Take My Heart With You When You Go
Chapter Notes
Special thinks to my pal, M! Your excellent comments on the emotional beats of this
chapter got me thinking and I think the whole of the story will be better for it. ?
Lena's POV
Waking first is a blessing and a curse. Warm and relaxed and utterly comfortable, I have long
moments of sleepy bliss before I remember that this is my last morning of this.
Alex is a dense log I'm curled into snugly. As I've quickly grown accustomed to, she runs cooler
than I and is an iceberg compared to Sam's furnace heat.
The sink to our source.
The thought is both comforting and sobering, my shift in body language making both lovers twitch
and mumble around me. That's the other thing that sticks with me, the stillness of Sammy's sleep,
here in this bed, with Alex's calm anchoring her. I am a great many things to my Sam, but a sleep
haven has never been one of them.
Sam.
The quiet confessions of love slam into my heart with all the force of the first time. Alex is
blinking awake as I squirm onto my back, somehow not surprised to find Sam peeking over her
shoulder. The browns of their eyes arrest me, Sam's pale and lively to Alex's dark and calm.
Sam props her chin in the curve of Alex's shoulder and neck, nuzzling my hand when I raise it to
caress her cheek. Clearing her throat and a little pink around the ears she sends a thrilling bolt of
emotion through me with a quiet murmur of, "I love you."
I never knew how those words would rock me.
Raising up on an elbow to kiss her, I note Alex's smile, warm and wistful. It makes my heartstrings
twang, a sensation I can almost physically feel. Her smile deepens when we both nuzzle kisses to
her cheek, but those big, expressive eyes remain sad.
It's no shock that she's the first one to squirm away from the lazy cuddle.
When I started watching the videos that led my family here, Alex was a burned-out emergency
room doctor with a wiry build and an urbanite paranoia in her alert gaze. Now I snuggle into Sam
and watch that magnificently cut body vanish beneath the rugged farmer's clothes that suit her so
much better. I also recognize them for what they are, not just merely layers to keep out cold and
damage, but armor.
We've shaken her and it was something that I not only expected, but I'm shaken with how I am
shaken in turn. Sam's uncharacteristic stillness tells me clearly that she feels the same.
Only once fully dressed does Alex look at us, her conflict not showing on her face, but those eyes
are a dead giveaway. "I'll start some coffee," she murmurs and takes a moment to turn away.
The room feels emptier without her.
For what feels like a long time ticks away as Sam and I just lay quietly together, getting used to just
us two again. Part of me is a bit taken aback that it's me that breaks the silence and not my
normally energetic partner. Changing the intent of my lazy petting of her head, I force myself to
give the reluctance voice.
"Well, I guess it's time to go."
I hate the way the words feel in my mouth and a little twitch runs down Sam's frame, almost as
though her city girl self is fighting to get out. The try for lightheartedness isn't welcome by either
of us and the little grumble that escapes me sounds petulant even to my own ears.
Outside the bedroom, the small noises of Alex moving about and the front door opens and softly
thumps shut again with a faint sensation of vacuum in the well-insulated space. Muffled beyond
the walls, her voice raises up in greeting.
"Hey Rubes, morning. Want to go hunt down some eggs?"
"Sure. Lily'll be out in a few."
"Good deal. She knows where to find us."
There's a note of forced humor at the end there, clearly trying to alleviate the stress in both of them.
God, she's so sensitive and good with the girls!
"She's really good with the kids," Sam muses, as though reading my mind.
"She really is."
"We'll have to come back."
Just hearing the words ease something in my heart and a little smile twitches the corners of my lips.
"Yeah, we'll have to at that."
The words ease something in us and we can start what will be a very long day of getting back to
our reality. Getting dressed and indulging in the mugs of coffee left for us is the first step, before
heading back to the RV. The girls have already done their part, all trace of them packed away in
their bags.
"Guess the boarding school has some extra benefits," I joke lamely and Sam's little smile is as
melancholy as I feel.
Time flies away as we straighten up the space in preparation of handing it back to the rental
agency. All too soon the babble of voices outside and the blast of cold from the door alerts us that
we've come to it; the ache of goodbye.
Grabbing our coats, Sam and I race to the door rather than have the ensuing chaos trapped inside
the RV where it will be all the harder to leave. On a whim, I launch myself from the bottom step as
though I were no larger than Lily, caught by Kara's strong arms and crushed into a hug every bit as
potent as her sister's.
"I'm going to miss you," I whisper and pull back only long enough to return her melancholy smile.
"You keep me posted on how the aviary goes and I'll keep an eye out for interesting birds for you?"
The questioning tone earns a real smile then, even if the summer sky eyes remain gloomy. "That'll
be great. Call us when you get home, okay?"
There's a hug from each of them, even Brainy. Though Sam has to scoff at our awkward dithering
and wrap those long arms around us both. A teary Nia insists we take a heavy paper sack of ostrich
egg burritos before she runs off to escape the high emotions.
I wish I could do the same.
After Carol and Maria make me giggle just a little in sandwiching me into a quick hard hug, I'm
forced to confront the sweet sight of Alex hanging back with the three girls. Lily clings to her
waist, her sweet face adoring and so sad where she stares up at her new friend. Monica leans into
her other side, anchored by a strong arm, while Alex pets Lily's head and is clearly talking quietly
to her. Ruby hangs back, body language achingly prickly, but she's notably close, not wanting to be
apart too much.
Teenagers.
Still, it's more than just adolescent drama. I know her as well as my own offspring –perhaps even
better- and I know her deep and complicated mind and emotions. She might not be the gregarious
ball of energy that Lily is, but she runs deep. And she likes Alex and likes this place, no matter
how much she might try to fight it.
I feel you, darling girl.
The last to face me is Lucy. Sure, she already got in a quick hug, but there's more on her mind.
"You stay in touch with me. And any time you crew want to come back, you just let us know."
The comment gives me pause. There's something in the way Lucy says it, an intensity unlike what
I know of her. A glimpse of her lawyer self, no doubt, both achingly vulnerable and dangerous as a
hungry siberian tiger. I don't have to look over to Alex to know why. It keeps me rooted in the
moment and not falling back to the weapons of verbal warfare like coldness or sarcasm.
My tone reflects my feeling so vulnerable, but I try not to fight it. "You'd want us back?"
The pause is heavy with silent words, and the green eyes, so similar in color to my own, look like
they carry the weight of the world. When Lucy does finally speak, her tone seems the same, but
there is no missing the steely sobriety there.
"Yes. But that's not really my choice, is it?"
And there it is. When I'd come here, I hadn't expected this parting to hurt like this, to miss the feel
of this place and these people and particularly the eye candy who had turned out to be such a
wonderful compliment to what Sam and I already are.
The stab of pain from belly to chest to stinging eyes takes my breath in a shaky sob.
Sam wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders, a strength to us both in the touching.
"We promise to stay in touch," she manages to say in a voice so quiet and soulful I barely recognize
it. Lucy eyes us for a moment longer and then nods decisively, stepping back to join the rest of her
team.
And then…
And then we are out of time and excuses. It's time to go. Alex has scooped Lily into a big, fullbody
hug and it's long moments before they separate. Despite her own roiling emotions, Ruby
slings a loose arm around her sister's shoulders to lead her back to Sam and I.
What can I even say to this special woman who has been so good to my family? How would we
even put it to words?
Alex merely smiles faintly and nods her head, a wealth of emotion in her dark eyes. Sam draws
breath like she's going to say something, but after a pause, she simply exhales and I look up to see
her return the nod, every bit as soberly.
"Come on, girls."
Despite knowing the words were meant for our daughters, I too obey Sam's quiet demand. For a
moment, Ruby looks mulish, suddenly breaking ranks to fly over to Alex, who catches the charge
in a bear hug.
"Promise you'll be here when we come back?" my teen whispers tearily in a voice not meant to
carry, but the quiet of the mountains gives her away. For a moment, Alex squeezes her even tighter
and replies in a voice every bit as shaky.
"I promise."
My heart and throat ache all the more for all of us.
Ruby finally breaks away, running for the RV door, but pauses for one last glance over her
shoulder. In this moment she looks like a traumatized child, not a half-grown teen. But her jaw is
set and she exchanges nods with her hero.
It feels like a pact between them.
I'm the last one left, staring intently at my new lover, still shaken by how much I just want to…
stay.
It takes real effort to turn away from Alex, to take my seat and buckle in, feel the RV rumble to life
and crunch over the icy gravel and head away from this idyllic place. None of us look back, but my
gut tells me that Alex remains standing in the road well after we've gone.
Sam's POV
Lena doesn't throw her rich girl privilege around very often. That said, I can't complain about her
bullheaded need to switch out first class for a private charter. She didn't even try to justify it, just
got on the phone and made it happen.
That name of hers can still make people jump.
After a tense takeoff –Lena's never enjoyed flying- she vanishes into the boardroom in the back,
armed with laptop and phone. I know the look in her eye, a clear indication of A Project in the
works.
Good. We'll all want to stay busy.
With the footrest up on my cush seat, Lily has lap and torso enough to fall asleep on me while
Ruby is hunched over her computer with big headphones on. Her body language is about as
friendly as a porcupine keeping a predator at bay.
Some little part of me is guiltily happy to be headed straight to Peekskill instead of going home.
We'll be distracted with the Halloween festivities tomorrow and maybe even stay over until the 1st.
I'm pretty sure Ruby has a half day so the students can sleep in. What could it hurt? The club has
run this long without me.
I've nearly joined Lily in her nap when I hear the rustle of a person moving about and Lena drops
into the chair next to me.
"Got that idea sorted out?" My gentle tease earns a weak glower that immediately turns into her
pressing as much of her body as she can over the armrest between us. Her breathing is warm and
welcome on my neck, as is the weight of her against me.
Eventually she mutters, "I can't bear the idea of Alex in that drafty old barn all winter."
Ah, that makes sense. Lena loves to solve a problem when she can.
"And?"
"And there's a company asset that manufactures steel buildings."
Again, I can't resist teasing her a bit. "Did you put the fear of Luthor in them?"
"It's not like that," she grumbles and squirms, stilling when I put a hand on her leg.
"Babe, relax. The gesture will be appreciated by the farm crew. Besides, we know how they like to
be busy. Still, this is a hell of a time of year to be setting concrete and putting up a large building."
There's a faint hint of a smile against my skin. "I… have ideas about that."
My grin is pure fondness as I lean over to smooch her scalp.
"Of course you do."
There's a winter storm over the Rockies that sends the plane climbing far higher than we have been
flying. The trembles through the powerful machine don't cease for some time, even once we've
leveled off. It's nearly an hour before I can feel the plane drift downward to a lower altitude.
Hopefully, that's a good sign for the rest of the trip.
Hours pass with Lily sound asleep all over me, but I'm going to need a pit stop soon. Thankfully,
she eventually wakes and is immediately rampaging around the cabin, hyper as a puppy. Though I
note it's more an exercise in using up some energy than any joy in the activity. It doesn't help that
Lena remains engrossed in her project, only paying attention when directly pestered. The death
glare Ruby provides keeps her sister at bay.
Sigh.
Bouncing on the couch keeps Lily occupied until we hit some turbulence. That sends both Luthors
scrambling for seatbelts, eyes wide as the plane sloshes around us. Ruby is still and wary, waiting
to see what comes next.
All of us are glad to finally land.
It's not easy to find a willing driver to take us all the way to Peekskill, but the tip Lena offers
convinces someone eventually. No one makes a fuss when Ruby throws herself into the passenger
seat, though Lily scowls like she wants to. She's barely big enough to not be in a booster seat and
has to remain in the back. With a firm hand, I make sure she's behind the driver so she can't kick
Ruby's seat. We're all stressed enough, thanks. Then I put myself in the middle so that I can sling
an arm around each of my Luthors.
The whole journey has been uncharacteristically quiet and I don't like it. But I also don't break it.
We get to Peekskill right around dinner time, the whole quartet of us starving and getting damn
tired of our piles of luggage. Ruby's school is always lovely about visitors and we're slotted in with
the students and faculty for dinner.
Everything feels like I'm in a daze, my body and brain going through the motions. This familiar
life, the noise and speed of the city around us, feels so odd now. Who knew the quiet mountains a
continent away could make such an impact?
I studiously do my best to ignore thoughts of Alex.
Somehow we make it through dinner and are shown to the plain hotel-like room for guests to get
ready for bed. It's late for us, still on Pacific Time and exhausted from a day of travel. The bed is
really too small for two, much less the added bulk of Lily, who I know will pile in with us, and I'm
not going to sleep peacefully and poor Lena….
How I wish I was wrong, but sure enough, my restless body misses the weight of Alex, the
coolness of her running body temperature that made me feel less like I'm always burning up with
too much energy. Even with Lena clinging to me like a burr, we feel too… small, too light…
Too incomplete.