31 ~ Comfortably Numb

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying

Jackie watched as Steven stared helplessly at Edna's body. Donna stepped forward, maybe to give Steven some physical reassurance, but Jackie held her arm out and shook her head at the rest of them.

She knew Steven better than anyone, and right now she knew he needed to handle this himself. He was crying, which meant they were not to interrupt him unless they wanted to be the victim of an emotionally charged lash out.

She walked over to Steven and sat beside him, in his line of sight but not touching him. Her purpose was simply to remind him she was there. His face was wet, but no new tears were forming. He just stared blankly at his mother's body.

His hand released the clump of grass he had been clutching. He slowly reached out to her, not taking his eyes away from Edna. Jackie took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it gently. Then, she pressed a kiss to his knuckles, not caring that they were slightly bloody.

However he responded to his actions today, Jackie would help him through it. Whether it was grief, guilt, anger or self-hatred, Jackie would help him through it. He needed her, and damn if she wasn't going to be there for him.

After a few minutes, Steven wiped his face with his shirt. "We should bury her."

Jackie did not want to bury Edna. Why should they bury the woman who had terrorized them all and made them suffer so much? Jackie had no answer to that question, but Steven wanted to bury her, so they would bury her.

The fact that he still cared about Edna, after everything she'd done to him, all of her abuse and hatred and the past few weeks amazed her. His capacity for compassion was something truly amazing, something Jackie herself could not compare to.

"Okay," Jackie said quietly, squeezing his hand again. "Whatever you want, love."

"Could I just… Have a moment alone with her?" he asked quietly.

Jackie nodded. "Of course." She pressed one more kiss to his hand and stood up, walking over to the others. "He wants a moment alone."

They all nodded. Fez and Donna helped Kelso up and began to walk toward the forest. Jackie and Eric hung behind a little.

"You think he'll be okay?" Eric asked quietly.

"Eventually. For right now, though… All we can do is support him," Jackie said.

"I'm glad he has you," Eric said.

Jackie smiled at him softly. "Thanks. I'm glad he has you, too."

Eric smiled and put his arm around her shoulders amicably. Together, they walked over to the forest where the others were standing.

Once they rejoined the others, Jackie said, "He said he wanted to bury her."

"Ew, why?" Michael asked.

"No idea. But we're gonna do it." Jackie gave them all a stern look to emphasize her point.

Eric nodded. "For sure. I mean, I'm not excited to dig a giant hole to bury one of the few people I genuinely hate, but I'll do it for him. He just killed his mother. Really, it's the least we can do."

Jackie hummed in agreement. She looked at Steven. He was sitting in the grass, staring at Edna's body. She was worried about him, but she knew he would get through it. He had the five of them to support him.

"We don't have shovels or anything to dig a grave," Fez pointed out.

"We'll figure something out," Jackie said.

Steven stood up and began walking towards them. Eric dropped his arm from her shoulders and slipped it around Donna's waist. Jackie wanted to hold Steven in her arms, but she would let him set his own boundaries today.

Luckily, he went straight to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She hugged him back, gently weaving her fingers through the back of his hair. "I love you," she whispered.

He didn't say it back, just hugged her tighter. After a moment, he took a deep breath and parted from her embrace.

"Jackie said you wanted to bury her?" Eric asked.

"If we can," Steven said. His voice was unusually quiet. Jackie threaded her fingers between his. "It's not really about her deserving to be buried, though. I just… I can't just walk away."

"Well…" Fez said, "maybe instead of burying her, we could lay her in the forest and have a sort of funeral? We don't have shovels."

Steven nodded. "Okay." He removed his hand from hers and walked over to his bag, retrieving his sunglasses and putting them on.

Jackie bit the inside of her lip as a knot formed in her stomach. He was going to hide from his emotions. He was going to leave this issue unresolved for a little while. Jackie didn't want him to shut off again.

He must have noticed her concern, because he said quietly, "Just for today."

Jackie relaxed a little and nodded.

Steven turned to the others. "Who wants to help me carry her?"

Hyde and Forman set Edna's body down between two trees in the forest. Hyde made sure her eyes were closed, then he walked over to Jackie and slipped his arm around her waist. She wrapped her arm around him as well, completing the half-hug.

He took a deep breath. The smell of blood lingered in the fresh forest air. He looked down at Edna. He wanted to say something nice, something that would make this easier, but he came up with nothing.

He couldn't think. His mind kept going back to that moment, that burst of magic that killed her so quickly. And then it was just… over.

Years upon years of abuse was just over. In a few seconds, a few hateful words, it was over. And Hyde had ended it. In one motion, he had ended it.

He took another deep breath as he distanced himself from his emotions. He didn't want to show anything else today. He'd already been so exposed and he couldn't take it anymore. He had to hide, for just a little bit.

"Edna… Edna was a lot of things, and a good mother wasn't one of them. I…" Hyde sighed heavily before continuing, "I think it's better off this way. Wherever you are now, I hope you're not still holding a grudge against me. I hope you found some kind of peace." He looked at his friends. "Anyone else wanna say anything?"

"Can I say something rude?" Forman asked.

Hyde shrugged. "Whatever makes you happy."

Forman nodded and looked at Edna. "Edna was a bitch and I hope she doesn't find peace because of how badly she treated my brother and my friend."

Hyde couldn't help it. He laughed, just a little bit.

"Seconded," Jackie said. "And I'd like to add that I wish I got to yell at her more before she died. And kick her in the shins with my sharp heels a couple times."

Hyde laughed a little more.

"Same," Donna said. "Wish I could have proved her wrong. It's painful to hear someone say so many wrong and stupid things consecutively like that."

Hyde dropped his head onto Jackie's shoulder as he kept laughing. He was so glad to have such supportive friends. Hell, after all this, they were practically his family.

"Thanks, you guys," he said, looking up at them all. "I kinda thought you'd hate me after… y'know, I killed her."

"No way," Jackie said. "It's not your fault at all. And even if it was, you're not, like, some evil murderer. She had it coming. It was self-defense."

"Besides, what kind of friends would we be if we ditched you after all this?" Fez asked.

"Seriously. I didn't die for nothing," Kelso said from where he was seated against a tree.

It felt so good to know that these people, the most important people in the world to Hyde, weren't going to abandon him. Not like his stepfather or his mother. They would stick with him. And he planned on sticking with them.

"You guys are the best," he said. Forman smiled. Hyde gave him a look. "Don't do what I know you're thinking."

"Oh, you can't stop me," Forman said. "It's time for a group hug."

Forman wrapped his arms around Hyde and Jackie. Donna joined in. Fez went to help Kelso up, but Kelso waved him away. Then, he stood up on his own and shakily walked over to the group. Fez helped support him as they joined the hug.

"I take it back. You're the worst," Hyde said, but he was smiling.

"Stop lying, man. We know you love us," Forman said.

Hyde rolled his eyes, but didn't deny it. After several long minutes, Forman broke the hug. "I don't know about you guys, but I'd really rather not be this close to a dead body."

"You hugged Kelso's dead body for like four hours," Donna said, quirking her eyebrow.

"I didn't think Kelso was gonna become a zombie," Forman said. "Duh."

Donna smiled at him and wrapped her arm around him. "Let's get out of here."

"Hell yeah," Hyde said. "I'm done with this place forever. No offense, Fez."

"None taken. I didn't even want to come back here in the first place." Fez put his arm under Kelso's to help him walk out of the forest.

Hyde didn't look back at Edna's body as they left the forest.

Jackie stared at Steven, concerned. He was staring at the small fire they'd made to heat up some food. He hadn't eaten anything.

"Steven, aren't you hungry?" she asked.

He didn't respond. He didn't make any signal that he'd even heard her. She gently nudged his side and he startled. "What?"

"You should eat." Jackie offered him a bag of pretzels, of which she had only eaten a couple.

He stared at the pretzels. "I'm not hungry."

"You should still eat something," Jackie said. "Come on. How many times have you made sure I ate?"

He sighed, but he smiled a little. Then he took the pretzels from her. Jackie smiled as he started eating.

"What am I gonna tell my parents when we get back to Point Place?" Eric asked.

"You whisked Donna away on a romantic trip to make up for all of your bullshit the past year," Jackie said. Steven chuckled.

"Oh yeah? And where were the rest of you, huh?" Eric asked.

"Steven and I were celebrating our new engagement and Fez and Michael were having an affair," Jackie said. Steven continued to laugh. She adored the sound of his joy.

"Hey! No, we weren't!" Michael protested.

Jackie raised her eyebrow at him. He was currently lying on the ground with his head on Fez's lap. He seemed to notice that and sat up, separating the two of them.

"Hey, just because I like men does not mean I like Kelso," Fez said.

"I know. I'm just teasing Michael," Jackie said. "Besides, we can't even use that story. Steven was home for four days after Chicago, so they would never believe we got engaged that soon."

"I really shouldn't have left that night," Steven said.

"No, but… In a way, I'm kind of glad you did. I don't know if we would have worked things out as well if you stayed," Jackie said.

Steven looked at her with an unidentifiable expression. Him having his sunglasses on didn't help. He turned away before she could figure it out.

Donna squinted at something behind Jackie. "What is that?"

Jackie turned. Three figures were walking towards them. She felt Steven tense beside her. The figures glowed in the setting sun, each a different color. As they got closer, Jackie saw that the leading one was red, and the ones on either side were green and purple.

None of them moved as the figures finally reached them. The red one, a woman with tanned skin and gorgeous, curly hair, said, "I am Rhiannon, leader of the Dream Wizards. We sensed the death of our ex-Wizard and came to investigate."

Jackie held Steven's hand tightly. She wouldn't let these people take him away, if that was what they wanted.

"All we want to know is where she is now," the green one said. "We will not harm any of you. We were waiting for her to pass so that we could gain access to the mountains again."

"What Gloria means to say is that we are here to help you," Rhiannon said.

"Yes," the purple one said. "My name is Rosalita. We only want to know what happened."

"Take a seat. It's a pretty long story," Fez said.

The Dream Wizards exchanged glances and sat down with them.

Night had fallen over the grassy hill. The fire had long been put out, replaced by a magic light that bobbed slowly in the middle of their circle. It illuminated all of them pretty well. They were getting to the end of their story.

"And then, uh…" Hyde trailed off. He wasn't sure he could confess this part of the story to people who hadn't been there. But he had to. "I felt magic and I killed her accidentally."

Rhiannon nodded understandingly. "Of course. You were close to the magic of the Mindscape and reacted accordingly. However, and you may not be happy to hear this, I do not think it was an accident. I'm sure Gloria, our Mindscape expert, will confirm this?"

"I do. The magic of the Mindscape works in strange ways. Things as serious as life and death only happen when the person really wants them to happen. For example, Jackie saving Eric and Michael's lives," Gloria said.

"Aw, thanks, Jackie," Forman said.

"Shut up," Jackie said.

Hyde bit the inside of his lip. "I wanted to kill her?"

Gloria looked at him sympathetically. "Most likely. Given how she abused you, it's natural for you not to like her."

"But to the point where I wanted her dead?"

"In that moment, you did. You said she was making you relive bad childhood memories, so in the heat of the memory you wanted her dead. And the Mindscape gave you that." Gloria laid her hand on his knee. "This does not mean you are a bad person. You simply responded to her cruel actions."

Hyde nodded. He knew Jackie's gaze was lingering on Gloria's hand on his knee, so he laced his fingers through Jackie's. Gloria withdrew her hand.

"So, I assume you all want to get home?" Rosalita asked.

"Oh, for sure," Kelso said. "I'm done with this."

Rosalita giggled. "Well, in the morning, we will take you all to a lake where you can get cleaned up, then we will take you back to the passage in Riverbend."

"Thank you," Fez said. "You know, the legends of this island do not do you ladies justice. You are much nicer than they make you out to be."

"That's on purpose," Rhiannon said. "We have to have a cruel reputation so people don't mess around with us."

"That's kickass," Donna said.

"Indeed it is," Rosalita said. "Not as 'kickass' as you are, though, Red Lady."

Donna grinned at that.

They continued talking about the Dream Wizards and their magic, but Hyde found himself not being able to pay attention. His mind kept wandering. For the first time, he actually wanted to talk his feelings out. But not to a group like this.

The group continued chatting until everyone but Jackie and Hyde fell asleep.

Jackie wrapped her arms around his abdomen snugly. "How are you doing?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Hyde answered honestly.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jackie asked. She always asked if he wanted to talk about his feelings. He always said no.

"Yeah. But not here." Hyde stood up. Jackie stood up with him, smiling softly.

They walked into the woods, far away from everyone else.

Hyde took off his sunglasses and hooked them on his shirt. Slowly, he stopped distancing himself from his emotions. And the weight of the day came crashing down.

"I hate to say it, but I'm glad she's dead," he started. "She's finally out of my life for good. I mean, she's always gonna be there, in my mind, but she can't do anything else to me. It's just over."

"Is that a good thing?" Jackie asked.

Hyde thought about that. "I guess it is. It was just so abrupt. I kind of wish I'd had the chance to say more. But she said everything she needed to say to me."

"What would you have said to her?"

Hyde thought, but he couldn't come up with anything. "I don't know. Maybe I did say everything I wanted to. She just never heard it."

Hyde's heart dropped as the realization hit him. He'd told her time and time again he didn't want her as a mother, but she hadn't heard a word he'd said. Every time he'd told her how he felt, the words fell on deaf ears. She had never heard him.

Anger sparked in his chest. She hated him so much and she had never stopped to listen to him. She had never known him. Yet she hated him for simply existing.

"I'm fucking glad she's dead and I'm glad I killed her," Hyde said, before he really knew what he was saying. "It feels… It feels like we're even."

Jackie nodded. "I don't think you're even by a long shot, but I see how you feel that way."

"How do you figure that?"

"She tormented you for, what, seventeen years? And you freed her from a life of hatred and revenge? She deserved worse. Maybe I'm biased because of what she did to me and how I feel about you, but that's what I believe."

"You never really talked about what she did to you. What kinds of things did she say?" Hyde asked.

"I can tell you about them some other time. We came here for you to talk out what's going through your head," Jackie said, taking his hands in hers.

"Huh. You've changed. In a good way."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't take the opportunity to talk about yourself. Very unlike you." Hyde smiled a little to let her know he was teasing.

She smiled back. "Well, you better appreciate it and talk to me about what's going on."

"All right." Hyde took a moment to process his thoughts. He had to process before saying things out loud. "I kind of can't believe it's over. I mean, the cycle of her abuse and my rebelling and that back and forth we had. It's just over. After she ditched me, there was always that looming possibility we would meet again and it would keep going. But now she's dead and that's not going to happen."

"It'll take time to adjust to that. And I'll be with you the whole time." Jackie pecked him on the lips. "Whenever you need to talk, I'll be here."

"Same goes for you." Hyde kissed her again. "Thanks for listening."

"Any time." She hugged him, resting her head on his chest. He hugged her back, relishing the feeling of her touch.

After nearly two weeks apart, not knowing where she was or when the next time he would be able to touch her would be, he was still getting used to having her right there. And, hopefully, she would be there with him for the rest of their lives.

Hyde kissed the top of her head and made his second promise to himself of the day.

As long as he loved Jackie, he would never let her forget it. He would never stop saying it or showing it or giving it to her. Because it was hers, and she deserved to have it.