Chapter 33

April 4, 1996 - April 5, 1996

Pam found Sookie huddled on the ground against the side of the bar, holding Leif. The baby was asleep, and Sookie looked almost as sick as she had the first time Pam had seen her.

"Sookie, what happened?"

"Eric was here a few days ago, I guess. In Bon Temps. He had sex with this girl we went to school with and then glamoured her to show me. It was so rough. She seemed to like it, but he looked so mad. And it was like he was looking at me, not her. Like he wanted to do those things to me. To hurt me as much as he could. Did he find out about the baby? Does he hate me that much?"

"I don't know, but I might kill him either way."

Pam helped her up and got her and the baby settled in Sookie's car and drove them both to the house in Shreveport.

Sookie laid Leif on the middle of the bed and climbed in beside him. Pam laid down on the other side, facing them. It was a long time before Sookie was ready to talk.

"I wish I hadn't listened to Godric. I wish I had just told Eric everything in the beginning and told him to come and get me. Either I would be dead, or we would be together, and none of this would have happened."

"If you had died, Leif would have, too, Sookie."

Sookie looked down at the baby and then away. "My whole life, people have been just awful to me. When we were kids, Eric was one of the only ones who wasn't. He was kind to me and treated me like a person. Like someone who was smart and worth getting to know. I've been in love with him since the first time I saw him, when I was eight years old. But he won't stop breaking my heart. I wish so hard that I'd just never been born. It would have been so much better for everyone."

"That isn't true, Sookie."

"Eric would still be alive. Probably my parents, too. And Gran wouldn't have been burdened with my telepathy or the guilt over it."

"And I wouldn't have a human best friend."

"See? Everyone would be better off." But she smiled a little, at least.

After Sookie and the baby fell asleep, Pam went into the study to call Godric.

"What in the fuck is going on?"

There was a pause on the other end. "She knows, then?"

"She's broken, Godric. He's destroyed her. Worse, she's blaming herself. All of this because of the baby?"

"No. It was a misunderstanding. He was going to take her and run. He felt her love for Leif through the bond and smelled a strange vampire in her yard after Bill Compton dropped by."

"Jesus Fucking Christ. A misunderstanding. I'm going to kill him."

"Pamela…"

"I'm serious, Godric. If he even looks at her the wrong way, I will stake him."

"You will do no such thing. He is mine to punish." It wasn't a command, but the warning was there.

"He might be yours, but she is mine."

Godric sighed. "No, she is Eric's."

"Bullshit. Not after this, she isn't."

"They are bonded, Pam. Vampire law…"

She cut him off, "Fuck vampire law. She will be my child someday. That is far more important than a bond."

Godric's voice softened. "She doesn't want it, Pam. You will just hurt her even more."

"Yet. She doesn't want it yet. She's only seventeen. I have time to change her mind. When are you coming back? I need to make sure they're gone before you get here."

"We will be leaving at first dark. I will take Eric to Bon Temps when we arrive."

"No. You keep him away from her until she's ready. You've taken enough decisions away from her."

"I kept her alive. For Fintan. It was the least I could do."

"And if she kills herself over this, that will be on the two of you."

Pam warmed up some bagged blood and fed and then laid back down with Sookie and Leif. Her humans. She wanted to cut off Eric's dick and make him eat it. She needed to pull herself together. She was getting blood stains all over her pillowcase.

It had been so long since she had a girlfriend. Especially a platonic one. And, surprisingly, she was even fond of the brat. She thought that she probably loved Sookie as much as Eric did, in her own way. She felt like a much older sister. Only closer. They were together more than they were apart the past few months.

When the baby started to cry, Pam changed his diaper, swaddled him tightly, and brought him back to his mother. Sookie latched him on sleepily.

"Thank you. I love you, Pam."

"I know."

Sookie snorted. "You know you love me, too."

"Yes, I do. Now try to get some rest. They aren't leaving Texas until after sunset, so you can stay here until I rise, if you like."

Sookie had some baby supplies stocked in a guest room where she kept some clothes and things. She didn't ever seem to sleep in there, though. "Ok. I don't think I could face anyone else anyhow."

Soon she and the baby were asleep again. Pam thought that Sookie would want to wait until the baby was at least in school. And her breasts would hopefully still be perky at 22 or 23, despite the breastfeeding. And if she ever did agree to be with Eric again, she would only be a few years older, eternally. Funny that Sookie would be the oldest one of the four. And the youngest, as well.

Selfishly, part of her wanted to push Sookie back to Eric. She wanted her and the baby to move in. And Sookie would be much more likely to agree to be turned to be with Eric. Pam felt a real pull, to turn her and make Sookie hers. She had always thought that it was superstitious nonsense. It just sounded so melodramatic. Destiny, for fuck's sakes! But it was magic. And she couldn't deny what she felt.

But Pam wouldn't do it against her will. At least not unless there was a real emergency, and Sookie didn't tell her no. She would even ask first, if there was time. Probably.

Sookie spent the next day in bed with Pam and the baby. Godric kept the kitchen stocked with staples for her, so she made herself eat some toast, but she threw it right back up again. She was just too nervous and sad. She took care of the baby and dozed and tried to escape from everything else.

She wanted to go back home and hide and never face him. She was so raw, and just felt too emotionally weak to handle it. But she couldn't stand the thought of having it hanging over her head. Dreading it. Her car was there. She could leave as soon as it was over. And Pam would keep the baby safe, although the thought of Eric hurting a baby just seemed impossible. But she had thought that he would never hurt her on purpose, either.

And, even though this was Eric's house and not hers, it was still kind of home turf for her. She had spent far more time here than he had. Although she probably wouldn't ever be back after tonight. She hoped Pam would still come and see her sometimes. She didn't even think she'd be able to look at Godric for a while. She felt like she was losing everything.

That evening, Pam tried to talk her out of staying, but Sookie just wanted to get it over with. Plus, it was only fair to let him know he was free to keep taking care of his needs, even if the thought of it made her sick. She hoped that she wasn't going to keep running into girls that he slept with. Maybe Godric would make him stay away from the girls in Bon Temps, at least. But, apparently, he was sneaky. And she didn't know if the new Eric would keep doing it out of spite.

They arrived home shortly after 10:30. Sookie had almost chickened out a thousand times, but she stuck it out. She was sitting on the couch with Pam in the den, holding the baby, when Eric and Godric walked in.

"Sookie…" His eyes filled with blood. He started to walk toward her, but she put up her hand. He stopped.

"Eric, this is your son, Leif. Apparently, Dawn Green poked Jason's condoms full of holes before we borrowed one."

She left what (or who) else Dawn had done hanging over the conversation. She didn't really want to do this in front of the other vampires, but Pam didn't look like she would leave Sookie alone with Eric, anyhow. Her fangs were even down, she was so mad.

"Every time, Eric. Every time I forgive you, you go and do something even worse. I just can't do it anymore. I always thought you were different, but you have hurt me more than the rest of those jerks put together. I'm not even an adult yet, and my heart has been broken more times than I can count. I love you, and I probably always will, but I can't go through life with you ripping my heart out over and over again. I'm done. I know I've said it before, but I mean it this time."

Eric opened his mouth to reply, but the look on her face changed his mind. If he had any hope of fixing this, he needed to put her needs first.

"You will be able to see your son, if you want to. I'm sure Pam or Godric would be willing to supervise. But I don't want to see you again. I will be making the decisions for the baby. And if you try to use him as leverage, that shotgun is still in the same spot, and it does a hell of a job killing vampires.

"So, you're free to have sex with whoever you want . I would appreciate it if you stayed away from the girls in Bon Temps so I don't have to see it again, but I guess that's on you. I would also appreciate it if you kept the bond closed. I don't want to feel you, and I sure as hell don't want you to feel me, but I guess that's out of my hands, too."

"Sookie, I'll let them silver me. Pull my fangs. Whatever it takes."

She just shook her head. "That's the difference, Eric. Right there. I don't want to hurt the people I love. I don't want you tortured, or even punished. I just want you to leave me alone so you don't keep breaking my heart."

She turned to look at Godric. "And fuck you for ruining my life."

She went outside and managed to get the baby buckled in before she broke down. Pam came out and let Sookie cry on her shoulder for a few minutes, and then drove her and the baby back to Bon Temps.

Eric was still standing in the same spot in the den. He didn't know whether the guilt was worse, or the loss. She was too thin. She looked so much older, and was so fucking broken and sad. And she was even more beautiful than he remembered. He hadn't seen her in months, hadn't even gotten to touch her, and she was already gone.

He tried to fight the building rage. He could not hurt her again. He looked at Godric.

"Silver me. So I don't go and do anything stupid."

Godric showed him to his new room and got out the chains.