Hello, all. This is an author's note explaining my absence for the past... I don't even know how long it's been.

However, this note is going to contain some extremely private and sensitive information. The only reason I feel comfortable sharing it is because my true identity has never been exposed on this site, but also because I trust my readers to be understanding and kind to me no matter what information I disclose. As weird as that seems, seeing as I don't know any of you on a super personal level. I just think that this community feels safe and everyone who comments on my stories, or those of you who DM me, have been nothing but supportive and positive toward me.

In any case, allow me to start off by apologizing for my absence, and not being willing to explain it to you sooner.

Some of you have wondered if I've been sick, or if I passed away, or if I simply gave up on my writing. There have been a lot of unanswered questions and all I can really say at this point is... life is a tricky, crazy thing. I've just been going through a lot. That's really all there is to it.

Some of my readers may be too young to understand part of what I've gone through, and honestly, if you don't understand, don't worry about it. Try not to think about it too much, because it is a lot. Jeez, I'm making this sound SO dramatic, aren't I? Hahaha I'm not trying to, it's just... part of what I will be discussing has to do with a super sensitive topic. And I don't expect anyone to fully understand. I just want to provide you all with a proper and truthful explanation. So let's get to it, shall we?

First of all, I was working 2 jobs, day and night shifts back to back, for a while. So I had zero free time in the middle of all that.

Secondly, I did get sick! For AN ENTIRE MONTH. It sucked, big time. I had what I thought was covid, but I tested negative. Idk if it really was that, or some sort of intense flu I've never had before, but either way it kept me down for about a week. Immediately after that, I got a serious case of strep throat. Worst I've ever had, and after I took all my antibiotics, I went back to work for 3 days before the strep came back for round 2. Yeah, apparently you can contract strep throat up to 3 times in a row, if you aren't careful. So I got it twice in a row, and the pain in my throat was so excruciating at that point, I couldn't talk or eat or even drink water. I went to a clinic one day, and they hooked me up to an I.V. to replenish my fluids and get some vitamin C in my body. I lost a lot of weight. It was crazy. But I'm much better now! I gained the weight back and all is well.

Now for the last thing that happened to me. Right after I recovered from a month of being sick, I found out I was pregnant.

I was a little panicky at first, but my boyfriend was over the moon. After a few days of fretting over what to do, we formed a game plan together and we both started getting really excited about the baby. We picked out names, we told our families. It was a happy time for everyone involved, so much support and love going around. I was ready to be a mother.

Then I started cramping a lot, and during one of my ultrasounds, the doctor informed me that while I was experiencing all of the normal pregnancy symptoms, and my sac was getting larger in size, the embryo... the baby was not forming. It was so tiny, compared to the size it should have been. It wasn't growing properly, it was hardly growing at all. Essentially, due to this fact, I was informed I would have a miscarriage.

I could either pass it along naturally, or have a minor surgical procedure done, called a D & C. I was told the procedure would be easier on me, so I went with that. And the people who helped me through it were super amazing and calm and supportive, but despite all of that... it was an incredibly painful process. I mean, it was the most intense pain I have ever gone through in my life. Both emotionally, and physically. And after it was done, I would still experience pregnancy symptoms for several weeks afterward.

But time heals everything, eventually. I'm really sorry if this is all too much to read, too much information and far too personal. But you did want an explanation, so I figured the truth may as well be revealed. I have needed time to heal and I am feeling much better nowadays. My relationship with my boyfriend is still going strong, and my family has been there for me. I'm really doing fine, at this point. Fine enough to talk about it, at the very least.

So there's all of it laid out for you. I'm still sorry for not updating the story in so long, but I hope you can understand why I've been MIA.

I hope everyone hasn't had too much of a hard time during the pandemic, either. I hope you are all healthy and happy! And I wish only the highest good for each and every one of you *insert momma bear hug here*

I really do love you guys. I love this community and I love my stories, I love writing them and reading the reviews. I appreciate your DMs and your concerns, your support for my writing and your amazing positive reinforcement. Thank you so much, for all of it. I promise this isn't the end and it isn't goodbye, although I'm sure many of you have given up on me and my writing at this point... And you certainly don't have to stick around waiting for an update forever.

But if you are still waiting, just know that I plan to come back to my stories again. Hopefully sooner than later, but I won't make a liar out of myself and give you an exact date. In any case, just know it is still something I'd like to be able to start up again in the future :)

Warmest regards to everyone who has stuck around to read this,

CK:*

p.s. I will most likely delete this as soon as I post a new chapter. It doesn't need to stay up forever, I just wanted to let all of my readers know what was going on with me, and I can't DM all of you so this was the way to go.