Previously on Can we start over?
"It's fine Bells, these things happen I'm just sorry for those families you know?"
"As long as you don't give up faith that doing your best will hopefully be enough someday"
"Two red eyed vampires are in forks and will try to feed or kill the longer they're here. So I suggest you concern yourself with the real 'Dangerous' creatures and leave the Cullens alone"
"Haiz... well I guess you better sit down then, it won't be a pretty picture"
They say telling the truth doesn't cost you anything but lying could cost you everything.
Bella hopes that the saying was false, she hopes Rosalie will understand the reason she kept certain things about the past to herself , she hopes that telling her the truth now ? Didn't have an adverse effect on the events that was set to follow. She already pushed the envelope too far , she changed things , hoping that it didn't have an negative Effect on the outcome as a whole but those small triggers managed to rewrite certain events , she might not care about the whole of humanity as a whole but allowing innocent people to suffer because of a choice you made? Hurts more than she let on.
She blames herself for allowing a another girl to take her place as a victim, she might not have actively participated in hurting her but she was the main reason it happened.
Now standing across her mate who wore a blank expression waiting for to tell the truth , to stop lying , to stop keeping things to herself. She hesitates not only because of her own selfish need to have control of the situation but she hesitates because telling Rosalie or the Cullens of the events might effect them negatively, might kill more people than necessary so yes, she truly hopes that explaining her actions or revealing the past timeline didn't have such a big effect on the present.
"Ive already told you that I've lived a timeline similar to this, we've gone over the fact that I died at the hands of your brother" she pauses, she doesn't need to see the pained expression on Rosalie's face to know it's there.
"The thing is ... I've glossed over some things , the way I came into your lives before doesn't matter really , but what does matter is what happened at the baseball game in the past. The reason I wasn't surprised at the invitation was because it was the event that would start everything, our first encounter with the nomads , how Laurent would ask to join the game, how James would take a unhealthy interest in the human the golden eyed vampires kept."
Then she explains everything—she tells Rosalie about the panic that set into the Cullens the first time, she tells her about how the entire family banded together to protect her, she tells her how she had to lie to her father saying she was never happy in forks to begin with to keep him safe by breaking his heart for the second time, she tells Rosalie that she spat the same words her mother did when she divorced her father taking his daughter away from him.
Tears pool in her eyes but she keeps it at bay, she doesn't need to cry now, she hates the fact that she hurt her father so deeply before, how easily she allowed herself to be swept away without a choice of her own. She tells Rosalie about how Edward decided to trick James , and sends her back to her home in Phoenix in the vain hope that he wouldn't be able to track her.
She tells Rosalie that the trackers mate found information and managed to find out where she was going.Throughout it all Rosalie holds her expression she tried not to tear into the wooden arms of the chair she's sitting in. She watches Bella pace up and down her bedroom floor rehashing the tale.
"Then Alice and Jasper was with me , we were held up in a motel while you and the rest tried to lead James away, you lost his trail somehow and Edward decided it was safe enough for him to come to Phoenix without the hope of being followed." She laughs dryly at this point, she laughs because of how stupid they were to think that James, the tracker would give up so easily.
"Somehow he got my cellphone number, probably from the school that Victoria broke into , he called me while I was in the motel room. Jasper was helping Alice with her visions, he knew your family wouldn't leave me by myself so he told me to pretend I was speaking to my mother and only answer with yes or no questions. He played a tape, an old home video of my mother looking for me... of course I didn't know it was a tape at the time since he cut it off just before my mom found me.
He told me to meet him at my old ballet studio , the same one my mother forced me to attend to help with my clumsy nature." She smiles wryly at the memory.
She glances at Rosalie who seems to be a step away from comforting her. She smiles at the vampire's need to comfort her while she's sad.
Clearing her throat she looks out to the sky that was now littered with tiny stars, the she hears the soft wind rustle through the trees surrounding the Cullens home, it helps her calm down... her magic feels calmer ... but still a bit erratic she bites down the urge to just let it out. She knows the next part of the tale won't be as PG as the rest.
"Suffice to say I believed he had my mom, I might not like Renee much but she is my mother, back then I didn't realize how toxic our relationship was ... so her being in trouble because of me made me dash to her safety ... like I could do much anyway .. I didn't really think about what would happen when I reached the ballet studio to be honest. My mind was filled with how to get away from two vampires, one with the gift of precognition, so you can imagine it was quite difficult. I tried actively not making decisions that would be seen but Alice ... her gift was tricky but it has it's blind spots" she grins before it fades " spontaneity is her blind spot she won't see anything if it's not planned so I managed to get away from them when we headed to the airport to pick up the rest of your family. I took a cab to the ballet studio and managed to get there in time.
The studio was dark, dreary , foreboding I called out for my mom because I heard her voice, walking closer to the middle of the room I realized it was a trap he never had my mom, she was still in Florida with her husband Phil ... he managed to get me away from my vampire protectors and into his web, of course the fucker was all too happy on speaking about my stupidity , how naive I was to just follow along —basically he mocked me for being human.
At the time I didn't care I only felt relief, relief that my mother wasn't stuck with the sadistic vampire but after my initial relief came the startling realization that I really had no way of fighting a vampire, he was faster than me, stronger than me in every way and I just played into his hands like a puppet on a string."
Rosalie grit her teeth, she wants to fault Bella for being so gullible but she can't bring herself too, she knows that if her mother was still alive she would do the same thing, she would risk her own life for hers.
She knows that she would do it now, she would risk her entire being to keep Bella from hurting so yes, she understands why the brunette did what she did but she still can't help being angry at the girl, her lack of preservation was alarming and was reaching critical points, she would let herself be at the hands of a sadistic vampire without any means to fight just because it was the right thing to do.
She nods her head pushing away her conflicting thoughts, wanting the girl to continue telling her the tale.
Bella sees the nod and continues, she wasn't in Rosalie's room anymore her mind already back in that dark room, surrounded by mirrors, taunting her of her own weakness , her own mortality.
"He had a video recorder , he wanted to record me begging for Edward to save me , I refused naturally, I wouldn't allow anyone else to get hurt —I've always been stubborn and it wasn't appreciated.
James had gone and told me about his hunts, the games he's played—bragging about how easily he managed to capture me in hopes that I would remove the one negative mark he had against his seeming spotless record. I realized what or rather who he was talking about because he said if he couldn't have her because she was a vampire now he would have me.. to replace her even though my blood didn't smell as good as hers did.
He taunted me, throwing me around the room like I weighed nothing— was nothing , trying to show just how superior he was to the fragile human, I cracked a few ribs , broke my wrist and my leg.
I was bleeding heavily, his eyes darkened to a liquid black at the smell of my blood, he made sure not to make me bleed to much... something about wasting food. I felt weak not just because of the blood loss but because I let myself be tricked ... there was no one to blame but myself" She shakes her head , she barely hears Rosalie say her name. She doesn't need her pity, she doesn't want to look into those topaz eyes she loved seeing pity it might just break her resolve.
"Bella" whispers rose , her voice was a plea , pleading the brunette to look at her, but her plea went unanswered Bella clearly wasn't with her , she didn't know think the enchantress heard her speak. She fights her own anger —rage at James she wants nothing more than to find the fucking tracker and make her eat his own arms, she wants to destroy him, make him suffer just like he made Bella. She hates herself for wanting to know the truth when the truth is clearly hurting her mate.
"I don't know how long I was there but to be honest with you it felt like forever, the pain of my body being bruised and battered , the pain at the possibility of never seeing my mom again and the pain of never seeing my father again when the last thing I told him was that I didn't want to be stuck in forks like he was.. knowing I caused him so much pain because of my words made me regret saying them in the first place —or even going along with leaving forks.
After a while of the never ending pain your family showed up , James had me by the neck, he refused to let me go even in the face of of seven vampires. My mind was fuzzy, the blood loss was getting to me and then I felt a horrible burn, a burn I wouldn't wish on anyone, it made every bone , nerve ache. I didn't know what happened but in the cacophony of voices I had one clear thought 'I'm dying' that was all I could think... after a while I realized what Carlisle was trying to tell me, he was telling me that James bit my wrist as I was in transition... I couldn't think —all I wanted to do was scream until my throat was raw, wanting the burning to subside but then Edward managed to suck out the venom something I guess he should be proud of because I'm his singer but he managed to put aside his own bloodlust for my blood and saved me.
But we both know that his instincts wouldn't allow me to become a vampire since my blood was like a drug to him and if I died and became one of you he would have no reason to keep me around anymore." She ended, she closes her eyes to will away the laughing face of James, his menacing smile the kind of smile that promised a world of pain. This being the first time she spoke about it and not just thinking about it makes her feel uncomfortable, angry and even more determined to kill him.
Rosalie swallows down her anger, her beast raged in her , wanting nothing more than track down the vampire who willingly caused her mate so much pain and anguish, but she knows that's not what Bella needs right now , she needs to be here with her mate, try to comfort her without pitying her.
"What happened to James?" She asks
Bella looks at Rosalie now, she fights the urge to look away from her eyes but she's surprised to see nothing but love in the slighter darker topaz eyes, she knows her mate is fighting against her own instincts to flee and find James but rather she stays with Bella.
"Alice, Jasper and Emmet tore him apart and burnt the parts" she smiles a bit.
"I'm sorry-"Bella cuts her off with a sharp breath.
"No, I didn't tell you this to garner your pity Rose , you said we needed an open line of communication , so I told you this because I didn't want to lie to you and push you away but if you're going to look at me like I'm some damned, broken girl ... just don't" her voice was hard, clear she didn't want pity, she wanted understanding , she craved understanding—understanding how hard it was to rehash her own weakness—understanding why she kept it away from Rosalie in the first place.
Rosalie stands up and walks across the floor closing the space between them, she hesitates before brushing her hand across Bella's cheek. Her caress is gentle, loving , she turns Bella to face her.
"Pity? I don't pity you... I can't ... Isabella you're so strong, stronger than anyone I've ever met. To be facing what you have and still be standing?" She questions, she sees the tears filling up the brown eyes.
"God Bella you have no idea how much I wish I was as strong as you, even after enduring what you have you didn't close yourself off, instead you decided to come back to a time where you knowingly had to face so many difficulties again. And I'm not talking about your powers that doesn't make you strong, it's this" she moves her other hand and places it across Bella's chest, directly above her heart, the strong thump emphasizing her point.
"Your heart is what makes you strong so no I don't pity you, I only wish you realized that you're not alone anymore, you don't need to go through all of this alone, you have me , and my family who would stand by your side so don't push us away... don't push me away please" the last word is a plea.
A small smile tugs at the enchantress's lips, she listens to the words of her mate it's spoken with nothing but adoration and honesty. For the first time in a long time she feels less alone than she has in awhile.
Bella cups Rosalie's face with her hands, "I would go through what I did a million times if it leads me to you"
"Then stay... stop pushing and just keep pulling me in Isabella.."
Bella's places a chaste kiss on the vampires lips, her tears finally leaving their home and making a new one down her cheeks. She murmurs against Rosalie's lips words she kept hidden from the moment she saw the vampire ... the moment she kissed her for the first time. Three simple words that couldn't possibly tell Rosalie how much she meant to Bella but for now she concedes and hopes that three words will be enough for a start.
"I love you"
AN alright so Rosalie finally knows the truth all of it. How will this affect things? Hmmm?
Kiss and make up and the first I love you hopefully it came across as I wanted it too..