32.

Pansy:

The calm before the storm.

Pansy stirred, and as she did, she felt something pinch her arm. She opened her eyes, hating the light that filtered through the window. When she managed to focus her vision, she saw Ginny Weasley using her arm as a pillow, cutting off her circulation. She clicked her tongue in annoyance and yanked it off her, not caring if she woke up because of it. But the redhead was a heavy sleeper, so she just babbled and curled up on the bed, settling into a fetal position.

Yawn. She wasn't sure how long she had slept. Three hours? Ginny Weasley was worse than an energetic child, behaving as if she had eaten her own weight in sugar; Once the pillow fight had ended last night (which Pansy won), she had started to chatter, preventing both her and Hermione from ignoring her and sleeping. Although she couldn't complain, she had ended up drawn into the conversation with both Gryffindors.

In the corner opposite her, Hermione was sleeping. Lying face down, well on the edge (surely a bad movement could make her fall out of bed). It didn't seem like a comfortable position, and Pansy was betting she got to sleep like this because of a certain redhead kicking in her sleep. Her hair was more tangled than usual and her mouth slightly parted, she had to smile at that.

It was certainly a horrible and unrefreshing night's sleep, and she still enjoyed every second of it.

She got out of bed carefully and went to the bathroom (taking the clothes she had worn yesterday with her). Brushing her teeth, combing her hair... When it came time to remove her makeshift pajamas, a smile escaped her. Hermione was embarrassing, the reaction she had when she was about to change was hilarious. However, right now, she was grateful that she had turned around. She was used to dressing in front of others. What Hogwarts student wasn't? Besides Hermione, of course. She didn't really think about it much at the time and was about to do the same... The problem is that it would not have been the same to change clothes in front of Ginny Weasley as Hermione.

What would she have done if Hermione hadn't turned around to give her privacy? Because as soon as she turned to look at the wall, Pansy froze, remembering who she was in front of, and she was flushed red. Luckily Hermione didn't see that. She almost got naked in front of her girlfriend, and it was a direct hit to reality. She always jokes about it, even yesterday, saying "Nervous Granger?" as if she herself hadn't been. But... At some point it would stop being a joke. How did you get to that step? By Merlin, even her mother had hinted at it days ago! Which made her rather creepy, she hated that Aurora was so "free" to talk about sex. She had even cornered her the day before dinner with the Weasleys to talk about safe and consensual relationships. "It is not a solution to separate you from all the girls to avoid what is going to happen, it is better to tell you how they are and make sure that you are responsible," she had told her before starting to give her advice and permission to stay the night at the Burrow. She still felt the humiliation consume her as she remembered her final warning: "I trust you will do nothing there. This is not the place or the time, and I would be very disappointed in you if you broke my trust like this." Pansy had no intention of doing anything in the first place!

She shook her head, ceasing to rave. The clothes she wore now smelled of lavender, just as she expected. Hermione didn't wear perfumes, she just made sure her clothes had this characteristic lavender smell. And other times, when she had recently bathed, the products she used for her hair were also felt. Which used to vary, so she likely didn't have one in particular that she preferred to use. Hermione made her think of softness and tranquility, of comfort and practicality; she liked it.

It was starting to bother her then at the idea of having to return the borrowed clothes, but still she took it off and rummaged through her things for her own clothes. For this day, she had not brought another dress, but some pants and a T-shirt, since it was more comfortable for the several hours of train travel that awaited her.

When she came out of the bathroom, she left Hermione's clothes folded in the corner and put away her own belongings. She realized that the redhead had moved to the empty side of the bed she had left, but even so Hermione was still huddled on the edge, she hadn't moved an inch.

She sat on one end of the bed, not sure what to do. There was no noise outside the room, so she imagined that the others were still asleep. She doubted the place could be quiet with even one redhead awake.

The Weasley house was cozy enough. A mess too, full of trinkets and colorful things that Pansy personally found unaesthetic, but it felt like home, and that made it pretty. Dinner with them was warm and entertaining, even when they told her about Aurora, she did not feel judged, but interpreted it as a question that showed concern for her. Quite a puzzling thing, it should be clarified! She'd been to friends' houses before, but their parents weren't used to being like this. They usually asked with the ulterior motive of comparing different families, to see who had better grades, which had had better vacations... But the Weasleys were not like that. And the funny thing is that they had no cause to be so hospitable to her: Pansy Parkinson. Her name, that last name that had had no problem looking over her shoulder and marking them as "blood traitors." Or outside of that, she had had several altercations with Ginny and Ron Weasley, so their mother should have had no reason to have greeted her like this: with a hug that was warmer than any even her own parents have ever given her. The Weasleys were too good-hearted for their own good. Hermione was too good too, and even Potter. Pansy smiled to herself. She wished she could be giving back what everyone was giving her. She didn't deserve it, but they still made her feel welcome. All these Gryffindor fools didn't care about the past and treated her like that! They were endearing. Now she felt quite an idiot for having doubted whether it would be a good idea to go to The Burrow.

Hermione stirred, drawing her attention. She winced at the light from the window and when she opened one of her eyes, Pansy smiled at her.

"Hello."

In response, Hermione puts her hands to her face.

"Stop looking at me just up," she complained, her voice hoarse from sleep.

"I wasn't looking at you, I just realized you woke up."

Hermione sat up on the bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Good morning," she murmured, and as soon as she saw the mocking smile on Pansy's face, she got up, saying "I hate you" before going to the bathroom.

She didn't look at her, and ignored Pansy's laugh with an embarrassed countenance as she went back out of the bathroom as soon as she walked in, to find her clothes so she could change out of her pajamas. A meow was heard when Pansy was left alone (and with the sleeping mummy behind her). Crookshanks had already risen as well.

. . .

Hermione convinced her to leave, as she didn't want to talk in the room and wake Ginny Weasley. To her surprise, they did not stop in the dining room or the living room, but instead she was guided to the patio. The green color was beginning to bloom and come to life, after having been buried for months with the snow. The sky was clear, and the gold of the Sun forced Pansy to blink hard several times to get used to the light. She noticed Hermione flinch, but didn't complain or give any indication of wanting to go back inside. The mornings were still far from warm, and in contrast to the day before, it was hard to believe that hours before it had been so hot.

"How is your mother?"

The day started strong. Hermione nipped right at the touchy subject. She didn't dare speak of it in front of the Weasleys, not in letters, either. Only now did she do so, looking into her eyes with a compassionate and kind gesture.

"You were right," she conceded. "I was very angry with her."

She took a deep breath through her nose and the chill that ran through her lungs almost made her nose wrinkle in discomfort.

She wished a lot of things were different with her mother. Already, she wished they had never had to experience Narcisso's death together. But it happened. Also everything else: the distance between them, the pain, the selfishness. When she was left alone in her room after crying in her mother's arms, after throwing up all the negative feelings, she felt hollow. If something had fallen in her chest, she wondered if she had heard it hit the bottom, or if it was so far and deep, that she would not have noticed it. Hermione's hand did feel it. Now there was something tangible, the comforting, warm fingers that caressed and entwined with hers. She squeezed her hand, holding on.

She didn't think she deserved any of this. What did Hermione get here? Pansy kept climbing in euphoria from day to day, and she doubted the floor could be so firm as to keep from falling. The more happiness, the more it would hurt in the end. This morning she seemed to have woken up melancholy.

"I don't know if I'm still angry," she added.

She screamed and threw everything in Aurora's face. There was nothing left for her, but that didn't make everything with her mother okay now. Hermione moved and sat on the wooden steps that ended in the grass, the ones that connected the front door of the house to the outside. Pansy followed suit.

"My mom didn't do much for me when Dad died," she said, pausing. "Your parents are supposed to love you above all else. And I actually know my mom does. She loves me, life, everything. She is very emotional, I think she must also suffer with equal intensity, and in that, she forgot that not everything she loved died."

The silence in the courtyard was as chilling as the morning frost. She even saw Hermione's prickly skin, she was cold. Pansy too. Even so, they remained silent, Hermione just wanted to know what she was thinking, not give her opinion.

"I felt so lonely," she murmured. "My mom was the same. But she decided to be. Not me, she pushed me away. I feel like now she doesn't deserve my compassion. And I also realized that I missed her a lot."

"In time you'll be able to forgive her," Hermione said.

Probably yes, after all she was already beginning to forgive her. It wasn't as simple as apologizing, it still hurt. But she missed her, and even with the rage, she couldn't push her out of her life. Aurora is her mother, the only family she has left, so if she paid attention to her, she couldn't turn her down. But how to ignore such a great disappointment?

The last few days, after having dinner laughing with her, in the darkness of her room, she ended up feeling the fall, from which she did not hear the noise of the blow. It was exasperating.

"You were the first person who approached me," she confessed, focusing on more positive things, "after everything that happened."

Hermione shrugged.

"It was never in my plans to be so fond of a smug Slytherin, obviously," she commented with a half smile, an honest one. Pansy rolled her eyes, feeling a hint between the bitterness at the bottom of her stomach and the tickles a little higher up, the kind that always appeared with Hermione. "You made me curious, I wanted to understand you, and before I knew it, I cared about you."

"You calmed me down," Pansy contributed her perspective, remembering the hug Hermione gave her that day at the fountain, "which irritated me a bit."

She needed someone to pay attention to her, and Hermione did. Just because. She wanted to tell her that she loved her for it. She didn't, but she was thinking about it ardently. Hermione was so kind, so smart... She was also stubborn, annoying, even slightly petulant. And she loved her for it.

She would never think of saying she was lucky, since all her misfortunes were strong proof that no, she was not born to be lucky. Rather, she considered that she was having an opportunity to expand her horizons. She could see, from where she was sitting, the clear sky and a perfect line of plain, with a couple of trees that did not make the space less open. She had a silly little urge to to get up and run until her lungs burned, which from the cold air would be sooner rather than later. She glanced at Hermione, the traces of the dream still in her eyes. The higher the Sun rose, the less golden the light seemed, turning whiter, and that allowed the brown eyes to reflect the horizon just at that moment, like a small mirror. Also, it seemed, she could sit still and feel her chest burn. In the middle of the field, with The Burrow behind her and a bunch of weasels snoring (even if she couldn't hear them), Hermione, and the horizon that showed her... Everything, it promised a lot. This was her chance; one that, had it been offered to her earlier, she would have seen as one more disgrace.

She remembered Draco, the Black Lake at Hogwarts, her dark reflection in those turbulent waters. Half a year later, at this precise moment in the morning, it was mirrored in Hermione's eyes, which soon narrowed, uncomfortable with the direct sunlight, but still struggling to see her.

Was that Pansy? Hopefully yes. She wanted to be her, the person Hermione looked upon fondly, the one who deserved all of this.

. . .

It was Hermione who first complained about the cold, telling her to come in as if she hadn't been the one who led them out in the first place.

The adults were already awake. Arthur Weasley answered some letters at the table, while his wife began preparations for breakfast in the kitchen. They were both startled when they saw them arrive.

"Wow! Were you out all this time?" The man asked, once her eyes returned to their normal size.

"So Hermione isn't the only early riser," Molly Weasley commented. "Sit down. The others should wake up soon."

"They're even already dressed to go out. Wouldn't you like to replace two of our children?"

"Arthur!" His wife scolded him with a smile.

"They know I'm kidding."

"What if we' goi to wake Ginny?" Hermione asked her. "She owes us, she didn't let us sleep at all."

Pansy had no particular interest in searching for the smallest of redheads. But sitting alone with Arthur and Molly Weasley didn't appeal to her, either.

As they went upstairs, they bumped into the twins.

"Ladies," George greeted them.

"Isn't breakfast downstairs?" Fred teased.

"We're going to wake Ginny," Hermione explained.

The twins shared a look, which was anything but innocent. The pair of smiles spread in unison and they turned around. Maybe heading to their own room? Since when they entered Ginny's room, they weren't there.

"Here!" Two voices said behind her, startling her.

The twins reappeared. They were now holding several little red balls.

"Much like casting a bombardment spell," Fred explained when both girls looked at the objects.

"Without the painful part," George clarified. "Unless we're talking about hearing discomfort. But that's minor."

"Hermione has told us many times that she doesn't like our products. But don't you want to see them? You'll want to buy one," Fred said, looking into her eyes with sparkling ambition.

Pansy didn't have to turn to know that Hermione was silently yelling at her "Don't even think about it!" The twins, however, weren't very interested in anyone's answer. They threw the little red balls onto the bed without further ado and the sound of several explosions made Ginny fall off the bed and with her eyes wide open like an owl, she spotted the twins. She seemed to burn with deep hatred.

"GEORGE! FRED! AGAIN?" Molly Weasley's voice rang out from the background.

That woman's lungs must have been too used to roaring so loud by now. Another door opened, showing Harry's messy hair and Ron, who was struggling to get his eyes to stop closing.

"Good, everyone awake!" George celebrated, as if he hadn't been one of the causes of great chaos.

"Is the Gryffindor common room like this?" Pansy wondered, once they all came down the stairs. The lions seemed too scandalous. The noise and disaster were quite foreign to the Slytherin dungeons, unless there was a celebration. But all the Gryffindors were being so unruly that now she wondered if it was a matter of being Weasley or wearing the color red.

She drank some tea, as she watched Weasley Duck again gobble up everything near him; it was disgustingly fascinating. Hermione was spreading jam on a piece of bread, that reminded her that she should eat something and she imitated her.

"The end of the Quidditch Cup is coming up," said Harry Potter.

"We're definitely going to win," George said.

"Ron, don't freak out again," Fred warned.

He had too much food in his mouth to protest, but he glared at them to prove his point. When he swallowed, he boasted:

"Need I remind you that I am a star of the team. I saved our previous match, everyone in Gryffindor dedicated a song to me."

The toast Pansy was about to bite into was halfway there, because the way the twins saw it made her uncomfortable.

"Our housemates, eh?" Asked Fred wryly.

She became alarmed, pleading with the twins to shut up with their eyes. On the contrary, everyone at the table looked at the boys with extra curiosity and interest.

"There are many versions of the same story," Fred continued as George laughed in the background. "According to ours," he pointed to himself and his twin, "you were swooning in a ladies' room while the cunning of a Slytherin saved your ass."

"What?" Ron Duck Weasley flushed. "No Slytherin helped me. What are you talking about? They were trying to make me lose!"

Pansy weighed her chances of getting away from the table. She wished she had bought those barrage balls, she would have gladly made them swallow them to shut up.

"It occurred to Pansy to change the lyrics of the song," Fred revealed.

She clicked her tongue, staring at her tea like it was the most interesting thing in the world, hating and embarrassed by the sudden attention from all the eyes on the table.

"Hermione asked her to join us," George continued, "and she came up with that brilliant idea."

"Angelina had a bit to do with it too, you have to admit," the other twin said. "But if Pansy hadn't jokingly sung 'He didn't let the Quaffle in/ Weasley is our King', no one would have sung anything to you, little brother."

"You've got to be kidding!" Ginny screeched with a laugh.

"Is it true?" Hermione asked her, searching her face for the truth.

"I was just kidding," Pansy insisted on reminding them, feeling shame spread to her cheeks as Hermione's smile grew larger. "Don't look at me like that. It was silly."

"Is Parkinson Ron's first fan?" Harry asked, gritting his teeth as he laughed.

"Of course not," Pansy and Ron muttered at the same time. And at the coincidence, they looked at each other with hatred.

"Why am I still friends with them" she complained in her mind, as she saw how Ron crossed his arms angrily and one of the twins threw a piece of bread at his hair, to annoy him more. Not to mention the looks Ginny and Hermione gave her, amused and fascinated by the discovery. "Friends?" she was suddenly scared. She did not consider them friends. Not at all. She just got confused about terms. She was not at all friends with Ginny Weasley, who at the time had put her arm around her shoulders, to purposefully dismay her.

. . .

Chaos was the definition of the Weasleys, she had no doubts anymore, as she watched the trunks levitate, a twin would say "Wait! I forgot to put this away!" and Molly Weasley grumbling and complaining that despite getting up early, they were running late. Pansy was starting to get nervous, too, since her mother had insisted that she take her things to King's Cross station, justifying that she would have come to see her off anyway, trunk or not. She couldn't find a way to say no to Aurora. Now, she was in that place without her things and depending on her mother. Again she was afraid of standing still, but tried to ignore the feeling as they left the Burrow.

When they entered King's Cross train station, Arthur and Molly Weasley were quick to find carts for everyone and guide them through the crowded corridors.

"Pansy?" Hermione spoke to her, who had slowed down to catch up with her.

She wasn't in much of a rush to get to platform 9 ¾, so she always stayed behind the Gryffindor group, silent.

"What if she's not here?"

In front of Hermione, she wasn't so afraid to show her insecurities. Nor in front of her cat, who was curled up in the arms of its owner. She trusted Crookshanks more than most humans.

"If you're so scared that she won't show up, why did you accept her help?"

"She is unrecognizable. Suddenly she is more friendly and attentive than in all the previous months. She asked me and I wanted to believe her, she was almost begging me to give her the opportunity. But when is she going to get discouraged again and let go of everything without worrying about the consequences?"

Trust in her mother would take time to regain.

"You're not going to get anywhere trying to foresee everything that will go wrong. Trust me, after all the things we lived through with Voldemort, you end up accepting it."

Pansy flinched and her eyes widened in horror.

"Don't say his name!" She hissed in fear.

"He's dead. Harry stopped him last year."

"We thought that before too and look how we were wrong!"

"Giving his name the importance of being all powerful is of no use to anyone. He's just a wizard."

"Agh. You are all crazy."

"The point is," she resumed. "You're better off worrying about the things that you know will come."

"Almost dying every year made you wise, huh?" Pansy teased.

Hermione let out a laugh, although her tense body showed that she was not amused by having lived through so many deadly situations. A quite logical reaction, even she felt her blood run cold when she found out everything: a troll, Dementors, a basilisk... And who knows what else, because if she was sure of something, it was that she did not tell her everything. Surely what she didn't know about Hermione's adventures was even worse.

"Hey," she hesitated. "So why do you worry so much about studies? 'We can't foresee everything.'"

"The exams are a reality. We know they have been there since first year, we must worry about them," she declared, offering a look that would brook no reply.

They came to a column with a black sign that had the number nine written on it in white. Two columns later, one also looked almost the same, with the number ten. Everyone present took turns, one by one, walking toward one of the unmarked columns between nine and ten. Some did it running, or rather, Harry did it. Who knows why the boy was gaining momentum, as if that helped cross the wall to platform 9 ¾. If someone happened to be very close to that column on the other side, he would surely run into them.

She glanced around surreptitiously when they finally reached the Hogwarts platform. She wasn't finding Aurora and her pulse was starting to race with panic. Hermione had told her not to worry about the problems that were not in front of her, but hey, now she should have Aurora in front of her, and she was not!

"Luna!" Ginny screeched, starting to run. The others followed her without such enthusiasm, but just as happy to see the blonde a few meters from them.

Pansy was trying not to laugh, seeing that Luna's always pale skin was now red, not to mention two large circles around her eyes that were as white as ever. The sunglasses kept her skin from burning equally.

The adults came forward, moving away from the teenagers a bit to exchange... Words for older people? Probably.

"What happened?" Harry asked, once Ginny and Luna stopped hugging.

"I told you, I went on vacation. I got so distracted looking at the ruins that I forgot to put a protective spell on my skin again. But it's fine! It hardly burns anymore," she explained with a huge smile.

"Tell me you have photos," Ginny said. "You will tell us everything on the train."

A whistle from one of the twins managed to get everyone's attention.

"The photos don't do her justice," Fred sighed.

Pansy searched for the source of the compliment, and wanted to throw up doing it. Aurora was walking, with a trunk that kept pace with her. She was smoking a cigarette and wandering the place with lazy eyes. She walked with confidence in herself, she was where Pansy had learned to move. If you had a mother who was a model, it was better to take advantage and learn, and she did it: to dress well, put on makeup correctly and even move with the right attitude. Her mother had taught her everything with delight. Still, Aurora was on another level, and everyone knew it. Her father always stressed that his wife was always "the star of the place."

Was her mother really getting back to who she was, that easy? That things were so good all at once did not generate any confidence in her.

"Damn she's sexy," George added.

"Merlin, don't say that," Pansy snarled, appalled.

"Who is it?" Ron asked.

"Pansy's mother, isn't that obvious?" Ginny jumped in. "They have the same face of annoyance at life."

"Did you realize just because of that?" Ron was surprised.

"Of course not, stupid. It was a joke. Didn't you see her in The Prophet?"

"Do you read The Prophet?"

"He doesn't," Hermione pointed out. "He just looks at the photos and the sports section when I'm done reading."

Aurora met her eyes, then took a quick drag on her cigarette, disposed of it in a nearby garbage can, and walked over to her.

"I told you," was her only greeting when she was in front of her daughter.

Pansy rolled her eyes and refrained from telling her that she shouldn't take so much pride in keeping her word. Less when it was such a simple promise.

"Mrs. Parkinson," the two twins greeted her, "nice to meet you."

Aurora managed a smile.

"Are they your friends, Pansy?"

"My friends shouldn't drool over my mother" she thought, but was polite and said instead:

"Yes. They are Fred and George. The other redhead is Ron, and she is Ginny."

"All Weasleys, I imagine."

"Exactly," the twins agreed.

"What about the girl who ruined her skin?" Aurora whispered.

"Luna Lovegood. And finally, this…"

"Hermione Granger," she deduced. "Pansy told me a lot about you."

"I didn't," she denied with a frown.

Maybe she didn't have the heart to want to hit Hermione for that smug face that screamed "Oh yeah?", But she still could and wanted to hit Ginny, who was looking at her in a similar way. Pansy hadn't talked about Hermione, she was dying of embarrassment! Her mom was a liar!

"You must be Pansy's mother." Molly Weasley appeared, smiling kindly with her husband at her side, following her.

"Thanks for having Pansy over for dinner," Aurora returned. Her face had changed in the blink of an eye, looking charming and polite.

"Harry," Ron whispered, so loud that he was keeping little secrecy, "it's the same face."

"We already know where Pansy's acting ability comes from," Harry replied.

Hermione put her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Maybe next time you can join us too," Molly Weasley suggested.

"Yes, maybe."

Although her tone was friendly and her smile positive, Pansy suspected her mother had little interest in seeing The Burrow firsthand. Aurora had been to so many parties and dinners, in homes like palaces and exclusive restaurants, that it was impossible to imagine her at the humble Weasley table.

As they got on the train, everyone rushed over to Mrs. Weasley to say goodbye with big hugs, except Pansy. She laughed when she saw Aurora's puzzled face, who then glanced at her daughter.

"Are they always like this...?"

She shrugged to answer her mother. Aurora was never affectionate in public, and Pansy had a gotten a little used to it. Besides before, who was she going to hug, Draco, Millicent and Daphne? Or their parents? The idea of hugging Lucius Malfoy was quaint, not to mention a nightmare.

"Good luck Pansy. Study for your exams," Aurora said goodbye, ignoring the spectacle in front of them. "And write me."

"Take care of yourself," she said.

Pansy would write to her and Aurora would take care of herself. So it should be. Things should stay like this: good. Everything could be easily fixed and kept that way, or at least she would force herself to think so.

As they got on the train, Luna, as always, prepared to hand out "The Quibbler" magazine, and Harry and Ginny offered to help her. The rest of the Weasleys moved in to greet friends they didn't see on vacation. Hermione stayed with Pansy.

"Rachel and Sophie are sure to look for us," she warned.

"Great. I've never shared a trip with them," Hermione said. "Too bad the cabins are not bigger."

"Do we have too many friends, popular lady?" Pansy scoffed.

"Yes. We have," she remarked, with a proud smile.

Upon entering the cabin, Hermione released her cat to let him wander around the place.

"I was thinking…"

"How weird," Pansy interrupted wryly.

"Idiot," she muttered.

"What did you think?"

Hermione groaned under her breath as she sat down on the seat.

"We could do something special for our first Hogsmeade outing when we get back."

"What do you mean by special?" Pansy asked.

"You'll find out when we get there."

She grimaced with annoyance at the mystery, but agreed. What was the worst that could happen there? If Hermione wanted to surprise her, so be it.

"Do you know what I was thinking?" She said, making Hermione raise an eyebrow.

She sat next to her and leaned down to kiss her. The door opened, startling them, and worse still, cutting them off before they could kiss.

"Luna and I will go with you," Ginny said. "The boys are doing idiotic boy things."

"Do you know what I'm thinking now?" Hermione whispered. "She loves to get between us. She has a sixth sense for interrupting."

Pansy chuckled and bit her tongue to keep from pointing out the double meaning of her statement to her girlfriend. When Luna and Ginny sat down, it didn't take long for Rachel and Sophie to find them and join the booth. Even Neville Longbottom came over to share a conversation mid-trip.