A/N: There's a lot of dialogue in this, which is always a challenge. But, it's important, and you might catch a few hints of what's going on with Liv.

"Thanks for picking up the kids this morning, Lucy. I know it's a lot with all three."

"Don't worry about it, it's why I'm here."

Amanda placed one last kiss on Billie's beanie covered head and said goodbye before closing the door.

She was surprised when Olivia walked out of the bedroom, dressed in black slacks and a red blouse, not the yoga pants and knitted sweaters she normally wore at home.

"You're up? And dressed like that?" The blonde said with a confused look on her face as she joined her in the kitchen.

"I'm going back to work."

Amanda's eyes widened. "What, today?"

"Mhm."

"Wh- Since when?"

"Since today. I can't just stay home all day. I feel like I'm back to those first months of covid and it's driving me crazy."

"Have you cleared it with Garland?" The detective asked as she leaned against the countertop.

"Not yet."

"So, what, you're just gonna go back without telling him?" She sounded more annoyed than she actually was, and she hoped Olivia hadn't picked up on it.

"No, I just texted him. Have a meeting in an hour."

"Wow. Ok. Welcome back."

"Easy on the enthusiasm, Amanda." The brunette scoffed.

"It's not that, I've been missing you like crazy, you know that, but... you sure you're ready?"

"It's been six weeks. I'm healthy, alive, and I'm getting bored."

Olivia grabbed Amanda's half eaten bowl of yogurt and finished it while a set of blue eyes watched her.

"Plus, it's almost Christmas, so I can take a few vacation days then, preferably with you." She leaned in for a quick kiss and Amanda's worried face immediately softened.

"Look at you, taking care of yourself and shit."

"Speaking of Christmas, I have an idea." Olivia said as she placed the now empty bowl in the sink.

"Three weeks in the Maldives, just us, you in a bikini and me being drunk before noon? I'm in."

"Cute. But I was thinking maybe... Barba's cabin?"

"Ooh, I like it."

"Good, the kids will love it. I'll call him today."

"Christmas at the porn house."

"Amanda!" Olivia slapped her arm playfully with a semi stern look on her face.

"Sorry." Amanda giggled. "I meant the adult entertainment industry house."

Olivia didn't want to go back to work. At all. She absolutely dreaded the thought of it. But she didn't feel like she had a good enough reason not to. What happened had nothing to do with her job.

Richard Wheatley wasn't a perp they had chased down only for him to develop an obsession with her. He wasn't some newly freed inmate that she had helped put away twenty years ago. He wasn't a serial rapist or killer with a pattern.

This could've just as easily happened if she was a teacher, librarian or a doctor.

And so, she didn't feel like she had any good excuses to stay home anymore.

She needed to get back in the saddle, whether she wanted to or not.

She hadn't told Amanda this and she hated herself for it. But she figured after a couple of days back, things would go back to normal and she would remember why she used to love her job.

"And you're sure about this?" Garland asked as he eyed her carefully.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm ready."

"Ok, but just for the record, I don't want any excessive overtime and unnecessary dirty work. Delegate what you can."

"Yes, chief."

The closer she got to the precinct, the tighter her grip on the steering wheel got. For a second she wished Amanda didn't have court today, because it would've been a little easier to have her there. And then she mentally berated herself for how dependent she had become on the blonde.

"Captain!" Fin smiled when she walked into the squad room. "What are you doing here?"

Funny, just asked myself the same question.

"I work here." She smiled back, as much as she was able to.

"So you're back? For real?" Kat asked as she got up from her chair.

"Yes, I'm back." She tried to ignore how the words tasted like vinegar.

"Well, you're office is ready. No one's touched it, I didn't want you to come back to a mess."

Olivia gave Fin a quick grateful nod before opening the door to the room that represented so much. When she stepped into it, she suddenly remembered her dream in the hospital. The scattered case files, Munch.

There's more to life than SVU.

And speaking of life outside SVU.

She opened her mac and found Rafael Barba on her list of contacts. When his face showed up on her screen, her smile was genuine for the first time that morning.

"Hi Rafa."

"I've been meaning to call you, haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks. How are you?"

Good. Fine. Better. Pick your poison.

"I'm doing ok. First day back."

"Really? Cabin fever got you, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess. Speaking of cabins."

"You and Rollins need another getaway?"

The former ADA had put two and two together after the shooting and sent flowers to the hospital, with a note that said "Thinking of you both. Love, R." And Olivia had never felt the need to have the talk with him after that. He understood.

"Christmas, actually. Unless you were planning to use it yourself?"

"No, no, I'm actually spending Christmas in Europe."

"With?"

"Someone."

"Ok." Olivia chuckled. "Good for you."

"I'm coming to New York on the 30th, though. Maybe do something for New Years?"

"I'd love that, I'll check with Amanda, but don't think we have any plans yet."

"Listen to you. So domestic."

"I baked a cake last week, Rafa. From scratch. Domestic doesn't even begin to cover it."

As much as she had dreaded coming back, she was a little surprised at how fast time went by, and eight hours later she found herself caught up on every open case and most of what she had missed while being home. It didn't feel exclusively terrible.

"Picking Noah up now and taking him out for dinner. Leftovers in the fridge if you and the girls want some."

She typed the text quickly before starting the car.

Wiped out after her first day back, she figured it was as good a time as any for a very significant conversation with her son.

"So, Noah, I have something really important to ask you." She said as the waiter cleaned away their plates.

"I didn't give Frannie the berries that made her sick, Jesse did."

Olivia tilted her head and laughed. "Ok, good to know, but that's not what I wanted to ask."

"Ok. What?"

"You love Amanda, right? And Jesse and Billie?"

"Mhm. And Frannie."

"And how have you been feeling about them staying with us lately?"

"It's been fun. I always have someone to play with. And Amanda let's me have candy if I eat my vegetables."

"She does, huh?"

"Mhm. I don't think you were supposed to know that."

"Maybe not, but that's ok."

"Are they going back to Amanda's house?"

"Well, maybe for a little while, but that's actually what I wanted to ask you about."

Olivia carefully cleared her throat and sipped her coffee.

If I'm this nervous now, how the hell am I gonna go through with the actual proposal?

"How would you feel if Amanda and I got married? And we would all live together?"

Noah was beaming. "Did she ask you?"

"No, actually, I want to ask her. But it's super important that this stays a secret between you and me, ok? You can't tell Amanda or the girls."

"How long do I have to keep the secret?"

"Not long. Until Christmas."

Olivia and Noah were both a little giddy when she locked them in an hour later.

"What are you guys giggling about?" Amanda said as she leaned in to kiss the brunette on the cheek before ruffling Noah's hair.

"Nothing." They said almost in unison.

"Ok..." The blonde eyed them a little suspiciously.

"Noah, go get ready for bed, it's late."

She watched as he walked towards the bathroom and wondered how long their little secret would be kept between them.

"So, how was it? Your first day back?"

"Ok. Fine."

"Ok and fine, which means... it was kinda hellish?"

You know me too well, Rollins.

"It was a little... overwhelming."

"Talk to me."

"After I've said good night to Noah. Girls asleep already?"

"Mhm."

Fifteen minutes later, Amanda handed her a beer before they sat down on the couch.

"There's not much to say really. You know how it is, coming back."

"Yeah, but I'm not captain."

"It's pretty much the same, just more paperwork."

"But you did want to go back?"

What'll it be, Benson? Honesty or lies?

"I... I just know that I was starting to go a little mad just walking around the house all day. I wasn't cut out for hours of doing practically nothing."

It wasn't exactly a lie.

"You haven't done nothing, Liv. You've been spending more time with the kids, you've taken care of the apartment, I've gained like ten pounds because of all the delicious food, and more importantly, you've given yourself time to work through one of the worst things that ever happened to you."

"I couldn't have done it without you." Olivia said.

"Sure you could've."

"No, Amanda, I'm serious. First of all, I wouldn't even be here without you. And second... I couldn't have stayed home for six weeks without knowing that you were coming home to me by the end of the day."

"To be fair, I wouldn't be here without you either."

It didn't feel right, hearing Amanda say that. Olivia hadn't saved her life, not like Amanda had saved hers. In fact, Olivia often wondered if what happened with Amanda was all her fault. Maybe, without her, Jim Rollins wouldn't have tried to kill his own daughter.

"Where did you drift off to just now?" The blonde asked with her head tilted slightly.

"What? Nowhere. Just a little tired. Tell me about your day."

She motioned for Amanda to lay down in her lap. There was something weirdly soothing about running her fingers through those blonde strands of hair that she loved so much.

She smiled then, remembering Amanda's comment in the hospital about how she should've been a hairdresser.

Former SVU captain, now hairdresser. Could've been worse.

"Nothing to tell. Court. A pretty straightforward case. Lots of waiting around. Lunch with Carisi."

Olivia had no idea why she felt jealous, but she did.

"Is he still seeing Nicole?"

"Mhm. She met his parents last weekend."

"Wow, the parents, so it's getting serious."

"Guess so." Amanda said, not sounding disappointed or sad about it at all, and so, Olivia's jealousy dissolved as quickly as it had appeared.

"You know, it just occurred to me, we never got to do that."

"Do what?" Olivia asked, looking down at the blonde in her lap.

"Meet the parents, like, in a normal way."

"My mother would've liked you." The brunette said, sounding a little distant.

"I'm sorry I can't say the same about mine."

"Talked to her lately?"

"Called a couple of weeks ago, felt like I had to fill her in on... everything."

"You didn't tell me."

"You've had enough to deal with, Liv."

Olivia shook her head. "Nope. We're not doing that."

"What?"

"Behaving like you can't talk to me because I'm going through some stuff."

Some stuff. Almost getting blown to pieces, but whatever.

"I need you to talk to me, Amanda. I mean it."

"Ok, I will, I promise."

"So how did it go, the talk with your mother?"

"Well, she did say she was sorry to hear about your 'ordeal', and I didn't hang up in the middle of our conversation. So I guess that's something. I just can't get myself to forgive her after the things she said. But you know, still my mother, still the kids grandma."

"I get it."

An odd and somewhat loaded silence settled between them as Olivia continued to drag her fingers through Amanda's long, wavy hair.

She didn't exactly know what made her do it, but suddenly the words tumbled out of her mouth.

"We need a bigger apartment."

"Together?"

"If you want to?"

"I would love that."

A/N: Moving in together, eeek! Will Noah spoil the surprise? Will Olivia even go through with the proposal? Is she doing better or is she kinda spiraling? TBC.