Hey guys, sorry if there are any mistakes in this but ive been trying to edit it all night and each time i do, I have micronaps. I am so tired now that i can barely read a line without nodding off, so please ignore any weird mistakes. This is a really long chapter and Im sorry for that too, but would love to hear what you think of what's all going down! 3
Olivia couldn't go back to sleep and it bothered her – all she wanted to do was to sleep for the four hours before she had to get ready for her morning shift.
She and Trevor had stayed up long after Noah had gone to bed discussing their plans for the upcoming weekend that they were spending together. Noah was beyond excited for Trevor's birthday and every night he was working on a scrap book for his gift.
Olivia tried to wake Trevor up without physically making him wake up.
She hated waking up before him; the thrill of seeing him excited her enough not to be able to waste any time together by sleeping.
She sidled up to him and felt him stir slightly. She eased down beneath the blankets and kissed his chest all the way down, trying to wake him up below.
"Good morning…" he whispered sleepily.
"Good morning," Olivia replied, all about business – on a mission.
"Baby…. What are you…?" his voice trailed off as he lifted the blanket and looked down at her and couldn't but to smile a weary smile.
He chuckled deeply from the back of his throat. She loved the morning bass to his voice, it was incredibly sexy to her.
She smiled right back at him. She let her hand smooth over his instant-erection. She inserted her thumbs in to the elastic of his trunks and pulled them down. He lifted his backside, allowing her to pull them down his thighs.
"Oh shit…." He whispered.
"You better keep it down," she replied playfully, taking his erection in her hand,. He sighed and let his head sink back in to the pillow. He couldn't remember a single time in his life where he'd been woken up by a blowjob – and it wasn't even his birthday yet.
He felt the warm cavern of her mouth covering the head of his penis. He felt her tongue swirling around him, flicking against him. He rested his hand on top of her crown, she felt a weird feeling come over her at the feel of his hand, but the fear of him trying to do anything untoward disappeared the second she felt his fingers softly raking through her dark hair.
She explored him with her hands, squeezing his thighs. She planted open mouthed kisses down his shaft, letting her hands take over.
"What a nice surprise, first thing in the morning," he murmured as he felt her tongue flick over him again
He went to liquid beneath her and let out a low groan without meaning to. Olivia glanced up at him and saw him clap his hand over his mouth. She almost laughed against him. Instead, she flicked her tongue again, sending a little jolt through him.
His hips began to writhe beneath her and she could feel how close he was coming.
She slid her hands beneath his ass giving his flesh a squeeze. She lifted her face briefly to see his eyes fall shut and his jaw clenched in a hard line. "oh my goodness…" he breathed with restraint.
She gave his thighs a squeeze again. "I'm about to come, you better either stop or…"
She didn't stop.
He reached down, running his fingertips along her face. She always found it a gentle gesture that he thought of her despite being deep in the throes of his own passion.
She held on to his hips to stop him from moving around too much but recognized his entire body tensing as he took a handful of her hair, careful not to pull. She felt the warm fluid in her mouth and took a second to swallow it. She gave him a second and felt him relax. She chuckled, surprising him by running her tongue over him, his sensitivity made him jolt.
"Ooh shit, honey, no…" he laughed, "it's too much." He reached for her hand, "Come here…" he whispered. "Why are you so extra this morning?" he asked with a smile.
Olivia shrugged smugly. "Couldn't sleep, I wanted to wake you up too," she admitted. He kissed her passionately, taking her cheeks in his hands as she straddled him.
He grinned at her, pulling away, wide-awake. "You are the most beautiful," he replied. "What about this man of yours, what if he wants to gift his beautiful girlfriend with something to give her day a bit of a kick start?" he wondered as if it was merely a thought.
She visibly shivered. He took it as a yes. He rolled her on to her back. "The door…" she whispered, nodding at it, "it's not locked."
Trevor let Olivia wait while he got up and locked it and slid back in to bed. He started to laugh realizing that she'd removed all of her clothes in the half a second it took him to get up.
He lay beside her, he rested his hand against her tummy and found his way to her breast, gently caressing her until she shut her eyes. He planted a soft kiss on her upper arm, loving how free she was with him. He had considered that maybe it would take awhile to get her to get an unconditional version of her – but he could see that her guard had come down and she was purely herself with him.
Olivia's back arched slightly. She reached for him, encircling her arms around his neck to pull her body closer. She kissed his lips, letting his mouth part and finding his tongue a little anxiously.
Trevor's hand fell away from her breast and traveled south to her thighs, squeezing them and teasing her by running his hand between her legs and moving it away just as quickly. He reached around to her backside, enjoying the feel of her body squirming at his exploring hands.
She moaned softly in to his mouth. He broke off the kiss and reached for her hands around his neck, breaking them apart. "Better not make any noise," he warned her as he caressed her hair for the second, "because I'm about to put my mouth all over you…" he added. He searched her eyes, allowing her a second to let his words sink in, knowing that the thought of him going down on Olivia was a huge turn on.
"Let's not waste time talking about it…" she replied. Trevor grinned and kissed his way between her breasts. They were small, soft kisses at first but turned quickly in to long, lingering ones. His mouth covered her flesh until he reached her thighs. He went a little further, tossing the blanket roughly out of his way. He made his way down her legs to her knees causing her to try hard to contain her laughter.
He made his way back up to her thighs. Feeling his tongue run along her center, Olivia grabbed a handful of the bed sheets knowing that she was in for it.
He could hear her softly gasping as he explored her with his warm, soft tongue that instantly ignited a fire throughout her entire body. She trembled beneath him, enjoying every part of it. "Fuck, that feels amazing…" she hissed at him.
Trevor loved to tease her.
He lifted his head and kissed inside her thighs and around them, leaving her writhing more with anticipation to get back to where he had been.
He knew she wouldn't get angry or make any certain demands while she was trying so hard to keep quiet. He drew closer and closer back to her apex.
His mouth covered her again, finally.
She felt his tongue once again plunging inside of her, exploring her. She felt herself holding her breath. She let go and began to breathe hard again, letting a soft whimper of pleasure from the back of her throat.
She felt a tremor quake through her body when his tongue hit her clitoris. She heard him laughing at her reaction. "Baby, I wanna come…" she announced.
"So do it," he replied, flicking his tongue over that spot that made her crazy.
Olivia had always found it hard to completely let go of her inhibitions during sex; she had a lot of reservations in her heart but with Trevor she managed to shrug any underlying feelings away and relaxed back in to the same pillow Trevor had sank in to when she was waking him up.
His tongue worked a little faster, taking the hard bead of nerve endings between his lips, brushing his tongue back and forth against it until the sensation built in the pit of Olivia's stomach – one that made her dizzy and gave her a euphoric tingle throughout her body.
She felt a flood of sensations hit all at once as she came hard. He steadied her thighs and continued to swipe his tongue over her, tasting every bit of her as her orgasm started to wear off.
Once Olivia had somewhat calmed, he kissed his way slowly up her stomach again until he planted a kiss on her cheeks and sank down beside her.
She was breathless and warm and felt entirely spent. He sensed it and rested beside her for a few moments. "Need a second to catch your breath?" he asked.
She nodded with a smile. She reached for his hand and laced her fingers in his and inched closer, needing some contact. He cuddled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Good morning," he greeted her.
"Good morning," she chuckled.
"I should get up and have a shower before Noah's wakes up." He announced.
Olivia agreed.
"Okay, I'll have a shower then you can have one and I'll get breakfast ready before Lucy comes to take Noah to school."
"Thank you, my heart," she smiled. Trevor had figured that sometimes it was hard for Liv to get her son motivated enough to be up and ready to go by the time she was. He lingered and sometimes cried and hated waking up in the morning if he hadn't woken up by himself.
She often didn't get the time to shower or to spend time on her own appearance.
"You know, I can take Noah to school if you like…" he offered.
"No thanks, it's okay, it's already organized with Lucy, but … you're staying tonight right?" she wanted to know.
"Sure," he smiled, loving that it was inferred.
"Well, I have a day shift starting at 6 tomorrow, maybe you could help me out then if you wanted."
"Of course," he smiled.
"Olivia," he sounded relieved that she answered her cell. She leaned back in to her office chair and responded.
"Yeah, Hi Detective," she greeted him, trying to ignore that the last time they had spoken they'd left things a little awkwardly.
She got the sense pretty quickly that he wasn't calling to discuss their friendship or lack thereof and she couldn't help but to feel relieved.
"I'm glad you answered. I am trying so hard to respect how you feel about this case but I need you on something, at least to speak with a mother."
"What happened?" she asked, sitting up a little straighter, hearing the urgency in his voice.
"A woman's 3 three-year-old was kidnapped and we're almost sure that there's a link to Sanchez."
Olivia suddenly felt hot all over. "El… who's the mother?" she asked, feeling like it was crazy but-
"Cindy Randwick, why?" he asked.
"Nothing…" she sighed, feeling relief flood her as quickly as the fear had overcome her. "Its okay, so what makes you think it Sanchez? What's the link?" she wanted to know.
"The sister used to be one of his working girls… I feel like he's starting to establish a pattern and he's trying to make a point. His last vic was Eli's age… he knows Trevor is trying to bring charges, this victim is 3, the same age as Eloise."
It startled Olivia to know that Elliot knew that much detail about Trevor's daughter, but she was proud of him to be able to put his feeling for Trevor aside and understand that it was escalating and getting serious.
"So…. What do you need from me?" she wanted to know.
"I need you to talk to the Mom, you're better at this than me, Liv, I've lost my touch at dealing with the breathers…. I know that sounds awful but this is big for me, to go back to it. I just really want to make sure we find this baby alive."
"Okay, send me through some contacts and I'll go make a visit."
"The Mom is here, Trevor is here too. We are having a meeting at 2 about the evidence. I need to convince Trevor that we have enough to bring charges now, please help me, Liv, I need your help. He's already taken someone from me and I don't want him to hurt any of you guys."
"Okay," she replied simply. "I'll come on over…"
"Thank you Olivia, I owe you."
"See you in a bit."
"Olivia?" Trevor rose an eyebrow, finding his girlfriend in the OC precinct looking over Elliot's shoulder. "What are you doing here?" she glanced up and smiled at him.
He felt irate, but was conflicted by the lightness that he felt upon noticing her smile.
"Hey," she greeted him. She always thought he looked extra gorgeous when he was fitted out in his favorite navy suit with his waist coat and his button down white shirt. She straightened up and made her way over to him. Forgetting themselves for a moment, he kissed her cheek.
He eyed her as if questioning why she was even there. "I'm about to go and speak to Chloe Randwick's mother," she told him. He frowned at her and glanced back at Elliot.
"I'm not looking at the crime scene stuff, its just… I'm good with the victims and families, when I heard it was a three-year-old…" she let her voice trail off.
"It's okay… I know what this jack ass is doing… Are you sure you're going to be okay?" he wondered, placing his hand on her lower back. She nodded as he guided her away from Elliot closer to the interview room.
"Are you sure?" he asked her when they stood in the corridor away from everyone else.
"Yes, I'm sure it's fine, Trev, I promise. It's a child, this truly matters…" she insisted. He stared her down for a moment and realized she was unflinching.
"Okay so you become her liaison officer, what if something terrible occurs and you have to break her the news, you will need to know the details, Liv. I'm worried about that…" he spoke softly. "I don't want you to struggle or see you have flash backs."
"Trev, I want to do this, okay?" she replied.
"Okay…." His voice trailed. "But if you need a break or if you need to walk away, I need you to know your limits and listen to them."
She nodded. He kissed her forehead.
She waited for Elliot to join them, Trevor sat back in the observation area. Elliot needed to give a warm handover. He opened the interview space and gestured for Olivia to walk in first. She saw the mother and instantly her heart ached for her. She could only imagine….
"Ms. Randwick," Elliot said by greeting, "sorry to keep you waiting," he gave her a weak smile.
Olivia observed the barren room. A box of tissues, an empty coffee cup, an uneaten sandwich, opened but not touched.
"I'd like you to meet Captain Olivia Benson, she has come across from the Special Victims Unit to have a talk to you today about your daughter," Elliot introduced her.
The mother looked up at Olivia, barely registering her. She had been crying, her hair was a mess and she looked as though she hadn't slept a single wink. Olivia understood what that was like. She had been in the exact same position once before with Noah.
"Hi Ms. Randwick," she greeted her using a soft tone. She pulled out a seat and sat down. She saw the woman's shaking hands and reached out, placing her hand on top of hers. "Ms. Randwick, I want to assure you that Detective Stabler and his team are doing their absolute best to bring your daughter home safe and sound."
She nodded, wiping a few stray tears. "Why are you here?" she asked, "special victims, what is that?" she dared to add.
"The Special Victims Unit deals specifically with particular cases such as crimes involving children; kidnappings, family crime – that type of thing," she explained.
"I didn't hurt my baby," she blurted out, pulling her hand from Olivia's.
"I know that," Liv replied, "We know that, but Chloe is only three and we have reason to believe that the person who took her may be known to you."
Cindy Randwick began to cry. Her body shook with tears. "I just want my little girl back home," she sobbed. Olivia got up from her chair and dragged it around to be closer to the grieving mother. She wrapped her arms around her, enveloping her, feeling the weight of the woman leaning in to her.
"We're doing our best, Ms. Randwick, I assure you, there are detectives working as we speak."
She waited for the woman to calm down. "Elliot, could you please get her a glass of water?" she asked.
He observed his ex-partner comforting the victim's mother just as she had all those years ago – nothing had changed.
He opened the door and let himself out to make his way to the water cooler.
"Why did you bring her in on this?" a voice asked angrily. It was Trevor.
Elliot whirled around and glared at him, "because she's good at what she does and I need her help."
"You have no fucking clue what she has been through, you've always been a selfish ass, Stabler, I see nothing has changed…" Trevor was angry.
"I don't care what you think," he replied, keeping calm despite feeling irate as he filled the plastic cup full of water, "Olivia can say no if she doesn't want to do this, she agreed and she's fine. Maybe just do your job and let her do hers."
"You don't know what you don't know," Trevor snapped at him, "open your damn eyes, all you care about is what you had to go through, how you missed her and your losses… Maybe ask her about hers, ask her about what's happened in her life. I'll tell you what, she's a far better person than I am, she finds the good in everyone and she must have searched fucking hard to find it in you." The ADA walked off angrily knowing that he was just inches away from blowing a fuse.
Elliot felt reproached. He knew Liv had been kidnapped but he wasn't really aware of the details. Perhaps there was a biting amount of truth to what Trevor accused him of – always thinking about himself, being caught up in his own loss and not worrying about Olivia.
He shook it off as he headed back to the interview room. He opened the door and saw that Olivia was making small talk with the mother, looking at photos of the little girl. He placed the water down in front of Randwick.
She looked up at Elliot and thanked him. The mother took the drink and slowly sipped at it.
"I have to ask a few questions that might be vital to finding your daughter, do you think we could go ahead and do that?" Olivia asked gently.
Cindy Randwick nodded and set the drink down. Olivia took a small Moleskine notebook from her blazer pocket and picked up a pen that was laying on the table.
"Alright… you mentioned to Detective Stabler that you have a younger sister, is that right?"
Cindy nodded again. "Harper, my little sister… she's on the straight and narrow as far as I know, but she had some problems."
Olivia made a few notes. "Okay and what exactly did Harper get in to when you say that she had some problems – with the law, with drugs, or just ran with the wrong kind of crowd?"
"Drugs," Cindy told her, "she had a boyfriend who I believe got her involved with drugs and she pulled away from us and then…" she breathed in, "then she got arrested for trafficking commercial quantities across the border," she explained, wiping her eyes. "Does this have anything to do with my daughter?"
"Maybe, but we would just like to explore all avenues. Do you keep in touch with Harper?" Olivia asked.
"Sometimes, she's in Jersey, we text and she comes to see Chloe every now and then –our relationship is strained."
Olivia nodded understandingly. "I don't want to be offensive when I ask this question, but I am not asking with judgment, so please be as honest as you can be – do you know if your sister was working for a pimp or was being sex trafficked at any point?"
Cindy lifted her eyes to meet Olivia's. It was as if the thought had never occurred to her. "Sometimes," Liv began, "when there are a lot of commercial drugs involved, there can be other crimes too and your sister would have been quite young, I imagine?"
Cindy nodded. "The guy she was involved with was a at least 6 or so years older, she was only 17 when she met him, it was like overnight she disappeared and was a different person."
"Do you remember his name?" Olivia pressed.
"She called him Jazz… when she got caught, he split but he was named in the trial his name was Michael Lampazzi." Olivia could tell the woman was trying so hard to focus, but she kept staring off. She knew she had to be patient, but as they all knew from other experiences, every second counted.
Olivia exchanged glances with Elliot. "Could you both excuse me?" he asked, picking up his phone as if it was ringing. "I need to take a call."
"Of course Detective," Olivia knew he was making a fast exit to go and search the contact to see if he could make a connection to Sanchez.
"Lastly, Ms. Randwick, when was the last time that you spoke with your sister?" she wondered.
"About four weeks ago… I can check my phone. She asked me for some money for a few bills but …" she paused, "I just don't have it and I am already helping out my own mother, it's tough."
"I understand; nobody can blame you for saying no. Could you do me a favor please and write down all of your sister's contact details. I'd like to just have a chat with her just so we can rule out any connection to her past."
"Why would someone from my sister's past want to hurt my child?"
"Sometimes if there is debt or other connection, gangs or individuals target someone or something that matters most to the person. Is your daughter very important to Harper?"
Cindy nodded her head. "She asks me all the time to send her photographs and videos and Chloe loves to use face time with her." Her eyes started to fill with tears as she looked at Olivia. "What if they don't find her?" she asked as the thought had just crossed her mind. "What if they hurt her?"
"Ms. Randwick please try to stay calm, I know it seems easy for me to say – but we are going to go and do our job now as best as we can. Would you like me to call someone for you? Your mother or a partner or someone?"
She shook her head. "Can I just wait here in case anything happens?"
"Let me arrange a social worker to come and have a chat with you and I'll take you out to a more comfortable lounge area, but I really would like to advise you to go home and wait to hear from us."
"I don't want to go anywhere," she began to cry again. "I want my little girl back."
"I want that for you too, come on, come with me." Olivia got up and helped the mother out of her seat and walked her out of the interview room.
"Okay do you need anything else?" Olivia asked Elliot, "I need to leave, Kat needs my eyes at another job," she told him.
"No, but I do think I have something… look," he nodded at the screen, "Michael Lampazzi has loose ties with the same gang that made Sanchez. I think I need to go and re-interview a few people to see if I can make that connection."
"Is there anything you want me to do?" she asked, trying not to invest, but it was hard when she felt akin with the mother down the hall. "I can make a few calls on the way to the job if you like. I've probably got a lot more friends than you do right now," she told him – not trying to be hurtful, but just being honest.
"Liv," he paused, "I'm sorry for being really selfish, for not asking about how things have been for you while I was gone-"
"Don't," she snapped, "I'm here for work, there is a child missing, we are not doing this now, or ever."
"Okay," he held up his hands. "If you could make some calls and let me know how you go with it."
"Great," she replied even though there was nothing great about their interchange. There was something so familiar yet strangely awkward about it all. "Call me if you get any strong leads. Have you seen Trevor?"
"Yeah, back room, he was observing the interview, I don't think he's happy that you're on this case, not that it's really his business."
She rolled her eyes, "shut your damn mouth, Elliot, you need to mind your business." She turned her heel and went to find him. She found him in a back office making a few phone calls. He waved her in and finished up.
"Hey," he greeted her. "How did it go?"
Olivia shrugged, "A distressed Mom, how do you think? I can hardly blame her."
She sank down on the edge of the chair across from him for a moment. "Are you okay?" he asked her, sensing that she was tired and was holding back her feelings.
She glanced at him, thinking about his question before she answered him, trying to be more mindful about her response rather than her usual, 'I'm fine', response. "I don't know, I can't convey the panic I felt when Elliot told me a three-year-old was taken who may have had a connection to Sanchez… and all I can think about is what he did to those girls and what he is going to do to that child-"
"We're going to find him before anything like that happens, Liv, I promise."
"I don't like your chances," she replied honestly. "I think Sanchez is a slippery son of a bitch and he'll get away with it."
"Liv, I really don't think you should be working on this case at all. It wasn't fair of Elliot to ask you to help after you were clear and I can already tell it's affecting you."
"Jeez Trevor," she sighed, "will you stop?" she asked him, frustrated. "I know my limitations. I'm not trying to be stubborn, but I wanted to help. I'm a mother who's kid has been taken, I could relate. None of these other detectives have the experience in dealing with special victims as I do… I have to be able to do my job or else I may as well fucking resign."
"Olivia," he started trying not to let his own frustration shine through. "I am not going to sit here and tell you what you should and shouldn't do, I told you, whatever you choose to do, I am in your corner but your face is just…" he paused.
"Yeah, my face is like this if I'm working on a horrific rape case or a child sex case or an abduction – this is my work face, the one that takes everything on board. It means I'm human, I put all of my feelings in to my work. If I didn't have a face that expressed empathy and concern and showed my own humanity, I'd have bowed out of special victims 20 years ago."
"Why do you think I'm doubting you?" he asked.
"Because!" she exploded, "you are doubting me and my capacity to do a fucking job. Just back off, Trevor, okay? Let me worry about me."
He stood too, trying to deescalate the rising tension between them. "Olivia," she headed for the door, he placed a hand on her shoulder, not to grab her, just to reach her so she would stop. She flinched away from him, turning slightly to shove his hand off her.
"Don't touch me, Trevor, just … do me a favor and stay out of it."
"Fine," he snapped, frustrated with her but immediately felt bad.
He watched her through the office door after she slammed it behind her. He cursed under his breath and went to sit back down.
As if the afternoon couldn't get worse, the phone rang and he saw it was Helena. "Hello," he answered.
"Trevor hi," her voice was calm, at least he was thankful for that.
"What can I do for you? Is El okay?" he asked her.
"She's fine, listen I'm going to have to change the weekend plans you've got-"
"No," he said simply. "No, you're not going to change the agreement. The agreement was that I am picking up Eloise after daycare and she's staying with me until Monday night and I will deliver her back to you after dinner."
"No, that's not happening, Sean and I are taking her to The Hamptons to meet his parents."
"Helena," he started, "its my birthday weekend and I have plans and Eloise is part of those plans. I don't give a shit what's going on in The Hamptons but Eloise will be with me," he snapped.
She laughed.
Fuck. He took a deep breath trying to keep a lid on his anger.
She actually laughed, he thought.
"Helena, I don't know what your caper is right now but it's bullshit. I haven't seen Eloise in over two weeks and you can't keep her from me. I don't want to be an asshole but if you keep her away from me this weekend I'm going to file an petition for custody tomorrow. It is in her best interests to see both of her parents and you are keeping her from me, the court will frown upon that."
"Don't you dare fucking threaten me, Trevor."
"I'm not threatening you, I am telling you exactly what I'm going to do if you don't allow me to pick up my daughter as agreed on Friday. I have the text messages of the agreement in writing as evidence and your constant barrage of aggression and threats about custody – do the right thing by our daughter. I don't want this relationship for us either."
"Fuck you Trevor, she is coming to The Hamptons."
"Fine," he replied, "expect to hear from my lawyer." He wanted to throw his phone against the wall but he knew she wasn't worth ruining another phone on.
Elliot threw open the office door. "We have something!" he exclaimed, "let me run this by you,"
Trevor was seething. Elliot seemed genuinely surprised. Trevor pushed it to the back of his brain and concentrated on his job. "Great, go for it…" he replied.
Elliot was holding two papers. He dropped them on Trevor's desk. "Look, Michael Lampazzi was sending texts to a burner phone about a child, or we assume it's a child – they keep referring to "picking up the message", then we've traced Harper Randwick's phone where Michael Lampazzi is asking her when the mail will become available, she's giving him a list of times which correlates with what the mother is telling us – the time that Chloe was snatched from the Nanny right out side daycare at pick up."
Elliot was speaking fast and Trevor was trying to think fast too. "Okay, right so do you have any leads on where she might be?"
"Looks like Chloe has been jonesing and back to her old tricks, I think if we can get her in here and if she can't get to what she wants she would sell her grandmother…."
"Okay," Trevor agreed, "get her in for questioning, by the book, Stabler, I mean it."
"Yeah, yeah…" he waved his hand over his head as he made his way out.
"Thanks for everything Lucy," Olivia smiled. She still hadn't heard from Trevor. She assumed he was angry with her and truthfully, she regretted snapping at him.
"No problem," she smiled. "Do you need me to stick around for a bit?" she wondered.
"No, it's okay thank you though," Olivia responded, seeing her son's nanny out.
"Mommy what are we having for dinner? Trevor promised me something yummy,"
"Honey, Trevor is probably caught up with work," she explained.
"Can I call him?" he asked frowning, "I miss him, I didn't even get to see him for very long last night or this morning."
Olivia knew that Trevor would have loved to get an impromptu phone call from her son. "Okay," she relented. "Come on babe, come sit down…"
She grabbed her phone and Noah sank in to his Mom's lap. She found the contact and pointed it out to Noah. "Click on this button," she told him, putting an arm around his little waist. Noah hit the face time button and held the phone up so that they could see themselves.
"I hope he answers," Noah remarked. "He could be too busy."
"He might be," Olivia agreed, but part of her felt like he might still be too upset with her to answer.
She heard the sound of him answering and waited for his face to show up. "HIII Trevor!" Noah bounced in her arms with excitement.
Finally, she saw his face. He looked tired but not upset with her but he could have been pretending for Noah's sake. "Hey buddy, how are you?" he asked.
"Good! Mommy said you were still at work but I missed you so I asked Mom if we could say hi and she said yes."
Trevor laughed. "Well I am at work still, but I'm nearly done…"
"What are we going to have for dinner?" he asked.
"Noah, don't harass Trevor, he's still at work, leave him alone."
Trevor flashed him a smile. "It's a surprise," he winked, "you'll have to wait and see."
"Okay," Noah sighed.
"I'm really sorry bud, but I need to go and sort out something before I leave. I'll see you soon, okay?"
Noah nodded and Olivia couldn't help but to feel a little sad that he hadn't acknowledged her at all. "Okay Trevor!" he agreed with a grin. Olivia smiled and kissed her son's temple.
"Can I talk to Mom for a few minutes?" he asked her son's permission.
Noah nodded and waved. He slithered out of Olivia's grip and went back to where he'd been doing his homework at the table. "Hold on, let me take you off Facetime…" she told him.
"As much as I regret not being able to see your face, it's probably a good idea," he agreed. She was able to smile, not realizing just how tense she felt.
"Noah, Mom's just going in her room, I'll know if you're doing your homework so don't horse around," she told him.
She went in to her room and left the door slightly ajar. "I'm so sorry about earlier," she apologized.
"We got him, Liv." Trevor cut in, "we found Chloe, she's mostly okay Elliot and Fin found her, we have some evidence we can work with on Sanchez so, I just wanted you to know…"
"Wow… thank goodness," she sat down on her bed.
"Yeah," he agreed, "about our argument – I'm sorry for continually repeating myself, you were right, you know your own limits and it's not my place to keep questioning you, maybe there's a little of my ego involved here but … can we talk about it later? I just … really want to see you and give you a hug."
"I'm sorry too sweetheart," she replied with a sigh of relief.
"I love you, Olivia, I hate feeling frustrated with you or angry, I don't want it to be our thing… can we not do raised voices and aggression? I want us to just make a deal to press pause, walk away or take a few deep breaths – I hate conflict."
There was something different in his tone, she couldn't place it. Maybe the job had affected him, but either way could detect broodiness. "We can only try," she agreed, "but sometimes Trev, tempers flare… but it doesn't mean the end, as long as we just… don't say things that we can't take back." She paused, "but I love you and no argument is going to change the way that feels… how far are you from home?"
"I just have to make a few calls and I'll be on my way."
"Want me to take care of dinner?" she asked.
"No, its fine – I promised Noah, so I'll keep my promises, I need to have a de-stress though, so cooking will be perfect, maybe a wine and my beautiful woman keeping me company."
Olivia smiled. "Sounds good, I'll see you at home soon."
"I was thinking… how do you feel about Noah and you coming having a sleep over at my house every once in awhile?"
She smiled, "We'll talk about that later too."
Trevor watched the mother scoop up her child who was wrapped in a blanket. She was reunited with her mother who was a sobbing mess. Trevor felt his eyes filling up, not being able to feel as though he was also being kept away from his daughter.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started writing a message in one last ditch effort to change her mind.
"Hi Helena, I would really, really like to see my daughter this weekend as we earlier agreed. It's my birthday and I can honestly say that I would never ever keep her away from you… please find it within you to let me come and get her tomorrow morning. I've been working a bad case involving a three-year-old and I just need to see her. I don't want this to get messy, I don't want to have to have a custody battle. Please trust me, her father, your ex husband, that I would never entrust her with someone who I wasn't sure was going to be a positive force in her life. Please do this for me, Helena."
He let out a deep sigh.
He looked up and found Elliot walking toward him. "Got a minute?" he asked.
"I was on my way out," he replied, his jaw setting firm, not wanting to have a square-off with him again.
"I'll be fast."
Trevor looked at him expectantly. "Thank you for today," he said, "for being here and helping me where you could and pushing for that search warrant."
"I'm just doing my job Elliot."
"I know that but some ADAs care more than others. Maybe this hit close to home for you or maybe you do just really care, either way, thank you."
"You're welcome," he replied.
"Also," he began, "I do have a tendency to have my head up my own ass." Trevor was able to smile briefly. "But it's not intentional, I get one-track-minded when I'm on a case and I've recently lost my wife so everything I have gets thrown in to work. The last thing I want is to continue hurting Olivia, you were right, I don't know what she went through, she won't talk to me and I don't blame her, but I'll stop asking so much of her."
"As you said," Trevor replied, "Olivia knows what she can handle. She's been doing this a long time and she is incredible at her job, I was quick to jump the gun. You can ask Liv to help you but if she says no, you need to accept it. You guys have a relationship, you always have had, I don't know where it's at now, but I'm sure eventually you guys will be friends and I will always support Olivia with whatever decisions she makes, so… do what you need to," Trevor replied to him.
Elliot nodded slowly, surprised by Trevor's calmness.
"Goodnight Detective."
The phone rang as he was on his way to Olivia's. He picked up.
"Hi Trevor," it was Helena. She sounded tired.
"Hi," he replied, careful not to get sucked in to one of her moods.
"I'm not feeling 100% right now, do you think you can take Eloise?" she asked him. He was totally surprised. She sounded normal, non-aggressive or threatening, but almost like she had her senses back.
Aside from sounding unwell.
"Uh," he stopped walking for a second to think, "yes, I can… what's wrong? Are you alright?" he wondered.
"Yes I'm just coming down with the flu and … Sean is away at a medical conference," she explained.
"Its alright," he said sincerely, "okay, would you like me to come and get her now?"
"Yes please, thank you," he felt relief flood him but he was also confused as to her change of heart.
"Helena, if I'm picking up Eloise, I'm not bringing her back until Monday night, I hope you understand that."
"It's fine, please just come and get her…" she replied irritably.
"Okay get her things together for me," Trevor said goodbye and hung up. He needed it in writing, he didn't trust her. He texted, "To confirm, you've asked me to pick up Eloise because you are feeling unwell, I am confirming that I will drop her back to you on Monday night? Please let me know if that's still fine with you."
A few moments later his phone chimed.
"Yes Trevor, just come and get your child. I need to go to bed."
He called Olivia back to let her know about a slight change in plans. "I don't know that we can stay at your place, but we will come over straight from picking her up," he explained.
"Okay, how about I just order a couple of pizzas for dinner?" she asked him.
He agreed.
"Daddy!" Eloise squealed excitedly, catching Trevor off guard by running at him and flinging herself at his legs. A grin filled his face and as emotional as he was, he kept his eyes from filling up with emotion despite how tight his throat had become. He swept his little girl up and hugged her close to him.
"Hi darling," he greeted her, "I missed you so much."
"Where's Mommy?" he asked. The house was a mess he thought as he took it all in. Everything was in shambles, completely different to the way it looked when he lived there.
Helena had texted him telling him that she would leave the door unlocked. He started to get a strange feeling. He could smell something a bit funny. He sniffed his daughter's clothes. It smelled like they hadn't been washed.
"In bed," she replied, "she's sick." He carried his daughter upstairs to what he assumed was still the bedroom. He knocked softly on the door.
"Leave Mommy alone, she's not well," the voice called back and Trevor was irate. Regardless of how sick she was, Eloise was three, too young to be left alone on her own.
"Its me, why does it stink in here?" Trevor asked, "why does Eloise smell?"
"I'm sick Trevor, leave me alone, just look after your daughter."
He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He set Eloise down. "Go say goodbye to Mommy."
She ran in and gave her Mom a hug, Trevor could barely see in to the darkened room. "Did you pack a bag for her?" he called.
"Yes, its by the door."
Trevor picked up his daughter again and went to inspect the things she had packed. As he suspected, there were no matching outfits, no toys, anything.
"Honey, we're gonna go get some more stuff, okay?" he smiled at his daughter, the smell of her hair, her clothes, something was off.
"Okay Daddy, I want to bring my cuddle cloth," she informed him.
"My daughter smells like a pole cat," Trevor complained to Liv. "Look at her face," he whispered, "she has crusted food around her mouth like she wasn't even wiped up after breakfast…." he was frustrated.
Olivia looked concerned but she said nothing to be rude about his ex wife. Noah wrinkled his nose when the little girl got close to him. Olivia gave him a warning look not to say a word.
"Can I give her a bath, is that okay?"
"Of course," Liv smiled at him.
"Noah, could you do me a favor and go and get Eloise a t-shirt from your drawer, from the pile that you don't wear anymore."
"Thank you Liv," Trevor kissed her on the forehead. "Sorry to have sprung this on you, it's weird and out of the blue."
"Don't apologize, Trev, this is your little girl, she is part of our life together just like Noah is…" she cupped his cheek in her hand and kissed his lips briefly. "Love you… I wish you weren't going through this."
"Me too…" he murmured. "But on the up and up, I have her for the weekend."
"Daddy," Eloise interrupted, "I don't want to have a bath, I want to play," she informed him.
"We can play after your bath," he promised her, "but you're a bit stinky, we need to wash your hair and put some pajamas on."
Olivia hid a smile. "Eloise, would you like to come with me?" she asked her, "we are going to find you something fun to wear to bed tonight."
"I have my Elsa pajamas," she informed Olivia.
"Daddy had to wash your clothes," Trevor explained, "so they're not ready to wear to bed tonight."
"I have to wear my Elsa, Daddy!" she exclaimed, her little face crumpling. "I want my Elsa PJs."
Trevor sighed. He needed a beer or something stronger.
"Not tonight," he said firmly, "Noah is going to share some of his clothes with you…"
"Let me try…" Liv whispered. "Come on, let's have a look at what fun stuff Noah has. Noah doesn't mind sharing, do you Noah?" Olivia asked as he entered back in to the family room.
"No," he smiled. She loved her little boy so much especially when he was showing the sweetest signs of compassion. He didn't fully understand what was going on, but he understood that Trevor was upset and he was being incredibly kind to Eloise despite his want to move as far away from her as possible. "I could only find one shirt maybe they're too big Mommy," he suggested.
"Actually, I have an idea." Olivia began. "Trevor, can you pass me my phone?"
She made a couple of calls and let Trevor take his daughter to the bath. "Trevor, I'll be back in about 20 minutes, Noah is watching TV…"
Olivia burst through the door feeling accomplished. Trevor had a towel wrapped around his daughter as he was taking her from the bath.
"Where did you go?" he wondered.
"I ducked down a couple of blocks to Rollins apartment," she held up a little bag. "I have some clothes for a certain someone that have a certain theme to them – they're too small for Jesse and Billie isn't interested."
"Oh my gosh, thank you, you are a life saver."
Olivia smiled with satisfaction, glad to finally help. She took some cute little flannel pajamas out of the bag and showed them to Eloise. She was adorable, still sopping wet; her hair slicked down against her scalp. Her eyes were huge when she saw that they were Frozen themed.
"Oooooh!"
Trevor grinned at her. "Look at what Olivia got for you, that was a big effort for her, you need to make sure you thank her."
"Thank you Oh-Livia," she replied dutifully, but she still seemed a little speechless by the pajamas.
"You are very welcome, honey," Olivia told her with a smile. She put the pajamas down beside his daughter's other clothes. "Guess what? When you're done getting dry, we're going to have pizza!" she informed Eloise. "I hope you like pizza!"
Eloise looked at her Dad and grinned so big that he couldn't help but to grin back at her. He kissed her cheek and cuddled her close to him. He had missed her so much in the little over two-weeks it'd been since he'd seen her.
"Thanks Liv," Trevor told her.
"Okay I'll leave you to it…"
"Mommy," Noah began softly, lowering his voice. "is something wrong with Eloise? Why did she smell so bad,"
Olivia smiled at her son's sweetness and gave him a little hug. "Honey, nothing is wrong with Eloise, her Mommy isn't feeling very well so Trevor had to go and get her and he'll be taking care of her. Her Mom was too sick to wash her or wash her clothes."
"You take care of me even when you're sick, Mommy," he pointed out and Olivia agreed. She found the situation all very strange.
"I know, but we don't know what kind of sick she is, we don't judge, we just be loving and kind toward Eloise because I think she will be spending more time with us, is that okay?" she asked him.
Noah smiled and nodded. "I like her, she's very cute and she likes to play with me too."
Olivia grinned at him, "You really are a very special kid, Noah Benson. I love you so much."
He slid his arms around his Mom. "I love you too, Mommy and I hope one day we can all live together so I get to have my … friend, Trevor living with me too."
Olivia kissed his temple. "Maybe one day… hey, Trevor asked me a question before – and I want you to tell me because you have to be honest with me always, even if you think it's going to hurt my feelings or Trevors okay?"
Noah nodded.
"How would you like to do a sleep over at Trevor's house sometimes?" she asked him. "You can say no because your clothes won't be there, your toys won't be there, it will be a bigger place which might feel scary because it's different."
Noah thought about it for a moment before shrugging, "we could try?" he replied. "If I don't like it Mommy I will tell you."
She smiled at him, running her fingers through his soft curls. "That's what I thought too, babe, we could try, and if it doesn't work, its okay because we will always have this apartment because it's yours and its mine and we can always have our own space if you get tired of sharing me."
"I like sharing you," he replied, "you share Trevor with me, Mommy, Mrs. Newcom says that relationships for Mommys and Daddys is different for everyone, I don't have a Daddy but I have a Trevor and no one else has a Trevor."
Olivia grinned. "That's right babe, you are so lucky to have a Trevor."
"I am just as lucky to have a Noah and an Olivia and an Eloise," Trevor overheard part of the conversation as he came in to the room.
Noah jumped out of Liv's arms.
She regarded Trevor with a look of recognition and glanced at his daughter. He still held her wet towel in his hands.
"Eloise, Daddy didn't dry your hair properly, did he?!" she smiled at the toddler. She held her hand out for the towel, "I can help with that, you don't want to get cold."
Eloise was still a little shy but went to Olivia anyway. "Noah can you go get my comb from my dresser, honey and a hair elastic too."
Noah ran down the hall as Trevor took a seat on the couch. "Thanks Liv."
"We're gonna need a bigger couch," Trevor remarked, glancing down at Noah sprawled across both him and Liv and Eloise had tucked herself warmly beneath her father's arms.
"I should get going and take her home," he sighed.
"It's okay, we can put her in the guest room, if you like…" Olivia suggested, really not wanting him to go.
"I'm concerned about her waking up disoriented and screaming down the house," he admitted.
"Okay well… if that happens you can bring her in to bed with us… Noah's already invited himself between us before," she laughed, remembering how startled Trevor was to wake up to a kick in the back from her son.
He smiled. "I don't want to confuse her," he sighed. "I am worried that she might freak out."
"Well," Olivia began with a shrug, "its up to you. I just want to say that my son woke up to a man in his mother's bed and he was fine, I think if you wait for the right time you'll be waiting forever."
Trevor considered her comment to be a little frustrated, disappointed with him, even. Her tone said otherwise, but he felt it.
"Point taken," he agreed. "Maybe you're right, maybe that comment wasn't fair of me."
"Look," she said softly, "I get it… it's scary to introduce someone new in to her life, but it's going to happen with or without Helena's approval, you're her Dad, you need to do what's comfortable for you, but let me be honest, it's not always comfortable for me when I realize how close you and Noah have become," she told him frankly, "and don't get it twisted, its not because I resent it, it's more because I get so frightened of you leaving me and Noah being heart broken."
"Do you really think I'm gonna leave you?" he wondered, reaching across the back of the couch to touch her face.
"I don't know what the future holds. I trust you, I trust that you're a good person but I don't know everything."
"I'm not going to leave you," he said seriously, his eyes searching hers. "I love you so much, Liv… even if we had the biggest fight in the world, today's argument could have been screaming and swearing and I'd still find a way to work it out with you. I felt so awful when you stormed out today."
"I know, and I felt so bad and thought that I'd blown it for us…"
"Fights are just fights… we're both passionate about her jobs and about the things we care about, we are bound to butt-head…"
She nodded. "I guess I still have scars…"
"Me too," he agreed. "Okay, lets put these little terrors to bed."
"Baby… are you awake?" Trevor asked in to the darkness. He'd been laying for hours staring at the ceiling.
Olivia had just been on the cusp of sleep; every time she started to drift, Trevor flipped over, waking her up.
"Yeah…" she cleared her throat. She rolled over to face him. "What's wrong babe, why can't you sleep?"
There was some silence. She reached up to touch his face. She sat up immediately and switched a light on, realizing that there were tears dampening the skin around his eyes.
"Trevor…" she was wide-awake, worried about him. "What's wrong?" she felt a pang of hurt, wondering what was going on. He had been a little off all night, but she figured it was his frustration with his wife and the case he'd been on from the second he got to work.
"I'm sorry," he managed a laugh.
"Don't apologize honey, tell me what's wrong, I'm here… I love you, I know something is going on."
"I want to tell you something but I'm scared you'll think less of me or think I'm an idiot…"
"Trevor," she cocked her head, "as if I would think less of you ever. I love you." She sidled up to him and caressed his face where the tear streaks stained his face.
He stared at the ceiling, not daring to take his eyes off. "Helena has trouble finding a job because she has a criminal record," he blurted out, "but I thought we were past it all…"
Olivia said nothing.
"Shortly after we got married she admitted that she was using abusing benzos, it made her moody and irrational and …" he paused, "I was really naïve about that kind of stuff because I've always had a very clear path of what I wanted in life," he explained to Liv. "I figured since she told me… she knew she had a problem and I paid for her drug counselling and assumed she was cured."
"Oh…" Liv murmured.
"She got arrested for fraudulently using a prescription pad that she admitted to stealing from a Drs office and I faught so hard to get it expunged from her record but it was a big deal, it was part of the reason we moved to New York, I wanted a fresh start for us. She did inpatient care as part of her probation and she really just replaced drugs for spending money… and then I guess there was the cheating-"
He felt Liv grab for his hand and squeeze it tightly. "I'm really sorry…"
"Its alright but as soon as I picked up Elly tonight I saw it, the second I walked in the house – it was just like… the same person I was married to; but she shut my kid out of her room and I can't have that. I don't know where the fiancé is but he's a Dr or a surgeon or something, surely he sees it?" Trevor asked him. "I don't want to have to take my daughter away from her, but I can't let her live like that, Olivia."
"Trevor," Olivia began, "your daughter is your number one priority, you need to intervene. If you desire to help get her mother the help she needs I am here for you, of course…. But take care of your daughter and you first and foremost."
He nodded. "I just didn't want this for Eloise, everything was going so well – Helena and I got to such a good place…"
"But was it, Trev? She was getting her cake and eating it too. Everything was going her way until it wasn't. She had two men that she could count on for money, emotional support, to take her responsibilities from her – I don't think that's a friendship, that's something else…"
"I don't want to make myself out to be the victim, I'm not perfect, I did some shit things, I was stupid, I buried myself in my job and avoided it all…"
"She wanted more money, you worked harder… you wanted her to spend money more than you wanted her to turn to drugs."
"This… what I have with you feels like the healthiest relationship I've ever had and I keep having to pinch myself that it's actually just this easy," he murmured.
Olivia leaned over him and draped her arm across his bare stomach, resting her face against his chest. "I love you so much, I know it's corny but I keep saying it, you are my heart. You are always my priority and I hate to see you and your daughter going through this, but Noah and I will be here every step of the way."
"Thank you, that means the world to me." He lifted his head to plant a kiss on the crown of her head, letting his fingers run through her wavy hair. "I'm looking forward to going away this weekend," he told her.
"Me too. In fact, I wasn't going to tell you this, but since Eloise is with us, I just wanted you to know that I've taken tomorrow off work and Noah has a parent's day in the morning and then we are going to organize some surprises for you. So, how do you feel if Eloise was comfortable to hang out with Noah and I tomorrow while you are at work?" she paused, "if you'd prefer her to go to daycare, that's fine too."
"No…" he said slowly, a small smile spreading over his face. "I actually think that'd be really nice, it'll give you her a chance to get used to you, but… she can be a handful, I'm just warning you. She's way more wild than Noah."
Olivia laughed, "One thing about me, Trevor, it's that I don't play when it comes to kids. I love children, you know that, but I call it out when the behavior is bad."
He chuckled, "I know, I could probably take a leaf out of your book. I have Dad guilt, she gets away with too much."
"That's fine," Olivia replied with a shrug, "and I'll never overstep any boundaries, but I won't have one have two different standards for the kids when they're under one roof. I would expect that from you too…."
"I just need more practice," he replied, "that's one thing I'm not proud of, leaving all of that stuff to Helena, but I'll get better at it, I promise."
"If you have predominant time with Eloise for awhile, you will pretty quickly get tired of giving in to attitude or tantrums, but … at the same time she's only just turned three right? She's still figuring out boundaries, it's a good time to start enforcing."
"True," Trevor nodded. "Thanks Liv, I would love for you guys to hang out together, it'd make me really happy."
He put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "I love you…" she murmured, looking up at him.
"I love you too, my Olivia…" he smiled down at her against his chest. He stretched to kiss her lips. "Thank you for being so easy to talk to," he added after she had moved to turn the light off.
"Don't thank me for that, my heart, I always want you to talk to me." She laid her head back down on the pillow and he turned to face her, wrapping his arms around her.
He kissed her forehead. "Goodnight," he replied.