Nocturne - Chapter Thirty-Two: Shall I Stay or Shall I Go?
Rated - M (for suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, and coarse language)
o - o - o - o - o : Indicates scene or POV change
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
o - o - o - o - o
Rin and Kohaku led what seemed to be a catatonic Kagome into Sango's house. She did not protest or cry. She just walked placidly inside to sit. Her disbelief was apparent on her face as she processed the events of the day. Sango hurried over to her and put her hands on her head, running her hand through her hair like she would reassure a child. Inuyasha and the new woman, Shizuka, were still in the house, sitting close to the hearth in the middle of the room.
Why would he take her? Why would he do that? What should I do? Are they waiting? For me? The thoughts swirled through her mind like a whirlwind. She could not pick out anyone tidbit of information from that mental storm, so she sat quietly as her comrades conversed around her, their words unheard by her.
"Rin, Kohaku, what's happened?!"
"What's that fucking bastard done now? I knew it as soon as I saw him coasting out of here."
"She's not saying anything."
"Obviously, she's just sitting there like some rag doll!"
"Lord Sesshomaru has taken custody of Setsuna."
"What the fuck does that mean? Took custody? So, he what? Stole the brat or something?"
"It would seem so."
"She is his child as well, Kohaku. You cannot steal what is also yours."
"So? Is it a good idea to let that dick take the kid back to Kami knows where?"
"Inuyasha, are you suggesting that Lord Sesshomaru is incapable or unfit to raise his child should he choose to?"
"Well, if you want the kid to grow up to be an asshole, sure."
"I won't take offense to that because I know your dislike for Lord Sesshomaru."
"Aw, Rin, you're different."
Kagome looked up, snapping out of her despondency, "And you always know how to put your foot in your mouth, Inuyasha."
"Kagome! Are you okay?" Sango breathed, hugging her friend. Kagome smiled in her friend's arms.
"Yes, I'm okay. Sorry for making you all worry. I was just-just taken by surprise, is all. I should not have overreacted." She had taken all those who loved and cared for her for granted, consumed in her grief. For far too long had she allowed this to go on.
Sango's face turned cross. "Oh, no, Kagome. You have every right to be upset. If Miroku ever took our children, well… I think it is safe to say that once I caught him, he would be unable to create more. I would take away even his desire to try."
"Kami, Sango! I am their father!" Miroku exclaimed. He walked into the door with his four children in tow, carrying the youngest on his hip. He'd had a large sack slung over his shoulder and set it down by the entryway, looking about the room. "I see we have more guests," he stated impassively. The house was more substantial than most but not yet significant enough to host the people who currently occupied the main room. All sat around the room except for the now-grown Kohaku, who leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.
The young children all rushed about the room to varying adult targets. The older twin girls immediately began to accost Inuyasha and his new companion, which they treated like a sparkly new toy. The woman seemed unsure of what to do with the attention and shrank back. Inuyasha growled at them, which they largely ignored. "Go on, you little monsters, go bother someone else."
Sango called the girls over, "Girls, leave Inuyasha's friend alone. She does not need or want your curiosity at this time. Go, take your brothers outside to play while we talk."
"Yes, mama," they said in unison. Both girls slunk over to collect their brothers. Miroku passed off the youngest to one of the girls, and they ran outside.
"Kagome, you've returned," Miroku said in a joyful yet reserved tone. "But judging by the air of the room, I would venture to guess that something else has happened as well?"
Kagome sighed. There was so much for her to do and to think about. "It's complicated," she answered.
"If I can understand it, then it's not that complicated," Inuyasha barked.
Kagome did her best to glare at him but could not muster much anger. "You would think it's simple," she bit out.
Sango rubbed her friend's arm, "Perhaps if you talk about it, you will be able to understand it better."
Kagome stayed silent, quickly glancing at the males in the room. Rin picked up quickly on what Kagome was subtly hinting at. She gave Sango a pointed look and a quick jerk of the head to relay the message.
Sango's eyes widened with understanding, "Miroku, I think you should go check on the children."
Miroku had just settled down. "What? Why? They are fine."
Inuyasha snickered. "Yeah, Miroku, go play with your spawn."
Kagome rolled her eyes, "I think he may need your help then. Aren't you their toy of choice?"
Inuyasha had his arms crossed and gave her a sullen look. "If you want me to leave, all you have to do is ask." He stood up, pulling Shizuka up with him, and left without another word.
Kohaku got the hint and ducked out before anyone could say another word. Kagome watched and said, "Astute, that one."
Rin smiled and blushed a little. Kagome and Sango noticed but chose to say nothing. At least not now.
"Okay, they've all gone. Are you comfortable speaking now?" Sango asked. "I know you have struggled with the entirety of the situation. But first, I would like to say that I am so glad you've returned and unharmed."
Kagome thanked and hugged her friend. Once she settled, she answered. "No, I'm not comfortable, but I think talking about it aloud will help. I've just been so lost in my thoughts and shortcomings that I don't know what to do anymore."
Sango did not seem convinced. "Shortcomings? What might those be? You are one of the strongest, most selfless people I know."
Kagome felt uncomfortable with praise. "No, it's because of my selfishness that I've struggled."
"What do you mean?" Rin asked.
"I told him...that...well, I think that I love him. As crazy as that sounds!"
"Why would that sound crazy? Because he is a demon or because he is the brother of your ex-lover?" Sango asked flatly.
"Both!" Kagome admitted.
"I don't think that makes you crazy. Love makes us crazy. I mean, look at me! Settling down with a known ladies' man."
"It's different for you," Kagome muttered. Sango would never understand.
"Explain how it's different."
"You're both humans. You have a similar life expectancy. You are both equally capable, and neither of you drags the other down with your inabilities."
"Tell me. You do not think you are deserving of his love because you are mortal, and he yokai?" Rin asked. Her words hit the nail on the head.
Kagome's eyes were downcast, and she nodded, somewhat ashamed.
Rin grabbed Kagome's hand. "Lord Sesshomaru is acutely cognizant of what you have to offer, and he does not hold your differences to be limitations."
Sango agreed. "It does not make much sense for someone like him to pursue a romantic interest that he deems to be beneath him, Kagome."
"I think it's clear that Lord Sesshomaru is taken with you. He would not pursue you otherwise."
"But feelings aren't enough to create a life!" Kagome said defensively. "I cannot give him what he needs, just like I could not give Inuyasha what he needed. Now Inuyasha's found someone else, and I suspect that Sesshomaru will as well."
"Why is everyone else allowed to be happy but you?" Sango asked. "You are acting like a martyr, and it is not very endearing."
Kagome cut her good friend an affronted look, "What?! I've never said that!"
"Honestly, Kagome. You need to stop this. If you even think you love him, go to him. Otherwise, you will become an embittered old woman who is soured to the world."
"I am sorry, Kagome, but I agree with Sango in that you must go to him. Allow yourself to live happily, even if for but a moment. You will be filled with regret and despair if you do not."
Much to Kagome's chagrin, her friends were right. She had allowed herself to grow stagnant and sullen in these past few months. It was now time to quit punishing herself and embrace her happiness, whatever may come.
o - o - o - o - o
Jaken had finally located the small child, thank Kami. He did not recall how he'd managed to wrestle the child out of the room, especially given that she was nearly the same size as him. She was also quite stronger than she looked, which was delicate and almost helpless.
He'd fed her and found some clothing that was more suited to a child of her lineage. Jaken hoped that is what his lord meant when he demanded the child be changed. He would feign ignorance otherwise and take whatever punishment was doled out to him for his error.
Lord Sesshomaru returned after nearly an hour and found them both in the great room of the house. The child played quietly with some random household items she had found while Jaken watched her with hawk eyes. It was only due to a miracle that the youngling had not ingested or harmed herself with all manner of items, and Jaken was exhausted within that hour battling such things away from her tiny, vicelike grasp.
Once Jaken noticed his lord's arrival, he jumped up to attention. "My Lord!"
Sesshomaru strode to the child and looked down at her. She looked back up at him and held chubby arms out with grasping hands. The child did not make any of the harsh growling noises she seemed to only reserve for Jaken. Even in an hour, the tiny thing had dedicated herself to establishing dominance.
Sesshomaru picked Setsuna up and began to leave the room.
"Sire, if I may implore upon you!" Jaken hurried to his master's side.
Sesshomaru stopped and turned to look at the small attendant, "What is it?"
"I know it is not my place to complain, but I do not believe it is in Lady Setsuna's best interest to be tended by an inexperienced imp," he said deprecatingly. He'd hoped that by admitting to his faults that his master would be more open to suggestion. "May I propose a governess?"
"Hnn" was his response. "That will not be necessary," Sesshomaru announced with finality, not even taking the opportunity to mull the idea over.
"But, my lord, I know nothing of childrearing. Would a woman not be more suited to such things?" Jaken asked demurely.
"Only one woman," Sesshomaru responded somewhat cryptically. He was done with the matter and continued out, leaving Jaken in peril.
What ever could he mean, only one woman? Hopefully, not that crazy one they had just rid themselves of. He pondered for a moment, lost in his thoughts, and noticed that Lord Sesshomaru was gone without him. Indeed, his lord would need his assistance with unforeseen matters. After all, Jaken had gone through all the trouble assigned to him before his lord's return. He hurried along after his master, "Wait for me, Lord Sesshomaru!"
Jaken rushed out of the room and collided with a body. He spilled onto the ground, still tightly clutching his staff.
"My, my, my, where are you off to in such a hurry, little yokai?" a silky woman's voice purred out at him. She reached, grabbing the staff below the heads, and lifted, which pulled Jaken up along with it.
Jaken recognized her almost instantly, "Most honorable mother! To what do we owe such an unexpected visit?" He paused, eyeing her suspiciously, "How-how, did you find us?"
The demoness smiled and released the staff, causing Jaken to tumble ungraciously back to the ground. "Does a loving mother need a reason to visit her precious, only child?"
Jaken looked at the woman flatly, "Well, one may be led to wonder when you have never once graced his lord with your presence in the centuries I have attended him."
The demoness largely ignored Jaken's words, choosing to take this opportunity to analyze her gracefully clawed fingers. "Fetch my son to me, imp."
Jaken bristled with irritation to be addressed so by this haughty woman. She was only a tad better than the conniving ex-fiancee of his lord. "Expediently, my lady."
"Mother," Sesshomaru's voice carried through the room. "I thought I sensed the air grow thick with tension."
She laughed, "Oh, you always were such a naughty child, my son." She peered into Sesshomaru's arms, focusing her eyes with an air of confusion. "What is that you hold? A snack?" she asked, bringing a hand up to her mouth. "My journey was quite long."
"No, your granddaughter," he replied dryly and unamused by her cruel jest.
"You?! A child?! A mixed-breed child at that?! What is this world coming to!" she laughed.
Sesshomaru would not fall into his mother's jilting words. "Why have you come here?" he asked.
"You have never been any fun: all work and no play. Well, I suppose that is not true anymore," she said, gesturing to the child.
The baby stared at the demoness with the same reserved gaze as her father. This seemed to be an inherited trait and one that Sesshomaru had picked up from his mother.
"I am loathed to repeat myself, even to you," Sesshomaru said.
"Fine. My most endeared son, I have come with news. Usually, I would never concern myself in your affairs, but since you've decided to insult the greatest yokai clan and bring upon all of your kin their wrath, my hand has been forced," she said with a casual wave.
Jaken sputtered, "Whatever do you mean, honorable lady? Surely you are mistaken!"
The demoness cut a quick look in Jaken's direction. "I am never mistaken, little yokai," she said quietly.
Jaken crossed his arms and huffed, "It's Jaken as I've told you countless times."
She rolled her eyes and circled her son. "I see now why you have gotten yourself into this mess. Dallying with human women, I see."
Sesshomaru waited for his mother to come back around in front of him, but the child's head swiveled, watching the stalking demoness with curiosity. "That is no concern of yours."
"Where is your other human girl?" She gasped, "No! Don't tell me...this child?"
Sesshomaru's upper lip curled into a slight snarl. "Do not be absurd. You've quartered yourself off for much too long."
"Hohoho, you are all too easy to rile up. I meant it only in jest. Where is your human child then?" she inquired.
"Say your piece and begone. I tire of your games."
"Pish tosh. I have no desire to be away just yet. Not when I have yet to meet this tiny thing you claim to be a grandchild of mine. Though for you to suggest I am old enough to be a child's grand, anything is quite presumptuous of you."
Sesshomaru's mother stepped closer to inspect the tiny child. She reached out a hand only for Sesshomaru to take a step away, keeping his child out of reach.
"My son, you wound me to imply I would do physical harm to your daughter. It is my aim as a mother to see her son always happy, and if this tiny mixed breed pup is what accomplishes that, then I would not dream of taking that from you." She reached out again and took the child from Sesshomaru's arms.
His mother held the child out as if she'd never held an infant before. She cocked her head to the side while appraising her. "How peculiar, this creature."
"Lady Setsuna is her name," Jaken provided. He was offended at Sesshomaru's mother's behavior, on his lord's behalf, of course. Jaken still had his doubts about the small child.
"Setsuna," the demoness said slowly, trying out the name for size. "Hnn, I had always wanted a daughter but was left with you, Sesshomaru."
"How unfortunate that you were given a son instead."
The demoness chuckled. "I made do with what I had." She pulled the girl a little closer to examine her features more closely. "Why would you ever pick such a dreadful name as Setsuna? So bland and unassuming. Not like you. No, your name was quite fitting."
Sesshomaru pulled Setsuna from his mother's arms, to which she crossed immediately, and began to pout at having her grandchild taken from her so harshly.
"You lay any opinion forfeit ages ago," Sesshomaru said. "You have said your piece, telling me that which I already knew. You may now take your leave."
She looked around and shrugged, "I raised you to be many things but never rude! To turn out your own mother so quickly, for shame, my son."
"Hnn. You may stay if that is what you desire, but lay a harmful hand upon my child, and I shall remove it, mother or no."
"Tut tut, child. No need for such violence. I would never harm my beloved granddaughter."
Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at his mother, disbelief coloring his every feature. "Jaken," he called aloud.
Jaken jumped, "Yes, sire."
"Find some space for my mother. Make certain that her rooms are far from my own."
"Of course, my lord."
He stalked from the room, leaving Jaken alone with the demoness. "Get to it, little yokai. I am quite tired from my journey."
"Jaken!" he reminded her.
"Of course you are, small one."
Jaken grumbled beneath his breath and led the demoness to one of the many rooms the estate had to offer. He wondered at her insistence on staying. She likely was concerned for her safety and came to her son for protection. Jaken doubted the woman would ever admit to such a thing, though. He hurried along to get her settled and be away from the proud woman. Jaken was glad that his lord. Sesshomaru was becoming much more like his fabled honorable father.
A/N: Grandma has come to visit? How unusual.
That will likely provide some fun, tense moments when Kagome makes her way there. Kagome and Sesshomaru are certainly due for some time together. I think they've spent enough time apart. I'm hoping to see that play out next chapter.