Disclaimer: I own nothing.

BPOV

I was drifting in complete darkness when I heard Edward's melodious voice.

"No, this isn't it. Not for us. It can't be. I refuse to accept this outcome. Damn it, Bella. You promised. Come back to me, please." His voice sounded so far away, and was contorted by the sound of desperation and anger. Anger?

I followed the sound of his voice. I tried willing myself to wake up, to comfort Edward. I wasn't sure how long I took waking up, but slowly I felt the weight of my eyelids, and I pried them open. I could feel the exhaustion of my body, it ached everywhere, it felt so frail and weak. I disturbed me to feel my body give up on me. It was immensely frustrating.

When I opened them, I saw Carlisle and Edward watching me intently. It was almost exactly like my last hospital stint.

"Wow, talk about deja-vu," my voice sounded hoarse, and my throat ached.

"She's still delirious," Carlisle sighed in defeat. I furrowed my eyebrows. Despite the exhaustion, I could understand what was going on around me.

"No, I'm not," I insisted. It took me a moment before I was able to continue, "Last time I was in here, when I woke up you both were watching me like that," I groggily explained. I barely finished my explanation when Edward crushed his cold lips to mine.

"Thank God," Edward sighed in relief, "You scared the hell out of me, Bella."

"What happened?" My eyes flickered between Edward and Carlisle, I couldn't muster the energy to lift my head yet.

"An infection, it led to pneumonia," Carlisle explained. "You've been out for a little over a week, closer to two weeks."

"Over a week?" I almost shrieked, at least it would have been a shriek if it didn't feel like I had just finished swallowing shards of glass.

"It's a miracle that you're awake right now, the medications weren't working," Edward added.

"I heard you, when you were talking to me, actually kind of yelling," I attempted to explain. "It was complete darkness until I heard you."

Edward didn't say anything, he just kissed me fiercely again, it was like he needed the reassurance that I was actually awake.

Carlisle cleared his throat to remind us of his presence. My face started warming up. Carlisle smiled, "I'm so happy you're awake, Bella. We've all missed you very much. I'm going to go let Charlie know. I'll need to run some blood tests, as well."

I nodded. I looked away while he quickly took whatever blood he needed and left.

"I'm sorry," I turned to Edward, taking his hand again.

"I missed you so much," Edward whispered brokenly. I felt immense guilt that I had put him through this again.

He lifted a cup of water to my lips. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I finished the cup. He refilled it again. My throat felt slightly better, so I decided something needed to be said, I needed to know that no matter what became of me, Edward wouldn't let it destroy himself.

"I need you to promise me something," I croaked and Edward nodded.

"Anything."

"If something happens to me, if for some reason I don't make it, don't- just promise me you'll go on, live a happy, full life, I couldn't stand it if my death killed you too."

"I can't promise you that," Edward snapped, slightly raising his voice. His jaw was clenched, if he wasn't a vampire I would have been worried about him breaking his teeth.

"Edward. You should- I will fight my hardest, but I need to know that you'll go forward with or without me."

"Promise me," he stated abruptly.

"What?"

"That you'll fight your hardest, swear it," he insisted harshly.

"I will, I promise," I nodded, slightly confused as to why he would think that I wouldn't. "Now you."

"If you die," he choked out the word. "I'll keep going, if only for you, but I honestly have no idea how to live without you."

"Edward...," I sighed, I shouldn't be his only reason for living, there should be more than just me tethering him to this life, he needed a stability that I couldn't offer him.

"I read what you wrote," he interrupted.

"What?" I was confused, I knew Edward read most things I wrote. The only thing I hadn't shown him was the letter on the last page. It all clicked into place. I closed my eyes and tried taking a deep breath, the pain was still abysmal. I held back a wince.

"That last page. I read it," his voice was laced with anger. I opened my eyes to find his expression locked in anger, I could see the fear in his eyes, but all I could focus on was the anger in his words. I don't even think that he was upset with me- maybe he was, I couldn't fault him for that- but I think he was unnerved at my attempt to say goodbye. "What did you think, that I would be okay with saying goodbye to you, if I knew what I meant to you? If I had one last letter? Nothing could make that okay, Bella."

"It's not supposed to, Edward. It's supposed to- I don't know-give you solace, some comfort, one last piece of me," I stumbled through my explanation. In hindsight I could see all of the mistakes I had made, all the messes I was going to leave behind, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to atone for those missteps.

"Solace? My God, Bella, you are the love of my existence. And I'm supposed to be okay with you just being gone." His voice was raised in disbelief. "I'll never be okay with that," he finished quietly.

There was nothing I could say, so I just held his hand. I was still tired and there wasn't anything else to be said right now, so we remained in comfortable silence. After a while he rested his head in my lap, and I raked my fingers through his copper hair. We stayed like that until I fell asleep again. I woke up to the sound of Charlie's gruff voice.

"I thought you said she was awake." Charlie's voice sounded almost as tormented as Edward's did.

"She is," I exhaled softly, slowly opening my eyes. "I guess I fell asleep again."

Carlisle and Charlie were both by the door, Edward's head was still in my lap. He was pretending to be asleep. My guess was that he was trying to keep his human facade up in front of Charlie, I had the sneaking suspicion that Edward hadn't left the hospital at all.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you," Carlisle said.

"No, it's fine, apparently I've been asleep for over a week," I chuckled groggily trying to put Charlie at ease.

"Just out of a coma and already cracking jokes. I missed you, Bells." Charlie's voice sounded lighter, he came and kissed the top of my head.

"You too, Dad."

"And you woke up just in time for your birthday," Charlie chuckled, he knew how I felt about my birthday. I cringed. "Come on, Bells, you only turn 18 once."

"What day is it?" I asked hesitantly.

"September 14th," Carlisle answered. "She will still have to be here a few more days for observation."

"See, oh well, too bad," I shrugged dismissively.

"Oh, I think Edward and Alice have very different ideas, far from nothing," Carlisle laughed nodding his head to Edward who was still pretending to sleep in my lap.

"I have a few questions for you Carlisle," Charlie said after a moment, "And I should call Renee."

"Oh," I murmured, I had noticed her absence, but I didn't know what to make of it. I knew she didn't do well in these situations, and I didn't want her to fly across the country just to sit here in this hospital, but if it was serious enough to alarm everyone, why wasn't she here? I pushed away that thought. "Is she okay? She didn't fly down here, did she?"

"No, I told her Edward stayed with you the whole time, that it wasn't necessary, unless-," Charlie trailed off. I knew what he was about to say. I nodded in understanding. Renee didn't bode well in hospitals, she always became too restless. It became more difficult to rest when she was here. Charlie and Carlisle both walked out of the room.

"Enjoying your nap?" I chuckled as Edward lifted his head.

"It was very informative," Edward smiled. "Alice is on her way up. They've all been visiting you constantly."

"All?" The last time I was awake my relationship with Rosalie was still strained to say the least.

"Yes, even Rose. She saw how devastated I was, it was touch and go for a while, Bella. They had to intubate you."

"Oh." I didn't have a sufficient response to that. I knew that being they wouldn't have intubated me unless it was a grave situation, and Edward hated when I made light of situations, so silence was my best response. Before we could say anything else Alice and Jasper walked into the room.

"Bella! Finally, I was so worried about you. Don't scare us like that." She embraced me tightly. I couldn't hide the wince at her tight embrace. My ribs and lungs were aching. I saw Jasper stiffen a little. I'm sure he could feel the pain and frustration I was feeling. I tried to contain what I was feeling so neither him nor Edward would see it. Edward had been in enough pain as it was, I didn't want to add to that.

"Careful, Alice," Edward reprimanded her.

"Sorry, I didn't-I couldn't see when you were going to wake up, it was only like a few hours ago I even saw anything change."

"You saw exactly when I started yelling at her," Edward stated. I had guessed Edward would see Alice's vision.

"You yelled at her?" Alice scolded in disbelief.

"Something like that," I answered. "I guess it's a good thing, it woke me up."

We sat in silence for a moment before Alice broke the silence. I was pretty good at compartmentalizing my emotions, but I was having a hard time, and from the way Jasper was watching me, he definitely picked up on it.

"Can I talk to you outside Alice, Jasper?" Edward asked. They both nodded.

"I'll be right back, love," Edward bent down and kissed my forehead before leaving.

I nodded, I wanted a minute alone to collect my emotions. There was a water bottle next to me. I struggled just grabbing it, every part of my body ached. I couldn't help but feel completely pathetic. I knew rationally my body was exhausted from the poking and prodding over the years, but I couldn't help but feel betrayed. I didn't know how to come back from this, I didn't even know if I could come back from this.

I couldn't open it. It cemented the feeling of defeat. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes, but I tried to will them away. I tried to open it one more time, but it was futile. As I swiped the water bottle off of the tray in frustration, Jasper walked in.

It just added onto my embarrassment.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Jasper gently asked while picking up the water bottle.

"I'm fine, Jasper," I exhaled with my eyes closed. I didn't have it in me to try to convince him any more than that.

"Bella, I am an empath, remember? I can feel exactly what you're feeling."

I humorlessly chortled, "Yeah."

"Bella, please don't beat yourself up. It's amazing that you're even awake, cut yourself some slack."

I tried to listen to what he was saying, but his words weren't reaching the irrational part of me. I tried to nod and convince him that I believed what he was saying but it didn't work.

"Bella, I'm serious. Edward may want to sugar coat what happened, but I think you should hear it. You almost died, Bella, plain and simple. 2 seizures, pneumonia and countless complications, Bella. You barely responded to anything in the 2 weeks you were here. There is no medical reason you should be awake right now. That's not something someone can just bounce back from, not even you."

Jasper wasn't worried about scaring me, I knew he was being truthful when he said it was a close-call. I nodded in understanding, "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Jasper."

"Anytime. Can I just add, the amount of pain you're in is kind of killing me, I'm not quite sure how you tolerate it."

I laughed. I felt the pain and exhaustion ease slightly, which I'm sure was Jasper's doing.

"Okay, we're back. I saw- your birthday's in a few days." Alice's excitement was normally contagious, but I was dreading whatever she and Edward had concocted. Edward returned to his seat next to me, and took my hand again.

"You saw, or Edward told you?" I grumbled. I shot a knowing look at Edward, but he just kissed the back of my hand.

"Tomato, tom-ah-to. It doesn't matter how I know, but I do, and it will be great," Alice declared.

"Alice, I'm not really a birthday kind of person," I explained, slightly wrinkling my nose.

"Oh, we're celebrating anyway, so suck it up," she ordered excitedly. Edward laughed, not making any move to reign in his overenthusiastic sister.

"Well, I'll still be in here," I countered, slightly smirking.

"Like that could stop Alice," Edward interjected.

It didn't look like I was going to be able to convince either of them, so I sighed in defeat. "Fine," I groaned, "But Alice, keep it small, please?"

"First your wedding, now your birthday?" Alice grumbled.

"Alright, Alice. She still needs her rest, you can go plan to your heart's content," Edward said, finally stepping in. She sighed in defeat.

She and Jasper embraced me gently, and then left.

"Charlie went to go talk to Renee, then he's going home- visiting hours are over. Carlisle wants to discuss some things with us, but he wants to wait until morning, he's going home to update everyone," Edward said as Alice left. "We're alone at last."

He kissed me, this time it felt desperate. I was barely aware of the heart monitor beating faster.

"We should stop," Edward said against my mouth.

"We should, we're in a hospital." Neither of us made any move to stop for a few minutes, then we pulled away slowly.

"I missed you too," I laughed breathlessly, "I don't know how you could want me when I'm like this, I'm sure I look terrible."

"Bella, I may not be a human, but I am a man. I'll always want you, anytime, anywhere."

I could feel the blush forming on my face at Edward's brazenness. I could also hear the heart monitor beating faster. I decided it was best to change the subject, I wanted to preserve whatever dignity I had left.

"Were you okay here? Imagine it got boring, just watching me."

"I had some good reading material." He nodded towards my journal. "I have many, many more questions."

"Alright, go ahead."

"Wait, really?" he said dubiously.

"You've been sitting here for over a week. It's the least I can do." I stroked his hand.

"I did what any good husband would," Edward insisted.

I smiled and bit my lip. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that. You being my husband."

"Get used to it Mrs. Cullen, you're stuck with me."

"I'm counting on that."

"Anyway, there was one that was different, than what you've written previously."

"Different bad, different good?" I asked curiously.

"It was still good, amazing even, just different."

"Okay, which one?"

"This one," he said, flipping to Don't Blame Me. "Like I said it's different. Explain."

"Alright. When I went to see Jake, he said that you were making me crazy, that I was addicted to you, and then what you said about me being your brand of heroin, and how Mike thought I was leading him on. I guess it was the culmination of everything."

"And this one?" He flipped to Innocent.

"That's probably the only thing that isn't about you," I sighed. "When I saw Jake, he said something, out of anger, something completely unlike him, so…" I trailed off, shrugging.

"What did he say?" His eyebrows furrowed, I knew he was still pretty angry about what had happened with Jake, so I figured it would be best to not add fuel to that flame.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine, I don't think he meant it." I hadn't seen Jake since he had said those harsh words, so I didn't know that he didn't mean them, but I didn't hold them against him either way.

"And this one?" He asked flipping to the 1.

"I wrote this a while ago, probably when we first started spending time with each other," I reminisced.

"You don't think I'm 'the one'?" He raised an eyebrow. He hid it well but I could see in his eyes that he was hurt by that notion.

"Actually the opposite, I knew you were mine, but there was no way I could be your 'the one', I always thought that you'd find someone after I was gone," I admitted meekly.

"Never," he swore. I stroked his face, and softly smiled.

We kept talking like this until I fell asleep again.