"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Proverbs 16:24

"I never thought I'd be able to tell anybody about that. I never thought I'd want to either. Not even Soda or my dad."

Laura sat across from Steve, as he recounted the aftermath of their previous session. "That's a very sensitive and delicate topic, Steve. So it doesn't surprise me that you were hesitant. I remember when you first shared those reactions and feelings with me and how difficult it was, even in the context of therapy."

Steve stared out the window that had yellow curtains framing it, the light from outside beckoning him forward into exploration. "I remember too. I had to remember cause what you said to me about my body responding was really important. I mean, I knew it already, but to hear it from somebody else was different, especially after I'd kept it inside for all that time."

"I can see how hearing that particular fact spoken aloud would help affirm your perspective."

"Yeah, cause it can be hard to talk against the shame in my head, you know? It doesn't listen to reason."

"I'm very glad to hear how you're able to validate the feelings you experience, while also acknowledging the limitations tied to emotions. They tell you a great deal about your response to the abuse and how you've coped with the trauma, but they don't give you a full and complete picture."

"No. They sure don't. It's like they're there for me to figure out and try to understand. They tell me stuff about myself and what happened, but they can't do everything cause they're feelings."

"So when you were talking to Sodapop, how did it feel to have his support in untangling the shame that's a result of the abuse? I know hearing my view helped you, but what was it like to have that from someone in your personal life?"

"It was good, even if I feel like there must be a better word for it. There's always something about admitting stuff outloud when it's scary. It lifts a burden, you know? It's not like I really thought Soda would look at me differently or be freaked out or anything bad, but it's still comforting to have somebody listen and just love me, no matter what I'm saying."

"Of course. Especially after the type of trauma you suffered, the unconditional support is extremely valuable."

"Yeah, and I always know I have places to get that. I don't ever have to worry about it not being okay to share what's in my head. It makes me feel so much freer too cause there's nothing I need to hold back when I'm talking. Me and Soda even talked about sex and that kind of stuff because I get worried it'll never be right for me."

"That's a very common and legitimate concern, Steve. One I'm glad you're able to address while you aren't in a romantic relationship. I know some of your anxiety is in light of what took place between you and your last girlfriend, but it's still helpful to explore it without any kind of current pressure."

"Yeah, I mean, after what happened with Evie, I feel like I at least know what I could need to prepare for. I know what that kind of touch can trigger, and I won't ever go into anything sexually like I'm blind to that. Soda asked me if it's thinking about a physical relationship triggering the flashbacks that scares me or if it's the thought that another woman could react the way Evie did. I told him it's both. And I guess, well, I'm not exactly looking right now or anything, but I want to be with somebody one day."

"That's a very rational desire, and your fears are just as founded, given the trauma. But the fact that you're here acknowledging this will have a benefit. I think you'll have the foresight to handle the issues a sexual situation could bring. Actually, all of our sessions and the work you've been doing to understand and overcome your trauma will go a long way toward helping you navigate future romantic relationships."

"I sure hope so. That's basically what Soda thinks too cause I'll be able to talk about this kind of stuff with the woman before anything happens. I just can't imagine having to go the rest of my life fearing a certain sort of touch because of my abuse and those memories. Honestly, it makes me think about how that's all different for me though and not just in a bad way."

"What all is different for you?"

"Touch. Even when it's not sexual. And maybe that's not only because of the abuse. It could be just me. But I kind of feel like it'd make sense if I hated being touched at all. I don't though. It might sound strange, but I like it a lot."

"It doesn't sound strange, Steve. It sounds genuine and human. You're right that it would make sense if you weren't comfortable with physical contact. Conversely though, it also makes sense that you value it more. You have every reason to appreciate that expression of love when you know all too well how touch can be abused."

"Yeah, it makes sense to look at it like that too. I guess I got to thinking about this cause of how Evie's touch was confusing for me then. It felt good, but it still reminded me and brought up those memories. So, as much as I wanted to go further with her, I also didn't."

"You were still in the midst of initially facing what happened to you as a child and learning how to cope with its effects. So of course, sexual involvement seemed incompatible with your recovery at the time, especially given that it triggered a flashback. You had a trauma reaction that didn't reflect your present desires or feelings."

"Yeah. I think I understand it now, as painful as it was then. But another thing that got me thinking about touch and all was something Ponyboy said. It wasn't a big deal, but he told me he saw me and Soda hugging each other the other night."

"Okay. So was there a reason he pointed this out to you?"

"Just that it made him think of how he's given me a hard time about my friendship with Soda. Like he resented us acting like we're brothers when we're not, even though there was really other stuff going on with him. So seeing a moment like the one we were having, that made him get more of what it means to be brothers, besides being related."

"So Ponyboy witnessing this was something good then."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm glad he's coming around about certain stuff with Soda anyway. He's had a hard time, and I've hated seeing Pony and Soda not getting along great. That just ain't right cause I know they love each other."

"Let's back up to how you were thinking about touch. You said physical contact is something you're comfortable with, and I'm taking that to mean in the context of family or brotherly relationships, given what I know about the roles those have in your life."

"Yeah. Cause it's not like I'm dating or anything right now. Even if or when I do, I'm not sure how it'll be. I'd like to think I'll be able to handle holding hands and kissing. Stuff that's nice, but not any pressure."

"Taking out the overtly sexual component frames physical contact in a way that feels much safer for you."

"Yeah. Cause then, it's like the touch is about a different thing. It isn't about having or wanting sex or about our bodies at all. I think that's what it was about for Clara, even though I know it was about manipulating me too."

"So when you think of the platonic touches between you and the people you love, what would you say those are about?"

"Well, I would say they're about love, but that hardly scratches the surface. And touch in a sexual romantic relationship is supposed to be about that too."

"Yes. It absolutely is."

"So I guess it's about being connected and close in a way that we can feel. And maybe it depends who I'm talking about too. With my dad, it's about having what we didn't when I was younger. Our relationship has grown so much, and touch is a way to show that. When he holds me, I feel safe and protected, even if I've got something going on inside."

"You have a comfort in your dad now that you didn't in the years immediately following the abuse."

"Yeah. I do. And with Soda, I think the touch is about being present with each other. After everything we've been through, physically hanging on feels important. But that's true for me and my dad too."

"The physical contact is about expressing the attachments you have. Affection helps foster deeper bonds and fulfills an emotional need."

"Yeah. Cause I do need that. I need the bonds and the touch. It actually makes me think of the time Soda and me were talking through his suicidal thoughts, and I put a blanket around him. I told him it was an anchor because all that stuff was tough for him to say."

"You've referred to both Sodapop and your dad as anchors before because of physical contact that helped when you were in distress."

"Yeah. They have been that by holding my hand and hugging me for as long as I needed it. And I know, for Soda, touch helps him and so does anything physical that he can feel. That's why I gave him the blanket and why I stayed close. He did the same thing for me on Saturday night when I was telling him everything about the day I overdosed."

"So you did decide to have that conversation with him. How did it go?"

"Just like I needed it to. The whole time, it felt like I was sharing what I was meant to share for me and for Soda too. I talked through all of it and apologized for how that day was for him. But not out of the guilt I had then. Out of empathy because I know how it feels for me when he hurts, and I know what it's like to feel guilty for things I couldn't control. Soda sat there with me the whole time and listened. And when he hugged me, I hugged him back as tight as I could cause being held like that, whether it's by him or my dad or even Darry or Samuel, it always makes me feel like I'm right where I belong."

"Hey, Pony kid, watch this!"

Pony stood on the porch, a Pepsi in his hand, as he watched TwoBit do a cartwheel across the front yard. "Looks like you've mastered it, TwoBit."

TwoBit did two more cartwheels, both successful, before he joined Pony on the porch. "So I heard you and Soda are doing better."

"Who told you that?"

"Steve-O himself did, and I know he's usually got a front-row seat to everything that goes on around here."

"That's true. He does. And Soda and me are a lot better. I went to his appointment with him yesterday too."

"That's real tuff, Kiddo. I'm glad you got to do that."

"Yeah. Me too. I even told him what I told you about why I felt like I did. I wasn't sure if I could do it til the words were already coming out of my mouth."

"It must've been rough on Soda to hear that."

"Yeah, that's why I did it in Dr. Morgan's office. I'd already apologized and told him I love him, but he deserved even more than that. He deserved the whole explanation and to know that, no matter what I'm feeling, none of this will ever happen again."

"Hey, what are you doing here, man?"

Soda sat near the fish tank in the waiting room, knee bouncing up and down, as his eyes shifted to see Steve had emerged from his counseling session. "Waiting for you to be done. Like you've been doing for me."

Steve started to close the door that led to the hallway where Laura's office was, only for an idea to come to him.

Soda stood up from his chair, seeing Steve look into the hallway. "What are you doing?"

Steve saw Laura step back into her office, the door ajar, as he beckoned Soda over. "Come with me for a second, buddy."

Soda followed Steve into the hallway that was unfamiliar to him. "Why?"

Steve led the way toward Laura's office, draping his arm around Soda's shoulders, as they walked together. "I want you to meet Laura." He stopped near the door and knocked, peeking inside to see his counselor at her desk. "Hey, Laura?"

Laura looked up from the folder she was searching through. "Oh. Do you need something else, Steve?"

Steve stepped into the office, nudging Soda along with him. "No. I just want you to meet Sodapop."

Soda felt Steve give his shoulders a squeeze, as he waved to Laura. "Hi. Um, I know you've heard a lot about me. But it's good to meet you."

Laura got up out of her chair and went to stand in front of Soda, holding her hand out to him. "Hello, Sodapop. I'm so glad to meet you."

Steve kept his arm around Soda's shoulders, as his best friend shook hands with his therapist. "Yeah. I was leaving, and I found Soda in the waiting room. I didn't even know he was here."

Soda released Laura's hand, as he looked around her office for a moment, before meeting her eyes. "Cause Steve's been there for me a lot after I see Dr. Morgan. I want to be here for him too. And, speaking of that, thank you for giving him her number for me."

Laura smiled at Soda, accepting the gratitude. "You're welcome. I'm happy Dr. Morgan turned out to be a good match for you."

Soda's gaze shifted to Steve, staring at him for a second, his eyes then wandering around the room, where he knew his best friend had spoken of his own trauma and darkness every week for a year. "I shouldn't only tell you thank you for that though. Cause you've done so much more. Thank you for helping my best friend."

"It's all I've been able to think about since Penny told me she'd made her decision."

Nicholas sat beside Samuel, the two men on one of the church's second-row pews. "Well, this is a big deal, so of course you're thinking about it all the time. But not only that, you just told me you were considering looking into adoption less than two weeks ago, and here there's already a plan starting to happen."

Samuel picked up the hymnal from the holder attached to the pew in front of him. He flipped through the pages, seeing the musical notes and lyrics of faith. "Yes. That's true. It was fast because I didn't even hesitate in talking to Sodapop. I'm so glad I did too because this is the way. I just know it is. I'm looking forward to being a dad, and Vivian's looking forward to being a mom."

Nicholas waited a moment for Samuel to continue, seeing the preacher's gaze cast down toward the hymnal in his lap, the page turned to Amazing Grace. "Are you scared?"

Samuel nodded, his eyes remaining focused on the lyrics and notes that moved together in perfect harmony. "Yes. And I'm ashamed of that. It's not that I'm not happy. I am. But it's overwhelming too. Like a whirlwind is blowing in and changing our lives."

"That fear's not anything to be ashamed of. I know, if it were me, you'd say it's just part of being human. You and Vivian are going to adopt a baby, and that really is a big change. It would be for anyone, but you have the grief on top of all the joy, and it's not like this is just any baby."

"That's all true. It's Penny's baby. Sodapop's baby. I feel like this has an ever greater purpose too, besides giving us the opportunity to be parents again."

"It gives them something too. I've known Sodapop since he was five, and I can't see him ever being all right with his baby being placed for adoption and never getting to see his child."

"I know. I can't either, and I've barely known him a year. If an agency were to find adoptive parents for them, the baby could go anywhere. Even if they got a say in which family, that'd probably be it. The adoption would be closed. I know that's what many would want because it's painful to let go of a child, and this is a pregnancy that happened out of wedlock, but it doesn't seem to be the answer for Sodapop or for Penny. They both want more than that, and there's no way this timing is an accident."

"Give me the keys, Stevie. I'm drivin' you home."

Steve walked with Soda to the parking lot that was right outside Laura's office building. "You didn't bring your car?"

Soda caught the keys Steve tossed to him, as they both went toward the Ford that was parked on the other end of the lot. "Nah. I dropped it at home, then walked here, so I could stay with you."

Steve climbed into the passenger side, as Soda got behind the wheel, both doors closing almost simultaneously. "Were you that worried about me?"

Soda fiddled with the keys in his hands for a few moments, the dull ache that moved through his fingers a reminder of more than one trauma. "Yeah. I guess I was. It ain't just that though. I wanted to do something for you too."

"Why were you worried?"

"Cause I know your last couple of sessions have been tough. I mean, you had that real bad flashback, then last week, you were talking about how those feelings come back to you."

"Yeah. That's true. I was telling Laura about how I shared those feelings and stuff with you that day. You know, the shame and all. Cause I hadn't told anybody else before, besides her."

"Oh."

"We talked a lot about touch, as weird as that might sound."

"It doesn't sound weird, Stevie. It sounds like something you should talk about after what you went through."

"Yeah. I guess I just never expected to be the way I am."

"And what way is that?"

"Never mind, man. Aren't you going to drive us home?"

Soda hesitated for a moment, before sliding the key into the ignition and starting the car. "Yeah. I am."

Steve watched Soda's hand go to the gear shift, only to keep the Ford in neutral. "Soda? Are you hurting or something?"

"Um, yeah, a little bit."

"So do I need to drive?"

"No. That's not- I mean, it's not why we're still here."

"Then why?"

Soda turned the car off, resting his head on the steering wheel, as he felt warm air drift in through the rolled-down windows. "Cause I was worried about more than what I said."

Steve, ever-mindful of the topics he had just been discussing with Laura, reached over and touched Soda's shoulder. "Hey, we can talk all you want, buddy. But let's go to my house. It's probably better not to have heavy conversations in the parking lot."

Soda lifted his head up, as he put a hand on Steve's arm. "Thanks for being so patient with me, Stevie."

"You're always patient with me too. Besides, I know if I'm not, you'll shut down on me, and I sure as hell don't want that. You don't ever just have a hard time saying something for no reason either."

"No. I really don't." Soda started the car again, this time shifting it into reverse. "So let's go to your house, and hopefully, both of us can find a way through what we need to say."

"You ever think about what it means to be a Greaser, TwoBit?"

TwoBit laid his head on the back of the Curtis' couch, eyes staring up at the ceiling, before they moved to Pony. "Maybe. But not very much anymore. I ain't just some label. You ain't one either, Kiddo. Neither are your brothers or Steve. We're just guys."

Pony looked at TwoBit's grey eyes that still held their comical nature, but were now mixed with so much more than he'd been able to grasp before the last two years. "We are that. We're just people. Plain, ordinary people."

TwoBit cracked a grin at that, giving Pony a weak shove. "Hey, we ain't plain or ordinary. Don't go swingin' from one end to the other here, Pony. It's like another label."

"So what are we then?"

"A bunch of brothers. No matter what we thought we were a while ago or how we tried to act like a gang, it's what we've always been."

"We've been spillin' our guts to each other everyday, Stevie."

Steve settled beside Soda, handing his best friend one of the two mugs of hot chocolate he'd brought to his bedroom. "We have. It just seems to be the way things are for now."

Soda held the mug close to his face, breathing in the warmth and the aroma. "I wonder if my kid will drink hot chocolate one day."

"Probably will, man. Who knows? Maybe you'll get to drink it with the kid."

"I sure hope so."

Steve sipped the hot chocolate, as he sat back against his mattress. "So what were you so worried about with me, besides what you already said?"

"I worry too damn much."

"And you've got good reasons for that."

Soda took a long swallow of hot chocolate, then set his mug down on the floor, his eyes meeting Steve's. "I think I just got where I was scared you could end up being suicidal again. So I wanted to be there in case you had those thoughts."

"I couldn't be further from that, buddy. Sometimes, I think I'm going to hit another patch with the suicidal thoughts, but it's not where I am right now. Is there something that made you get scared today?"

"Yeah. There is. But it's just cause I'm overthinking all of it. I shouldn't be-"

"Don't try to brush your fear off like that, man. Whatever made you scared, the feeling is valid. It doesn't matter how you got there. So please don't gloss over it, especially when it's about stuff like this. You don't have to reason it away with me because all I'm wanting to do is listen and say anything I can to help."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just tryin' to get things straight in my head to explain it. I ain't tryin' to brush anything off."

"Sorry I got hung up on that, buddy. But take what I said to heart anyway cause it's not about what you should or shouldn't think or feel. I guess I've been the same way with myself about downplaying what's in my head, and I never want to see you do that with anything you've got going on inside."

Soda reached for Steve's hand and squeezed it. "Of course I'll take it to heart cause I know you're right, and I wouldn't want you to do that either."

Steve gave Soda's hand a return squeeze. "So let's get back to it then, man. What scared you? Why were you worried about me?"

"Just cause of how you told me everything about your overdose on Saturday night. I wasn't sure if going back into that day could trigger all of those thoughts again, especially since you've had the shame come back to you lately too. And even besides that, you've helped me with the thoughts I've had. Like when I was feeling like I wanted to sleep and got the cough syrup. So I got worried that you'd talk about things you were feeling with Laura and need some support after."

"You're right about how any of that stuff could be a trigger, buddy. So it's not overthinking at all. I want you to know that. I also want you to know I'm not having any suicidal thoughts. Not even a little bit."

Soda let go of Steve's hand, then wound his arms around him. "I know I just wrote it in my letter the other day, but is it all right if I tell you I love you?"

Steve hugged Soda back, resting in the affection he'd found filled a hole he hadn't even always known was there. "Of course it's all right, brother. You can say it any time you want. It's making me think of what I said earlier too about the way I am."

"What were you talking about then?"

"Moments like this one. Because I was telling Laura how I like to be held and touched and that it's important to me to be close. But it's not something I expected from myself, you know?"

"Yeah. Cause we're supposed to be tough guys who don't show our feelings or anything like that. We're not supposed to be soft."

"But we screwed over that whole image a long time ago, didn't we, buddy? Cause we're not some rep we've gotta hang onto, especially when we're alone. We're best friends that love each other as much as blood brothers, and we don't have a problem saying it."

"Yeah, and we don't have a problem showing it either."

"Of course we don't." Steve pressed his lips to the side of Soda's head, the kiss now a familiar gesture of brotherhood. "And I think that's the best way for us to be."

"I want to love you tonight, Vivian. With the kind of abandon I did years ago."

Vivian lie on the bed she shared with Samuel, as her husband's body pressed against her own, their lips meeting in a kiss that could only lead to more.

Samuel lost himself in his wife, his thoughts and anxieties drifting away, as he sought to make love to her. I'm going to do it, he thought. Even if it's only for tonight, I'm going to silence the fear.

"Hey, Son. Did Sodapop go home?"

Steve let himself into Nicholas' room, sitting down on the bed. "Yeah. I drove him home real quick since we both came over here in my car."

Nicholas took out a pair of pants and a shirt, hanging both on his closet door, before he joined Steve. "So he just came to Laura's office to wait for you, huh?"

"Yeah. And while he was there, I got him to meet Laura. I figured it's about time since I've met Dr. Morgan and all."

"How's Sodapop doing about the adoption and everything?"

"He's coping. It's hard anyway, even though this is what he was hoping for."

"I'm sure it must be. I met Samuel at the church earlier, and we talked for a while."

"I bet he's got a lot going on in his head too. It's a big deal for all of them. But, um, I didn't come in here to talk about that. Or about anything, really."

"Okay. Is there something else you need?"

"Yeah. I just want to be close to you, Dad." Steve put his arms around Nicholas, soaking in the feeling, as he felt his dad hold him tight, his spirit savoring the warmth in the embrace. "And I want to tell you I love you. I'll never be afraid to say it or show it. It doesn't matter how old I am, I'll always feel safe in your arms."