Annabelle's POV

I stood outside of Forks hospital with Alice and Jasper. The three of us were standing in a thicket of trees besides the hospital. We could see through the sliding glass front doors that the receptionist had received the letter with the Cullens' donation on it. Then, a nurse suddenly ran out, yelling that they'd magically gotten their missing equipment back.

The three of us traded smiles.

"Well, and that's that," Alice said happily.

I nodded. But at her words, I felt a pang go off in my heart. She's right. We're done here. Shauna has woken up - thank God. But that means that I don't have any reason to be here anymore. In fact, I need to get moving. I've got to get back to my job in Brazil.

Jasper discretely shot me a look, sensing my conflicting feelings of complete relief and happiness at seeing Shauna waking up and reunited with her family, happiness at having played a role in that, and then, a vague sadness and melancholy at no longer having a reason to be here, in Forks, where Carlisle was...

Alice, too, paused, as she saw my future in her mind: I was running back to Brazil, to work at the hospital there.

"Wait!" Alice suddenly burst out.

Quicker than in the blink of an eye, Alice reached out and grabbed my arm. "Don't go!" she said to me, pleading with her eyes.

I stared at her, shocked.

Behind her, Jasper suddenly went racing off. He was barely a streak, sprinting off through the trees behind the hospital.

"Where is Jasper go-?" I began, but Alice merely shook her head and gripped my arm tighter.

"Annabelle," Alice said, and she forced herself to speak quietly, almost coaxingly, "Please, listen."

"Listen...?" I repeated, confused.

"Before, when you stayed with us the first time, I didn't realize that your hesitation came from your loving Carlisle," Alice said straightforwardly.

I blinked. Oh God, she knows?

I only managed to say awkwardly, "Oh..."

Alice continued, "Jasper told me that you loved him very much, but that you were afraid to cause trouble for him with us, or to intrude upon his grieving of Esme."

My mouth fell open a little. Jasper knew all that?

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Alice," I said, mortified, "I have no intention of intruding on Carlisle's life, or - or making things difficult for his family, and that includes you -"

"No, I know that. I'm not asking for an explanation. Rather, I'm sorry and I owe you an explanation. Well, we all do," Alice said regretfully. "We all misunderstood you, you know. Take me, for example. I thought your hesitation came from working on behalf of the Volturi, not because you were trying to do right by Carlisle."

So, I thought, this explains why she's so friendly with me now. She's no longer mistaking my motivations. But why is she telling me all this now? That chapter has closed.

"Please stay," Alice finished. "If you still love Carlisle, please stay."

I looked away from her, feeling very vulnerable all of a sudden.

"No, Alice," I said softly. "I don't think I can stay. I don't think I should."

"Why ever not?" she wondered. "Have your feelings for him changed?"

"It's not - It's not that," I admitted, feeling a fresh wave of embarrassment course through me. Had been I a human, I would have been blushing quite a bit.

"Then...?"

I struggled to explain my thoughts and feelings. "It's just that... I don't think..." I sighed and tried again. "Love is about what the other person feels, isn't it? Just because I want everything for someone doesn't mean they want everything from me."

"Annabelle -" Alice began, but she fell silent when I started speaking again.

"You were the one who opened my eyes, Alice," I told her quietly. "You once said that I'm nothing like Esme. You were - You are right."

Alice looked stricken. "No, I didn't mean..." she whispered, horrified, "I didn't mean it like that."

I shook my head softly. No longer looking at her, I murmured, "I know you didn't. You didn't know about my feelings for Carlisle, then, so of course you weren't trying to hurt me by saying that. My point is that you were right, regardless. I have to live my life - without him. It's the only way. It was wrong of me to ever think he could be... home. He'd given me my second life. Who am I to ask for more? That's just selfish, isn't it? I've got to do what I can with what I've been given of my life now. I owe it to myself, and I owe it to Carlisle."

"So even now, I think it's best if I just... leave," I said honestly.

"Annabelle, no," Alice protested. "Please, if you still have feelings for Carlisle... I can't speak for him, but please don't let me, or Rosalie, or anyone else stop you from seeing him again."

I shook my head. "It's not you, Alice. Or Rosalie. Or anyone else."

"But... you're not even going to say good-bye?" Alice asked, and her eyes were so sad, almost heart-broken.

When I didn't reply and simply bowed my head, avoiding her gaze, Alice stepped closer to me and she pressed, "He'd want you to say good-bye, at the very least."

Why is Alice making this so difficult for me? Can't she already tell I'm struggling without her saying all of this and confusing me? I hurriedly stepped away from her.

"A simple good-bye," Alice whispered.

"Stop!" The word left my lips in an almost angry shout before I realized what I was doing.

We both stared at each other, stunned by my outburst.

"Alice, forgive me," I blurted out at once. "I didn't mean to shout at you. I know I'm being a coward. I know it. But I can't do this right now."

I meant to dash away from her, but Alice, seeing my movements as I decided them, stepped in front of me, gently but firmly cutting me off. Reaching out again, she grabbed my hand once more, holding me back and by her side. "Why?" she asked me, pleading with me.

"I need more time to- to stop loving Carlisle," I confessed, as I struggled to pull my hand out of Alice's grip. "He doesn't want it, I know, and I don't want to burden him anymore. I can't be here, loving him, when I know there's no place for me besides him. I can't do it anymore! So, please…" I finally slid my fingers out of Alice's grasp with some difficulty. "Please let me go."

"No, wait -!"

But before Alice could grab my hand again, I took off, racing through the forest as fast as my feet would take me.

That's right. Even though I've found my purpose and I know that I don't need Carlisle, I still... I still love him. I still think of him all the time. I still want him. And it will hurt me to see him again when I'm not prepared. I need more time. With more time, I'll... I'll be able to hide my feelings better and greet him with grace. But not now, not today...

Carlisle Cullen's POV

Jasper suddenly burst into the house.

"Carlisle!" he called.

I was before him in a flash.

"What is it?" I asked urgently. "Is Shauna -?"

"It's Annabelle! She's leaving!"

"What?" My heart dropped. She's leaving again without saying good-bye. What have I done to hurt her so? I know I disappointed her in so many ways, but I would hope that I least warrant a good-bye from her.

"If you feel for her at all, if your words in Volterra weren't just words - go after her!" Jasper urged me. "Go! It's now or never."

I hesitated. "But... if she's avoiding me, if she doesn't wish to see me..."

"She loves you, Carlisle," Jasper told me quietly. "It's why she can't bring herself to say good-bye."

I remained frozen in my spot for one second longer. Then, I suddenly took off, throwing open the front door and sprinting into the forest.

Somehow, I knew how to find her. Even though it was raining and the rain should have distorted and washed away her scent, I picked up her scent so easily for I was, and had always been, hyperaware of both her presence and her absence around me since the moment I'd met her.

It's difficult to explain how her presence lingered with me, but it did. The closest I could get to describing it is perhaps to refer to the feeling you get when you wake up from a most beautiful dream. That feeling stays with you for the rest of the day, making everything else feel that much more lighter and beautiful. This is so even if the dream had nothing to do with the deep sorrows and quiet aches of everyday life that you never spoke of and always felt obligated to swallow on your own.

In this way, Annabelle's very existence made mine feel brighter, and to think that she was running from me was difficult enough. To then think that she was running from me because somehow I caused her pain, when she had only brought brightness in my life, was too much to bear. I could not - would not - have her thinking that.

Her scent was becoming stronger every passing second, and I knew that I was close. Then, I saw it - a streak of her hair through the trees.

Annabelle's POV

Sheets of rain were coming down fast and hard as I sprinted through the forest. At the speed I was running, it was like I was splashing through a waterfall every few seconds.

"Annabelle!"

I stopped in my tracks. Carlisle's voice... I'd know it anywhere.

An intense wave of déjà vu swept over me. This was how I had encountered him last before, before this spiraling mess of events had played out... and made me fall for him even more.

"Annabelle, please! Please don't run from me. At least not without hearing me out."

I didn't turn around. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I swallowed hard. My entire body was rigid with tension. Why has he come after me?

I heard Carlisle approach me cautiously from behind me. Respectfully, he maintained a fair amount of distance between us.

"Annabelle." Carlisle's voice was softer than I'd ever heard it before. "It seems like you've found a life for yourself somewhere else. I'm happy for you, Annabelle. Truly, I am. Though I can't say I'm surprised. I always knew that you'd live a brilliant life. But... don't I at least deserve some sort-of farewell? Do I not mean anything to you? At least say good-bye..."

He thinks I don't care for him. He thinks I'm forgotten him already. He thinks I'm ungrateful... I shut my eyes. Nothing can be further from the truth.

The rain fell steadily, catching on my lashes. It felt like I was crying.

Without turning around, I tried my best to offer him an explanation for my erratic behavior. "I'm sorry I left without telling you. But I have to – to get some distance from you. I can't breathe properly around you anymore."

"Can't breathe...? Did I do something to hurt you, Annabelle?" Carlisle asked, his voice surprised. "If I have, please tell me. You know I would never intentionally hurt you."

My voice trailed off. Finally, I whispered, "I know you don't mean to hurt me. It's not you that I blame. It's my own desire... You don't understand, Carlisle. You never have."

Carlisle cautiously stepped one step forward, one step closer to me. He murmured quietly, repeating his plea, "Then tell me. Please, Annabelle."

Does he know that he's asking for a confession? I wondered. I'm not ready for this.

However, a voice in the back of my mind pushed me and said knowingly, Well, Annabelle, when do you think you will be ready for this?

I was silent. The voice continued, That's right. The truth is that you will never be ready for this.

Yes, I acknowledged to myself, I will always want Carlisle, and it will always be difficult to leave him, no matter how successful I become as a doctor, no matter how beautiful life becomes... I will still want him.

A terrible pain ripped through my heart. Carlisle's right, I realized, I have to face him now. I can't keep running away like this. It's unfair to him.

Fine, I thought, almost numbly. Taking a deep breath, I told myself, Let's... Let's find a resolution now.

Both of us were getting absolutely drenched by the steady downpour of pain, but neither of us cared. We hardly noticed. The air was fraught with tension.

Still with my back to Carlisle and my eyes shut, I gave my best efforts to explain myself. "When I heard about Shauna's funeral, I knew I had to come," I said. "But I didn't realize that I'd see you, too. I didn't think I'd run into you so suddenly."

Carlisle's eyes dimmed and his brow furrowed as he asked me, "You didn't want to see me again?"

"I do want to see you again," I confessed, my voice trembling. "Of course I do. Always. Don't you know that by now?"

"I wasn't sure," Carlisle admitted honestly.

"Well, I do want to see you... I just don't want to say good-bye." The words rushed out of my mouth before I could stop myself. "You've given me my life, Carlisle. I don't wish to ask for anything more, nor do I want to burden you with my feelings. I intend to take responsibility for myself, in every way, and I'm figuring how to build a life of my own, I truly am. But still... every time I have to leave you, or you leave me, it's like an iron fist rips through my chest. It's why I couldn't say good-bye in Italy, either. I can't find the resolve to say it, Carlisle. I know it's pathetic, but I can't say good-bye to you. I can't. Not when it takes everything I have to leave your side. Not when I can't seem to figure out how to - to stop loving you -"

I cut off. My hands gripped into fists. No, oh no, I've gone too far. I didn't mean to say all of that. I didn't mean to...

There was only silence.

"Forgive me -" I managed to squeeze the beginning of an apology out of my tight throat, but I suddenly stopped talking altogether, for Carlisle abruptly crossed the distance between us in one quick step and crushed me in a tight hug.

"Annabelle," he whispered. His voice was tight with emotion. "If you can't say good-bye, then don't. Stay with me."

The ice surrounding my heart cracked entirely and fell around our feet, where it melted with the rain. But what's he saying, and what I want to hear... It couldn't be the same meaning, could it?

"Carlisle, please don't say that so carelessly," I pleaded with him. "Not when it doesn't mean for me what it does for you..."

Carlisle gently turned me around. "What does it mean for you, Annabelle?"

"You know..." I murmured, embarrassed.

"I would like to hear it from you," he said patiently.

"It means being with you," I said quietly. "Not just the way your family members are with you, but... closer."

"As a lover?" he asked me gently, clarifying. "As a partner? That's what you're saying, isn't it?"

"Yes..." The word fell uncertainly from my lips.

"Well," Carlisle said, and a lovely smile graced his lips as relief and happiness poured into his heart. Teasing me, he whispered to me, "I'm sure we can figure something out, Annabelle."

"But... don't you want me to leave?" I asked him, still confused.

I was astonished when Carlisle wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. Then, shaking his head, he told me, "No. Never."

"Because you're my creator? Because of responsibility?" I questioned, having to lift my face to look up at him. But I wanted to see his expression as he replied. That was always the impression that I'd gotten - that he simply thought of himself as my Creator, that his true loyalty lay in his already existing family only, and to Esme...

"No, we're far past that now. Your life is your life, Annabelle," Carlisle replied honestly. "Rather, I would like to spend my days with you by my side, if that's all right with you. If that's what you want, too."

I stared up at him, stunned. Rain drops streaked down both our faces, and a light breeze shook the slender tree branches, causing more raindrops to scatter from the leaves and onto us. A few beads of rainwater splashed onto my now-upturned face and ran down my cheeks.

"You're crying," he said softly. Smiling ever so slightly, he wiped the stray raindrops from my cheeks.

"Carlisle," I whispered his name, still in total shock.

"Annabelle." Carlisle pulled me into his embrace even tighter. Reaching up, he pressed my head gently against his chest, cradling me in his arms. Then, he whispered, "My love."

At his words, I melted into him. I clutched the back of his shirt, now soaked through with rain, and cried soundlessly, tearlessly.

"You're crying in my arms again," Carlisle murmured lightly. He kissed the top of my head. "When will I give you something other than sadness, I wonder?"

I only pressed my face a little harder against his chest, wondering if I could get away with sneaking a kiss on his chest, or if he would feel it through his shirt, leaving me embarrassed.

Love is so strange, I found myself thinking blurrily, as I secretly tried to press my lips against his chest. When I was younger, I thought love and family was just pure happiness. But it's not. It's sadness and regret and want all mixed up together in a difficult and sometimes impossible bundle. And yet, there is no deeper emotion in the world than this, and every bit of pain is worth it - to love and be loved...

"What are you doing?" Carlisle wondered, feeling the way I was nestling against his chest.

"Nothing," I said quickly, my voice muffled by his chest. "Never mind."

"Come," Carlisle murmured gently to me, after a moment. "Let's go home, Annabelle."

"Home..." I whispered.

Home. Is there such a thing... for someone like me...? Could there be such a thing?

"Yes." Reaching down, Carlisle lifted my face in his hands. For the first time, it was him holding my face tenderly in his hands, not the other way around. I blinked.

His eyes... They were so tender. Compassionate. Caring. Understanding.

And for once, there was not a trace of sadness in them, only hope and a promise - a promise of what? I wondered.

Then, as though he could hear the question in my heart, he answered:

"Home," Carlisle repeated softly. "Where you're wanted. Where you're loved. Where you're safe."

Seeing my eyes brighten in wonder, and simultaneously, acceptance, finally, of his love for me, Carlisle smiled. Then, he warmly put his arm around my shoulder and led me back towards the Cullens' house.

As I walked through the forest, I felt as though a secret heart within my heart was opening up like some undiscovered flower, revealing itself petal by petal to a newfound world. Yes, there is such a thing as home, even for me. In fact, there are many homes for all types of people - the home we build for ourselves, the home we build to allow ourselves into our lives, and the home that houses all our dreams and desires. The last is the one that lies in the future, waiting for you to find the pathway to it, where it will receive you, doors wide open, asking nothing of you except to rest, and love, and live...

a/n:

to MDBEU: Thank you! :)