Hello, here's chapter 32. Hope you enjoy it!
Beta reader: RealTerminal
I do not own RWBY and make no monetary gain from this. Writing is for entertainment purposes only.
Ruby felt horrible. She followed her girlfriend with her gaze until she was out of sight, each step away only cementing the realization that she had blundered badly.
Everything was going so well and then I just had to ruin things! I should've talked to her before insisting we should hold hands. How do I fix this?
An uneasy feeling swirled in the pit of her stomach, threatening to break out into panic at any moment. Not thinking through her actions enough, she had tried to pressure her girlfriend in the one area where she knew Weiss had a deeply-rooted complex. It was inexcusable. She had done a small bit of reading on that topic and knew that there was a fine line between being encouraging and taking things too far.
And I definitely overstepped my bounds here, ruining our first day back. What a mess.
Blake saying her name pulled Ruby out of her glum musings. "What?"
"I said, are you ready to head back?" Blake asked again, throwing her a worried look. It didn't appear like she had much of an appetite either. Ruby looked around, and JNPR showed the same level of unease. Her mood fell even further. She had even managed to ruin the dinner for everyone.
Ruby nodded. She wouldn't be able to have any more food right now. "Yeah, let's go," she confirmed slowly, sounding just as depressed as she felt. "I'm sorry everyone."
"Don't worry about it, Ruby," Jaune said.
"Let us know if there's anything we can do for you and Weiss, but like Jaune said, try not to worry, things will be fine," Pyrrha added, doing her best to sound soothing.
Ruby shot them a forced smile and stood up with her tray, Blake and Yang following. Her friends concern was appreciated but unfortunately wouldn't bring any comfort to her right now. "Thanks, I will. For now, I'll give Weiss a bit of space and then try to patch things up."
They walked back to their dorm room in silence. Ruby felt that discussing what had happened in front of JNPR wasn't appropriate since Weiss had reacted so strongly - even if they were really good friends. This was a team RWBY matter, or more specifically something between Weiss and her.
Once the door shut, Ruby flopped down on Weiss' bed. The pillow smelled faintly of her girlfriend's perfume, sending another pang of guilt and regret through her. She had really messed up today.
Yang let out a weary sigh and seated herself in a chair next to the desk. "That was all kinds of miserable. How are you doing, Rubes?"
Miserable was the perfect way to describe it. She certainly felt miserable. There was a deep-rooted sense of apprehension within her, just like when she was small and had accidentally dropped her dad's favorite vase and it cracked into dozens of pieces. Like everything was one step away from going horribly wrong and she couldn't do anything to fix it.
"We never spoke of it," Ruby said quietly and curled in on herself, burying her face in the pillow again. The faint traces of Weiss' perfume taunted her, and she wanted nothing more than to hold the girl in her arms and tell her she was so very sorry for what she'd done.
"What do you mean?" her sister asked.
"We never talked about how comfortable Weiss would be with showing our relationship in public. I shouldn't have assumed she would be okay with things right off the bat!" Even to herself, she sounded upset.
"Maybe not, but what's done is done, and now you'll have to make up. I know Weiss and you will be able to talk it out, so don't beat yourself up over the what if's, Ruby," Blake consoled. She reached above her head and undid her bow, putting it on the desk.
"But how do I fix this?" Ruby asked and sat up. "Do I go to her right now or is it better to wait?" Her shoulders slumped. Besides that time they'd shouted at each other when Blake came out as a former White Fang member, she had never argued with Weiss. Sure, some days they could momentarily bicker over when to do laundry and who would do it, what homework to focus on, or one of them just needing a bit of space then and there, but those were unimportant matters. Ruby had until today never caused Weiss to actually feel hurt by her own doing.
"Look, I'll go and speak to Weiss, alright?" Yang announced. "Then I'll let you know when it's time to come out so you two can talk and make up and make out." A wink accompanied the quip.
Ruby was so glad she had a caring big sister, the corners of her lips quirking up into a smile from the joke, her spirits raising a bit. "Okay, thanks. I'll just wait then." If anyone could lay the groundwork for making everything right again, it was Yang. "Wait, do you know where she is?"
"Not sure, but probably the gardens, right? I'll text her as well," Yang explained. Ruby nodded and Yang grabbed her Scroll and opened the hallway door, turning around and giving her an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. "Don't worry, things will be fine, Rubes."
When the door closed, Blake sat down next to Ruby on the bed and gently rubbed her back. "Yang isn't saying that just to comfort you, you know. Weiss may be upset now, but she'll calm down eventually." Her voice was soft and understanding, putting Ruby at ease.
Ruby nervously poked with her toes on the floor, drawing whimsical patterns as she thought.
"Sometimes, people forget to communicate clearly or even if they do, still mess up. It happens and is just a part of life," Blake continued.
Ruby sighed, trying to take the words to heart. She appreciated Blake's advice a lot and knew that her friend was correct, but it wasn't able to overpower the apprehension festering within her. "I know… it's just… the timing was the worst."
Blake nodded, patting her back softly. "Yeah, after how inseparable and infatuated you've been with each other, it's a shame this happened. Things will be fine though. You two still love each other, and I know you'll talk it out."
Ruby looked at Blake and saw that she was completely serious, her golden eyes conveying nothing but sincerity. She smiled, her spirits raising. If she took a step back and didn't let her anxiety cloud her thinking, she knew that she and Weiss still loved each other. How she would make up with Weiss was still up in the air, but Blake was right. Her and Weiss' bond was strong.
We'll be fine. I'll apologize and we'll talk about what she's comfortable with and go from there. There's no way this will be the end of our relationship.
"Thanks, Blake. I feel a bit better now." Blake flashed her a smile. "I just wish Weiss didn't feel like her sexuality is shameful. Actually, have you ever felt that? I never really understood what the fuss was about," Ruby asked.
She was curious what it was like for someone else,but had so far not asked Blake in case her inquiry would stir up bad memories. As for herself, she could acknowledge that she had been incredibly lucky in that regard; her family and the entire environment she'd grown up in had never condemned same-sex relationships. Ruby supposed that, in a way, she was the sheltered one here, insulated from what was, in some places of the world, was still frowned upon.
"I used to, but I don't think that notion was nearly as strong as it is for Weiss," Blake admitted, her gaze unfocused as she lost herself in memories. "It didn't require too much effort from me to just ignore it until it faded away. Growing up, differences in sexuality wasn't looked down on in particular, though maybe it helped that I had already been involved with a guy," Ruby noticed how Blake's eyes hardened and how her ears wilted, "Since I had some relationship experience under my belt, unhealthy as it was."
That made sense to Ruby; Blake had never indicated her preferences bothered her. "Would it bother you if someone said mean things to you if they see you with a girl?" She asked, knowing to stay clear on the subject of Adam, a name Blake had mentioned only once in the aftermath of the fight she'd had with Weiss. Ruby could still vividly recall the mixture of anger and disappointment Blake's voice had held then.
"No, it would be their problem, but I would hope that they stumble over their own feet in the next second." Blake joked, chuckling to herself and seemingly shrugging off the bad memories.
Ruby let out a laugh at that and allowed her thoughts drift to Weiss again as she accepted that for the moment, all she could do was to wait.
Weiss sat on a bench in the far corner of the Beacon gardens. Hedges, bushes, and flowerbeds gave her ample privacy as her mind whirred, analyzing the past hour. Two of her fingers nervously played with her skirt.
Yes, Ruby was at fault for assuming they could maintain the same level of physical intimacy as on Patch. Weiss clearly recalled that she had said so when she first took her hand on their first date there.
Yes, Weiss knew she was also at fault for not communicating this at all since then. She sighed in exasperation over her foolishness; she should've known better. In the end, had she merely spoken with Ruby and set the boundaries better, none of this would've happened.
The thought experiment of putting herself in Ruby's shoes yielded a greater understanding of just how much Ruby must've wanted to show off their love in public. In her girlfriend's mind, Weiss had conveyed the attitude that she no longer wished to hide. Holding hands, kissing, flirting, and sitting cuddled up together in the town of Patch… all of those actions had practically screamed that matters were fine. No wonder Ruby had reached out without asking.
I messed up, as Ruby would've put it. How am I going to fix this?
Shame welled up in her when she recalled Ruby's despondent look in the cafeteria. It wasn't right towards Ruby to insist on concealing they were a couple, nor was it healthy in the long run. Weiss knew that deep down.
I want to be together with her for a long time and sooner or later I'll have to stop being so afraid. Can our relationship survive if I'm not moving forward?
Imagining Ruby breaking up with her was unbearable and a fresh wave of anxiety swirled in her stomach, making her feel nauseous again.
All of this because of her father and her upbringing. So many days of feeling shame and being scared someone had found out she liked girls. Even now when she'd effectively broken free from his influence, old habits and patterns continued to haunt her.
It was both saddening and enraging that she hadn't been able to reach out and grasp the freedom she sought. At Patch, she had revelled in it, far away from her everyday life, and not being able to continue to do so felt like a defeat.
She sat there for a while, so lost in thoughts she nearly missed the sound of footfalls approaching. Looking up, she found Yang standing just a few feet away.
"Hey, Weiss. How are you doing?" Yang asked. She had her hands in her shorts pockets and an easygoing smile on her face.
Weiss wasn't sure if she wanted the company or preferred to be alone, but decided that it couldn't hurt to try and open up to Yang now that her friend had sought her out. Venting her thoughts was probably for the best, and Yang always had plenty of good advice to give. Besides, she had responded to Yang's text message so she had on some level given her the okay to seek her out.
Weiss shrugged. "Better than before. I just wish I had reacted better in the cafeteria," she explained, unable to stop a disappointed sigh from escaping her as she refocused on the recent mishap. "Sorry for ruining the dinner… I'll apologize to everyone later."
Yang just waved away her apology. "It's fine, Weiss. I came here to check on you on the off-chance you wanted someone to talk to. Mind if I stay?"
"Yes, that's fine. I appreciate your concern for me," Weiss replied, giving Yang a smile that most likely only looked tense and bereft of joy.
Yang walked over and sat down on the bench, slinging an arm around her. It was comforting and also reassuring that Yang wasn't angry at her for upsetting Ruby. Not that Weiss had seriously entertained that notion, but it had nonetheless been a small but irrational worry.
"It's still that scary to show off that you're together?" Yang asked and pushed a stray lock of hair away from her face.
Weiss bit her lips. "Yes," she shifted around on the spot and clasped her hands together, "I'm not comfortable with it yet, but the problem is that I didn't tell her. I should have told Ruby what I was comfortable with and asked her for more time."
That's not what's really bothering you, Weiss Schnee, and you know it. That was just a symptom of the root problem.
Yang hummed. "True, that would probably have prevented it, but I don't think sis should've assumed either. Though... are you being honest with yourself now?" Yang peered at her questioningly. "Is you not giving her a heads-up really what's bothering you?"
Yang was of course as perceptive as always.
Feeling a growing weariness in her from the stress, Weiss allowed herself to slump a bit on the bench and rubbed her forehead. "No, I'm not. Being open with my sexuality is very difficult, because I still find it frightening." Sometimes, Yang's perceptiveness was both a blessing and a curse. She didn't like to talk or even think about that subject. Perhaps though, that was maybe precisely what she needed.
I'm glad she's my friend.
Weiss took a deep breath, deciding to let it all out. "I hate it. I hate feeling powerless, I hate feeling shame, and most of all, I hate how it holds me back. Ruby deserves better than us hiding, and I deserve better than to be terrified and freeze up."
Vocalizing it was liberating, if also painful. She didn't like to admit how deeply her fears bothered her, but there was no turning back.
Yang rubbed soothing circles over her back, a thoughtful look on her face. "I've said it before, Weiss, but nobody will judge you. And if on the off-chance that someone is dumb enough to say something nasty, I'm going to punch then." Yang mirrored Ruby's earlier move and punched in the air. "Still, take the time you need. You have your entire life in front of you, so what's another few months?"
Weiss chuckled weakly, feeling how her spirit lifted a bit. "Thank you, Yang, I know all of you have my back. It's just… all in my head at this point." She sighed, absentmindedly tracing the contours of one of the bench planks with a finger, adding, "I know what I want, and I don't intend to hide forever. It's just difficult to admit that I wasn't able to be next to Ruby like I wanted, when I did just that no more than a day ago."
"You'll get over your fears, Weiss, I know that. Compared to when you two started dating, you're already miles ahead," Yang comforted. "You also have to keep in mind that you were very brave on Patch. Feel proud over that and don't go around thinking you have to rush along."
Weiss rubbed her forehead. She appreciated Yang's encouragement, but it still gnawed on her. She couldn't keep floundering around like this forever, never moving forward. "I think part of the reason why I'm so hard on myself is because I know that hiding that I'm together with her isn't healthy. There's obviously going to come a day when I can't skulk around in the shadows anymore. I knew she deserves better, and you do that as well."
Yang rolled her eyes, taking the rebuttal in stride. "Weiss, what did I say about not rushing along?"
"I know, Yang," Weiss replied. "It's just… I'm not wrong, am I?"
Yang shrugged. "Long term, if we say a couple of years, then yeah, you're right that it would be problematic if you were still not comfortable with coming out in public. However, it's been a few months. Just be patient and the rest will follow."
Conflicting feelings rose in Weiss. She knew Yang was right… but at the same time her friend's reassurances weren't giving her much comfort. Thinking back to an idea that had sprung up during the misery that was dinner, she decided to voice it to get Yang's input. "I understand what you're saying, but I think I may need therapy."
"Sure, try it. Worst comes to pass, you'll find that you don't need it. I'm all for it if you think that's what you need," Yang explained calmly.
"I'm not sure yet," Weiss clarified, adding, "Though perhaps I need someone to help me cope with matters and ideas that go back to my early childhood." Saying it like that was odd. Therapy was something that happened to other people - not her. Yet, Weiss knew she was wrong, only enabling an unfortunate stereotype.
She grew quiet for a moment as she considered the pros and cons of it.
"Weiss," Yang said to get her attention. She then hummed thoughtfully and leaned against the backrest as she search for words. "Just try to not be so stressed out over it. A lot of your fears will be alleviated if you speak about it to Ruby, so I really think you should do that. Besides, and don't see this as me throwing my sister under the bus here, but Ruby shouldn't have assumed you would be alright with going public."
Weiss took a moment to consider Yang's words. "No, she shouldn't have, but I can understand why she did it, even if I felt quite hurt by it. She isn't is upset with me, right?" The temptation to ask that question had been too strong, even if she knew that was completely unrealistic. Ruby was better than that. If anything, she was upset at herself.
Yang scoffed, looking like she was unable to comprehend the idea. "Of course she isn't. She's beating herself up over how she acted, not anything you did."
Weiss exhaled and pushed down the irritation over her own anxieties manifesting themselves. "I see, that's so typical of her." Ruby was always so overprotective of her, a trait Weiss found really sweet, so she could imagine that Ruby was hurting just as much as she was - and that wouldn't do. She wanted to make up with Ruby and end the day on a happy note.
"For your own sake, don't shoulder all the blame, alright? You're very similar to Ruby with that, always thinking you're the one at fault," Yang said as she stretched her legs out in front of her and tilted her head back and forth to work out a sore muscle.
Weiss nodded. "I know… this is fairly new to me and since I don't have any prior relationship experience, my mind immediately assumes that I misstepped." Then she decided to say something that would make Yang understand she wasn't only blaming herself. "I was actually fairly upset at Ruby initially." In hindsight, Weiss was relieved she had asked to be left alone, lest she'd said heated words she would come to regret. She wanted to make up with Ruby and come to some sort of agreement on what they could do and not, and ensure that Ruby was okay with everything.
Yang smirked. "So there's more bite in you than I thought. Good!"
Weiss blinked, caught off guard. "Good?"
Yang shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, I've thought of how you used to cling to Ruby's every word a while back; You were terrified of doing something wrong and risk upsetting her. Had you met a girl who's not as kind as Rubes is, she would've steamrolled you, and that would've been one unhealthy relationship."
Weiss blushed from mortification. She knew Yang wasn't wrong. She had been nearly hysterical after she'd yelled at Ruby the night Blake revealed her past, fearing Ruby would break up with her, and both before and after that incident, the thought of causing irreparable harm to the relationship had been at the back of her mind.
"You're not wrong, Yang. I never really considered it like that before," Weiss admitted. She had been so incredibly insecure. Moreover, she knew she still was, though not to the same extent. Her months together with Ruby had grounded her and given her experience, allowing her a much more balanced perspective on matters.
"But you've grown a lot, Weiss. I saw that during Patch especially, where you spread your wings. You and Ruby are much more equal now than before. You tease her, you assert yourself and, well, you're more aggressive with showing affection, and do things because you want to, not because you think she wants to." Yang grinned at her and patted her shoulder, enjoying how her praise was causing Weiss to feel like her face was on fire. "Well done."
"Thank you," Weiss replied, looking down into the ground. She felt like a little kid who had received praise from their teacher.
She paused for a moment, debating whether to ask Yang something she was rather curious about. Hopefully, she wouldn't overstep her bounds. "Did something like that ever happen to you? Some mishap or miscommunication issue?"
Yang let out a laugh. "Sure did. I was actually super insecure and bumbled my way forward in my two relationships and failed miserably as s result."
Weiss hardly believed what she was hearing. It certainly didn't sound like Yang, who was so outgoing and confident. "I wouldn't have guessed," she commented lamely, not quite sure how to respond.
"I don't blame you, Weiss." Yang shifted on the bench so she was facing her and their eyes met. "The thing is that I only developed confidence after I learned from my mistakes. In my first relationship, I was only 14, and Beryl was a girl a year older than me. I thought she was really pretty and was terrified I'd mess up, so I was acting weird and that ruined it." She smirked. "She taught me kissing though."
Weiss listened with fascination. Yang had only briefly referenced her past relationships, but she'd never told them much else, and Weiss had never asked due to not wanting to come across as inconsiderate.
"And then there was Jacob. You know, the guy Blake and I paid a visit to last week." Yang smiled softly. "We didn't communicate as well as we should have. Our relationship was more physical in nature," when she admitted that, Weiss thought Yang actually looked rather flustered, "But it turned out our ideas of what our relationship should be were different. We didn't part on good terms, but now we're friends again." Then she winked at Weiss. "Ruby walked in on me and Jacob once, and I'm pretty sure she's managed to repress that memory entirely."
Weiss let out a laugh and Yang joined in. Once Yang had caught her breath, she spoke again. "So what I'm trying to say here, Weissy, is that we learn from our experiences. Communication is hard to do right, but as long as both you and Ruby are willing to put in the effort, you'll do fine and will bounce back from this in no time." Then she chuckled sheepishly. "Maybe it wasn't the best to bring up my two failed relationships as guidance, but in both cases we didn't talk things out and were honest with how it felt, so things went south. You two are already doing a lot better in that regard from what little Rubes has told me."
"Thank you for telling me, Yang. It helps to hear someone else's perspective on things." Weiss mulled it over some more. "I think both Ruby and I are to blame for what happened earlier," Weiss concluded somewhat sheepishly and glanced at her friend for confirmation.
"Yup," Yang confirmed, patting her back and shooting her a smile "Don't let it bother you, Weiss. Mistakes happen. What's important is that we learn from them and keep moving forward. So, do you want to see Ruby now?"
The hope Yang wasn't able to hide made a smile tug at Weiss's mouth. "Yes, of course I want to see her. I need to make up with her." Her heartbeat increased as anxiety over facing Ruby grew in her, but she didn't let it show.
Yang brought up her Scroll and messaged Ruby. It only took five seconds before a beep announced an incoming message. Glancing at it, Yang began to laugh. "Your little knight is already on her way. Ruby sure is eager to see you."
Weiss's averted her gaze, cheeks warm from the teasing remark. "Thank you for coming out here; I feel a lot better now."
"Don't worry about it, it's what friends are for." In the next moment, Yang swept her into a hug that was a bit too tight. Weiss decided to not struggle and instead twisted around on the bench to hug back.
She was relieved and happy again, though filled with a bout of nervousness from knowing Ruby was on her way. They hadn't patched things up yet, and while Weiss was certain it would go swimmingly, there was nonetheless a small sense of trepidation from the mere fact that things weren't completely well between them.
"Yang, thank you again. I'm really glad you're my friend," Weiss said, not forgetting her words on Patch. They were family, even if not by blood. She had three people she could always count on, no matter what.
"So am I." Yang let her go then. "I'll go and make myself scarce. Good luck, Weiss!"
Ruby held a brisk pace as she walked outside and headed towards the gardens. As soon as she'd received the text from Yang saying that Weiss wanted to see her and that she shouldn't worry, she'd at once felt elation and, ironically enough, worry.
Before she left, Blake had in addition taken the opportunity to advise her to be honest and talk until there was nothing left to say. It wasn't anything Ruby didn't know already, but being reminded was never a bad idea.
On her way, she met Jaune near a vending machine two hallways down.
"Oh, hey, Ruby," his eyes betrayed his worry, "Are you okay?"
Ruby giggled nervously. "I'll be soon. Yang's been with Weiss and she wants to see me now."
Jaune nodded contemplatively. "You'll do fine, Ruby. I don't think there's anything I can really say; no experience and stuff, but let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks, Jaune," Ruby replied. "I'll be in my way now."
"God's luck," Jaune called after her, giving her a thumbs up.
It took Ruby at most 10 minutes to reach the gardens. With the sun beginning to descend towards the horizon, the maze of hedges, bushes and flowers were enveloped in a beautiful golden hue. The fine gravel crunched beneath her boots as she walked, and Ruby focused on that to keep her nerves in check, only dimly aware of the flowery scents and beautiful views surrounding her.
Following Yang's message, she made her way through, until she was closing in on the far end near where the forest began. Throughout it, she hadn't met anyone else. She idly though it a shame that people didn't really go here, instead preferring to lounge on the lawns in front of the school. On the other hand, the gardens were relatively secluded in comparison, tucked away from any of the buildings exits.
After rounding a corner, she spotted Weiss on a bench next to a row of red rose bushes, high hedges around her and tulips opposite. Beyond those, the sun shone in through birch trees when the forest began.
Weiss was so beautiful, clad in the same plain skirt and t-shirt she'd worn all day, the sunlight cutting through the branches to warm her. Even from afar though, Ruby could see that nervousness marred her. She was sitting slightly leaned forward and gazed into the ground, appearing lost in thoughts.
Her heart rate shot up and her hands began to feel clammy; the act of making up with someone was a lot scarier when it was seconds away from happening.
Ruby, this will go well. Yeah, you messed up but you just gotta apologize and promise to be more careful next time.
Ruby slowed her walk and stepped a bit harder on the gravel to make her presence known.
It had the desired effect and Weiss looked up. Their eyes met and Ruby's heart ached when she saw the mix of weariness and nervousness Weiss was experiencing. She had caused this by being selfish, and she should have known better. She knew Weiss and she knew more than anyone else about the hardships she'd endured throughout her life, and yet all of that had gone out her head just an hour earlier.
"Weiss, I'm sorry," Ruby apologized immediately and walked close enough that only a mere two steps separated them. Shame flared up in her at having caused Weiss' despondent demeanor.
Weiss said nothing, instead standing up and embracing her. Surprised, Ruby returned the hug, letting one hand fall down to her girlfriend's lower back to pull her just a bit closer. The content sigh Weiss let out didn't escape her, sending a wave of relief through Ruby.
"I love you, Ruby," Weiss whispered.
Holding her girlfriend in her arms, everything began to feel alright again. Weiss was warm, soft, and smelled faintly of perfume and hair conditioner, mixed with the fresh scent of the outdoors.
"I love you too, Weiss," Ruby replied, nuzzling into Weiss's neck, letting herself be soothed by the feeling of the warm skin. The trepidation she'd experienced melted away into nothing as hope rose in her, and she pulled her in further.
They stood together like that, flush up against one another, for a moment. Ruby imagined their hearts beat in sync as their collective stress faded away.
"Sorry for ruining today," she whispered again, caressing Weiss' back and beginning to play with her ponytail.
"It's okay, Ruby. I was at fault too," Weiss eventually replied, planting a soft kiss at the nape of her neck.
The comforting gesture aside, Ruby didn't like that Weiss apologized, and so reluctantly pulled back enough to look at her. Their eyes met again and Ruby saw the same love and happiness she'd grown accustomed to. "But I'm really sorry, Weiss. I shouldn't have pushed you like that," she insisted.
Weiss sat back down and patted the spot next to her. "I appreciate the apology, but I do believe I was at fault too, so you shouldn't have to take all the blame." Ruby took a seat was about to object but Weiss shook her head. "I should have clearly told you that I wasn't sure how much physical contact in public I would be comfortable with yet."
Ruby wanted to argue against it, but realized it wouldn't be very productive and settled for allowing her girlfriend to shoulder a tiny part of the blame. Weiss could be stubborn and no doubt she'd object if Ruby tried to say it wasn't her fault. Like she had learned long ago, negotiation was the best way forward when Weiss had set her mind on something. "Maybe, but I know so much about why you feel scared and the trauma that's been building up throughout your life. I failed to keep that in mind."
"True," Weiss conceded. "If I'm perfectly honest, I felt hurt and angry when you pushed me like that. However, I would most likely have done the same, had our situation been the reverse. We freely showed our love on Patch, and of course you'd want to do the same thing here." Weiss looked tired for a moment, letting out a deep breath and seemingly deflating. "And I was swept up in that and believed it was a matter of pushing through what unreasonable anxiety lingered."
"But it wasn't as easy as that," Ruby filled in when Weiss didn't speak for a moment, taking her hand.
Weiss gratefully grasped it and intertwined their fingers. "Exactly. I felt frustrated with myself, and then the panic began to creep up and I reacted badly," she explained.
"I could've handled that a lot better," Ruby admitted, giving the soft hand she was holding a squeeze. "You're right that I just assumed things would be exactly at Patch, and I'm sorry for that. I was just caught up in how good everything was and looked forward to continuing that."
Why didn't I speak to her beforehand to confirm the boundaries? It would've been such a simple thing to do, but I guess hindsight is easy….
"It's okay." Weiss scooted closer until she was sitting flush up against Ruby. The action reassured Ruby and she cherished the familiar contact.
"To be truthful, the real reason I reacted so badly was because it was a setback after how I was able to be myself on Patch. Going from being comfortable with going on a date in public and kissing you, to not even being able to hold your hand…" Weiss' eyes left her and she seemed to sink together as she stared into the ground, her usual confidence gone. "It was like everything I had fought so hard for had crumbled into nothing, and that I was back on square one."
Ruby blinked as understanding dawned on her. This explained a lot. She had been so caught up in thinking she was the source of Weiss' distress that she failed to consider how much Weiss' own desire to conquer her fears had brought her down.
Still, she thought Weiss was being way too hard on herself. "Sure, it's a setback, but a temporary one. Imagine how much is different from just two months ago. In some ways, I can barely recognize you. You're so much more confident," she grinned, "and I find that really really attractive."
The smile Weiss shot her was genuine this time, and her cheeks had a small blush to them that made her all the more adorable. Then her smile faltered somewhat. "I don't want you to hide either. I know you'd love it if we could show affection without worrying who's around."
Ruby couldn't deny that, but it was an insignificant desire. "Sure, it would be nice, but not at the cost of you stressing yourself out, Weiss. I promise you that I don't see it as a problem. Some couples are very low-key about it. It's not much different, and pretty much all the people I want to know already know." Smiling at her, she began to play with Weiss' fingers, trailing them with her and tracing the outline of her palm. "Your comfort always comes first, alright?"
Weiss' eyes were filled with gratitude and they grew misty. "Thank you for being so understanding." In the next moment, Weiss leaned in and gave her a kiss.
Ruby didn't think it was possible to be so happy. She was smiling so brightly it almost hurt and leaned in, kissing Weiss back. Weiss' eyes drifted shut. "You mean so much to me, Weiss. Of course I want you to be happy and feel safe," Ruby whispered when she pulled back.
Weiss wiped the moisture from her eyes. "You dolt, now I'm crying." Even as she said that, her smile never left her face. She then evidently remembered something and began to giggle.
"What's funny?" Ruby asked, elation still coursing through her and occupied with trying to catch Weiss off-guard for another kiss.
"We forgot the important lesson of being honest with ourselves and to speak up when something was on our minds." Weiss glanced at her and looked rather sheepish.
Ruby suddenly felt very foolish. Her thoughts drifted to the conversation they'd had on the hammock just a bit shy of a week ago. They'd both cried and laughed then, and Ruby had thought she understood what open and honest communications meant. As it turned out, she hadn't, and neither had Weiss.
She was sure she held an expression that mirrored Weiss' perfectly. "Yeah, we kinda failed at that."
Relations aren't easy. I've read that several times but I don't think I really understood it until now.
Weiss hummed in acknowledgement and took her hand in hers again. "However, as long as we learn from it, we'll be fine."
Ruby wrapped her free arm around Weiss and coaxed her closer until nothing separated them, allowing Weiss to rest her head on her shoulder. The familiar weight resting against her felt so right. "Yeah, we will. Until then, we'll keep physical affection to the dorm room. You set the pace, Weiss. I'll be okay with whatever you decide."
Weiss sighed, but this time from contentment. "Thank you. You're quite irresistible, so I'll be sure to make up for time we'll spend outside our room." She turned her head and suddenly pressed her lips against Ruby's throat, letting her teeth graze over the soft skin and sucked lightly on it.
Ruby's breath hitched as memories of when Weiss had done that last time filled her. As Weiss had picked up on a while ago, her throat was very sensitive to that kind of stimulation. "Hey, that's not fair!" Weiss only laughed harder and cuddled closer again, even as Ruby felt her face flush red. She wasn't mad though, not by any stretch; Weiss was laughing and teasing her again, which meant one thing: they were back to normal.
Hence, retaliating for the teasing was completely fair. However, she quickly discovered once more that no matter how she tried, Weiss wasn't a ticklish person. Her hands shot to Weiss' sides, but her sudden assault merely caused Weiss to patiently wait until she gave up, which happened all of five seconds later. The smug smile her girlfriend donned was insufferable.
"I don't understand why you still try that, Ruby," Weiss commented.
Ruby giggled. "Because it would be fun if I succeed. Maybe there's a trick to it, like it only works at a certain time of the day."
"And maybe one day I'll wake you up by tickling the soles of your feet," Weiss retorted, sending Ruby her most challenging gaze.
"Please, anything but that!" Ruby pleaded in jest, remembering the time when Yang had so gladly offered Weiss pointers to her weak spots.
"I'll consider your plea and will deliberate on the matter," Weiss said haughtily.
Ruby then realized something. "Wait, we're back here… I think a hickey or two is fair game from now on, isn't it?"
Weiss blushed but didn't refute it, averting her gaze out of embarrassment. "If you want to."
Her response flustered Ruby too, but it was overruled by a flash of anticipation and desire. She loved to give hickeys, and there was just something very primal in her that found it satisfying when she saw those lingering marks. Maybe it was overly possessive, but Weiss liked it too, and like she had admitted, enjoyed when Ruby acted in a possessive manner, so Ruby didn't have a good reason to not do it.
As long as I'm discrete so she can hide any marks. If Yang sees them she's going to have a field day so we better keep being careful!
"To briefly go back to what we were talking about before," Weiss' face shifted to a more serious expression and Ruby nodded for her to continue. "I've decided that I will ask professor Goodwitch if I can speak with a counselor."
Ruby was surprised by this - she never figured Weiss as the kind of person that would seek professional help, what with her reluctance to share her problems to begin with. Ruby again felt a bang of regret over how thoughtless she'd been but did her best to shrug it off; Weiss had forgiven her, and it wouldn't do to berate herself when there was no need.
It's easier said than done though… Just to have to learn from today and make the best of it.
Weiss seemed to wait for her response, looking the slightest bit anxious, like Ruby's opinion would sway her to reconsider. "If you think it will help, then go for it. I can join you if you want to," Ruby offered.
"Thank you," Weiss turned her head again, this time planting a soft kiss on her cheek, "I'll have to see what a counsellor prefers. If there's nobody on campus that can help me, I'll seek one out in Vale instead. I'm tired of feeling scared and not being able to be myself."
Moisture and warmth from where her lips had been lingered. Ruby glanced at the beautiful girl who had again returned to nuzzling into her side. If speaking to a professional could help Weiss, then she was all for it. It helped her dad, after all.
And I'll help you too, in whatever way I can.
"You're very brave, Weiss, never forget that. Maybe you don't feel that way right this moment, but that's the truth. You're trying and you're pushing what you're comfortable with all the time." Ruby pulled her towards her again, nuzzling the top of Weiss' head. "Just a few months ago, you were so nervous a kiss was almost too much for you and JNPR didn't know we were together yet. That's a lot of progress in a pretty short while, so take some credit for that."
"Thank you, Ruby. I'll try to remember that, though it's easier to focus on what I haven't yet managed," Weiss admitted.
Ruby knew her girlfriend was right; it was the way Weiss worked when it came to challenges. Always focusing on the failures more than the success. Ruby knew she did that herself, but Weiss was more extreme about it thanks to her strict upbringing. "Then I'll remind you whenever I think you need it, okay?" She kissed the top of her head for good measure.
"Okay," Weiss replied and relaxed against her.
They stayed like that for a while, taking in the quiet sounds of the evening and the gentle wind blowing. Since it was late summer, the temperature was pleasant for a while longer and the last rays of the sun warmed their skin.
"Do you want to go back?" Ruby eventually asked.
"No, let's stay here for a while longer, if that's fine with you?" Weiss said.
Ruby hummed. "Yeah, that's fine. The gardens are a pretty great place." She looked around and seemingly noticed the beauty of her surroundings for the first time. "Scratch that, this place is beautiful. We need to study here one evening."
"Yes, let's do that. I've always liked gardens; it's one of my most beloved places on the manor grounds." Weiss suddenly looked delighted and pointed towards a branch. "Look at those sparrows over there. Aren't they cute? I wonder what it's like to fly."
Ruby followed her gaze and smiled as the cute little birds jumped around on the branches. Secretly though, she was cheering because Weiss had just all but confirmed that her idea of a date in Vale's botanical garden would be met with an enthusiastic response. "Yeah, me too. I've always been jealous of uncle Qrow," she replied before her lack of poker face could give it away.
Weiss cocked her head questioningly. "What does he have to do with it?"
"He's a shapeshifter," Ruby explained. "He can transform into a bird."
Weiss jaw dropped a bit. "There's no chance he can extend that to others, is there?"
Ruby shook her head and Weiss pouted slightly, looking absolutely adorable. "Nope, sadly not. I did always dream of being able to fly when I was really small."
"I would dream of the same thing," Weiss said, chuckling at the memory. "It was probably inspired by a cartoon I have a few memories from. I know the life of an animal is a lot more difficult and generally quite short, but it's hard to shake the notion that they live a very idyllic existence."
"Yeah, it is. I've thought of the same thing," Ruby replied. "But if I was to be be turned into a animal by some magic, I would want to become cat and find a home. I've always thought they are the the real winners in life."
Weiss laughed at that. "Oh, this reminds me of a picture book I had when I was small. The kittens were sentient and could talk and they went on adventures in their neighborhood. Exploring a common house was turned into a riveting tale, and they'd come back to a bowl full of food and a a cozy blanket in front of a fireplace every evening."
Ruby thought back to all the times Taiyang had read to her when she was smaller, fond memories filling her and making her smile. "I think Dad saved my collection someplace. Want to take a look at it the next time we're home?"
Weiss nodded, her eyes betraying her anticipation. "Absolutely. Reading them may be silly, but the nostalgia of it is very pleasant."
Ruby once again had to stop herself from losing herself in Weiss. This moment right now was precisely why she loved Weiss so much; they could talk or do anything and it would fill her with happiness and joy. They could be as silly as they wanted and neither would judge the other for it, yet still being able to poke fun if they felt like it.
It's pretty amazing that just half an hour ago I was nearly in a state of panic and now everything's great again. It's something to keep in mind for when we have a hiccup next time.
Continuing the train of thought, she knew what to ask next. "What kind of animal would you say I resemble?"
"Well," Weiss did her best to look neutral but failed miserably, "you remind me of a…" she paused for a moment and squirmed a bit, "a squirrel."
Ruby blinked. "A squirrel? Why?"
Now that she had to explain it, Weiss's face began to flush red from embarrassment. "Well, you're small, cute, have red-tipped hair, you're fast, and when you stuff your face with cookies you really do look like a squirrel who's foraging in preparation for winter."
Ruby tried to valiantly hold in a chuckle but it developed into her laughing hard enough to have to cling to the bench. Leaning herself against Weiss, she gasped for air. "A-a squi-r," was all she managed to get out before laughter overtook her once more.
When she managed to meet Weiss' gaze, her girlfriend looked both amused and puzzled. "You don't agree?"
Ruby only began to laugh again, prompting Weiss to huff in good-natured annoyance.
"Actually, I think you're pretty spot on," Ruby said once she'd caught her breath. "Squirrels are all of that, so yeah, but now that'll be all I can think about when I eat cookies."
Weiss poked her cheek. "Don't cram your face full of them, then," she advised and stuck her tongue out.
Ruby giggled. "I'll do my best. So, my turn now!" She glanced around the garden, confirming - just to be on the safe side - that they were alone. She had kept an eye and ear open for any visitors throughout their talk but nobody had showed up.
"You better don't compare me to a less than flattering animal like a badger just because I'm a bit short-tempered in the early mornings," Weiss warned, only half-serious with her demand.
"No no, more like something fluffy, cuddly and adorable." Smiling, Ruby took her girlfriend's hand. "Because, you, Weiss Schnee, are the most beautiful and kind girl I know. I love you and can't imagine life without you."
Weiss' face flushed a deep red and Ruby could feel the onset of blood rushing to her own cheeks. That had been so cheesy, but nonetheless true; moreover, it had thrown Weiss off of her game.
"You're not playing fair," Weiss complained half-heartedly.
"I've found that to be much more fun," Ruby began to close the distance, allowing her voice to grow deeper. Weiss caught on almost immediately, her eyes taking on an intensity that was so hot, before she started to lean closer as well, her eyes beginning to drift shut. "and rewarding," Ruby finished.
When Ruby felt Weiss' hot breath against her, she tilted her head ever so slightly and captured Weiss' lips in the next moment. Closing her eyes, she reveled in the moment. Her girlfriend's lips were dry, and Ruby began to slowly move her mouth to provide moisture, with Weiss immediately reciprocating and wrapping her arms around Ruby's neck to push herself closer.
She let out a subdued moan, her elation over the intimate act magnified by the fact that their relationship was now 100 percent back to normal. Ruby really couldn't imagine what it was like to go to bed and not give Weiss a goodnight kiss. She realized she had grown addicted to those soft lips, a fact she was perfectly comfortable with.
Her heartbeat picked up, and it was like she was kissing Weiss for the first time again, her chest feeling like it was bursting with joy. As their lips moved against one another, Ruby wished to simultaneously give Weiss the most tender hug and to pull her as close as she could and hold her tight.
I love her.
She placed a hand on Weiss' thigh and looped her other around her shoulders to pull her even closer. The fresh smell of lavender-scented hair conditioner mixed with that of the surrounding foliage filled her nostrils. Smiling into the kiss, she began to nibble at Weiss's bottom lip, tugging at it to show Weiss she wanted more. The small gasps and moans that escaped Weiss was music to her ears and Ruby deepened the kiss when her girlfriend opened her mouth.
They made out like that for several minutes, neither girl wanting to stop. Ruby's hand continued to rest on her girlfriend's thigh but she didn't push beyond that.
Eventually, they pulled apart, both breathless and painting for air. Their faces were red and both girls adorned equally silly smile, their eyes filled with elation and love. Silently, Ruby patted her lap and Weiss laid down.
While gently dragging her fingers through Weiss' hair, Ruby realized that she felt rather tired. The disastrous dinner episode had taken her toll on her emotions, and she'd tensed up to such an extent her muscles felt like she'd worked out.
Looking down, Weiss had closed her eyes, her features relaxed and bordering on serene from how much she enjoyed having her hair played with.
She's probably tired too. I'll let her rest for a while.
With her free hand, she pulled up her scroll and quickly typed a message to Yang and Blake to let them know they wouldn't be back for a while.
Everything is fine again! I hope the chapter was enjoyable!
Reviews are appreciated, no matter how long or short they are.