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His steps and the movement of the wheelchair echoed throughout the ship. Carter felt herself calming down a bit after leaving the kitchen. She knew she reacted irrationally but she just didn't need yet another reminder of her helplessness. While everyone did their best to keep her spirits up, she still had a lot of time to ponder the possible future without sight. And it scared the hell out of her.

There wasn't much scientific scrutiny that didn't need functioning eyes. Would they keep her on for her knowledge and experience, letting her guide others? Would she even want that? Being reminded all the time of what she wasn't capable anymore? She would be medically discharged from the Air Force, no doubt about that one. Where would that left her? No one mentioned anything about a family, so she probably had nothing to look forward to in that department either, despite the memory of receiving a diamond ring. It was natural, she guessed, given her work that relationships would not work out. Who wants a spouse that was not able to talk about their day and that might disappear out of nowhere for months, only to come back blind or mutilated or something similar?

"Carter, I can hear you think. Stop that. This is supposed to be an R&R tour."

"Yes, sir." She nodded pensively, putting her hands on the armrests.

"Also stop ignoring me. Otherwise I'll be really hurt."

That drew out a little laugh from her, making her wonder how come he always knew what to say to her. "Sorry, sir."

"Good."

"It's just that Laura said something that I can't get out of my head."

He could see the hesitation as clearly as if it was written in her eyes. Her hands were shaking and she slumped even further into the wheelchair.

"Out with it, Carter. I am here for you."

"She asked me if I even wanted to remember."

"What?" Jack's fury at the suggestion definitely shocked her, especially after he promised to be there for her. He scolded himself internally for snapping at her. That wasn't going to help.

"Don't get me wrong, I know my brain is of great importance and that includes my memories, I just… It was more a philosophical debate. I mean, it would probably be easier to block memories than to mediate access to them, but I don't think I'd be comfortable taking it so far."

"No offense, but I don't think I have ever heard anything that stupid." He said in a lowered voice, trying to make a better impression than his yelling before undoubtedly made.

"Sorry, sir, I-I… It's…"

"No, Carter. You can tell me anything. I'm just surprised at the direction this conversation took." He sighed, stopping in the corridor. "Let's get in here, it's one of my favorite hiding spots on the ship. I come here to think." He wheeled her into the small room and then sat on one of the boxes opposite her. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed again, this time much louder. "Carter, where is this coming from?"

"When I didn't shoot Jonas when I had the chance, I endangered the whole team." Her voice was barely a whisper as she finished the sentence.

So that was what she remembered. O'Neill suspected it might have been something like that. She was the embodiment of uncertainty as of that moment. Her jaw was clenched in anxiety, while she waited for his judgement.

"Carter. We've talked about it then, before we headed back to SGC. So let me remind you that shooting an unarmed man isn't something to be proud of. And just for the record, even with him dead it wouldn't be an easy mission for us. His followers would have made sure of that."

She seemed genuinely taken aback by his reaction. Her tense body visibly relaxed. With a little voice, she added another sentence. "I just can't believe I didn't see him for what he was sooner."

"That's not your fault. People sometimes hide their true nature very deep." He leaned in and took her hand in his. He was able to sense how quickly her heart was beating and it still showed someone in much distress.

"I know." Those two little words were full of angst. The way she said them, slowly and quietly added even more to their weight.

"Carter? It was never about the potential of your brain that might be lost if you don't remember. It's about you."