That evening was yet another ball. If the Islanders were growing as tired of revelry as I, they didn't show it. Even Aurie was bright eyed as she watched everyone file in. I had a headache; I wanted to be with Edmund. Failing that, I wanted to be alone. I didn't have the strength to fight against Gormal and Taran, and yet I knew I would have to.

I stood apart with Aurie and Uncle while we waited for the entrance of the Kings and Queens. I had not seen Uncle since our dinner after Felimath and he was glaring at me. I turned to Aurie and asked her for a dance just to get away from him.

She spent some minutes surveying the room as we whirled round. Then she grinned at me. 'Some girls at school offered to buy my dress off me. Everyone wants to know how I got the latest Narnian fashions.'

I laughed a bit. 'See? You should always trust me.'

'I should,' she mused. Then she caught Uncle's expression. 'He's mad at you again.'

'I'm aware,' I said.

'But why? He's almost angrier than I've ever seen him, and it doesn't make any sense. We're more successful in these weeks than we have been for years. You're winning the tournament; you're the favourite of the Kings and Queens.'

I pulled a face. 'Don't put it that way.'

'Why not?'

'I'm not trying to be their favourite,' I said. 'It isn't like that.'

'That's certainly how it seems—and why everyone would be jealous,' she said. There was an Island glint in her eye and behind my eyes started to hurt.

'Aurie, you've got to come back to Narnia with me,' I said.

'Why is Uncle so angry?' She countered.

She would keep needling if I tried to deflect her, so I offered half of the story. 'Because I'm not marrying Queen Susan.'

She laughed. 'He's ridiculous. I know you're very close with the Kings and Queens, but it's not like—' she broke off, and her eyes widened. 'Lion's mane! You could have! And you're...not?'

'I'm not in love with her,' I said.

'Half the world is in love with her! And the other half is women.' She laughed. 'That's what they say. You're mad. I bet she does like you and you just refuse to notice.'

The song ended at this point and I was glad to lead her off the dance floor. As we rejoined Uncle, I saw that Edmund was already there talking to him, and my heart gave a little jolt. Aurie gasped and gripped my arm. She then blushed. I frowned a bit.

Edmund grinned as we joined him and Uncle and clapped my shoulder. I felt the muscles relax under his hand. 'Nimble on your feet as always, Lord Peridan.'

I gave him a merry look. Uncle sniffed, but I barely heard him. I could feel Aurie tense beside me, hoping for a dance.

'I regret to say I've come to steal you away from your family,' Edmund said. He held out a goblet to me. 'Walk with me.' Aurie sagged with disappointment.

I glanced towards Aurie then back at Edmund. He drew in a breath through his nose but took the hint. 'Although I am hoping that Lady Laureliana would do me the honour of a dance first.'

Aurie beamed and offered her hand to Edmund with a demure look. He glanced sideways at me before leading her onto the dance floor.

'You are born under a bright star indeed,' Uncle said through gritted teeth. 'Though you damn yourself at every turn, you are offered chance after chance at salvation.' He nodded towards Aurie and Edmund dancing. Aurie had her face tipped up to search Edmund's as they spoke. For his part, he did not really making eye contact with her but offering a detached smile and a few polite words. I could see Aurie take great encouragement from this nevertheless.

'Leave it, Uncle. He seeks no wife at this time. None of them do, and anyone who pinned their hopes on this is a fool,' I said, barely moving my lips.

'And here you are, making a poor choice yet again,' he hissed. 'You will be your own damnation.'

'I will never be enough, will I?' I returned, facing him. 'I bring our family prosperity, status. I am a knight, I have helped build an entire city. What need have we to marry into the royal line? It would bring us nothing more than we already have. But even if I followed your will and made loveless matches for both Aurie and myself, you will hate me even so.'

'That is where you are wrong. I never hated you. If I hated you I would have left you for dust before your father died and watched your house fall into ruin,' Uncle said. 'You are my blood, son of my sister.'

'You have an odd way of showing your family bond,' I frowned.

'I do what I must to ensure your survival and prosperity. Few enjoy carrying out the necessity,' he said, folding his hands inside his sleeves.

'Necessary,' I repeated, and I looked at the ground. 'So much was necessary.'

'If you have been to Calormen, then you will know I offered you mercy.'

'Is that all I deserve then?' I wondered. 'The small mercy of pain instead of death?'

The song ended and Aurie and Edmund made their way back to us. Edmund narrowed his eyes, searching my face. What he saw there made him dispense with further pleasantries as he turned to Aurie and Uncle. He simply bowed to them and turned away, leaving Aurie looking deflated. After a moment he half turned and gestured for me to join him. Aurie gaped and Uncle shook his head as I left them and hastened to join Edmund's side.

He was watching something across the room and he chuckled, relishing some mischief. 'This ought to be good,' he said, nodding towards the other side of the room.

I followed his gaze and saw that Taran was addressing Lucy. People were gathering round them. Edmund drew me across the room. I felt sick. My head was spinning; I went into a cold sweat. Edmund had dismissed Taran, but would Lucy? I tried to calm myself. Perhaps they were exchanging platitudes. But both of their attitudes said they were discussion more important issues.

'Your Majesty,' Taran was saying, 'Aslan commands us to fight against injustices and evil.'

I balled my hand into a fist. Edmund curled his hand round it. I looked at him, and he nodded towards his sister.

'Undoubtedly so,' said Lucy. 'But righteousness is a dangerous weapon to wield.'

'Yes,' agreed Taran enthusiastically. 'It is very powerful, to walk forward I the knowledge of what the Lion commands.'

'I did not say powerful, I said dangerous,' Lucy corrected. Edmund smirked. I bit my lip.

Taran faltered. 'Your Majesty?'

'Do you pretend to know all of Aslan's will? Has he unfolded it before you?'

'He is showing us all the time,' Taran said, his cadence slow as though he couldn't believe Lucy was debating him instead of agreeing with him. 'On this question of men who would lie with men, for instance.'

I gasped. There it was. He had lost in private and was now making the debate public. I wanted to slink away forever. Edmund tightened his hand around mine and I wanted to tell him 'Let go. Step away from me. You don't want this.

'He is,' Lucy agreed, 'But humans can be very stupid and very blind. We can misinterpret things which are plain as day. Any Beast of Narnia will tell you that.'

'Your Majesty! You seem to suggest we cannot know right from wrong.' Everyone around was silent that he should challenge the Queen so.

'I am saying nothing of the sort,' Lucy replied calmly. I could see the storm brewing though. 'But a person can do a lot of harm in the name of "right." They can oppress. They can wound. They can alienate one whom Aslan would embrace.'

I felt tears rising, but I fought them back. I couldn't even fully process what Lucy was saying because her words filled me with such wild hope.

'But Aslan rejects—' Taran began. Of course.

Before Taran could fully extinguish the mad flame burning in me, Lucy wheeled on him. I had never seen her look so ferocious, and I understood why people called her a lionness. 'Understand this, if you know nothing else. Aslan rejects no one. There is always love. Always redemption. I have seen Him crack the Stone Table in the name of such mercy. Do not you dare say those words again to me, here or anywhere.' Taran opened his mouth. 'We have said this is enough. You have lost your compass. We hereby suspend all education in this supposed catechism until we have further examined this so called Little Book, lest we find it contravenes the will of Aslan.'

Taran looked around hopelessly, and his eyes landed on Edmund, who said, 'I told you you had corrupted the phrase. My royal sister speaks with the authority of all of us behind her. Let her command be so.'

Everyone around reeled at this. My hands started to shake and I couldn't control them. I let Edmund lead me outside. On the way, he grabbed a large goblet of wine.

When we got to the bench he passed me the goblet. I drained half of it in one go. My hands were still shaking, and I splashed some of it down my front. I wiped the wine from my lips with the back of my hand. 'I can't. I can't do this to you.'

'You keep saying that? Why do you keep saying that?' He said, his tone light, almost wry. He wasn't going to accept this with ease, and I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be with him.

I set the goblet down on the bench and started to pace. I rubbed my face. 'Because I am trying to make you understand. You—you are so beloved. The whole world is in awe of you. Your family adores you. I am despised. I don't want you to know this. I can hardly bear it.'

He stood perfectly still as he watched me pace. Then he picked up the goblet and polished off the rest of the wine. He grabbed my shoulders. 'You think I don't know how you feel. Peridan, I know exactly how you feel.'

'You can't,' I said. There was no way.

'Can't I?' He said, arching a brow. His stare was so keen it silenced me. He sat down on the bench and patted the spot next to him. I sat beside him and rubbed my lips together as I watched and waited.

He looked out to sea, and his face changed. His mask fell away, and his cheek softened. He sighed heavily, then ducked his head.

'You have heard how Lucy and Peter and Susan and I came from another world. Tumnus calls it Spare Oom, but all I can tell you is that it was Somewhere Else. It's hard to describe my memories of that place. They come in fragments, foggy round the edges, but the feelings are clear. Boys laughing at me and bullying me. Fear of war, which doesn't make sense, because why should a child fear war? Yet I did. Loneliness. Being sent from home.'

'Maybe you do know a bit,' I acknowledged.

'But herein lies the difference,' he said, his words bursting hot on mine. 'I let it turn my heart black. Lucy found Narnia first, and I—I teased her, made her think she was a liar. And when I stumbled onto Narnia...the first person I met was not Tumnus, as Lucy had. It was the White Witch. She gave me Turkish Delight and promised to make me king over Peter, so long as when I came back I brought my family to her. I hated them enough, or I felt like I hated them enough to do it. Peter was a bully, and Susan a prig, and Lucy so bloody perfect and sweet.'

He paused, but I let the silence hang between us. He pressed his lips together, his jaw tightening. He continued, his voice husky. 'When we all got in to Narnia, they wanted to follow the Beavers to Aslan, but I—I was already thinking about the Witch and her Turkish Delight. I hated the very sound of his name. So I ran away to the Witch. I betrayed my family.'

I shook my head. 'But this doesn't tally.'

'You don't think?' And in his face I saw all the fear and guilt that I carried.

I knit my brows together. 'There is a missing piece. Everyone in the world knows of your feats at Beruna—you are Wand Breaker. And you don't hate your brother and sisters. You are fiercely loyal to them. I have seen great proof of that. Not to mention the fact that the Witch is dead and the prophecy of the four thrones fulfilled. I know the day it must have happened, because the next morning I woke up and the very air had changed. So.'

'There's Aslan. He changed it. Not me,' Edmund said, his voice low and hoarse. He stared at the ground. He looked so lonely and lost and sad.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 'He changed you as well then,' I said.

He turned to me at last, his eyes wide and sorrowful. I tightened my arm around him, thinking how much we needed each other.

'I want to be good,' he said. 'I knew even before Aslan that I wanted to be good. I saw the Witch send the Wolves after my family and saw that she meant to murder them, not just subjugate them. And then we happened upon a Christmas party and she turned them all to stone. I knew I didn't want to be that person any more, but I didn't know how to come back. Until Aslan.'

I nodded in agreement. 'I keep hoping that I will see Aslan, and he will forgive me. But…I can't change. And I don't want to drag you down with me. We—we shouldn't be together.'

'You—you don't understand anything!' He exploded. I flinched in surprise. He jumped up and started to pace, not with measured and thoughtful strides as he had before, but with frantic, sharp movements. He pulled at his hair. 'Peridan, why can't you see? I betrayed my family, and find myself King of Narnia. All you did was kiss a boy.'

'We've done a bit more than that,' I said with a rueful smile.

He waved this away with a little smirk. 'Those are particulars to discuss another time,' he said, and he looked at me through his lashes, his eyes so dark. Desire shot through me. 'Why does that have to be on the same level? Why would you even think this is wrong?'

'You saw—'

'Yes, I saw. I've seen everything they've done to you. All the humiliation and the pain. What your own family did to you. All of this, and you are still noble, and brave, and kind. We lived through the same alienation and yet you held onto goodness with all your strength. You came to Narnia all alone and made such a man of yourself. I'm in awe of you. Peridan, you don't need Aslan's forgiveness for being who you are. Because you are good.'

I glanced down, fretting my fingers. I pressed the pads of my fingertips together as hard as I could so that I wouldn't cry. It almost worked. He crouched before me and lifted my chin so I had to look into his eyes. 'You are good,' he repeated. I tried to look away, but he held me there. You are good, and you are loved.'

I closed my eyes, and a tear dropped down my cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb.

'Edmund, I love you,' I whispered. 'I'm so in love with you.'

He opened his mouth but made no sound. He wrapped me up in his arms and held me tight. After a moment he whispered in my ear, 'I love you too.' And I clung to him, burying my face in his neck. He loved me. After all the loneliness and fear, he loved me. After knowing the whole truth, all the dangers, he loved me.

I lifted my head and kissed him with all the passion and all the love I felt on my lips. When I pulled away I whispered, 'I don't want to go back to the party.'

He shook his head. 'No. Me neither.'

I gripped his tunic. That same wild, spinning hope rose up in me again, along with a reckless defiance. 'I want…' I summoned my courage, letting the flame burning inside me shape my words. 'I want to go to your room.' I kissed the hollow under his ear and murmured, 'I want to do everything to you, and I want you to do everything to me.'

He tipped his head back and bit his lip, groaning, 'Yes. Yes.'

We skirted the party, gripping each other's hands as we snuck past everyone. Once inside the palace, we did not let go. Instead we stopped in nearly every alcove, to kiss, to embrace, to let the anticipation wash over us. When we finally reached his rooms he dragged me through the antechamber to his bedroom, where he pushed me onto the bed and peeled my clothes off me. I writhed, and I moaned and tore his clothes off him, ripping the seam of his fine silk tunic. He lifted his brows and grinned. 'I knew you weren't as cool as you made out to be,' he said.

I dragged him into a kiss. 'Don't tease me any more, I want you too much. Have me.'

And he groaned again. We moved our hips against each other with such passion that the bed creaked. I laughed. He peeled the rest of my clothes off me. We stared at each other, our bodies pressed together, our passion equalled. We panted with desire, our chests rising and falling together.

I laughed then, and teased him back. 'I am yours, o my king,' I said. 'I submit to your will.'

'What happened to not teasing?' He said with a laugh.

'I assure you,' I replied. 'I am most sincere.' Then I raised my head and murmured 'I love you. I am yours.'

He pressed his hands into my body as he caressed me, and then we were kissing again. I felt a flash of annoyance that I was so stupidly innocent. But he seemed to have some idea, which in turn inspired my desire, and we found our way. He took me at last and I thought all the stars had exploded and were raining down on my skin and there was only Edmund and I in the whole world. I let myself cry out and muffled it in the pillow. He cried out too, and muffled it against my shoulder.

Afterwards we lay together in the darkness. The candles had guttered out and the moon had set. He wrapped his sweaty, sticky arms around me and his warm breath tickled my ear. I let the reality of him lull me to sleep.