A/N: You still with me, wonderful readers? I think (hope!) you'll like this one.

Mandatory soundtrack:

Tracy Chapman - Stand By Me

King Princess - 1950

José Gonzalez - Heartbeats

Ok. Deep breaths.

"I need to talk about Liv." Amanda said as she slumped down in the chair across from Dr. Hanover.

"Ok?"

"I'm worried."

"About?"

"She didn't want to talk about work for almost six weeks and suddenly she just decided to go back? And then she asked if I wanted to move in with her."

"And you're worried she's making major decisions to... not deal with or distract herself from what she's going through?"

"Kinda, yeah. Look, I'm obviously happy to have her back in the squad room, SVU doesn't feel right without her, and god knows I want to live with her, I mean, we've been basically doing it for weeks now and it does feel like the next natural step. But..."

"But?"

"I feel like... I can't reach her. No, scratch that. It's not that either. It's more like... like she's a little robotic, maybe? I talked to her about that thing I mentioned a couple of weeks ago."

"About sex?"

"Mhm, and she was just like "I get it." Not in an angry or defensive way or anything. And then, the spontaneous sex stopped. Well, not completely, but we're back to normal now, more or less."

She felt like she was blabbering at this point, but her mind was filled with questions and confusing thoughts.

"Even when she cries, it's like... it's not like she used to cry."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like she's not... there. With me. But at least she's crying, I guess that's good."

Amanda had done her own fair share of crying after what happened with Richard Wheatley. And as much as she had initially loathed the thought of going back to therapy, she didn't know if she could've gone through these last weeks without it. Well, that and Olivia, and the kids.

She had to admit there was something freeing about having a safe space where she didn't have to take the other person's emotions and reactions into consideration before she opened her mouth to speak.

Before Olivia she didn't think she needed or deserved that kind of time to herself, but paradoxically being in a relationship had made her realize that sometimes you needed to take a step out of the bubble, even if it was just to catch your breath for a few minutes.

"Do you feel like you're responsible for her health, and happiness?"

"Isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be about?"

"She's not your child. You're supposed to be equals."

"Yeah, but sometimes you give and sometimes you take, you know."

"That's true. But you've both been through traumatic experiences this year and I just don't want to see you push yourself too hard."

"I don't feel like I am. Honestly. For once I dealt with something when it happened, instead of ignoring it until it became a problem. I just... I want her to be ok."

"I know you do. She's very lucky to have you. And maybe, you just have to trust her to come to you this time."

She wanted to, she really did. And she almost felt bad for worrying so much, when seemingly Olivia was doing everything right. If there really was a right way to deal with something like she had been through.

After everything 2021 had thrown in their faces, she was just so desperate for both of them to be happy, together.

And coincidentally, when she checked her phone after her session, happy was exactly what she felt.

"Do you want to go on a date with me tonight, Amanda Rollins?"

She grinned as she read the cheesy text.

"I thought you'd never ask."

And when Olivia said date, she wasn't kidding. Instead of their usual place, she brought Amanda to a recently opened Japanese restaurant that served dumplings so good they made the blonde make what Olivia called her 'cute food moans'.

"So, I've been thinking." The brunette said as she sat back on her chair.

"Uh-oh."

"About the move."

"Are you taking it back because all of your clothes are covered in dog hair? Cause I can tell Frannie to work on that."

Olivia chuckled. "No, I can live with the fur."

"I've been thinking that we might wait to look for something new until after New Years? Christmas is only a few weeks away and I don't want any added stress for either of us."

"Sounds good to me."

She wasn't sure, but it looked like Olivia breathed a short sigh of relief.

"And speaking of New Years, when I talked to Barba he asked if we wanted to get together, he'll be in New York."

"As long as he's prepared for three hyped up kids and a dog in distress because of the fireworks."

"I think he'll be fine. I was actually thinking we could invite the squad over, and hope we don't get a repeat of last New Years when all of us ended up working at midnight." She gave a small roll of the eyes as she reminded both of them of their stressful entrance into 2021.

The postponement of the move to avoid stress. Wanting to invite the entire squad over for New Years. A real date outside of the apartment.

Maybe she really had been wrong to worry as much as she had. Maybe they were finally moving towards that happiness that neither of them had been allowed or able to believe in for so many years.

"It's funny." Amanda said before emptying her glass. "We were so excited about saying goodbye to 2020, and then this year came and made 2020 feel like a goddamn spa treatment."

"It's been brutal, I know. But, at least 2021 gave us one amazing, beautiful thing that I wouldn't change for the world." Olivia grabbed Amanda's hand and smiled at her with glossy eyes.

"The Bernie Sanders memes?" The blonde said with a slightly wistful smile on her face.

"Yes, exactly."

The brunette hadn't slept for a second and wondered why she had even bothered setting the alarm on her phone the way her heart was racing.

She took a few deep breaths before she turned on her side and moved closer to the woman next to her.

"Amanda." Olivia whispered in the dark. "Amanda." She repeated the name and wrapped her arm around the blonde's waist when she didn't get a response.

"Hm?"

"Wake up."

"Why? Is something- oh."

Nothing was wrong. Everything was most definitely right.

Warm and soft lips were suddenly closed around one of two hardening nipples, doing some kind of magic to her tired body.

"Merry Christmas." Olivia mumbled around the pink and prickled skin.

"Merry- sweet Jesus." The combination of tongue and teeth momentarily turned her brain into mush. "What times is it?" The detective mumbled while squirming just a little.

"Too early." Olivia said as she started to move her way down Amanda's body, placing soft kisses along the way. "But we won't be able to do this after, so I had to wake you up."

"After what?" Amanda gasped and arched her back a little. It was nothing less than unbelievable how quickly Olivia could get her body eager and ready.

"You'll see."

Normally, she would've been too curious to let it go, but Olivia was tugging at her white thong so obviously there were more important and imminent things to take care of right now.

"Oh, shit..." She knew she wasn't going to last long.

"Pillow. You're gonna need it."

"Someone's feeling pretty confi- fuck!"

Amanda hastily fumbled around for a pillow and immediately bit down on it.

She wasn't quite sure what Olivia was doing with her tongue, and dear lord, now her fingers, but it sent waves of delicious shivers from the small of her back to the top of her neck.

Her muscles were just starting to contract all over when Olivia stopped what she was doing.

"Wh-" Amanda was still grinding her hips when she lifted the pillow and glared down at the woman between her legs. "I was so close."

"Patience."

"But-"

"Relax your muscles."

"Liv-"

"Just do it."

She let out a puff from frustration, but did as she was told. "So bossy." With a couple of deep breaths she succeeded, mostly, at getting her body to relax into the sheets.

And then Olivia started doing that thing again and the pillow was back.

After two minutes she was writhing against the mattress, practically riding Olivia's face in the process.

Her cries and whimpers were muffled by the pillow but not enough for Olivia to miss that she was getting close again.

So, the captain stopped again.

"No!" Amanda panted.

"What? Did you need something?" Olivia said with a wicked smile on her face, peering up from her position.

"Liv, you're killing me here."

"What do you need, babe?"

"A new freakin' dishwasher. What do you think I need?"

"Say it."

"Let me come. Please."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

And less than a minute later, Amanda let out a string of curses mixed in with some warped religious expressions that made Olivia grin between her legs.

When she started to come down from her mind blowing high, she pushed the pillow away and lifted herself up on a pair of wobbly elbows.

"What the hell was that?"

"An early Christmas present?" Olivia snickered before she placed a few wet kisses on the inside of Amanda's thighs.

"Come here." The blonde said, her morning voice so hoarse now that it came out as an involuntary whisper.

"No, you need to sleep a little longer. I have some... arrangements to take care of. You can take care of me tonight."

Amanda didn't get a chance to argue with her. She got a quick peck on the lips before Olivia slipped out of bed, threw on a T-shirt and disappeared into the dark living room. Three seconds later she came back, peered through the crack in the door and said with her captain voice: "Don't come out until I ask you to."

"What if I have to pee?"

"I don't care. Use your water bottle, be creative." And then, she closed the door.

As much as she wanted to find out what all the fuss was about, she did feel a little worn out after being woken up like that, and as she listened to the sounds of Olivia turning on the shower, she drifted off and into a deep sleep.

"You were supposed to sleep for another hour." Olivia whispered while leaning against the edge of Billie's travel crib. She was getting too big for it, but for now, Barba's cabin had limited options.

"Good morning, baby." She was just about to lift the toddler when the blonde haired girl reached for her and said "morning, mama." A hint of a southern drawl in her little voice.

Mama.

"Ok." Olivia just whispered, completely taken aback by what felt like such a random but earth-shattering moment. "Ok."

She still remembered how her heart had nearly stopped the first time Noah said that word to her. And this was no different.

They hadn't actively tried to get her to call Olivia that at all, but 'mom' and 'mama' got thrown around so much around the house that in some wonderful way it made sense that Olivia had suddenly progressed from 'Livia' to something much more significant.

"You picked a good day to get me all chocked up, sweet girl." The brunette said with tears in her eyes before kissing the toddler on the forehead. "Should we go wake up Jesse and Noah? We've got some work to do."

She laughed silently when Billie made a sound that sounded an awful lot like a siren. "No, baby, not that kind of work. Not today."

One hour later, Amanda was just starting to wake up when there was a soft knock at the door.

"Good morning, hon." Olivia smiled, carrying a pile of clothes in her arms.

"What's going on?" Amanda looked ridiculously cute and confused when she blinked at Olivia. "Are we evacuating?"

"No, but you have to come outside."

"Outside? It's still dark, and so cold."

"Just... get dressed."

Olivia watched with amusement as her confused girlfriend hastily threw on layer after layer, her hair a total mess and sleep still in her eyes.

"Now this." The captain said as she held out a scarf, but before Amanda had time to grab it, Olivia was already tying it around her face.

"The fuck?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Not really, no." Amanda said, now completely blindfolded.

"Take my hand."

With careful and stumbling steps, the blonde followed Olivia into the living room.

"I smell something."

"Yes. It's called food."

"Smart ass."

And then she noticed that something, or rather someone, was missing.

"Liv, did you give the kids away?"

She heard a short chuckle next to her before a pair of hands gently grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. Then, she heard a door open and suddenly she was met by a cold breeze.

"You know, if you wanted me to leave, you could've just asked."

"I don't want you to leave. Quite the opposite."

And finally her blindfold was pulled down.

"Surprise!" Noah and Jesse yelled.

"Wh-"

At first she didn't notice it. She just saw three kids and Frannie in the middle of a big heart, shaped by small lanterns and footsteps, and a few dog prints, in the snow.

But then...

"Liv..." The name was followed by a strangled sob.

Under the heart, three beaming kids and a dog, she read the four words shaped by more footsteps and lanterns.

'Will you marry me?'

"You have to say yes, mama!" Jesse yelled before she was echoed by her little sister. "Say yes, mama!"

Eventually, she managed to turn and look at the woman next to her.

"What'll it be, Georgia pea-"

Olivia was abruptly cut off by a fierce kiss.

"Ewww." Jesse said while covering her eyes with her small mittens.

"Told you they would do that." Noah replied dryly.

"So that's a firm no on your part?" Olivia grinned while wiping away a tear on Amanda's cold cheek.

"That's a very loud and proud yes." She leaned in and kissed her again. "Yes, yes, I want to be your wife, Olivia Benson."

It was her turn to wipe away Olivia's tears now and just like when they first met, more than ten years ago, she felt herself drown completely in those beautiful, brown eyes.

"God, I love you."

A/N: Imma just gonna go cry for a few days. See ya later.