A/N – Thanks for the comments!

Chapter 34

Liz lost everything that was in her stomach as she heaved and then finally when she started to calm, Enzo handed her a wet washcloth and then helped her stand.

Gripping the sink, she could barely see through the tears in her eyes as she turned on the water to splash her face and rinse her mouth.

He opened the cabinet above her and handed her some toothpaste and she did the best she could to get rid of the vile taste in her mouth.

"Let me help you."

She turned to face him with a stricken expression. "You can't."

When she started to crumble as the loss becomes too much to bear, he gently lifted her and carried her into the hallway, and then made his way upstairs to the bedroom where he laid her on the bed and then covered her with a blanket when she curled into a ball.

Stepping into the hallway, he shut his eyes wishing that there is something he can do for her because her mental state scares him.

Johnny ran past him into the room and then stopped. Taking a chance, he kicked off his shoes and took off his suit jacket, and laid next to her. "Elizabeth…"

She rolled over and they simply stared at each other before she reached up and touched his face. "He's gone, isn't he?"

He tugged her against him and held her tight as she sobbed and when it died down, he moved onto his back and pulled her with him. She needs rest, so he'll stay where he is for the time being.

Enzo pulled the door shut and then sighed heavily.

Lila grabbed his hand. "You have to have faith."

His head lifted. "I'm trying."

"Have you taken a day off?"

He shook his head. "No. I can't leave her."

"Sometimes, you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Will you do me a favor?"

He sightly smiled wishing his grandmother was still in his life. Lila Quartermaine is one of a kind. "I'll try."

"Tomorrow night, will you accompany Emily to a charity function? It's just dinner and if you're there, she'll have someone younger to talk to and won't be so bored. Johnny will be here with Elizabeth, so she'll be well guarded."

"I don't know…"

"Please think about it. The dinner is at 7:00 at the Metro Court. You can wear a suit and tie. I think you need some time to unwind, and I'd feel safer if you watched over her."

He nodded.

She patted his hand as she continued to the elevator.

Enzo scratched his head. Emily is pretty, and it has been a constant roller coaster for weeks. Maybe he does need to clear his head for a few hours.

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Sonny opened the door to his penthouse and is surprised to find Delores standing there in her uniform.

"Hi."

"Hi. Are you here about Jason?"

"Yes, may I come in?"

He blew out a harsh breath. "I'm surprised that Taggert didn't haul me in."

"Mac asked me to handle it and I thought it was better for me to handle it."

He stepped backward and she moved inside. "Have a seat."

She sat on the couch and waited for him to settle. "First, despite the fact we're on the opposite sides, I just want you to know that I'm sorry you lost your friend."

He is surprised by the gesture. "Thank you. He was like a brother to me."

"Do you have any idea who may have shot him?"

"No. It had been pretty quiet."

She nodded. "I hate asking this, but there are rumors that you and Jason were on the outs."

"We've had some problems, but we were working them out."

She's surprised he hasn't called Alexis and is forthcoming. "Sonny, I'll be honest. we are worried about a war."

"I can't promise peace. With Jason gone, there will be people gunning for me and the business."

She averted her gaze.

"What?"

"I—why did you choose such a dangerous life?"

He slightly smiled. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Well, I wanted to make a difference. I grew up in a rough neighborhood and I hated the drugs and violence, so I decided that I wanted to serve." And God help her, as much as the violence sickens her, she is so attracted to him. While he doesn't allow gun trafficking or drugs in his territory, innocent people have been killed and he represents everything she should be against.

He leaned forward, unable to read her expression. "I had a rough childhood. Being in charge and in control appealed to me."

"Like taking your power back?"

"Yes. We try to keep the violence down and I don't deal with drugs."

The air crackled between them as she slowly stood, surprised by his honesty.

"Please let us know if you get any leads." She knows he won't, but she has to say it.

Sonny nodded and then moved to the door and held it open.

As she walked by, she touched his arm. "Sometimes, you have to forgive yourself before someone can fully forgive you."

"I'm working on it."

He let out a long breath when he heard the elevator doors close and then raked his hand through his hair. God, why can't she be anything else except a cop? Then he let out a chuckle when the thought ran through his head that she might feel the same way about him.

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Tracy entered Elizabeth's room. "I thought you could use someone to talk to that could take it."

"Take what?"

"How you're really feeling. I'm a hard woman and I've been through a lot. I think you need to let some things go. Emily is young and you don't know Brenda. It's not like you know me either, but sometimes that's better because, unlike Brenda, I'm disconnected emotionally from Jason. I can listen and without judgment for either one of you. So, want to give it a try?"

Liz sighed heavily and then swung her legs over the bed. "Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself?"

"That's fine. You have a right to. Tell me why?" Honestly, Tracy doesn't know how Liz is still standing. The girl has more hutzpah than she realizes.

"After the rape, I never thought anyone would truly see me again. Hell, I didn't even know who I was anymore. The sassy Elizabeth was gone because he had screwed the fight out of me. He took something from me that I couldn't even identify at the time, but the hole left in my heart bled for a long time."

Tracy grabbed a bottle of water from the top of the dresser and handed it to her. Liz took a sip and placed it on the nightstand.

"Lucky, he tried to fix it. He was sweet and had dreams and was so patient. We fell in love and eventually, we had sex."

"Was it okay?"

Liz shook her head. "I—I did it for him and because I just wanted some semblance of normalcy. He was sweet and loving, but now I realize that just made it worse because he was always holding himself back; like I was a china doll. I loved him because he did treat me well, and that kind of love was all I knew. I clung to it because I had never dealt with what happened. In hindsight, I wish I had some therapy. Maybe I would have found myself faster. Ironically, I ended up figuring out so much after he died, and then I had to deal with his loss and everything I lost before that."

When Elizabeth briefly met her gaze, Tracy nodded.

Liz wiped a tear away. "I felt so abandoned all over again. My parents basically dumped us on my grandmother. Don't get me wrong, I love Grams. She did what she could, but she wasn't them and she didn't know how to handle someone who had been so emotionally devasted."

Audrey had come upstairs and is crying as she listens from the hallway.

"Losing Lucky—he was the first boy who told me I was beautiful and was so loving. I think in a way, I just ate it up because I wanted my dad to love me unconditionally and I never got that. After Lucky died, I was forced to face everything, and my friends just didn't understand how deep my sorrow went. I spent months crying for everything I lost and Jason—it was like Lucky sent him to help me. He spent months listening to me, taking me for rides on his bike. It was a whole new world as the wind whipped around us and everything blurred by. That is when I learned about freedom and its importance. He was a light leading me out of the darkness, always finding a way to say things I needed to hear so simply, that I almost felt stupid for not coming up with it myself."

Tracy wiped a tear away.

"He didn't look at me like I was a victim like so many others did; that includes Lucky. When Jason gazed at me, he saw an artist, someone he admired, and a survivor like him. He focused on my strengths and encouraged me to do whatever I needed to do to be happy and free. Even though he had plenty of demons because he had been so good at shoving down his emotions and putting up walls, he trusted me enough to drop them and confide in me. Jason didn't do that with many people." She unconsciously rubbed her belly. "When we made love for the first time, it was so raw and beautiful. He was reverent, but he wasn't holding back that much. Your nephew was a little wild."

Tracy smirked.

"But I felt free to just feel and express myself, and that healed so much. He was so beautiful, loving, and God, I can't imagine ever loving anyone the way I love him. I ache in my soul for him. I know you didn't see all of that, but he was complex and hid his vulnerabilities. When you feel like you have no control, you do whatever you can to ensure it. He was so lost, scared, and angry after the accident, just wanting to feel anything. His self-destructive tendencies came out because, in a way, he was rebelling against everyone who was trying to control him. Lashing out and pushing back was his way of trying to gain his footing and independence. I know he hurt the family, but they hurt him deeply too."

"It's interesting seeing him through your eyes. I'm glad you gave him some peace."

Liz slightly smiled. "I hope I did. He made me feel special that he was willing to share himself with me. He could say more with his eyes than anyone I know, but when he actually spoke of his love for me, God, I would give anything to hear his voice again." She has one voicemail she kept, but it's just not the same.

Tracy wiped another tear away. The fact that her nephew could have expressed so much is surprising but given his stubborn nature, she's not surprised that he defied all odds.

"You see, Jason was the love of my life. He never tried to fix me, he just let me be and loved me, always giving me a safe place to come home to. I don't know how to go on without him, and honestly, if it weren't for this baby, I don't think I'd want to."

Tracy stood and sat next to her.

"I don't want you to pity me or treat me differently now."

"Look at me."

Liz gazed at her as tears clouded her eyes. In a way, it felt good to talk about Jason and how important he was because she hadn't been able to. For that, she's thankful.

"Pity is not what I'm feeling right now. I admire your strength. You're a helluva lot stronger than I have ever been. That strength is what you need to draw from to get out of bed each morning—to take care of yourself and this baby because that is what Jason would want. It sounds like he always wanted you to be happy with or without him."

Liz nodded.

"I'm so proud of you, Elizabeth. You're a beautiful young woman and," Tracy opened her arms, "you'll always have a safe place right here any time you need it. I will be here to listen, no matter what. You are family and even if you weren't, the offer would still stand."

Liz dove against her, letting Tracy comfort her as they cried.

Audrey went downstairs and then moved into the sitting room where Lila is having some tea.

"What's wrong?"

Audrey sighed. "I just listened to my granddaughter pour her heart out to Tracy. I get it now—why Jason is so important to her and what he gave her that no one else could. I feel like I failed her." A sob left Audrey's lips, prompting Lila to move her chair closer so she could rub Audrey's back.

"You did the best you could. Elizabeth's past is complicated. You gave her a home and you loved her."

"I should have gotten her help. I'm a nurse and should know better."

"You couldn't have forced her. Elizabeth had to find her own way and she's such a beautiful soul. Be there for her now. Don't treat her like she's damaged, treat her like the gift she is."

"I will. I won't fail her again." She can only pray that Jason isn't truly gone. Elizabeth needs him.

Tracy poured herself a drink and then plopped onto a chair. Lila can tell that she had cried because her eyes are puffy and red.

After taking a sip, she eyed Lila. "I just—she's hurting so badly. I hope I haven't hurt her further by making her talk."

"I think she needed to," Audrey said. "I heard and I'm glad I did. We need to help her find some semblance of normalcy so she can breathe a little easier. Focusing on the baby is one way, but I think we should try to get her to paint so she can get her feelings out."

"Maybe I can show her the gardens tomorrow. I can gently suggest her sketching and later, I would love to have a painting of them that Edward could hang in his office. We can't be pushy. She needs to grieve, but sometimes, you have to come up for air and we'll all be here for her when she does."

Tracy nodded hoping the baby will help Liz to heal from such a devastating loss.

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Emily finished getting ready. There was a knock on the door, and she is surprised to see Enzo standing there in a very nice suit. "What's going on?"

He slightly smiled. "I will be your escort tonight."

"Seriously?"

He nodded.

Her eyes narrowed. "Did my grandmother pay you off?"

He chuckled. "She asked nicely." He can't wait to see her face when he does what Lila wanted. She is a clever woman and got something out of him he doesn't normally admit to. Since he doesn't know anyone, he had agreed, but he is a little nervous. It has been a while.

"You don't have to. I'm sure you have something you'd rather do than hang out with a high school girl."

"I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to go."

She shook her head. "I don't believe that but thank you. I feel guilty going even though it's for a good cause."

"Don't.

She grabbed her purse and led the way downstairs.

"You look very pretty by the way."

"Thank you." She is grateful that he can't see her blush.

Edward watched her descend. Emily is growing to be a beautiful, smart woman and he's proud of her.