Previously Can we start over?
"Ive already told you that I've lived a timeline similar to this, we've gone over the fact that I died at the hands of your brother"
"Suffice to say I believed he had my mom, I might not like Renee much but she is my mother, back then I didn't realize how toxic our relationship was ..."
"Then stay... stop pushing and just keep pulling me in Isabella.."
"I love you"
Bella holds her breath, she knows it might be too soon declaring her love for the vampire but she couldn't help it, the words itself felt too small to label what she felt for the vampire.
She hopes Rosalie won't feel the need to say it back simply because she said it. She knows they've argued , disagreed very loudly about things, she knows that she has to make up for lying to the vampire because she felt it was necessary even now she knows that she accused Rosalie of being like Edward when she was doing the exact same thing.
So now she hopes that the words won't have a negative effect on their budding relationship , knowing just how many relationships ended all because in person jumped the gun at saying 'I love you' when the other didn't quite feel just there yet, so she rushes to reassure the seemingly catatonic vampire.
She wonders whether vampires can go into complete shock, or be shocked frozen because the way Rosalie stands before her for a full minute without saying anything worries her. She calls her name softly trying to reach the vampire.
"Rose..."
" Bella I..." she trails off , Bella let's go of the breath she'd been holding. Thankful that the vampire at least said something even if it was just two words. So she put on a smile, hoping to reassure the vampire.
"Listen... Rose .. you don't have to say it back okay?" Rosalie opens her mouth, but no words come out.. the words bella told her , those three words wasn't something she heard directed at her for a long time , other than Esme —but that wasn't the same type of love , it wasn't the romantic kind of love.
Her mind replays the memories of the last time she heard those words, it plays it on loop then flashing to the violent scene of her fiancé Royce king stripping her, removing every strip of dignity she had as a women.
She hates that her mind flashed to those traitorous thoughts , she thought she'd put them to rest the moment she made Royce pay for his sins. But now they play before her eyes like a broken record, the words she wishes she could say back to her mate, reassure her that she felt the exact same way... she tried to utter something—anything that would make look like less of a fool that she already was.
She's truly thought she's overcome her turbulent past, after all she managed to be intimate with past suitors both men and women ... flings throughout the years with various vampires.
Even with Bella, she remembers when she felt Bella's own member against her core ... she didn't have a flashback of Royce and his friends then .. so why was it so difficult for her to say those three words? Why couldn't she just scream it out loud like she wanted to do the moment she realized that Bella was her mate, her forever why the hell was it so difficult?
She feels Bella remove her hands from her cheeks, breathing out a small imperceptible disappointed sigh. She knew she probably wasn't supposed to hear it but she does and it send a sharp pain through her un-beating heart. The sound might as well have been a warning bell at how loud it rung in her ears. She sees the small smile on her mates face, but also sees a flash of sadness in her eyes.
She rushes to grab hold of Bella again, she knows she can't let the woman believe that she doesn't love her ... she knows she needs to explain, but how ? How could she possibly explain what she feels when she herself didn't understand why she wasn't able to say it ... and then like a flash of lightning it strikes her ... the reason —the reason she's not able to say those words back to her mate is because the last person that promised to love her ... stabbed her in the back and twisted the blade ensuring the stinging pain.
The last person who promised to spend his life with her betrayed her in the worst possible way... he used his love for her against her ... he used words of love as a vice while he continuously ripped her apart, his sick, twisted version of love was a vice grip around her heart one she thought she escaped when she killed him in that bank vault. His words played back in her mind like a song.
"No one will love you as much as I love you Rosalie Hale"
She feels herself struggling to breath as her mind takes her back to the lonely alleyway , lit up by a single street light. The cold and unforgiving nights of Rochester, New York. The cold paving underneath her back, scratching at her flawless skin, leaving permanent marks. The feeling of their sweaty hands groping at her naked flesh, how her screams went unanswered , how easily they took what they wanted and laughed at the tears running down her pale cheeks, her violet eyes darkening reflecting the dark skies above as she laid , no longer fighting, she couldn't , her arms hurt , her pelvis bruised ... her legs felt like jelly and her insides burned. The only warmth she felt was her hot tears scorching her cold cheeks.
As he takes his turn he mentions his love for her, how she will never find a man that loves her as much as he does... the sick twisted love that lead him to share with his friends just how good his fiancé was... when they were done they left her in that dark alleyway to die, to either die of hypothermia or blood loss .. though neither came.
She felt a warm hand brush her cheek , a flinch as she unconsciously pushed the offender away, with a shout.
"No , not again" Rosalie doesn't keep her strength back as she pushes the offending hands away, the warm hands that feels the same like they did that night. A loud crashing of glass breaking shocked her out of her dazed state.
She looks to the sound, gasping in horror. The door is ripped open showing Carlisle, Esme and Alice faces, they stare at the scene before the get a whiff of blood followed by a groan.
"Bella" screams Alice trying to maneuver past Esme to the girl who was thrown into the body length mirror, that now lays on the ground in pieces.
Bella opens her eyes she feels a gash on her forehead, she wasn't able to encase herself in a spell quick enough to cover all the damage , but she was able to protect her ribs from the initial push.
She looks back to Rosalie who's hand covered her mouth in horror at what she's done, Bella doesn't blame her ... she blames herself it was clear Rosalie was no longer there, her mind somewhere else, so when she touched the girl she expected some kind of response but of course the response wasn't what she expected.
Bella gets up slowly brushing away some of the glass , she touches her forehead , grimacing at the warm thick liquid pooling . She shakes off Alice's concern , she can see the the tiny vampire is holding back her own blood lust.
"I'm ... fine Alice ..it's just a small scratch" she grimaces at her own lie, clearly the vampire doesn't believe her either since she can see just how deep the gash is. The blood drips over her left eye, she instinctively closes it.
"Bella..." Rosalie steps closer before physically stopping herself , she's still in shock, she can't believe she's hurt her mate —her beast claws at its cage, whining in sorrow , pain that she hurt her mate while lost in her own mind.
Carlisle decides to take action , he sees the amount of blood and knows the girl should get it covered up , it's deep and long enough to get a few stitches.
"Bella it looks like you need some stitches" he said calmly, Bella barely looks in his direction her eyes are solely on Rosalie who seems to fold into herself the more they fuss about her cut. She doesn't want to reveal everything to the Cullens just yet but her mates pain takes precedence over her own secrets.
She mutters Ancient Greek words under her breath, swiping her thumb across her forehead with a quick motion. And feels her skin knit back together leaving nothing, not even a mark—the only evidence that remains is the semi-dried blood that covers her eyelids and drips down her cheek. She runs through a quick mental checklist , checking for other injuries but comes out fine.
"I said I'm fine" she punctuates her statement with a thumb pointing to her head, the vampire's besides rose doesn't look surprised but slightly relieved at the healed forehead.
Carlisle joined by a baffled Alice who stood the closest the Bella and watched it happen splutters for a response.
"What... how ... what"they both sat at the same time, Bella doesn't feel the need to discuss her nature right now, especially with her mate in such a vulnerable state, she stares helplessly at Esme hoping the woman will realize she wants to be alone with Rosalie right now. Thankfully the older brunette recognizes the plea in Bella's eyes.
"Carlisle , Alice I think it's best we give the girls privacy, I'm sure Bella will tell us whatever she is when she's ready" using her matriarch voice, she knows it might not work in Carlisle , his need to keep his family safe taking precedence over his scientific curiosity but she knows she has to try. Alice quickly recognizes the command in Esme's tone and nods but not before fixing Bella with a look that said 'you will explain everything'
Bella rolls her eyes but nods in acceptance, she will have to tell the Cullens what she was but now was not the time for a story about her origin.
Carlisle leaves as well leaving Rosalie and Bella once more by themselves. Bella steps closer to Rosalie but the latter takes a step back.
"Rosalie I'm fine" she says In a bored tone, getting tired of reiterating the same line over and over. She knows the vampire is blaming herself for the push but Bella knows it would be hypocritical of her to blame Rosalie when she didn't even blame Edward when he did the same thing twice ... the second time of course leading to her subsequent rebirth so to speak.
Rosalie shakes her head , not closing the space , her arms hang loosely at her sides, her eyes are filled with tears she's cursed to never shed. And more than anything she wishes she could just let them fall and feel the heat on her cheeks , just to feel anything other than the oppressing cold ... she feels.
She yearns to take Bella's hand in hers and beg for forgiveness .. she wants nothing more than erase that last 5 minutes and just tell Bella that she loves her too but she knows she can't, it impossible , she can't erase the fact that she pushed her mate in a mirror across in the room in surprise.
"Hey... I'm okay .. see" the brunette spreads her arms as to show just how fine she is.
"Rose that wasn't your fault ... I should've known it wasn't a good idea to touch you when you were so clearly in another world ... of course it'll be startling and you reacted —no one got hurt so just .. I don't know just don't blame yourself it was an accident" she tries , throughout her mini rant she tries to take a step closer to Rose only to be refused again. This time she sighs loudly in frustration.
"Bella you shouldn't , I told you .. I told you I'm dangerous! that this is dangerous .. not hurt you say? Then what the hell did I just do? I'm a Mo-" she doesn't get to finish her depreciating rant.
The words strike Bella heavily, she thought that Rosalie and her was passed this ... the self hate.. the fact that her mate saw herself as a monster.
Bella cuts her off with loud no " No" she says and hold her hand up stopping the vampire's protests.
"Just stop okay ... just please fucking stop that self hate thing you have going on.. I thought we're passed this Rose I thought I told you, you were and are no monster. Because if you're a monster then so am I ... because I wish I could kill James , Ethan , Tommy over and over again for what they'd done to me .. and I wouldn't feel an ounce of regret. Do you think that makes me a monster?"
Furrowing her eyebrows her face takes on a frown at the question she answers without hesitation " of course not"
"Then why do you think you are? Just because you pushed me a little too hard doesn't mean you're a monster it means that you're not perfect—that you have flaws —that even though being a vampire makes you look perfect ... you're not and that you're capable of making mistakes ... to be honest it's the most humanizing thing about you .. and I love you for that Rose I really do.. because to be honest nothings perfect and If there was such a thing as perfect ? I wouldn't want it anyway because I have you ... and I'll always want you Rosalie so please don't say you're a monster because I know a true monster and you're nothing like him."
Rosalie looks at her mate, the words are sincere, heart felt she feels her dead heart give a phantom beat at them. She wants nothing more than jump in her mates arms and hold her never letting go ... but something stops her.. she doesn't deserve it .. she might not be a monster but she couldn't even tell her mate that she loves her back.. because she's so damaged —'broken' she thinks.
Bella takes another step this time she's happy the vampire doesn't move away but she doesn't do anything else either.
"How...?" She hears a broken voice ask , Bella furrows her eyebrows in confusion she doesn't understand the question.
"How what?" She asks
"How can you say you love me when I can't even say it back? How can you claim to love me when I'm so damaged" 'broken , unloveable' she thinks , his words still echoing in her mind.
"You're not damaged Rosalie" she denies quickly. "And I told you just because I said it doesn't mean you have to say it back now" she clarified.
"No... I'm damaged , broken... he broke me" Bella sucks in a deep breath, she doesn't know what Rosalie is saying , doesn't know what or who she's referring to.
So she steps closer, not touching her mate just in case she doesn't want to be touched instead she softens her tone—her own heart breaks at the broken voice she hears from Rosalie , the vulnerability .. she wishes she never heard it but she couldn't ignore it.
"Who... who do you think broke you Rosalie ?"
Rosalie stares into those soulful brown eyes, they show nothing but support , love, care , she doesn't know when she starts but once she's started she can't stop, so she spills everything—she tells Bella about the night Royce king tore her apart, tore away her self worth—dignity stripping her bare for the wold to witness her weakness.
Throughout the tale Bella feels nothing but anger and disgust toward Royce king and his friends . She wants nothing more than find every descendent and make them pay, her eyes flash the bluest it's ever been. But she pushes does the want to destroy everything instead she concentrated on her mate and her own distress, just like Bella was it seems Rosalie is lost in her own story —her mind stuck in 1933.
"I killed them, I saved Royce for last... he hid himself in his bank vault surrounded by security. I wore my wedding dress paid off the guards to turn the other way. I found him sniveling in a corner like a coward —begging for forgiveness , pleading me not to kill him. I mocked him with the same words he used on me that night. "Don't you love me?" I asked—he was as pale as a ghost .. I made sure not to spill too much blood I didn't want his vile blood in my system ...and I killed him then I disappeared made my way back to the Cullens."
"I'm glad... you killed them all if even one lived I would've tracked down the descendants and made them pay" says the brunette , she softened at the vulnerability on Rosalie's face.she doesn't pity rose , she knows the vampire is stronger for it but it seems like Bella's words set her back.
She realizes what triggered the episode.
"It's because I said I loved you isn't it?" She asks knowingly. Golden eyes snap back to blue confirming with a small nod.
"I know you're not like him... god knows I do ... but he was the last person to say they loved me .. his betrayal of that love hit me deeper than I realized. I truly thought I was over my past ... but I guess hearing those words again brought back the memories."
Bella chastises herself "I won't say it then , if it brings up so much pain .. I don't think I'll say it okay?" She tries to fix her blunder.
Rosalie shakes her head quickly "no ... no don't .. please I know you're not him and I think if you say it it'll help me rewrite the awful memories attached to the words"
Silence rings through the room before she settles with a " okay ..."
Rosalie manages a small smile ... " okay .."
Bella reaches slowly out for rose who accepts her hold, she wraps her arms around the vampire. She inhales the vampires scent with a pleased sigh.
The next words are barely above a whisper but Rosalie hears it a clear as day.
"I love you Rosalie Hale, more than words could ever express"
She barely flinches this time, it feels better , hurts a little less. And she lets a small content smile cross her lips. She might not be able to say it back yet ... but she knows she well on her way too.
A/N alright this was totally unexpected to be honest. I didn't even think to write this chapter but I think it fits ... I think I clarified that rose had no problem with physical intimacy but no one said anything about emotionally.
The words are a trigger to her , one she didn't even know she had until she heard it.
And I'm sure no one expected that
Anyways enjoy.