Heero lets himself get pulled along with the crowd of eager circus-goers. He's never actually seen Trowa perform, though he had watched bits and pieces of his practices over the course of his recovery. The performances had been strictly off limits in case anyone from OZ or the Alliance happened to notice a wayward Gundam pilot wandering around the circus grounds or sitting in the Big Top when he was supposed to be dead. Heero hadn't minded at the time. There were too many variables and he didn't like the idea of sitting exposed in one area for hours when he wasn't at 100% functionality.
Now, though, he's curious.
He takes a seat midway up the stands and even purchases an oversized bag of cotton candy. It's sticky and sweet and he eats half the bag and still isn't sure if he likes it. The Big Top fills up with people, families with small children, boisterous teenagers, and giggling couples. Heero people-watches curiously, taking in their carefree smiles and their relaxed postures. He forces his own shoulders to relax, slumping slightly in his seat while still remaining alert.
A mother and three children take a seat next to Heero and he watches them out of the corner of his eye. The mother fusses with two of the children, twin boys by the looks of them, trying to wrangle them into their seats. The youngest child takes the seat between him and her mother, idly swinging her feet back and forth above the ground. She catches his eye and gives him a wide smile, showing off her missing tooth.
"My name's Libby," she announces brightly. "What's yours?"
"Libby," the mother says, "don't talk to strangers. Hugo, Henry, if you don't sit down now-"
"Heero," he answers.
The little girl beams up at him. "My brothers are nuis-an-ces," she says, sounding the word out carefully, but proudly. "Gramma says Mama's had her hands full since Daddy died in the war. Are you going to finish your cotton candy?"
"Libby! I'm sorry," the mother apologizes, looking over her daughter's head at Heero. "Leave the boy alone."
"He's not a stranger, Mama! He told me his name."
Heero watches, bemused, as the mother quietly scolds Libby on bothering others. The boys make a break for it when they see the popcorn vendors and their mother has to scramble to catch them. Libby pouts quietly and returns to swinging her feet in the air.
The lights flash twice, then go out. There are cheers and screams, and then a spotlight comes on, illuminating Red in the center of the tent. He tips his top hat to everyone and bows. Heero has only met Red twice, briefly. The first when he'd seen Trowa helping him walk around the encampment and the second when he and Trowa were leaving with Heavyarms. The man had seemed quiet, reserved, but standing in the middle of the tent with the spotlights on and glitter decorating his silk top hat, it's obvious that he is a performer.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!" His voice carries across the crowded tent, loud and commanding. Heero wonders if he was military in a past life. "Welcome…to the show!"
Heero opens the bag of cotton candy once more, sets it discreetly between himself and the little girl. He sees Libby's wide grin out of the corner of her eye as she reaches for a handful of spun sugar.
. . ... . .
The spectators are chattering loudly as they make their way out of the tent after the show. The mother has Libby slung over one shoulder and is holding tight to each of her boys. Heero follows the crowd out and into the chill nighttime air. Night mode has been activated, with the lights dimmed around the colony to give the illusion of darkness. The crowd heads toward the gate and the midway, disappearing along the lantern-lit path the circus had constructed earlier. Heero breaks from the crowd, wandering toward the menagerie along the backstage area.
He remembers that Trowa used to return to the trailer late after his last show. He isn't sure how much of that was work-related and how much was socializing, but he figures there will be a delay before Trowa is done for the night. He bypasses the lions, ignoring the way they watch him with golden eyes from their cages. Instead, he makes his way over to the makeshift paddock where four white horses are kept.
Idly, he leans against the metal bars of the pen and watches them graze. Someone had already removed their tack and rubbed them down after the show, they're gleaming and bright in the artificial light. One of the mares looks over and approaches curiously, nosing at his pockets through the bars. "I don't have anything," he tells her, rubbing her neck apologetically.
"Nadia and Auguste will throw a fit if they see you with the horses."
Heero tilts his head to see Trowa leaning against one of the crates of animal feed. He's changed out of the clown costume, but there's still a trace of glitter in his hair. The security light catches on the glitter, momentarily distracting Heero. The mare snorts and rubs her head hard against Heero's shoulder.
"I'm not doing anything to them," Heero replies.
Trowa shrugs. "Nadia gets testy anytime someone messes with the horses. She and Auguste handle all their upkeep." He tosses Heero an apple. Heero raises an eyebrow and catches the edge of Trowa's smile half-hidden by the shadows.
The mare's ears prick forward at the anticipated treat. "You wouldn't happen to have one of Catherine's knives on you, would you?"
"What happened to your pocket knife?"
"Left it in the trailer in case there was a search before entering the tent." Heero shrugs and takes a bite of the apple, dropping the chunk into his palm and offering it to the mare.
"Elegant," Trowa snorts.
Heero ignores him, biting off another piece of apple as the other three horses seem to realize there are treats being handed out. One of them nips at the mare's hindquarters, sending her skittering away. "Stop it," Heero orders. He ignores the pushy one, feeding a younger, more skittish-looking one first. The pushy one follows Heero along the fence, nickering softly as Heero distributes apple pieces. Finally, he offers a piece of apple to the pushy one, murmuring quietly while petting it. "What?" he asks, catching Trowa still watching.
"You came to the show?"
Heero shrugs, tossing the apple core into a trash bin and joining Trowa near the animal feed crates. "Figured I might as well." He pauses, studying Trowa carefully. "That was the first time I saw you perform."
Trowa nods, sliding his hands into his pockets. "You weren't really in a position to do so during the war." He tilts his head to the side, toward the other cages, and Heero gives a curt nod. Trowa pushes off from the crate and they wander toward the lion pens. "You weren't at the trailer this afternoon."
Heero watches as Trowa checks the lions' food and water troughs. "No," he agrees finally. "Was I supposed to be?"
Trowa glances at him before he heads around the side to open one of the cage doors to the run the lions are pacing in. "No," he says. "I told you-"
"Circuses are good for people who can't stand still," Heero interrupts. "I remember." He watches as Trowa closes the cage door behind one of the lions before moving to the next cage and repeating the process. "What happened this morning?" Trowa twists to shoot him a confused look over his shoulder. "You were doing yoga before dawn." He crosses his arms over his chest, watching as Trowa looks away, head tilted so his hair shadows his expression. Heero's frown deepens.
"I couldn't sleep." Trowa closes the cage door, reaches in to scratch the lion behind the ears and then drapes a tarp over three sides of the cage. He moves back to the first cage, scratches the lion's thick mane.
"Why not?"
"Why can't you?"
Trowa focuses on Leo, running his fingers through his mane and carefully picking a part any tangles he encounters. Leo purrs loudly, tail flicking back and forth. Trowa glances over at where Heero was standing near the elephant enclosure, but it's deserted now. Nina snuffles in her enclosure, the tip of her trunk feeling for the hay in her net. Trowa sighs, draping the tarp over the lion cage to block out the light and cold.
. . ... . .
He runs into Sacha, Ant, and Ariel on his way back to the trailer. They've changed out of their spandex costumes and into everyday wear, though Ariel's shirt still sparkles from the rhinestones bedazzling it. "Trowa!" Ariel calls, pulling ahead of the other two acrobats. Ant and Sacha share a look before following the pint-sized girl. "I saw your friend, what's-his-name!"
"Heero," Trowa replies after a moment.
"Was that his name?" Ariel asks, head tilted and eyebrows pulled together as she tries to remember. She shrugs after a moment and grins at him. "He was headed to your trailer; I didn't know he was visiting again!"
"Friend?" Sacha asks. Trowa glances at him, but Sacha is wearing a politely curious look. Trowa has a rising suspicion that the acrobat would clean house at any poker game he played.
"That's right, you joined last year. Trowa had a friend visit during the war, he was injured in one of the attacks, right?" She pauses to allow Trowa to nod. "I'm still not sure a circus was the best place for him to recover properly, ya know?"
"Ariel," Ant interjects.
"We are trying our luck in finding a good pub," Sacha states. "You should join us, with your sister and friend." He looks at the other two acrobats and Ariel nods enthusiastically.
"Yes, it'll be fun! Kita heard about one just a few blocks away that's supposed to be cheap!" She bounces on her toes. One of the security lights catches on the rhinestones decorating her shirt and Trowa has to look away to avoid being blinded.
"I think I'll pass," Trowa says after a moment, when it's clear they are actually waiting for a response. "I'm on morning feeding," he adds. He shifts his gaze to Sacha. "Catherine's a night owl, you should check with her."
"Next time, then," Ant states. "Come on, you two, let's see if Cathy's in an imbibing mood."
Trowa waits, watching as they head toward Cathy's trailer before he takes the roundabout way to his own. He doesn't need Cathy to goad him into joining them. The blinds are pulled over the windows of his trailer, but he can see a light on in the kitchen and movement behind the blinds. He supposes that it's progress that Heero didn't immediately cut his losses and disappear completely.
. . ... . .
Trowa sits on the steps up to the trailer, enjoying the cool night air. He can smell smoke and see a hint of flames from further down the row. Judging by the music and loud noises, he'd guess it was coming from the midway encampment. The night after opening was always noisier than usual with workers celebrating a show well done, or lamenting whatever catastrophe happened. He hears the trailer door open and close behind him, but doesn't turn.
"Here," Heero says softly. A thermos of hot tea appears hovering in his peripheral vision. He reaches up and takes it and Heero sits down next to him. It's a snug fit on the stairs, and Trowa finds he's pressed alongside Heero from shoulder to hip, hip to knee.
"Thanks," Trowa says, taking a sip. Heero has his own thermos in hand, though judging by the smell it's coffee. "You're going to be up all night with that much caffeine."
"It'll be fine," Heero replies.
Trowa hums and takes another sip of tea. It's not as cold as it was in Brussels, but the warmth of the thermos feels nice in his bare hands. He rests his elbows on his knees; thermos clutched securely in front of him, and lets his head bend. He can see Heero sitting next to him, watching the performers and midway workers pass by sporadically.
"One of Dr. J's contacts from before the war still lives in the area," Heero states abruptly. "I wanted to see if they knew anything about the surveillance you noticed at the Hub."
"At Bar de Nomtik?"
"Mm." Heero sips at the thermos and studies a group of clowns shoving each other as they head toward a can fire down the row. "He didn't know much. Apparently Preventers is setting up stings all over the Hub though, trying to clean it up after the Alliance let it slide into less-than-legal ventures."
"Did he know if the Barton Foundation was still recruiting?"
"Nah, the Foundation's scrambling to recover after Dekim's untimely death." He scuffs his sneaker on one of the metal stairs. "Krusiec was the best bet for continuing on the original mission…until he went rogue."
Trowa nods and sips at his tea. He's tired from the lack of sleep the previous night, preparing for the show, the performance… "Should we look into it?"
Heero drums his fingers absently on his leg, frowning slightly as he considers the question. "I'll monitor Preventers' recon on it and see if we need to look in farther."
"Une will catch you one of these days."
"I'm sure she will."
Trowa shakes his head at Heero's words. "Quatre's supposed to be in touch later this week. I'll ask him if he's noticed anything around L4. I'm sure he has some contacts there." He catches the way Heero's shoulders tighten, the clench of his jaw and the way his fingers pause briefly in their mindless drumming. "What are you thinking?"
Heero shrugs, doesn't look at Trowa, and they lapse into silence once more. Nina trumpets from the menagerie, the sound momentarily overtaking the laughter in the backstage area and the screams and chatter from the midway. Trowa stretches his legs out and listens for any other noises from the direction of the menagerie. They'd had incidents in the past of spectators trying to break in and see the animals. No alarm is rung though, so he relaxes back on the step.
"You had another nightmare," Heero comments abruptly. "That's why you were up doing yoga." Trowa glances at him sharply, but Heero's still staring out at the empty road. He watches as Heero takes a drink from the thermos. "These aren't like the ones in Europe."
Trowa shrugs. "No," he agrees finally. "They aren't."
Heero nods and his shoulder presses more firmly into Trowa's. "The amnesia?" he asks. His voice is quieter, there's a note to it that Trowa can't decipher. He sips at his tea and relishes the warmth.
"Partly," he agrees finally. He lets himself lean into Heero carefully, staring out at the empty road. "I think the cold increases the effect." He can feel Heero's eyes on him, but the other pilot is silent. "The one thing I remembered, after the accident, was being so cold." His grip tightens on the thermos involuntarily and he feels Heero tense next to him, but Heero still remains silent. "There were all these jumbled images in my head when I went to sleep, nothing made sense, but they were better than the nothingness when I was awake. And this dread of being that cold again."
"You didn't say anything about them."
Trowa snorts. It's loud compared to the quiet bubble they'd fallen into. He shakes his head and looks over at Heero, meeting his eyes. "Cathy wanted to protect me, would hardly let me out of her sight. I didn't even know I had my own trailer until Ariel mentioned it one day during practice. Duo thought I was broken when he first found me here. Quatre wanted me to fight… If you had been the one to find me…" he trails off.
"What would I have done?" Heero guesses. "I'd have let you choose," he says, voice firm.
"Relena said you asked Pagan to look for me." Heero looks away and Trowa can see a sudden hardness to his jaw. "I'm surprised."
"That I went to Relena?"
Trowa shakes his head. "No, not really. That you asked for help."
Heero's attention shifts to the thermos in his hands. "I was fighting in a rebel group on Earth. Quatre wanted to go to Sanc and speak with Relena and we were going to split up…but Noin found us first. She promised us the resources to find you, so I went."
Trowa remains quiet, watching Heero sort through his words.
"Relena put Pagan to work on finding you. I'm not sure how Duo found you, I heard it was by chance." He shakes his head and takes a sip of coffee before setting the empty thermos on the step next to his feet. "They didn't tell me and I left. Found out from Sally when she was retrieving your suit to bring back to Peacemillion."
Trowa sips his tea slowly, mulling Heero's words over. He thinks back over the end of the war, the last year and roundabout debates on sending the Gundams to the sun, the time in Brussels. Heero and Quatre's uneasy glances and stilted conversations, nothing charged or angry but a tense undercurrent to the conversations. Heero's left hand is curled into a fist on his thigh and Trowa reaches over, calmly covering it with his own, carefully threads his fingers between Heero's. He feels Heero turn to look at him.
"I took Zero from Peacemillion in order to save Catherine," Trowa states. Heero is still watching him, but Trowa keeps his eyes on their joined hands. "She was in danger and Zero was faster and stronger than the mobile suit I'd been using. That was my only thought. I didn't think it would give me back most of my memories."
"Most?"
Trowa shrugs. "Some things aren't worth remembering, I guess. Cathy was the second person I remembered." He lifts his head, meeting Heero's curious eyes. "You and your speech about dying and emotions…that's the first thing I remembered."
"Clearly you listened well," Heero comments, a wry twist to his mouth.
"Says the guy who just crashed his Gundam into a bunker."
"Are you ever going to let that go?"
Before Trowa can respond, Heero leans in, ignoring the awkward angle, and kisses him hard on the mouth. Trowa shifts, adjusting the angle and trying to find a comfortable spot. He curls his hand around Heero's jaw, tilting his head back to kiss him deeper. There's a faint sugar-sweet taste to Heero's mouth and he chases the sweetness, trying to identify the taste. Heero's hand is on Trowa's mid-thigh, grip hard enough that Trowa knows he'll have a bruise there.
Trowa breaks away, breathing hard, and rests his forehead against Heero's. After a moment Heero shifts back. He gets to his feet and offers Trowa a hand up. Trowa lets Heero haul him to his feet, keeping hold of Heero's hand, and follows Heero inside the trailer. He presses Heero back into the door as soon as it is closed behind them, thermoses forgotten on the steps outside, and Heero's grip tight on his shoulders. Heero studies him quietly, head slightly tilted to one side so that he's able to see through the gaps in his messy hair. Trowa lifts an eyebrow curiously.
"Do you always wear the glitter?" Heero asks. He reaches up with his right hand to run his fingers through Trowa's hair.
"It's better than the sequins Cathy had me wearing at first." Heero smirks and Trowa feels his eyes narrow. "No."
Heero nods, leans in to kiss Trowa instead. Trowa lets himself be distracted, pressing closer to Heero. He licks his lips as they separate once more. "Cotton candy?"
"Wanted the full experience," Heero replies, shrugging. His thumb traces absent-minded patterns on Trowa's throat and Trowa suppresses the urge to shiver at the sensation. He leans his head back against the door, flashes Trowa a quicksilver smile. "You were good. You looked…comfortable."
"It's not a bad way to pass the time," Trowa agrees.
"No, it's not," Heero agrees.
"If you stay you'll have to earn your keep. You aren't recovering anymore."
"Pretty sure I'm still injured," Heero replies. Even if Trowa wasn't face-to-face with him, he knows he'd recognize the smirk in Heero's voice. He rolls his eyes and pinches Heero lightly on the side.
"Sometimes I wonder why I bothered saving you in the first place."
Heero's laugh is quiet, half muffled against Trowa's neck where he'd leaned in to scrape his teeth along the sensitive skin above the turtleneck. "I could go…?"
"No." He steps back out of Heero's grasp so that he can see him clearly. Heero's frowning at him, confusion and a hint of uncertainty evident in his eyes. Trowa holds his gaze even as he relaxes his grip on Heero's shoulders, allowing him to step away easily if he chooses. "Stay."
Heero nods, posture relaxing against the door once more. "Okay."