I'm back!

Sorry for being gone so long XD Hopefully, that last chapter kept you happy in my absence ^^

Thank you for all the amazing comments, as always!

I love you guys!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Chapter 33

Sofia

I collapsed on the bed next to James after we got back from the concert.

My throat stung from singing and screaming so loud, and my ears were still pounding, but god, it was fun.

These had been the best two days of my entire life.

No, this had been the best month of my life.

I knew James was happy too; he had been extra sweet all day, which was definitely saying something.

My mind was still spinning from his proposal and the fact we had sex, but I was doing my best not to go all excited teenage girl on him even though my heart went into seizure mode every time I looked at him.

I never knew I was capable of feeling this way toward anyone.

The way he touched me was unlike anything I had ever felt.

He had been so gentle and loving, and although it wasn't my first time, it sure as hell felt like it.

I shyly glanced over at him and blushed, quickly looking away.

"What's up, baby?" he asked, pulling me on top of him.

"Oh, um, nothing," I stuttered, mentally smacking myself.

Calm the fuck down, Sofia. Jesus.

"Talk to me, love," he traced my jaw with his fingertips.

"I'm just so happy," I bit my lip to keep from grinning like an idiot and buried my face in his neck.

"Why are you hiding?" he laughed, pulling me back up, "I love seeing you like this,"

"I love feeling like this," I giggled, "I just don't know how to act now,"

"What do you mean, princess?" he asked, lacing our fingers together and resting them on his chest.

"We're engaged now, and we've had sex, both of which I never thought I was even capable of, even though we've been talking about getting married since we met, and I know that sex is a normal thing couples do, it's not supposed to be a huge deal, I mean, you already had condoms, and you've been super sweet today, but not much different than normal, and I'm just trying really hard not to overthink any of it and stay calm when all I want to do is scream," I rambled, staring at his chest.

He smiled, pulling himself up and cradling me in his arms, "Yeah, we've been talking about spending our life together for a month, but you could have still said no to my proposal, and I honestly wasn't expecting us to have sex last night, but it is a big deal, baby. You and I lost our virginities to the only people we will ever sleep with again. And I bought those condoms after you started sleeping without your shirt because I wanted to be ready when you were. I know you want to adopt kids, so I don't want to get you pregnant," he kissed my forehead, "Don't try to downplay your emotions because you're worried that I'm not as excited as you are; Act however you want, baby, seriously, scream if you want to!"

James jumped up and carried me to the balcony, setting me down and leaning over the edge as he yelled, "I LOVE SOFIA BENTON!"

I laughed and positioned myself beside him, yelling, "I LOVE JAMES TALBERT!"

He pulled me into his chest and pulled my chin up, kissing me feverishly.

"Were you really worried I would say no when you proposed?" I asked, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Not so much worried you'd say no as worried you'd ask me to wait again," he admitted, tightening his grip around me, "I had planned to wait until the week of Thanksgiving, but after everything that happened over the weekend, I couldn't take another day of only calling you my girlfriend,"

"I definitely don't want to wait, but you were going to wait two months to ask me?!" I gasped, and he nodded.

"Yep, but I'm glad I did it now so we can start planning," he kissed the top of my head.

"I'm pretty sure I would have gotten you a ring and asked you to marry me if I had to wait that long," I laughed.

"Is that so?" James looked down at me, and I nodded, "In that case, give me the ring back; I want to hear your proposal!" he playfully grabbed for my hand, but I ducked out of his arms, and he chased me to the bedroom.

"No takebacks! It's mine!" I stuck my tongue out at him and jumped on the bed as he tried to grab me.

"Awe, baby, please," he purred, crawling toward me as I fell back on the pillows.

"I'll make you a deal," I giggled, "You let me keep the ring, and I'll propose to you on your birthday."

"You promise?" he asked, crawling on top of me and touching his nose to mine.

"I swear," I smiled, rubbing my nose on his.

"Deal, then," he smiled, kissing me, "Have you thought about where you want to get married?"

James rolled over next to me and propped himself up on his elbow.

"Disney World Ideally," I giggled, "What about you?"

"If you want to get married in Disney World, then we will," he smiled, kissing my hand.

"No," I shook my head, "This isn't just my wedding, it's our wedding, and I refuse for you to allow me to have everything I want,"

"So if I said I wanted to get married in the Greenbay stadium, you'd be okay with that?" he chuckled.

"Of course, I'd just have to make sure everyone wore warm clothes and get a fancy hoodie to go over my dress," I shrugged, "Wisconsin is going to be cold in February,"

His face softened, and he pulled me closer to him.

"I truly am the luckiest man in the world, Sofia," he sighed, kissing my forehead.

"And I'm the luckiest girl," I snuggled into him, "I don't care where we get married, as long as you're the one waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I love you, James,"

"I love you too, Sofia. So damn much. I don't care where we get married either, as long as you're happy," he sighed contently.

I closed my eyes and let myself melt into his touch, his scent, his warmth.

As long as I had my James, I would always be happy.

"Are you tired, princess?" he whispered, running his hand along my arm.

"No," I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed, "I'm just comfortable,"

"Do you want to go watch a movie in the jacuzzi?" he nuzzled my neck with his nose.

"Sure, baby," I smiled, opening my eyes, "Is that why you wanted me to bring my bikini?"

"Yeah, but you don't have to wear it," he growled in my ear, and I bit my lip as he pulled me out of bed.

I grabbed the remote while he filled the hot tub and started flipping through the movie selections, landing on The Princess Bride.

"Awe, look, baby, it's you," James smirked, pulling his shirt off.

"It seemed appropriate," I giggled, closing the blinds and doing the same.

"No, no," James wiggled his finger in front of my face, "That's my job,"

I shook my head but pulled my shirt back on so he could remove it himself.

"You got to take yours off," I pouted as he unhooked my bra and kissed along my chest and torso as he kneeled to pull my shorts down.

He finished undressing me, running his fingers along my slit as he stood up, "All you have to do is ask," he smirked, making circles around my clit.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest, trying to even my breathing through the moans.

James pulled my chin up and kissed me, biting my lip as he slid his fingers inside me, and I could feel my legs turn to jelly.

I dug my nails into his arms, and I felt him smile against my mouth before increasing his speed.

"James," I squealed, doing my best not to fall.

"I've got you, gorgeous," he whispered, wrapping his other arm around my waist to keep me steady.

He kissed down my jaw and grazed his teeth across my collarbone, latching onto the skin above it.

My mind went fuzzy as he left a love mark opposite the other one.

"Cum for me, baby," he growled in my ear, and I felt a rush of release as I came on his hand.

I went limp and stumbled to the side of the tub.

"Are you okay?" he asked, kneeling in front of me, and I nodded.

"You are very good at that," I giggled, regaining my focus.

"You are very good at what you do to me, my firey goddess," he ran his hands up my thighs, "I can't help myself,"

"I'm definitely not going to complain," I blushed, "It's just going to take some getting used to,"

"Just remember you can tell me to stop if I get too overzealous," he chuckled.

"I know, baby," I smiled, kissing his cheek, "But I don't see that ever happening,"

I motioned for him to stand up and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them and his boxers down to expose his erection.

I took him in my hand, inspecting his member thoroughly, feeling it tense as I ran along his length.

"What are you thinking about?" James asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Oddly enough, yours is the first I've seen," I blushed, removing my hand and entering the jacuzzi.

"Don't think about it, baby," James jumped in next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "None of that matters anymore; you'll never be in that situation again,"

I nodded and directed my attention to the T.V., trying not to think about Sam or his vicious friends.

I had James.

We were in the most intimate relationship anyone could be in; I needed to focus on the present and our future together.

"Are we moving too fast?" he asked, and I could hear the strain in his voice.

"No, baby," I looked over at him, "I'm comfortable being so vulnerable with you; it's just my stupid brain trying to ruin things as always,"

I stared down at the swirling water, contemplating shoving my stupid face in it.

"I love you, Sofia," he rested his head on mine, "And if you need more time, I'll understand,"

"I know you would," I cupped my hand on his cheek, "You have been so patient and understanding since the beginning, and that's one of the main reasons I am so in love with you, James, but I promise I don't. I want to be with you in every sense of the word; this has nothing to do with me wanting to slow down. It's like I said last night; I just need to get the fuck out of my head. I'm fighting ghosts and memories when I should be enjoying the life I have now,"

He nodded and pulled me across his lap, "I'll do everything I can to help you get past it, you know that,"

"I do," I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck, "But the last thing I want to do is ruin this perfect vacation with therapy time, so ignore everything I've said in the last five minutes and tell me we have snacks,"

"Telling me to ignore it isn't going to make me ignore it," he rolled his eyes, "But yes, we have snacks," he pulled out a bag of veggie straws he had hidden beside the hot tub.

"You are a strange person," I cocked an eyebrow, "You just had those sitting over there?"

"I figured you were going to get hungry, and I didn't want to have to get out," he shrugged, drying his hands off on a towel and feeding me, "If efficiency is strange, then sure, I'm strange,"

I rolled my eyes and happily munched on the disgusting straws as we held each other.

I was happy, and damn it, my head needed to go the fuck away.

I hid under James's arm as we entered the school Monday morning.

The weekend had been mind-blowingly incredible, and I wished we could have stayed alone in that hotel forever.

But I had to face the fact that other people existed, and we had responsibilities.

"I've got you, baby," James whispered as we walked into the classroom, giving me goosebumps as I tried not to think of his hands on my body.

I nodded and sat in my chair, glad that things were almost back to normal, save for the stray comments and questions about where we had been.

James pulled my chair to his and wrapped his arm around my waist, putting me back in the loving bubble I yearned for so badly.

The teacher looked at us sternly but didn't say anything.

I figured they were all aware of our situation now.

Not that James would put me back without a fight, anyway.

"Do you want to drive to the college, love?" He asked, walking me to the parking lot and handing me his keys.

"Yeah," I nodded, taking them from him, "I don't want to be alone with other people right now,"

"I don't want to be away from you," he frowned, pulling me to his chest.

I could feel the possessiveness radiate off of him like a heater.

Like a warm, comfortable heater in the middle of winter.

"I don't either, baby," I sighed, leaning my forehead against his chest, "I've got my meeting with Mrs. White today. Are you sure I can take the truck?"

"Yeah, I'll run home; it will make up for the exercise I missed while we were gone," he smiled, opening my door.

"Okay, I love you," I kissed him and slid in the driver's seat.

"I love you too, please be careful, and text me if you decide to come back early,"

"Always," I nodded, "I'll text you as soon as I get to school,"

He closed my door and watched as I left the parking lot.

I was glad he let me take the truck; I needed to blare music for a while.

"Sofia, I'm glad to see you back," Mrs. White smiled, "I missed you last week, especially after I heard what happened in Wyoming,"

"Yeah," I sighed, chewing my thumbnail, "It's been quite eventful,"

"So tell me about it, how did you take seeing Sam?"

"Well, he had me get on a bus, some of his goonies kidnaped me, Sam shot one in front of me because he elbowed me in the face, the S.W.A.T. team rescued me, and James caught Sam after he tried to escape," I threw my legs over the back of the couch and hung my head off the side, "However, seeing Sam didn't bother me as much as I had thought it would,"

"That sounds terrifying; why do you think seeing Sam didn't bother you?"

I shrugged, tossing my pigtails around on the floor, "I'm not sure why the thought of him scares me than him in person does, but I can tell you that I am done with him showing up in my dreams and my thoughts,"

"Do you dream of him and think about him often?"

"Very often," I grimaced, "James and I went on a vacation to Indianapolis last week, he officially proposed, and we had sex for the first time. I tried not to think about all the sexual abuse, but I can't get past it,"

I sat up and crossed my legs on the middle cushion, waiting for her to offer some much-needed advice.

"You started a sexual relationship with your boyfriend?" she asked, scribbling down notes.

"Fiancee," I smiled, correcting her.

"Mhm," she continued scribbling, "Do you think that's wise given your history of abuse and anxiety?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sofia," Mrs. White stated sternly, "You were raped multiple times for the better part of ten years by animalistic men who would have killed you if you fought them; now, I understand your need for a caring partner, but maybe you should focus on getting past the trauma you have endured instead of forcing yourself into something you aren't ready for,"

"But I am ready for it! James and I love each other; I just need to stop thinking about the past so much,"

"Without history, there is no future,"

"Don't quote Churchill, please," I groaned, folding myself in half and resting my forehead on the cushion, "And how do you expect me to repeat the trauma with James anyway?"

"If you think about what they did to you while you're with James, you are going to resent him eventually, and the relationship will end. Maybe not for him, but you will be too scared to allow him to touch you that you will push him away,"

"But I know James has nothing to do with my trauma; It's not so much that I see Sam while I'm with him because I don't; it's just little things that spark memories,"

"Like what?"

"Like when I saw James's penis," I whispered, feeling my chest tighten and my face get warm.

"Why did that spark a memory?" she asked seriously, and I took a deep breath.

"Because I'd never seen one before, the men would either blindfold me or shove me into the floor," I frowned, rocking back and forth.

"If you're dead set on a sexual relationship with this boy, you two need to discuss how it's making you feel,"

"We have, I told him when it happened. He's willing to slow down, but I don't want to,"

"Why not?"

"Because I want a normal life! I want to be able to make love to the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with without the voices in my head reminding me that my childhood was shit!" I growled, smacking my head on my knees.

"Stop," Mrs. White demanded, putting her hand on my knee, "I can't tell you what to do, I can only advise my professional opinion, and I am advising that you take a step back and focus on yourself before jumping into something that you are clearly not ready for. Wanting a normal relationship is fine, but not if it's going to hinder your recovery. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with James, then you have a long time to work up to sex, but, as I said, if you rush it, you will ruin the good thing you two have,"

"It was perfect the first time," I trembled, "I was so happy, and the only issue I had was how to act around him after,"

"Did you see his penis the first time?"

"Not up close," I frowned, "But I'd touched it before, and I was fine,"

"Perhaps your perception of it had changed after the sexual experience," she crossed her legs, "There are many reasons why it could have triggered you, but I want you to consider seriously taking things slower,"

"I'll talk to James," I sighed, leaning my head back, "Will it ever get better?"

"It will, in time, but you are in control of your recovery. Don't forget that,"

"I won't," I closed my eyes.

"Are you still having nightmares?"

"Not really, not terror-inducing ones anyway. I haven't woken up screaming in a few days,"

"Well, that's something. Are you still taking your medication?"

"Every day, but it doesn't seem to help with the anxiety,"

"You have every reason to be anxious, wait a few days for your senses to calm down from the excitement and see if you still have issues,"

"Okay,"

"Do you want to go?"

"Sure," I nodded, pulling myself up, "See you next week,"

"I'm expecting good news next time," she smiled, patting my back as I passed by.

"You and me both," I mumbled, grabbing my bag and heading back to the truck.