight to breath. Despite the police car in front of his door, he actually was worried about their safety.
He silently pushed back the covers and slipped out of bed. Maybe a beer and a look outside would calm him down.
He passed Neals door, which, as he had instructed, had remained open. The room was dark and quiet and he couldn't see any movement.
When he reached the landing, he quietly bumped against the railing, followed by a stifled scream behind him.
Peter froze on the spot and listened. He couldn't hear anything but turned and went back to take another look in the boy's room.
His eyes had adapted to the dark by now and he could see that the bed in front of him was empty.
Cursing softly, he groped with his hand for the light switch and turned it on.
At first, the bright light blinded him. His pulse quickened as his gaze fell on the rumpled sheets.
Then he perceived a movement and could see Neal sitting tense in a corner of his bed, his eyes wide, watching him horrified.
Peter only now realized that he had been holding his breath. He exhaled in relief.
"It's all right, kiddo, it's just me. I'm sorry I woke you up."
Neal slowly came out of his rigidity. He blinked a few times, then slid back into the middle of the bed, leaning against the headboard.
"You didn't. I wasn't able to sleep.", he admitted in a husky voice and rubbed his temples.
"I thought you were…", he began, but didn't go on, avoiding his gaze.
Peter knew exactly what the kid was thinking.
"Do you want to come downstairs? I could make some tea.", he said gently.
Neal turned to face him warily. Peter noticed how much distrust and fear still lay in his gaze.
"Maybe we can even find some ice cream.", he added.
Neal smiled tiredly, then nodded and without another word, he allowed Peter to help him down the stairs and on the sofa. Peter went to prepare the drinks.
When he came back, a beer in one hand and a steaming hot mug of tea in the other, Neal sat in one corner of the couch, his knees drawn up and he once more stared into space, his look seemed empty. He watched Peter settle down next to him on the sofa.
"Is there someone guarding the house?", he asked quietly.
The agent smiled wryly. "Yes, there are two policemen in front of the house. Don't worry."
Neal nodded and took the hot mug out of the agent's hands.
"Thank you."
They both sat quietly sipping their drinks for a few seconds.
"I used to come down here at night to contact Keller with your wife's phone when I was here for the first time, you know.", Neal admitted and stared convulsively at his cup.
"You…what? You…just called him out of my house with my wife's phone?", Peter unwillingly raised his voice in disbelief.
Neal visibly tensed again, his expression a mixture of desperation and determination.
He nodded.
Peter cursed and stroked his chin. He stood up and recognized how the kid immediatly adopted a defensive posture.
He groaned and took a deep breath.
"Listen, kid, I won't hurt you. No matter what… So, stop looking like a scared puppy… Wait here."
Peter went into the kitchen and took the cell phone from the counter where El, as usual, had left it to charge it.
He went back, sank onto the sofa again and turned the device on.
Neal remained quiet next to him, his face pale, staring at his hands.
"You deleted your calls, didn't you?", Peter stated.
Neal eyed him uncertainly, then nodded again.
"Did you suppress her number?", Peter asked sharply.
Neal blinked a few times, then shrugged.
"I have willingly put you in danger. You should take me back to prison where I belong.", he pressed out.
Peter leaned back on the sofa and raised his eyebrows.
"That's what this is all about, isn't it?", he laughed dryly and leaned forward, to look him in the eyes, whereupon Neal winced.
"But you really used El's phone to contact Keller?", he asked again, a little to harsh.
Neal tensed and was slightly shaking. He nodded again.
"Did you suppress her number?", he asked again, in a firm voice.
Neal hesitated, returned his gaze and sucked in the air sharply, then concentrated back on his knees.
"Of course I did.", he admitted reluctantly.
Peter nodded, took out the sim card and broke it into two parts.
"Just to be on the safe side. I'll take care of this issue tomorrow.", he said, more gently now.
"Would you tell me the number you called?"
Neal placed his head on the sofa backrest, staring at him now.
"You won't bring me back, will you?", he said tiredly.
"No, I won't. But what I want is an answer to my question.", he lapsed into the voice pitch of the agent he was.
"It won't be of any use, he leaves no traces.", Neal replied indifferently.
Peter raised his eyebrows promptingly.
Neal sighted heavily and explained how it worked. Peter took some notes.
"But Peter, there won't even be a restaurant anymore, that's how Keller works. He is an 'all-or-nothing' guy, he does not do things by halves. If you don't want me back in prison, maybe I could stay in one of your holding cells in the FBI building?", he said, his gaze lowered.
Peter groaned again.
"You're a hard piece of work, kiddo. I told you, I'll take care of it. And I suppose I'll come up with something better than a holding cell. Or is this just another attempt to steal from the FBI?"
Neal's head shot up in horror.
"It's not, I promise…", he hurried to say, but relaxed when he saw Peter grinning.
"Don't worry, kid. I won't let that happen anymore. You're under my thumb now."
He paused and watched the young one in front of him attentively.
"How long have you known Keller?", he asked carefully.
Neal returned his look.
"I don't know how much I should tell you… I mean… you know it wasn't just a normal acquaintance.", he replied, sounding insecure.
"Like I said, Neal. I can't let you get away with all you did. But maybe you could open up a bit and I'll banish the agent in me for half an hour or so, what do you think?", Peter said calmly.
Neal nodded reluctantly, paused for a few seconds, then took a deep breath.
"Well… I first met him when I was almost ten. My father had a lean period by then and he made me… he… I had to improve my skills quickly to provide money. One morning, he wasn't satisfied and went berserk. He spanked me badly, then forced me to commit pickpocketing. My right arm felt very sore by then and my fingers weren't as nimble as usual and I felt utterly tired, because I did not have the chance to sleep properly, without a pillow and a blanket. So… I was inattentive, picked the wrong victim, Keller himself. He grabbed me by the collar and dragged me home. I don't really know what he wanted to achieve. Keller went into the flat and started arguing with my dad, but then saw my latest attempts to...", Neal paused, slid around on the spot and cleared his throat. "My attempts to forge that bonds. I know you have them.", he added silently, without looking Peter in the eyes.
"Go on, I'm still not in my agent-mode!", Peter encouraged him.
Neal smiled slightly.
"Maybe I should make the best of it and disappear as long as you are someone else?", he said mockingly.
"Don't you dare!", Peter replied, grinning.
Neal was laughing out loud, and it sounded like music in Peter's ears. Then the kid went serious again.
"Well, Keller liked my work. He made a deal with my dad. After that, I was barely allowed to leave my room for almost two years. I had to complete a lot of orders. At least I had a lot of time to improve my skills…", he paused again, sought Peter's gaze. "You know, when he finally wanted me to join one of his outside operations, it felt like a great relief. Even though I knew by then that this was a swamp I couldn't escape anymore.", he said quietly.
They both sat in silence for a few seconds.
"You didn't even have a proper pillow and blanket?", Peter finally said.
Neal laughed again in disbelief.
"That's what you want to know after all I said?", he chuckled. "It's true, you're really not in your agent mode right now… Uhm, well, a pillow and a blanket were luxury items that I first had to earn. When my dad wasn't satisfied, he took them away. When he liked what I did and had a satisfactory choice of drugs and alcohol, I even got a proper mattress and enough food."
Neal caught Peter's gaze full of horror.
"Don't worry, Peter. When I got older, I knew quite well how to steer him.", he said, smiling.
"That bloody bastard held you like a hostage, his own son", Peter spit out through gritted teeth.
Neal shrugged, feeling uncomfortable now.
"At a certain point, I could have said no.", he admitted quietly, staring down at his hands.
"You were still a child... Did you have a place to go? A friend?"
Neal shrugged again, lifting his eyes.
"Not really a place to go. But there's is someone... and we…", he paused, holding the agent's gaze, a deep sadness in his eyes.
Peter just waited, to give him some space.
"We wanted to flee the city.", he admitted quietly, lowering his eyes. "The heist… I did it to earn enough money and my freedom. Deep down, I knew it wouldn't work. My father and Keller would never have left me alone. They WON'T ever leave me alone. But we wanted to try it anyway. That person…he's the only one in my life I can fully trust. I suppose.…", he mumbled.
He gave Peter a quick glance.
The agent felt a twinge in his heart. He didn't respond for a few seconds.
"I wish that one day you can say the same thing about me. I won't let you down, listen kiddo? Not as an agent, not as a friend. Maybe you could just give it a try."
Neal stared at the carpet in front of him and nodded thoughtfully. Then buried his face in his hands.
"It's not as easy as that, Peter. I think I never learned how to trust. Not that I can remember. Well, maybe when my mom was still with me…And after all... we're on different sides, aren't we?", he sounded very tired by now, but strengthened his back. "But, you know, you have met a very weak version of myself in the last weeks. What happened to me in the past has only made me stronger. I do not need anyone. Loved ones make you weak. And no one is safe in my presence. When all this is over, then we both go our own ways again. I can take care of myself. But I really appreciate what you're offering."
He didn't look at the men next to him.
Peter tried to touch his arm, but Neal pulled it away.
He slid to the edge of the sofa and tried to stand up, while Peter watched his movements.
"I'm very tired Peter. If you don't want to take me somewhere else, could you… maybe help me to reach the bed?", he said resigned.
Peter sighted. "Of course! We could both do with a good night's sleep."
But when Peter finally lay next to Elizabeth again, he didn't sleep a wink.
The next morning, a very tired Peter was already sitting at the table with his steaming coffee cup, when Elizabeth entered the room.
She sat down in front of him with her own mug and raised her brows.
"Had a restless night honey?", she asked gently, putting her hand on his.
Peter smiled.
"What gave me away?", he asked wearily.
"Well, the dark circles under your eyes, to begin with. But Peter, I'm not stupid. I recognize when my husband spends half his night downstairs or at least wide away next to me."
Peter sighted.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, hon."
"Don't be ridiculous Peter. It's not what I meant. I just want to be there for you.", she replied, sounding annoyed and tapped his forehead indignantly with her finger.
Peter smiled again, then started to explain what had happened a few hours before.
After his monologue, it took Elizabeth a moment to respond. She took a deep breath.
"He's a troubled teen, Peter. Maybe even severely disturbed. Unsurprisingly, given what he's been through. Don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely ready to fight for him by your side. But what I want to tell you is that you shouldn't expect too much too soon. Some wounds never heal. You can't change his past. It will always haunt him."
Peter nodded slowly, deep in thoughts.
"Maybe you're right. But I can see that there's more, love. He isn't lost, I refuse to think that.", he replied in a firm voice.
His wife smiled warmly.
"That's my hubby! It's just what he needs now. People who believe in him."
She leaned over and gently kissed his forehead.
"Do you think Neal is right? Is Keller a serious threat to all of us?"
Peter frowned.
"Who knows? He has a large network and fellow criminals who support him. So maybe Neal is right. I definitely don't want to put you in any danger. I thought maybe I could stay in a safe house with Neal for a while. We've got a lot of interrogations ahead of us that I cannot avoid. That way we would be undisturbed and safe. I don't want to do this here anyway. It wouldn't be the right surroundings. But I don't think our interrogation rooms are quite what the kid needs right now. I just want him to feel safe and I want one-to-one time with him. Without a bunch of agents around him. I would still have our house guarded by police officers. He could still assume, that we are here. What do you think?", he took her hand now.
El continued smiling. "I'll miss you both, hon. But it's a brilliant idea. Peter, just remember to turn of the agent mode inside of you from time to time. He's not an ordinary criminal. If you want to teach him to trust you, you have to be there for him. Without judging him."
Peter chuckled. "It's what I did last night, to turn of my agent-mood I mean. But yes, El. I know what you mean. It's a fine line and I just hope to get it right!"
El smiled again and stood up to prepare their breakfast. She went over, to take a look on her phone.
"Oh babe, uhm, I forgot to tell you... we really need to buy a new sim card. I'm so sorry!", he managed to look embarrased.
El raised her brows and laughed.
"At least there's never a dull moment with both of you!", she said, chucklig.