"[Sehnsucht is] that unnameable something, desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of The Well at the World's End, the opening lines of Kubla Khan, the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves… [Sehnsucht is] the inconsolable longing in the heart for we know not what."

from Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis

There was no denying that the years following the Pevensies' disappearance were hard times in Narnia. Nothing bad enough could return the kingdom to the state it had been in under the rule of The White Witch, but there was a reason people referred to Peter's time on the throne as The Golden Age of Narnia.

Peter and Evelyn's daughter, Freya, was still too young to rule, so Evelyn was forced to rule as consort until the young girl became of age. With the news of Peter's disappearance, Narnia had been threatened with war and invasions in its weakened state. Evelyn's job as queen consort became increasingly difficult as the years passed, having to constantly travel to foreign lands, coordinate battle plans, and arrange peace treaties all to keep the peace for her people. Calormen had thankfully learned its lesson and had remained quiet during this strange time, but Telmar seemed to be the new threat at Narnia's doorstep.

When Evelyn wasn't cooped up in council meetings or on long journeys, Evelyn spent most of her free time riding. It had been almost five years since she had last seen Peter and since she had last lain eyes on Aslan. However, the birth of her daughter had changed her, just as her marriage to Peter had changed her. She no longer felt alone, no longer yearned to be back home now that this precious child tied her to Narnia. Freya was beautiful, with big blue eyes, golden hair, and strong and healthy like her father. But riding was the only time when Evelyn had any time to herself, able to remember her childhood and her married years with Peter before Freya.

Peter's disappearance had also forced Evelyn to step out of the shadows. There had been only once where there had been a serious threat of invasion from Calormen, but Evelyn had found great satisfaction in riding out to meet her former slave owners and waving her power in their faces. Her faith in Aslan's decisions had remained true, and she learned that this was Aslan's way of testing and strengthening her. With no one to hide behind, Evelyn was forced to become a strong leader, even if other kingdoms tended to undermine her without her high king by her side.

On this particular day, it was dreadfully hot on her afternoon ride. Rather than continue down the normal route she normally took, she opted for the more covered route, as the sky was threatening rain. Her hair now billowed down below her waist, blonde and wavy, and she knew it made her recognizable for her people. She was no longer afraid of traveling by herself, as both Ira and Brassmist had taught her how to defend herself not only in hand-to-hand combat, but on her horse as well. She smirked slightly as she felt Akion's dagger at her side, remembering the times she had sparred with Peter back in Ettinsmoor all those years ago.

Poor Ira. When Evelyn had returned to Cair Paravel and told her the news of the Pevensies' disappearance, Ira had returned to The Wild Lands of the North with Eddie the following morning. They hadn't heard from her since. Akion and Mr. Tumnus had been concerned that Ira might make a claim to the Narnian throne through Eddie, but it had been quickly dismissed by the council. Freya was the rightful heir as the high king's daughter, even if she was younger than Eddie and a girl. Brassmist had laughed at the idea of Eddie taking the throne, calling him the Just King's bastard. Many had agreed with him and the subject was dropped, now both Ira and Eddie merely shadows of a memory.

Evelyn was dwelling on this particular subject when she heard the trickling of water in the distance. Her mouth was dry from the heat, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth, and she was unable to resist the temptation of stopping, even with the rain threatening to pour down any minute. She guided her horse to the welcoming sound. They came across a small stream, crystal clear with smooth stones underneath. She dismounted her horse, grateful to be able to stretch her legs, when she caught something shimmering in the corner of her eye.

Just beyond the stream was a series of strange looking pools, each filled with the same clear water. There was something about them that jogged her memory, something she couldn't quite place. She went to the nearest one, grabbing handfuls of water and slurping noisily to quench her thirst.

When she had finished and the water had settled, she stood wide-eyed at her own reflection. When she had first come to this place, she had come as a small girl with two blonde-plaits, barely able to stand straight and look others in the eye. Now here she stood as a great queen of narnia, a woman nearly thirty years-old with a child. The golden crown on her head glimmered and she admired the way her hair billowed down around her shoulders. As she was admiring herself, she noticed in the reflection of the trees that there was smoke filling the air. With her heart racing, she whipped around to see what was burning. But there was no sign of smoke, only the cloud filled sky above. In fact, as she sniffed the air, there was no sign of anything burning.

As she glanced back at the pool, she noticed that the reflection of the forest was different than what actually stood before her. These trees were skinnier and the forest less dense. The sky was overcast and hazy, not filled with rain like the one currently above her head. There was a small girl crouched at the base of a rather large tree in the reflection, trembling with two blonde plaits down her back.

Evelyn glanced up at the sight of something in the distance. Between the Narnian trees, she locked eyes with a great lion. He smiled softly, a twinkle in his eye, before gently nodding to her.

She suddenly felt herself being pulled forward, straight into the pool. The young girl in the reflection looked up, catching her gaze. Evelyn let out a gasp, trying to call out to Aslan, before she was submerged into the cool water.

Evelyn's eyes focused slowly. The first thing she saw were her hands, so small and delicate. Her arms were covered in dirt and tiny scratches that stung painfully.

Where was she?

She stood, but nearly stumbled when she did so. Why was she so short? She glanced down to see herself in scuffed shoes as well as a torn skirt and frock. She could feel her hair was plaited into two pigtails down her back, much shorter than she had been wearing it earlier.

"Aslan?"

Her voice also seemed incredibly small and high pitched. She glanced around wildly, searching for the pools that had been in front of her just a few moments before. They were nowhere in sight. There was another small stream just a few feet away which she ran to, her heart pounding.

The reflection she saw staring back at her rendered her speechless. The woman she had been staring at earlier was gone. Instead, she was looking at a young child, frightened and confused. The forest around her was different from the Narnian one she had been traveling through, yet it was eerily familiar.

As she stared at herself, the smell of burning metal suddenly made her turn around. There was a smoldering object sitting on train tracks just beyond the trees of the forest.

Freya?

She took a few hesitant steps forward, trying to make out the scene in front of her. There was a train car toppled on its side with wisps of smoke coming from the broken windows and doors. It was deathly quiet, not even a breeze to break the stillness around her. There was another train car beside the one on its side that was barely recognizable. It was blown open, with strange figures twisted inside that made her look away. She felt tears begin to spill down her cheeks. Strange, she hadn't cried this easily since she'd been a little girl.

Memories from that night on the train car so many years ago came washing over her. She could suddenly envision Mama's face, Freya's scared expression moments before the explosion, and even the look of defeat on Papa as he was dragged from their apartment in the middle of the night. She remembered the loud explosion, the flying glass, and the burnt hand that had reached out to grab her as Freya and she had tried to make their way out.

As she looked at the train car on its side, she did her best to swallow her fear that nearly paralyzed her. Freya could be inside and she could need help. Evelyn's legs seemed to work without her knowing, bringing her to the train car's entrance.

Evelyn had to bring a hand to her nose and mouth. The smell of burning flesh was overwhelming and the smoke made her cough and her eyes water. Everything around her was scorched, indistinguishable.

"Freya!" she called, coughing once more. There was no reply. "Freya!" Evelyn cried again, her voice growing more desperate. She stepped inside, stepping over bodies, searching for any sign of her sister. When she reached the back of the car, there was a body smaller than the rest lying beneath one of the toppled benches, burnt through. It seemed to be about the same height as Freya, but Evelyn was unable to look any closer.

The smoke became unbearable. Too hoarse to cry out for Freya anymore, she abandoned the train car, gasping for air as she collapsed on the grass outside. There was still no sign of her sister.

She was truly alone.

She began to cry, the frightened sobs of a child. Her whole life she had looked for Aslan to beg him to bring her back here to find Freya. And what came of it? Only to discover that that shriveled corpse in the back of the train car was all that was left of her sister.

Peter had been right. Why should any of them have desired to leave Narnia when this hell was waiting for them upon their return?

Fear clutched at her heart once more when she thought of Peter. Where was he? Was he one of these soldiers that would certainly be roaming these forests at night, looking for Germans to kill? Evelyn had seen Peter fight in battle many times as a great swordsman, but the idea of him carrying a rifle to face German machine guns was too much for her.

And their daughter!

The tears were now unstoppable. Her heart seemed to have broken in a thousand pieces. Her poor daughter had been forced to grow up fatherless. Was she now to be motherless as well? Who would care for her?

Sudden voices in the distance made her head pop up. At first, relief washed through her seeing someone was coming to her rescue. But as the voices came closer, she recognized the harsh German language, something that was almost foreign to her ears as she had only spoken English with Peter and his siblings all those years at Cair Paravel. When she saw German soldiers begin to emerge through the line of trees, running to the train cars to investigate, she retreated back into the forest, praying she would go unnoticed. Her travel and identification papers were lost and there was no telling what would happen to her if she was discovered without them.

She found herself at the base of the same large tree she had taken refuge at the night before she stumbled into Calormen. She looked wildly around her, trying to decide where to go, when a glimmer of gold appeared.

Sehnsucht.

Evelyn's German suddenly came rushing back. She stood, feeling an irresistible urge to follow the great lion through this strange forest.

"Aslan!" she called, clumsily tripping over branches and tree roots. She felt like a fool, rushing after him after spending all those years wanting to be back in this godforsaken place. She wanted to beg him to return Peter to her, return her to her daughter. But the lion never turned around, instead barreling ahead, Evelyn barely able to keep up.

She followed him for what must have been hours. The sky slowly darkened until the hazy clouds cleared, revealing a blueish-orange color. She was soaked through with sweat and dirt clung to her skin. Her aching feet begged for relief, the soles of her cheap shoes hanging limply with every step she took. She stopped to rest, leaning on a tree and panting heavily. When she looked up and into the forest, she could no longer see Aslan. Instead, in between the trees she saw a small town, its houses lit with gentle fires in their hearths and windows glowing with light and the bustle of people inside. The townspeople were milling about, peaceful, as if the war didn't exist in this place.

Sehnsucht.

She made her way to the town square, not recognizing the flag flying on the large church in its center. This certainly wasn't Germany, nor was the flag German. The swastika that seemed to decorate every building in Berlin was nowhere in sight in this strange place. The flag was red with a white cross in the middle. Was this church part of the Red Cross?

The large doors to the church swung open, revealing a priest with graying hair. He saw Evelyn's weary appearance and came to her side.

"Are you alright, child?"

Evelyn looked up at him, dazed and barely able to keep her eyes open. "Where am I?"

"You are in Buchs," he said gently, bringing a hand to her forehead, concern evident.

"Is that in Austria?" she asked, growing self conscious as the townspeople were beginning to stare at her through their open doors and windows.

"No, my dear," he said. "You are in Switzerland."

Switzerland. She had done it.

She fell to her knees, clumsily caught by the priest. After all these years being trapped in Calormen, and then Narnia, she had finally completed the journey Mama had set out for them. But yet here she was without Freya, without Peter, and without her daughter. Her heart was filled with sehnsucht, but to where she yearned to go or return to was left unanswered.

If she was here on her own, what had it all been for?

Don't forget to R&R!