"You know how much a resent you all right now for being able to drink from a blood bag?" Kurt laughed out as he started to clean the blood from his face.

"That must be so hard man." David said passing him a wet cloth. Kurt thanked him and laughed

They was all trying to calm down after the incident an hour before. It wasn't even mid day yet. Jeff had woken up and was at Nick's side.

"The bitch snapped my neck like a twig. Fucking asshole." Jeff spat out as he was recovering

"He got what was coming to him baby. Kurt made sure of that." Nick said sweetly kissing his boyfriend on the lips.

Blaine was next to Kurt helping him clean up his face. Kurt refused a donor until until later on tonight saying he was okay. They rolled there eyes at that. He was not fucking okay but they respected it.

"Are you okay baby?"

"I'm fine honestly. I've had worse." Kurt laughed and leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend.

"That's not making us feel any better Kurt." Wes said looking up at them both.

"Sorry mon amour." Kurt shrugged and a smiled. "How many teeth have I lost?"

Blaine laughed and told Kurt to open his mouth.

"Four."

They all laughed and Kurt rolled his eyes. "Lovely."

"What a bastard." Nick said looking over at Kurt.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't of got that close to the bars. I didn't think. I thought he was weak." Wes said feeling guilty for what has happened.

"It's not your fault Wes okay? It could of happened to any of us." Blaine said turning to him.

"I know. It's just frustrating because it could have been avoided."

Blaine looked up and Kurt and nodded for him to go over. Kurt made his way over an sat himself on his knee. He wrapped his arms round him.

"It's not your fault Wes."

Wes felt guilty still but he nodded.

"Say it Wes."

Wes rolled his eyes. "I'm really fine Kurt hones-

"Say it." Kurt demanded again.

Wes smiled knowing he wasn't winning. "It's not my fault."

"Good boy." Kurt laughed before hugging him. Wes laughed but held onto him tighter.

"Why can't we just have one normal day?" Jeff said tiredly as he took a sip from his blood bag.

"Fuck knows babe." Nick said back. It had been rough since Kurt came back. They didn't hate him for it. They was just glad he was finally home and safe.

"I think I'm going to go and get a bath. I won't be long."

Kurt kissed Wes and then stood up and kissed Blaine too.

"Love you guys."

There was a chorus of I love you too's and he smiled. He was glad to be home.

Kurt moaned as his body relaxed in the bath. His body was aching. Getting thrown around like a rag doll was something he did not enjoy. He felt so sorry for Wes, he knew he felt guilty for what had happened. He needed to speak with him again. He closed his eyes as the hot water soaked through his skin. He felt sorry for Blaine too. That must have been hard knowing it was going to hurt him. He loved them both so much. There was a knock on the door.

"It's me." Wes said through the door. "I don't want to disturb you-

"Come in."

Kurt smiled as Wes opened the door and made his way in and sat himself down on the toilet. He wouldn't look at Kurt.

"I just wanted to see if you was okay."

Kurt laughed. "You can look at me Wes. You're allowed too."

Wes laughed and rolled his eyes before looking up. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You don't have to be a gentleman all the time Wesley."

Wes stood up and made his way over to Kurt and kneeled beside the bath.

"I guess you're right. I have had my dick in your-

Kurt splashed him with water and Wes gasped as it hit his body. He started to laugh at the shocked face he pulled.

"Don't even finish it." Kurt said with a smirk.

"Really? Did you have to do that?" Wes said laughing as he looked down at his soaked clothes.

"Sorry mon amour. It urge was just so tempting."

Wes looked up and smiled at him. He was something else. He leaned over and placed his lips on his and tried to deepen it but Kurt pulled back quickly.

"I have no teeth Wes."

Wes threw his head back in laughter and nodded.

"Suppose that would help with the blowjob."

Kurt couldn't believe what he had just said. He went to talk but his mouth snapped closed quickly. Wes was grinning at him waiting for his reply.

"Fuck you."

Wes had made his way back to the common room and took a seat down next to Blaine.

"Your hair is soaking. Did you take a dip with Hummel?" Blaine said smirking as he reached up to feel it.

"I made a dirty remark and I got a face full of water."

Blaine laughed and the others joined in. They was sitting around the table playing poker. Wes was dealt a hand and joined in.

"I don't know how he does it. The whole happy thing all the time. I would of lost my shit by now if I was him." Wes said leaning over to take a sip out of Blaine's cup. Blaine smiled and Wes passed it back and Blaine took a sip too.

"Yeah I don't know either. He's a tough cookie." Blaine said back and placed his hand on the table.

"Do you reckon he's okay though? Really? It's a lot to deal with." Jeff said as he tried to take a peak out of David's hand and David snatched his cards to his chest.

"Stop looking sterling you fucking cheat."

Jeff stuck is tongue out and laughed before turning round to face his cards.

"I think he's doing okay. I mean he's come this far right?" Nick said placing his hand on the table and throwing some chips in.

"Guess so. I just worry about him." Jeff admitted.

"We all do man." David chimes in.

Kurt felt better already. He looked in the mirror. Bruises remained but his teeth had grown back. Thank god. He struggled getting dressed as his arms was stiff from being thrown into the wall. Bruises was scattered across his back. Do I ever get a goddamn break?

He finally managed to get dressed and sat on his bed to take a few minutes before returning back to them. He lifted his legs up and placed his head on the pillow. He started to think about his life when he left Dalton. How much of a dark place he was in. He couldn't help it and when he thought about it. It couldn't stop.

Wes could sense something was not right. He had a weird feeling.

"I don't think Kurt is okay." Wes said concerns as the feeling crept up his body.

"What do you mean Wes?" Blaine asked tilting his head as he started to panic.

"I'm bonded with him. He's incredible sad. I can hear his thoughts." Wes said staring up at him.

"Let us hear Wes. Please." Blaine begged and he nodded. He closed his eyes.

I felt numb. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything. My mind was a prisoner to my body. My mind was thinking over time and I tried to get out but I wasn't moving. It was like my brain had shut the signals off. I heard someone enter my room but my gaze wouldn't move from the floor. I felt numb. I wanted to run but my legs wouldn't take me. I wanted to stop feeling so I could feel better. All of a sudden I felt really tired like the world had drained me of everything I had. I could hear the rain outside and all I wanted to do is sit in it, hoping the rain it could drown my thoughts. No one could understand, no one could understand the hurt I had felt because I couldn't even explain it to myself. There comes a time when you have to choose between opening a book or closing it. I wanted to shut that book and burn it. I felt someone kneel in front of me. I heard the words they mumbled

Jesus Kurt

It was Finn. I didn't know why he was in the room. We barely even talk. Forced to put up with each other through marriage. I wanted him to go away. Please fucking go away. I felt his arms wrap round me and I felt myself being forcefully picked up. My legs was weak and they felt like jelly. I screamed. I was being dragged to the bathroom. I felt strength in my right arm and I swung and connected with something. Hopefully his face. I heard his groan in pain but he felt dragging me. Yep. It was his face. He placed me on the toilet and kneeled down in front of me. My face was staring at his. His bloody face. He didn't say anything. He started to undress me and I let him. I couldn't move. I should feel something. Maybe embarrassment but I don't. I don't feel anything. I heard the water turn on and I started to count the tiles. I got to twenty two before I felt myself being picked up again. The water was hot. I didn't move. He started to wash me. He started to wash my hair. I felt like my world had just crumbled. I hadn't cried yet. It had been three days. Three days without them. I don't know how long I was in the shower for but I heard the water turn off and a towel placed around me and I was carried out again and sat in my room. I seen him lean over and grab a towel and he started to dry my face and then I felt his hand on my face, smearing creams. I felt exhausted, tired and sad. It was like I was suffocating in my own thoughts. I couldn't breathe and it felt like the walls was falling down on me. I wanted to give up. I started to miss myself, my smile, my happiness. I missed loving him. I missed him loving me. I couldn't take it. I did it because I loved them but that didn't make it any easier. I felt the my body being dried and shortly after getting dressed. My body felt comfortable now but my mind was uncomfortable. It's ironic how you can sit and tell others to stay strong yet we can't do it ourselves. I am not be anymore. I am a shell of me. I felt myself being lifted up and placed onto my bed. I felt arms wrapped around me. Foreign arms. Finns. I didn't care. He held me for hours in silence. After a while he lifted up and left. I was thankful. I didn't want company. I wanted to be alone. He came back and dragged me up and sat in front of me. The smell of the cake in his hand making me nauseous. He lifted up a piece on a spoon and held it to my mouth. I couldn't open it. I didn't want too. I just wanted to waste away. I felt a hand on my nose, trapping my oxygen off. I didn't even try to breathe. I didn't want to anymore but my body reacted and my mouth shot open and he stuck it and clapped a hand over my mouth.

Please eat. Please chew it Kurt. Please I'm begging you.

His hand was over my mouth still and I finally looked at him. He was crying. Tears. I don't think I have ever seen him cry before. I soon felt sorry for him. So I did what I was told. I felt him relax and smile. He spoon fed me. For an hour. Forcing it down my thought lovingly. It made me sick. It made me throw up but he kept on going. I said he wasn't going anywhere and for a second I believed him. He didn't leave me. He stayed with me all night. Talking to my lifeless body. I could hear my dad in and out the room every five minutes checking on me. I seen him kneel down and stroke my hair.

I love you so much kiddo

I started to cry. The pain was excruciating. All the build up anger and emotions had finally clawed there way out. I screamed and the both held me. Hours and hours till the morning they held me. I heard banging on the front door. Next door thought there was a domestic in the house. The tears was my words because my words wouldn't leave my lips. I didn't speak for four days until I finally did.

"I just want to die."

Wes opened his eyes and looked around. He choked out a cry and lowered his gaze to the floor. They was all crying. They didn't know how bad it was. They didn't know how he felt. He wasn't just devastated, he was dying inside. Blaine had his hands his palms and was sobbing into them. Jeff was wrapped up in Nick and David was holding Wes. They didn't know how bad. They just didn't know.

Kurt couldn't stop thinking so he kept on going. Wes could sense it and he closed his eyes and let them hear again.

It was a week. I think. I don't know I still don't know what day it is. I heard Finn saying it was a week so I believed him. I was sitting at the kitchen table, my hands was placed in front of me and I looked at them. My right hand was bandage from punching my mirror the day before. Dad an Carol had gone out to sort my prescription of medication. I felt his Finn's hand reach over and place his on mine. I still hadn't spoke since I told them I wanted to die. I had nothing else to say to them. Nothing else was important. I just wanted to life back. I wanted my boyfriend back. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to be apart of something but I couldn't. I heard knocking on the door and Finn's grasp let go of me. It was Jeff. He was begging Finn to let him in but Finn wouldn't. They knew if I seen them I would break more than I already was. I heard him arguing with Finn. It made me sick. I heard the door shut and I felt my body tremble. I wanted my best friend. I wanted to be held by him. I wanted it more than anything but I didn't allow it. I knew if I seen him I would be worse. So I stayed where I was. Finn had wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed me on my cheek before sitting down and moving the plate of food in front of me. He placed the fork in my hand but I didn't grip it. I had hardly ate. Every time I did it made me sick. They said it was because of the shock. My body was rejecting the food. I had been put on a special diet for the weight I had lost. I needed to try for my family. I gripped the fork and put the food in my mouth. I swallowed it but brought it back up. I coughed and spluttered and Finn dragged me up and me to the bathroom. I wanted my family so bad. I wanted Blaine. I wanted Jeff. I wanted Nick. I wanted David. I wanted Wes. I wanted my life back. I wanted it back right now but they hated me and I don't blame them. I ruined them.

Blaine wanted to run in the room and hold his boyfriend. He wanted to tell him everything was okay. Jeff was balling his eyes out. He didn't know Kurt was right there. He didn't know that was how he felt. Nick felt sick for Kurt. They didn't know half of this, only what Finn had told them briefly. They carried on listening.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks. My medication was put in my hands and I put them in my mouth and brought the water up and swallowed them down. I was still like a robot but I was speaking more. The meds was helping with that.

"Do you want to go out today buddy?"

I looked up to my dad who was sitting beside me. His hand was stroking my hair and I closed my eyes. I felt safe. I hadn't been out yet but he asks me everyday. I wanted to make him happy.

"Yes."

My dad beamed and nodded before he grabbed my hair and stood me. He was holding my hand and we stepped out into the garden. The harsh light blinding me and I squinted and looked away. The doctors said my eyes would be sensitive to light. He reached down and pulled out a pay of sunglasses they are provided. He faced me and placed them in my face and I felt relived at the darkness. We carried on walking and he sat down on the grass and pulled me gently down with him. He laid me back and I laid back with him too. He hand was still in mine. I felt safe. I could see him looking at me, I turned my head to meet his. He started asking me the questions and I repeated them robotically.

"Do you feel like you're going to hurt yourself today?"

I shook my head now.

"On a scale of 1-10. How depressed do you feel right now?"

"7."

"Do you want to go back to Dalton?"

"No."

"Why kiddo?"

"Because they hate me."

"Do you know how much we all love you?"

"Yes."

"Have you taken your meds today? All of them?"

"Yes."

My dad held my hand tighter.

"I would be lost without you dad."

I felt my dad turn to me. I heard him sniffling. I didn't look at him though. I heard him cough to cover up the tears

"Promise me, promise me you'll never hurt yourself again?"

I couldn't promise him because I've never lied to him before. So I told him the truth.

"I have never lied to you. I'm not going to start doing it now."

Wes opened his eyes. It was getting to much but they needed to know. They needed to know how the felt. So he closed his eyes back again. Drowning in his thoughts

One month it had been. I had went outside today on my own and laid down and stared at the sky. I was outside for two hours. It was soothing. Me and Finn was watching a movie. I don't even know what it was. They said the noises would help with the thoughts, distracting my mind but it didn't work. He just wanted his family to think that. I had my head in Finns neck and his arms was wrapped around me.

"How do you feel today?"

"I don't want to kill myself at the moment. Progress I guess."

"You can joke about that dude. It's scary."

"Why is it scary? It's life."

"Well life is fucking cruel."

I pulled back and looked at him. He had stayed with me this whole time. Never left my side once unless I was with my dad or Carol. I watched him open his mouth and the words tumbled out.

"I don't know what I would if you died bro."

It was the first time he had called me brother. He didn't mean it in the way you would call your friends, he meant it. My mouth started to form I smile. The first one since I had left Dalton. I felt instantly guilty. I had no right to be happy after what I had done to them. I hope they was okay. I hope Blaine was coping. I hoped he move on even if I never could. Finn caught me smiling and he smiled back.

"You have a nice smile man."

I curled myself up into Finn and I relaxed. I didn't know what I would do without him too. I smiled again at his words. He had changed just like me.

Kurt shook his head and stood up. He looked at the time. Fuck me it had been an hour. He swore under his breath and left the room. He mind was raising and he tried to shake the thoughts away. He wouldn't get upset. He wasn't going to let himself. He got to the common room and opened the doors.

"Sorry I got distracted." He laughed and made his way over and sat in between Wes and Blaine and he kissed them both of the cheek. He felt the tension and he looked up. Had they all be crying?

"Who's fucking died?" Kurt asked confused. They just looked at him.

"You wanna be dealt in?" David tried to laugh out but it got strangled in his throat.

He looked over to Jeff and seen his tear stained face.

"Sweetheart what's wrong?" Kurt asked and tried to stand but Blaine gently sat him down.

"Why didn't you tell us how bad it was Kurt?" Jeff said letting the tears fall. Kurt looked around at them. Nick wasn't looking at him either.

"I don't know what you mean?" Kurt said confused. What the fuck is he on about?

He turned to Wes and then to Blaine who wasn't looking at him but they had silent tears falling. He started to panic and the realisation kicked in and he turned back to Wes.

"What the fuck did you do Wes?" Kurt turned towards him but Wes wasn't looking a him. He refused too.

"I said, what the fuck did you do?" Kurt demanded. He was seething. What did Wes show them?

Wes started to fidget in the chair. He felt the tears flow. He couldn't speak. Kurt stood up and got in front of Wes and leaned in.

"What the fuck did you do?" Kurt voice was full of rage. He eyes was flashing red and his fangs was showing. He couldn't think straight.

"I told him too." Blaine said weakly finally looking at Kurt. Kurt looked at him in disgust and turned back to Wes.

Kurt lost his shit. He grabbed Wes's face forcefully to make him look at him. Blaine stood up but Kurt pushed him back down. It was tense.

"What did you fucking do Wesley?" Kurt was inches away from his face. He spat the words out. It was more than bad.

"I'm so sorry! I just." He tried to move his head but Kurt kept it on place. "I heard you Kurt. I heard the suffering."

Kurt let go of him. Wes had broke his trust. They had all heard it. Everything. Wes had showed them. He did something he never thought he was capable of. He slapped him. Right across the face. He heard gasps from behind him. He seen Blaine jumped up and grab him around the waist to restrain

"That's enough Kurt!" Blaine shouted struggling as Kurt tried to get out of his grasp. "I told him too!"

Wes was crying. The red hand print was already forming. He kept saying sorry and over again but Kurt wouldn't listen. He got out of Blaine's grasp finally after a struggle.

"You broke my fucking trust." Kurt sobbed out before he left the room.

David shot over to Wes and tried to comfort him but Wes pushed him away. He tried again and he shook his head. David wasn't giving in. He wrapped his arms round him forcefully and held him.

"I'm so sorry Wes." Jeff said brokenly. He didn't realise that would happen. He didn't realise that it would affect Kurt that much them knowing.

Blaine shot up and stormed through the school. Wes was fucking heartbroken and so he should be. He's just been slapped

Blaine finally got to Kurt's door and pulled is firmly open and walking in. Kurt was pacing back and forth and his eyes was enraged.

"What the fuck do you think you're playing at? Hurting him!" Blaine slammed the door and turned towards his boyfriend. Kurt wasn't saying anything, he kept pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down.

"He adores you Kurt! He worships the ground you walk on! He would never intentionally hurt you!"

Kurt kept walking back and forth. Tears flowing from his eyes. Blaine stepped forward and grabbed Kurt by the waist and push him up against the wall. He grabbed Kurt's face forcefully like he had did to Wes and kurt started to squirm.

"Get off me!" Kurt shouted

"Not nice is it Kurt huh?" Blaine said and his grip became tighter and matched it.

"I said fucking get off me!" Kurt screamed again but his was weak from not feeding.

Blaine let go but stayed close to his face. "You are out of line. That was disgusting. Don't talk to me until you apologise to him and a fucking good one for that matter Kurt."

Blaine walked out the room and slammed the door. Kurt stood there looking at the door. He lifted his hands to his head and screamed once.

Why do I always fuck shit up?