Thanks so much to: Bratwurst, laceyowens50, IcyChains7, Colin Creevey and SeveraSnape6 for reviewing!

Questions:

Is this having an affect on the blood rune magic because Scorpius was trying to save Tommy and so was she?
No actually, being unable to let go is just a personality trait they both happen to have

If Scorpius fails in defeating Sal, will she still be immortal? And if she is immortal after he goes, could the blood runes still be active?
It's kind of too spoilery and complicated to answer, it also depends on exactly how much Scorpius fails

Have you been to England before?
Yes, I'm quite familiar with the country and in fact I often use places where I've been as a setting or where a character is from

Why some of the original characters never appear in gray, like Katie Bell, Cho, Seamus, etc. Is it because you didn't have inspiration for them or because you already had enough characters on your plate to keep track of or something else?
It's a combination of reasons I guess, most I just didn't have any ideas for and I prefer to use my own characters because I have more freedom with them and I know them better, the original characters ages are limiting as well. I feel I can write my own characters better too, I feel more confident with my own and I get like a lot of criticism for my portrayal of the original characters like 'Draco wouldn't do this,' 'Harry wouldn't do that,' 'Hermione isn't like this' etc so I just get put off using the original characters any more than I have to especially the more the series went on. Another thing is since Scorpius is the protagonist and the Malfoys were quite isolated he wouldn't be familiar with all his parents schoolfriends the way like Albus or Rose would, I didn't want to force cameos at the expensive of it being believable who Scorpius would know or remember because he's not good with names, as well as not forcing them in because I already have a lot of other stuff going on. Another reason is that, well, Gray can be dark at times and lots of people die so I felt better hurting and killing my own characters than the originals, people can just imagine characters they actually like are safe and stuff. For the ones you mentioned specifically Seamus didn't appear because I imagine he just lives in Ireland so physically isn't around, Cho doesn't appear as I didn't really have an idea for her but she did have kids at Hogwarts and Katie also hasn't appeared but she is the mother of Freddie's girlfriend Caitlin Birch who was named after her, you just wouldn't know it because her last name changed with marriage and I never really saw a good opportunity to bring it up

Thankfully it wasn't too long after that that Lamb returned, knocking on the door and politely inquiring as to whether he was early or not. Rojer had seemed done with his quotient of social interaction for the day and gone back to work on the concoctions he'd been brewing before they'd arrived, Scorpius had more to think about then he had to say and was glad for Lamb's return so with Rojer's typical 'buh-bye' and the door slamming behind them, they were parted once more. He took hold of Lamb's arm– his hands were twitching too much- and was disapparated, reappearing back outside Hogan's house.

"Hey Ephraim?" Scorpius asked, causing Lamb to halt in his tracks as he'd started to move to the door.

"Y- Yeah? Did y- you want to go s- s- somewhere e- else?" Lamb wondered as he glanced over his shoulder back to him.

"No, I just have a hypothetical question," Scorpius said as he crossed the distance between then, mulling over exactly what to say carefully, "Say you merged your soul with a Specter and there was a way to save you, separate you from the Specter but it means you'd die. Would you want that?"

"O- Of c-course I w- would want that."

"Even though you'd die?" Scorpius reiterated in surprise, meeting Lamb's warm brown eyes and seeing the surprised sincerity.

"Y- Yeah, i- it's my soul, y- you don't m- mess around w- with your s- soul," Lamb insisted, "And i- if the al- alt- alternative is b- being w- with one of th- those things, I- I'm pr- pretty much dead al- already an- anyway s- s- so wh- what do I r- really to lose i- if I already l- lost myself?"

"Well… okay. How about if it wasn't you then, what it was your friend's father whose soul was merged with a Specter? Would you still kill them?"

"Y- Yes," Lamb confirmed without hesitation to which Scorpius sighed, was he really alone on this? "Th- Though I- I'd probably talk t- to my fr- friend about it fir- first."

"Maybe I'll do that," Scorpius muttered unhappily as they continued trudging back to the house, not enjoying the prospect of telling his unstable friend they might have a way to murder his father.

He brooded on this for the rest of the day, he tried to work on his apparating but wasn't surprised by his lack of success with his mind all over the place. Doubts drifting like smoke through any cracks in his resolve, about his parents, about his cousin, about his friend's father, about a long dead serial killer and his descendant, about himself. At least he'd be able to ask Varanian for a second opinion on some of these things, whenever he decided to show up again.

Thinking of Varanian, he was reminded that it was almost his birthday which meant Orous and Maurice's birthday was the day before, tomorrow in fact. He obviously couldn't and hadn't gotten them anything considering the circumstances but he thought he could at least wish them a good day. At the very least it might be the push he needed to open a dialogue with them, he hadn't spoken to either since before Hogwarts fell. It was better than failing to apparate at least.

He let Lamb know they'd be going to the base tomorrow before dinner, he'd missed them on the day he'd gone to speak to Brutus but apparently they were there often and if not he'd just have to get Lamb to apparate to their house, he did know the address. There was still no Varanian when the three of them turned in for the night, Hogan's incessant counting followed him into an uneasy sleep. He dreamt he was in a void of darkness listening to the grouchy Healer's voice, he tried to move to be more comfortable but found his limbs would not obey, he couldn't move. Why couldn't he move? He tried to call out to Hogan to ask him to help but his lips wouldn't part, he couldn't speak. Why couldn't he speak? He tried to open his eyes to at least see what was happening but nothing happened, he couldn't do anything. And then Hogan's voice faded and the silence cut like knives into his mind… he was extremely glad when he finally woke up.

After breakfast, Lamb apparated him to the new base as planned. Outside there were several people practicing dueling, with a pang he realized Martha was one of them. He hadn't spoken to her since they'd damned Hogwarts to save Molly, she was one of the few people who knew about his immortality, he probably should talk to her at some point… this was not that point though. Lamb wandered over to them anyway while Scorpius went inside, neither of the twins were amongst those dueling after all.

Scorpius walked into the front room where sure enough, Maurice was standing there, staring thoughtfully at a large map of England that was plastered to the wall. To his surprise, Maurice turned to him immediately as he entered, the deaf teen reacting as if he'd heard him. He opened his mouth to greet him before noticing that even more surprisingly, Maurice's ever-present crystal that hung around his neck and translated their words to text for him was missing.

"Hey," Maurice greeted him neutrally as he approached, Scorpius noticed he was holding a pocket watch in his human hand but no translator necklace.

"Hey," Scorpius offered, still confused and gestured to around his own neck in case Maurice hadn't noticed he didn't have it, "Whatever happened to your…?"

"My necklace?" Maurice finished his sentence for him, amusement playing in his oceanic eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked," Maurice said, usually cheerful as his face split into an uncommonly wide smile, "Look what Cade got me for my birthday."

He held up his copper-colored pocket watch, the front engraved with an intricate raven – Maurice's Patronus animal – bordered by an even more intricate lattice of leaves. Scorpius was even more confused for a moment before it turned enough where it dangled to show off the back, revealing his translator crystal embedded in the center with the string wrapped around the sides.

"Cade thought it might be more convenient for me to grab a waist-high pocket watch rather than needing to grasp something around my neck all the time, it still detaches so I can use whatever is easier for me at the time," Maurice explained brightly, taking it back when he'd seen Scorpius had noticed it and clutching it in his human hand, "It's imbued with charms to improve the accuracy of the translation too and to recognize certain sounds, it's so interesting what has sounds. I can set it to follow a sound too but maybe my favorite part is that it vibrates in the direction of a sound if I'm holding it so I can tell when someone's coming or starts speaking from behind, I'm not taken off-guard."

As if to prove his point, his nodded his head to the right where Scorpius glanced up and saw Roman was entering through the other doorway on the opposite side of the room. Molly's uncle was a tall, thin man, clean-shaved with neatly cropped dark hair and dark eyes, eyes that gave a sharp scowl aimed at the pocket watch as he strode over to them. He bore little resemblance to his son, who took after his deceased Soul Eater mother, Maurice wasn't as tall as either Scorpius or Roman.

"Cool, right?" Maurice addressed back to Scorpius, clearly and unusually excited about something with little relation to war, "Cade's the best, I'm lucky he had managed to procure it in so far in advance."

"I could've gotten you a special magical pocket watch if it I wasn't a fugitive," Roman grumbled under his breath as he reached them, Maurice's eyes flicked near his father indicating his translator had picked it up.

"I'm sure you could've, Roman."

"That's really cool, Maurice," Scorpius said instead while Roman's face flashed with hurt at the use of his first name, which Maurice didn't see as he'd turned away from his father back to him. Scorpius gave him a cautious smile, "And Happy Birthday by the way, that's one of the reasons I came by."

"Thanks."

"Do you know where Orous is? I'd like to wish him a good birthday as well."

"He's off with Lily, somewhere," Maurice answered while Roman gave a disapproving snort from his other side, "Those two are joined at the hip recently, whenever he's not practicing dueling."

"Oh."

"I'll let him know you said that if I he doesn't turn up while you're still here."

"Thanks, Maurice," Scorpius offered and the conversation tapered into a semi-awkward silence, Maurice starting to stare holes into him with his sharp gaze as his excitement about his gift wore off and reality kicked in. He opened his mouth but Maurice spoke first.

"So what's the other reason you're here? You finally done hiding out in shame and are ready to take up the fight again?"

"I wasn't hiding out in shame…" Scorpius muttered indignantly, Roman gave a snort of amusement and Maurice had to spare him a glance before looking back to him, "I just… thought everyone would be mad at me so I should keep my distance, besides it's not like I've been doing nothing."

"Well some people are mad at you," Maurice admitted, "I'm not, we don't have time for that. I'm just glad you're back, we need all the help we can get."

Aww, Maurice, you're so sweet, Calderon offered in his mind, reminding Scorpius uncomfortably of his talk with Rojer, is it too late to you a nickname?

"What have you been up to anyway?" Scorpius asked to cover his lapse.

"A lot," Roman spoke up proudly, causing Maurice to have to look to his other side again, he looked mildly annoyed at this, "You and Varanian should be glad he has someone as talented as him to hold down the fort while he's off… doing whatever it is that he does, he's been getting everyone trained up and dealing with living arrangements. He's a natural leader."

"Well Latimer was helping a lot too before he was injured, besides I'm not the leader so long as Varanian and Scorpius are still alive," Maurice pointed out then looked back to Scorpius, "He was here yesterday actually, he wasn't looking… well."

"He's doing the best he can," Scorpius said defensively, "What did he want?"

"Just to check in I guess, he agreed with me about trying to get people in Gray moved here so we're not so scattered, I was trying to get him to approve some magical alterations to better fit everyone because this base isn't as large as the last and it's going to get cramped very quickly when the injured start being well enough to be moved," Maurice explained succinctly then nodded to the map in front of him, "Was interested in my map too, me and Rutherford were working on it."

"What is it?" Scorpius asked, glancing at it and noticing there were different colored dots surrounded by lighter colored sections.

"I was trying to track the Shadow Master's movements, see if there was any discernible pattern we could predict."

"And is there?"

"Not that I can tell," Maurice said with a shake of his head, "It seems to be random, I questioned Brutus about it and he believes it to be random too, she's thrown out the plan since she's just mad and lashing out randomly, though he claims she did always intend to go after New Azkaban at some point. She's not even just targeting cities either, sometimes she targets towns and even villages, often going after clusters of them within a certain radius as you can see, some have magical communities and some are purely muggles. It's like she's going scorched earth, anything not taken by the Shadows is razed into the ashes of the ground, the few survivors found amongst the rubble have said she's not even giving people a chance to surrender anymore like she did in Hogwarts, anyone they find is slaughtered and their bodies whisked away to become Inferi puppets. No mercy. The prison attack was actually less devastating because she wanted survivors to get her message."

"That's rough," Scorpius swallowed, Roman's expression was bleak.

"I know, that's why we need to be doing something, or there won't be anything left to save."

Oh Sal

"Caradoc, did you vanish your playpen again?" Maurice questioned with a sigh, snapping Scorpius from Calderon's thoughts as he looked behind him, seeing a small tot tiptoeing into the room on unsteady legs. The toddler's face was horribly scarred on one side by a crisscross pattern, it was reminiscent of bars from a grate. He seemed unconcerned by this however, giggling madly when Maurice addressed him and careening back out of the room with an excited whoop, "Hang on, I gotta go get him."

Cassia strode down the corridor of a cave system, her infant son, Att, tucked against her hip and babbling gibberish into her ear. She was glad, the more words he was making the better. She stopped outside a door at the end of the hall and knocked succinctly, idly shifting her son's weight to her other side as she waited patiently.

"Mors!" Att cried with recognition as the door opened a few seconds later, reaching out his small hands to the current leader of Gray.

Maurice looked tired, even more so than usual. His oceanic eyes looking almost bruised by the bags of tiredness clinging to them and his face was gaunt, graced by stubble that she thought gave him a rugged handsomeness. From his chin trailing down his neck and across his throat was a livid red scar from the curse he'd barely recovered from, she wasn't quite used to it yet. He was in jeans, socks and a t-shirt with his customary pocket watch clutched in his human hand, wedding band gleaming in the magical light, he cocked his head to one side curiously.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Cassia wondered to which he let out a grunt in reply.

"Briefing's not for another few hours," Maurice pointed out, his voice a rasp as it had been since his injury, making him sound gruffer than she was used to.

"I wanted to talk to you about something else," she told him, he let out a rattling sigh but nonetheless stepped aside and gestured for her to enter.

His room was Spartan, nothing but a bed – unmade on one side, as if he had just been attempting sleep - and a trunk for possessions. It was better that way, when you needed to flee fast there wasn't time to pack everything away so it was best to keep everything unnecessary stowed away for maximum efficiency. She wasn't much different.

"So what did you want?" Maurice asked bluntly, a yawn hiding somewhere inside his voice.

"Antonius' wand," Cassia stated, equally bluntly to which one of Maurice's eyebrows rose, "You said I could have it for Att."

"I said when he was old enough," Maurice reiterated as she hitched Att up again, the one year old was trying to play with her hair tangled crop of straw-like hair.

"He is old enough."

"He can't even walk."

"But he can talk," Cassia pointed out triumphantly, Maurice shot a scowl at her son, "That's the important part."

"He can barely string together words-"

"He'll get better," she insisted firmly, cutting over him, his oceanic eyes shifted back to her unconvinced, "Look, Maurice, I'm going to start teaching him magic whether you give me Anton's wand or not, I can just use my own the way my father taught me. I think it would be better if he were actually able to use the wand he'll be using for the rest of his life but it's not required, denying me isn't going to change anything."

"Why?" Maurice demanded, the question sounding even harsher with the rasp scraping the word, "He's already not going to have a childhood, at least let him have babyhood."

"No," Cassia snapped back equally harshly, maybe harsher than she'd meant, "He'll be safer once he can hold a wand in his hand, preserving his innocence isn't going to protect him."

"Maybe not but it's worth preserving all the same."

"Well when you and Eliza have a son, you can preserve his innocence all you like but my son is going to be a soldier and there'll be none of that 'you're too young for this' crap that I got."

"That was to protect you," Maurice pointed out more softly, "You were a child- heck, you're still not of age yet. You don't have to overcompensate with Att, you may regret it if he grows up to resent you for it."

"At least he'll grow up," Cassia countered more quietly, looking down at the tangle of extremely dark auburn hair then back to Maurice's searching gaze, her resolve hardened, "Not everyone is like us, Maurice, not everyone can deal with all the losses, the constant fight and threat in the air. We're soldiers, we don't just survive in this environment, we thrive, for better or worse we were made to be like this, it's in our blood now. It doesn't break us the way it broke our brothers for example, Anton killed himself and Cyrus can't cope if he's not hopped up on whatever drugs he can get his hands on-"

"Cyrus is clean right now, I'll have you know," Maurice interrupted testily, "He's been in a good mood lately, in fact, he's doing much better."

"And why do you think that is?" Cassia wondered dryly, pausing to allow Maurice to connect the dots himself. He swore, "Anyway, the point is that not everyone can cope with losing everyone they love all the time, most people aren't made to be soldiers and I have to make Att a solider for him to have any chance of a life. The younger he gets on this, the easier it'll be."

Maurice looked at her for a long moment then to her son, his expression unreadable as he ruffled the boy's hair and Att gurgled with delight. He was pretty good with babies after raising his nephew and Caradoc… he was probably still the closest thing Att would ever get to a father too. Finally he went to the trunk at the end of the bed, rifling through it for a few minutes before he stood with the long wand in his grasp. He turned back to them and wordlessly held it out to Att, her son's dark chestnut eyes lit up with interest.

"Go on, Att, what's that?" Cassia urged her son gently, allowing her voice to rise into the sing-song way you addressed the very young, "What's Maurice got for you? Is that your wand?"

"Mime?" Att wondered and eagerly reached out to the stick with tiny fingers, gasping as it glowed under his touch. He giggled and grabbed it with both hands, sending a burst of sunlight throughout the tiny room.

"Thank you, Maurice," she smiled but Maurice looked saddened but she didn't care, her son would be a soldier yet.

Scorpius stayed a while longer with Maurice after he put the toddler back in the playpen with baby Lydia, listening to him ramble on in great length and detail about every single one of Sal's attacks on the country since Hogwarts to see if there was a pattern Scorpius noticed that he had not- he didn't, he agreed it seemed fairly random- and then onto being implored to get Varanian to budge on his not wanting to make magical altercations to the building as he predicted space would he lacking once the injured started being well enough to leave the Embry's, he was having enough trouble with finding enough space just for his own family to move there from Cade's so they were still sleeping there even though for most of the day they were here now. Because of course, Maurice's family were happy to be a part of Gray and saw the obvious safety logic of being within their protective enchantments, he wondered how own family would feel if they knew a muggle had more sense than they did.

Eventually Maurice took him outside to the sunshine to drill him on his spellcasting- Maurice was not impressed by his continued inability to apparate- and engage in some mock duels, Scorpius did feel rather rusty compared to the people who had been training daily. After being beaten several times by Maurice he was starting to get back into the swing of it though and the duels were closer, Orous showed up with his hand in Lily's at some point during this and wanted to engage him as well. The tables were turned very quickly and Scorpius had no problem dispatching Orous, the albino wasn't a poor duelist but his spinal injury seemed to still be impairing him, his movements were stiffer and less fluid leading to him being unable to smoothly or easily dodge spells. He seemed so frustrated at losing, Scorpius wondered if maybe he should've just let him win.

He left not long after that, returning to Hogan's with Lamb since he'd successfully wished his friends a good birthday like he'd wanted, for the little it was worth. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, mulling over whether he should have Lamb take him to the Embry's to speak to Michael about his dad or wait until he'd spoken to Varanian about it first, he very much missed the communication ring-turned-portkey that Varanian had taken from him recently. He slept fitfully and the next day and went back to trying to apparate, becoming increasingly tempted to ask Hogan for advice, maybe he'd have better luck with his lousy method.

Crack!

Scorpius' head shot up in surprise from where he'd been staring at the ground, shocked at the thought that he had done it and wondering how… the answer was that he hadn't, he was still standing in the same spot. The difference was that Varanian was now standing a few feet away, not looking much better than he'd been the last time Scorpius saw him. His scars were still visible, his hair peppered with gray, his eyes mismatched and tainted by shadows beneath them.

"Still no success?" Varanian wondered, sounding distant and Scorpius shook his head shamefully, "Come on, why don't I help you? Maybe you just need a change of scenery."

"Um… okay," Scorpius agreed, he wanted to speak to him anyway so he allowed himself to be led through the copse of trees that surrounded Hogan's house, "So how've you been doing?"

Varanian answered with a grunt of annoyance so he opted to walk in silence. It was actually nicer in the trees, they provided shade from the ferocious heat of the summer sun. Scorpius wasn't sure if Varanian was taking him somewhere specific or if he was walking until he found somewhere suitable, either way after several minutes they left the treeline to find themselves at the top of a hillside overlooking a beautiful picturesque landscape of rolling hills and luscious valleys that stretched as far as their eyes could reach. He was pretty sure it was the famous Lake District they were looking at as Hogan lived in the vicinity of it, you could almost, almost, forget about the war staring at a view like this, it was like being in one of those landscape paintings Molly liked. He wondered if she'd like this view, he wondered if she'd like to live somewhere like here…

"Okay," Varanian spoke up, snapping Scorpius' from his reverie back to the scarred leader who was drawing a circle into grass with his wand, "Here's your circle. Now, you do remember how it works, right?"

Scorpius confirmed he did so Varanian moved back to allow Scorpius to try, and fail. And fail. And fail. And fail. And fail some more. And then more failing. Varanian kept occasionally trying to provide advice, reiterating things Scorpius already knew and going over them again just to make sure what Scorpius had been taught wasn't incorrect. It wasn't, he just sucked that badly. It became a point of self-control to not bring up the conversation with Rojer just as a distraction for his own ineptitude, his failure was really starting to grate on him. He was no closer than he had been the last time Varanian had talked to him about- hell, he was no closer than he had been when he first started learning.

"Remember, Scorpius, you have to believe you can actually do it in order to be able to do it," Varanian offered unhelpfully one time and Scorpius' mood must've shown in his face because he instead sighed, "Let's take a break, maybe that'll help."

Somehow Scorpius doubted it but he was grateful all the same for the excuse to stop staring at the ground, the change of scenery didn't seem to be doing anything and he thought if he concentrated anymore his head would explode. Varanian sat himself down in the shade under the closest tree, leaning back against it with a distant expression as he stared off. Scorpius went over and slouched into the grass across from him, sighing heavily as he did so.

"I'm sorry," Scorpius offered unhappily, "I know it's an incredibly useful skill, I don't know why I can't get it."

"No, I'm sorry, I'm probably not a good teacher for it."

"The other people teaching me didn't have success either," Scorpius pointed out and in response, impassibly, Varanian laughed.

"Maybe but I remember one time with Annie-" Varanian started to say and for just one second he was suddenly himself again, no scars, no iron gray marring his brilliantly tawny-colored hair, no mismatched eyes just the same intense icy blue that sparkled as his smile touched them.

But as suddenly as it had happened, it was gone, making Scorpius not entirely sure if the metamorphmagus had even changed his appearance at all. His smile died with her name and the visage of his old self with it, whatever he was going to say cut off and his face twisted with rage or pain, there was a bang and one of the trees near them was suddenly explosively on fire. Wordlessly, Scorpius put out the flames out with his wand, the trunk of the tree was still left with scorched, blackened bark.

"I've never been very good at failing," Varanian admitted quietly, his expression pensive as the mismatched gaze stared through the injured tree, "Before Hogwarts I mastered all the basic skills easily, numbers, letters, words, shapes… it all just slotted into my brain so easily. I never struggled, I don't think I even realized you could struggle. Until Hogwarts. First ever class was Transfiguration, I turned the matchstick into the needle on my very first try then stared around in confusion at why no one else had gotten it, I didn't- I couldn't understand why it was hard for them. It was like this for all my classes, everything just clicked, magic came as simply as changing your hair color, it was so easy… It was good of course but the older I get the more I also think it also wasn't, I learned to succeed without having to really try, then fail and try again, so whenever I do fail I don't really know… I never properly learned how to deal with it."

"I can relate to that," Scorpius also admitted, thinking of his schooling and feeling Varanian's eyes drift to him as he averted gaze to the grass, "I've always been good at my classes in Hogwarts, especially magic, I became Seeker in my first year, I became an animagus yet for some reason I just can't apparate. I feel like it should be easy for me and I don't understand why it's not."

"Yes, I don't understand why it's not," Varanian agreed, his voice distant and Scorpius got the impression he wasn't talking just about Scorpius' inability to apparate, he glanced back to his leader, "Maybe you ask too much of yourself, Scorpius, you can't be good at everything."

"Maybe. Maybe you should take your own advice."

Varanian gave a derisive snort and leaned back against the tree once more, idly ripping up a handful of grass and letting the blades fall through his scarred slender fingers. The silence stretched and Scorpius wondered if this would be a good time to speak to him about Rojer, he opened his mouth but Varanian was faster.

"I've been trying to recreate what I did with the rings," Varanian said suddenly, twisting his hand slightly to try dislodge the last few grass blades caught in the grooves of his scars, "Make portkeys for people to transport them back to the new base, we know the changes I made bypass the usual defenses she puts up so if any of these places were attacked they could get away instantly. It shouldn't be hard, I'm even trying to do it on bracelets instead of rings so it doesn't have to be so intricate but… I can't, I can't even focus that much on it."

"I'm sure you'll get it," Scorpius tried to off encouragingly though Varanian continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"They just keep exploding on me, Scorpius, portkeys aren't supposed to explode. I just keep blowing them up because I can't even do anything," Varanian concluded, bitterness bathing his words as the last grass fell from his hand, "Can't control my appearance either, what kind of metamorphmagus can't even do that? Can't cast a Patronus either anymore, not very fucking useful for fighting shadows or hanging out with an antsy Jack/One all the time. Couldn't stop them if I tried, not that they'd try, they didn't have the guts when I tried to provoke them."

"You tried to provoke them?" Scorpius repeated in alarm but the metamorphmagus didn't seem to notice.

"They have her eyes, you know?" Varanian almost whispered, his voice hoarse and then he swallowed, "Now Annie understood the importance of effort, she failed all the time but it didn't stop her. She'd keep trying until she got it, she was stubborn like that, never ceased to impress me how fast and how well she managed to pick things up… She never went to Hogwarts but sometimes… sometimes I wonder what house she would've gotten, not Slytherin of course and I don't think she would've made Ravenclaw either, she had a sharp mind but wasn't book-smart they way they were, she always said she hated muggle school anyway. She might've made Hufflepuff but I think she was too prickly for their lot, more likely I think… I think she would've made Gryffindor like us, she was certainly willful enough, and strong, and brave… right up to the very end…"

Scorpius startled as another nearby tree became engulfed in a sapphiric inferno, again he wordlessly went to douse the flames, having to exert more effort than he expected due to the force of the flames.

"I keep doing that," Varanian admitted, soundly mildly annoyed with himself, "Sometimes when I try to put it out it makes it worse, I thought not holding my wand might help but… not really. Apparently all I can do is blow shit up and start fires, my grandfather would have a field day with that… Shame I can't set myself on fire, third time lucky, right? Would probably be more useful as a human torch then a failure who still doesn't know how to get rid of the Shadow Master… I just make things worse, with my bad blood…"

"I got it, don't worry," Scorpius reassured him as he successfully finished extinguishing the flames.

"You're a talented wizard, Scorpius," Varanian complimented him and Scorpius looked back to see he was now wringing his wand in his hands over his knees, glaring at it as if it'd done something wrong. Scorpius opened his mouth to speak but Varanian was already onto another topic, "Brutus is a talented wizard too, you know, and powerful, and far more intelligent than I think people used to give him credit for. He was the only person who was ever able to stand against me in Defense Against the Dark Arts, we could always duel circles around the other students, we were in a different league. He wasn't an overachiever like I was but when it came to spells he took to them as easily I did, he was brilliant, he still is. Weirdly, I think our rivalry only helped us push ourselves further than the string of different Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers every could, hate is a strong motivator I suppose."

"Yeah," Scorpius agreed, wondering if he would be as good as he was at magic without the war to test him. His heart twinged painfully as he thought of Professor Ashain, also wondering if he'd be as good if he hadn't had such a great teacher.

"Makes it ironic that when I first met him I wanted to be his friend," Varanian continued, his lips curling into a hint of a joyless smile, "I thought he was so cool, I can't even remember why we became mortal enemies instead. I never did play well with others and I could be such an ass it doesn't really surprise me though, it's funny to think about how there's some alternate universe out there where Brutus Ashain was my friend and how different our lives would be, I think… I think we would've been good friends. As much as I hated him, he was still the closest thing I ever had to a friend- besides Ethel, of course- I barely even remember the others in my year besides them. I did spend time with him, even if it was always to fight, I did know him, even if it was just to get under his skin… I've been thinking of asking him to join Gray."

"What?!" Scorpius spluttered, Varanian acknowledged him with a tilt of his head and a sardonic smile.

"Trust me, nobody could feel this is as wrong as I do and I'm not sure I could ever trust him regardless, or if the Ministry would approve, or even if Brutus himself would be willing… but, like I said, he's a talented wizard, at least as powerful as I am… The knowledge he provides as a prisoner is useful of course but I think he'd be even more useful if he was actually on our side," Varanian explained before uttering a hollow laugh as his eyes shifted back to the wand in his hands, "I know it sounds crazy, right? I don't know if I will, I don't know if I can, I don't know if it's a good idea or the stupidest mistake I could ever make but… it was just thought I've had."

"He has been helpful before," Scorpius conceded, trying to get past his initial surprise of the idea, "I still don't know if it'd work though."

"That's the problem, isn't it? We're always making choices without really knowing if we're making the right ones or not, you might not even realize until it blows up in your face or when you're looking back at the winding path of your life except now you can see where you went wrong, see all those mistakes for what they were with hindsight and notice you missed the obvious good option in the moment," Varanian rambled on absently, Scorpius had come to the conclusion that he really just seemed to need to vent right now, "Life's funny that way, isn't it? You can only go forwards not backwards, yet you can only see backwards not forwards… It's my birthday today, I'm fifty-two now."

"I know."

"Feels too old yet somehow also not old enough. Too young to know what I'm doing but too old to be getting married and having children for sure, it was stupid of me to think we had a future, it was foolish to have hope," Varanian muttered, twisting his wand so tightly his knuckles went white, Scorpius considered objecting to this but the metamorphmagus was still talking, "I couldn't protect my family, I couldn't protect my school, I couldn't protect my base or my people and I certainly couldn't protect… I cremated their bodies, you know, I didn't want them to become Inferi. I should've probably brought them back though, I'm sure the Weasleys would've wanted to give Dom a proper funeral but I didn't think of it at the time, I said a few words even only the dead could hear them. Austin never even got that much, I didn't find his body… didn't really look to be fair. Annie always liked him, they got along but I didn't, always took him for a lazy coward to be honest, never much liked the guy. I like Lat though, he's got a good head on his shoulders. The first few days I half-kept expecting him to show up, like I thought he might've fled and saved himself but would return in shame… It seems I misjudged him though, looks like he really did die trying to protect… I feel like I owe him some kind of apology, I misjudged him and then I left him to rot but I can't… I can't even give him that, I couldn't even give it to his son right now. I didn't even protect his child after he died trying to save mine…"

Another fire started up, this one just circling around them. Varanian dropped his wand as if it had also caught fire, Scorpius had to stand to put it out this time, casting his wand out around to silence the ring of flames.

"S- Sometimes I wonder if… I wonder if it got to be born b- before it died, if it felt anything," Varanian choked out, Scorpius could hear the words catching in his throat and saw him trying to blink away the liquid in his eyes. His voice was barely above a whisper as Scorpius looked back to him, "I don't even know which would be worse, for the b- baby to just die without ever getting to feel anything at all or for… for the only thing it ever got to feel being a few moments of h- horrific agony… Annie's b- body was far too… t- too mangled to tell… I wonder if she thought about that before she died as well, or if she just died hating me for putting her in that situation, or i- if she was just in too much… too much p- pain to think much of anything..."

"Varanian…" Scorpius tried, struggling to think of anything remotely comforting but everything just seemed woefully inadequate, he didn't even understand what it was like to be in that situation… "And you'll never understand just because a muggle fucked you up the ass when you were nine!" Scorpius flinched at Michael's words inside his skull again.

He needs a hug, Calderon's voice provided unhelpfully.

"I wanted them to live," Varanian whispered, closing his eyes as tears escaped them, he scrubbed at them with the backs of his hands, "I'm sorry, I'm just… my birthday is making me think about all this stuff, I can't seem to distract myself. I didn't want to… I just didn't trust myself to be alone today. With any luck I won't even survive to the next birthday for it to be an issue."

Scorpius swallowed, making sure to not let his face show his alarm at Varanian's apparent loss of the will to live. He approached and picked up Varanian's wand then very deliberately sat down next to him, handing it back to him once he'd reopened his red-rimmed eyes.

"You're not alone, Pip," Scorpius told him very sincerely, keeping his hand over Varanian's and squeezing gently to try reassure him that he was there. He couldn't bring himself to look at Varanian's expression, he thought it would be too much, "Don't forget that. We can get through this, and we will. We're fighters."

Varanian let his hand linger for a moment before Scorpius noticed a barely perceptible nod out of the corner of his eye, he let him move his hand away.

"Sometimes I wish we weren't," he whispered, his voice so hoarse that Scorpius barely heard it.

"But then we wouldn't be who we are," Scorpius pointed out pensively, wondering if he'd said the right thing or if he should say something more. Silence settled as they gazed out at the beautiful landscape stretched out in front of them, the serenity stilling their thoughts, "It's a beautiful day."

"It is," Varanian confirmed, his voice much more even now. He seemed to have gotten his grief off his chest, for now anyway, "Hogan picked a nice place to live."

"I spoke to Rojer," Scorpius finally brought up and felt Varanian's head snap to him.

"And?"

"And he erm… he thinks he can separate Jack and One."

"Damn."

"Damn?" Scorpius wondered in surprise, glancing at the man beside him, he hadn't even gotten to the part about Jack dying.

"I was kind of hoping he wouldn't have any luck," Varanian admitted, he sighed when Scorpius continued to look confused, "It's a soul-destroying monster, Scorpius, whatever slivers of conscious it has it gets from Jack, take away him and… Well, I'm not sure I really trust it to keep its word, it won't even have any incentive to once we've given it what it wanted. I have concerns…"

"Well we don't have to do it, Rojer's method may not be what we're looking for."

"Why?"

"With his method Jack will… die."

"And?" Varanian questioned, confusing Scorpius again, "Of course he'll die, it's too late for him… It's been too late for him for a long time, you don't get to walk away after screwing your soul up like that. Molly's sister only confirmed what we already suspected."

"But…" Scorpius tried, Varanian was watching him with tired, mournful eyes, "But there has to be a way to save him, if we just keep trying…"

"Even Annie knew that…" Varanian struggled as he got to her name, having to swallow, "She knew he was already gone, all we can do is give him closure. Then we just have One to worry about."

"I just… I feel like there should be another way, some way to save him…"

"Who are you trying to convince, Scorpius?" Varanian asked and Scorpius' mouth clamped shut, "Go back to Rojer, ask him what we need to do so we're prepared and… we'll think about our options then."

"Michael won't be happy."

"Michael doesn't seem happy about anything."

"Right but… I'd still like to talk to him about it first."

"Fine then, talk to him about it first," Varanian brushed it aside dismissively, definitely sounding like himself again, "Did Rojer say anything else?"

Scorpius' mouth fell ajar and he met the metamorphmagus' blue and silver eyes, his heartbeat echoed inside his head as the fragments of ash in the air dried the saliva in his throat. He was sounding stronger now but he couldn't unsee that vulnerability after listening to his rambling misery, his silver eye suddenly reminded him very strongly of Abel, Varanian's uncle… did it run in the blood?

"No," Scorpius lied, "Nothing else useful."

"A shame," Varanian sighed as he broke eye contact, "Would be good to have a lead on how the hell to stop her."

"Yeah, it would," Scorpius said dismissively and stood to distract himself from his guilt over lying to him, brushing the dirt from his clothes but… he couldn't tell him, not now, not when he was like this. It'd just have to wait until he was doing better. What if he doesn't get better? He shoved that thought aside and offered Varanian a hand up, "Come on, I'm done with apparating for today. They've probably made some lunch by now, I'm starving and I'm sure you could eat too. We need our strength."

"I- Okay," Varanian agreed and took his hand, allowing Scorpius to pull him to his feet.