What do you remember, my poor child?

Pain.

What else?

Dead people. … M… m… many of them.

Oh, Levi. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.

Don't cry, Mamma. Those are only dreams… right? Don't cry!

###

He had been wrong. There was an afterlife - and it was extremely unpleasant.

In death, Levi got to know the kind of pain that demons concocted to torture humans. It laced through him at frequent intervals, always taking him by surprise however much he braced himself. He knew dreams that had him wake up from his own screams that were in fact memories and haunting memories that were just nightmares. There was a place whose emptiness frightened him beyond reason and a place with a straight path that called to him but he didn't dare walk on because it was forbidden. He knew how excruciatingly slow time could flow and how a single second could feel like eons, heavy with the death of entire species.

At times, he forgot who he was. Those were relatively good times. Then he remembered everything that he had lost and was going to lose. That was less good.

When he was not lost or dreaming, Levi tried to appease the demons but they were always angry with him. They demanded to know where "the serum" was hidden. He told them. In truth, he did not know about any serums, but he thought it was some kind of trick question, so his answers became ever more creative, which made the demons ever more angry.

They claimed he had not been taught properly and was worthless to them. The very next moment they claimed they would break the defenses of his bloodline for sure, they were mere seconds away. He begged them to hurry up, he really had nothing to hide from them - but they thought he was lying.

Strangely, Renzo Church was there too. His sneering face gave the suffering an extra touch, quite a strange one, actually: How was Renzo important enough to be part of his personal hell?

"So much fuss about you," Renzo laughed. "Yet so little use. So you're just someone who will do anything they ask of you like a puppet? Shame I didn't get to have you clean my toilet."

That was probably a dream because Levi was unable to reply, his tongue was too heavy in his mouth, like lead. I'll do anything you ask, I'll do anything you ask, I'll do anything for freedom, a voice in his head mocked him.

Often, the demon with Renzo's face tortured him by recounting in gruesome detail how the people he loved had died. His mother, his friends... yes, that was all true, he believed it, he remembered. Another time, Renzo claimed that he had a child, a little girl looking just like her mother, and that that child had died in an epidemic just a few days ago. That couldn't be true. He'd never have children because he… she… she had said that…

Fishing for specific memory-dreams gave him a tremendous headache, it was easier to forget altogether. But… but he remembered. He had said that this fucked up world of theirs was missing out because she could not have children. It made him incredibly sad but it was an emotion that felt clean and real nonetheless, so he grabbed it with both hands and hung on for dear life.

… until Renzo told him at length and in detail how Zoë Hange had died, ripped to pieces by gigantic Titans when she had tried to get close enough to cut off some of their hair. Things slipped from Levi again after that. There was a kind of reprieve in oblivion.

Then there was this other person he knew. Oliver. Who stabbed him with a syringe.

"It's not working anymore, we should stop," Oliver said and blinked stupidly like an owl. Levi realized that Oliver was blinking down at him who was lying on some hard surface and was looking up. More pain afterwards made him forget important details but a part of him continued to feel the hard surface at his back, anchoring him to a place where there was an up and a down and a time that flowed with the beating of his heart.

That was not too long before some sort of panic seized the demons and Levi doubted for the first time whether this really was hell. It did no longer feel like a place outside of time.

"Frieda Reiss is dead," someone with a shaking voice reported. "The whole family, slaughtered!"

"Who was it?" another voice boomed. "Don't tell me it's that other Ackerman, the one who evacuated Frieda before we could get to her? Damn Uri for falling under his spell and protecting him!"

"No, it was not the Ackerman, Sir! But we do not know who took the Founder."

Gibberish, utter gibberish, all of it, but it gave Levi much pleasure that the demons were this upset. It took an effort but he was able to keep his eyes open for the length of their conversation and what he discovered was astounding. He was in a cave of sorts. A dirty cave.

This definitely wasn't hell.

Which probably meant: He wasn't dead.

A face appeared above him. The man's eyes were grey, the hair blond, there was the beginning of a beard, giving him a ragged, haunted looked. The man looked down at him with unsettling intensity. Those were the eyes of a hunter - and Levi was his prey.

"You are the panther?" Levi guessed.

"And you are one tough nut to crack, creep," the Panther snapped. "Everything ever written about your kind is either wrong or you're just too much of an aberration."

He definitely wasn't dead. He was tied down, on a hard surface, he could feel leather straps around his wrists. His feet wouldn't move much either, there were more straps there.

"Kill him," the Panther said to someone beyond Levi's field of vision. "He obviously cannot be controlled, so get rid of him. High time to abort the mission and disappear now that the Warriors have arrived."

"Should we extract more of his blood first? I'm not sure I have enough."

"And how do you expect to carry that all the way back? Forget it, just make sure not to waste any."

"... and what about the serum?"

"Well, we obviously don't have that!" the Panther snapped angrily. "You'll have to make do without!"

Someone in black robes untied him and made him sit up. That didn't go so well. Levi vomited all over the floor when the blood left his head. Gods, he was filthy, it was utterly disgusting. He could barely move though and they had to half drag, half carry him outside. Had he really thought he was dead? What an idiot he was! The stench around him gave it away, he was in the Underground, still in the Underground… always in the Underground. It never let anybody leave, didn't he already know this?

"I'll take care of it," one of his captors told the other, "you can take a break. We deserve a bit of leisure after this shit, right?"

"You really hate him, don't you? All eager to off him, haha," the other man laughed and punched Levi in the stomach before he left.

"Up," the remaining man dragged the gagging Levi up by the fabric of his shirt, "stand on your own goddamn feet, maggot. We don't have much time."

Levi tried to stand but he barely felt his legs.

"I don't understand why he suddenly wants to save you, you worthless piece of shit," the man shook him so hard, Levi almost vomited again. The other man grabbed his hair and pulled his head back roughly, glaring down at him.

"You?" Levi croaked, staring into hard black eyes full of hate.

The Hange head of guards. Ba… Basil. Levi remembered him and a whole lot more, like hating this man right back. If only he had any strength left to actually do something about it. He managed a rude gesture, better than nothing.

Basil swore through his teeth as he dragged him forward mercilessly. So apparently, he wasn't getting killed, at least not right away? Given that fact, Levi tried to get a better grasp on the situation he found himself in. Like… what the fuck had happened to him?

He remembered dying. On a bed of sand and full of regrets.

"Why am I alive?" he asked because that seemed like the one thing that needed clarification the most.

"Good question," Basil pushed him hard against a wall, while waiting for someone's shuffling footsteps to pass them by on the street around the corner. "Apparently, it's because someone wanted to fuck you over hard instead of letting you die. Looks like they managed."

Renzo. And Oliver. And... the Panther. And obviously, Council Hange. Also… Xandra? Surely, Kenny. All of them. All of them?

Nobody stopped them from going up one of the biggest stairs, which was very strange. Each step felt like an achievement. By the time the dark tunnel spat them out onto a bright, empty street in the Inner District, Levi was so out of breath he felt his lungs were about to explode. Without a moment of reprieve, he was ushered into a large carriage pulled by four huge, splendid black horses. As it started moving, Levi suddenly had to grab the red upholstery hard for fear of falling.

Falling into another pit of despair. Where nobody he loved was alive. Where time moved too slowly and every breath brought agony.

He couldn't take more of it. The mere thought was another trip to hell. Maybe this was the afterlife after all? Terror and fear. How could he know what was real and what was not?

"Pull yourself together," Basil snapped from the opposite seat. "Sweet teets of a virgin, you managed to hold on for weeks, so I'm sure you can manage for a few more hours?"

Right. Levi straightened his back and took a deep breath, slowly opening his clenched hands.

Even in hell, Levi wouldn't crumble.

###

Council Hange looked at Levi down his aristocratic nose with a strange mix of curiosity and disgust in silence. The carpet on which he stood with legs that wanted to shake was soft underneath his feet, as if the floor wanted to suck him in, hold him prisoner. They had scrubbed him clean and given him new clothes that smelled of starch and lilac, not unpleasant. They had fed him a broth that was almost but not quite too salty with bone marrow in it. Bone marrow. He had had to ask what it was. He had never eaten that before.

Now he felt marginally better, though his hair was decidedly too long. Besides, after he had undressed, Levi had discovered a long, barely healed scar running from his right hip up to his heart. It discomforted him that he had no clear recollection of how he had received that. It also discomforted him that the gentle hands that had bathed him had brought him to the brink of tears.

"Well done, Basil," Council Hange praised his head of guards that hovered in the corner like an oversized raven and threw him a fat bag of money. "Here's a little extra to spend."

Basil saluted and left the room, skewering Levi with a last dark look. Well. The man had sure been reluctant to help him but that didn't change the fact that he had. Council Hange leaned back against his desk with his arms crossed and continued watching Levi like he expected him to make a scene or break down in tears.

"So…," the Council finally said. "What are you? More clever than all of them or completely useless?"

Levi pressed his lips together. The answer was pretty obvious, wasn't it? He was barely strong enough to stand. He had almost lost his mind. Actually, he was still not sure he hadn't.

"Well," Hange walked around his desk to sit down. "Let's see then. Sit."

Levi lowered himself into the chair at his back and almost groaned with relief. Everything hurt.

"Basil reported what they did to you. Apparently, they did not manage to break you - though it seems to me that they came close."

Levi linked his hands and pressed them together hard to hide their shaking. What had "they" done to him? Torture, a voice whispered. They got you good.

"Here we are again," Council Hange mused, leaning back and looking out of the window. Daylight. Such a thing really existed. "Are you wishing you'd agreed to work for me the first time?"

"Yes," Levi replied though he had only a very hazy recollection of that first time, but agreeing to everything had worked as a strategy during his recent captivity so why not continue with it until he actually understood what was going on.

Mr. Hange snorted but he didn't look amused. "Me too. Well, I tried to stop him from getting his hands on the Founder. But now, Frieda Reiss is dead anyway, the Founder is lost to us. What do you think, should we be grateful you remain alive at least? The perfect weapon. If you have the key."

It was that gibberish again and it threw him into a renewed crisis of dreams overlapping with reality, times long gone invading the brittleness that was here and now. Hardly daring to breathe, Levi waited for his mind to settle.

"Here is what you are going to do, Soldier. You will locate the Founder for me. In secret."

"Yes," Levi agreed, blood pounding in his ears.

"Tybur has left, he's afraid of the Warriors. I don't think he'll give up though. He might come for you or he might try to locate others of your kind, seeing how much you frustrated him."

"Yes," Levi agreed again though he didn't understand a single word of what this man was saying. Founder. Warriors. Frieda Reiss?

"I'm afraid the Warriors might have used the recent chaos to infiltrate us. It is good that I did not manage to disband that little military circus of yours after all."

"Yes."

Council Hange paused and stared at him again, for quite some time.

"So I was right," Hange seemed pleased with himself. "You are ready to collaborate. It's my daughter, isn't it?"

His daughter… a face he had not dared to think of appeared in front of his eyes and... the floor seemed to drop from underneath Levi's feet. He grabbed onto the chair he was sitting on with both hands, stubbornly looking ahead, stubbornly forcing his mind to calm itself.

"Hanji," he whispered.

"Good," Mr. Hange even smiled now. "Then listen carefully, Levi. If you go against my orders, I will have my daughter killed with not a moment of hesitation. The loss of the one you imprinted on will end you, you understand? You'll really lose it then."

It had not been years, Basil had snapped at him in that coach, setting his mind to rights with brutal efficiency. It had been a few weeks since his "death". Only weeks. Horrible weeks. Hanji wasn't dead? This man was saying Hanji wasn't dead.

"She is alive?" Levi heard himself ask. He sounded like a child who was about to weep but he had to be sure. Renzo had fucked with his mind.

"Well, yes," Hange frowned.

"I have to see her!" Levi jumped up.

"You will," Hange waved his hand at him, which had Levi sitting back down quickly. Hanji was alive! Would she… would she… detest him for his weakness? He had lost so spectacularly… No. Of course not. But she would be angry, he thought. For this whole… this whole… mess. That was fine. Angry was fine.

"But you will not touch her, you freak," Council Hange growled. "Never again. Do you understand what you are?"

No, he didn't and he was sure his confusion showed on his face.

"An experiment. A soldier programmed to protect the royal bloodline. If there are no royals for you to protect, you imprint on someone else. Someone growing up in the gutter might not know what honor is, but I am happy to tell you: You are bound to protect her with your life. If you fail, you die. If you sully this sacred bond, you will lose her. It's quite simple. Do you understand?"

No, he didn't. But he nodded anyway.

"I think you need convincing," Mr. Hange got up, radiating menace. "Let me make sure that you fully understand."

###

Annika regained consciousness briefly at midday. Maybe it was her impending death that made her compliant, but Erwin did not need to use any pressure to get her to talk.

She had never wanted to play along with Erwin's plans, Annika admitted in a voice so weak it was barely audible. Xandra, Renzo, and Oliver had agreed that Levi needed to disappear completely for his own good. Knowing he would not go along with such a plan, they had not told him about it. What interesting parallels to Erwin's stupid plan, Zoë thought at that point! Why had everybody believed they could dupe him like this? Anyway, Xandra had given him a knife with a hilt that would diffuse a substance when in contact with Levi's sweat. That substance would make it possible for Annika to beat and apparently kill him without truly endangering his life. After his death had been declared - the substance made him appear truly dead for a few hours - the plan was to bring him to a faraway farm somewhere south of Karanese, where Annika would have made sure he healed well. They would then settle on the farm together and be forever safe and happy.

A fucking insane plan, Zoë raged in her head. Did this woman really think Levi would just stay put with her on a fucking farm? Levi! On a farm! With Annika!

But… he had said goodbye to her, hadn't he. And he had read that Irrigation and crop rotation book, so maybe… maybe he had wanted something like this?

Anyway, things had gone spectacularly wrong from the moment Levi's body hit that sand, according to Annika's confession. Renzo and Oliver had betrayed Xandra. Xandra was killed by Renzo's men in the ensuing turmoil, Levi's body disappeared. There were rumors in the Underground about what had happened to him afterwards. All of them were brutal and gruesome.

Zoë didn't want to hear any of it. The hope she had briefly felt was a ridiculous woman's last attempt to make herself believe the man she loved was still alive. The fall from that peak of hope was brutal. She'd get over it. Eventually.

Annika lost consciousness again not long after her revelation. In an attempt at benevolence, Zoë decided to pray for her soul seeing how she hadn't actually been the one to kill Levi.

"Renzo Church wins," Erwin mused when they both stepped from the dying woman's bedside, "I'm glad I never managed to give him the money we got for the necklace. I'll give it back to you."

Zoë shook her head resolutely. "No need, Sir. Spend it on provisions. We have to ride out as soon as possible. Wall Maria has to be retaken!"

"Yes, the government is preparing an operation," Erwin nodded. "A big one. That might take a while."

"Good," Zoë nodded vigorously. "I'm sure we will be paramount in it?"

"Let's see about that," Erwin remarked drily. "I don't trust this truce we have with certain politicians yet. But - I appreciate your offer and we will start stocking up on provisions as you suggest. We need gas for example."

"I'll try to catch a Titan out there with your permission, Sir!"

"That's insane, Squad Leader Hange. But I like it. Do it."

They shared a moment in that corridor, she and Commander Erwin, the beginning of a friendship, no doubt - and she was about to ask him whether he wanted to drink a glass of apple cider in the kitchen with her sometime, thinking someone needed to get him to unwind occasionally, when a bunch of jostling men rushed up the stairs and veered in their direction.

Treibel and Mike shouldering each other out of the way in a constant back and forth, with Moblit, who looked chagrined, close behind.

"Extraordinary," Erwin murmured. "What a bunch of idiots."

"Zoë, you won't believe….!" a slightly out of breath Mike began from several steps away, "who has c…"

"Your father is here!" Treibel cut him off hastily, a miracle he didn't poke his tongue at the glowering Mike, "at the gate!"

"Told you I didn't trust this truce," Erwin murmured, "let's go see what he wants."

Her father leaned leisurely against the stately Hange carriage while tapping a silver walking stick against the cobblestones, seeming totally at ease in his recently polished boots and the expensive tophat. His brown eyes shifted from watching the clouds to her when she stepped outside.

"Zoë," he greeted her drily. "So good of you to see me."

"What do you want?" she snapped at him, feeling a surge or irritation mixed with fear at the sight of that stern, unrelenting face. "We don't have time."

"Commander Erwin," Zoë's father tipped his hat a little at the man right behind her, ignoring her belligerence. "Ah, and there's Theodor! Haven't seen you in a while, boy - How do you like your new position here?"

"Very well, Sir, thanks for asking, Sir," Theodor stammered. He didn't know enough details about what had happened to Zoë in that house - but what he knew was sufficient to tarnish the once splendid opinion of his sister's father-in-law.

"Would you like to come inside?" Erwin offered stiffly. "We're a little crowded with refugees, but I'm sure we can find a cup of tea for you in the kitchen and…"

"Let's not overdo it with the friendliness, Erwin," Mr. Hange chuckled. "I'm here for business and just like you, I have no time to waste. I won't be long."

Erwin nodded and folded his arms, waiting.

"I came to apologize," her father said. "With the fall of Wall Maria, the Survey Corps will stop being a costly nuisance. Your time has finally come. Hence, I do not plan to obstruct your work in the future."

"Appreciated, Sir," was all that Erwin said in response. Classy.

"That's why I brought a little something for you," her father said smoothly, looking directly at Zoë. "As a peace offering."

He clapped his hands. The carriage door was opened at once, and someone was pushed out like a bag of potatoes, falling to the pavement with a dull thud.

That someone was unmistakable.

No.

It couldn't be.

Yes.

It was. It was Levi. Levi, unconscious, but Levi.

Impossible!

"What have you done to him!" Zoë sobbed, rushing to kneel at Levi's side, her hands shaking so violently, she could barely lift his head. Alive. Breathing. Thank you. Thank you, gods above. Thank you.

"Me?" her father shrugged. "Nothing."

Unhurt. Levi was unhurt but so very pale, his face tense defiant.

"It's not his body. It's his mind," her father tipped against his temple with two fingers. "Here, not for the faint of heart…," he put his hand inside his overcoat and pulled out a bundle of documents. "My man who infiltrated the enemy wrote down what they did to him. Who wants it?" He offered the documents to Erwin.

"Who is 'they'?" Erwin asked quietly, taking them.

"Enemies of the Crown," her father replied darkly. "Criminals who are after our biggest treasure. Terrorists. They tried to recruit Levi to their cause. Luckily, they failed to break him."

"Break him?"

"Find out about it yourselves," her father huffed and reached up to climb into the carriage. "I saved his life and that's enough. Goodbye. Ah…," he turned around one last time. "Make sure to read my message to you, dearest daughter. It's at the very end."

###

They put Levi into an unused room, piling enough blankets on top of him to warm a corpse. Nonetheless, his hands remained stubbornly cold. They forced fluids into him with a spoon, broth, tea, water. He swallowed obediently. But he didn't wake up. Not after four hours. Not after eight. Not after twelve and not after twenty-four.

The news of his return spread like a wildfire. Every single Survey Corps member wanted to see with their own eyes that humanity's strongest soldier had really returned from the dead, crowding the corridor like anxious mothers in front of their favorite child's sick room. After reading the notes from Council Hange, the doctor was adamant though that the patient needed absolute quiet and allowed nobody to enter. Nobody but Zoë and Erwin.

"Are you sure you want to read this?" Erwin had asked Zoë before handing the notes to her.

Zoë had nodded. It was her duty as a scientist. And her duty as someone who cared for Levi very deeply. Even it that report of horrendous torture made her throat constrict with anger, pity, and a desperate wish to protect Levi from any future harm. The log that Basil had copied was meticulous: dosages, substances, schedules, effects… she didn't understand half of it but knew she would have to investigate further in her lab. It was proof that Levi's existence bore a secret that was important enough to sacrifice innocent human life. Hundreds of people were dead. Only to capture him.

Basil had witnessed the experiments from the start, it seemed. An infiltration, her father had called it. In other words, he had known that Levi was in captivity but hadn't intervened. Of course not: Her father was a master in sitting back and waiting for the most opportune moment to strike at his opponents. Or his own family. Or anyone who could be of use.

"Zoë," he had written at the very end of the document, in small, deliberate letters, "you will without a doubt investigate this man's capabilities. That is good. I will not tell you what I know - because you are all about the challenge - only this much: His kind was bred hundreds of years ago to protect the royal bloodline with single-minded determination. Left without instructions from his forefathers yet having to follow his blood's calling, he seems to have imprinted on you. That serves me well: He'll do anything to protect you. Treat him as a most loyal watch-dog. But that is the end of it: Whatever you believe he feels, it is not real. It is how he was programmed. He understands this, as you will be able to assure herself. Keep safe, always. Your Father."

She hated him with all her heart, more than ever. For all he had done. For all he would do. For these words to her. She hoped he was lying. She feared he wasn't. She told herself it didn't matter. That all she cared about was to have Levi back, alive. To have him ride out with them and kill Titans, because it was what mattered to him the most, like it had to matter to her the most. She had seen the light in his eyes after a kill, the exhilaration of someone who had found his purpose and lived for it. They needed him, humanity needed him, the Survey Corps needed him. What she needed was negligible.

If she didn't spend time at his bedside, Zoë was in her lab, mixing substances, trying to understand what meaning was hidden in the notes. It was a complete failure. She did not have access to half of the stock Oliver had had at his disposal. His lab, it was reported to her, was empty, the equipment destroyed. The man himself had not been seen in weeks. He was probably no longer in the Underground - but she was certain it was him who had designed and performed the experiments on Levi.

She hardly slept. Sometimes, Moblit forced food into her but he always tiptoed around her like he was afraid she could lose it any second.

But she held it together. Because Levi was alive and he needed her more than ever.

And then, after six full days of sleeping like a dead man, Levi opened his eyes. It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly while she sat by his side holding his cold hand that Zoë simply stared at him, at a loss for words. His dark gray eyes went to her face but showed no sign of recognition at first. Then, he frowned.

"Levi," Zoë said, finding her tongue after clearing her throat nervously. "It's me. Zoë. Zoë Hange. You're at the headquarters in Stohess. The… Survey Corps headquarters? How are you feeling? Does it hurt anywhere?"

Gods, she was babbling. He needed quiet, the doctor had said. She shut her mouth and removed her hand from his because… no. She put it back and pressed it. He flexed his fingers underneath hers, once, twice.

"You're alive," he croaked.

"Yes, of course I am," she grabbed a bottle from the bedside table and lifted his head so he could drink. "Of course. I was never in danger."

He kept looking at her, like something puzzled him.

Oh god, there was an awful lot of pressure behind her eyes. She was going to cry.

"Oh, Levi," she said and leaned forward to press her face against his neck, inhaling deeply, "oh, Levi. I thought I'd lost you."

He lay very still, only the soft rise and fall of his chest giving away that he was alive and breathing. But he was no longer too cold. His body was warm, hot even. She wanted… she wanted to feel his skin against hers, to renew their bond, to assure herself that what she had felt was real. She wanted to so very much - but she knew she could not.

"Did we… did we have a daughter?" it was whispered so quietly she almost couldn't hear. "Did she die?"

She lifted her head in astonishment. "What? No! I can't have children, didn't I tell you? And you were only gone for a few weeks."

Horrible weeks. Oh gods. The terror of it wanted to seize her.

"Ah," he murmured, reminding her he was here, really here, "yes, of course. What… what year is it?"

"845, Levi," she said. And Wall Maria has fallen. But that news could wait. Annika is battling death in the room next to yours. That news too. "Someone tortured you. Severely. No wonder you're a little confused. You'll remember everything soon though."

"I don't want to remember," he said darkly.

"But the doctor said that you…"

"I will be fine," he struggled into an upright position, his hair falling into his eyes before he shook it off, and she quickly arranged the pillows at his back so he was more comfortable. "I'm just… I guess I'm hungry."

"Oh," Zoë jumped up. "I will…"

"Wait."

She froze, staring into his eyes that held a sudden hot intensity.

"I'm…," Levi cleared his throat and looked away towards the wall. "I'm… I'm very sorry, Hanji. I messed up."

"What?" she sat down again and grabbed his hand but he pulled it away. "Why do you say that? They plotted all this to get their hands on you, Levi!"

"I should have stopped them."

"Impossible! How! Don't be stupid and blame yourself!"

He took a very deep breath. "I messed up with you."

The tears that began dripping down his cheeks shocked her into silence. She hugged his shoulders, once again putting her face at his neck, feeling her own tears well up.

"Don't…," she sobbed. "Please don't say anything."

His arms came up to hug her back and he held her very tight, his tears dampening her cheek.

"I'm so very sorry, Hanji. I really… I really wanted to be with you even when I knew it wasn't possible."

Don't give up like this! She wanted to shout at him, but she had no right and she would never ever put pressure on him, however much it hurt her to get him back and lose him at the same time. So she nodded, stroking his hair, nuzzling his ear. It is how he was programmed. He understands this, as you will be able to assure herself. He had to be feeling awful.

"I will help you," she promised solemnly. "You're not alone."

"You owe me nothing," he breathed in deeply, his voice quivering.

"But you're humanity's strongest soldier - and I'm humanity's most promising scientist. We go together like the moon and the stars, don't you see?"

"Please, Hanji…," he gently disengaged himself from her. "I'm not… it's going to be very hard not to…"

… love you?

But he didn't finish his sentence, and of course he had not wanted to say that, it was just wishful thinking. If her father was right, that had never been part of the deal. A protective impulse, so strong he would do anything to protect her. It was an honor to be chosen. And she would be fine with it. Eventually. Anything was better than living without Levi.

"Alright," she said and brought some distance between them bravely, taking off her glasses to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. "Enough of this. You need to rest some more."

As she looked at him on that bed, she couldn't help herself, she had to brush his hair back again. It wouldn't stay put.

"It's too long," he remarked.

"Yes," she grinned. "Do you want me to cut it?"

"Would you?"

The way he said it, a little breathless and little needy, made her stomach flutter. Okay, yes. Admittedly, this would be hard.

He sat down on a chair and she readied scissors and a razor from the doctor's kit in the corner.

"Have you cut hair before?" he asked with a deep frown when she took up the scissors and snipped the empty air a few times.

"Plenty," she lied.

For her first time, it turned out quite alright. Levi claimed he hated it and he would wear a hat until it was grown back - but he didn't.

They would be alright, she thought that night when Levi joined them in the mess hall and everybody cheered until they were half-deaf. He was alive. He was here.

It had to be enough.

###

We sometimes dream about things that were true, my child, true in another time. It's different for other people.

Why, Mamma?

Someone made us like this.

Was it God?

Ah, some would probably call him that, but in truth, he was just a man. But now sleep, Levi. You must forget about these things. It's not safe.

Not safe, Mamma?

Sleep now, child. Forget. Promise me, Levi. Promise me. Forget.