Moonlight

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Thirty-One-Love Hurts

"Alice isn't here." Bella told Jacob as soon she opened the door to find him standing on the other side. "She's gone hunting. And I warned her not to come back here until Charlie comes home."

A look of relief washed over Jacob's face as he stepped inside and engulfed her in a bear hug. In his embrace the world stopped still on its axis. Bella's mind was at peace. She felt his body press in, soft and warm. This was the love she'd waited for, prayed for. She inwardly thanked God and hugged all the tighter. A love like this was to be cherished for life.

When Jacob reached for her face to kiss her, it was like something out of a romantic movie, his kiss was steeped in passion that instantly ignited hers. It was the promise of realness, of the primal desire that lives within. Bella responded equally as passionately, Jacob's full lips were soft and warm, moving in tandem with hers. He gently coaxed them apart, his tongue sliding inside her mouth, eliciting a small moan from Bella at the taste of him. One burning hand slid down her back, his fingertips drawing endless trails all the way.

When they broke apart, Bella noted the serious look on Jacob's face. She tried to slow her breathing as in that moment her insecurity came back for one last bite. "Is everything okay?"

Jacob gazed at her with his trademark warm eyes. "I have something to tell you." He took her hand and linked his fingers through hers and shot her a look that was all love, just the right hint of softness, a crease at the corners of his eyes. "Its no secret how I feel about you, Bella, honey. You know I love you."

Bella tried to suppress a smile at his love declaration. Of course, she knew. But there was something so momentous about hearing him confirm it out loud. Her cheeks were kissed pink as a slow blush bloomed on her skin, she ducked her head, her small smile and shyness coming from her deep emotion…being told she was loved was a beautiful thing, it was something real.

And she was finally ready to reciprocate.

Feeling emboldened, Bella raised her head and looked Jacob right in the eyes as she got ready to admit her own feelings, but the words died on her lips when she saw that his expression had changed. He suddenly looked vulnerable, no longer the confident boy from a moment ago. He was pensive, the warmth in his dark eyes clouded with what she could only describe as fear.

Why would Jacob be afraid?

His sudden switch in mood unbalanced Bella. "Jake?" She whispered uncertainly.

"I have something to tell you." Jacob answered, an echo of what he had said before.

"I thought you already did." Bella felt her heart flutter with anxiety.

Jacob looked in pain. He tightened his hold on her hand. "Let's get out of here."

"Why?" Bella asked flatly.

Jacob tugged on her hand. "Just come." He didn't wait for an answer, instead towing her out of the house toward his car parked on the driveway.

They ended up on the beach again, heading to the same driftwood log that had witnessed so many significant shifts in their relationship. Bella was fighting her nerves the whole way. Jacob hadn't spoken much since they'd left her house, even with his warm hand curled around hers, she felt cold. Something was definitely up, and going by his strange mood, she had a feeling it was something she didn't want to hear.

Bella sat down on the tree, but instead of taking his place beside her, he sat down on the wet, rocky ground. She wondered if that was so he could hide his face more easily. He still kept her hand.

Trying to put off the inevitable, Bella started babbling to fill the heavy silence. "How's Billy? And Sam and Emily? And Embry? And Quil, did he -?"

"Ah, Quil." Jacob sighed.

So, then it must have happened-Quil must have joined the pack.

"I'm sorry." Bella mumbled, hanging her head in defeat.

To her surprise, Jacob snorted. "Don't say that to him."

"What do you mean?"

"Quil's not looking for pity. Just the opposite-he's jazzed. Totally thrilled. After badgering his grandfather relentlessly for answers, the old man finally cracked. He spilled everything."

This made no sense to Bella. All the other wolves had been so depressed at the idea of their friend joining their fate. "I don't get it."

Jacob tilted his head back to look up at her. "Quil was ecstatic when he found out the truth. After Old Quil spilled his guts, he went straight to find me and Embry. He found Embry first and deliberately engineered an argument with him in order to initiate the phase."

"Unbelievable. But that's so Quil." Bella conceded.

"Yeah." Jacob agreed, there was a bitter edge to his voice. "Quil thinks it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to him. Part of it is knowing what's going on. And he's excited to have his friends back-to be part of the 'in crowd.'"

"He likes it?"

"Honestly…most of them do." Jacob admitted slowly. "There are definitely good sides to this-the speed, the freedom, the strength…. the sense of- of family…. Sam and I are the only ones who ever felt really bitter."

Bella sucked in a deep breath, she guessed this was heading somewhere significant, but she was finding it hard to remain patient. "Why are you and Sam different?" She asked, picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of her shirt.

Jacob was quiet for a minute as if considering his answer. Finally, he got off the ground and sat beside Bella, putting his arm around her shoulders. "It's a long story….and…very strange. There are so many strange things about this life. I haven't had time to tell you the half of it…or the courage." His eyes drifted toward the horizon, a grimace forming on his lips. "And this thing with Sam-well, its kind of leading up to what I need to tell you."

His words made Bella's heart ache with worry. He sounded so despairing. She tugged on the loose thread and ended up ripping the stitching entirely, making it all unravel. It was a good metaphor for how she was feeling right now.

"I'm listening." She said stiffly.

Jacob sighed heavily. "Sam had it much harder than the rest of us. Because he was the first, and he was alone, and he didn't have anyone to tell him what was happening. Sam's grandfather died before he was born, and his father has never been around. There was on one there to recognise the signs. The first time it happened-the first time he phased-he thought he'd gone insane. It took him two weeks to calm down enough to change back."

Bella's eyes widened in empathy. "Poor Sam." She murmured as she thought about how horrifying and traumatic his first phase had been. He must have been so terrified and completely shattered by the whole experience. For Bella, it was just another black mark against those who had kept such a life changing secret from their offspring. She kept her thoughts private however, and just let Jacob carry on talking.

"Sam's mother and Leah Clearwater had the forest rangers searching for him, the police. People thought there had been an accident or something…."

Bella tensed as soon as Jacob mentioned Leah. Her heart went out to the oldest Clearwater sibling. Leah must have been so desperate when the man she loved so deeply had gone missing, and now she was tragically left to suffer all alone, wondering why he left her for another girl without a second thought. Bella felt so conflicted about the way Sam had acted that it confused her. Why would he turn his back on someone like Leah for Emily? None of it made sense.

Jacob was still rambling. "Sam and Leah were high school sweethearts." His voice changed, became heavier. "They started dating when she was just a freshman. She was frantic when he disappeared."

"So how does Emily fit into this?" Bella demanded.

Jacob winced. "I'll get to that-its part of the story."

Bella supposed it was silly for her to imagine that love lasted forever. She knew from personal experience that most people fell in and out of love many times in their lives.

"Sam came back." Jacob continued, pulling her attention back onto him. "He wouldn't talk to anyone about where he'd been. Rumours flew-that he was up to no good, mostly. And then Sam happened to run into Quil's grandfather one afternoon when old Quil came over to visit with Mrs Uley. Sam shook his hand and Old Quil just about had a stroke. Sam was running a temperature. His hand felt like he'd left it sitting on a hot stovetop."

"None of this would have happened if you had all been pre-warned." Bella accused.

"I know." Jacob shifted closer, ducking his head so their faces were on the same level. Bella could feel his warm breath on her face. She reached up and tentatively stroked the hot skin of his cheek.

Jacob caught her hand and linked his fingers through hers, smiling sadly as he leaned back and carried on with his story. "Old Quil went straight to the other elders. They were the only ones left who still knew, who remembered. Old Quil, my dad, and Harry had seen their grandfathers make the change. And now Harry's gone."

The sadness in his voice made Bella's heart constrict. She squeezed his fingers in understanding. Jacob's eyes were glistening as he squeezed hers in return.

"When Old Quil explained to the others, they met with Sam secretly and explained. It was easier when he understood-when he wasn't alone anymore. They knew he wouldn't be the only one affected by the Cullens return."-he pronounced their name like a curse- "But on one else was old enough. So, Sam waited for the rest of us to join him…."

"Wait! What?" Bella cut in hastily. "Are you telling me it was the Cullens settling in Forks which triggered the phase."

"Yes." Jacob replied bitterly.

Bella stared at him miserably. Even though the Cullens had arrived in Forks long before she had, it didn't stop her feeling guilty that she was somehow complicit in the upheaval that had followed on the reservation because of their selfish desire to settle in place where they knowingly knew that werewolves had existed before. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologising?" Jacob chided her gently. "This is all on them. I hate them. And so does Sam."

Bella took a deep breath and nodded as she rested her head on his shoulder. Jacob rested his cheek on top of her hair and looked toward the horizon again. His eyes were tight with stress as if he was trying to figure out how to convey the rest of the story.

"I'm coming to the weird part now." He finally said.

"I'm pro at weird." Bella joked lamely.

"Yeah, I guess." Jacob murmured. His hold on her tightened briefly before he resumed talking. "So finally, Sam knew what was going on, and everything was almost okay. In most ways, his life was back to normal, well, not normal. But better." Then he paused, his expression tightened, like something painful was bothering him. "Sam couldn't tell Leah. We aren't supposed to tell anyone who doesn't have to know. And it wasn't safe for him to be around her-but he cheated."

"Just like you." Bella gave him a small smile.

Instead of smiling back at her, Jacob's expression remained downcast. "Leah was furious…."

"Can't say I blame her."

Jacob sighed. "It upset her that Sam wouldn't tell her what was going on-where he'd been, where he went at night, why he was always so exhausted-but they were working on it. They were really trying. They really loved each other."

"If he was so in love, then why…."

"Bella, please." Jacob begged. "Just let me get this out."

"Sorry." Bella mumbled. "Carry on."

Jacob grimaced again. "Leah's cousin, Emily Young, came down from the Makah reservation to visit her one weekend."

Bella exploded with fury. "Emily is Leah's cousin?"

"Second cousins. They were close, though. They were like sisters when they were kids."

"That makes it even worse…horrible. How could Emily betray Leah like that? How could Sam?" Bella rose to her feet, shaking Jacob's arm off her shoulders as she began to pace in front of him. "Damn them both for doing that to Leah!"

"You can't judge them. You haven't got the full story."

Bella's eyes narrowed. "How can you defend the indefensible?"

Jacob was looking desperate now. "Its fucking imprinting."

Bella stopped pacing. "Imprinting?" She repeated the unfamiliar word. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Its one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesn't happen to everyone" Jacob said in a rush. "In fact, it's the rare exception, not the rule. Sam had heard all the stories by then, the stories we all used to think were legends. He'd heard of imprinting, but he never dreamed…."

"For fucks sake, Jacob!" Bella almost screamed at him. "Stop rambling and tell me what it is."

Jacob sucked in a deep breath as his eyes strayed to the ocean. "Sam did love Leah. But when he saw Emily, that didn't matter anymore. Sometimes…we don't know why…we find our mates that way." His eyes flashed back to Bella, his face reddening. "I mean…our soulmates."

"What way? Love at first sight?" Bella didn't bother hiding the sarcasm in her tone.

Jacob slowly rose to his feet, his dark eyes critical of her reaction. "Its not something to sneer at, Bella. Its more powerful than that. More absolute." His voice hardened. "So now you know what happened to Sam to make him hate the vampires as well as himself. He broke Leah's heart. He went back on every promise he ever made her. Every day he has to see the accusation in her eyes, and know that she's right."

"What do you mean every day? When would he see Leah every day?" Bella questioned in confusion. "Do you mean because he's helping with Harry's funeral arrangements, too?"

Jacob stopped talking abruptly and his face flushed.

Bella looked at him and Jacob looked back at her in despair. Slowly the import of what he just told her began to sink in. Her face turned white and she began to shake her head. This was Edward all over again. "Oh my god! I'm Leah, aren't I?"

"What?" Jacob reached for her but Bella backed away from him. "Bella, honey, whatever you're thinking right now. You're wrong."

"Don't touch me!" Bella raged. "I suppose I should be grateful that you had the decency to explain it all to me…. poor Leah was dumped with no explanation. Well, thanks for that much at least. You're free to install your own Emily now I'm out of the picture. Goodbye, Jacob."

Then she was running away. Her emotional circuits were burning out from constant overload, when other avenues for load reduction had been exhausted, running away was all she could do. Running was her only way to feel power in a life where she had none. For in her need to escape her head and heart went to the place that is crushed and without light or match to bring a comforting spark. She could feel the screaming of her lungs and the will of her muscles to go far beyond what exercise could ever demand. Her body and brain were in full survival mode and it was nothing but pain.

Out of nowhere she was tackled to the ground. Jacob's body shielded her from the fall as they both fell onto the sand. She fought him valiantly, her arms and legs thrashing wildly as she tried to escape. But Jacob was in no mood to let her go. He grabbed her wrists, keeping her prisoner as he rose to his feet, pulling her along with him.

"Let go of me!"

"No!"

"I'll scream." Bella threatened.

"Well, I'll just scream louder." Jacob retaliated angrily. "Will you shut up and listen!"

"I've heard enough!"

"I love you, you stupid, stupid girl!" Jacob yelled at her. "You know I do."

"You've imprinted!" Bella accused.

"On you, idiot!" Jacob growled. "Only I didn't know it. Nothing changed for me like it did for Sam. That's why I didn't know. I've loved you my whole life so I couldn't tell the fucking difference."

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.