The boat was waiting for us. We climbed in silently and slumped at the back while they pushed off and began to row us back across the channel under a periwinkle sky. To our right, the last golden sliver of sun melted into the sea. I waited for a moment when the sailors were all busy, and then I leaned over and whispered in Edmund's ear, 'I will remember this day for all my days.'

His eyes fluttered shut, and he arched his neck. I bit my lip to keep from kissing his throat. 'I don't want it to end,' he murmured in return. 'Come back with me.'

Every fibre of me wanted to. I wanted him again already. I wanted to hear him moan. But on Doorn, eyes watched everywhere. Before I could make up my mind whether to dare or not, a sailor walked close to where we were sitting, and we fell silent and shifted away from each other. I turned to rest my arms on the side and watch the outline of Felimath blur as we moved away from it.

We pulled into the harbour and disembarked. I took the bags from the sailors and while they finished mooring the boat, Edmund and I walked to the end of the pier. People surround us, hurrying, scurrying, shouting. So much noise after the silence of Felimath. Edmund opened his mouth to repeat his invitation, but before he could say anything a messenger bowed before us. When he rose, I saw that he was wearing my own blue livery rather than the royal outfit.

'My lord,' said the messenger, 'Your uncles desires your presence for dinner. He says to meet him at the Jewel of Ilkeen.'

I rubbed my lips together and turned back to Edmund. 'I suppose you'd better go,' he mumbled.

I gave a small sigh through my nose, my shoulders slumping. 'I will remember for all my days.'

Edmund turned to the messenger. 'Run ahead and say that his lordship has just disembarked and is on his way.' He scurried off, and Edmund turned back to me. 'I don't want to just remember. I want you.' My breath caught. He brushed his fingers down my forearm before turning away and heading towards the castle.

I walked to the Jewel of Ilkeen in a daze, daydreaming about what I would do if Uncle hadn't summoned me, of spending more time with Edmund. When I arrived, they showed me to a private dining room. Uncle had a true Calormene feast spread before him—lots of small dishes, rice jewelled with fruit, sherbets so cold the goblets that held them became iced, flat, chewy breads with an array of meats and sauces. All of this was set on a low table and the room was piled with silken cushions. In his robes and turban, Uncle Emdir looked not unlike a cushion himself, except that he was so long and thin.

'As it was a rest day, I thought perhaps I could tempt you to dine with your old Uncle who has wished you well from afar so long.'

I bowed in salutation. 'I am here, Uncle.' As usual, we were going to pretend that all our previous fraught exchanges didn't exist.

He gestured for me to sit, so I took my place on one of the silken cushions. The room was quite close and warm, and the air felt very heavy after a day on the beach. 'I see you persist in wearing Narnian clothes,' he commented. 'And not very proper ones.'

I rubbed my face. 'I wonder if you are able to go through an entire conversation without criticising me,' I said.

'I might,' said Uncle, filling his plate with food, 'If you did not constantly do things worthy of criticism. The messenger told me you were with the king—and you were dressed like a peasant.'

I bit back a laugh as I thought about answering 'Actually, I wasn't dressed much at all.' I bowed my head and concentrated on selecting food. When I had mastered my mirth, I said, 'The King had a desire to see Felimath and learn of the sheep pastures there. He occupies himself much with issues of trade.'

'Hm,' Uncle hummed through his nose before sipping his wine. 'Drink, my boy.' He lifted the flagon and held it out to me.

I put my hand up. 'Nay, Uncle. It was a hot day, and I am still too thirsty for wine.' I took a glass of iced sherbert. I was already finding it hard to concentrate, and I needed sharp wits. I sensed Uncle was coming round to something.

'You have not told me of your adventures in Calormen,' Uncle observed, 'Nor how you came to accompany the King and Queen to the house of the Tisroc.'

'They asked me because I could speak Calormene,' I said.

'Ah. So you sold yourself as a Barbarian spy to betray your people.'

'I am a Barbarian—I am a Narnian, not a Calormene,' I said as calmly as I could.

'You are both, and always will be,' he declared, popping a date in his mouth and chewing meditatively.

'Furthermore,' I said, ignoring this comment, 'it was not a question of loyalty. Rabadash—'

'Prince Rabadash, may the peace of Tash be upon him and his blessed soul return to Tashbaan.'

I couldn't help but snicker into my sherbet. 'Did you not hear? O my uncle, Rabadash is found and alive. Aslan turned him into an ass, and he will be revealed before all of Tashbaan at the Autumn festival.'

Uncle Emdir narrowed his eyes. 'You should not tell lies at all, and certainly not lies of this magnitude.'

'Uncle, I swear to you this is the truth. I saw his transformation with my own eyes in the courtyard of Anvard. He had attempted a siege of the castle in defiance of all laws of chivalry but was thwarted by two children and two Talking Horses. It was in this battle that I saved the King's life and won my knighthood.'

He leaned back, appraising me as he pulled on his beard. 'If you are going to tell me this story, tell it properly, that I may judge the events for myself.'

So I sat up and crossed my legs as I had been taught to and told the whole of the story in the Calormene style. When I finished, all he said was 'Hm.'

'Is that all you have to say?' I demanded. 'After such a tale of treachery and cruelty? Can you still speak such flattering words about the Tisroc and his heir?'

'I see they have fully indoctrinated you,' Uncle wheezed, pouring himself some more wine. 'You are like your father, like all of them. The world is always black and white, right and wrong. You say I should turn away from Calormen, but I ask you—what do I turn to? They will never accept me as Northern, or even an Islander. You have seen how Gormal has treated you from childhood. He taught you the word half caste.' He leaned forward. 'I can make our family a living, but you can save us from this.'

'And I've not done enough for that? You'll never be satisfied,' I said, pushing my food around on my plate.

'I will be satisfied when you take Queen Susan for your bride.'

I looked up quickly. 'What?'

'You thought the rumours would not reach me. They have. Your name has been attached to the Queen for some time now. I have heard you even fought Rabadash for her honour,' Uncle observed, prizing apart a pomegranate. The juice darkened his fingers, and I was reminded of Edmund sucking juice off my fingers.

'They are no more than rumours,' I said.

'You think a few weeks in Calormen qualifies you to play the game,' Uncle said. 'You think you can put on a diplomat's mask and lie to me, but I have already seen the truth in your face. There is something between you and the Queen.'

'No. I tell you, no,' I said, perhaps too vehemently.

'More lies!' He cried.

'Do you think I will confide in you?' I scoffed. 'After what you did to me?'

He threw up his hands. 'Tell me then, o my enlightened nephew, what else was I supposed to do with a child who had brought such shame on our family? Shame which you have not lived down, nor have we in your absence. Here is your chance to make good on all your past mistakes. Woo the Queen, win her heart and her hand, clear your name. Are you so insensible as to not understand the opportunity?'

'They are not opportunities—they are people! Thinking, feeling people who deserve love. I do not love the Queen. I will not woo her under false pretences.' I sat back and folded my arms.

'Do not you dare tell me you are clinging to your twisted, perverted preferences for men,' Uncle seethed. I stared back at him.

He leaned forward, baring his teeth. 'You listen to me, boy. Knight, Kings' Champion, I care not. If that first beating didn't work I will beat this out of you again.'

I leaned forward too, meeting him. For the briefest moment I saw him flinch. 'You think you can make me change, but this is who I am. No matter how many times you beat me, this is who I will always be.' I flung a plate of desserts out of my way and rose.

'You will stay here!' He shrieked. When I moved for the door, he continued. 'Ingrate! Orphan! Filth!'

I did not turn. I slammed the door shut behind me and strode from the restaurant.

I almost ran away from the inn, pressing on until I reached the quieter streets of the town and then sat on a wall, contemplating what to do with myself. I looked up at the palace. I ached to be with Edmund again, to rest in his arms, but the day on Felimath seemed more a dream than reality. And I didn't even know where to find him.

I rubbed my face and started walking again. I had half completed the journey before I realised my feet were carrying me towards the Avra docks. It was time to go and see Orran, if he would not come and see me.

I took a ferry over and hired a horse on the other side. With all the travel, the hour was very late when I arrived at Orran's house, and only a few lights were on. I rapped on the door, and the porter answered and bowed me in. A few moments later, Orran's wife appeared, clutching her robe around her.

'Lord Peridan,' she said, curtseying. My brows lifted; she had never paid me respect before.

'I've come to see Orran,' I announced, dispensing with ceremony.

For a flash of an instant I saw the old impatience on her face, a barely restrained eye roll. But when she spoke, she was so polite it bordered on obsequious. 'Your Lordship, the hour is so late. I beg of you, return in the morning.'

I shook my head. 'Impossible. I compete in the morning. I tell you I must speak with Orran, and I will speak with him.' I set my fists on my hips.

She let out a sound that was somewhere between a scoff and a sigh. Then she took a ring of keys off a hook and said. 'Very well, then. As you will not be deterred.'

She led me down the hall, to parts of the house I had never been. At the end, she unlocked a door and gestured me in. I crossed the threshold and she pulled the door shut behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and then around the room. The red glow of the dying fire mingled with the moonlight, and in this strange light I could just make out a figure in an armchair by the window.

'Caernan? Is it you? Are we to go together at last?' Orran's voice croaked.

'Orran it's me. Peridan.'

'Peridan! My boy!' He jumped from his chair, but his movements were stiff. He came and embraced me, and I hugged him back fiercely.

'Where have you been?' I sounded almost like a child. 'I've been looking for you since I arrived.'

'Ah,' said Orran. 'If I could have been there I would have.'

The strangeness of this answer made me pull away and look at him. I almost recoiled in my surprise. In my childhood, Orran was the most stylish man on the Islands. Now he wore a dirty shirt and trousers. His hair was greasy and he had grown out an unkempt beard.

At the same time, Orran was examining me. 'How you've grown,' he said. 'You look so much like your father I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I knew time had passed, but I didn't imagine you would have changed so much.'

'I could say the same of you,' I said slowly.

He waved this away and walked stiffly over to the drinks cart. He poured out two measures. 'Let us drink to your health and prosperity, for news of that reaches me even as I'm locked up here.'

He passed me a glass and I drank, but after I set the glass down with a clunk and wiped my mouth. 'Orran, what's happened to you? Why are you locked up?'

His shoulders sagged. Then he clapped my shoulder. 'I will tell you. But please—let me hear about you. I've missed you these past years, my boy.'

'I've missed you,' I said. 'It is hard going, making my way alone.'

'I know it must have been. But you have done such a job of it. Knight of the Table. Kings' Champion. Everyone is talking of you.'

I scoffed. 'They still hate me.'

'Maybe so, but they are also jealous of you. You've caught the favour of the King.'

I grinned. All the happiness from the past few days came bursting out of me, and I ached to confide it. 'I've caught more than his favour.'

Orran stared. 'You can't mean..not you and the Emperor!' Orran exclaimed.

I laughed, because it was so strange to think of Peter like that. 'No, no. Not him. King Edmund.'

Orran gaped, then covered his mouth with his hand. 'Oh, Peridan. What have you done?'

'What do you mean?' I demanded. 'You said I should be happy. You said I shouldn't live my life alone.'

'Yes, but I never imagined...don't you know how dangerous this is? What he could do to you?'

'He wouldn't do anything to me! He...' I tailed off, trying to decide how to finish that sentence. I wasn't confident enough to say Edmund loved me. 'He...feels the same way. We went to Felimath together today. Orran—I know what you meant now. About finding someone who you would face all dangers for. It is because I love him that I fought so bravely at Anvard. And now he feels the same way.' I took Orran's hand between both of mine. 'I didn't know I could be this happy.'

He pulled his hand away and paced to the windows, covering his mouth and then pulling his beard. 'I was a fool. You should never have listened to me.'

I shook my head. 'What can you mean?'

'Exactly what I said. How do you think I ended up a prisoner in my own house?'

'Nobody would tell me,' I said. I rose and stepped toward him cautiously.

'Of course they would be too ashamed to speak the truth. They have always been disgusted by us.' He leaned against the window, staring out into the dark gardens. 'I went to a pub where men like us can find company. I was talking with another man-it wasn't even leading anywhere, we were just conversing. But when the guard came and started to round us up, he said I had forced myself on him. I hadn't.'

I gripped his forearm. 'I know you wouldn't.'

'But they believed him because they half knew about me anyway and could no longer turn a blind eye. And Simar had just been married, so they wanted to believe him, and spare his wife the humiliation. I'd already humiliated my wife, you see.' He punctuated this with a sickening smile.

'Simar?!' I exclaimed. 'He was the one who lied about you?"

Orran shrugged. He did not turn away from the garden. 'We had been talking about you, actually.'

'So that was it. They took Simar at his word and imprisoned you?'

He did not answer.

I started to pace the room. 'How could he? How could they just lock you away?'

'Do you really think we will ever see justice, being what we are?'

I pressed my palms together and put my fingers to my lips. 'But you are such a good man, Orran. Anyone who's met you would know you aren't capable of that.'

He shook his head. 'You idolise me too much. I am not as good as you think I am.'

'How can you say that? There are times in my life where you have been the only person who was good to me. Who loved me. If I learned anything about how to be noble it wasn't from my father's speeches. It was from you,' I said. I clenched my jaw and swallowed hard.

Orran shook his head. 'You're better than any of us. I have been unfaithful to my wife for decades. My wedding vows were lies. And then I came between my friend and his wife. I am not good.'

I covered my hand with my mouth and sank into a chair. 'You loved each other. You told me he was the great love of your life.'

'We said that to each other to justify our actions,' Orran said, looking out the window.

'So it wasn't true,' I challenged with a frown.

He was silent a moment. 'It was. But it wasn't the whole story. We hurt people. We did bad things.'

My chest started to tighten and my breath came faster. 'So you think I deserved that beating.'

'No, lad. No. But I worry for you. This is the path that lies in front of you. The King will have to marry one day. You too, with all your power, influence, wealth and fame. Then think what could happen to you. To all of Narnia.'

'What am I to do then?' I cried, rising to my feet. 'I tried, Orran. I tried to fall in love with Queen Susan, but I couldn't make it happen. I tried to change. But I love him. I've loved him without hope and with fear for so long, and just when I thought I could be happy you tell me I should go back to being afraid. You! Of all people.' My voice was fierce and ragged with emotion.

'You...could have married Queen Susan?' He asked blankly.

'Probably. I didn't pursue it because I didn't want to do that to her. She deserves more.'

'But to be prince consort—'

'I know! Damnit, Orran, I know. But my stubborn heart will love Edmund.' The memory of Edmund's touch, his laughter, his desire washed over me. I closed my eyes. 'All I want is to be with him.'

'You would need to make a newer world,' he replied, his voice leaden.

'You talk like that is impossible. But we've already seen the world remade,' I replied.

He patted my cheek. 'By the Lion, you are your father's son. You almost make me hope again.'

'I will fix this. I will see your name cleared,' I promised. I opened my mouth to seal this with an oath, but Orran stopped me.

'Don't swear it. You don't know what you are promising.'

'All the same, I will.'

I took my leave then. I made the journey back to Doorn and the palace, and it was the blackest hour of the night when I collapsed, fully clothed onto my bed. I thought I would fall asleep at once; every part of my body ached with exhaustion and the bright day on Felimath seemed a hundred years ago. But I could not sleep. I lay on the bed, curling my knees to my chest, and stared out the window. It was only as dawn came on that I caught a couple of fitful hours of sleep.