CHAPTER 34

"I'm sorry, Mr. Walker. There's no answer at that number. Are you sure you gave me the correct one?" asked Loretta. She was holding the receiver of a push button phone up to his ear so he could hear the endless ringing.

"Of course that's the right number! I know it by heart, for Christ's sake! Are you sure you dialed it right?" said Jace. He was angry and frustrated and losing his patience with her. For several months now, he had done as he was told, had attended his therapy sessions and took his medication and had behaved himself to earn his supervised phone privileges, only to be disappointed that Madeleine wasn't answering her office phone.

"I think I know how to push ten numbers in sequence on a phone, Mr. Walker."

"Then why isn't she answering, goddammit!?" he shouted.

"Calm down. Perhaps she's away from her desk."

"Then it should automatically go to her voicemail. It doesn't make sense."

"May I ask what's so special about this woman that makes you frantic like this?" Even Loretta was surprised at her intrusive question. She never got personal with any of her patients before, but there was something about Jackson Walker that made her want to get closer to him. She felt like a silly school girl who had a crush on the quarterback for the football team, but the feelings she had for him exhilarated her and renewed her interest in psychiatric nursing. She found herself breaking the speed limit on the way to work to begin her shift everyday. She couldn't wait to lay her eyes on him every morning when she came in. He was such a stunning man. She couldn't help herself. She reveled in his big, beautiful body when she helped him wash. He resembled a Greek god in her mind...long, dark, wavy hair that cascaded down his muscular back, broad shoulders, amazing biceps, a slim waist, firm buttocks, long muscular legs and an exquisite penis that drove her to distraction. She had to stop herself from marveling at its size and reaching out to touch it. She wanted to do things to him that she'd never entertained with any other man that had ever been in her life, especially one of her patients. She knew that her obsession was like playing with fire, but she couldn't stop the thoughts that had been invading her head for months now and she didn't really want to.

"She's the love of my life...and that's all you need to know."

"If this Madeleine is the love of your life, why do you have another woman's name tattooed on your chest?" Another intrusive question that she couldn't stop herself from asking.

"If you must know, 'Cookie' is my nickname for her...now no more fucking questions."

"I see. Well, we'll try to call her again later after your shower. You haven't forgotten that you're going to have company this afternoon, have you?" she asked.

"No, I haven't forgotten, drill sergeant" he said. Junior and Harper were flying in from Odessa today and had scheduled a visit. Jackson had been looking forward to it for weeks.

She pulled the line out of the phone jack in the wall and carried the phone out with her as she turned to leave.

"Can't you leave the phone here?" asked Jace.

"No can do, Mr. Walker. I wouldn't want you to call a taxi to hitch a ride out of here," she said. The smirk on her face irked him. She had become more controlling over the past few weeks as his privileges had become less restricted. It was as if she wanted to keep him helpless and out of touch with the outside world, particularly Madeleine.

"Actually, I was thinking of calling Amazon to buy you a twelve inch neon pink vibrator. Maybe if you got off once in a while, you wouldn't be such a miserable bitch," said Jace. Now he was the one that was smirking. Her face remained emotionless.

"I'll be back in a little while to bring you to the shower room, Mr. Walker," she said. Her expression stayed flat. Nothing he said ever seemed to bother her. He could say the nastiest things to her and she never once reacted to them, at least not outwardly. Nothing seemed to faze her. He supposed that was part of her training and experience in dealing with patients like him for the past forty years. He ran his hand over his face and tucked his hair behind his ears. He looked out the window in his room, hoping it was facing northeast so he could gaze past the rows of cars in the parking lot and over the line of trees at the edge of it and into Chicago where Madeleine was.

"I know you can't hear me, but baby, I need you to answer your phone and talk to me...please," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wanted to see her face again, have her here with him, even though he knew that wouldn't happen. He wanted to know what her state of mind was since she left Texas. He heard her pleading with him not to die. He wanted to ask her so many things. He wanted to hear her voice. He needed to hear it again. She had told Junior that she would talk to him once he was settled in Houston and he was banking on that. He had let go of most of his anger, had buckled down and had taken his mental recovery as seriously as his physical one. He knew in his heart that she wouldn't let him down. He wished he could go back several months and stop himself from trying to take his own life. It was only through his therapy that he came to understand how devastating that was to everyone that cared about him. But when Madeleine told him they could never see each other after she left Texas, he felt like he was losing her all over again and that was a kind of pain he never wanted to experience a second time.

"It must be time for Mr. Walker to have his shower. Look at Loretta...she's actually smiling," said one of the nurse's aids on the unit. She was talking to her co-worker, who was also a nurse's aid.

"I think she's humming, too! Listen," said the other aid. The two stopped talking and watched, quietly listened for several seconds. They both started giggling when they heard the unmistakable sound of Loretta humming to herself as she came out of the clean linen room with several fresh towels.

"Ordinarily, she'd be barking orders at the two of us to do this kind of work," said the first aid.

"Yeah, but she's got a crush on Mr. Walker. Everyone on this unit knows it, too," said the other aid.

"Can't say I blame her. He's quite the hunk of man."

"He is, but I thought women as old as Loretta didn't get those kinds of feelings anymore!" The two of them continued to giggle, unaware that Loretta had walked up behind them.

"Care to share what's so funny, girls?" she asked, making both of them jump.

"Nothing, Miss Collins," said the first girl.

"Then isn't there some work you should be doing? The clean linen room is a mess."

"Yes, ma'am," they said in unison.

Loretta watched as the two girls left the nurses station and headed for the clean linen room. Once they were both inside, Loretta headed to Jackson's room.

"Ready to go?" she asked. He was standing at the side of his bed and was holding a pair of jeans and a clean button down shirt in his hands. His face was robust with color and she silently noted how happy he looked. She secretly wished that she was the reason for the smile on his face, but sadly, she knew that wasn't the case. She concluded that his smile was the result of his impending visit with his brother and niece. He had been looking forward to this day for quite some time and she was genuinely pleased for him. However, the other reason he was smiling did not please her. She hated that he chose to call that woman. What little Loretta knew about her, she didn't like. He was deeply in love with her and that she was certain of. She was also certain that this Madeleine didn't deserve his love. If she was the love of his life, why wasn't she the one visiting him today? Loretta didn't understand it and with his reluctance to talk about it, perhaps she never would. If Loretta had her way, she wouldn't allow Madeleine to ever talk to him. So far, she had managed to do just that.

"Can't I walk this time?" asked Jackson, looking down at the wheelchair Loretta had pushed into the room.

"Sorry, hospital policy," she answered. Jackson wondered as he sat down if allowing her to push her breasts into the back of his head as she wheeled him places was also hospital policy. He was fully aware of Loretta's attraction to him and he found it amusing, at least up until the last time she accompanied him to the shower. She became intrusive, insisting she help him wash even though he was physically capable of doing it himself. He wasn't shy nor was he a prude, but her attention to his naked body made him feel uncomfortable. He had spoken to Dr. Jacobs about it, who in turn, had spoken to Loretta about it. She had insisted to Dr. Jacobs that she was only doing her duty as a nurse and since he was technically handicapped, she was giving him the assistance he required. When he reminded Dr. Jacobs that his prosthesis was able to be worn in the shower, he put a stop to Loretta venturing into the shower room with him. Since then, she had become more hard and sullen.

"Here we are, Mr. Walker," she said, locking the brakes to the wheelchair and helping him to a standing position. "Do you need assistance with anything else?"

"I've been washing myself up since I was six years old. I'm a big boy now, so I think I can manage," said Jackson, sounding curt.

"Very well. Your towels and washcloth are there. Just pull the cord for the call light when you're done and I'll come get you," she replied. She turned the wheelchair around and parked it in the empty dressing area that was adjacent to the shower stall near the door, then she exited the shower area. She leaned her head against the shower room door and closed her eyes.

"Big boy, indeed," she said.