AN: will there be more Strawhats added? yep! i have a few in mind.

who do you guys want to see added, and who do you not? can't guarantee I'll follow those suggestions, but I'm interested to hear about them!

- END NOTE

Mister Three runs, swearing under his breath.

"That Cat Burglar is insane!" he mutters, irritated, "it shouldn't be so easy to shatter my wax… it must be that axe!"

His wax wasn't indestructible, of course. But it was damn near that point.

He was never one to let his guard down, of course (doubt) so if he tactfully secured wax shackles in the right, muscle-restricting spots-- which is what he focuses on most of the time-- no one could escape them.

(To be restricted by the ankles like that and still throw down that axe with as much strength as she used-- that was impressive.)

(In a bad way but yeah.)

He tries to find an excuse for his oversight. It's definitely true that monstrous strength alone usually isn't enough to destroy his wax figures, but that was also because he'd never come across something stronger than he can imagine.

(Like Haki, for example, if he knew what that was.)

Steel couldn't cut through his wax. Seastone may be able to counter his wax in a 'diamond-can-carve-diamond' sort of way, but that still required some monstrous power behind the armor.

That axe might be rimmed with seastone… I'll have to keep an eye out for it. Miss Goldenweek, your sacrifice will not be in vain. But for now… he'll have to regroup with the Mister Five team.

No, Mister Five went ahead to retrieve Princess Vivi. Calling them back for his mistake would be embarrassing. Out of schedule or not, he'll have to go through with the plan alone. He'll have a lot more to do without Miss Goldenweek's colours, but it shouldn't be too hard to do hit and run tactics.

"Huh? I have a feeling I've seen this tree with vines before…"

Mister Three turns around, baffled to find a green-haired, three-sword-wielding moron standing right by a tree, lugging a huge triceratop behind him like one would a sack of uninteresting goods.

Okay. Stroke of luck.

With an ol' tap-and-bash over the head and a single Candle Lock to the feet, he'd nabbed himself one target.

The giants were battling. The lack of bloodshed wasn't a nice sign.

"The Mister Five team screwed up the drink spiking, didn't they? Knew we couldn't count on them…" he mutters, irritated.

He waits a beat.

Then, "oh, Miss Goldenweek isn't here to call out my hypocrisy," he notes dryly. Then, "anyways." Encapsulating the swordsman in a wax pit to make sure he doesn't run off, Mister Three makes a break for the giants' battle.

And when Dory the Blue Ogre isn't looking, he slips a puzzle of wax under the giant's feet, just enough to make him lose his footing and tilter backward. Brogy the Red Ogre doesn't notice the interference-- only the mistake.

The resulting slash through the face was a very exhilarating sight.

"Ah, Sanji, welcome back," Gin says.

Sanji looks over the cooked meat and bones by the shore, as well as the shoddily-skinned carcass that was probably done by a total caveman-- just looking at it and all the leftover ruined meat made his skin crawl-- he determines that something happened while he was gone.

Usopp probably didn't do that (despite being blind, he was great at this detailed work, the larger the meat was, the better he butchered.) So was it Gin? Nah, the bandages are pretty clean.

So, "did we get a guest?" he reckons. Gin's miserable noise of response confirmed his suspicions. "Will they be staying for dinner?"

"I sure fucking hope not," Gin mutters, leaning over the edge of the boat. Then he sees the haul that Sanji brought along, "you seriously caught something that huge on your own? Butcher it before you get up here."

"Yeah, yeah."

Then, silence.

"Where's Usopp?"

"I'm here," Usopp lowers himself down by the anchor's rope, his bag by his side, his walking stick clutched under his arm. "Didn't you see what just happened with the giants? I'm going to head out and see if they need medical attention."

Kinoko calls out obediently from his head, a wing raised like a greeting.

There's a moment of silence.

Gin and Sanji do a simultaneous double take, "oh hell no you aren't!" they exclaim. Sanji groans, "I thought we agreed that burnt meat stays on the ship?"

"I'm better off than Gin, and we can't exactly skimp on manpower when we're dealing with enemies here," Usopp explains, raising his walking stick as a statement. "Plus, Brogy gave us some food. It's warrior's code to help them out in return."

Sanji had a lot more complaints to give, but he let it go.

"How are you gonna get back?" he asks, belatedly realizing how parental that fucking sounded and regretting it entirely.

Usopp just smiles. "I'll meet up with Luffy and Vivi," he says. "Don't worry about me!"

To which Sanji very offendedly retorts, "I'm not worried!" in a much louder volume than necessary.

Gin mutters something incoherent from the top of the ship. "Just go if you're going," he groans, "I'll watch the ship on my own."

Usopp takes that as permission and heads on forward, giving a dismissive wave back in response. Sanji and Gin stare wordlessly as he goes.

"Why do I feel like we shouldn't be letting him go on his own into a forest of mysterious plants and enemy agents?" Sanji asks. "Oh right, he's blind." Then, "why did that seem more impairing than literally everything else in that sentence?"

"It's the sound of your sanity dying, Sanji," Gin says, like the answer was obvious, "I try not to think about it too much."

And once again came the awkward silence.

Sanji is going to lose his mind. Despite him getting along better with Gin than Zoro, Sanji never seems to be able to strike up a casual conversation that lasts with him.

"You can go look for Nami or something, you know," Gin says, as if reading the mood. "Usopp already said nothing's coming this way for a while."

"What is he, a seer now?"

Silence.

"Right," Sanji sets down the dinosaur and heads in the direction they last saw Nami go. "I hate talking to you, so I'm going now."

Gin hums as he leaves, relieved that he's finally alone.

He turns back to the storage room, inspecting the barrels. Something was wrong here-- he realized it just now, but they had been in too much of a rush to get some barrels out that he neglected to check.

Opening the lid of the barrel at the forefront, his breath holds.

Just like he'd suspected, the failsafe paper marker had been torn. He should've checked these right after Whiskey Peak, dammit.

Shit, did Usopp check the barrels before giving it to the giants? Luckily nothing happened.

There's no smell indicator-- if there was, Usopp would have noticed. But if he had to guess, these would be the bombs Usopp was talking about.

There might be more.

He stretched, careful not to jostle the tender wounds.

(Time to do a whole ship check.)

Let's just hope the rest of his crew don't die before they get back.

Luffy yelps when his fist explodes on contact.

The force of his punch does send Mister Five flying, but it's not enough to deter the major explosion that leaves scarring burns in his knuckles.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Luffy-san! I forgot to tell you," Vivi says in a fluster, holding the straw hat close to her chest. She was entrusted with it, after all, "Mister Five is a bomb human. You can't hit him directly since he'll explode!"

Luffy responds with a "say that earlier!" right before he lunges to the side, avoiding the pointed heel of a very infuriated Miss Valentine.

She sinks into the ground, leaving a crater and a cloud of dust. She clicks her tongue, frustrated. "Well aren't you a quick little monkey?"

"Gomu Gomu no…" Luffy has started winding his arms up like a spring, keeping his feet tied securely by the skull wall.

"Huh?" Valentine can't attack with a velocity unless she's launched into the air by Five's explosions, so she spends a vulnerable moment staring in confusion.

Vivi doesn't understand what Luffy's doing until she realizes his hands have grabbed onto a large dinosaur bone, three times the size of a human.

"FIDGET SPINNER!"

Vivi shrieks, ducking down as a rapidly gyrating bonemerang whooshes right past her head, taking Valentine right out before plunging in an unholy shriek toward Five, who had barely gotten up before getting pounded in again.

They are chucked into each other and then the trees, shattering trunk after trunk until it came to a stop when Luffy's rubber body ran out of wind-up.

Vivi winces at each impact.

Luffy huffs at himself, returning to his normal size with a sense of accomplishment.

"That was for Gin and the Chikuwa Ossan!" He declares. Then, "hey Chachamaru!" Carue lifts his weak head as Luffy approaches, picking him up by the wing and torso, "c'mon! I'll let you hit him last."

Luffy lifts Carue over his head, and then, he starts running at the two agents, yelling indiscriminate feral noises.

This time when Mister Five and Miss Valentine get up, groggy and horribly battered at this point, they come to face a half-burned boy carting around a giant duck, charging right at them.

Vivi stares incredulously.

Both Luffy and Carue are enraged, fiercely gnashing teeth and snarling like absolute beasts as they chase the two terrified agents in circles.

Mister Five and Miss Valentine are actually scrambling away, which, in another situation, Vivi may burst out laughing. But now, she can't do anything but stare in a deadpan, her heart conflicted by the anticlimactic outcome.

"Hey, Igaram?" Vivi monologues, "it's been a few days since I went off without you. Unfortunately the next time we meet, I may no longer retain my sanity. I pray you will tell the country that I fought bravely until the end."

She wants to go home. Like, screw the rebellion, she just wants her papa right now. This is so stupid.

"Wha--" she lifts her head. "Where are you going, Luffy-san? Carue!"

It seemed Mister Five and Miss Valentine were making their way into their forest, suspiciously in the direction of where Dory and Brogy had been fighting.

Come to think of it, she hoped they were alright.

"I'm going too!" she hurries over, "hey, let's not get separated! Luffy-san!"

"Seriously, they worry so much for nothing," Usopp mutters, "I know it's a forest, but it's not like I've never been here before."

Sure, the surroundings change in years and he hasn't literally been here blind before-- but it's no big deal. Kinoko will warn him of his surroundings, he can sense animals, and his walking stick will take care of everything else.

Kinoko snores, and Usopp sighs.

Probably.

He sets a hand on the tree to his side, a finger scraping against the bark. It leaves a faint dust on his hands, and he rolls it around his palm for a moment before gathering that it might be wax, dried and chipped.

But he can't feel Mister Three nearby. He's pretty far off, where the giants are.

(Luffy and VIvi are headed that way as well. They're going to meet, so Usopp should hurry on. Nami is… with Miss Goldenweek? Sanji is headed somewhere as well. Huh, where's Zoro? How did that guy get so lost Usopp can't sense him?)

Kinoko suddenly cawks, alarmed.

Usopp flinches back, but his foot falls with a wet squelch.

"What, did I step in poop?" he asks. It doesn't stink, so it isn't. He looks down and-- oh no, why is everything white here? There's only one thing that can be this white in the jungle--

He can't move his foot.

Fuck.

"Kinoko!" he scolds.

The bird yelps, afraid, flying a little closer to ascertain the situation. Of course, poor birdie has no idea what's going on, so when the wax moves, she shrieks, gaining distance as quickly as she can.

He jabs his walking stick into the white blur, but it just sinks in, as if swallowed by quicksand.

Sentient wax traps that will capture anything that steps on it, huh. Usopp couldn't sense a thing-- and that's the nature of Paramecias, to be honest. Easy to deal with if you know what you're dealing with, but if you don't, you lose, because unlike Zoans, you don't know what to expect, and unlike Logia, Haki isn't a surefire.

"Nami's gonna be mad at me again," he mutters. Whatever. "Kinoko, head back to the ship. I'll be fine, don't get caught too."

Kinoko hesitates, her voice fluctuating with worry, but she eventually leaves.

Usopp can't move. Can he break the wax?

He attempts to reach in with an Armament-coated fist, but the wax just eats it up, too. Dammit, can't do anything unless it's solid, huh? Paramecia is annoying.

Nothing to do but wait for Mister Three to show up, then. Usopp sits down and broods. He just assured them he would be fine, and here he is.

"Man, Sanji is never gonna let me live this one down."

Later, when they're pulled onto a huge candle cake with a spinning pumpkin at the top (or so Mister Three's helpful description goes,) Usopp finds himself beside a similarly embarrassed and infuriated Zoro, and their feet are solidly secured in wax.

"Where's your bird?"

"Vacation."

"What?"

Brogy and Dory are beside them as well, the former secured in layers of wax and the latter fallen, severely injured. It's the same situation as last time, except Usopp's the one in the statue, and Mister Three is alone here when the pumpkin starts spinning.

(Seriously, where's Mister Five, Miss Valentines, Luffy, Carue, and Vivi? Mister Three isn't supposed to do all this already. Can't people stick to the script? Have some consideration for tie travellers just trying to do their shit around here!)

(Anyways.)

(Did getting beat up by Nami (he's been going on about how he wasn't beat up by her for a while now) really hurt his ego so much?)

His bag, where all his ammo is, is also confiscated, so he has nothing to light a fire with.

"Seriously, how did you fall for that trap?" Zoro asks, incredulous after hearing the story.

Usopp snaps right back, "speak for yourself, three swords losing to a candle head with a hairstyle that literally spells three on his head."

"I was ambushed okay-- wait a fucking minute , how did you know exactly how his stupid hair looked?"

Usopp doesn't answer that. Out of spite. "Look at us," he instead says, "we're the damsels in distress of this arc now. Can you believe this?"

Zoro absolutely isn't pouting. "I'm not a damsel."

Usopp scoffs, "what's the opposite of a damsel in distress? Mansels in distress? Dudes in distress? Distressed dudes?"

"Can we get away from the 'distress' part already?"

"Why? Are you distressed by it?"

Miss Goldenweek sighs.

She did not expect this woman to cut right through Mister Three's Candle House like butter. Nor did she expect her to shatter the ground underneath with an axe. That is not how bladed weapons worked, last she learned.

Now the Cat Burglar had the little girl hooked back over the shoulder, unsuspecting of anything.

People always looked down on her, being tiny and unsuspecting and unexpressive as she appeared-- but she wouldn't be an Officer Agent if she didn't have a hidden knife in her paintbrush to take off a few fingers when she was caught.

Miss Goldenweek manages to grab her largest brush before being captured, clutching it to her chest. She stayed as stiff as she could. That was how a frightened child would act, right.

Her bag was held in the Cat Burglar's other (metal) arm, casually over two fingers on the strap like it wasn't a ton of weight or anything. That was honestly terrifying.

The Cat Burglar had a metal arm-- that's the biggest threat.

One punch from this woman and a concussion was guaranteed. That would be inconvenient.

But her other side-- the hand holding onto Goldenweek-- is completely flesh, which means they were on equal grounds in that regard. So if Goldenweek were to strike, she would have to go for this one.

"Goldenweek-chan," Nami says, and the girl makes the mistake of flinching in surprise. "We're almost there, so wait a little, okay? No stabby stabby."

Did she just say that with a straight face?

She definitely knows this brush is a hidden knife. She wouldn't make that suggestion if she didn't know. Okay. Her cover is blown, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost.

What an annoyance.

Cat Burglar isn't taking away the brush, but any suspicious movement and she'll most probably get judo-thrown over the head-- if she's lucky. Any veteran would break her neck immediately.

But the Cat Burglar isn't doing any of that.

That must be because they still have a use for her-- as a hostage? How meaningless. Or are they just softies and don't want to kill a child? Then she should keep the harmless act up.

(Stay calm, that's what Goldenweek does best. She was in this theme to balance out Mister Three's overly readable emotions and antics, after all.)

"Don't need to think so much," the Cat Burglar says with a casual chuckle, and Miss Goldenweek tenses up once more. "We're not going to hurt you or anything."

(Lies.)

Miss Goldenweek is going to-- has to-- kill the Cat Burglar. If she doesn't strike now, she'll lose any chance she has-- but what is this confidence?

Why is the Cat Burglar so blatantly confident?

Everything in Miss Goldenweek's head was telling her that this was the perfect chance to strike, and yet-- every instinct in her being was warning her that if she struck now-- she wouldn't win.

She didn't know which to trust-- her instincts, or her experience.

"You're not planning something back there, are you?"

Miss Goldenweek doesn't move. Her expressions haven't changed at all, still stuck in the stoical poker face she was cultivated to maintain.

"Of course not, miss," she says, her voice stoical, "I can't even move well. How could I be planning anything of worth against you?"

"Heh," the Cat Burglar considers, her tone unreadable. "I see."

Miss Goldenweek knows the Cat Burglar doesn't believe her. But that's fine-- because if the older woman tries anything, Miss Goldenweek will be prepared to strike.

It's not time to fight yet.

Patience will pay off.

Nami follows the route toward the giants, coming to a clearing to hear loud obnoxious exposition going on while Brogy sobbed into the ground, knives planted into his palms in place of shackles, seemingly a punishment for attempting to escape.

Mister Three is in the middle of his loud speech about his magnificent candle statue thing when Mister Five and Miss Valentine burst out of the forest in terrified screams, a rabid shrieking Luffy and Carue hot on their heels.

"GET AWAY! I SAID GET AWAY!"

"Why are we the ones getting chased?!"

There's a hasty reload and fire of a breath gun, and when six explosions go off, Luffy emerges from the smoke, unharmed aside from louder screaming and slightly more charred clothes this time.

"Oh no he's coming faster! Mister Five, your aim sucks!"

"No, I'm not missing! Is he just ignoring the explosions?"

Mister Three gawks. "What are you two doing?" he exclaims, "why have you not dealt with that brat? And where's the princess, you useless bunch?"

"How about YOU try dealing with this savage monkey!" came an offended retort.

At this point, all eyes are exasperatedly following the three (bird four) stooges as they scamper around in desperate back and forths.

"What are those idiots doing?" Zoro asks.

"Zoro, I literally don't know," Usopp retorts.

Nami groans when she catches sight of their sniper on the candle cake. Why on earth is he up there? Like, Zoro probably just repeated history, but Usopp, you are a New World level pirate and you're playing around?

(The pumpkin is already spinning. They don't have much time.)

A distance away, Vivi is peeking out warily from the jungle with Luffy's hat in her hands. Nami doesn't spot her first-- Miss Goldenweek does.

Nami yelps when a sharp pain digs into her forearm, dropping Miss Goldenweek in alarm.

Nami recovers, trying to back away-- but to her own horror, she can't move. Looking down, a Black symbol lines underfoot, and a red symbol marks the bark of a tree before her.

Miss Goldenweek lands on the ground in a huff, a paintbrush between her teeth as she brandishes her largest brush-- revealing a hidden blade that Nami had already noticed before.

Nami curses, but she's surprised when nothing comes out of her own mouth.

She's left frozen, physically unable to tear her gaze away from the red symbol on the tree-- Miss Goldenweek dashes to the right, toward Vivi-- with the large brush blade in her hand.

(No, no, no.)

(That isn't supposed to happen.)

(Why are the symbols working on Nami now, when it didn't before? Why can't she move? She needs to go warn Vivi, right now--)

(Fight it. Fight-- Why can't she break free from this one?)

Black is under her feet. Betrayal Black-- isn't this the one that's selective and dependent on having allies around to turn against? There's no one around for Nami to defy, so what is making her unable to move?

Ah, that's it.

She's being willed to betray her own thoughts.

Shit.

(She lets her Haki spike, and spike, and spike a little more in sheer frustration.)

(Nami had underestimated her opponent, and now she's stuck, useless, unable to even verbally call for help.)

(What an oversight.)

"VIVI!" Usopp raises his voice, snapping Nami right back into reality. "Beside you!"

Miss Goldenweek charges forth, and though Vivi swirls around in alarm, she doesn't manage to shield herself in time before the spear-like brush swings upward, tearing her forearm apart with the sleeves, leaving a large gash.

Vivi falls back with a pained howl, landing harshly on her uninjured arm and the straw hat she was clutching. Luffy turns, finally realizing her predicament-- "hey, Vivi!"

Miss Goldenweek stands before the princess, spear before her face to prevent further resistance.

"Ah, Miss Goldenweek! What took you so long?"

"Vivi! What's wrong?" Luffy lifts his head, finally dropping Carue to pay attention. He gathers the situation-- and stretches out an arm, looping an arm around Vivi (Miss Goldenweek freezes, not expecting that,) to drag her right back to his side.

Mister Five and Miss Valentine huff in annoyance, dusting themselves off as they rejoined MIster Three. Miss Goldenweek returns to where Nami had been to retrieve her bag before convening with the rest of her team in the center of the field.

"What the-- that's some freaky hair! It's a three!" Luffy gawks at the man, "it's on fire!"

"Be quiet, brat!" Catching sight of the direction Miss Goldenweek had come from, he asks, "what's with the Cat Burglar?"

There's a slight bit of hope in his tone-- if she's under Miss Goldenweek's spell, perhaps...

"Can't use her," Miss Goldenweek explains, to Mister Three's disappointment. She sits down, retrieving some senbei from her bag's pocket. "Leaving her there is the safest option."

"What are you doing?" Mister Three asks, incredulous. Just when he'd thought Miss Goldenweek was being active for once!

"Setting up a picnic," is her very obvious answer. Because duh? "I am tired. Would you like some tea with me, Miss Valentine?"

"Oh, of course!" she's overjoyed. "Do you have anything sweet? Oh, mochi. Dibs!"

"Take this seriously!" Mister Five snaps, "what is wrong with you two?!"

Carue, who has finally gotten up, nudges worriedly at Vivi. Luffy retrieves his straw hat, planting it back onto his head. Vivi stands up shakily, hand held tightly on her bleeding wound as she tears off her coat sleeve to make a temporary bandage.

(Miss Goldenweek had ambushed her-- it wasn't a deep wound, but Vivi knows-- if she wanted to, she would have killed Vivi there. But she hesitated, only injuring to incapacitate because the mission was to capture . Vivi is lucky to have escaped.)

"Hey, Luffy, where'd you come from?" Zoro voices his question, "why're you so burned? Is everyone trying to be Gin today?"

"Oh, Zoro and Usopp! And the giant guy, too," Luffy brightens up at the sight of them. "Huh? Usopp, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, long story."

"Okay," like it was nothing new, "are you guys in trouble or something?"

To which Zoro replies, his face half solidified by wax particles, "no, not particularly."

"Wha-- Mister Bushido, that doesn't look like nothing to me!" Vivi runs up to them, "what's going on? Oh--" she looks over the situations and ascertains it pretty quickly, "are you turning into wax statues, perchance?"

"I mean, yeah," Usopp shrugs, "oh. Vivi, you're a princess so you might know-- what's the masculine form of 'damsel'?"

"Are we still on that fucking thing?!" Zoro snaps.

Vivi stares incredulously for a moment before she actually starts thinking. "Uh… bachelors, I believe? Uhm, do we not have more pressing matters?"

"What could be more pressing than not having a punchline, Vivi?" he says, the picture of an absolutely serious man. "What should we do? Bachelors in distress don't sound as funny as I'd hope it would be."

Vivi buries her face into her hands. Why does she ever bother with this crew?

Usopp crouches down, though. "Nami is southeast of here and she needs help," he whispers, tilting his head a little to the right-- Vivi spots a long green slingshot. There's a faintly blinking light near the hilt, a little red dot flickering on and off at set intervals. "Think you can get that to me?"

Vivi immediately clamps her lips shut.

In an instant, Usopp had switched from dumb jokes right into an active mindset. He had ascertained the situation, and was setting up the stage for his next move.

(The slingshot, she could guess-- the light was there to be spotted easily. Usopp could still see colours, after all. But how did he know where Nami was?)

"We'll leave this to you guys then," Zoro says, directing his question toward his captain. "Hurry up now. I need some booze."

"Oh, sure," Luffy says, flexing an arm, "food, too!"

"Not so fast!" Mister Three declares, immediately snapping back into battle and attention. A lob of wax is shot in his direction, locking his legs together. "Candle Lock!"

In the distraction, Vivi lunges to the side, dashing for the Kabuto on the ground. Without thinking much of it, she grabs it-- and, like a javelin, tosses it high over in the direction of the tower. Zoro snatches the slingshot out of the air with ease.

Then, Vivi continued running.

Carue dashes in the other direction, catching sight of Nami from afar and quacking in alarm. The rest of the agents don't let it slip past their sight. Mister Five pursues the bird, and Miss Valentine goes for Vivi.

"You don't have ammo, what's the point of that?" Zoro asks as he hands Usopp his Kabuto.

And sure enough, upon realizing there were explosives in Usopp's bag, Mister Three had it sealed in a wax cube somewhere. There was no way Usopp was getting any oil or fire from there anymore.

Usopp turns his Kabuto around and reveals a hidden compartment hidden in the build of the rod. Inside, there were about half a dozen pachinko pellets.

"I have spares, of course," he says. Nothing that can cause an explosion, though.

He loads one bullet up, and takes aim for something in the distance. Directly ahead of him, there are trees-- and

"Help me, Zoro," he says, oddly serious. "How many meters am I from the tree right ahead? How hard should I pull this string, to reach it?"

Zoro frowns at that. "It's behind two other trees, and about five steps into the trail. About three hundred meters in, but since the angle's down, I'd add thirty degrees down to your aim," he says, then, "I don't know about the wind resistance or anything-- but if you want it to reach, you'd need enough strength to toss two tons fifty."

Zoro's measurements are mostly indecipherable, and mostly based on personal opinion. But strangely enough, they sound mathematical somehow.

Usopp adjusts his aim, stretches back the sling just a little, and breathes in.

(He's the sharpshooter, after all. Every gun has its own quirks-- his crewmembers are the same. What kind of sniper would he be if he still hasn't mastered them all?)

"There are leaves in the way, Usopp," Zoro warns him. "It's not going to hit-- what are you even trying to do, anyways?"

"Thanks," he says, then pulls back a little further. "Zoro, sometimes, if you can hit nothing, you'll become capable of hitting anything."

Zoro freezes at that. It sounded familiar-- but he couldn't place it.

"Let me show you," a faint yellow light gleams in his arm, pulling strength from his elbows, and coating the lead ball in a sheen of pure black. "The power of the Armament."

He releases.

The ball jets through the air, velocity curling through the forage with just a little shove, never breaking the leaves.

It hits the forecenter of the tree trunk-- barreling in with a deep, caving force-- before a shattering crack breaks through layers of wood-- and the pachinko ball eats through the trunk, plunging right into and through it.

From his spot, Zoro's jaw drops.

The simple, untampered lead ball had drilled a large hole ten times its size into the trunk of an ancient, huge tree-- it didn't make it fully through, but the crater took away half its girth. The tree creaks, unstable-- and begins to fall forward.

The tree was tall-- insanely, tall.

Carue notices it first, and with a line of very quick thinking, he squawks out in resolve, leading his chaser, Mister Five, right into the fall zone of the large timber.

He huffs proudly when it works , Mister Five busying prepping another load of his breath bullets when the tree takes him by surprise.

"Ooh, Chachamaru, you won!" Luffy celebrates, arms up and cheering.

Carue grins smugly at that. Because of course he won! He's only the fastest super spot-billed duck of Alabasta, after all. If he could speak he would be declaring, worship me and apologize for all former disrespect, you mere human!

Then Luffy, because he's busy clapping, forgets that the tree is still falling and gets squashed as well. There's a dying yelp before the strawhat-wearing captain disappears under the century-old tree trunk.

Celebration abruptly stops.

Carue bursts out laughing, and there's a series of exasperated looks from those around, including a very exasperated Mister Three.

"What happened?" Usopp asks.

"You just killed our captain," Zoro remarks dryly.

Usopp blinks at that. Then, "reigning champion of mutiny leaderboard, the Great Usopp," he raises his Kabuto like a pro-wrestler would a golden belt. "Awaiting new challengers."

"Hey, the Great Usopp," Zoro deadpans, "stop screwing around. Teach me that."

"Well, I guess we don't have anything better to do now while we're turning to wax," Usopp says, seeing Zoro draw a sword. "Oh. Brogy," he calls, "any tips on learning Armament Haki?"

"Huh? Oh, right," is Brogy's primary comment. He can't really see well, one eye completely coated in wax. "But I learned it so long ago, I don't remember how I got there anymore." Then he laughs. "Just try your best, swordsman!'

Captives should not be so nonchalant, nor should they be literally having a training session to while away time, but if Miss Goldenweek had any opinions about it, she sure didn't voice any of them.

Mister Five is, as checked by a poking duck foot, unconscious. So one enemy cleared. Carue, deciding it's time to go back to serious mode, (he's so braggin this to minier bird later,) scouts out the area for his princess.

"...is that your sword I'm hearing?" Usopp asks, reaching around to ascertain that Zoro is lifting his blade to the sky, like some sort of pose.

"Oh, don't mind me. It's just that, if I'm turning into a wax statue anyways, I wanna be in this position," he says.

A moment.

"Wait, you can hear the Wado Ichimonji?"

"Gimme a moment, Zoro, I need to decide on my pose before my arms harden."

"Why are you two so nonchalant?!" Mister Three exclaims, completely baffled. Now that Luffy is squashed and isn't chasing him, he's back before the candle tower to watch his wax figures take form. "Be terrified!"

"Hm, maybe this pose would be fine," Usopp raises his slingshot in a cool shooting motion, "this doesn't work if I can't move my legs to crouch down a little. Maybe the Sogeking pose--"

"Whatever, can you explain the hearing thing already? I can only hear Kitetsu. Is that part of the Haki thing?"

"They're ignoring you, Mister Three," Miss Goldenweek helpfully informs.

"I know!" Mister Three snaps. He breaks into exhausted tears, "hey, did I perhaps pick the wrong people to be hostages?"

"Miss Nami! Miss Nami?" Vivi takes the girl by the shoulders, looking back hurriedly to find Miss Valentine almost catching up, "what's wrong?"

Nami isn't speaking. She's staring straight, visibly frustrated-- at a red sign on the tree.

"Miss Goldenweek's--!" Vivi barely lifts her uninjured arm up in time to shoulder a heeled kick from Miss Valentine. The blade along the stiletto scrapes sharply against the Seastone bracelet, parrying off with a sharp screech.

Vivi is unharmed.

(The seastone bracelet was harder than steel?)

"That's one interesting bracelet you have" Miss Valentine says, amusedly lifting a heeled foot. She clicks her tongue, knowing now that the bracelet was impenetrable. "You're not behaving, princess. But I'll have that bracelet once we capture you."

She charges forth again, and Vivi panics. She can't defeat her on her own!

Red paint, black paint-- it's Miss Goldenweek's doing. What do the strange symbols mean? Vivi doesn't know what that agent's powers really are, but-- without thinking, she turns her back against Miss Valentine, and heads for Nami.

Helping Nami is priority right now.

Without thinking twice, Vivi draws from a bottle of perfume in her pocket. Her injured arm unable to do much, she plucks it open with her teeth, hastily tossing it forward, splashing it wildly in Nami's direction and then the tree, hoping to hit a bit of the symbols and hoping the viscosity was enough to wash off the paint.

"No pesky tricks!"

Vivi turns around to see a blade inches from her eye.

A cold, clunky arm drags her back, wrapping around her shoulders and tugging her off her feet and toward a warm body. Vivi squeezes her eyes shut, and a spin of wind breezes past her ears.

There's a loud scream-- Miss Valentine's-- and a dull clunk, of blunt impact.

"Now now. I can't have you harming our delivery package now. Don't you know damaged goods get price deductions in the receipt?"

Vivi opens her eyes. She was by Nami's side, held securely in the navigator's solid steel arm. She held her Clima Tact in her other hand, pointed forward.

(Vivi barely remembers to be offended by the damaged goods remark.)

Miss Valentine was on the ground, a heel broken and bleeding from the head, her hat having been knocked off by what had most possibly been a section of the long baton.

"Thanks, Vivi," Nami says, "Miss Goldenweek's circles have hypnotic powers. See the next chance, yell that out so we don't get stuck like me again."

"Okay," Vivi says, her voice still stunted by her awkward position.

Carue comes up behind them with a resolved quack, to which Nami gestures for Vivi to get on and "get somewhere safe."

Vivi honestly doesn't know a safer spot right now than within these arms, and she feels a little reluctant to part from it. (That was an embarrassing thought. She will not say that out loud.)

"A-alright," Vivi decides it's not time to have a internal gay panic. "Carue! Get back to the candle cake, we need to find out how to save Mister Bushido and the others."

Miss Valentine hisses as Vivi escapes, but Nami is quick to shut her up, picking up her battle axe in the corner, disassembling her Clima Tact, and stepping closer until she's almost directly above the officer agent.

"Now," Nami rests the axe on her shoulders, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "You've been a bad girl, I heard. How shall we deal with you?"

Miss Valentine shrinks. "Uhm," she whimpers, like she's just remembered why they didn't want to fight Cat Burglar Nami, "I'm sorry?"

And no one ever heard of Miss Valentine again.

Sanji turns around when he hears the sound of a loud shriek.

"Huh," he realizes, but turns his focus back to the tea before him. It's nice and cosy in this unfortunately only half-standing candle house. "Well, whatever."

Then he wonders if it's time to enjoy tea right now.

"That might've been a woman," he decides, opening the door of the building with only half the amount of standing walls it needs and exiting normally, "they might need Prince Charming to save them. I should hurry."

"Purupurupuru…"

He turns around to the Den Den Mushi on the table.

It continues to ring as he approaches it, noticing the Mr.0 emblazoned on the side of the shell. He watches it for another ring before abruptly deciding he should pick it up.

The man on the other side doesn't speak first. That means they're expecting an address, and a quick one, or they'll probably hang up.

"Hello, this is the Shitty Restaurant, may we take your fucking order?"

Oops.

"Stop screwing around. You're overdue on the report, Mister Three."

A low voice. A man's, shaky in the way that means it's gone through some sort of voice alteration. Judging from the extra devices on this snail, Sanji supposes it's the same.

(Oh, Mister Zero, you sure remind me of assassination classes in Germa.)

No, no, let's not call it that.

"Oh! Mister Zero, of course, of course. My bad, we ran into some complications," he says. Judging from this house, the tea, and the drawings on the table-- this Mister Three guy is not the bomb planter, and in contrast, he's probably much more lackadaisical, and much more minimalistic than Miss Valentine.

(In his head, he profiles the information, and acts accordingly.

"I didn't ask for small talk," Mister Zero was curt, "what is your status? Have you eliminated the targets or not?"

A no-nonsense superior. Should he speak seriously? No.

"Ah, yes, of course!" Sanji feigns cheerfulness, leaning back nonchalantly. "Those who know of your secret are no more. There is no need for further pursuit."

"I see, good work. The Unluckies are headed your way now," okay, gotten past the hard part. "Once they confirm the success of the mission, they'll hand you an Eternal Pose to Alabasta. Head to the destination with Miss Goldenweek immediately…"

(The Unluckies? What's that again?)

What follows is a long explanation to await further orders at Spiders Cafe, wherever that was. Sanji turns his head to see a polka-dotted otter and a sunglasses-wearing vulcan standing by the rubble of the fallen wall.

The strangely-dressed otter picks up a claw-lined shell, and Sanji stares.

"Well, that's one weird fuckin' dog."