I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.
-Anne Frank
Shay poked at her salmon, having no appetite whatsoever. She wasn't the hugest fan of fish as it was, but her mother had actually cooked a meal and was watching her, so she shoveled a few bites into her mouth and tried to not look miserable.
But boy was she miserable.
She held a cold spoon underneath her eyes to bring down the puffiness of crying all night, and thankfully, it seemed to work. That, or her mother just didn't notice the redness in their dim dining room. Either way.
They sat across from each other at the dining table that they used probably four times a year. It was a heavy, dark wood one that belonged to her grandpa- one of the few things her mother kept when he died. A pendant light hung above them, one of the bulbs out so the other just cast weird shadows along the table and walls as they ate in near silence.
Shay forced another forkful into her mouth just as her mom cleared her throat.
"So, I know you've already picked a school, but maybe you can do a few more days at the lab to finish out."
Shay hoped her expression didn't scream guilt. She had picked a school, technically, just maybe not the one her mother thought she did. And she would tell her. One of these days. Maybe when the first semester was over. Or at graduation.
"Maybe," Shay conceded, pausing before shrugging. "I've been a little busy lately with school and work."
"Well your studies come first," her mom reminded, taking a sip of her wine. "And just—"
"Mom," Shay interrupted, rubbing her head a little. The last twenty four hours were catching up to her and making her tongue looser. "I've had a really bad weekend. Can we talk about normal things? Like, boring, not future related things?"
Her mom paused with the fork mid-way to her mouth. Shay had given up being honest with her a long time ago, usually hitting a brick wall, but now her mother seemed to contemplate her words as her eyes scrunched behind her glasses.
She put her fork back down and smoothed the edges of her unwrinkled brown cardigan, assessing Shay with a look that almost made her squirm and take back her words.
And then she surprised her.
"What do you want to talk about?"
Shay was shocked she had accepted this request, and her mind blanked on what she actually wanted to ask.
"I don't know," Shay leaned her head on her hand. "How did you meet dad?"
It might've been a sore subject for some divorced people, but she knew her mom didn't hold onto grudges like most. While she didn't spend a lot of time talking to Shay's dad, she didn't seem particularly bothered by his new wife and Shay thought it might be a safe topic.
"At college, surely we've told you that," she scoffed, taking another sip of wine.
"No. Were you in a class together or something?" Shay knew they went to the same school when they mentioned professors or had their diplomas hung on the wall, but she'd never heard the story.
"Later on, we had the same major so we had a lot of classes together. But we actually first met in an Introductory Philosophy course."
"Really?" Shay's eyebrows shot up. "You two don't seem the type."
"We weren't," her mom said, her mouth curving into a smile. "We bonded over our mutual hatred for it. Give me science or math any day."
"And this class was at Berkeley?"
Her mom nodded, her expression far away.
"Did you like Berkeley better, or San Diego where you grew up?"
"Well I actually lived in Michigan until I was 12. It was quite the contrast from San Diego – I prefer the warm weather, but Michigan at least prepared me for the cold and rain here."
Shay felt her head exploding. Why did her mom never tell her things? Like normal, human things that parents shared with their kids? She knew her mom's parents had both died before Shay was old enough to remember them, but that was only because she had stumbled upon their picture one day in the attic. Otherwise, her mom never talked about her childhood.
"Michigan? I never knew!" Shay said, shaking her head. "Were your parents from there?"
"Yes," her mother's bright eyes dulled a bit at their mention. "We never had much. They were always working to support us, so I spent a lot of time on my school work and at the library."
Hm, not around much, Shay thought sarcastically. For someone who knew the feeling, her mom sure didn't mind replicating it.
"Why did you move to San Diego?" Shay asked, moving past that twist of bitterness for the moment.
"My mom died when I was 12. Lung cancer. She always smoked too much." A sliver of emotion pressed into her mom's voice that caused Shay to straighten in her chair. "My father's sister lived in San Diego. He thought I needed a woman's influence in my life."
Shay had all this family she had never known or heard of, and instead of making her feel better, it was sort of making her feel worse.
"Did you like her?"
"Aunt Patty? Sure," her mother waved her hand. "But she had her own life and children. I haven't seen her in years."
Shay processed all this new information, taking another bite of her food and chewing slowly.
"Well I like to hear about these things," Shay finally settled on, looking up to her mother's slightly widened eyes. "If you ever want to talk about them."
Her mom nodded as she rose from her seat, tilting her head toward her glass to indicate she was getting a refill. Just as she was passing Shay, she leaned down abruptly, gripping her shoulders briefly and squeezing once before going into the kitchen.
Shay froze but couldn't help the smile that formed on her face.
Jacob streaked through the trees, his mind cycling from hurt to anger to despair over and over again. The only constant was the look on Shay's face as she told him to leave her alone, her eyes making his gut twist painfully as he tried to run and clear his mind.
Wow, it's almost like we were right when we told you not to be a douche to her in the beginning.
Paul's voice was mocking in Jacob's head, making him snap his teeth and send Paul back a bloody image of him tearing into his shoulder.
Paul was only amused by this thought, his mind subconsciously flashing to talking to Rachel on the phone last night, excitement in her voice at coming home next week.
What happened to us not being on patrol together, Jake growled, running his perimeter through the woods. He kept close to Shay's house unless she needed something, but so far the most he'd seen from her was a peek through the curtains as she ate dinner with her mom.
You're not supposed to be on patrol, Paul pointed out. You're just pissed off and not phasing back.
Jake knew this was true but he still felt too charged up to go home. He was sure his dad would somehow know something, and he wasn't ready to face it yet. He'd phased back briefly to call Shay every few hours, but so far she hadn't so much as sent him a text.
Un-do it then! Her voice echoed in his memory. He'd never felt such a stab in the chest, never thought someone could hurt him so much with so few words. All he wanted to do was be around her.
So go talk to her, Paul shot at him.
She told me to leave her alone.
So? I've seen this pathetic moment play in your mind over and over. You explained it like shit. Just go and explain it better.
But Jacob couldn't. He needed to prepare what to say, because if it didn't work this time...he couldn't take it. He needed her to understand, needed her to know that staying away from her was like tearing his body in half over and over again.
Did you finish her car? Paul asked, cutting off his misery spiral.
Yeah.
Ok, start there. You don't want to talk to her? Show her what you mean until she can't ignore it.
Jake paused, the idea running through his mind.
Did you just give me actual good advice?
Shut up and get out of here, Black.
Shay found herself in Kim's house an hour later.
After the almost normal dinner with her mom, she had disappeared to shower and go to bed early, and Shay's mind was too disastrous for her to be left to her own devices.
When she walked out of the house and saw her car sitting there, she almost burst into tears and turned around. But she didn't know if Jacob was still around, watching her reaction, so instead she ripped the note off the windshield and climbed inside, finding the keys in the center console and sped toward Kim's without a second thought.
Only when she was in Kim's driveway and hopefully alone did she glance at the paper crumpled in her lap.
I'll stop trying to talk to you but I won't leave you alone.
Shay crumpled it back up and slammed her door, entering Kim's house after a brisk knock.
She weaved her way around Helen, who was sprawled out on the floor among stacks of magazines and teacups, to get to the stairs.
"Grandma's stuff," Helen explained, barely looking up at Shay as she sorted it into piles.
Shay just nodded without much thought, trying not to knock anything over as she headed for Kim's room.
She was blocked, however, by Kim's dad.
She had always gotten along with Kim's parents, sort of by necessity, or just, you know, basically living there most weekends. Kim's dad was the most like Kim in the family, a sort of reserved presence that mostly comes alive after years of knowing him.
He squinted at her behind dark rimmed glasses and smoothed a hand down his salt and pepper beard.
"Shay," he said, his voice warm. "We haven't seen you in a while."
"I know," she said, biting her lip. She had to ask Kim if her parents had known about their fight. "It's nice to see you, Mr. C. What are you doing?"
Her eyes drifted to the pile of tools at his feet and a large brown box almost blocking the entire wooden staircase.
"Installing a chairlift for Grandma," he said, looking a bit overwhelmed. "Hoping it doesn't drop her down said stairs."
Shay bit back a small smile as he pushed aside part of the box with an effort to let her pass.
"Good luck," she said, and he saluted her once before tearing into the cardboard with a pair of scissors.
Shay had just reached Kim's door before it flew open, revealing Kim in a loose gray shirt with wet hair, barely giving her a chance to breathe before she pulled her in the room.
"Are you mad at me again?" Kim asked, pulling her toward her bed. "Because I would understand if you were. I should have told you. I should have found a better way to tell you, so you wouldn't have been so blindsided."
Kim always talked more she was nervous, and opened her mouth to babble again when Shay cut her off.
"I think you tried to tell me as much as you could tell me," Shay sighed, plopping down on Kim's teal and white bedspread, Kim moving to scramble in the spot across from her.
"I really thought you'd figure it out," Kim nodded, narrowing her eyes at her. "How come you didn't figure it out?"
"I'm stupid?" Shay asked, flopping back so she was staring at the ceiling. She crossed her arms over her stomach. "It really was in front of my face, wasn't it?"
Kim's voice floated above her as she closed her eyes.
"Has Jake tried to talk to you?"
"He called me 11 times before I turned my phone off." Shay groaned. "But he just gave back my car. How am I going to face him in school? Oh god, our English project!"
Kim grabbed Shay's arms and tugged at them until Shay reluctantly rose to a sitting position, eyebrows raised.
Kim stared at her, biting her lip and still holding her wrists loosely.
"Just spit it out, Kim."
"It's just...you told me you had a crush on Jacob. And I've seen how much you like him. And he basically told you you're soulmates and you're not happy?" Kim asked, her voice high.
"I wanted him to like me because he liked me. Not because of some weird wolf magic."
"So you don't think Jared has a choice in loving me, either?" Kim let go of Shay's wrists and crossed her arms, the wariness replaced by anger.
"It's not the same." Shay argued, shaking her head.
"How?"
"You liked Jared forever. You practically knew this was going to happen. And it was like –the imprint finally brought him to his senses, or something. With Jacob, it feels like...it just took his choice away. Am I supposed to be happy he fought it at first and now gave in? Woohoo, he gave up on his real feelings and now settled for me?"
Kim sat silent for a moment before leaning forward slightly.
"Jared explained it to me this way," Kim licked her lips. "It's sort of like the imprint is how they can love someone so easily. But the person themselves is why they love them."
"Jared said that?" Shay asked, impressed. "He just became slightly more attractive to me."
"Stop deflecting," Kim ordered, uncrossing her arms to hit at Shay's legs.
"I know you think it's not different, but it just...feels different."
"I know whatever I say isn't going to make you feel better, Shay," Kim said, pressing a hand on her knee. "But it's not as simple as that. And I know Jacob could explain it better. And Jared can see in his head –he told me how much Jacob cares about you, he can feel it. And he also told me how miserable Jake is."
"Good," Shay grumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Even if you think he is being influenced by the imprint," Kim continued, ignoring Shay. "Being apart from each other is only going to make you feel worse. Why don't you just talk to him once, and see how it goes?"
"Who's side are you on?"
"Yours, always," Kim said, narrowing her eyes. "And if after this you never want to see him again, I'll eat lunch with you in the library until graduation."
Shay felt her chest tighten at the words and felt a surge of affection for her best friend.
"And you'll block me in class?"
"And I'll bodyguard you down the halls," Kim promised, drawing an X over her heart.
Just as Shay was about to respond, she heard a thump to her right and her eyes flew to the window. Kim shot Shay a sheepish look as she rose from the bed, crossing the room in five steps to open her white thatched window with a creak.
Shay watched as Jared gracefully tumbled through the opening, landing almost silently on his feet as he kissed Kim hello.
"You seem a little too good at that, Cameron," Shay remarked with a smirk.
Shay guessed he must've heard them talking, because he didn't seem too surprised to see Shay sitting on Kim's bed. He just grinned back at her, nodding.
"Hey Brooks."
He moved closer, opening his mouth to speak again when he suddenly froze in the middle of the room, eyes wide.
In less than a second he was in front of her, grabbing her arms and inhaling deeply as she stiffened in his sudden embrace.
"Uh...are you smelling me?"
"Where were you today, Shay?"
"Uh, home—"
"Where else? Tell me everywhere you went. Everyone you met."
"Jared, what's wrong?" Kim asked, her face as confused as Shay felt.
"It's faint but," Jared shuddered, "I smell vampire on you."
Dun dun dun. As always your reviews give me inspiration and life! Let me know your thoughts.