The next morning Ressler and Liz dropped Agnes off at school on their way to their appointment at the hospital.
They arrived on time and were shown to a private exam room to await the doctor. A nurse arrived first to take his vital signs and to give him a gown to change into. Liz helped him though he didn't struggle as much as he used to with changing.
The doctor had ordered an x-ray for his hip and ribs so they took him to do that next. When the films came back they only had to wait a few minutes before the doctor was there as well.
"Good morning" he said when he entered the room. "Good to see you again. How's everyone doing this morning?"
"Been better" said Ressler and Liz who was standing behind him kind of shrugged, and pointed at Ressler with a tilt of her head. It was fairly obvious to the doctor that Ressler wasn't in the highest spirits so he started out by addressing the issue.
"What's on your mind today?" he asked as he washed his hands and put on a pair of gloves.
Ressler was sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet dangling over the side. He hesitated but the doctor waited patiently so he eventually said, "I'm worried."
"Worried about what?" asked the doctor as he put the films in the view box next to the scan from the day of the injury.
"I don't know if I'm healing normally."
"You're healing exceptionally fast actually" said the doctor, still looking at the scan. "The better your health the better you heal, so you must be a very health guy. You've come a long way."
"I know, I'm not really talking about my hip though."
"Okay" said the doctor, turning to face him. "What seems to be going on?"
"Well I haven't noticed any progress at all when it comes to my reproductive organs. I haven't had any urges or anything. No action at all. I guess I just thought - I mean my shoulder and my side are doing good, they are pretty much back to normal, and they are both flesh too. I mean there is no bone involved down there. I guess I'm just not used to feeling like I'm not- not a man and I don't think I ever will be."
"Alright, well it's only been just over three weeks, so I'm not surprised that nothing's happened. I mean, you know nerves take a long time to regenerate."
"Yah" said Ressler, "but in surgery, they said they reattached everything, so should it not touching already?"
"Yes and no" said the doctor, "the vas deferens and the arteries we were able to reattach and many of the nerves, but we almost certainly didn't get them all. Now, fortunately, because there are so many nerve endings in that area, they should be able to rearrange and do without a few, but unfortunately, we don't really have any way of knowing which ones are carrying impulses and which are not."
"So we don't know at all?" asked Ressler. "Like what kind of time frame are we looking at here?"
"It could be any time" said the doctor. "For the most part, your body is past the point of being stressed by your injuries, and I'm sure that you are producing at near normal levels again, likely on both sides. However, it's hard to know, and it's too soon to be worth testing. Give it another month. If nothing has happened by eight weeks after the accident we will take you for more exclusive testing."
"Five more weeks?" asked Ressler, releived just to be given some idea.
"Yup, we will see what happens between now and then. I wouldn't be surprised if you - and sorry to be blunt here - but I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't take that long. You might just wake up one morning with morning wood. It's hard to know. There might be some foreshadowing and there might not. Have you been weirdly hormonal lately? Any voice cracking, emotion flashes, teenager-type stuff?"
"I don't think so" said Ressler, "but I'll watch for it. It helps to know something, thank-you" he said.
"I know, that's half the struggle isn't it?" remarked the doctor. "The other thing is it might not be you that notices it first." The doctor looked at Liz. "You live together right?"
"Yes" said Liz, "I know him well."
"Ok, perfect. Watch for things out of character, anything that reminds you of a teenage boy, as strange as that sounds. It might not be much, and it might not be obvious and I have no idea how long it still last or if it will even be noticable at all. It's different on a case to case basis, but hormone flashes happen as your body starts to heal and testosterone production will skyrocket and then stop a few times until it finds equilibrium again."
"Ok" said Liz. "Last night actually, you were a bit more - uh - open with your thoughts than normal" she said, looking at Ressler. Then she turned to the doctor, "could that even by it?"
"Maybe or it might just be part of coping. That's what I mean when I say it can be hard to tell."
"Okay" said Liz and Ressler at the same time.
"Do you have more questions?" asked the doctor. "Don't be afraid to ask".
"Not right now" said Ressler, "I just mostly didn't know what to expect or what was normal. Now I do a little more. And I was wondering as to a time frame but I got that too."
"Alright" said the doctor. "Well, is in medicine know that normal is an irrelevant term, but I'm glad I could help." They all smiled. "Then we are going to look at you other injuries and see about starting to get you back to full mobility, how's that sound?"
"Amazing" said Ressler.
"Okay, could I get you to lay back for me" asked the doctor and Ressler lay back on the bed. "I'm gonna start with making sure that there is no infections or crazy things going on."
He looked at all of Ressler's injuries, remarking on how fast his bruising and shoulder and surgical scars had healed. Then he went over the x-rays with both of them, showing them the calcium deposits that connected his broken ribs and filled the hole in his hip bone. He explained that the bone was healing well, at it should.
Then he had Ressler stand and try to walk with putting a little weight on his bad leg. It hurt like hell but he gritted his teeth and did it anyway. Then the doctor put him through a series of muscle strength tests, comparing his good side to his bad.
In the end he decided that Ressler was more than ready to start physical therapy and he arranged the first appointment for the next day. He also gave him a list of strength and range of motion tests for Ressler to do at home as much he could handle. He also cleared Ressler for driving and standing and walking normally again or until it began to hurt. He encouraged him to remain vigilant and avoid putting stress on his hip, but he thought that he could safely bear his own weight without endangering the joint.
There was to be no running or strenuous activity on his feet yet, because they were already pushing his body insanely hard and that was simply to much.
He could work out and lift weights, but nothing more than 50lbs and only with his torso, not his legs, so he had to be sitting.
Finally he asked about how the pain meds were going.
"About how much do you take in a day."
"Well, I've actually not been using many at all lately" answered Ressler honestly, "after my struggle a few years ago, I try to avoid them at all. If I can handle the pain I will."
"Okay" said the doctor, "commendable. But now that you are starting therapy, you are going to be hurting. I think what I am going to do is give you a different painkiller. It's targeted at muscle pain so it will be more effective than what you are currently on without actually being more drugs. It's pills and they are fast acting, so if you are good with it, I would recommend that you make sure you have them without you, but only take one if you really need. Go as long as you can, and then when you really need to, take one, they kick in almost right away."
"That sounds like a narcotic" said Ressler.
"It's not" said the doctor, "it's opiate free. It's actually acetaminophen, so it's similar to strong Tylenol, just a slightly different makeup."
"Okay" agreed Ressler, he liked the idea of being able to control his intake, which was ironic considering that used to be his downfall.
The doctor gave him a cane, but made him keep his crutches for when he was standing for longer periods of time.
Ressler and Liz left the hospital feeling light and hopeful, reinforced with good news.
"Give me the keys" said Ressler as they walked slowly across the parking lot. He was swinging on his crutches, making sure his feet both touched the ground, even though he wasn't putting much weight on his bad leg yet. Just straightening it and getting used to stepping normally was helpful. It was slow going but it still felt good.
"You sure?" asked Liz, digging for the keys in her pocket.
"Yah, you heard the doc. He said I could drive again."
"I know, but right now?" she asked. She wasn't scared, she was just still catching up.
"Yah" said Ressler. "I love to drive. That's why I always drive. Hey, you know that. You've been sitting next to me in the passenger seat for 8 years."
She did know that. He was a good driver too, probably the best she'd ever ridden with. Or maybe I'm just biased.
"Okay" she said and she gave him the keys.
"Yes!" he pumped his fist. When they reached the vehicle Liz went straight to the passenger door. If he as going to drive himself to and from physical therapy the next day he had to manage by himself.
He did manage, quite well. He opened the back door first and tossed his crutches inside, then shut it and hopped on one foot to the driver's door. He climbed inside, buckled in and fired up the engine, sighing in joy.
Liz grinned at him and patted his leg.
"Feeling better are we?"
"So much" he said, his grin nearly splitting his face in half. "Thank you Liz. For believing in me and coming with me today."
"Of course" she said. "I love you."
"Me too" he said, then he leaned across the consul and cupped her cheek, kissing her deeply.
Liz returned the kiss passionately, it was the first one in over two days.
Eventually they pulled apart and Ressler but the vehicle in drive.
"Still headed for the Post Office?" he asked looking at Liz.
"Well, we might as well stop for lunch first" said Liz, pointing at the clock on the screen between them. The visit had taken them longer than they had expected. "But then - yes, absolutely".
Ressler basically pranced his way back into the Post Office. Noticing his inability to calm down while waiting for the elevator, Liz laughed.
"What?" demanded Ressler. He didn't see where with was that funny. "I haven't been here in almost a month. That's like forever. I even miss Aram."
"You're like a little kid, that's all" said Liz. "Agnes has more patience than you." Ressler was standing as far forward as possible in the elevator, looking through the tiny window.
When the door finally did open, releasing him into the war room, Ressler paused and looked around. The other agents had heard the elevator however, so they came over right away.
"Looking good on your feet again" said Alina.
Aram didn't say anything he just tried to sweep Ressler into a hug right away.
"I feel good" said Ressler, "just got back from the doc and he said that I get to start Physical Therapy tomorrow. I'll be back on the job in no time."
"Well it's good to have you back" said Cooper, "you were missed. You're more than welcome to help with the paperwork end of things for the next few weeks if you're not too tired from PT."
"Yah" said Ressler, "I'll try. I like being here" as he accepted well wishes from Yvonne and Colin.
"So I hear that Reddington came back?" asked Ressler. "What's up with that?"
"Yah, he didn't really have much of an explanation. He happened to come at a time when Liz wasn't here, but I'm sure he's gonna want to talk to her."
"Well he doesn't get to" said Liz. They all paused to look at her. "What?" she asked. "I've decided to allow this whole - taskforce to continue because I know that we do good things, but I'm done with Reddington. I'm cutting him out of my life. He doesn't get to talk to me any more, he doesn't get to be a part of my life. When he has a case he can call Cooper."
Almost as if he knew that they were talking about him, the group heard the elevator coming up, and sure enough Reddington stepped off.
"Ahhh, Donald!" he said when the doors opened. "Good to see you again, I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you were in the hospital."
"Oh it's quite alright" assured Ressler, his usual 'dealing with Reddington' look on his face.
"And Lizzy! Perfect, we need to talk."
Liz ignored him. She figured it would be easiest just to start strong.
"She's severing ties" provided Ressler. "You can talk to Cooper, but you are out of her personal life."
"Which includes you" said Liz quietly at his side, elbowing him lightly.
"Oh we'll see about that" said Reddington.
Gone was Liz's resolve.
"No really" she said, stepping close to his face. "I have had enough. I know that what we do here matters and I think it should continue. But I am done with the lying, the spying, and you constantly forcing yourself into my life. If it happens again, you'll be sorry. That includes Don too" she pointed at Ressler.
"Wow, you're serious about this" said Reddington.
Liz wasn't sure exactly if he meant her relationship with Ressler or her job, but it didn't matter, she was serious about both. He hadn't earned the right to know about her and Ressler though, so she only expanded on the occupational point.
"I am. I'm going back to being a regular field agent. If you can't go directly to Cooper, you can find a new in-between cause I'm done." She turned away from him and walked back to Ressler's side. He looked down at her with a smile on his face and pride in his eyes. He mouthed "I love you" to her.
"Well, we would love to have you back in the field agent area, cause we are down our best man right now" said Cooper, clapping a hand on Ressler's shoulder. "We are really feeling it".
"As for you, I assume you are here with a case?" Cooper asked Reddington.
"Yes, but in case you are forgetting, one of the terms of our agreement is that I speak only with Elizabeth Keen."
"Well, you know as well as I that that part of the agreement was never written." Cooper replied and they all let him take the lead. "If you insist on sticking to that then the immunity deal is off and you won't be walking out of this facility without handcuffs."
Reddington just nodded, a resigned look on his face. Then he led the way up to Cooper's office.
He did in fact have a case, one that had Liz running around the country side talking to family. It wasn't a time urgent manner, so she knew she would be home before supper.
Ressler hung around the Post Office but it felt weird not going out on the call with Liz and the others. He left when Agnes' school ended, picking her up and going home to save the nanny from coming. He made chicken alfredo for supper, glad to be on his feet long enough to do so again.
Later that night, after Agnes was asleep and both Ressler and Liz had showered, he lay in bed while Liz was forcing a brush through her hair. She stood in the ensuite off of the master bedroom and the door was open so he could see her.
She had a towel wrapped around her body, and he thought she looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her, trying to force her hair into cooperation. He was more tired than he cared to admit because he had been on his feet more today than since the accident happened. He knew he should sleep because before he knew it he would be at PT, but first he wanted to ask her a question.
"Liz?" he asked, loud enough that she could hear him but still quiet because it was nighttime and one didn't generally be loud when they shared a wall with random strangers.
"Yah?" she turned to look at him.
"Did you mean what you told Reddington today? You're done with him?"
"Yes. I mean, I know so long as the taskforce exists he's going to be there in some capacity, but he doesn't need to be involved the way he was."
"What if he doesn't listen?"
"I think he will. I still have no idea why, but he cares about me and I think he will respect that. I mean he respect's my choosing you."
"You think? Not that it actually matters. But I mean - he didn't actually say as much."
"No, but he didn't raise a stink about it either, and he normally would have." She put her brush away and closed the door, blocking his view while she changed into pajamas. So far, neither of them had seen the other in their naked entirety and they had a unspoken agreement to leave it that way for the time being. They knew that when they could eventually have their first time that would make it a bit more special.
Ressler waited until she walked out, fully clothed and turned off the light, pulling back the covers and crawling in beside him, to reply. "Okay, I'll agree with whatever you decide, you know that. But I won't lie either, I'm glad you finally told him off. I'm proud of you." He stroked her face, kissing her gently.
"Well, you and I - we've both loved before. And lost. And Audrey and Tom - losing them - it was at least in part due to Reddington. This is our second chance" she tapped their sides, "and I want it to be Reddington-free."
"Me too. I want a normal life with you. And that definitely doesn't include Reddington."
"I know. So I just thought it was time to separate work and home again. As much as possible anyway. And that starts with Reddington."
"Yah. That guy had been controlling our lives for too long. Work is one thing, but this - us - here - it's just ours. He doesn't need to be a part of it."
"Agreed." She turned on her side, looking at him in the dark. "Now we should get some sleep. Someone has PT in the morning."
"Yah." He turned on his side to spoon her and pulled her close again, a lot closer then the night before and they were both asleep in minutes.