Forged Anew
Muffled voices drift on the air and Lani follows them; stalking down the corridor toward the War Room. She can already guess the thrust of their conversation, long before she slinks in through the small wicket gate. Her companions are staggered about the room, much as they were when she first returned from the Fade.
Cassandra looms over the War Table - tall and imposing - her cheekbones almost as sharp as the bloody blade she clenches in her hand.
Drip, drip, drip.
Scarlet liquid slides down the sword, splashing onto an ever growing puddle on the floor.
"We have no choice, it's us or her," she declares and a murmur of consensus emerges from Lani's assembled friends.
"Why is it even open for debate?" Dorian saunters through the puddle with lofty indifference, tracking bloody footprints behind him as he drifts about the room. "The life of an elf is not worth such consideration."
"Whatever," Varric grumbles, not even deigning to look up from the stack of papers in front of him. "Let's just get it over with, so I can get back to my real family."
Lani crosses her arms, "Don't you ever grow weary of being so predictable?" The poor imitations of her friends disperse into a cloud of inky Fearlings. Lani grimaces in revulsion, as the sinister minions flee into the Fade, and a disembodied cackle echoes around her.
"They are your fears, Inquisitor. It has been so long since I tasted them." Nightmare's voice crawls over her skin in a repulsive caress. "Imagine my surprise when I felt them, shining once again, like a beacon through the Fade. Exquisite as ever. Ordinary people have such ordinary fears. But you…"
Darkness gathers; oozing from cracks in the walls and slithering from shadows cast across the floor. The aspect of Nightmare manifests before her, coils of cold fear rolling off its nebulous bulk. Lani braces herself, preparing to fight the demon. Its edges sharpen, solidifying into familiar arms and long legs. Lani cannot help the tremulous beating of her heart; the surge of adrenaline, fear and desire, that courses through her at the sight of even a false Solas.
Nightmare smirks at her reaction, "Oh… not even Stroud delivers me such treasure and a Grey Warden's fears are far from ordinary too."
"Stroud is alive?" Lani gasps in horror. She has been guilt ridden by her decision to leave Stroud behind - but to know that he yet lived and was being tormented by this repellant creature is too much to bear.
Nightmare inhales deeply, as though her fear permeates the very air, and twists Solas' perfect mouth into a cruel grin. "Vhenan…" he mocks, "I am not the wasteful kind. Would you like to see what has become of him?"
Lani's lip curls in a sneer, "I should have found a way to destroy you when I had the chance."
Nightmare cackles gleefully. "But you didn't, you ran away and left poor Stroud behind, with me," he mewls, in a perverse show of feigned sorrow. He clasps his hands behind his back, cocking his head - an impeccable imitation of Solas, "Perhaps better not to show you, the sight would simply make you angry. Left to fester however, all those myriad possibilities, your own imagination tormenting you…" He circles around her, pressing close and laughing low under his breath; almost giddy in her presence. "Yes…" he hisses, "I've missed you."
Magic flares to life on Lani's fingertips and she turns to face the demon. He puts space between them, but eyes her aggressive stance with amused indifference. Seeing this expression on Solas' face, it wakes an irrational fury in her - every muscle tensing with tightly contained rage.
Nightmare grimaces, features twisting with disgust and his tongue thrusts from his mouth, as though he has tasted something offensive. "Tsk, too much rage. No-no-no, I will leave you now. Dream again of your Dread Wolf for me, of how he never loved you." Nightmare reaches out, as though to caress her cheek.
"You don't know that," Lani insists. Though she doesn't expect she can do any real harm, she slaps his hand away with her scorching touch. To her surprise he rears back with an angry, pained hiss.
Nightmare draws himself up, growing large and looming over her. Lani smirks, pleased she could enrage Nightmare in return. "He stood beside you in the Fade and I knew him in an instant. I could see what you did not! Not even the great Fen'Harel can hide from me - his fears writ large. Do you want to know what they were?"
"No." Even if she did, she would never ask this demon for anything.
"Liar," Nightmare drawls. "He feared you would uncover the truth about him and realise that he was stringing you along. He had to break it off, he could not bear it anymore. The repulsion he felt, every time you touched him." Nightmare screws up his nose in disgust, cutting Lani to the quick. Even though she knows the demon is playing her, it still hurts so much. "He didn't fear you however. Small and insignificant elf, not a true and proud Elvhen."
Lani scoffs, "You're the liar and a terrible one. You think I can't recognise my own fears? I saw the tombstones, I know what Solas' greatest fear is." The thought fills her with such sorrow and Nightmare gasps.
"Yes…" the demon purrs. "He will die alone, because he left you behind. You can't help him now."
"Shut up," she snaps, annoyed that she gave Nightmare an opening. Lani flees from the War Room, but the demon shadows her with ease.
"He is all alone without you Inquisitor and there is nothing you can do about it." Lani tries to shut out his words, delivered in Solas' own smooth voice. They are too cruel, too precise - piercing directly into her heart. "He will always push you away, because he believes he deserves to suffer - to die for what he has done, what he will do." Lani staggers to a halt, her resolve crumbling. Nightmare hisses in her ear, his arms curling around her like grasping tendrils, "You cannot save him from himself."
"I think we've had quite enough of that," a wizened voice announces and Lani's head snaps up to find Flemeth standing before her. Nightmare shrinks away from her with an angry shriek. "Begone little Nightmare," Flemeth flicks her fingers at the demon, "before you bite off more than you can chew."
Nightmare is gone in a flash and Lani shudders with relief, as the suffocating pall of fear dissipates. Then Flemeth locks her unwavering, sulphurous gaze directly upon her and Lani's pulse quickens once again. She has wits enough to recall their last meeting however, and she hastens to deliver a polite bow.
"A pleasure to see you again," she remarks, with as much sincerity as she can muster.
"Always such a polite child," Flemeth notes, studying her with great amusement. An uneasy silence stretches between them and Lani's chest heaves as she returns Flemeth's stare. The longer she looks at her, the more she feels she is being drawn toward a great, yawning void. Within that endless pit, something dark and alien thrashes. Lani blinks, dropping her gaze to the floor; terrified that she will go mad if she peers any longer beneath the fleshy mask that is Flemeth.
"T-to what do I owe this pleasure?" Lani stammers, more unsettled by Flemeth's presence than Nightmare's. At least a fear demon was predictable, its motives - its nature - comprehensible.
"I believe we may be in a position to help one another." Surprised, Lani dares a glance at the crone. Flemeth's mouth curves into a wry, predatory grin and Lani's heart flutters in her chest like a fledgling bird. Whatever Flemeth wants with her, it can't be good, but how can she dare to defy a goddess - or a part of a goddess? Lani swallows nervously, it was still unclear just how much of Mythal resided within Flemeth. She was not interested in being the fool that discovers the enormity of her power by provoking her - much as Morrigan had.
"I'm not in a position to help anyone at the moment," Lani states and then looks up sharply - working hard to school her features. Perhaps Flemeth is perfectly aware of what Lani is suffering and is swooping in to take advantage of her desperation. What does she possess that could be of interest to Flemeth?
Instinctively she curls her left hand into a fist. Corypheus had wanted the Anchor - even more than the Orb. He was obsessed with it and Lani wonders what else the mark is capable of. What other secrets does it hold, that one as ancient and powerful as Flemeth might know?
"I'm not sure what use I could be to you," Lani hedges, weighing up potential means of escape. She has not yet managed to awaken herself on command, but she feels fairly confident of her ability to flee deeper into the Fade. Her confidence wilts though, as the unfathomable vastness of Mythal flashes through her mind - what hope is there, of escape from such a creature?
"In less pressing circumstances, your modesty might be charming Herald." The amusement fades from Flemeth's gaze. "You are the only one that can help me now. For you see, Fen'Harel has caught my scent."
"Do not-" Lani catches herself, swiftly moderating her tone to something more obeisant, "I beg you, do not invoke him in my dreams."
The smirk returns to Flemeth's face, "Then this is a conversation better had awake."
Lani's eyes snap open and she sits up in her bed to see Flemeth looming nearby. A panicked glance around her quarters finds Dorian and Varric slumped on the settee and Cassandra laid out on the floor.
"I did them no harm," Flemeth assures her, following her gaze. "They sleep soundly so that we may talk."
A petulant spark flares to life inside Lani, "Perhaps I do not care if you harm them. They tried to kill me." She knows it is not what she feels - not truly - but it is just so tempting, to give herself over to bitterness and rage.
"Out of kindness, child," Flemeth reproves her and Lani's cheeks burn with shame. The crone continues more gently, "I understand the sense of betrayal however. It was my own children that orchestrated my demise after all."
"Your…?" Lani gasps, horrified by this revelation. "The Creators murdered you? Why would they do such a thing?"
"Long have I pondered their motivations. It would be simple to say they hungered for power and I was merely an obstacle. But the truth is often far more complicated, is it not?" Flemeth sidles closer and eases herself onto the bed. Lani's eyes darts everywhere but at Flemeth, fighting the overwhelming urge to flee. "With so much history between us, our relations could not be anything other than complicated." The old witch gazes wistfully into the dark, her thoughts turning to memories of times long forgotten. "Or perhaps it is that simple - and they resented the fact that I favoured others over my own offspring."
"I can't imagine why you would," Lani remarks wryly, "they sound so lovely." Flemeth chuckles and Lani feels emboldened, "Why do you think Solas is after you?"
Flemeth cocks her head in surprise, "Told you did he?"
Her casual confirmation triggers a roiling of emotion within Lani. She has been in denial, from the moment she awoke and fled from the Fade - from Fen'Harel. Even with Nightmare she could not be certain he was not just playing up her own fears. Flemeth's words drive into her; a physical blow that knocks the wind from her lungs. It hurts so deeply to know beyond a doubt that Solas lied to her. That he had used her.
"He did not," she says bitterly. Not when it mattered. When she was Lani and not Maera. She hunches forward, pain throbbing in her heart. How does she reconcile herself to the truth? Fen'Harel had been so sweet, so tender with her - no, with Maera. Was it truly all a lie? It is far easier to believe that Solas harboured nefarious intentions. When he could be so cold at times; so guarded.
One and the same. One and the same! she admonishes herself.
"Oh, ho ho… Clever girl," Flemeth croons.
Lani shakes her head, No. I have been a fool twice over.
"Yes, I believe I am making the right decision," Flemeth natters on, either ignorant or indifferent to Lani's anguish. "Is it fate, I wonder? Here you are, in need of aid and I… seeking a boon. I could not quite decide what to do. When fate gifts you an easy path, sometimes one wonders if it is the right one. On the other hand, ofttimes the simplest solution is the best."
"I thought you said it was complicated?" Lani quips, forgetting herself for a moment - or perhaps just not caring anymore. Some tortured, self-destructive part of herself wants to taunt the hungry dragon before her.
"It is about to become more-so," Flemeth retorts ambiguously.
"You want something from me?" Lani determines, burying the Anchor beneath the blankets in her lap. As though that could shield her from Flemeth and her desires.
"I want to gift you something," she corrects, her voice smooth and persuasive. "A sliver, a slip, a wisp. To help paste over the cracks." Flemeth's gaze is so intense, it feels like she can see straight into Lani, her eyes tracing the margins of those fractures. It makes her acutely aware of those pieces herself - drifting ever apart, the Fade rushing in. Swelling, pressing relentlessly - driving her unerringly to the point where she will be stretched too far and sundered utterly.
She closes her eyes, breath short and shallow, as she tries to shake off the nauseating feeling. Lani thought she had saved herself, but it was merely a halting measure. There is no salvation. No fixing what Cole has done and if anything, the Anchor is making it worse. Turning her into a conduit, not just to her stolen feelings and memories, but potentially to anything that lurked within the Fade. Vivienne had been more right than she knew - it was a miracle that Lani hadn't yet turned into an abomination.
Mythal's voice worms into her ears, urgent and seductive, "I was broken once, shattered not unlike yourself. I clawed my way through the aeons, pulling some semblance of myself back together. If I gave you a part of me, it would remember the doing of it. It would help you."
"You don't think I could do it myself, as you did?" Lani grinds out, her pride running hot, despite her fear and misery.
"I do not doubt your tenacity. But alas, your time ebbs quickly," she adds with grim finality.
Lani licks her lips. Flemeth is talking about possession, the very thing that Morrigan had accused her of. It sounds so tempting, almost reasonable - but Lani cannot trust her own decisions, knowing how desperate and vulnerable she is.
I don't want to die, a pitiable little voice inside her cries. Is it not death either way? she reasons. Surely even a sliver of Flemeth could overwhelm her. Could push Lani aside, just as surely as the Fade was at this very moment. "I'm not sure…" she remarks aloud.
Flemeth scoffs, "Morrigan has made you wary of me."
"'No boon of Mythal was ever granted without cost.' These are the words of your own sentinel, guarding the Vir'Abelasan," Lani is quick to retort. "Though yes, after seeing the control you now exert over Morrigan, I am wary. I think the timing of this offer is highly suspect."
"You do?" Flemeth's eyebrows peak with genuine surprise. "Was it not you that called out to me?"
"I did?" Lani rubs at her brow, attempting to sift through her murky memories. "I did," she confirms, recalling the habitual prayer that had fallen from her lips, as she lay in Dorian's arms - overwhelmed with shame and despair.
"Yes. And so… here I am," Flemeth throws her arms wide with a flourish.
Lani narrows her eyes with great skepticism, "You've never come before. Not once, in all the years that I cried your name in entreaty."
"I have never heard you, until now," Flemeth informs her. "Imagine my surprise." The crone cocks her head at Lani, peering at her as though she is a most curious, delightful specimen. "Providence it appears, seeks to answer both our prayers."
Silence falls between them once again, as Lani considers her offer. Flemeth watches her with a patience forged by aeons - or simply confident of Lani's inevitable capitulation.
"Will I be different?" Lani asks at length.
"Of course you will be different," Flemeth scoffs. "A hurtful word from trusted friends can change you. Receiving the Anchor changed you. With every choice you make, you become different from who you were and who you might have been."
Lani pushes a strained, exasperated breath from her throat, "Is it a rule - when you hit a thousand years or so - that your words must always be obfuscated?"
Flemeth cackles quietly, a mad gleam flashing through her golden eyes, "I pray you never learn." Lani swallows nervously, unconsciously shuffling to put more space between them. "To answer your question then… Ultimately, not in any way you will notice," she gently asserts.
Doubts twist Lani's gut. She thinks back to a conversation she had with Solas. He had called her wise, for observing that she would likely not even notice, if she had in fact been changed by the Anchor. Cole had proven the depth of her wisdom - for neither she or any of her friends and noticed how he had changed her.
"That is not a reassuring answer," she huffs.
"I cannot undo everything that has been done to you. But you will remain in control of yourself, if that is your concern," Flemeth clarifies. "You Herald - as you were, as you are - only, with a little extra. Some of what was and what will be."
Lani's eyes trail over her friends, lingering on Cassandra. "Do I even have a choice?" she muses, her voice small and tight. What Flemeth offers is frightening. However, death at the hands of her friends - or even worse - becoming the agent of their destruction, that is an unbearable fate.
"More than most," Flemeth replies, "Life or death. Madness or sanity."
Lani is not entirely convinced of Flemeth's sanity, or that it's a good idea to take that sort of derangement into herself. "Why would you want to give this to me?"
"Because I believe it will be safe with you."
Lani blinks in surprise, at such a seemingly earnest and straight-forward response. "Won't Solas come looking for it? If he wants to harm you-"
"It is not that he wants to harm me," Flemeth is quick to interject. "But I have power that he needs now, more than ever." The old witch sighs ruefully, "I tried to teach him patience, but he is still so hasty."
"Hasty?" Lani scoffs incredulously. This is not a descriptor Lani ever thought to apply to Solas - who considered at length every single decision he made, no matter how mundane.
"Oh yes, he has always been rash. I have bided my time far longer than he. Yet I will give this life to him, if that is what he thinks he needs."
"You will let him take your life?" she cries, aghast. "Why would you do such a thing? Why would he?" She shakes her head, tears threatening at the edge of her vision. She hates the resignation in Flemeth's voice and the idea that Solas could do something so monstrous. "If he is truly capable of such, why would he hesitate to tear a piece of you from me?"
"Do you not believe him the terrible beast of Dalish legend?" Flemeth fixes her with such a pitying look, it draws a choked sob from her throat. "Whatever could tame such a monster?"
Lani pulls her knees to her chest, trying to shut out Flemeth's words. His final mural comes to mind - the great wolf looming over a slain dragon. The proof was right there in front of her and she was wilfully blind to it. She has been a fool long enough where Solas is concerned and she refuses to let hope rekindle inside her broken heart. "You are wrong - about me, about him."
"Then prove me wrong," Flemeth urges.
Lani wipes the errant tears from her cheeks and shrugs, "I'm not Morrigan."
Flemeth cackles gleefully at her sardonic remark, "Indeed, you are far more temperate, even in your current state."
Lani sighs, hugging her knees. The promise of what Flemeth is offering seems worth the risk - assuming the old crone is telling the truth and her intent is not to possess her. Lani would not have ever considered herself a promising candidate to host a goddess - but the Anchor gives her pause. She has not sensed that Flemeth was lying to her, but Lani has been unable to bring herself to look at her long enough to read the minute changes in her expressions.
"Would you help me rescue a friend, in exchange for keeping this sliver of you safe?" If she is going to risk herself, she might as well ask for better compensation.
Flemeth scowls at her, "It is not enough that I am offering to clean up the mess that has been made of you?"
Lani sets her jaw determinedly, "No, it isn't."
"And where is this friend?"
"In the Fade, held captive by the Nightmare demon."
"Ahhh…" Understanding lights on Flemeth's face. "You do not need my help to enter the Fade," her gold eyes drift pointedly to Lani's left hand. "Nightmare however…" She shifts closer on the bed, draws her clawed glove across her chest and extends it toward Lani. A tiny, blue spark flickers - gently cradled in Flemeth's palm. "Accept this and you will know how to deal with Nightmare."
Lani eyes the spark skeptically, "I have to take your word for it though?"
"Yes Herald," she chuckles, "it is time to take a leap of faith."
"This is it?" she asks, still hesitant. "No elaborate rituals, no blood sacrifices?" It seems too easy - too innocuous. That, more than anything Flemeth has said, makes Lani wary.
"No. Do not be fooled by appearances however, this is no simple task." Even now, with a part of her soul exposed, Flemeth waits patiently.
Lani blows out a few nervous breaths and squeezes her eyes shut. She nods her head in agreement, her body tense with anticipation. Flemeth presses her hand to Lani's chest and she feels a pinch, then grunts as ice pierces her; pushing through every inch of her being. There is a whispering in the back of her mind and a sense that her worldview has expanded once again. Just as swiftly, the chill fades and the whispers fall quiet. Lani blinks her eyes open to find Flemeth gazing at her tenderly.
"Not nearly as dramatic as the last time, I'm sure," she chortles. "What a busy soul you have, Sulahnean." Flemeth reaches up to gently stroke Lani's hair.
Her brow furrows, perplexed by this sudden - almost maternal - change in Flemeth's behaviour. She notes it is also the first time she has ever called her by her actual name. Because a part of her resides in me now, her eyes widen at the revelation, only now am I worthy; a vessel for her precious soul.
"I must go, I do not want Solas to know I was here," Flemeth makes to rise from the bed and Lani impulsively clutches at her.
"Don't go, please!" She snatches her hands way from the witch, shocked by her desperate actions. Whatever she had felt about Flemeth's demise before, it is powerfully eclipsed now. Sorrow twists painfully inside her, at the mere thought of Flemeth coming to harm. Even so, Lani's anger flares, "You said I would not be changed!" she accuses hotly.
"I said you would not notice," Flemeth remarks mildly.
"This is noticeable!" she growls, clutching her hands over her heart. "I can't bear it," she can barely form the words to express her heartache. "I can't let him kill you." Tears spill from her eyes once again and Flemeth pulls her close.
"Hush… It will all be well, I promise," she murmurs quietly against the top of Lani's head. "Solas will take what he needs-"
"No…" she whimpers and Flemeth pulls back, holding her face steady between her hands.
"These feelings…" Flemeth pauses, considering her words, "… they will pass and ultimately, you will feel as you did before."
"You fucking Elvhen and your…" Lani grits her teeth, as she grasps Flemeth's hands; torn between throwing them off and pulling her closer. "Your tangled words! Does it salve your conscience? Do you fool yourself into believing you are not a villain and a liar?"
Flemeth endures Lani's scolding with a parental forbearance. "If you wish to be free of these feelings, you must let me go."
Lani drops her hands and squares her shoulders - steeling herself against the compulsions of Flemeth's soul fragment.
"Good girl," Flemeth leans forward to place a kiss on Lani's forehead, sorely testing her resolve. "Until we meet again."
Lani fights to remain still, as Flemeth rises from her bed and crosses the room. Without a backward glance, she slips through the door onto the balcony. Momentarily, Lani hears the beating of her great wings, as Flemeth flies off to meet her fate.
She sits alone in her bed, nursing a familiar sense of abandonment. She shrugs it off, hoping that there are no further surprises in store. Mentally she kicks herself. Of course there was a catch. It could never be so simple. She has to assume that there was some truth to what Flemeth claimed - that she would be in control of herself again. Lani doesn't know how to test the truth of it, she feels no different than she did yesterday. She can't imagine however, that Flemeth would give a part of her soul for safe-keeping, if she thought Lani remained in danger of becoming an abomination.
Will I feel it? she wonders with awful trepidation. Will she know the moment that Solas kills Flemeth? She rests her head on her knees. Don't dwell on it, she remonstrates herself, these are not your feelings. Focus instead on the work that remains.
Stroud, she scowls. What would be required? Getting to the Fade was not a problem. Finding Nightmare however, perhaps their best bet was to return to Adamant. As for defeating the demon, Flemeth had said she would have what she needed, but Lani has no great insight; no sudden revelation as to what she should do.
She cannot leave Stroud however, knowing that he is alive. Nightmare could have been lying of course; simply attempting to torment her. She could be walking directly into a trap. But if there was a chance that the Warden still lived, that they had left him behind to suffer endless torments at the hands of that revolting demon. Lani cannot stand by and allow it.
Dagna might get her chance to enter the Fade after all, she chortles. Yes, she was resolved, they would do it. If she can convince everyone that it needs to be done. That she is capable of doing it. She looks over to where her friends still lay in peaceful slumber.
"Oh, Fenhedis!" she curses, flopping back on her bed. She cringes, thinking of the conversation that awaits with her friends. Of having to admit that she agreed to take a part of Flemeth's soul. It seems so reckless and ill-advised in hindsight. "How am I ever going to explain this to everyone?"