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Chapter 32 - The Doctor's Message

It was very late at night. The lights of New York shown through the windows of the bedroom.

The Doctor slipped out of bed, kissing Rose's forehead lightly. He put on his dressing gown, and walked out on the balcony. He picked up the champagne bottle that had been left in the ice hours earlier. He poured his glass full again, and sat down. He held the small message device he had showed Rose in his hand. He sipped champagne as he held it up, considering it.

Rose woke and found she was by herself. She quietly slipped out of bed, and put on her cotton robe. She walked quietly into the sitting room and saw the door to the balcony had been left open. She was almost to the door when she heard the Doctor speaking a strange language on the balcony.

She stopped and listened. She could see her Doctor through the windows, and hear him clearly.

He spoke in a language that sounded a lot like how he spoke whenever he got upset, or very excited. He sounded like he sung in several parts of his speech to the bullet looking device.

Then she listened as she began to understand his words.

"Hello there, my precious child. I know I swore that I would never use one of these things, but I worry the time has now come to do so. Know that there are two of me as a result of a meta crisis that occurred when my regeneration energy was mixed with, well...we'll get into that in a bit."

"I am the duplicate, and I'm currently in a different dimension than the man you know back in the Prime Dimension were we originated. This is not a cry for help. It is impossible for you to come rescue me, but I wouldn't want you to even if you could. I'm very happy here and let's face it. One Doctor is quiet enough for one Dimension."

"I would have you guess what planet I'm on, but the language I'm speaking probably gives it away. A few years ago, the translation circuits stopped working in the TARDIS. I had to actually start speaking English instead of having the TARDIS do it for me in the minds of these people. I'm still getting used to it. It has become my primary language. And I can hear you laughing about that now."

He laughed a bit under his breath.

"I have recently discovered that talking about certain things, or as the humans here call it, 'getting things off of your chest,' has medical benefits to me. I'm so very old now and feel as though I'm wearing thin. I don't know how much more time I have left, so there are some things I need to say to you. I really hope this message finds you one day."

"I wanted to tell you first, that I love you. I think of you every day of my lives. Never forget that, sweetheart."

"I also wanted to tell you that I'm so very sorry for running away when I know now that you probably needed me the most. I don't want to go into it in case this finds you before it has happened. You know why I couldn't take the pain, but it was still no excuse. I realize now that you probably needed me. I'm so very sorry. It is my biggest heartache and I will die filled with remorse of my actions. My largest ambition would be that you would one day find a way to forgive me."

"The Universe has been so very cruel to you and me. It had turned me into a very bitter old man. But, my dear, it was you that helped me see that wasn't how to live. You helped me find hope in my new life, and honestly taught me more in our time together, than I ever taught you. "

He chuckled and continued. "That probably sounds strange coming from your grandfather, but sweetheart it is true. You taught me that I shouldn't hide from the world. That if I did, the enemy became myself as I had build myself my own, unique prison. "

"I'm back on Earth! Living out my last days! Instead of being so scared of these people, I have learned to befriend them. My best friend in the entire Universe is a human. And if that shocks you, wait until your hear what happened today."

Rose smiled as she continued to eavesdrop.

"Your grandfather, who is now half human because of this meta crisis, is now engaged to a beautiful human creature. Oh, how I wish I could see your face. I'm sure you just screamed and covered your mouth like you always did."

"I'm happier than I've ever been, in all of my lives. I feel more loved than I have ever felt. And I finally am starting to feel like I might belong someplace again. That only took a few thousand years, right? " he chuckled. "Ah, you know I don't really have a clue about that no more than you do. But, it makes me think that maybe, this could finally be home."

"The lady that I will marry has a family who have welcomed me as one of their own. I'm even employed with my future father in law. We are making devices that will help these humans with their health. A Doctor, to the end. I'm trying to live up to that promise I made so long ago, but you know that sometimes it is so very hard to do.

I didn't mention it, but I no longer have a TARDIS anymore. I am currently attempting to grow one. You know how long that takes, so I'm not sure I'll ever get to even take her anywhere. I will try to teach my, quite frankly, brilliant wife how to do it. If she can ever find her way back to the Prime Dimension, hopefully she will come to meet you. I hope if she does, that you will find that you love her as much as I do. She is the most precious thing to my soul and has helped me through this meta crisis so much. Most days, I feel like I'm near to losing my mind, and she brings me back. She's simply amazing."

Rose wiped tears from her eyes.

"I'm sitting here, right now, on the balcony of a penthouse, high-rise hotel here in Manhattan looking at the Empire State Building! It's the early 21st century, one of my favorites in Earth's history! And I'm drinking a tall glass of champagne to celebrate my new beginnings to what will be my very short life."

"If you happen to see the other me, tell him I said that he deserves a good punch in the nose. And if he disagrees with you about that. I want you to hit him for me."

He laughed under his breath. "Somethings never change. I have always hated myself. I've often wondered if it normal to hate yourself as much as I do."

"I'm sure there are other things I will remember later that I will wish that I had included in this message to you. But, those are the main things I suppose."

"Don't cry about this my dear. Don't be anxious about this. I have no regrets. You will always remain my precious child. So very dear to my heart. I love you, Susan."

He then began to speak the strange language again. Rose saw him throw the device as hard as he could into the night sky. It lit up in a flash of light, and disappeared. The Doctor sat back down and started to drink his champagne again.

Rose, embarrassed she had eavesdropped on something she was certain the Doctor would have never wanted her to see, slipped back to bed.

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