Chapter Thirty-Four: A Label, Assignment, Treaty

"Name, religion, race and creed

I wonder

Who am I without these?

My state of being or color of my skin

I wonder

What are the criteria of their categorizing?"

― Moeeza Azeem, Fragments of Nothingness

It was the day before we returned to school, so why was Kou in my room and in the closet like I'm late for something? I open my eyes and I think it is still before sunrise. Maybe it is but I can't tell as I close my eyes and replace my blanket on top of my face.

"Susan-sama, you have to wake up," Kou complains as he has entered the room once again.

I groan as I stretch under the covers. Maybe if I hide here and he can't see me, then I won't have to wake up. Kou grabs the blanket a second later and I am subjected to his sunny expression. I frown, my energy still having been low from the past few weeks. As it was I felt more normal yesterday after yelling at my gang once again for walking in on me and Ritsu. I put the blanket back over my face and sigh.

Would I really have slept with Ritsu? Was it really so bad that I wanted to? I don't know if they said I was just doing it because I didn't want him to leave or if I truly wanted to be that close. I know that I was mad at them for stopping me but also not unappreciative that they did stop me. Maybe I just wanted it to be more special. Or maybe, I am overthinking everything and should just follow my feelings.

"Susan," Kou whines and pulls the cover off me once again. "We have a meeting and you need to get up."

"Meeting?" I ask as I rub my eyes. The light is brighter in the room and it must be dawn. "With who?"

"Someone requested an audience," the boy replies, and I look at him carefully. The boy is already dressed in formal wear and has a kimono on the chair picked out from the closet. The kimono is a dark maroon color with a fish scale pattern all over it and Kou's blue yukata matches the pattern.

"That isn't a formal one kimono, so who is it? You know if it's another don, I would say for it to be formal," I reply as I sit up.

My hands are dry and the nail beds I picked out of oblivion are finally healing. No thanks to Neosporin and Kou's very method of slathering it on every single night. Kou opens a dresser drawer and gets a thigh holster for one of my guns. Weird, he normally lets me pick my hoster out. I normally wear a shoulder holster so I can reach my gun quicker and he knows that I would wear it with my kimono especially.

I can feel my stomach drop as I wonder just who wants an audience. Somehow the name of the largest yakuza pops into my head and I bit my lip. Can they have already received word about me and Ritsu? Are there rumors of our relationship and possible merging of gangs that are threatening our own family? I have to find a way for my gang to not suffer for my own folly.

"It's not a formal one. You just need to get ready, we need to leave in twenty minutes," Kou replies in a hurry. He grabs a hair comb from the jewelry case and I can see it has red and white flowers.

"Why are we leaving for the audience? Kou, what is going on?" I ask and know that this isn't a regular audience. Why the hell are we leaving? Why am I not in formal wear? Kou looks at me and then turns away with a guilty look. He's going to lie to me. "Kou, tell me now."

"Vito," he starts and I quirk my head. This can't be good and I know that my godfather was scheming the entire time he was here.

Vito left yesterday morning and he didn't tell me anything but a cryptic, 'when you meet him, you should let your men talk freely'. I know that if this has something to do with Vito it has something to do with Kasanoda. No doubt Vito has arranged something with Kasanoda as he had argued for the entirety of his stay.

I know that Vito was right. I didn't want to lose Ritsu but I also wasn't going to sacrifice my gang and their lives. We both knew that the only way that I would be able to make a plan of defense or just a plan in general would be with the support of the Kasanoda lord. His gang would be just in as much trouble as me if Ritsu didn't abandon his destiny. I was just stubbornly trying to put my head in the dirt and avoid a meeting.

"Are we going to Kasanoda?" I ask as I jump up from the bed. I need to tell Ritsu what is going on and see if he knows anything. Looking at the nightstand, I don't find my phone. Kou is running out of the room in another minute and I have a hunch he stole it.

"Get ready and I can fix your hair" Kou calls and I run after him.

"Kou why are we going to Kasanoda and can I have my phone back?" I yell and find that as I exit my room, I am barreling into Fu. The large man holds me as Kou's door shuts and locks. "Ugh, what are we going to go do?"

"Susan-sama, we are going to go to Kasanoda to speak to him about the situation," Fu replies calmly and I give him a confused look. Speak to him about the situation? 'We' are going to speak about the situation? When did I tell my men that I wanted to have a meeting? My face is fit into a frown and I know I almost have a childish pout.

"I said I didn't want to ask him. I told Vito that too, why did you set up an audience?"

"Vito instructed me to not listen to you and to take you to the audience. He said for myself and Kou to attend with you and that you are to look presentable. He said if we didn't listen that he would return and then take you himself," Fu replies slowly and I know that it is the truth.

Vito had hounded me all day yesterday before he left with conversations of premarital sex and how I need to speak to Kasanoda. Truth is that I did not want to because what if Ritsu was not permitted to be with me. What if his father had said that I was not acceptable? What if I was a bad fit and his father didn't allow me to see him? I give Fu an angry look with my own sabotaging thoughts barraging my brain. My hands go to my temples and rub harder as I try to get out of this and maybe save myself from whatever embarrassment I have to go through.

"You don't have to listen to him and we don't need help," I argue pathetically.

I know we need help and I know we will need to talk to Kasanoda eventually. I just didn't think we would have to do it before I got to see Ritsu again. God, why do I have to admit that I need some help? Stupid Ritsu, for lying to me, and now I have to be pushed into figuring this out before I have a chance to wrap my head around that I am in love with the son of another gang lord.

"If I do not listen to Vito, he will just come back and we will all be in trouble," Fu replies.

Vito had subjected Fu to constant questions-what was Japan like, where did he learn to cook, how was the school I went to, how did I deal with the gang, what should he do with his gang, could he stay here and be with us forever-all of which were more stupid than the last. He made a mess of the kitchen trying to make sauce without anything he actually knew he had. Vito also had a knack for waking everyone up because he was on a different time schedule and was bored. So, that was one thought we all shared. We absolutely did not want Vito to stay any longer than necessary.

"I know, I know. I love him but he can be a bit much," I reply as I turn around slowly. There is no way I am getting out of this and maybe it is for the best. Maybe this just gives me the excuse of being forced to talk to Kasanoda about what we need to do.

I might as well take a shower and look nice. I wonder if Ritsu knows about this scheme which was cooked up by a crazy little Italian godfather. As I turn back around to ask Fu just that, he has disappeared. He no doubt has to get ready also since he was in his pajamas still. Sighing, my body drags itself to the shower. I turn the hot water on and look in the mirror. My hair is a dark flop and there's a slight wave to it. It has grown longer since the last time I had cut it and it was on my shoulders, threatening to become a shag rather than my bob.

My eyes have dark circles under them and I wonder if I should start putting concealer on to hide my nightmares. They still plague me but now they just are for me alone and not for everyone in the home. I could only thank god that he doesn't force my men to hear my screams and allows it to be my own burden. Quickly showering, I am clean in no time, heading back to my room with a towel around me. I think I really did lose some weight with everything. I finally have my appetite back even though I still feel weak.

Returning to my bedroom, I find Kou sitting on the bed. He has pulled his hair back with some pins and is fiddling with the hem of his yukata. He's nervous? I mean, he normally isn't by my side with audiences, so maybe it's the feeling of not knowing. He'll do fine and I give him a reassuring smile as I grab some underwear from the drawer. Kou turns around as I begin to dress.

"Do you think Tetsuya will be there?" Kou whispers and I don't think he meant for me to hear it. I can't help but laugh at his worried tone. The boy lifts his head, still turned away from me and I know he is blushing bright red from being caught. This is totally like us, to be worried about the boys we love seeing us rather than the actual meeting with another gang lord.

"I think he will be there," I reply to him with a smile. I don't know the hierarchy at Kasanoda but I know that I will have to learn. God, I wonder if it's all messed up and they have no actual protocol for dealing with things.

"Susan, I-"

"If you are going to say you're worried, I am too," I reply quickly as I put on the first layer of kimono.

"I was going to say I'm sorry," Kou replies. The boy turns to look at me and my body stills. I slowly put my arm through the sleeve of the kimono and Kou fiddles with the quilt on my bed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have and I am sorry."

"I know," I say, walking to the boy with the obi in my hand. Kou takes it and turns me around as he ties it around me. "I know that you only wanted me to be happy. But we can't lie to each other anymore. You have to tell me things and I have to tell you things, no matter how much we think it will hurt the other person."

There is silence for a minute as we fix my kimono and I hear Kou take a deep breath. I wonder what is going through his head. I know that our actions have hurt us all. I shouldn't have fallen in love with Ritsu in the most stupid of ways. I should have known he was the heir to another gang. Ritsu shouldn't have lied to me no matter how scared he might have been. He and I should have allowed my gang to tell me. But they also should have protected me in that respect and told me. We have all made mistakes, all for trying to preserve a perfect dream instead of our reality. Kou takes another deep breath and I know he is going to say something but I have no clue about his anxiety.

"Okay, so have you had sex with Ritsu?" Kou asks quickly. He squeezes me too much with the obi but I had already lost my breath with the question.

"What?" I screech. "No, of course not."

"Well, I just wanted to know. You two looked like you were pretty, well, close," the boy mutters as he stands. Kou puts his hands in my hair and I know that he is going to put my hair up. "I just wanted to know, how, you know, it felt."

"I haven't had sex with him," I whisper. Kou gathers my hair and I feel him put a pin in it as well as the comb.

My thoughts return to a steamy make-out session I had with Ritsu. I can remember his hot breath and his soft hands touching me. I can remember pushing against him, hoping that somehow we could be closer than we were. Closing my eyes, I can swear that I feel the boy's kisses on my neck and shoulder. My face grows warm with the thoughts and the missed anticipation of doing more than just touching.

But as I close my eyes, there is a darkness. A darkness that threatens to swallow me alive. The hands which hold me turn harsh and I can feel my back ache as I wish that burns were never as consuming as they were. Sharply taking a breath, my mind threatens to fall into black but words ring out in my mind. Ritsu tells me he loves me, his hands never hard, and always asking for permission.

"Susan—"

"I think I would want to though."

The confession comes out of my mouth before I can review its effects. I know that I want to and I know that I won't be forced. Is it so bad to want something that has been stolen from me in the past so much? Is it ignorant for wanting to have sex when I was forced to so many times? Or is it just something that is the way that it is and doesn't have a right or wrong answer?

"I think I want to too, with Tetsuya," Kou whispers back. I feel him smooth the back of my kimono and know that both of our stomachs have butterflies in them. We are just two helpless teens who are in love and I know that even though our lives are intertwined with murder and violence, we have the same concerns, the same fears about sex.

"You two better be ready! Fu is in the car right now," Hana bursts into the room. Kou and I both jump slightly, no doubt embarrassed by our own thoughts of longing. I nod at her and realize that I didn't put my thigh holster on and I do not have a weapon. Quickly going to my weapon drawer, I pull out Sally and put her in my obi. The weapon isn't at all concealed and at this point, I do not care.

"No holster?" Haru asks me as we meet him in the hallway. I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. It's better that I don't go like I am a gang lord. I have a feeling that this meeting isn't going to go at all the way that I wanted to.

Leaving the house, my men are solemn and I have no strength to tell them any orders before I leave. They line the way to the stairs and I just bow to them slowly. Keeping my head down, I feel shame fill my entire body. I have been a horrible boss. They should have a better leader and I know it. They are such a good gang though, they will support me regardless of my heart's stupid desires.

"Be safe Susan-sama," some yell, and I smile at them as I rise. I have not been a boss that I would want to be yet they still tell me to be safe; I have to be a good boss for their sake. I hurry with Kou down the stairs and find Fu by the car. Haru gets into the driver's seat while Hana gets into the passenger. I suppose we're all going to be in the back since we're leaving.

"Kou, you have to sit in the middle," Fu tells the young boy.

"Aww, but I wanted the window for once."

"Don't be such a baby," I say as we sit back and Haru drives away. "The ride isn't that long."

The ride isn't long at all and I am already nervous. What am I doing? We are going to have an audience with another gang lord and I have no clue what my plan is or what to say. Is Ritsu going to be there? Are we going to tell him that we should merge? Am I going to tell him I am in love with Ritsu? What do we even want? What do I even want?

I want Ritsu.

"Susan, come on," Kou pushes as the door is held open by Fu. Somehow I am not myself still. I still feel so foggy.

"I'm going," I reply and reach for Fu's outstretched hand. Fu watches me carefully, wondering why I am like this. "I'm fine."

"Tell me, please," Fu begs as he holds my hand tighter. Enough of lies and hiding things for all of us.

"I am just nervous. I don't know what the hell I am going to do," I confess. The man pulls me out of the car and into his arms for a hug. I feel safe and curl myself into him more. As I pull away, I give a soft smile. We are beginning anew yet he still loves me like a daughter. Fu smiles down at me and I can see Kou pace behind him.

"I know but with this, it's not going to be the same as other audiences. Vito said, 'follow my lead'" the man replies and I shake my head.

"I don't like it when Vito thinks he can do things better than me."

"He also said that no matter how much you want to talk, that you shouldn't. He said that you should let us handle it and you just be with Ritsu," Fu says as we go towards the Kasanoda syndicate.

Despite being here twice, I have yet to actually look at it. There is grass on the side of the large home and a cherry blossom tree. Men around the syndicate have a separate area to the right. It's not that different from our syndicate. The men though here, they tense and show their guns, some of them coming to us.

Turning into the gangster mode of the lord I am and have become, I give them a deadly look. Men of all sizes freeze and I finally stop us before we can go further to the house. A blonde man stands in the doorway. Kou tenses next to me and I reach out and grab his sleeve. We'll be okay. Everything will be okay. I nod at Tetsuya and we continue our path into the house. When we get there, I notice that Tetsuya is in formal wear also. He will be joining us most likely.

"Thank you," Fu mutters as Tetsuya leads us through the house.

We aren't going to the office we had been to before. Instead, Tetsuya takes us past the kitchen and into the dining room. There sits a large kotatsu table and floor seats. The side of the house and grass seen through sliding doors. Kasanoda sits at the head of the table and his son sits to the right of him. Kasanoda is dressed in a black yukata and his face is solemn and angry.

"Susan," Ritsu says as he goes to stand. I hurry to him and stand before the boy. His eyes take me in and he exhales. "Do you know what's going on?"

"Not really," I reply.

Kasanoda lets out a sigh and we turn to him. He motions for us to sit and Ritsu takes the seat closer to his father as I sit next to him. My men sit across from Kasanoda and Tetsuya joins his own boss. There is silence for a second and I can only say that this is a dream. A really foggy dream but I don't think there is anything that I can do to make this any clearer.

"Okay, so why are we here?" Ritsu asks and I somehow lean closer to the boy. He wears a black formal yukata like his father and I can see his hand move from the corner of my eye. I move my hand to him under the table and we intertwine our pinkies.

"Thank you so much for meeting with us," Fu addresses Kasanoda. The old man bows his head slightly and Ritsu pulls my hand. I look towards the boy and he frowns. He doesn't like how I am not leading this meeting. Turning my head to him as I pull the boy towards me, I whisper a secret.

"Vito arranged this. Told Fu that he was leading it and for me to not talk," I whisper conspiratorially. Ritsu nods and then turns his head to tell me what he knows.

"My dad said it was something about us and made me get dressed up," he groans. I smile at him being angry about dressing up and the boy leans in secretly to give me a kiss on my temple. Ritsu's father clears his throat and we both flinch with the sound and getting caught.

"Yes, thank you for meeting with us also," Kasanoda replies, and I find my eyes looking towards him. The man gives me a soft smile and then turns back to Fu and Kou. Tetsuya smiles at us and I can feel myself blush slightly. This meeting is about us and I didn't doubt that but Ritsu being here also means that we are to be seen and not necessarily heard.

"As you might know Kasanoda-sama, Susan and your son have been in love for quite some time," Fu leads off and I glance at Ritsu to catch him blushing also. I grab his hand tighter and he intertwines our fingers. "We would like to see what you think about them continuing this relationship and what it means for our gangs."

"I would want to know first, how long have they been seeing each other. Seeing as how Ritsu has avoided the topic and Tetsuya has said he was sworn into secrecy, I would want some answers. I need to know she isn't doing this just for control of my gang," Kasanoda says strictly.

Ritsu grabs my hand harder and I yank it. My boyfriend looks at me with anger and I shake my head. We are only supposed to be here and Fu will handle it. As much as I hate to think about it, this is how I would imagine an arranged marriage meeting would go. Fu is my father and Kou and Tetsuya are the closest things to siblings we have.

"They have been seeing each other for close to five months now," Fu informs Ritsu's father. Tetsuya and Kou look at each other and they silently nod to corroborate the story. "They met when doing the music club and they have a student at the orphanage. They spend lots of time with the kids on the weekend."

"Ah," Ritsu's father chuckles and I am forced to see the man's expression when we fall silent. The man looks at me happily and I don't know what I expected. I just know that I did not expect him to like me. "Well, since they are here and I am assuming holding hands underneath this table, I don't believe we can ask them to break it off that easily."

"I don't think so," Tetsuya smirks and I stick my tongue out slightly. Kasanoda laughs again and I see him turn his eyes upon his son. Ritsu tenses again and I rub his hand lightly with my thumb. We are doing okay so far, they haven't said we can't be together.

"Son, why didn't you tell Crea-san who you were?" the man asks and I tense and look down at the table. The grain of the wood becomes very interesting and Ritsu takes a deep breath. He lied to me and I know he did but he was scared. We are fixing everything. We are meeting and finding out what we can do. They won't make us break up, at least not right now with this conversation.

"I didn't want to lose her. Susan is the best thing that has ever happened to me and she understands me. She isn't scared of me and I feel like I can be who I am with her," Ritsu confesses. I smile and know that this is the truth. He didn't want to lose me and I never want to lose him.

"And Crea-san have you forgiven him?" Kasanoda asks and I lift my head. Ritsu doesn't make an effort to look at me so I won't have to lie. But I can tell by the way he traces circles on my hand that he wants me to say the truth, whatever that might be.

"I am still angry at him," I state quietly. Looking at Ritsu's father I can see his expressive eyes and notice that they're the same color as his son. "I know why he did what he did. I am angry at him for lying to me, but I forgive him. It doesn't mean that I don't wish he would have chosen differently but I know he was scared and to be honest, a little dumb, but I love him. He is sorry for this and we are learning."

"He can be hard-headed," Ritsu's father muses. I hear Kou choke on air and know that he wishes he could say the same about me.

"So can she," Fu says for Kou, and the men both chuckle with my misery. Ritsu sighs and I know that it is his misery too.

"Well, I am glad that Ritsu has found someone who he can trust."

"Yes, I am glad for Susan to have found Ritsu also."

"Okay well we're not dead," Ritsu mutters and this time I chuckle a bit.

They are just happy we found each other. The boy looks at me and we exchange a soft smile. I want to kiss him when he smiles like that. His eyes are so bright, his cheeks so prominent with his smile. His hair is so soft and there's a piece of it that is falling into his face. With my free hand, I grab the loose strand and put it behind his ear. I can feel the eyes on me from everyone but don't move my gaze from Ritsu and his sharp features and loving expression.

"I love him a lot," I whisper and I know the whole table hears it. Ritsu hears it and leans in softly as he pecks my lips with his. We come away and I hear a chuckle come from his father and wish I could just be with Ritsu and not everyone else.

"Well this is quite the surprise," Ritsu's father says and I finally have the realization that I don't see him as Ritsu's father enough. I see him as the lord of Kasanoda but, if everything goes smoothly, Ritsu would be in the same role. This man, more human and gazing at me with an excited smile is my boyfriend's father and not just a lord. Maybe that makes me more nervous than just thinking he is another Don.

"I think at this point, this is when we carry on negotiations without them," Fu proclaims strongly. I shift my gaze to the man and feel my body go stiff with fear. What the hell did he just say? Carry on negotiations without me? Me? Boss?

"Fu, I don't," I start, and then the large man slams his hand on the table, stern glare piercing my soul. Kou gives me a glare also while I open my mouth to negotiate the terms of the treaty. Fu's face only continues to get even harsher and I promptly close my mouth. Okay, so I can't negotiate but it's my gang.

"Dad, I don't know much but I think we should be able to negotiate terms together," Ritsu says and I don't know who taught Ritsu to talk like a gangster when his tone turns to anger. The boy grabs my hand tighter when his father shakes his head.

"No I think it is better for us to negotiate without your presence," Kasanoda tells his son and the man looks at me pleadingly.

"Fu," I say quietly and turn to my gang father. Fu turns to me and nods to hear what I will tell him. "Please don't do anything that I wouldn't do."

"Of course Susan," he says and I am distinctly aware that he left off the honorifics. He reaches out to me and strokes my cheek, reminding me of my own father. "Go walk around the syndicate and we'll come to get you when we're done."

I give a loud huff as Fu pats my cheek roughly. He gives me a stern look and I sigh as I pull Ritsu to stand with me. The boy doesn't want to leave but he knows that we will have to for now. He also knows that if I am leaving this quietly that we will just be listening behind the door to what they are saying. To hell if I am going to sit by and not know what the hell they are going to be negotiating for when this is my gang. Stupid Vito.

"Susan," Ritsu whispers, and I pout as I lead him towards the kitchen. I open the fridge just for something to do and wait for them to start talking. When I close it after a few seconds, I put my finger to my mouth to tell Ritsu to be quiet.

"We're going to listen," I whisper and the boy smiles with excitement that we will still hear what is going to happen when we were told to leave.

"Susan you better be gone," Kou yells and I shake my head at Ritsu. I will call Kou's bluff. I know that they won't get up to check, so this is just for show.

"Okay well let's continue Kasanoda-sama. My name is Fu and I am Susan's main caretaker while she is here. I promised her father I would keep her safe and he has suggested I conduct this meeting as his proxy."

"What?" I breathe out. Ritsu moves behind me as we put our ears to the wall leading to the dining room. The boy puts his arms around me and I lean into his hold. I glance back and tell him my thoughts. "I didn't know Fu spoke to my father about this."

"And you have already met Tetsuya-kun but please call me by my first name for this, Akira."

"Dad never lets anyone call him by his first name," Ritsu whispers in my ear. I feel his breath hot on my ear and I shudder with the contact. Akira? I didn't even know his father's first name and I should have a lot of information.

"I am Kou, and Susan has been under my care. I consider her my sister," Kou says and I can hear his voice break that he's so nervous. I press my ear to the wall and pray that my strength somehow transfers to my brother.

"Well, now we'll have to figure out what to do. At this point, I think we should make a treaty," Kasanoda says softly. "I know that Ritsu's mother would want me to do everything in my power to have them be together."

Ritsu stiffens and I don't think that his dad talks about his mom a lot. He holds me tighter to him and I grab his hand that is sitting on the top of my obi. The boy puts his face into my hair and inhales deeply. I listen to the silence and wonder what everyone's expression is and wonder what Ritsu's dad looks like. I wonder who he was when Ritsu's mom was alive and how they were as a couple. There must have been love there because the Lord is not willing to break us up.

"I would like to see them together also and we would be interested in creating a treaty," Fu replies in certainty.

"I would say we create a marriage alliance."

"I would agree."

"What?" I whisper and Ritsu's hand has begun to sweat. He squeezes my hand and I know that he didn't know what this was leading into. I know that it would be the best way but I didn't think they would suggest this so openly right now.

"I believe that when they are both 20 years of age, they should be married," Kou tells Kasanoda. The older man must give him a nod but there is only silence. "Until then, we can have them engaged with a treaty in place."

"Is merging the gangs in your interest or do you want for them to be figureheads and we set a council?" Kasanoda asks. I can't open my mouth in time to give a sigh or word of shock before Kasanoda goes on. "I would want them to both lead the gang. I have not taught Ritsu enough to lead on his own. I know that Crea-san, would be leading the men as well as teaching Ritsu. I do believe that what she does is the right decision."

"Would she be the lord upon your death for both gangs or upon the marriage?" Fu asks. That was dangerous to ask. If we hadn't confessed our love for each other minutes before, you could say that he would be suspicious. If I got the gang upon marriage, I would just wait until I'm 20. If it's when he dies, I could kill him before I'm even 20 and still be the leader of both gangs.

"Upon the marriage," the lord replies and I know that he was thinking the same as me. Silence falls over them and I have to understand what we are saying. Upon my marriage to Ritsu at age 20, we shall be the lords of both gangs.

"Let's go," I whisper to Ritsu and pull him away. We walk quietly into the hallway and I stand in shock. I know that this is crazy. I know that this is what I had wanted. I wanted Ritsu. I wanted my gang to be led by me. I wanted to merge the gangs so we wouldn't have to worry about Ritsu having to be ostracized by his own family, the people of his gang.

"Susan are you okay?" Ritsu whispers and I shake my head. I want to process this and I don't know how I could have gotten everything that I thought I wanted to do but have created this storyline for myself. "Come on, let's go to my room and we can talk."

I nod again and allow Ritsu to lead me to his room. It was down the hallway and when he opened the door I looked around the bare room. There was a platform bed and a poster with the word 'strength' behind it. A dresser and a coffee table were also in the room. Taking my gun out of my side, I lay it on the table and take a deep breath. I went to Ritsu's bed and sat on the end, the boy following me with an unsure face. The boy sits next to me but startles as I throw myself to lay on my back.

"What the hell is going on? It feels like I've been in a dream this whole summer," I rant quietly. Ritsu stares at the ceiling above us and I look over to him. "Did you hear them? We can merge the gangs but we will have to get married."

"Do you not want to get married?" Ritsu murmurs and I feel guilty. I had told him I would do it all for him, but that was when he was another boy. He's the same yet our circumstances are so different. I don't think I would choose any different now though. "I didn't know that they were going to say that stuff though."

"Remember when you told Makoto we would be his parents and then told me you wanted to marry me?" I muse as I feel sad that I am not as happy as I thought I would be about this. Maybe I am still in shock.

"Yah, I was nervous. I just wanted to stay with you and make you happy," Ritsu replies with a slight smirk.

"I still feel the same you know. I don't mind it but I just didn't expect it to be so-"

"Real?"

"Yah, real. I knew that was what I wanted but it somehow takes some of the magic away from it. I don't know," I reply quickly. This is what I wanted. I didn't want to lose Ritsu but somehow maybe this honeymoon is over and we have to face real life. "I don't know. I just feel like I haven't processed anything. I don't know, my head is so full of things and I am so tired."

"Have you been having nightmares?" Ritsu asks and I turn to look at him. He turns to look at me and I nod slightly. "Okay well it's pretty early, do you want to take a nap and we can talk about this later?"

"I think that would be okay. I just, I want to, I want to just be with you for a while."

"Okay, come on let's take a nap," he says as he goes higher on the bed. The boy kicks off his shoes that I didn't know he had and I kick my own off. We move to the head of the bed and I lay down. The boy looks into my hair and grabs the comb out of it, placing it on the nightstand next to him. I take off my obi and then put it on the nightstand next to me.

"Kou is going to kill me for wrinkling this kimono," I muse and Ritsu laughs as he lays down. I lay down next to him watching as he fixes his arm to be under the pillow. His eyes are so tired and I know that we both have been having such tough nights. The worry of our situation has been eating at us and I sigh. Ritsu looks at me and smiles softly, leaning forward to kiss my lips gently.

"Can I tell you something?" Ritsu asks quietly and I breathe in his scent. He smells like trees and grass somehow and I wonder what body wash he even uses.

"Of course," I tell him as I scooch closer to him.

"We don't have to do the treaty if you really don't want to, I can tell my dad and we can not do it."

"But, I," I whisper and see the boy's concerned eyes. He hasn't seen me this dull and it's different for him. I still feel so weak and I keep thinking in a haze. But I know that the treaty is what we should do, I just didn't consider the terms. I didn't think we would have to be in an arranged marriage this soon. "I don't want to call it off though. I want to do everything in the treaty."

"Are you sure because we can see about another way?" Ritsu argues and I watch as his eyes close and then open to look away. He doesn't want to do what he is saying but he wants to do what I want to do.

"No, I want to Ritsu," I reply strongly and the boy nods. "Do you?"

"Yes I do but I wish," the boy sighs deeply and looks at me with a blush. "I wish I could surprise you with everything, it kind of takes the parts I would like out of it."

I begin to laugh and Ritsu stiffens. I move closer to him and nuzzle my face into his chest. That's what he's worried about most? That he won't get to do a cool proposal or that we have to get married because it's arranged and not because we are so in love that we can't bear to be apart. I wrap my arm around him and then look up.

"Babe, you can do that kind of stuff. I promise I would still be surprised and happy and excited because it's you and you make me happy. Just because we have a treaty doesn't mean that we can't have fun or do things like a normal couple," I tell him and the boy puts his arm around me and squeezes. His face is turned away and he is bright red as he blushes.

"Okay, I was worried that you were just going to go through with it and you wouldn't want to talk to me or be like this because we have to get married," Ritsu says as he buries his face into my hair. I can feel the heat rise to my face.

"No, I still want to be with you. That's just something we tell people so the gangs know where we stand. Everything else for us can be normal. Your dad and Fu just want to make sure that the men understand who we are to each other. Everything needs a name or a place in the hierarchy and this just makes us able to be open about it," I reply as I think about this fully.

We both know that even if we somehow hate each other at the end of the day, the treaty will cease to exist. I also have to realize that Yamaguchi-gumi will see us as a threat when we solidify the treaty. If we merge then we will be so large that we will be a target. Though maybe with time and with preparation we could be okay. Ritsu holds me closer and I cease my thought process as I yawn.

"I love you," Ritsu whispers, and I smile at him. The boy kisses my forehead and I snuggle more into the pillow.

"I love you too. Now can we go to sleep?"

"Oh shit, yah, sorry."

Ritsu snuggles closer to me and I close my eyes. Hopefully, my nightmares will go away now that I have a label for my relationship, for my gang, for my life. They still may not but at least for now, I get to nap in Ritsu's arms.

You know I never thought I would start this story again but I have finally gotten to a place in my life where I don't want to just sleep and not work like two jobs or be on call all the time for my current job. So, yah, hi again.

As in the past, follow, fave, review, obsess. Loves yous guys.