Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia
The sound of bullets being fired broke the previous silence that rested over the area. Australia could taste the thick haze of gun powder and dust that settled around him and now stained his uniform, one that he didn't think he'd be wearing again. He was lying on the ground, he didn't care that his uniform was going to get dirty, after all how it could it get any worse? He was perfectly concealed in some low lying shrubs. He aimed his rifle through the branches; the tension mounting with every passing second.
Target locked.
However, within the split second it took for him to pull the trigger, the enemy turned its head at the sound and bolted away.
"Bloody overgrown chickens," Australia cussed under his breath.
He stood up to watch as the small group of emus ran in the other direction. Seriously, it was like they were always one step ahead of him. The war had been going on for weeks and they were getting hardly anywhere!
He raised his rifle again to try and take aim at the retreating bird, but he was interrupted by the sound of his human name being called. He sighed as he lowered the weapon, he started to make his way over to the officer that requested his presence at the main tent.
He remembered when his boss had first approached him, asking for help in a small conflict. Australia's first reaction was alarm, had another war in Europe broken out? He's not up to date with their politics because he lives so far away but surely, he would have heard from his dad or America if war was erupting again. His boss had quickly calmed down his fears and explained that the situation was a little closer to home. The farmers had been having trouble with some of the local wildlife, they had seemed to explode in population and was now a threat to crops. His boss had suggested to send a small army to help resolve the situation, he said that it would be good for some of the returned soldiers from the Great War.
At first Australia had thought leading an army to help take on an animal overpopulation was a bit extreme, not to mention he felt appalled at the thought of killing any of his animals. But once he found out what animal it was, he jumped on board quicker than a joey straight out of its mother's pouch. He had a history with Emus, a long running feud with them if you will. Australia liked to think of himself as an animal lover and loved every single one of his animals. But ever since he could remember the emus had it out for him. He had no idea why they were or what he did to make them hate him so much, but he'd rather take on a hoard of crocodiles than a flock of emus.
When he was little and way before he had met England, Emus had often tried to attack him or go out of their way to annoy him. He could remember clear as day when he swore one had tried to kill him! He had been sitting on a small ledge overlooking a creek watching some baby crocs swimming and trying to snatch up a few insects that flew too close to the water. He was unaware of the Emu that had wandered over to him, until he felt something firm nudge against his back, he had lost balance and toppled into the water in an ungraceful belly flop. Luckily the baby crocodiles had swam away before he could land on them, but the mother croc sure wasn't happy with him scaring them, even though it was accidental. Which resulted in him having to swim back to the rocky shore before the mother caught up with him.
From that day on he's never been on good terms with the birds. But he did try to warn them! The day after his boss had told him what was happening he went out to where the battle would take place. He had approached one of the large birds, it's black and beady eyes seemed to lock onto his and stare directly into the nation's soul. He remembered telling the birds that they should probably clear out so they don't get killed. Unfortunately he had been too caught up with trying to explain the situation to the bird that seemed to be listening to him intently, that he didn't see the other two birds that flanked his sides and proceeded to peck and nip at his arms and body.
And that's how he ended up here. So to Australia, this fight was personal.
He pushed aside the flap of the tent as he entered the main area that he and the others would discuss the next strategy. The small area reminded him of the tent that he would often see England and some other of the older nations sitting around a map and battle plans from the western front. It felt strange that he was now one of the ones that were leading this 'war', as during the world war England had handled all of the finer details due to being head of the Empire. But England did not know about this war, and Australia hoped that his dad or no one else for that matter found out.
Because unfortunately for him, the war wasn't exactly going in his favour.
"What do you mean we're calling a retreat?! How the fuck are we loosing to a bunch of birds?" Australia exclaimed to one of the officers. His boss had placed him among those in charge of the battle, he thought his fighting experience and his feud with the animals could play to their advantage.
"I-I'm sorry sir! But we are running low on ammunition and the Emu's are tougher than they look, we've only been able to take down a few if that."
Australia pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. He could not believe this was happening. How could they be losing to a bunch of birds!
"The birds are tougher that they appeared, if we had a military division with the capacity like those birds the war would have gone much differently." Another office commented.
Australia resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the comment, he knew exactly how it would have gone if he did send a flock of Emu's onto the battlefields, or well, he knew how the other nations would then look at him if he did, probably as if he was insane.
The other military officers in the tent sighed, clearly, they were unhappy and just as bewildered at the outcome that Australia was.
"Well, by Wednesday we should have all of the troops packed up and moved out-,"
What? Did he just say Wednesday?
"What day is it today?" Australia asked in a somewhat hurried manner.
"Tuesday," Was the reply from the officer.
Australia looked at his watch and cursed, "Shit,"
He was going to be late. He had to host the world meeting in an hour, because for some reason they all thought that having the world meeting in country where it's currently summer to escape their own bitter cold winter seemed like a good idea. Only a handful of nations were against the idea, they knew that Australian summers tended to be much hotter than the summers that they were used to. The meeting was supposed to stretch over two days, after the war a depression had settled around the world, so everyone was trying to scramble in order to fix the current economic crisis.
"Listen mates, I've gotta run but good luck with the retreat," Australia called out from over his shoulder as he hurried out of the tent, not listening to their protests of him leaving the meeting early.
XxxxXxxx
Australia arrived at the building the meeting was being held at, he was ten minutes late, of course he could argue that he was only ten minutes late, it could have been longer had he not realised the time earlier. He could see the others standing around waiting for him to arrive to unlock the room, he cringed when he realised that he hadn't changed his clothes, they were still covered in dust and dirt and no where near the formal dress code. He was sure that England would add that to his list of lectures that he'd get today, right after the one about his less than desired punctuality, that was one of the lectures that he had memorised since he was an ankle biter.
He quickly walked over to the door, keeping his head ducked to ignore all of the looks that the others were giving him. He mumbled out a small apology for being late as he fumbled around in his pockets to retrieve the key to unlock the room. He didn't have to look to know the impatient expressions on the older nation's faces, and who could really blame them for having to wait outside in the hot sun.
"Sorry? Is that all you have to say?" England began to scold the young nation, "We have been waiting out here in this bloody heat for thirty minutes. Where were you? Don't you know it is impolite to keep others waiting?"
Well if the others didn't insist on arriving so early to a meeting then they wouldn't have to wait outside longer than necessary. Of course, Australia didn't voice that opinion, did he look like he had a death wish?
"Look I'm really sorry, but I was busy with something else," Australia hoped they would just leave it at that. He really didn't want to have to explain what he was actually busy with, he'd never be able to live it down. Not that it was likely they'd believe him anyway.
He unlocked the doors and flicked the fans on, much to the relief and delight of the other nations that weren't accustomed to his heat. At least Australia knew one thing was for sure, he didn't think he'd be hosting any more conferences in the summer.
"Well whatever it was, it could have waited," Germany stated in a firm tone, "We are now behind schedule with the meeting."
After the war the others were a bit apprehensive to allow Germany to lead the meetings, however they all realised that without him keeping them all on track the meeting would often get side-tracked and then nothing would get accomplished. Australia and New Zealand had never been allowed to attend the world meetings before, until they became recognised of course, and they soon found out just how boring they really were. Honestly, it was like entering a whole new battlefield if you got the right nation riled up.
Australia just offered an apologetic smile as he sat down in his chair next to New Zealand. Germany finally began speaking and Australia let out a breath, finally giving himself a moment of rest from all the rushing to get to the meeting from the 'battlefield'. Beside him, Australia completely missed the smug smirk that played on New Zealand's face, a mischievous light gleamed in the Kiwi's eyes. He knew exactly what was happening with the older Oceanic nation, and he was absolutely living for it.
"Hey bro, it's been a while since I've heard from you," New Zealand whispered, effectively gaining his brother's attention, "Anything new going on with you?"
Truthfully, when New Zealand had leaned over the slightest to whisper to him Australia had been glad for the distraction from whatever Germany was saying. He tore his gaze away to look over at his younger brother.
He really wished that he hadn't. His face paled considerably when he caught sight of the smirk on New Zealand's face. It was in that moment that a horrified Australia realised that New Zealand knew exactly what kept him busy that morning. He didn't know how the little sheep shagger found out, but he did. Australia's horrified expression twisted into a heated glare directed at New Zealand. His brother really was a little shit, no one really seemed to believe him because around others New Zealand was always the polite and responsible one, but in truth he could be just like Australia when he wanted to be.
"What do I have to do for to keep your mouth shut?" Australia practically growled, making sure to keep his voice no louder than a whisper. Whatever New Zealand wanted him to do he would do it, there was no way he wanted the other nations to find out the truth. Besides, how bad could it be? Cleaning his house for a week? Shearing his thousands of pet sheep with nothing but a pair of scissors? It was nothing he hadn't done before due to a lost bet.
New Zealand chewed his bottom lip deep in thought, even though he already knew what he wanted in exchange for his silence, it would be funny to see Australia stew for a bit. His green eyes sparkled with self-satisfaction.
"You need to admit out loud to every nation that pavlova came from me first," New Zealand replied with a cunning grin.
"What?! No bloody wa-" Australia cried out, completely forgetting to keep his voice down. The other nations turned to him at his sudden disturbance to the meeting.
Australia realised his mistake instantly and his face flushed crimson at now everyone's eyes drawn onto him. New Zealand tried his best to hide the laughter from his face.
"I didn't realise that you found the stock market crash so thrilling Australia," Germany raised an eyebrow at the interruption, "Care to add anything?"
"Nah I'm good," Australia nervously smiled, "I-I was just really getting into what you were saying, ya know? Who knew stock markets could be so…interesting?"
England couldn't help but let out a tired sigh, it was too early in the day to deal with this. He suddenly missed the days when his two sons weren't allowed to attend the world meetings.
Germany seemed unconvinced, "Yes well, if there are no more distractions, ve will continue."
Australia just smiled whilst the others took their attention away from him and listened back at Germany's speech.
Australia let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulder's melting away now that he escaped the scrutiny of the room. He turned back to New Zealand and made sure his voice came out no higher than a whisper.
"You've completely lost it if you think I'm going to lie and say that you invented pavlova first."
"There's no lie about it, I am the one that invented it first," New Zealand replied, "Last chance or I will tell everyone."
Australia narrowed his eyes and said in a steely voice, "You wouldn't dare."
Of course, he should have known, his brother always rises up to a challenge if it's against his big brother.
"Say Aus," New Zealand grinned even further when the other nations sighed at the newest interruption and turned their attention back to him and Australia. They just wanted the meeting to be over already.
New Zealand ignored the panicked look that flashed in his brother's eyes as he also took no notice of the swift and hard kick to his shin that Australia had sent his way from under the table, "How'd that war of yours end up going?"
If they weren't already looking at him, they were now. Australia just wanted to ground to open up and swallow him whole. That three-letter word was still a very touchy subject with every nation, after the world war everyone was breathing down each other's neck wanting to know everyone else's business. So at the mention of another nation being at war again made everyone else a little on edge, and Australia could understand, no one wanted another war on the scale that the last one was on. Australia just groaned and buried his head into his hands, his face already burning with embarrassment.
As predicted, the others became on high alert, even Germany stopped talking. The fact that one of their own was at war was a startling concept, even more so since they seemed to have no idea what was happening until now. Surely, they would have heard their bosses mention it, hell it would have even been in the newspapers.
England was the first to recover from the shock, "What war are you involved in?"
He would have been told if his empire, one of his sons, was at war with another nation. Even if a civil war had erupted, he would have been among the first to be told.
Australia turned to New Zealand first, a glare set on his face and warned, "You better shut your mouth, or there won't be a mouth to shut later."
He then leaned over to look at England, "It's nothing, you don't need to worry about it! It's barely a war!"
"That's not what I heard," New Zealand couldn't stop the smile, "How does thousands of rounds of ammunition and a small army ordered by your highest military official, not constitute as a war?"
"You are not helping!" Australia hissed in New Zealand's direction.
"Dude, could one of you just explain what is going on?" America asked. He was concerned for his friend; he and Australia became close during the war. But New Zealand was more focused on trying to embarrass his big brother further.
"I still can't believe your army had to call a full retreat," New Zealand started to laugh, "Sure they outnumbered you, but seriously?"
Australia sighed and rolled his eyes as New Zealand's laughter grew louder, and his own face grew more red from the disaster that was unfolding.
"It wasn't my fault, they're tougher than they look." Australia muttered angrily.
At this point the other nations were a mix of emotions. Worry, confusion and impatience circulated around the room. While they were angry that Australia had neglected telling them this little fact, they were even more bewildered at why New Zealand was pretty much dying from laughter.
Australia turned to his still-laughing brother with a glare, "Are you done? You know, It's not that funny."
"It's bloody hilarious if you ask me!"
"Who the bloody hell are you fighting? And why was I never told?!" England demanded to know. Some of the nation's began to grow worried, some of them remembered fighting alongside Australia in the world war, so for something to make him issue a full-scale retreat was unheard of.
"Is that what you meant, when you said you were busy with something else?" France asked, recalling when Australia had arrived late to the meeting, dressed in less than formal attire.
Australia just sighed in defeat, well they may as well know now, "Yes, I had just arrived back from there. It's not as bad as you think, so stop freaking out."
"How is any war 'not as bad as you think'?" England exclaimed, "Who were you fighting?"
Australia cringed and tried to drag out his explanation so he had time to find the best approach, "It's not really a war in the conventional sense."
"Would you just spit it out already!" England's patience was wearing dangerously thin. Luckily, Australia was spared from having to explain what he meant, as New Zealand had beat him to it. The Kiwi nation had seemingly calmed down enough from his laughter to speak clearly.
"He was never in a war against another nation!" New Zealand explained, laughter still evident in his eyes, "His government declared war on his Emu's!"
A confused silence echoed throughout the room, the only noise was New Zealand's laughter. Australia's felt his face burn hotter than any sweltering summer day.
But New Zealand didn't stop there. No, he just had to dig Australia a deeper hole in the already massive pit of embarrassment he was in.
"You wanna know the best part?! He lost! Australia actually lost the war to a bunch of Emus!"
England was the first to react as he knew immediately what they were talking about. He practically face-palmed, as his own shame started to bubble within, he had raised these two. Why couldn't at least one of the nations he raised turn out normal, he must be cursed, that was the only reason he saw that was even remotely plausible. The other nations still sat in a confused silence, most had never heard about an Emu. They weren't even sure what it was?
"Dude what the hell are you talking about?" America finally asked, "What's an…Emu? Is that like a top secret code for something?"
Australia just wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
"It's a bird!" New Zealand spoke through fits of laughter.
Australia turned his gaze over to New Zealand as he glared, "It's not just a bird! It's a very large bird that had tried to kill me! Several times!"
By this time, several other nations started to chuckle at the whole absurdity of it all, whilst some merely raised their eyebrows in question and utter disbelief. An immortal nation that just survived a world war had lost to bunch of birds.
"Come on dude! Birds? That's where you draw the line? The totally venomous spiders, snakes and that demonic koala of yours, you're totally chill with. But you think the birds are dangerous?" America laughed.
Australia's eye just twitched in irritation, clearly they had never encountered an Emu, those things weren't innocent! As much as the other nations probably think he was, he wasn't crazy! He had come quite close to dying so many times because of those bloody overgrown chickens! But if they didn't want to take him seriously, then fine! Let's see how they go one on one with the bloody things. But if there was one thing that Australia was certain of, something that he would swear on his immortal life, was that New Zealand was gonna pay for this! While he's not entirely sure how at the moment, he was so gonna get his devilish brother back for this!
Germany watched the whole scene unfold in front of him, he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt a dull throb in his head, signalling the incoming headache. He had a feeling that they weren't going to get much of the meeting done now.
"And ve lost the war." He muttered to himself as he shook his head. Loosing to a bunch of birds, seriously?
So Sorry that this update took so long! But thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! Reading them always makes me motivated to write. It's always been a headcannon of mine that the only animal of his that Australia hates is Emu's, and they don't particularly like him.
So in early November to December of 1932 the Emu War took place in Australia. The public had a lot of concerns with the overpopulation of Emu's that were destroying farmlands and crops. So after world war one and in the aftermath of the depression, the government had ordered a large number of discharged veterans to use rifles and machine guns to help cull the emu populations near the farms. However, no one was really prepared for just how resilient the emus were, one of the Military Major's that were leading the campaign had said that, 'If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world. They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks.' (Quote was sourced from the Sunday Herald newspaper if any was interested). The number of Emu's killed is kinda unknown because the figure has changed so many times, but the most common answer was that around 980 had been killed with approx. 10,000 rounds of ammunition. The war was claimed a loss as the Australian military called a full withdrawal.
Two more chapters than we begin the more darker world war two chapters! So enjoy the light-heartedness while you can! I believe in one of the reviews for this story, DarkVaporeon 23 had asked if I would be doing any big events other than world war 2 in this story. Sadly I had planned to end the story a little bit after world war 2, because I really didn't want to drag things on too much. However, if anyone wants to see stories about big Australian events then just let me know and I will be happy to take a crack at it! Actually I do have another fanfic called 'Crimson Skies' which is based on the 2019/2020 bushfires, so if you wanted to please check it out!