Chapter 32
Early
Disclaimer: I do NOT own My Hero Academia, or its characters. I DO however, own my OCs and my story.
.:+:.
... Trust... What does that mean when...?
.:+:.
The roof was thumping, the sound of bodies hitting the floor and wanton power being thrown everywhere... Fists and power alike being rammed into walls, floors, fence... people.
People who were screaming
But even that got offset by the sound of cheering, whistles and calls of merriment and sick, twisted, malicious amusement. A stadium full of people behind masks and hoods, faces hidden and dressed the best- wealthy and powerful and hidden... All of them watching, and loving what brutality was going on below them.
How much money must they pay... To be allowed in to watch...?
How much more do they spend... Betting on who wins... And who dies...?
... I already know... Who's not coming back...
Her body hurt, every bit of it... every bone, every muscle... she was so battered and broken, bloody, and dirty and her head was splitting with every second. Shivers running up her spine without end, her heart gripped by anger, and hate... and so, so much... heavy... terrible...
... It's here... Again... Always...
... Always there... At the edge of my vision... Getting closer...
There was a thundering boom, and a caterwauling scream that cut off abruptly. Silent.. silent except the shuffle of feet, the whispers, the hisses and the moans... the crying.
... closer... and closer... it never left...
... Death...
.:+:.
She jumped, heaving and her lungs rattling as she jolted up in the bed, the world and the room immediately dim and dark around her. It was quiet, so deadly quiet outside her shuddering breaths and the raspiness in her lungs, how hot they felt in her chest and her throat- a stark contrast with the icy cold sweat sticking to her skin. She was shaking, trembling from head to foot, and it did nothing to still her breathing in the slightest, nor did it help with the sudden flurry of panic and unease that slammed into her.
Her eyes darted frantically over toward the edge of her vision, searching the (rather barren) room in rapidity, breaths still frantic and heart beating painfully as she glanced in every corner, every empty space- everything.
For two seconds upon jolting up- for two seconds- she hadn't a clue where she was, or what was going on, or what had happened. For two seconds there was nothing but emptiness in her mind laced with terror, and it made her stomach flip in an instant... But the not knowing lasted only two seconds, before she forced herself a slower breath, only to end up coughing.
She hunched over a little, her hand covering her mouth as she sputtered and coughed for a few long, painful minutes. For three minutes she couldn't stop, she couldn't breathe- what little she managed just came back out, harsh and raggedy and her lungs absolutely ached for it. And then the fourth minute came around and it finally drew to a stop, and she swallowed back at it, her breathing hitching even more and leaving her gasping.
S...shit... I... I didn't know... I fell asleep...
Her face fell into her badly shaking hand, her shoulders hunching further than they already were and her body heaving, and shaking too without end. She pushed her hair back from her face, the tendrils sticking to her hand and forehead from the sweat- her breathing hitched again as she coughed, but even the cough hitched as she tried to bite back at it, and she almost choked on it.
She shuddered, her fingers trembling as she fumbled to find her phone on the nightstand. The light from it stung her eyes and blurred the image too much to make it out for a minute or so... And finally when it sharpened the time read;
4:13 am
She gulped, holding her breath for a few seconds in the hope it would make her breathing calm down... Though really it didn't do hardly anything, except make her lungs burn all the more.
...why... Why is that memory... Making my body... React like... this...?
Her eyes flicked over the bed and found no sign of Kesu, which somehow made her feel worse, and she swallowed hard.
Izaru moved herself off the bed, her feet trembling as they hit the cold floor and her body shaking more as she pushed herself into standing. She stumbled slightly, her steps faltering as she veered sideways without wanting to, before correcting and heading toward the bathroom. One hand found the doorframe as her other pressed against her mouth, trying to quiet the sound of the next few coughs in the silence of the room and the building as much as she could. She flipped the light on, the brightness making her head throb as she fumbled a bit with the doorknob and struggled slightly to close the door behind her... Damn it.
... I... I don't remember... The last time... I dreamt about... That place...
Her hands fell on the counter for support, her body leaning forward as her forehead pressed against the cold glass and her labored breathing started to fog it up. Her grey eyes glittered as they found the pill bottles lined up on the counter, ignoring her own figure in the mirror and still trying to just... Breathe.
She coughed, hissing soon after it at what sharp stab of pain ran through her chest.
... Some more of... Those things are... Trickling back... Getting stronger... In my... Head...
Her eyes dropped closed, she could feel her legs shaking still... From exhaustion, or hardly being able to breathe, or panic, she couldn't tell... Maybe all of it at once.
... why that...? And not... anything else...?
... those things from before the Pit... and Simon that I... have I forgotten, and probably more than I know...?
... and now... now I'm remembering more clearly... everything else...
Her breathing halted for a few long seconds, holding it in even though her lungs felt like they were on fire, and of a caliber that burned more than an inferno.
Damn it... Today is already... Starting off like... Shit...
Letting out the breath she was holding just made her cough more. More raspy, borderline wheezing... Damn it again
... Why now...?
Why... Why does it feel like... More is setting all of this off... And faster... Lately...?
... Was it always... This bad... This... Frequent...? Not being able to... To breathe...?
Her trembling hand left the counter as she swayed a bit, and caught herself. She hesitated a few seconds to make sure she didn't lose her balance again, before she reached out for the pen on the counter, grumbling internally.
... I hope... This... stops... Before its time to head out...
She clicked the pen, her hip leaning against the counter heavily and writing in shaky scrawl across her arm, swallowing hard again. She coughed halfway through, smudging the lettering for it, and she had to pause and hold her breath to keep her from doing it again, before finishing with the writing.
... Fuck... I hate... Sleeping...
.:+:.
Something tapped against his cheek, light, warm... A little too hard to be gentle. But he paid it little mind, as it was he wasn't in any state of mind to care... He was just...
... Tired...
...
... His sleeping got disrupted, again- pulling him that little bit more away from unconsciousness- he felt something jab his cheek this time, and a bit more roughly.
... What the... Hell...?
This time that same soft, warm thing jabbed the side of his face even harder- shattering the will to keep sleeping, and immediately waking him up enough to skip even a sort of dozing state.
His eyes snapped open, bloodshot and tired as he found the roof overhead from where he was in bed, his body cocooned by a familiar yellow sleeping bag. He glared at the roof for a few seconds, the room dim and dark (early morning if he had to guess), and grumbling lowly under his breath as his eyes shift sideways to match with yellow ones that seemed to glow in all the shadow. His eye twitched, a vein ticking on his forehead when he spotted the way in which the cat had it's paw raised, ready to strike him again- as it clearly had been doing while he was asleep, trying to wake him up.
Kesu's head tilted slightly as their eyes matched, seemingly gauging the expression on the Pro's face, or maybe even how awake he was- paw still raised and standing on the bed beside him.
"... What the hell do you want...?" Aizawa grumbled lowly, not at all pleased with the wake-up call. Kesu's still lifted paw moved a bit, gesturing passed Aizawa and toward the door, and the Pro's eyes shift in that direction slowly as he let out an agitated breath. "You got in, you can get out." Aizawa grumbled shortly, his eyes still on the small crack in the door just large enough a cat could get through it- and of which Kesu had come in sometime after 11 last night as Aizawa was going through papers. The cat had still been there even when Aiawa went to sleep and up until now... Now where he was being woken up before the crack of dawn for who the hell knows what.
Aizawa stiffened, his jaw clenching as Kesu's paw smacked against his cheek a bit harder this time, and his head snapped around in the cat's direction (only his head, seeing as how he was still wrapped up in the sleeping bag with only his face to see), completely annoyed now.
"Quit." He snapped quietly, Kesu's tail lashed slightly as his ears dropped a bit. "It's too early for this, why the hell are you bothering me?" He asked sharply. And of course, Aizawa knew by now those questions didn't amount to much with the cat, but he was too annoyed and much too tired to really care at that moment- much to Kesu's apparent agitation.
Kesu's paw snapped forward and hit him on the nose this time, Aizawa's lips curled in a scowl as his eyes flashed. He shifted immediately, his hand reaching to find the zipper on the sleeping bag and pull himself out of it- and the minute he started moving, Kesu hopped lightly over him and off the bed onto the floor. Aizawa sat up, the zipper pulling down as he dragged the sleeping bag off his shoulders and cast Kesu a small glare- the cat standing by the door now and facing him, waiting.
Aizawa's eyes narrowed, and Kesu tilted his head toward the door, gesturing in that silent way he could, and Aizawa grumbled quietly at it, his eyes falling closed for a second. The Pro brought his hands up, rubbing at his eyes and letting out a sigh that was more an irritated growl, his fingers tangled in what mess was his hair and bangs as he cracked one eye open to glance at Kesu again.
"... You want me to come with you?" Aizawa muttered lowly, and Kesu's head dipped in a short, curt little nod. Aizawa shook his head slightly at it- and not in a no, just in exasperation as he drowsily pulled the rest of his person out of the sleeping bag, and swung his legs off the bed. He paused half a second to grab his phone from the nightstand, shaking loose the chord it was attached to and then standing up. He didn't even bother to find himself any shoes or anything as he started slowly across the room and toward the door, the floor cold and chill on his barefeet. He cast his phone a lazy glance just to see if there was anything important, and the time... And barring anything important, he set eyes on the clock to find;
4:47
His eye twitched again as he shot Kesu a look, drawing up now by the cat and the door. "... Tch... This had better be important... it's way too damn early." Aizawa grumbled (rather grumpily), and Kesu's ears twitched at it and nothing else. Aizawa didn't keep his eyes on the cat, he simply let out a sigh and slid the door to the room the rest of the way open. Kesu headed out into the dark of the hallway near instantly, his paws making hardly a sound on the floor as he trotted ahead of Aizawa, who shuffled wearily behind the cat, taking his time and yawning once. He followed Kesu down the hall and toward the stairwell, unsurprisingly- Aizawa's feet instinctively turned to take him toward the stairs leading down, only to halt when Kesu started toward the opposite ones... the ones leading up.
Aizawa stopped, his eyes flashing a little as Kesu hopped up the first few stairs before pausing to look back at him. His tail lashed once, ears shoved forward and whiskers twitching as they matched eyes and Aizawa felt his stomach knot suddenly.
Why make him get up...?
"... You... Want me to go upstairs...?" Aizawa mumbled, his eyes narrowing and his stomach knotting again for the question he voiced himself.
Why had Kesu been so persistent?
The cat nodded, and he felt his stomach knot even more.
Why was the cat acting like something was... Wrong...?
"... Izaru...?" He mumbled, almost breathlessly- and his heart skipped a beat when Kesu nodded once more.
Shit
Aizawa started up the stairs, his pace picking up now and steps brusque, hand gliding over the handrail and hardly touching it as he followed Kesu up the steps quickly, but not frantic or rushing. He moved carefully, and kept himself quiet in the silence of the building, and to not sound like he was stomping up the stairs- which was easy enough, given it wasn't so different than having to move fast and quiet like he was used to in his Hero Work. He was up on the next floor in the next few seconds, his feet and Kesu's turning to the left down the hallway and toward where her door was- ever with Kesu one step ahead, and Aizawa right behind.
Aizawa's quick movement slowed to nonexistence right as he reached the room, his heart-rate a few paces too fast, and getting faster when he heard the cough come from the other side of the closed door. It was muffled, and low, but definitely there- and his jaw clenched, his stomach knotting a million times further.
Damn it
He slid the door open quickly and without hesitation, not at all concerned with the fact that he was barging in without permission. He stopped the door from slamming into the frame though, holding it open enough that he could get in and Kesu went in right away- leaving Aizawa in the now open doorway, the dark-haired man freezing as his eyes found Izaru on the floor.
His heart skipped a beat at it, and then again when he became immediately aware of the faint raspiness of her breathing, how fast it was, how shallow, everything. She was a few feet from the door itself, laying on the floor in the center of the room with her knees bent and propped up, whilst one hand lay on her chest and the other remained laid across her stomach. Her hair shown silvery in what little light was afforded from the one on in the bathroom, and the lamp on the nightstand- the lavender-hued tendrils splayed out over the floor around her head and shimmering slightly, damp.
He could hear her panting, and see the flush in her cheeks- the rest of her usually pale face a bit more so now... But despite the way his heart jumped and panic hit him at seeing her on the floor, some small part of him also managed to tell him- well, at least it doesn't look like she collapsed. And then the panic died down a little more when her eyes opened and shift his way upon coming in, Izaru immediately aware he was there and looking exasperated as well as confused- but she was conscious at any rate.
Aizawa frowned, a bead of sweat falling down his jaw as he grit his teeth a bit harder, eyes glittering in the dim as his gaze matched with hers- and for a few split seconds everything, and everyone in that room went still.
Kesu had already trotted forward, stopping himself at Izaru's shoulder and ears dropped slightly, the woman's eyes breaking from Aizawa and toward the cat, looking faintly more exasperated. "... Y... You didn't have... To get anyone..." Izaru huffed out between the panting, and Aizawa stiffened slightly at how hard it sounded for her to even just say anything. Kesu's head shook slightly in answer and Izaru let out a sigh that broke off in a small cough, and Aizawa frowned even more.
He stepped inside without a single word, shutting the door halfway behind him and cursing silently, and several times. Aizawa stopped beside her, bending down to sit on the balls of his feet and eyes flashing as her attention shift toward him again, and his jaw clenched a bit.
She looked exhausted
"... It's fine... I just... N...need a bit... It'll... Mellow out..." She panted, but he shook his head at her rather curtly.
"Stop talking." He ordered lowly, and she stiffened a little at how harsh his tone got out of nowhere- but his eyes had already moved to her arm. Izaru seemed to realize what he was looking for and she lift her right hand off her stomach, twisting her arm enough to let him get a better look at the writing on her skin as she bit the inside of her cheek, falling silent as he'd ordered. Aizawa's eyes narrowed, quickly reading the list on her wrist all the way through and immediately noticing how messy the newest parts were- like her hand had been shaking as she wrote them... Just like it was shaking now as she kept it held up for him.
He let out a silent sigh, his own hand moving up and catching hers lightly and making her lower it again, gently.
B: September 5
E: September 4
K: September 4
Antb: 420 am, September 5
Imu: 420 am, September 5
Corti: 420 am, September 5
S: 413 am, September 5
... And then after that regular list, there were some names of the students she had met three days prior now (with Hizashi), and was having trouble with. He cared little about those though, the thing he read and cared about in that moment came on the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th lines.
Following that night he'd Canceled Izaru's Quirk and talked with Recovery Girl, he knew better now what to look for when it came to her health, and her issues with breathing, should and when they arose again. He knew better now what was really serious, what wasn't- what could happen, why, and what to do in the event Izaru ever got bad enough to spur one of those 'Attacks' like what had happened to her back at the Police Station... All of that. And he knew now just what Recovery Girl had had to do at the hospital and with the surgery Izaru went through, as well as what 'recovery' and management of her health meant from now on. Which, meant no small amount of regulation, and monitoring on Izaru's part, and Recovery Girl's. That, paired with regular checkups, and a course of medication that was supposed to help keep her lungs from reacting to the injuries and damage they had sustained enough to become a problem... Basically it was just about doing their best to keep that damage- most of which would never, ever heal completely- from getting worse, or acting up, as much as was possible.
Anyway, given what Izaru had written on her arm, she'd already taken those aforementioned medications today, and not all that long ago given it was 5-10 minutes away from 5am now (as opposed to the 4:20 she wrote down...). He figured they should have kicked in by now though, or at least should be soon- but from the sound of her faintly wheezing breaths it wasn't... That, or it was just slow going. Which maybe wouldn't surprise him, but either way it didn't put him at ease.
Immediately he was wavering between taking her at her word, or just ignoring her and calling Recovery Girl. Who, also in the midst of that conversation the other day- had also made sure to tell him not to worry too much if he could help it. Something along the lines of;
'This sort of injury has a way of seeming more serious than it usually is, when it acts up. Please keep in mind it may seem serious to start, but her health may not actually be in such bad shape right away. As long as her temperature doesn't spike too much, and she's aware and awake- awhile of rest and sitting still should be enough to settle the reaction again. Give it about an hour, if her breathing doesn't settle out again by then- that's when you can start to worry. Allow the medicine enough time to do its job, it should help enough to keep her condition from getting too bad, and avert any sort of real danger. You'll need to just be patient.'
Aizawa bit the inside of his cheek, still and silent for a moment as his lips pulled into a tight line and he cast the door a small glance. He'd wanted to know, so he could handle this better... And he did feel better, having more of a clue- but still, his entire body felt like one giant knot. Because even with the assurance, and the details, the logic, the information- all of it- he still couldn't keep away the lump in his throat, or in his stomach. He hated it, and a part of him didn't want to do what Recovery Girl had said- be patient.
Patience be damned... An achingly familiar thought, and one he couldn't give into right away. He trusted Recovery Girl, despite anything else... So he would be patient, for a little.
Aizawa's eyes caught Kesu's for half a second as he glanced back toward Izaru, the cat watching him quietly and stiff in his spot... If it were possible for a cat's expression to really look concerned, Kesu's certainly did. It was not a wonder the cat had woken him up, then- though the Pro had to wonder how Kesu knew something was off.
His attention kept moving passed Kesu until his gaze matched with Izaru's again. Her grey eyes glittered slightly as she looked right back at him with a small grimace, panting still, but the look was intent. And he knew what the look meant, though he was surprised it was only a look- because even though she knew he'd snap at her again if she tried to talk, he was faintly surprised she was complying... But either way, the message was clear, even if she didn't say it out loud;
'I'm fine'
Aizawa let out a heavy sigh, shifting from sitting on the balls of his feet and into sitting cross-legged on the floor next to her instead. He shook his head in frustration as he did so, grumbling to himself for a few seconds as he adjusted.
"... if your breathing doesn't settle out in twenty minutes, I'm calling Recovery Girl." The Erasure Hero muttered lowly, and Izaru nodded slightly to it.
"... Fine..." She mumbled, her voice so soft and wispy he hardly heard her- and his jaw clenched instantly at the fact she answered against his orders to keep quiet, but he didn't say anything about it. Izaru's eyes dropped closed as she held her breath for a few seconds, and forced it out as slowly as she could, while Kesu sat down on his haunches and curled his tail around his paws, watching tensely. Aizawa frowned a bit to himself as Izaru tried another few, slightly deeper breaths, and his eyes lingered on her face for a heartbeat, before moving away as he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time.
20 minutes
He ran a hand through his bangs, eyes dropping closed and his elbow finding the top of his knee as he hunched slightly, and simply sat there, unmoving. Silence stretched out over the room, and a silence only broken by the sound of her raspy breaths... Low, faintly wheezy, quick little breaths in all the silence, while he just... sat there.
Aizawa grimaced at the thought, his stomach churning as his fingers on top of his knee dug in a bit reflexively.
Sitting there, hearing the way her breaths were- it hurt, somewhere in his soul... Because it was familiar.
Too familiar
But this time around, her breathing got slower, deeper... better.
As ten minutes went by she was still panting, but the wheeziness had faded to nonexistence- and with it the knot in his core unwound a little bit, leaving room for weariness to start and trickle in. And then five minutes more and Izaru let out a long sigh, Aizawa's eyes shifting toward her as her hand moved up and pushed her hair back from her face, her fingers tangled in the damp silver tendrils and grimacing a bit.
"... I fucking hate sleeping..." She muttered quietly, her voice a bit rough to start with and making her swallow against it. Aizawa sighed silently, blinking once at the sudden appearance of that foul mouth, and looking weary for a moment.
"... What happened?" He asked lowly, and she cracked one eye open to glance his way only momentarily, before her eyes flitted away from him again, and she looked suddenly a bit... uneasy.
"... bad dream." She mumbled, and he stiffened slightly, his eyes widening just faintly at the answer. "... and... thereafter, a bad reaction to said dream... it just... worked me up... really quickly..." She told him quietly, sighing again and swallowing hard when the breath hitched a little- she managed not to cough, but she grimaced a bit for how close it came to that.
Aizawa's head tilted half an inch, pausing for a moment and musing if it was worth it to question the dream itself... but he had a good guess what it might have been about, and given it was enough to make her lungs react like that- it was probably better not to ask. His arms crossed over his chest as he shook his head at himself a bit, abandoning the question and moving on.
"Why are you on the floor?" He asked next, and Izaru seemed to shrug ever so slightly.
"... the floor's colder than the bed..." Izaru mumbled, "... cold helps... Usually..." She elaborated, and he blinked, his eyes trailing over the damp spots on her shirt from her hair. He had to guess she'd taken a cold shower to try and help with it, if cold really was better... And he supposed it would be, since her temperature usually spiked in the midst of those 'Attacks'.
Aizawa let out a low humm in answer to it and little else, his eyes dropping closed and shoulders sagging slightly. He went quiet then, and Izaru looked up at him, watching his posture sink a little from the corner of her eye and chewing on the inside of her cheek as she took in his appearance... bare feet, disheveled hair, clearly still in his sleepwear (though it didn't differ much from his usual attire... just this time he had on a short-sleeve shirt instead of a longer one)... and he looked exhausted, and a bit ruffled, and her core churned a little at it.
... He must have woken up and come straight upstairs... shit...
"... I'm sorry Shota... it really wasn't something to get worked up about..." She apologized softly, her eyes lingering on the Erasure Hero for a few seconds- but he didn't open his eyes, he just hummed a bit like before, and that was all. She bit the inside of her cheek at it, but glanced toward Kesu instead of lingering on the rather non-answer. "... you didn't need to drag him here, Kesu..." Izaru mumbled softly to the cat, whose ears flicked at the words, shaking his head slightly in protest. Izaru let out a weary sigh at it, but dropped it nonetheless- she just shot Aizawa a look again... but his eyes were still closed, still sitting there, still so stiff, still so quiet... tense.
She bit down on the inside of her cheek a little harder, her attention falling from his face and dropping down to settle on his arms, blinking slowly as her gaze trailed along his skin and found small, faint nicks and scars here and there. Little white lines that were so hard to see, and little things all Pros probably had, somewhere... For most of them on their hands, what with all the fighting and the injuries, it was just part of the job. But for most, and if they were lucky, they never got hurt enough to leave something noticeable, or apparent- not like those she had along her arms, her fingertips, her back, and neck, and wherever else. If you were lucky, your job didn't earn you any scars of the likes of those... Or even the one she had already (immediately) noticed under Shota's eye.
Izaru's trailing eyes halted, glittering a bit as she moved far enough along his arm and to his elbow, and she saw the way the skin was pulled, stretched, discolored and not at all normal. It was a scar that stretched over the entirety of his elbow, like some shattered bit of glass made up of skin that had crept outward from it's central point- digging deep and probably damaging the muscle, tendons, and maybe even the bone at the time he earned it, at a guess... And it was the first time she'd seen it. Of course, since he was always wearing nothing but long-sleeves, however now she had a clear view, even if the angle she was at by laying on the floor was a bit odd, and for some reason upon seeing it... she felt like her core tightened, out of nowhere. She grimaced faintly, her eyes lingering for a few seconds more, before her gaze was forced break away as she suddenly shifted, and began pushing herself up into a sitting position (with a little difficulty).
Aizawa's eyes snapped open again in the instant he heard her move, his heartrate picking up and arms immediately uncrossing and he reached out toward her on pure instinct. The movement and effort of getting up immediately had her shaking, just faintly, though she didn't let up at all for it, and his hand fell on her shoulder without thinking about it. He did it with the intent to steady her, but a bit unnecessarily since she sat up and stayed up all on her own without any help from him, and he grumbled, his other hand hovering slightly. "Don't push it." He muttered sharply, but Izaru shook her head a bit and never matched his eyes. She just continued to adjust and then settled into sitting halfway cross-legged in front of him.
"I'm fine." She muttered back, but Aizawa looked little convinced with the answer, and she needn't see his expression to know that- but in reality, she wasn't even really focused on his expression or agitation at all. Her hand moved up, focused on that and she did what Aizawa did not expect. Izaru caught him lightly in her hold, wrapping her hand around his upper arm, and her other hand finding his own hand on that same arm. Her touch was so faint and yet so firm, and her hands warm against the more relative cool of his skin- and he was so surprised by the unexpected contact, for a few seconds he tensed up at it. His eyes widened slightly, staring a little as his mind shuddered to a standstill.
What is she...?
She pulled him a bit closer, her eyes narrowed and expression unreadable as her gaze traced over the scar on his elbow, her hand dropping slightly so her fingers brushed across the edge of it and Aizawa blinked several times in surprise.
"... Is this from the attack on the USJ..?" Izaru asked softly, "... You said you went up against a Nomu, after confronting Shiguraki..." She added, almost to herself, and he grimaced a bit- though she didn't see it. He could almost see the pieces threading together in her head, information and the like pulling together into an explanation and a guess- of which all of her guesses were always so (scarily) spot on. "... Shiguraki used his Quirk on you, right? That's what left this?" She asked quietly, and he blinked, eyes flashing.
It would never cease to amaze him just how easily she seemed to come up with an answer, and with so little.
He let out a small sigh, nodding slightly as his expression fell neutral again. "Yes." He replied quietly. Izaru nodded a little to his answer, her hands continuing holding on his arm so lightly even after he answered, and still her eyes never met his. Silence fell between the both of them for a few seconds that seemed to stretch to something longer than they were, and her eyes remained stuck to the scar, silent, brooding almost... And then her hands let go of him quickly, almost a little surprised at herself- like she regretted grabbing on to him. She shifted back a little, her hands folding into her torso and biting the inside of her cheek.
"... Sorry, I didn't mean to grab you out of nowhere." Izaru apologized softly, and Aizawa's head tilted a bit at the apology, not entirely sure why she thought she needed to? It wasn't as if he was big on personal contact, but it wasn't an issue- she needn't apologize at all, or have pulled back so quickly... So why...?
... Maybe... It's because she probably wouldn't have liked it, if someone did the same thing to her...?
She'd been so tense under personal contact of any kind, and even just people cutting in on her personal space without making contact at all- so yes, maybe that was it, and maybe he understood it well enough... But even still, it was not an issue- at least not on his end.
"It's fine, it doesn't bother me." He told her softly, and Izaru glanced up at him when he said that, her eyes glittering slightly to see the utmost calm and cool on his face when he said it. And the words- they rang familiar in an instant, they were the same words he'd said to her so often before now, and always like that, steady, sincere, certain... And somehow gentle too.
She swallowed, nodding slightly and her eyes dropped from him for a moment and into her hands, her fingers twining together in her lap. Aizawa blinked slowly, watching her eyes drop and pausing for a second, the calm look on his face breaking faintly in uncertainty and he forced a low breath.
"... Aneko." He murmured quietly, the sound of his voice earning her eyes and he hesitated half a second more, before he lift his hand a little. He gave her a slightly pointed look for a few seconds as he did so, and her eyes darted instantly toward that hand, somewhat questioningly. She wasn't sure why he paused, or why his hand stalled in midair between them, or even what the look meant- she sort of stalled because of the not knowing why... And then she blinked, her eyes glinting as Aizawa slowly reached that hand forward and let his palm rest against her forehead lightly. Izaru swallowed back at the small surge of unease that stirred in her core at the simple movement of his hand, her eyes flashing as she kept herself absolutely still.
That had happened, so often since coming to UA- when people got close, extended their hands, moved a little too fast- she could feel the urge to back off, shy away... And she always caught herself before she did, but the urge to do it was still persistent. It was just simple reaction, instinct even- and it was instinct to flinch away from people, and she didn't get why- she just did her best not to give into it... But why was that the first thought? For everything, from everyone...?
Don't touch
Why was that thought the one to run through the back of her mind even toward the people she knew so well...? ... Well, knew well once upon a time maybe. She wasn't so sure she did anymore, not all the time... But regardless, why was it always there? Why did her body tense without her wanting it to, why did it want to back off, to stay away? She didn't get it, like so much she did not get still... But... Just then? With him...? The surge of unease that stirred in her core at his hand moving was slight, and then afterward, with his hand actually meeting her head, and touching her?
It didn't make her... All that tense, actually...? Not like anybody else had?
In fact, Shota's hand felt cool against her head, almost pleasantly so, and her eyes fell closed halfway without meaning for them too. She let out a small sigh, leaning forward a bit into the contact, and she saw the way his lips pulled into a faintly unhappy line- but she didn't care. Her eyes dropped halfway first, and then all the way, and Aizawa bit the inside of his cheek at it, and the feeling of her leaning into his palm bringing with it an unnatural amount of heat. She was warm, and warmer than she should be, and clearly enough she felt it, what with the shower, and the floor, and now the way she reacted to his hand on her head... But not warm enough to be a real concern- not that it didn't concern him regardless.
Aizawa grumbled a bit under his breath at it, which Izaru heard, and understood immediately what it meant. She let out a small sigh, shaking her head faintly and really not at all- since his hand had yet to move, and he frowned faintly at the gesture. "... Mmmm... You don't need to get so worked up, Shota... I am okay, the medicine kicked in, and I feel alright now... it was just a shitty way to start off the morning..." Izaru mumbled softly, her voice low and wispy. "... it was probably a bad way to start your morning off too... I'm sorry Kesu woke you up... I know it's early..." She told him and he grimaced, but forced himself to let out a small breath (which came out more a huff), and his shoulders sagged a bit. "... I'll be completely fine by the time to leave rolls around..." Izaru added, and his eyes flashed, frowning.
"The only way you will be coming after this, is if Recovery Girl clears you to." Aizawa told her firmly, and perhaps a tad sharply too. His hand pulled away from her head at last and her eyes opened to settle on him and the rather stern look he was giving her now, quiet. "Feeling better or not, you will see her before anything else gets decided about today." He grumbled, and she blinked slowly. He sounded like he was scolding her, or ordering her around like she was one of his students that had done something stupid... She wasn't sure she liked it.
But even then, she understood why he was acting like that, at least somewhat- so she let it go.
"... Alright." Izaru relented, and almost all too easily, and Aizawa faltered at it without meaning to, the lack of stubbornness, or even exasperation catching him off guard. He expected some grumbling, some other comment of 'it's not necessary', or anything like that- but no.
She didn't argue at all
Aizawa blinked, eyes narrowing at her slightly in question and Izaru sighed at the look, her eyes flashing. "... If it'll make you happy, after having Kesu wake you up so early in the morning, then fine. I'll see Recovery Girl... though I'm not gonna wake her up anytime soon, I'll wait a bit..." She elaborated slightly in reply to the look he gave her, and his eye twitched slightly despite himself on the first bit; 'make you happy'.
Happy would have been not being smacked awake by a cat at 5 in the morning, and immediately being ushered up the stairs to find you on the floor and hardly able to breathe-
- But he stopped himself from saying that out loud, though just barely, and he huffed to himself.
"... You do know that if I thought that things were getting that bad, I'd have called her myself, right...?" Izaru sighed, oblivious to the annoyance that flashed over his face, or otherwise not caring. She shifted, her arms crossing over her chest and posture deflating slightly as she shook her head- and what emotionless mask that had become so persistent over her features stayed tucked away now by tiredness, and slight exasperation. "... At the very least if I was that worried about it, I'd have even called you... I wouldn't just sit here and wait until it got bad enough I passed out... That would be incredibly stupid..." She mumbled, and he grumbled under his breath.
"Forgive me if I question how quickly you'd ask for help." Aizawa shot back lowly, and Izaru blinked. "However I do recall you being incredibly stubborn about it back in school. You never asked for help, not once, as far as I remember. And even when you were hurt, you were apt to keep it hidden, Aneko." He grumbled and she paused, stiffening slightly as her eyes narrowed at him.
"... Are you talking about what happened after the Sports Festival..?" She muttered lowly, "Tch, it wasn't any of your business you ass, besides- why the hell was I gonna go around talking about how some asshats jumped me? It was just a few bumps and bruises, and I sure as hell didn't need anyone's help with them- they fucking learned their lesson." She hissed, and he grimaced a bit- but she just mimicked the look, almost stubbornly. "And I do ask for help when I need it, by the way. I just don't usually need it, because I'm quite fucking capable of handling myself, thank you-"
"-Your foul mouth has gotten worse over time, hasn't it?" Aizawa muttered flatly, cutting her off with ease as she huffed at it, agitation getting a little clearer on her face, but he did not pause. "And I know you can handle yourself, but regardless of that- you're wrong." He told her firmly, and her mouth fell open to snap back at him in sheer reaction, only to halt when she registered what he said in the next instant- and realized it wasn't quite the admonishment she was expecting.
"... wrong..?" Izaru muttered warily, and he nodded once.
"It was my business back then, and everything going on now is part of my business too." Aizawa told her levelly, "Like it or not, you made it my business the minute you decided we were friends. Even if I was slow to accept the notion, I have long since given into it- and that's what 'friends' do, yes? They make each other's business their own." He told her steadily, Izaru's eyes widening a tad, and he sighed slightly, shaking his head a bit and eyes dropping closed. "... If I've learned anything from Hizashi over the years, it is that. Being friends means we get involved with each others lives and issues, and their 'business', even if it's unwanted. So even if you may not think so, or even really need help- anything that happens with you is my concern, and that includes your well being... I am your friend, and I am in charge of supervising you- and it really doesn't do anyone any good if your health goes down the drain." He went on, "Like it or not, Aneko- we are stuck with one another for now, and the foreseeable future. I'm going to continue keeping an eye on you, so it'd be easier if you weren't stubborn about it." He sighed quietly, his posture wilting a bit as he shook his head once to himself.
In some ways the fact that she had gotten a bit touchy about the subject at all- and fallen into her vulgar language- was better than her simply accepting what he said, when he questioned how readily to she would actually ask for help, grant you. She got worked up, instead of being the empty, emotionless person she had been for so much of coming back- it was more like her, how she used to be, and that made that doubt about the question fade just a little more. That question the bugged him incessantly... He supposed there was a part of him that was trying to work her up if he could, just to see if she was still there, under all the bad, and the awful that had fallen on top of her.
... hmph...
Aizawa's eyes opened again when she failed to reply after a few moments, a little confused at the silence as his eyes found hers- and his heart skipped a beat. Because there was a stream of tears falling down her cheeks, her grey eyes glittering and her expression tense as she sat there, stiff as can be and just.. staring, quiet.
Silent tears
Aizawa stiffened, a bead of sweat dripping down his jaw and eyes widening- quite honestly a little taken aback by the sight, and not at all sure of...?
"... why are you crying..?" He mumbled quickly. Izaru blinked, for a moment looking both pained and incredibly annoyed- and then she shook her head hotly.
"Don't fucking asking me." She growled back in an instant, his eyes widened a little more at the very short answer. Izaru huffed, and this time the sound of the breath she let out was a bit more wheezy than he liked- she was getting worked up a little too much, and more than he intended or meant to make her. But he still wasn't sure what bit had that effect..?
"I already told you, Shota. I don't get it." Izaru muttered lowly, "Almost none of it, none of what I'm feeling or why, or even really what sets any of it off... It just doesn't register like it's supposed to, so if I'm crying I can't tell you why. I just am." She growled a bit hotly, and his expression softened slightly- which she noticed, and she only she shot him one last agitated look before finally letting her gaze move away from him. Her hands lift as she wiped away the tears, and she sucked in a sharp breath of air that was probably meant to steady her- but it hitched, and enough to make her cough again, and Aizawa stiffened at it. Her hand covered her mouth as she stifled the next cough that threatened to come up, her other hand balling into a fist in her lap as her shoulders hunched slightly against it. Aizawa had to force himself a small sigh to try and settle down the knot his stomach pulled into anew in the course of a single second, regretting that part of him that had been faintly trying to get a rise... Now wasn't the best time, but he'd been a bit miffed himself still from being woken up, so he'd been a bit to quick to rile.
"Alright, let's just leave it for now." Aizawa mumbled, drawing a halt to the topic. "Getting worked up again isn't going to help anything." He murmured and Izaru nodded slightly, her eyes halfway open as she leaned over a bit, still covering her mouth and quiet again. Aizawa let the silence hang for a bit, deciding it better to give her a few minutes to settle again- and he did his best to do the same... all the way until Izaru broke the silence, surprisingly.
"... You could have asked me about it, you know." Izaru said after a few moments, and the Erasure Hero blinked, his eyes narrowing slightly in question. She didn't move her hand from her mouth, her eyes dropped all the way and she seemed to take in a slow, cautious breath, before continuing softly. "... You asked Recovery Girl about all of the logistics and things with the injuries from the Pit, instead of just asking me. I get you have this idea I'm stubborn... But you could have asked me. I would explain it to you, if you wanted me to." Izaru pointed out quietly, and Aizawa stiffened faintly, the words ringing familiar on his ears to what Recovery Girl had said to him when he requested the information.
Izaru seemed to wilt slightly, her posture deflating the smallest bit, almost as if she'd sensed the he'd tensed- while Kesu set his head down on her knee, yellow eyes watchful as she paused a moment, shaking her head.
"... I'm... I'm not trying to keep people at arms length... I'm not trying to hide things or... downplay situations, or be... dishonest... I'm really... not..." She mumbled slowly, "... rationally I've already decided that I'm going to be upfront, and try to be as little a bother as I can... I want to do that... but it's harder than I expected it to be..." She whispered, her eyes shutting closed a bit harder and Aizawa saw her shoulders hunch too.
"... I'm sorry... I'm not trying to be such a pain in the ass..."
"... You don't have to apologize." Aizawa murmured quietly, "Everyone here already knew things weren't going to be easy, and they still voted to bring you to UA. We're trying to help you, you're not a bother on anyone, Aneko... It's good, you want to be forthcoming, and I know that isn't as easy as you'd like, I understand it... I simply..." He trailed off a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. "... Asking Recovery Girl had less to do with not actually trusting you to be honest with me, than it was more so that you were asleep, and I wasn't looking to be patient." He admitted lowly, she blinked her eyes open and glanced toward him, biting the inside of her cheek when her stomach churned.
There it was again, that feeling, that guilt. Because she saw it, no matter how much he tried to hide or deny it- he'd always been like that, trying not to let the world know how he felt... How he hurt, and worried.
I'm doing that to him... Constantly
She hated it. She was apologizing for it nonstop, no matter what he, or anyone else said to try and reassure her.
I don't want to keep doing that to him... To any of them, but... I don't know how to... Not do that... damn it...
Her eyes dropped and met Kesu's eyes instead, her hand falling slowly from covering her mouth and the other rubbing the top of the creature's head gently, and she shook her head at herself.
"... Thank you, Shota. For just... Being here, and... Everything else... Thank you for looking out for me, and even... 'Making my business your business'... Even though this is as... hard on you, as it is me..." Izaru murmured quietly after a moment, and Aizawa jumped faintly at the words, his lips pulling into a tight line and suddenly, slightly, tense.
Because of course she could tell that, even when he tried to-
"... I... I'm probably never going to stop apologizing for something... but I am sorry that Kesu woke you up so early... this wasn't a pleasant way to start your day..." Izaru mumbled softly, "... especially today, when you have your students to worry about with the Provisional License Exam..." She added and he shook his head once,
"I'm not worried about them." Aizawa replied, and Izaru blinked at it. "They've been preparing for today, and I know they'll give it their all. All of them are capable Heroes in their own right, they should be fine." He told her evenly, and she paused, her face falling faintly.
He... sounds almost completely sure about that... almost. He's still worried about it, even if he won't admit it... I'm not surprised
So she nodded slightly, and let it go, without ever commenting on the almost.
"... Right..." Izaru mumbled, her eyes trailing over toward where her phone had been abandoned on the floor next to her. She pulled it closer, setting it in her lap and her eyes falling closed again, her trailing fingers pulling across the back of Kesu's ears still.
"... it's good you have faith in them... but... I am worried about it..." She mumbled lowly, almost as an after-thought and Aizawa blinked in surprise. "And not because of my Quirk, or because I feel like something will go wrong... I'm just... tense about it, I guess..." She added quickly, in case his thoughts went in that direction- not that they did, but still. She bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head at herself again, before sighing. "... I don't know... it feels... sort of like that, when I think about it... 'tense'... which is... weird..." She breathed, looking rather tense for her lack of being able to explain it- but Aizawa's expression softened slightly. Because it wasn't that 'weird' to him, if anything, it was normal.
He remembered the Izaru that was always so willing to step in, and lend a hand to anyone- regardless of class, department, subject, whatever. She liked helping people and she would like watching them succeed at what they were doing, that was just how she was... how she used to be, and there should be some part of that old Izaru still in her... There has to be.
So even if it had been little over a week of being at the school, and being around the students, and his class in particular- it made sense she would want them to do well. Even if she hadn't been around them that long, or even formed a particularly strong bond over them just yet, she wasn't the sort of person that wouldn't worry over how they'd do. Because even though she had avoided any lengthy amount of contact with the students in those few days of being here- she did talk to them, and answer questions, make introductions, learn more about them. It was hard for her to do, and she wasn't comfortable with the interaction near at all- but she still tried. She asked him questions about their names and their Quirks, even if sparingly- but it meant she was interested, and she was trying to learn, and even trying to be friendly and know people, just how she used to. And her small, reserved attempts with his class had blossomed a bit more with Shinso, and went further when she and Hizashi went around the rest of the school... she was trying, and she was doing much better than he or anyone else really could have hoped for, if they were to be honest.
And no, it wasn't really that noticeable, and it assuredly very slow going... but she was getting a bit more relaxed here, and around everyone. And for it, that question that nagged was becoming a bit less heavy with every little thing she did- every small, dim little piece of her old self that shone through under years of darkness and pain.
So she was worried about how well his class would do, and she was probably worried about how Vlad's class would do too. And without her explaining it, or trying to justify it- Aizawa understood why, easily. It was that same, small kernel of worry that dropped into his core every time he watched his students face a challenge- because rationalize it, and trust in their abilities all he might- he still did worry about how they would do... because he wanted them to succeed too.
"... it's not 'weird'." Aizawa murmured softly, his eyes dropping as he shifted and pushed himself onto the balls of his feet- but he didn't stand up right off. He stayed for a few seconds crouched on the floor in front of her, aware of those grey eyes settled on him, and Kesu's yellow ones too, though Aizawa himself didn't look up. His elbows fell on his knees as he sighed a bit, forcing himself a long, deep breath to rid himself of what tenseness remained from walking in to start. Izaru's head tilted, her eyes narrowing for the rather odd response and not sure what he meant but it...?
What does he...?
"... give me a few minutes to get dressed, then we'll go downstairs and eat something." Aizawa instructed softly, never giving further explanation to it, nor letting her question it either. Izaru blinked, watching silently as he pushed himself up onto his feet at last and held out a hand for her, his expression that same neutrality that was oh so normal for him. "In the meantime take it easy, alright?" He grumbled, her eyes dropping to his offered hand as she paused again, her mind of whirl of things out of nowhere she couldn't possibly work through- and among them that hesitation that arose every time someone reached out was there... but the rush of panic that had been hitting her at every time someone did that?
It didn't come
She blinked again, her eyes glittering slightly as she nodded once, slowly and without really thinking about it.
I still don't understand... but maybe...?
Kesu hopped onto her shoulders gracefully and she reached up, taking Shota's hand and letting him pull her up with ease.
... maybe it's because... it's him...?
"... alright." Izaru murmured softly, their hands separating again once she was on her feet. Aizawa ran a hand through his hair, turning slightly toward the door and stepping toward it- leaving Izaru behind as she watched him go, quiet, mind still whirling, and yet running so sluggishly in uncertainty.
... is that... why...?
"I'll be back in a little, finish getting dressed." Aizawa murmured as he moved, sliding the door open again and casting one last glance over his shoulder, and she nodded again, slightly.
"Yeah... Okay..." She replied slowly, almost too wrapped up in her thoughts to garner a reply right away- and when it came it was as sluggish as her mind felt. Aizawa blinked once at it, almost musing for half a second, before looking away with a last, small nod, and leaving.
The door shut behind him and Izaru's eyes flashed, blinking slowly at the space he had disappeared, before her attention dropped from the door and to her hand.
... that's the first time physical contact hasn't made me feel... panicky... or... afraid...
Her expression softened ever so slightly, a small breath escaping her as she closed her hand slowly, pulling it into herself and against her chest, her attention finding the floor as silence fell over the room, Kesu eyeing her quietly from his spot on her shoulder.
... he's the only person this whole time... who's reached out and it felt... normal.
Hello!
A short and sweet chapter, but hopefully you enjoyed it nonetheless!
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